First of all, this title might just be a shout-out. I'm not saying anything about anything, but a few months ago I got the following phone call:
She: Okay, so we were on the phone and we were hanging up like we always do and I said something that made him laugh and then he goes, "I lo...mmm."
Pamie: "Lo...mmm?"
She: Yeah. And then I totally dork out and I go, "That's okay! Bye!" and hang up like it's the seventh grade.
Pamie: Look outside your window and see if he's riding his bike by your house.
She: He lo...mmm's me.
Pamie: That's wonderful!
She: Do you think?
Pamie: Hold on. I got another call. Hello?
He: Hi. I was hanging up the phone with her and I was all...
Pamie: I know. She told me.
He: I didn't quite say it, but I started saying it and now I don't know if I should finish saying it because she said it was okay and then hung up on me.
Pamie: I don't really have any advice, but I'd like to interject here that you two are officially the cutest couple in the world. This is the major problem in y'all's relationship. Consider yourselves very lucky.
He: Thanks.
Pamie: You really lo...mmm her?
He: I do.
Pamie: I'm hanging up with both of you. Call each other.
So, when they found out the title of this episode, they're wondering who over at the WB has been listening to their phone calls.
Previously on Gilmore Girls: despite all of our wishes, Lorelai went back to Mustang Max's house and did the mug-down. CuteDean took Rory out for dinner and then made her a car and then told her that he loves her and Rory just sat there and did nothing and so they broke up. I've missed him every second since.
We open at Luke's. Lorelai is finishing a story as Luke walks around tables, filling coffee mugs. She says that a magician ripped up her twenty-dollar bill while she was waiting in line for something, and he couldn't put it back together again, so he had to give her her money back in quarters. Rory yawns and says that was a great story. She says that she hasn't been sleeping well lately. Lorelai suggests that they play a game to wake Rory up; it's called "One, Two, Three." Lorelai decides to go first. Lorelai and Rory look out the diner window. "And...one!" Rory says. Close-up on an elderly man strolling by the window, looking back at Lorelai and Rory. Lorelai says she's not interested because she's not Anna Nicole Smith. "Two": Rory points out a boy on a skateboard. Lorelai says, "Pass." Rory asks why. Lorelai: "Because I'm not Mary Kay Letourneau." Luke walks up and leans down to look out the window with them. He asks what they're looking for. "My new husband," Lorelai replies. Rory says that Lorelai has already passed up two good prospects. Lorelai says that she's feeling pretty good about #3. See, here we can see that, technically, #3 was Luke, since he just leaned down and got in their faces. Rory then asks the same question I was thinking. "No," Luke answers. Lorelai tells Luke that he doesn't even know what they're doing. He says he assumes that the safest answer involving anything with Rory and Lorelai is "No." "We're playing, 'One, Two, Three: He's Yours,'" Lorelai explains. Luke: "I didn't ask." Rory explains that you can either take or pass the first two guys you see, but if you pass on the second, you're automatically stuck with the third guy. Luke seems slightly amused. Luke says he's not playing. "Well, of course not," Lorelai says. "It's still my turn." Rory says that guy #3 is about to cross the street. Luke leans down and then asks why he's looking. Lorelai points out that this is like a train wreck; you can't help looking even though you don't want to. Guy #3: Kirk! "Oh, no!" Lorelai moans. "Daddy!" Rory shouts. I love this show. Rory hopes that Kirk will buy her a pony. Lorelai wants to go back to "the old guy." Kirk walks into the diner. Luke walks over, slaps his shoulder, and congratulates him. Kirk uncomfortably thanks Luke, not wanting to confuse or anger the man holding the boiling coffee pot. Kirk hears Lorelai laughing and asks what's so funny. She says nothing. Kirk starts feeling his back, asking whether someone put the "Kick Me" sign on him again. Lorelai and Rory giggle. "It wasn't funny last week and it's not funny now," Kirk says, turning around to leave the diner. "I have asthma!" he whines as he opens the door. I love Kirk. I'll marry you, buddy. Lorelai and Rory dissolve into giggles as Kirk stomps off. Rory complains that Kirk is leaving. Lorelai yells for him to come back because she loves him. She says it's now Rory's turn. Rory says she doesn't know how she's going to be able to top Kirk. Lorelai says that Rory's right, so she can have Kirk. "And...one!" Rory and Lorelai turn and look out the window. CuteDean walks by, looking kind of behind him so his hair kind of flops over. My heart drops. Cut to Rory, who looks miserable. Lorelai says that they should probably order their food. Man. I should have seen it coming, but I didn't. They just haven't brought him up in forever. Rory tries to put on a happy face and says that ordering is a good idea. She keeps watching him in the distance, all pouty, breaking my heart. Fade to black and opening credits.
