Lorelai and Rory walk through the town playing an alphabet game. With each letter the other has to come up with a disease that begins with that letter. It's how they decide who has to clean out the refrigerator. The game ends when Lorelai spots puppies in the park. Puppies, people. Because this show just isn't cute enough on its own? We need puppies in here, too? Lorelai giggles straight over to one and points her out to Rory. The puppy's name is "Buttercup." She's a stray that was found on a highway. Lorelai points out that Buttercup was abandoned on a very sad highway. Rory says that every highway is quite sad. The puppy gives a very sad face. Lorelai reads off Buttercup's "lineage," which basically solidifies her standing as a mutt. Rory continues reading: "Buttercup is a special dog. She tends to react badly towards blonde-haired females, brunet males, children of either sex, other animals, red clothing, cabbage, or anyone in a uniform." Lorelai spots Luke and says to him, "Hey! We just found the doggie version of you." Luke warns the animal shelter volunteer not to let either Lorelai or Rory go home with any of the dogs. "They can barely feed themselves," he mutters. Lorelai starts to fantasize about life with Buttercup until Rory reminds her of "Skippy." Luke asks for the Skippy story. Lorelai says that Luke wouldn't care what the Skippy story is, but Rory tells him anyway. Skippy was a hamster Lorelai used to own that would bite her whenever she got near him. Lorelai interjects here that Skippy would also laugh at her after he bit. Lorelai got angry with Skippy and refused to clean his cage, and instead would shove pieces of Kleenex into the cage each day until eventually Skippy's cage was a giant piece of tissue paper that moved. Lorelai then took the cage back to the pet store where she bought Skippy, waited until there was no one behind the counter, overturned the cage's contents onto the counter and ran away. Luke is appalled that Lorelai would abandon her hamster. Lorelai says that Skippy was an evil "Damien" hamster. She tries to come up with more demonic adjectives for Skippy, loses her steam, and says goodbye to both Buttercup and Luke. Rory puts her arm around Lorelai and says she did the right thing. "I want a pet!" Lorelai whines. Rory reminds her that she has her. Lorelai says that Rory never brings her her slippers in the morning. Rory says she would if Lorelai had some. Lorelai asks if she can put a collar on Rory. Rory scoffs. Lorelai adds that the collar would be pink. "You're sick," Rory says. "Hey. Watch how you talk to me. Remember what happened to Skippy." Rory and Lorelai walk away, leaving the townies to silently mull over the puppies until the opening credits kick in.
The Colgate 2-in-1 mouthwash / toothpaste might be the scariest thing I've ever seen. People, how lazy are we? will I have to buy steak with floss already wrapped inside?
Lorelai is sitting on Mustang Max's kitchen counter. He's doing the dishes; she's eating from a giant pot. He's mocking her, as they just finished this candlelit dinner that he prepared during which she only took two bites of her food, but now that he's doing the dishes, she can't stop eating. She says that watching people work makes her hungry, and if she hadn't stopped watching This Old House, she'd be five hundred pounds by now. Max adds more food to Lorelai's pot. Lorelai asks where he learned to cook the Italian dish they just had. He stammers an obvious lie about an old Italian lady that lived upstairs from him until she stops him to comment that it was obviously an old girlfriend and he admits that it was. What's amazing is that what has taken me only seven sentences to describe has taken them over four minutes of rapid-fire "banter" that leaves me too exhausted to recap. I'm so over Mustang Max. Lorelai jumps off the counter, spins a bit right in front of Max's lips, and then walks off. They almost kiss, but not quite. As Max continues cleaning the kitchen, Lorelai snoops over to his desk. She asks if he finished reading Rory's paper yet. He says he hasn't. "It's really good," she says, finding it in the pile of school papers and putting it on the top. Lorelai tells him that there are very big words in Rory's paper, so he'll probably need a dictionary for it. He says he'll have one. Lorelai offers to help him save time by just putting an "A" on it herself. Max says it wouldn't be fair to the other students whose mothers aren't there tonight. Lorelai flirts and grins. She says that life isn't fair and, "the sooner those kids learn that, the better." Lorelai turns around and starts going through Max's books, complimenting him on his collection. She pulls out one book and says that she's never read Proust, even though she's always wanted to. She'd like to sound all learned and be able to quote him every once in a while. Max tells her to borrow the book. She says she will. She sits down and starts thumbing through the pages. "Not now," Max laughs. No, go ahead and read, Lorelai. Because then you two aren't talking at the speed of light, and I don't have to transcribe any more SmarmyMax. She keeps acting like she's going to read the book, so he starts kissing her. She shuts the book and stands up into his arms. He keeps kissing her, even though she stops kissing him to quip something about her grades suffering if she doesn't finish her required reading, but Max keeps kissing her into his bedroom.
