“ The game ends when Lorelai spots puppies in the park. Puppies, people. Because this show just isn't cute enough on its own? We need puppies in here, too? ”
Lorelai and Rory walk through the town playing an alphabet game. With each letter the other has to come up with a disease that begins with that letter. It's how they decide who has to clean out the refrigerator. The game ends when Lorelai spots puppies in the park. Puppies, people. Because this show just isn't cute enough on its own? We need puppies in here, too? Lorelai giggles straight over to one and points her out to Rory. The puppy's name is "Buttercup." She's a stray that was found on a highway. Lorelai points out that Buttercup was abandoned on a very sad highway. Rory says that every highway is quite sad. The puppy gives a very sad face. Lorelai reads off Buttercup's "lineage," which basically solidifies her standing as a mutt. Rory continues reading: "Buttercup is a special dog. She tends to react badly towards blonde-haired females, brunet males, children of either sex, other animals, red clothing, cabbage, or anyone in a uniform." Lorelai spots Luke and says to him, "Hey! We just found the doggie version of you." Luke warns the animal shelter volunteer not to let either Lorelai or Rory go home with any of the dogs. "They can barely feed themselves," he mutters. Lorelai starts to fantasize about life with Buttercup until Rory reminds her of "Skippy." Luke asks for the Skippy story. Lorelai says that Luke wouldn't care what the Skippy story is, but Rory tells him anyway. Skippy was a hamster Lorelai used to own that would bite her whenever she got near him. Lorelai interjects here that Skippy would also laugh at her after he bit. Lorelai got angry with Skippy and refused to clean his cage, and instead would shove pieces of Kleenex into the cage each day until eventually Skippy's cage was a giant piece of tissue paper that moved. Lorelai then took the cage back to the pet store where she bought Skippy, waited until there was no one behind the counter, overturned the cage's contents onto the counter and ran away. Luke is appalled that Lorelai would abandon her hamster. Lorelai says that Skippy was an evil "Damien" hamster. She tries to come up with more demonic adjectives for Skippy, loses her steam, and says goodbye to both Buttercup and Luke. Rory puts her arm around Lorelai and says she did the right thing. "I want a pet!" Lorelai whines. Rory reminds her that she has her. Lorelai says that Rory never brings her her slippers in the morning. Rory says she would if Lorelai had some. Lorelai asks if she can put a collar on Rory. Rory scoffs. Lorelai adds that the collar would be pink. "You're sick," Rory says. "Hey. Watch how you talk to me. Remember what happened to Skippy." Rory and Lorelai walk away, leaving the townies to silently mull over the puppies until the opening credits kick in.
The Colgate 2-in-1 mouthwash / toothpaste might be the scariest thing I've ever seen. People, how lazy are we? will I have to buy steak with floss already wrapped inside?
Paris Is Burning
Lorelai is sitting on Mustang Max's kitchen counter. He's doing the dishes; she's eating from a giant pot. He's mocking her, as they just finished this candlelit dinner that he prepared during which she only took two bites of her food, but now that he's doing the dishes, she can't stop eating. She says that watching people work makes her hungry, and if she hadn't stopped watching This Old House, she'd be five hundred pounds by now. Max adds more food to Lorelai's pot. Lorelai asks where he learned to cook the Italian dish they just had. He stammers an obvious lie about an old Italian lady that lived upstairs from him until she stops him to comment that it was obviously an old girlfriend and he admits that it was. What's amazing is that what has taken me only seven sentences to describe has taken them over four minutes of rapid-fire "banter" that leaves me too exhausted to recap. I'm so over Mustang Max. Lorelai jumps off the counter, spins a bit right in front of Max's lips, and then walks off. They almost kiss, but not quite. As Max continues cleaning the kitchen, Lorelai snoops over to his desk. She asks if he finished reading Rory's paper yet. He says he hasn't. "It's really good," she says, finding it in the pile of school papers and putting it on the top. Lorelai tells him that there are very big words in Rory's paper, so he'll probably need a dictionary for it. He says he'll have one. Lorelai offers to help him save time by just putting an "A" on it herself. Max says it wouldn't be fair to the other students whose mothers aren't there tonight. Lorelai flirts and grins. She says that life isn't fair and, "the sooner those kids learn that, the better." Lorelai turns around and starts going through Max's books, complimenting him on his collection. She pulls out one book and says that she's never read Proust, even though she's always wanted to. She'd like to sound all learned and be able to quote him every once in a while. Max tells her to borrow the book. She says she will. She sits down and starts thumbing through the pages. "Not now," Max laughs. No, go ahead and read, Lorelai. Because then you two aren't talking at the speed of light, and I don't have to transcribe any more SmarmyMax. She keeps acting like she's going to read the book, so he starts kissing her. She shuts the book and stands up into his arms. He keeps kissing her, even though she stops kissing him to quip something about her grades suffering if she doesn't finish her required reading, but Max keeps kissing her into his bedroom.