Independence Inn. Lorelai sits at a table, preparing the welcome folders for the rooms. The phone rings behind her and Michel answers it. Oh, it's Mustang Max. Like a good reservationist, Michel says that Lorelai is busy right now. Max says that he really needs to talk to her. Michel walks towards Lorelai as he asks whether the call is business or personal. Max says, "personal" and Michel throws the phone at Lorelai. Hee. As we hear Max asking whether anyone is still on the phone, Lorelai picks it up. She seems happy to hear his voice. Max asks whether this is a bad time. Judging from the fact that he's calling from the teachers' lounge, I think it's a bad time for him. Lorelai asks what he's wearing. He says, "Nothing." Lorelai says he must be very popular right now. He agrees and says he's also chilly. I really hate recapping the dialogues between Lorelai and Max. Lorelai says she thought they had a "chat date" tonight, a phrase that made me sneer involuntarily. Max says they do, but that he wanted to talk to her about something right now. Lorelai interrupts and asks him to make a gorilla sound. She says she wants to play Wild Kingdom. He says he won't make a gorilla sound. She says that if he does, she'll tell him what color underwear she's wearing. He pauses long enough that Lorelai is pleased that she actually got him thinking about making a gorilla sound. He says that he needs her to be serious for a second. "Says the man with no pants," is Lorelai's reply. Max says that he's been happy with all of their phone conversations over the past two weeks, and he thinks this has all done them a lot of good. So, this means that Rory and CuteDean broke up three weeks ago. The Tristan kiss should have been two weeks ago, so the party was two weeks ago, so last week's episode was one week ago, so two episodes ago was just some sort of Limbo episode involving Richard's mother that was probably supposed to be an earlier episode or something, because it sort of makes no sense at all anymore. Wait. No. It makes sense. The break-up episode and the break-up part two episodes took place the same week. Then the week after was when Rory set up Paris and Tristan and Lorelai I was in town. Then last week's episode would have been one week later when...no. Because the party was where Rory kissed Philllipppe, which would have been before she set him up with Paris, so there's a week overlapping here and what difference does it make? There's only one episode left after this and it's time to get back to CuteDean. Sorry. Mustang Max says that he'd like to have a date this weekend instead of a phone call. He asks to meet Saturday night at the same restaurant. Lorelai says that she thinks it's a good idea. She tells him to wear pants. He says he doesn't make any promises. Lorelai hangs up with a smile.
Rory gets hit in the face with a bag of salt and vinegar potato chips. Lane hands Rory a bag from the market where CuteDean works. She got her everything on her list. Lane adds that CuteDean wasn't in the market. Rory acts like she doesn't care. Lane says she thought Rory would like to know, so she thought she'd mention it. Rory says that she didn't want to know. Lane says that she knows Rory's keeping this secret list of places where CuteDean is and isn't during the week, so she thought Rory would like to add this information. Rory says that she wasn't avoiding the market. Lane doesn't believe her. Rory insists. Lane asks what Rory's doing this evening. Rory says she has lots of homework to do, followed by homework and then a touch of homework. Lane says she has to meet her Science partner. "Fun," Rory says. "Yes," Lane says. "Science is fun." Rory asks if Lane's sure CuteDean wasn't in the market. Lane says she asked. Rory pulls a list out of her front pocket and jots down the time. She gives Lane a guilty look.
Across town, Lorelai runs into Luke. He's just walked out of the Chat Club. That's "chat," as in French for "cat." Luke tries to sound like he's in a hurry and has to go, but Lorelai wants to know what Luke could possibly need in a cat-supply store. Luke tries to leave, but Lorelai follows him, asking what he bought in the store. It's a set of cat-themed potholders. They're hideous. When you open the bottom it makes a noise like a cat in heat. "It's a present," Luke explains. "For someone you hate?" Lorelai asks. Luke tells Lorelai that it's Rachel's birthday, but he doesn't want her to say anything because Rachel doesn't want anyone to know. She hates birthdays. Lorelai bets that Rachel will hate the potholder more. Luke bitches about having to buy people presents and how stupid the whole gift-giving process is. He doesn't think that you should have to give gifts to prove your affections for someone. He can be the best guy in the world but if he doesn't buy the right fuzzy slippers, then all of a sudden he sucks. Lorelai says that Luke can't give Rachel the potholder. She suggests he goes to the mall to find something. Luke shudders and says he hates malls. There's a long list of reasons. I'll spare you. Lorelai does the unbelievable and offers to go to the mall and shop for Rachel's gift for him. This, I'm finding hard to believe. She says that she'll take his credit card, buy a shitload of things at the mall, and then bring them back for him to choose. Then she'll return whatever he doesn't like. She says all he'll have to do is point. Man. I'd charge Luke mad cash for this. Lorelai says he should do something nice for Rachel. It's their first special occasion since she got back. Luke says he's taking her out to dinner. He agrees to let Lorelai buy some presents. He starts making rules right away. Rachel likes traditional gifts. She's not trendy: "Elephants. Candles." Luke says that a candle shaped like an elephant would be best. I look over at the elephant footstool my roommate owns and wonder how I can get in touch with Lorelai and have her pick it up. Lorelai says that she has it under control. She hands him the potholders, tells him to get rid of them, and walks away.
CuteDean! CuteDean! He's CuteDean! He walks into Kim's Antiques, shouting for Lane. Lane isn't in shouting distance, but MamaLane is. She whips around a corner and starts with the yelling immediately:
MamaLane: Who are you? Why you call Lane?
CuteDean: Um.
MamaLane: How you know Lane?
CuteDean: Uh...
MamaLane: You date her?
CuteDean: No.
MamaLane: You try to?
CuteDean: No.
MamaLane: Then why you here?