Lorelai tiptoes into her house holding her shoes in her hand, just like when Rory came home all late the other week. "Where do you think you're going?" a voice calls. It's Rory, and she's on the couch like she was waiting up for Lorelai. But she's smiling, so Lorelai isn't really in any trouble. Keeping the cute theme going, here. Rory tells Lorelai that it's one in the morning. That's really kind of early for a sex date, isn't it? Like I know anything. Lorelai says that her watch stopped and she never noticed the time. And there was a car wreck. And she had to save kittens. And small children. And four baby chicks. Rory asks whether Lorelai had a nice time. "Not bad," Lorelai smiles. Rory says, "That's a very big smile for a 'not bad' night." Lorelai tells Rory that Max loaned her a book. Rory asks if Lorelai knows what it means when a boy lends you a book. "That he's already read it?" Lorelai guesses. "Yep," Rory nods. Lorelai asks how Rory's night was. Rory says she did homework. "How many times did Dean call?" Lorelai asks. I'm so used to calling him CuteDean that it kind of throws me when she doesn't call him that too. "Not that many," Rory says. Lorelai: "How many?" Rory: "Three." Lorelai squints. Rory: "Five." My left leg starts to twitch from the sugar rush. Lorelai asks if Rory is going to stay on the couch tonight. Rory says she's got the pillows in a perfect "mush" position, and she doesn't want to move. Lorelai kisses her on the top of the head and says, "Night, Mom." Rory puts on the grown-up voice and says, "Yeah, you just think about what you've done." "I will," Lorelai purrs, and it's kinda creepy. Just because she's saying that to Rory about her teacher, and I fully expect Rory to counter with a, "Gross!" -- but she doesn't. Instead she stops Lorelai to tell her that she looks happy. "I am, Kid," Lorelai smiles back. "Just checking," Rory says. They both happily go to bed.
Max's Chilton class. He's quoting Emily Dickinson and walking around the side of the room. We pan around to see Paris and Rory in class. Max is discussing how Emily Dickinson wrote about passion and the world even though she lived as a recluse. Max finishes his monologue just a few uncomfortable seconds before the Foley artist adds the bell ringing, but they keep it anyway. Rory listens to Fraulein and Louisa discuss how dreamy Mustang Max is. Fraulein wonders if he's dating anyone. Fraulein thinks that maybe he's dating another teacher. Louisa reminds Fraulein that teachers aren't sexy. Fraulein says she bets Max's girlfriend is pretty. Louisa is pretty sure that Max's girlfriend is dumb. "Dumb girls crave smart men," Louisa lisps. "It's the whole Marilyn Monroe / Arthur Miller syndrome." They join up with Paris as Fraulein says that Max's girlfriend is lucky. Paris, always happy to be the killjoy, interrupts with, "Whoever he's dating is a loser who doesn't care that he's a teacher in this ridiculous school making a ridiculous teacher's salary." She storms off but stops to ask Rory, "What are you looking at?" Fraulein and Louisa walk closer to Rory to fill in the gossip gaps. Paris' parents are having a divorce and the messy details are getting printed all over business papers. Rory stops at her locker. Before Louisa and Fraulein walk away they both stop and give a friendly hello to Rory. She gives a hesitant one back. Fraulein stops to ask Louisa if Paris' mother really had the entire back of her body surgically reconstructed. Louisa responds with, "Well, it doesn't match the front, now, does it?"