CuteDean: I...
MamaLane: Empty your pockets.
CuteDean says he's going to leave, but Lane comes running down the stairs. MamaLane asks who Dean is. CuteDean says that he's Dean. Lane says they go to school together. "You do?" MamaLane asks. CuteDean says that they're Science partners. "You don't talk!" MamaLane shouts. CuteDean apologizes. Lane says that she invited CuteDean over to work. "Work?" MamaLane asks suspiciously. "On our Science project," Lane explains. "Reproduction?" MamaLane asks, squinting. "Spores, molds and fungus," says Lane. MamaLane asks a few more times whether they are dating; once she's satisfied with the answer, she tells the kids to follow her. She stands over a table and orders Lane to sit at one end and CuteDean at the other. She says she'll be standing close by, and that their chairs cannot move. Lane and CuteDean say that they understand. MamaLane gives CuteDean the stink-eye for a few seconds more, and then leaves. She turns back around, points, and says, "I. See. All." Then a luckdragon flies down through the chimney and takes her away.
"So, that's your mom," CuteDean says. "That's my mom," Lane says. "Has she seen Patton?" CuteDean asks. Lane says that MamaLane gets uptight about boys, and that it's nothing personal. CuteDean says that he knows she'll probably like him once she gets to know him. Lane says that MamaLane will hate him forever, but that it's nothing personal. CuteDean decides to get to work. They open their books. After a silence, CuteDean asks whether this is weird for Lane. She says it is, a little. He says he didn't know whether Rory had told her to hate him or something. "That's not Rory," Lane says. "Yeah, I know," CuteDean says wistfully. They are both quiet for a second. CuteDean asks how Rory's doing. "Good," Lane says immediately. And then she realizes that "good" is bad when you want someone to think that they're missing someone, but that she should be "good" because she doesn't want Rory to look pitiful, but still she wants CuteDean to know that Rory needs him and misses him and stuff, so Lane adds that Rory is actually "good-ish." CuteDean sounds interested in that, so Lane goes further to say that Rory is "less good than 'ish.'" CuteDean asks how much less. Lane says that they're breaking their agreement not to talk about Rory. CuteDean says that he didn't know there was an agreement. Lane says she thought it was an unspoken agreement. CuteDean says, "Well, it was really unspoken because nobody spoke it!" Lane says she thinks they'd get along better as study partners if they didn't have to talk about Rory. CuteDean says it's fine. Lane says that's fine. They both go back to their books. It's quiet for about two seconds before Lane tells CuteDean that Rory can't even go into the market because he's there. CuteDean says that he's not there on Wednesdays. "Already noted," Lane says. Lane asks whether she can ask a personal question. CuteDean says that she can ask, but that he might not answer. Lane asks whether he thinks he'll get back together with Rory. CuteDean asks to go back to the no-talking-about-Rory agreement. Lane starts to explain herself, but stops and looks up like she's in trouble. CuteDean sees her and looks to see what she's staring at. It's Rory. Man, how did I not see that coming, either? I'm all, "Oh! Man!" It's very quiet before Rory says, "I should have called." She apologizes and runs off. Lane runs after her. CuteDean sits and mouth-breathes until I walk up and seal his lips with mine.
Rory is running out of Kim's Antiques. Lane is close behind her. She apologizes for not telling her about CuteDean, but she assumed that Rory wouldn't want to know. Rory says she understands. She asks Rory to stop walking. Rory speeds up. Then she whips around and says that now she knows about CuteDean and life will go on. Lane asks her to not be mad. Rory says she isn't, and runs off. Lane watches her with concern as we fade to black.
Pan down to Rory in bed, moaning in her sleep. She's wearing Lorelai's Paul Frank pyjamas. Excited knocking at the door. Rory covers her head with her pillow and Lorelai walks in and jumps on the bed. She says she has a huge dilemma. Apparently she's very pretty today, and she's not sure whether she's suddenly gotten prettier, or if she just didn't realize how pretty she was until just now. Rory grumps out of bed and says she's going to take a shower. Lorelai asks Rory why she's so "charming." Rory says she had "an annoying visit from the Stars Hollow Wake-Up Fairy." Rory says she can't find her tie. Lorelai tells her that it's in the living room. It's been seeing the doily in the coffee table, and this isn't the way she wanted Rory to find out about their love. "Don't take this personally," Rory sneers. "But get out." Lorelai says that Rory's crabby, and that the best cure for that would be an all-day trip to the mall. She tells Rory to cut school and go shopping with her all day. Rory refuses. Lorelai says it might make her feel better. Rory says she feels fine, and that she doesn't want to shop. Lorelai says she knows Rory's been in a funk over CuteDean, and she shouldn't dwell on it all the time. Rory says she's going to be late for school. Lorelai tells her to meet her after school for Indian food and they'll ruin their dinner together. "Whatever," Rory mumbles as she pouts out of the room. Lorelai thanks her for the enthusiasm and asks whether "Up With People" knows about Rory.
The phone rings at Luke's. Luke answers it and takes an order as Lorelai enters carrying several bags, which she hikes onto the counter. She leaves and comes back with more bags. Luke hangs up and asks what all of this is. Lorelai says that this is everything she got at the mall, and that it only took two hours. He says it's impossible. She says she's a savant. He asks whether it's all returnable. She says it is. She makes him sit down so she can show him everything she bought. He asks for his credit card back. Lorelai hands it to him. Luke says the card looks "tired." Lorelai asks where Rachel is. She's out running some errands. Lorelai bought Rachel a copy of Out of Africa because Rachel had said she hadn't read it yet and Lorelai knows that Rory really liked the book. She also bought Rachel a new camera case. Luke says that Rachel already has one. Lorelai says that Rachel's is nylon and is falling apart and so she'd have to buy a new one anyway. She wants Luke to smell the leather, but he doesn't want to. He seems okay with that gift because it's practical. Lorelai says that she found those gifts right at the beginning of shopping, so then she wandered into Bloomingdales and there was an incredible sale on men's clothes, so she bought Luke a few things. Forty percent off on a black sweater. Soft pants that are so soft Lorelai wants to have the pants' baby. She found a belt with a great buckle for sixty percent off. Luke is trying to complain, but Lorelai is flitting around him holding up clothes and announcing sale prices, so he can only get out fragments of sentences. Lorelai also bought him some "shirt-y shirts" to go with the suit in case he didn't have any. Oh, and she bought him a suit. Maybe more than one suit. Luke asks whether anyone at the mall noticed she was going through a psychotic episode. "This suit? A hundred and seventy-five percent off." Luke says she wasn't supposed to be shopping for him. Lorelai says she thought he'd like something new to wear when he takes Rachel out tonight. Luke thanks her, but tells her to take the clothes back. Lorelai asks him to try on the suit. Luke says he likes the clothes he has. Lorelai pulls on the suit. "Okay. See this blazer? It was a hundred and seventy-five thousand percent off." Luke asks why she has a sudden need to dress him. Lorelai says she thought he might look nice in some of these things, and since they were six hundred thousand percent off, they were worth it. Luke pouts and says no. Lorelai asks if he'll just try something on like the sweater and the pants. Luke says he's not going to try any of the clothes on. Lorelai says that the lumberjack look isn't going to go out of style anytime soon, but it might be nice to look just once not "like an extra from Seven Brides For Seven Brothers." Luke tells Lorelai to take the clothes back. Lorelai asks for the jacket. She quotes Right Said Fred. Luke calls Lorelai a mental patient and runs away from her.
Chilton. Mustang Max is blabbing on about English. He strongly suggests that everyone read The Art of Fiction. Rory is staring out the window in complete blah. Paris, Louisa, and Fraulein notice. I guess that Philllipppe got transferred out of this class. Mustang Max gives an assignment on Henry James, and then notices that Rory wasn't listening. Paris drops something noisy to get Rory's attention. Max asks Rory whether she heard the assignment. Rory admits that she didn't. Max repeats it. Louisa smiles. Paris looks thoughtful. The bell rings. Paris walks over to Rory and says that Rory didn't take one note. She asks whether Rory is using osmosis to learn. Rory asks why Paris cares. Paris says that she doesn't, and that she was just making an observation. "Great. We'll build a dome over you and jam a telescope in your head," Rory says. She starts to walk away, but Max asks her to stay for a few seconds. Louisa and Fraulein say goodbye. "I'll get working on that dome," Paris says as she leaves. Hee.
Max sighs and asks Rory how she's doing. She says she's fine. He says that she seemed a bit distracted today. Rory admits that she didn't sleep so well last night. Max says that Rory's seemed to be a bit distracted for a while now. You know, that's just not true. Rory's been fine and chipper for weeks. She just got this funk once she saw CuteDean again. I don't know why they're making it sound like Rory's been depressed since they broke up. It's not true. Rory says that her grades are fine. Max says he's concerned about her, not about her grades. He says he knows that Rory's been going through a tough time lately, and he wants her to know that he's here for her. He knows that break-ups are hard. Rory asks how he knows about her break-up. Max says that Lorelai told him. Rory's all, "She what?" Max asks her to not be upset with Lorelai, and says it just came up in one of their conversations. Lorelai was worried about Rory, and she and Max started talking about it. "You've been talking to my mom?" Rory asks. Max says he has. Rory asks for how long. Max says they've been talking for about two or three weeks now. Rory asks whether they are dating. Max says that they aren't, but that they might have a date this weekend. He realizes that Rory didn't know anything about this. He apologizes, and Rory looks like she's about to cry as she says it's fine. Max says he's sure Lorelai was going to tell her soon. Rory says she's sure, too. She then says she'll miss the bus home if she doesn't leave now. The bus that comes after first period? Rory runs out and Max sighs. Sighing is an important ending to just about every other scene in this show. It's because everyone hyperventilates from all the talking.