If there's food out, it must be Friday night. Emily fishes for compliments on the food. She gets them. Lorelai asks why Emily is wearing a strange smile. Emily pretends she has no idea what strange smile she could possibly be wearing. Lorelai says it's Emily's, "I've got something on Lorelai," smile. "Rory, your mother must be very tired," Emily says. "She works a lot," Rory offers. Lorelai says she knows that smile. Emily fakes changing the subject, but Lorelai keeps on about the smile. Emily asks Rory about Parents Day. Lorelai has no idea about Parents Day. This is because the Chilton Newsletter came out today, which Lorelai hasn't read yet and Emily has, thus the source of Emily's smug smile. Emily gently teases Lorelai about not having read the newsletter. It's slightly endearing. Emily asks if Lorelai is going to Parents Day. Lorelai says she'd rather talk about it Friday, after she's read the paper. Emily says that would be counter-productive, as Parents Day is this coming Wednesday, and by Friday the discussion shouldn't be if Lorelai is going to Parents Day, but rather, what happened when she went. Lorelai is a bit thrown by how close Parents Day is, and Rory tells her she doesn't have to come. Lorelai says she wants to come. Rory says she knows that Lorelai has work at the Inn. Emily says she can go. "What?" Lorelai asks. "Why not? You have to work. I, as you have insinuated, have no life. Therefore, I will go sit with Rory at Parents Day." Lorelai decides that she's going to Parents Day. There's a three-way, "Fine!" and they all go back to their dinners. Emily smugly asks if Lorelai read on page two about the Mother-Daughter talent show. Lorelai snarfs into her food. Rory smiles and asks if she's okay. This show still has some quiet scene-enders.
Back at the Gilmore home, Rory is yelling that it's almost eight and that she has to go. It's awful hazy and twilighty to be eight in the morning or evening in this wintertime period. But Lorelai is in a dress and Rory isn't in uniform, so I'm assuming it's nighttime. Lorelai is yelling that she can't find her orange suede hairclip. Rory shouts a few places where it could be and then huffs and puffs her way up the stairs. She asks if Lorelai checked the sock drawer. Lorelai finds her clip and says, "I love you!" Rory kisses Lorelai goodbye and starts to leave. Lorelai stops her to ask where her blue, disco sequined bag is. Rory says, "No." She says it's "bad." Rory starts to go again, but Lorelai stops her. Rory whines that Max will be there any minute and she needs to leave. Lorelai keeps asking Rory the whereabouts of various accessories until Max rings the doorbell. Lorelai and Rory go into full panic mode, as Rory isn't supposed to be in the house when a date shows up for Lorelai and Lorelai can't believe that Max would show up on time and not late like you're supposed to do on a date. Rory doesn't want to answer the door for her English teacher, but Lorelai doesn't want Max standing outside in the cold wondering why no one will answer the door. Max is standing outside, and he can hear every word that they are shouting. Lorelai shouts, "Just this once!" and runs upstairs.
Rory answers the door. Max steps inside. Rory offers to get him something, but says that they really don't have anything to give him but she's just being nice about offering something because that's what you do and that's what she would do if they had something, and blah, blah, blah, GilmoreGirlRantcakes. Rory offers Max some water again, and says they have bottled water. Well, one bottle of water. Rory looks down and reflects, "We really need to go to the store." Max asks if they could maybe step inside the house and sit down or something. They sit. Max asks what Rory's doing tonight. She's going to Lane's. Rory asks what they're doing. "Dinner. Movies. Usual." They sit and stare at each other for a little while, until Max says that this is a bit uncomfortable. Rory agrees that it is. Max says that if things go well, they might be doing this again. He wants to keep seeing Lorelai. Rory says she's fine with him and her mother dating. Max says he's glad. Rory jumps up and says she has to go. Max says it was good talking to her. He asks her to call him "Max" instead of "Mr. Medina." She says she doesn't think she could do that because it sounds disrespectful. Max says they should come up with non-Chilton names for each other. He says when he sees her outside of school, he'll call her "Rebecca." He asks what she'll call him. She offers "Norman." Max flinches at the name "Norman." Rory apologizes and says that she just finished watching Psycho so that name was readily available. She offers to call him "Alfred" instead, but Max settles for "Norman." He says he's thinking about legally changing his name to it. Rory excuses herself and Max tells her to have fun with Lane. Rory stops and says, "Oh, and Norman? Have her home by ten." Max delivers a half-assed, "You kids!" wave as we fade to commercial.