Back at Luke's, Lorelai has somehow convinced Luke to try on the pants and sweater. He's all looking like those kids on the Jenny Jones makeover shows where they're dressed in a way they hate and they're all hunched over and miserable while everyone tries to convince them that this is the only way they look good and the only way anyone will ever love them. As Lorelai hands Luke a belt, some man behind Luke's counter, wearing an apron, feeds the pizza delivery boy from a zillion episodes ago. When did Luke hire another waiter? Lorelai starts to put the belt on Luke, but he says he knows how to put one on himself. Lorelai smiles and congratulates herself on her exceptional taste. She tells Luke to turn around so she can see if everything fits. The pizza delivery guy shouts, "Hey, Fabio! Can I get some ketchup?" Luke asks Lorelai to give the guy ketchup so he doesn't risk ruining the clothes, because he's taking them back. Why can't he get the food-serving-apron-wearing-behind-the-counter guy to give him some ketchup? Lorelai hands the guy the ketchup and asks Luke to try on the suit again. She wants to see it with a different shirt this time. Luke asks whether this is how Lorelai likes her guys: "All GQed up?" Lorelai says that it's just a bit less casual. But yeah, she's clearly dressed Luke just like Mustang Max here. Without the scary nipples. Lorelai says that this isn't making a new Luke, but showing another side of the old one. She's fiddling with the belt buckle when Rachel walks in. Luke's all, "Hey, honey, what's up?" but Rachel wants to know what Lorelai's doing with her hand on Luke's crotch. Understandably. Lorelai says that it isn't what it looks like. Rachel says it looks like she's dressing Luke. Lorelai says that it is exactly what it looks like, then. Luke says there was a sale. "Six trillion percent off," Lorelai adds. Luke asks how you could walk away from that. There's a sound here that's just like the bell the bartender at my old comedy club would ring when your joke bombed. It's a nice touch here. Luke says he's going to go change. Lorelai says that she's going to pick up Rory. Her and Rachel have an uncomfortable goodbye. Luke and Rachel have a strange moment before Luke goes to change.
Lane waits at the bus stop, armed with two cups of coffee. She meets Rory and hands her a cup. Rory thanks her. Lane says this feels awkward. Rory says that she's a big girl and doesn't need to be protected from things. Lane says she didn't want to make Rory sad. Rory asks how CuteDean's being Lane's study partner would make her sad. Lane admits that she doesn't even like bringing up his name around Rory because she always looks so pained when he's mentioned. Rory says she's fine. Lane asks whether Rory's seen her face when CuteDean is mentioned. Rory says that her face is fine. Lane says that Rory's face is far from fine. Rory says that she'll get over it. Lane says that Rory's not over it yet. Rory says that she might get over it faster if everyone in town weren't so busy trying to protect her from every little pain in the world. Well, that's certainly true. Lane huffs that she won't protect her anymore. In fact, if they're ever walking down the street and Rory's about to walk into traffic, Lane will just give her a little push. Rory says that's exactly what she's talking about. Lane says she was going to lie about where she has to be tonight, but she's not going to do that: she'll be studying with CuteDean. And probably tomorrow night and some time after that until their project is due week. Rory yells that she doesn't care, and that she'll just see Lane when she sees her. They "fine" and "bye" each other and huff off in different directions.
Rory slams her coffee into a trash can as Lorelai walks up and asks where Lane is going. "Away," Rory brats. Lorelai says that Rory has been in this mood for a week now; Lorelai's "tired of Goofus and [she'd like her] Gallant back." Rory snots that Lorelai can't ever just say a sentence normally, and that she has to be all silly or whatever. She can't just say, "Hey, let's talk." Lorelai grabs Rory's arm, pulls her around and says, "Hey, let's talk." Rory snots that maybe they could talk about her and Mustang Max and that they're dating. Lorelai asks whether Rory talked to Max. Lorelai has the largest and scariest part in her head here I've ever seen. Rory says that she had to stay after class today to talk about her break-up with CuteDean. Lorelai says that they weren't dating -- they were just talking and they only just now started talking about dating. Rory asks why Lorelai didn't bring it up with Rory. Lorelai tells a story from when she was in high school: her boyfriend broke up with her at the same time that her best friend broke up with her boyfriend. Well, her best friend got back together with her boyfriend, and Lorelai didn't get back together with hers, so she had to hear how happy her friend was and how in love she was and that it made her terribly sad and depressed and that she didn't want to do that to Rory. My sentences are starting to look like lines from this show. Lorelai says that Rory was so upset about CuteDean that she didn't want to gloat that things were going well with Max. Lorelai says that she was going to tell her, but that she wanted Rory to have some space. She was just trying to protect her. Rory stomps off and says that it doesn't matter because they're just going to break up again anyway. Lorelai follows Rory with an "excuse me?" Rory says that's what Lorelai's best at doing, anyway. She adds that they'll get back together, break up, cry, get back together, and do it over and over, and that she doesn't really want to have to hear about all of that anyway. She asks Lorelai just to fill her in at the final inning. Lorelai says that's a terrible thing even for "alternate universe Rory" to say. She asks for an apology. Rory gives a half-hearted one and asks to go home. Lorelai says that they'll go home, but that she wants a real apology. Rory pouts and notices that Lorelai isn't following her. Lorelai is about to enter the market; she says they need light bulbs. Rory says that they're fine and that they should just go. Lorelai says that they're in the dark at the house and it'll only take a second to pick up light bulbs. Man, who remembers that they need light bulbs in the middle of a fight? Rory won't go into the store. She says that she can't go in there since it isn't Wednesday. She leaves, saying she'll meet Lorelai at home.