I don't know. I hate to say it, but I'm going to say it. This episode is kinda boring in comparison. I think it's the over-saturation of Mustang Max.
Rory sits at the diner, listening to Sookie and Jackson argue. Sookie is upset about "fried stuffed squash blossoms." Jackson is asking her to stuff a "Zucchini Tush" instead. It's a "genetically engineered vegetable that's named after a butt." Sookie is appalled. Jackson says the vegetable is completely safe. Rory is hiding her giggles. Jackson says that Sookie could put the hybrid veggie on the map. Sookie wants her squash blossoms. Jackson calls Sookie small-minded and leaves. Sookie sits to Rory. "Jackson invented a new vegetable again?" Rory asks. "Yeah," Sookie says, grabbing a cup of coffee. "It's too bad that bowling league didn't work out for him," Rory says. "Yeah," Sookie drones.
Lorelai walks in holding ice skates. Rory asks where Lorelai found them. "They were in the drawer to the roasting pans." Of course they were. Sookie asks what the skates are for. Rory and Lorelai explain that they are going skating together. Rory plays Nancy Kerrigan and Lorelai plays Tonya Harding, complete with the falling and the moaning about the laces. Luke walks over and laughs at the skates. He asks if they fit her anymore. Lorelai asks why Luke is always trying to ruin her fun and says that yes, the skates fit. Luke says the skates look rusty. She asks for coffee. Luke asks for the skates. He says he's going to clean them and tighten the blades. Lorelai warms up all over and asks if he'll make them really shiny and put pom-poms on them. Luke takes the skates and tells her not to push it. Sookie remarks that Lorelai gets really good service in this diner. She gets paged and walks away. Rory asks Lorelai if they can invite "Max" to go skating with them. Lorelai and I have a moment where we wonder why she called him "Max." Lorelai wonders because Rory normally says, "Mr. Medina." I wonder because I really was starting to prefer "Norman." Rory says she's getting used to saying "Max." Lorelai says that Rory doesn't see Max that often after school. Rory says she knows that, but she probably will get used to seeing him, "Since you guys are obsessed with each other." Lorelai says they aren't obsessed. Rory says she doesn't mind, and that of all the guys hanging around she thinks Max is a good choice. Lorelai is clearly bothered by all of this. Rory asks if he would want to go skating with them. Lorelai says she doesn't think he skates. Rory says that they can maybe do something else together instead. Lorelai says that something other than skating would be great, but she obviously doesn't want to do anything with just the three of them. She stares at Rory for a second.
Back at the house, Lorelai moans and rubs her feet. She's now in some sort of ice-skating outfit with her feet in a tub of water. Sookie stands over the stove with a kettle, and asks Lorelai how her feet feel. Lorelai moans and complains about the state of her feet and how silly she feels that she thought she could still skate. Sookie asks what Lorelai's plans are for this evening. Lorelai says she's going to do some line dancing, then run a 10K, and then just jump up and down really hard for about an hour. Sookie asks if she's going to see Max this evening. Lorelai gets defensive and says that she doesn't see him every single night. Sookie says he sounds like a great guy. "He is," Lorelai tosses out. Sookie says that Lorelai doesn't sound very convincing. Lorelai says that Max is a great guy. "For someone," she adds. "Someone else," Sookie adds to that. "Yes." Sookie asks how long they've been dating. It's somehow already been two months. Lorelai asks for the point. Sookie says that Lorelai is right on schedule. Lorelai says she has no idea what Sookie is talking about. "This is about the time you start to do your little getaway dance," Sookie says. "Two months. Right on the nose. You're good." Lorelai says she doesn't do any sort of dance. "You're cha-cha-cha-ing right now," Sookie says. Lorelai says she's just being practical. She says she's seeing Rory get attached to Max and that's not a good thing. "Oh, Rory's getting attached?" Sookie teases.
Lorelai says that since she's decided that Max isn't right for her, she should break it off before Rory gets hurt. Sookie asks if she can say something. "Of course you can," Lorelai eye-rolls. "Cha-cha-cha." Lorelai: "Stop that." Sookie: "Livin' la vida loca!" Sookie continues to sing more Ricky Martin songs to Lorelai. Lorelai says that this isn't a pattern. Sookie agrees and says that Lorelai usually doesn't get so upset and defensive during the getaway dance. "You must really like this guy," Sookie says. Lorelai frowns and says, "When did you become a relationship expert? You haven't been in a relationship in years." Sookie stops and stares at the wall. Lorelai pauses for a second before she says, "Wow. Zero to jackass in three point two seconds." She apologizes and Sookie tells her that she's only talking that way because her feet hurt. Lorelai says there's no excuse for the way she just talked to her and apologizes again. Sookie says she understands. "You know, it's not like I don't want a relationship," Sookie says. Lorelai says she knows and says she didn't mean anything by it. Sookie says it's hard with her hours, since she's always at the Inn. Lorelai apologizes again and asks if Sookie wants to sing more Ricky Martin to her. "No," Sookie pouts. Lorelai says that Sookie can and that she deserves to have to hear the Ricky Martin. Sookie slowly eases back into some Ricky Martin until she's dancing around the room. Lorelai puts up with it, but is clearly in more pain than her feet.
Chilton. Rory passes Philllipppe who is gossiping with someone that he heard that Paris' father actually has a second family in Paris. Max stops Rory and stammers. He compliments her Dickinson paper. Rory starts to go, but Max stammers around and finally asks Rory if Lorelai is coming to Parents Day. Rory lets Max suffer a bit (stammering about needing to know how many cookies to reserve on the list) and then tells him that Lorelai is indeed coming. He says that Lorelai hasn't been returning his calls. Rory says that he should probably put down four cookies on the Cookie RSVP list. See? Succinct. This scene was actually seventeen hours long. He couldn't be more obvious in the middle of the hallway in gossip central, by the way. Couldn't he ask to see her in class or something to ask about her mom? Gah. How mortifying.
Lorelai opens a box and finds pizza. Rory asks how old the pizza is. Lorelai isn't sure what Tuesday it is from. Rory tells her to toss the box. Lorelai continues cleaning out the refrigerator as Rory sits at the table and explains the Paris gossip happening at the school. Paris' dad is a "big-wig" at a pharmaceutical company, so the entire divorce is getting write-ups in the paper. Lorelai asks how sordid it is. Rory says that it falls somewhere between Rick James and Hugh Grant. Lorelai says that if it were happening to anyone else in the universe but Paris, she might feel bad. Rory confesses that she does feel a bit bad for Paris, since the whole school is talking about her. Lorelai says that Rory feels that way because she's the nicest kid to ever walk the planet. Rory tells Lorelai about how Fraulein and Louisa said hello to her the other day. "Wow! You're the new Heather," Lorelai says through a French Fry. I love any kind of Heather joke. I really do. Lorelai finds the pizza box that is older than the one she threw away and tries to pull the other pizza back out of the trash until Rory stops her. They call each other "Oscar" and "Felix," but Rory wins.
Rory spots the Proust on the table and asks how Lorelai's reading is coming. Lorelai says she finished. Rory remarks that it took her forever to read that book and that she had to check it out ten times. Lorelai says that she finished, "the first sentence." She says that she's really busy and all. She asks if Rory can return the book for her. Rory says that Lorelai can just bring the book with her tomorrow. "Tomorrow?" At Parents Day. Lorelai says she's not sure whether she can make Parents Day. She says she has a thing at the Inn. Rory asks what thing Lorelai has. Lorelai says something about little men and flags to the point where it sounds like she has a Time-Life Chess Set arriving at the Inn tomorrow. Lorelai says she doesn't think she can go to Parents Day so she'd rather Rory just returned the book to him tomorrow. Rory asks why Lorelai can't return the book the time she sees Max. Lorelai says she doesn't know when that's going to be. Rory figures out that Lorelai is breaking up with Max. She says that he hasn't heard from her in a while and now Lorelai wants her to return his book. Lorelai asks how Rory knew that Lorelai hadn't called him and is angry that Max was asking Rory about her. Rory asks why Lorelai is breaking up with him. Lorelai angrily says that it's not working out. Rory says that Lorelai looked so happy. They begin to argue about why Lorelai won't go to Parents Day and that the "thing at the Inn" isn't really true at all. Rory's upset that Lorelai is lying to her and trying to get her to do her dirty work with Max and storms off. Door slam. Lorelai pulls the nasty pizza from the trash out of spite. Commercial.