Lorelai walks into the house and announces that she's ready for round two. She says she got some Silly String in case things get ugly. She walks around the house, shouting Rory's name. She even shouts, "Answer, please!" which seems to be some sort of code they have. There's nothing. Rory isn't there.
Hey, Richard's back. Emily is dressing him in a tux while he complains about this fundraiser gathering Emily's dragging him to this evening. It's to save a rare bird. Richard is tired of these fundraisers. He doesn't want to be bored out of his skull for four hours tonight by the same people he's going to be bored out of his skull by at tomorrow's symphony fundraiser. Emily reminds him to get his other tux from the cleaner tomorrow. Richard says that he plans on killing himself tonight during the opening of Katie Salinger's speech. Emily says that Katie Salinger is a dear friend and that he should be nice to her. Richard turns around and declares Katie Salinger a "dipsomaniac." There was a great moment here in my living room where everyone pretended we knew what that word meant, but then looked around to figure out who probably really knew what the word meant and then everyone confessed they had no idea. According to dictionary.com: "someone who has a morbid and uncontrollable craving (often periodic) for drink, esp. for alcoholic liquors; also improperly used to denote acute and chronic alcoholism." You learn something new every day. How, in my vast group of drunken friends, have we never heard of this word before? Richard says that he's going to bring his newspaper to the event. While Emily complains, the doorbell sounds. Emily answers the door. It's Rory. There's a taxi behind her. "Hey, Gramma," Rory says, as we fade to black.
Emily asks whether everything is okay. Rory says that everything is fine. Emily calls Richard over to pay the cab. Richard sees Rory and says hello. Emily tells him to pay the cab, and that she'll talk to Rory. They go inside. Emily asks Rory what's happening. Rory says that she had a fight with Lorelai, and that she just had to get out of Stars Hollow for the evening. Richard walks in bitching about the price of the cab and asks Rory whether she'd like a cocktail. Rory politely declines. Emily scolds him. Richard says that he's just a bit confused. Rory sees that they are in black tie and realizes that they had plans for the evening. She tells them to go out anyway and that she should have called. Richard says that she doesn't have to apologize. Emily says that Rory doesn't have to call before she comes over, and that she's welcome anytime. "Tonight, especially," Richard adds. Emily asks whether Rory wants to talk. Richard tells her not to pry, and says that Rory needs some peace. Emily asks how he knows what Rory needs. Richard says that he can tell. I love Emily's line: "Oh! You're a mind reader now. How nice. We'll get you a turban and a little booth by the train station." Rory asks whether she can stay the night. Emily says that of course she may stay. Richard says that she can stay as long as she'd like. Emily asks whether she wants something to eat. Rory says that she'd just like to get some sleep. Emily says that the room is all ready for her, and that there are pajamas in the drawer. There's a new toothbrush in the bathroom. It's pink with sparkles. Emily thought that Rory would like it. Rory thanks her, hugs her, hugs Richard, and leaves for bed. Emily says that everything will be fine. "Richard, say something encouraging," she mumbles. Richard stops Rory, raises his drink and says, "I'm sorry you're upset, but I applaud your timing." Rory says that she'll see them tomorrow and goes to bed. Richard asks what's going on. "She had a fight with Lorelai," Emily says. "And she came here." Emily sits looking incredibly pleased with herself.
Lorelai is on the phone with MamaLane. She asks whether Lane is there. She asks whether MamaLane knows where Lane is. She makes a noise and says it's unbelievable because MamaLane always knows where Lane is: "The one time I need you to be crazy prison guard lady you're all, 'Hey, man. Whatever.'" Hee. She then says she'll never be able to explain that last sentence to MamaLane's satisfaction, so she's going to hang up the phone. She asks her to have Lane call her, and says that she can't find Rory. "Don't 'ha' me, you don't know where Lane is either," she says, and then hangs up the phone. Sookie walks in and says that Rory isn't with Miss Patty, at the library, or at Luke's. Lorelai wonders where Rory is, and why she didn't leave a note. Sookie asks her to calm down. Lorelai says that Rory doesn't just take off because she knows it would make Lorelai crazy. She starts to panic, and Sookie asks her to calm down. Mustang Max shows up and asks if there's any good news. They say they have no idea where she is. He asks about CuteDean. Sookie runs off to go ask CuteDean if he's seen her. Doesn't anyone just call people? Lorelai thanks Max for his good suggestion, and says she's freaking out. Max says that it's going to be okay. The phone rings. It's Emily. She says that she just wanted Lorelai to know that Rory is there with them. I can't believe Emily didn't let Lorelai squirm longer, but I guess she wanted to gloat as soon as possible. Lorelai holds back tears and asks if Rory's okay. Emily says that she's fine, but that she asked to spend the night. Lorelai asks how she got there. Emily says that she took a cab. Lorelai asks to talk to Rory, but Emily says that she doesn't think that's the best idea. Emily says that Rory told her they had a fight. Lorelai says that they had a disagreement. "She said 'a fight,'" Emily says. Lorelai asks to talk to Rory again. Emily says that she doesn't think so. "She went to her room, Lorelai," Emily says. "Her room is here," Lorelai reminds her. Emily says that she didn't go to Lorelai's house and kidnap Rory, but that Rory ran away from Lorelai to come to Emily's house. Rory was very upset and just wanted some quiet. She thinks it's best just to leave Rory alone and let her sleep. She says that the morning would be best for further arguments about the situation. Lorelai says she'll pick Rory up in the morning. Emily points out that Rory has school in the morning and that Chilton is right to the house. Lorelai says that she'll pick Rory up after school. Emily tells Lorelai to call tomorrow when Rory gets back from school, and they'll see where things are then, just in case Rory wants to stay for a while. "I'll talk to you tomorrow," Lorelai pouts venomously. She hangs up.