Lorelai is following Rory around the Chilton hallway. Rory is in full-pout mode. Lorelai asks if she still likes her. "You bug me," Rory says. Lorelai says she'll take that as a "yes." Lorelai says she's going to deal with Max herself. Rory goes to her locker. They stand in ear-shot (which is, like, a fifty-yard radius) of Paris' locker. Paris is whining that her mother can't leave already since she hasn't even had first period yet. Paris' mother complains that she doesn't have time for this and that she's already got a headache. She then begins ripping Paris' appearance apart, asking her if she's using her special cleanser. Paris asks whether her mother will just go to Lit class with her. MommaParis says with everything going on in her life, the last thing she wants to do is face a bunch of bored people who are gossiping about her. She makes another remark about Paris' skin and then walks away. Lorelai says to Rory, "Bet I'm looking pretty good to you right now." Lorelai asks what class is first. It's Max's class, of course. Lorelai makes a joke about skipping first period.
Max lectures to the crowded classroom about the upcoming creative writing projects. He comments that normally at the end of this class, he'd read a section of Proust, but he's misplaced his copy. Lorelai starts and hides the book under her bag. The bell rings and class is dismissed. Lorelai tells Rory she's going to talk to Max for a second alone. "Please be nice," Rory says. She leaves.
Lorelai stands at the back of the class. Max says it's nice to see her. She says she's been busy. She says she wanted to give him back the book. He tells her to keep it. She says she liked the first twenty pages but then she got busy. He asks what's going on. She says that she doesn't think a book with a twenty-page sentence is for her. He asks what's been keeping her from calling him. "I don't know. Things. Sorry." She tries to give him the book again. He asks why she keeps trying to give him the book. She says it's his. He asks if there's something going on that he doesn't know about. "Yeah. I hate Proust," Lorelai says. Max figures out that Lorelai is breaking up with him. "I don't know," she says. "Not only are you breaking up with me, you're doing it really badly." Lorelai asks if she's being graded. Max says he would have expected a better dumping from her. Lorelai says she needs space. Max says he'd like as little space as possible. She says it's not working. He says it is. She says that Max walked into a family and now Rory is getting attached and she's afraid that Rory will get hurt. Max says that they talked already about how Rory would be able to handle them dating. Lorelai says she's not so sure and she's not ready to find out. Max says he knows that Lorelai is just worried about getting hurt herself. Max says that he's not going to let Lorelai off that easily. Lorelai says there's nothing he can do. He says he's sure there is. She says there isn't. He says there is. She says there isn't. Is. Isn't. Is. Isn't. "Shut up!" I scream at the television. Lorelai makes a joke about them not being in high school, even though they are in high school. "This is so not you," Max says, but it's hard for him to sound sincere. You know, through the smarm. Lorelai says that Max doesn't know everything about her. "I guess not," Max says. Lorelai tries to hand him his book. "You missed me," Max says. Lorelai tells him to stop. Lorelai tries to leave but Max keeps asking her questions. There are more lame jokes about whether or not this is actually a class and if Lorelai raised her hand to speak or not. Lorelai asks him to take the book. Max threatens her if she tries to hand him the book again. It's an empty threat, as they just begin kissing. They kiss and kiss until Paris stops outside the classroom window and watches. It's a weird, quiet kiss full of nose-breathing, by the way, and nowhere near the really good-looking kisses they did when they first got together. Nice ethics, Teach, by the way.
Paris stands in the hallway with her scathingly brilliant idea. You know, there's something about private school uniforms that makes me want to make jokes about Hayley Mills and The Trouble With Angels, but I forget that not everyone grew up with my mother and perhaps I'm the only twenty-five-year-old in the land who knows that movie's catchphrase. Or that movie. Or Hayley Mills.