Lorelai tells Max that Rory's in Hartford with her parents. Max says that she's safe. Lorelai says that nobody is safe with Emily: "That house is not safe. It's like the Amityville Horror without all the good times." Max suggests that she go get Rory if it's that bad. Lorelai says that Rory wanted to be away from her, and to be alone. She walks into the kitchen, saying that she is supposed to give Rory her space. Max has a look like, "So, we're home alone tonight, is what you're saying?"
In the kitchen, Max walks in and asks whether Lorelai is okay. Lorelai says that she can't believe Rory would leave instead of talking things out with her. Max asks what they fought about. "Oh. You," Lorelai says. She says that the fight started being about Max, but that it's more than that because of the whole CuteDean thing. She wishes Rory hadn't run away. Max turns her around and says that they'll work everything out soon. Lorelai says that Max is good at the comforting thing. They kiss. She asks whether he'd like some coffee. He would. As she starts making coffee, Max asks Lorelai why she didn't tell Rory about them. She says that Rory was so upset about CuteDean, she didn't want to gloat with her good news. Max asks whether Lorelai's told other people. Lorelai admits that she hasn't, adding that it really never came up in conversation. Max asks whether she's avoiding it. Lorelai says that she isn't. Max says he'd think it would've come up by now. Lorelai says that it hasn't come up naturally. Max says that he's been talking about it. Lorelai says he's a better people person than she is. Max wants to know whether there's a reason Lorelai doesn't want anyone to know. Lorelai says there isn't, and she means it. They banter back for a while about whether or not she means that. She does. It's settled. Lorelai goes to page Sookie to tell her that Rory is okay.
It's morning. Rory walks into the dining room and asks where her skirt is. Emily says she's getting it pressed and that it'll be ready by the time Rory finishes eating breakfast. Rory sits at the table. Emily says that there's eggs, fruit, toast, pancakes, and blintzes. Rory says that anything would be fine. Emily asks what Rory usually eats. "Mostly I just grab a Pop-Tart," Rory says. "That sounds delicious. I'll have Rosa whip one up for you!" Ha. Rory stops her and says that eggs would be great. Emily leaves to order. Rory sees Richard reading the paper and asks what's new in the world today. "Well, as usual, it's going to hell in a handbasket," Richard says, still reading the paper. Rory says it's nice that you can depend on some things. Richard looks up, smiles, and agrees that it is. He asks whether she'd like part of the paper. She says she would. He hands her the "Living Arts" section. Emily sits back down and says the food will be ready soon. She asks whether Rory slept well. Rory says that the bed was very comfortable. "But you didn't sleep well?" Emily prods. Rory starts to stammer an explanation, but Emily interrupts to tell her she called Lorelai last night and told her where Rory was. Rory asks whether Lorelai was mad. Emily thinks for a second, and then says, "She was concerned." It's quiet for a few seconds. Emily asks whether Rory gets her lunch at school or brings it from home. Rosa made a wonderful leg of lamb the other day that she could pack for her. Richard tells Rory to demand a slice of the strudel. Rory smiles and then demands some strudel. Emily asks what's happening in school today. Rory says she has a test in Spanish. Richard asks whether she's prepared. Rory says that she is, and that she likes Spanish. "Biology, on the other hand..." This is where Rory and Richard debate over when in your life you actually need to know the internal organs of a frog, deciding that if Richard dealt in frog life insurance, it might be something that came up now and again. Rory's breakfast arrives. She thanks them for letting her stay. Emily says it's nice having her there. "You got your grandfather to put his newspaper down at the breakfast table. That's a first." Richard complains that he's not that bad and Emily says that he is. Richard snaps his paper again.
Lorelai enters Luke's and sits at the counter. Luke comments that Lorelai looks like hell. She says she didn't get much sleep last night because of a fight with Rory after which Rory ran away. Luke freaks out until Lorelai tells him that Rory is at Emily's. Lorelai says she got in the car three times to go and pick her up last night, and that she'd drive halfway there and then turn around and go home. On the last trip she ran out of gas. Luke says that Rory will cool off and come home. Lorelai says she can't believe all of this pain Rory's in. She's such a great kid, and she got hurt by this boy, and there's nothing she can do about it. Luke and Lorelai bitch about CuteDean and wish they could pinch his head off. Lorelai wishes she could key CuteDean's car. Luke says she should key Cardigan Man's car and tell him that CuteDean did it and then tell him that CuteDean littered and that he walks his dog without a leash: "He'll run him out of town!" Lorelai celebrates. She says she has to go and wait at home in case Rory calls. Luke says the coffee is on the house. Lorelai turns to go but notices that Luke is wearing the belt she bought. He says the old one broke. Lorelai says it's pretty good timing. Luke stops her and says that Rory will be home soon.