Cafeteria. Paris leans down and whispers to a few people. Rory looks up from her book as she hears the cafeteria bedlam rise. Philllipppe leans in towards Rory and gives her a smile. Paris walks over to Rory and stands in front of her, smiling. Rory asks what's going on. "Oh, everyone is just talking about the mom that Mr. Medina was seen kissing just now." Rory: "What?" Paris: "And the weird thing is, she looks a lot like your mom." Paris tells Rory that she saw her mother kissing Mr. Medina. Paris walks away as Lorelai walks up and asks Rory if she saved her some Jell-o. Rory stomps away from the cafeteria. Lorelai follows her.
On the staircase, Lorelai asks Rory where she's going. Rory turns around and asks, "Were you kissing him?" Lorelai says she was. Rory, in tears, asks, "What the hell is wrong with you?" She says she thought Lorelai was breaking up with him. Lorelai says that she was. "I know I told you to be nice, but, this was a little extreme, don't you think?" Lorelai says it wasn't supposed to happen. Rory tells her that Paris saw them and that it's all over the school now. Lorelai apologizes. She says this is exactly why she didn't want to date him. Rory asks why Lorelai would do this. Lorelai says that she's human and she screwed up. Rory asks why she's breaking up with him if she likes him so much. Lorelai says that she broke some rules by dating him and it's wrong because now they're in a stairwell at her school arguing about Lorelai's love life, and the entire reason for making these dating rules was so that Rory didn't ever have to be involved with the men that Lorelai is dating. Rory says that she's not a kid anymore and doesn't need Lorelai to hide her personal life. Rory stomps away and says she can't believe Lorelai is blaming her for all of this. Lorelai says she's not blaming Rory. Rory says that Lorelai made up these stupid rules years ago about the way Gilmore women would run their lives, and she's sticking to these rules even though they aren't working. Lorelai says her stupid rules are the reason that the two of them are so happy and successful. Rory says that maybe it's time for the rules to change. Lorelai says that's for her to figure out, not Rory. Rory asks Lorelai to figure out the rules before French class, so that Lorelai doesn't start making out with Mrs.Collins. Lorelai says she can't make that promise until she sees what Mrs. Collins looks like.
Dear Herbal Essences: We are very much done with your "Urge to Herbal" campaign. Please stop before we all rip our eyes out of their sockets. Thanks. Love, everyone that has ever breathed.
Smells like Friday night. Outside the Gilmore mansion, Lorelai asks that they not fight in front of Emily. Rory says that's fine. Lorelai rings the doorbell, but Emily has the door swung open before the chimes are even done. She is not happy. Lorelai starts to make small talk, but Emily asks Rory to go upstairs. Rory tries to stall, but Emily sends her away immediately. Emily begins fixing herself a drink. She tells Lorelai that she tries to understand her, but sometimes her behavior baffles her. Emily asks Lorelai whether she has any shame at all. She explains Rory's reputation at Chilton. Lorelai makes a joke about getting more involved at the school. "Are you insane?" Emily shouts. Lorelai says she can't believe she's discussing this with Emily. I can. Lorelai should have to discuss this with lots of people. It's not even like she's really apologized for this yet. Emily says that the entire school is talking about this and she doesn't know what to say to defend it. Lorelai says that it was a mistake. Emily says that a mistake is when you accidentally throw out your credit card bill or forget to RSVP. "This, my girl, was not a mistake." There was some massive finger-pointing on that last sentence, there. Emily asks if Lorelai knows this man. Lorelai begins joking about how much fun it is to mack down with strangers. Emily says it's not the time. Lorelai says she's been dating him. Emily asks how Lorelai could date Rory's teacher. Lorelai says it's none of Emily's business. Emily says that things that affect Rory are her business. Lorelai says she doesn't want to talk about it. Emily says she just wants to understand how Lorelai justifies this to herself. "Max is a great guy," Lorelai smiles. "An amazing guy. He's smart. He's sweet." She starts to cry. "He cooks." Emily takes a sip of her drink and says, "So you decide to kiss him in your daughter's school." Lorelai says that she was trying to break up with him and the kissing just happened. Emily says that Lorelai always lets her emotions get in the way. "That's the problem with you, Lorelai. You don't think." Through her tears, Lorelai asks her to stop. "He's just a man, Lorelai." "No, he's not," Lorelai drones. Emily asks if Lorelai is saying that all of this was worth it because this is the man for her for the rest of her life. "I don't know," Lorelai says. She says he might be. She stands and excuses herself.
Chilton. Paris, Fraulein, and Louisa walk up behind Rory. Paris says she wishes her mother would sleep with a teacher. It would make her midterms easier. Rory stands and asks Fraulein and Louisa to excuse them for a moment. Paris lets them leave. "You're not going to kiss me, are you?" Paris smiles. By the way, stee pointed out to me something I completely missed: Paris is played by Liza Weil, who starred in Whatever, which is a great movie. I completely didn't recognize her, as it's been a long time since I saw that movie. If you haven't seen it, go rent it. It's good. She's also in Stir of Echoes. And I don't care what stee tells you on that one. Skip it. I did. Anyway, the recap. Back to it.
Rory asks what's wrong with Paris. Paris says she's fine. Rory says that she saw how much she hated the entire school talking about her and her family over the past few weeks and she can't believe that Paris would turn right around and do it back to Rory. She asks Paris if she has any idea how many people she's hurt. She says that Mr. Medina likes Paris and encourages her. She says she can't believe Paris would spread stories about him. Paris continues looking down and away until Rory says, "Whatever. Forget it. You have no idea what I'm talking about." Paris stops Rory to say, "I do like Mr. Medina." Rory squints and says, "Well, then I'd take some dance classes because the way you express yourself needs a little work." Yikes. That's a bad line, people. Paris says she probably shouldn't have said anything. She apologizes. Paris says that things haven't been good for her lately. Rory says she knows. Paris says she just didn't want them talking about her anymore. Rory starts with, "If you ever want to talk…" But Paris stops her to say that they are not friends. Rory says she knows that. Rory stammers that she's there if Paris ever does want to talk. "I will," Paris says, and walks away, "if I want to." "Okay," Rory says. Paris: "But I probably won't." Rory: "That's fine." Paris: "But if I do…" Rory: "I'm around." Paris starts to leave, turns back around and says she doubts she will. "I'm not holding my breath," Rory says. Please end this scene, guys. Paris gives a double-smirk and walks away.
Jackson brings Sookie the squash blossoms. Angrily. He rants around that he doesn't want to charge her for the squash blossoms, because he'd hate to make any money off of mediocrity. Sookie stops him and asks whether he'd like to go to dinner sometime. He says he would. He walks away slowly. Sookie smiles into her cooking.
At the coffee shop near Lorelai's business class, she runs into Max. They stammer a bit and she sits down. She says that Parents Day is fun. They laugh. She tells Max about Rory asking to bring him skating and how it freaked her out a bit having Rory refer to someone in her life by their first name. Before, it was always a nickname like the "Mustache Guy" or the "Earring Guy" or the "Peg Leg Guy." Max asks if Lorelai has a thing for pirates. Lorelai says that Rory must like him. She says that made her panic. She realizes that if they broke up Rory'd be crushed. She apologizes for freaking out. "I'm not very good at this," she says. "Ask Skippy." Lorelai apologizes again. Max says that he was called into the headmaster's office today. He was told that he was jeopardizing his career and his future at Chilton. He said at first he was outraged, and then it made sense. He says that what happened between them at Parents Day was completely unprofessional, and he'd never have considered doing something like that before. He says he should have been fired for it. Lorelai apologizes again. Max says he didn't think this was going to be so complicated. Lorelai says it's not his fault. Max says he doesn't know what to do anymore. He says he's never been in a relationship like this before and he's not thinking straight. They agree that it was a great kiss. Max says that they might need to take some time away from each other so they can figure out how to do this so it's not so hard. Lorelai says that he's right and that they should. "I really, really like you, Max Medina," she says. He says he really, really likes her too. They say goodbye, and Max leaves the coffee shop.
Rory walks into the house at night and calls for Lorelai. She can't find her. She walks up the stairs and into Lorelai's bedroom. She finds Lorelai on her bed, crying. Rory gets on the bed and pets her mom. She puts her arm around her and holds her as she cries. Fade to black.
week there's some double-dating going on. And three very special words: CuteDean! CuteDean! CuteDean!