Lorelai is walking home and stops by the market. She looks inside the window and sees CuteDean stocking shelves. She stops and starts a few times and then enters the store. She walks over to him and asks if he has a minute; she says she just wants to tell him that she thinks he's scum. "Gee, thanks," CuteDean says. Lorelai rages that he's never going to find a girl as great as Rory. She says that she's beautiful and smart and doesn't deserve to be treated that way. "Treated what way?" CuteDean asks cutely, but Lorelai isn't finished. She says she's an idiot for thinking he was one of the good ones and that he was going to treat Rory well. CuteDean yells that he's tired of everyone blaming this on him: "I say 'I love you' and she just sits there and I'm the jerk? I'm the bad guy?" Lorelai asks what he's talking about. CuteDean says he doesn't care anymore and he wants to be left alone. He turns his back on Lorelai and goes back to stocking cans. Lorelai leaves. CuteDean sighs, signifying the end of the scene.
Emily answers her door. It's Lorelai. Emily says she told Lorelai to call. Lorelai asks for Rory, and then walks upstairs to get her. Emily follows behind her with a blow-by-blow of every second since Rory got home. Lorelai stops her and says she'd just like to talk to Rory.
Lorelai walks into Rory's room and shuts the door. Rory gets up and hugs Lorelai, apologizing. Lorelai says it's okay. They make up using sentence fragments. Lorelai asks Rory to talk about what happened. Rory says that she just snapped and needed to get away. Lorelai says that she's very familiar with the need to run, but that the two of them have to not run away from each other in order to can keep their special relationship working. Rory says she understands. Lorelai asks what happened with Rory and CuteDean. Rory says that she doesn't want to talk about it. Lorelai says that she wants to, because she went and yelled at CuteDean today. Rory is just a bit mortified that Lorelai did that. Lorelai tells Rory what CuteDean told her, and Rory looks nervous. Rory says that CuteDean looked so hurt when she didn't say anything back and she didn't know what to do because she didn't want to hurt him. "I just got scared and I sat there." Lorelai says she understands. She says she's still learning right now, too, and so she doesn't know what she's supposed to be teaching Rory. She says she has a fear of commitment and relationships, and that she doesn't want Rory to be like her: "I would hate to think I raised a kid who couldn't say 'I love you.'" Rory starts to protest, but Lorelai says she doesn't mean specifics here; she just wants Rory not to be like her when it comes to matters of the heart. Lorelai says to imagine Rory is dating Taylor Hanson. Rory tries to ask why, but Lorelai asks her to go with the hypothetical situation. Rory asks how she and Taylor hooked up. Lorelai explains that it happened backstage at one of his concerts. Rory asks whether Hanson is still together, and why Lorelai didn't stop her from going to a Hanson concert. Lorelai says she's just trying to make a point. If Rory and Taylor were dating for a while and were happy, she would want Rory to be able to say, "Taylor, I love you." Rory says this hypothetical is wigging her out. Lorelai says her point is that it's scary to be in love, but it's also wonderful and special, and if Rory can't fully say it or express it, then she's never going to experience it, and since Rory is such a great person, she should be allowed to experience this wonderful thing. She says that with someone, someday, it'll be right, and she wants Rory to be ready for that moment when it happens. Rory asks whether Lorelai is ready for that moment when it happens. Lorelai says that she's working on it: "I do, however, know what dress I'll be wearing."
Rory thanks Emily and Richard for keeping her. Lorelai asks how much she owes for the cab. Richard tells her not to worry about it. Lorelai thanks them for keeping her safe. Emily says that she's their granddaughter and she's always welcome. Lorelai says she'll see them tomorrow night. "Seven 'o clock," Emily says. "Oh, really?" Lorelai asks. "Is it seven? Cause I wasn't sure." Hee. Emily says goodbye and Lorelai leaves with Rory. Richard sighs and says it looks like it's just the two of them again. "I guess so," Emily says. They walk off with their arms around each other. That sounds like I'm making that up. It really did happen.
In the car, Rory tells Lorelai that she almost let Rosa try to make a homemade Pop-Tart. Lorelai remembers that the one thing forcing her to leave her parents' house was her parents. Rory asks to be let out of the car at Lane's. Lorelai pulls over and tells Rory she'll have a pizza waiting at home. Lorelai watches Rory ring the doorbell, talk to Lane for a few seconds, and then hug her.
Back at home, Lorelai picks up the phone and an address book. Max answers. "Now, starting with the A's," she says. "First up is Richie Andrews. He's either a second cousin on my mother's side or the guy who re-grouted the bathroom. Either way, I think he's going to be thrilled to hear about us." Max laughs and starts to interrupt, but Lorelai continues by saying that she's going to let everyone at the inn know by putting notices in the rooms: "Welcome to the Independence Inn. Max and Lorelai are back together." Now, wasn't the secrecy because Max didn't want to get fired? I'd think he wouldn't want her telling anyone. Max asks whether he may see Lorelai after her dinner the day. Lorelai says that she doesn't know; she has a lot of phone calls to make. She says she might post it on the internet. Max says goodnight and hangs up. Lorelai, for some reason, calls up Richie, as the episode ends.
week is the last episode of the season. I know. That's the saddest news ever.