Ben and Lab Guy peer at some mice and discuss how they will never have to write another grant proposal again. Ben struggles to open a bottle of champagne. Lab Guy says that what has happened to them doesn't seem real, that it should happen to someone like "Madame Curie." Ben still can't open the bottle of champagne. Max walks in and, like the viewers, wants to know what's going on. Ben hands Max a mouse, and tells him to feel it. Max says it feels like a mouse. Ben says that "four weeks ago, he felt like a bag of marbles." Lab Guy adds, "That's how riddled with tumors he was." They all stare at one another as Max takes in the importance of what they are saying. Ben says, essentially, that they've discovered a cure for cancer without using those words. Max hopes it means money, and Ben says that it means hope. What is this, a Bill Clinton biography movie?
An overweight, pasty-looking bald guy is in Ben's office, telling a story about how he went out for his birthday, and he wanted to look nice in the hopes of getting laid. He was going to wear a certain dress shirt, and after a certain amount of witty repartee, he reveals that he couldn't button the collar, even though he knew he had lost weight. Let's call this shirt the Blue Oxford of Plot Advancement, for reasons to be revealed later. Ben explains that his lymph nodes were swollen. Pasty says that he now has three months to live. Ben gives more back-story about a mole that was removed that caused the cancer. Pasty talks about how he is "fair-skinned," and how fair is "an amazing word to appear anywhere near what is happening to [him] right now." Ben asks what Pasty's doctor said, and Pasty says he's supposed to "enjoy the time [he has] left." Also, Pasty lives with his mother, who prays for him.
Pasty is getting an MRI; meanwhile, Sid and Boies discuss how Sid's parents keep trying to set him up with an Indian girl with the right degree. Boies says that his mother could never be satisfied with any woman he dated. They debate the merits of prearranged marriages. Sid think that "love is a slaughterhouse. That feeling that you're one with the universe? It's a rush of endorphins as your throat is cut." Well. That's a cheery thought. Neither of them is paying a bit of attention to Pasty, who slides into the MRI machine.
Sid is talking to a youngish woman, who is sitting with a very pale, scruffy, older, possibly French man. Frenchie is tired all the time, and has been diagnosed with lymphoma. He's so tired, he can't even hold his head up -- it's resting on his wife's shoulder. Mrs. Frenchie says that he finished up his chemo four months ago, and Sid says that it should have been resolved by now. Frenchie says that life is "bittersweet" and starts crying. The wife blames it on his being tired. Frenchie says his wife is a great woman for helping him so much. As they walk out, the wife makes eyes at Sid. Uh oh.
Boies is telling Ben about all the problems that Pasty has: enlarged spleen, enlarged liver, various tumors. Ben asks why he made them do an MRI when all of those problems were evident upon physical examination. Boies says they need to know if the cancer had spread to Pasty's brain. Ben asks why they need to know that, but Boies deflects the question by saying that, regardless, Pasty doesn't have much time. Ben starts talking about how he has had to give the "you're going to die" speech many times. Boies figures out that Ben wants to enroll Pasty in the clinical trial, but "cancer in the brain would disqualify him." Ben nods, and they look at the MRI results. Pasty's brain is clear. Ben says he's going to cure Pasty. And they wonder why doctors get God complexes. Can you (if you're not a doctor) imagine the power of being able to cure a formerly terminal disease? Man. Boies offers to do the paperwork, but Ben wants to do it himself.
Cut to Ben's office. Ben is explaining that the clinical trials are to assess the toxicity of the drug, and only a few people are allowed in. Pasty (who is looking even worse today) says he has nothing to lose. Ben explains that they are now at the third stage of the testing, where the drug is considered both safe and effective. Pasty wonders what "effective" means. Ben says that it would cure his cancer. Pasty can't quite believe it, and after a few moments of consideration, he says that he doesn't want to get his mother's hopes up. Ben says that he's never seen a drug like this in all his years of research. Pasty does that "eye wiggle so I don't cry" thing and then says he spent the last three weeks thinking he was going to die, not even wanting to close his eyes at night. Wow. Can you imagine if they really found a cure for cancer?
Ben tells Lab Guy he has a patient for the trial. Lab Guy doesn't think it will be a problem, but he can't make any promises. Oops, Ben just did make a promise. Ben thought their own patients got priority, and Lab Guy says that patients referred through the hospital are all considered their own patients, and if there's a problem, they'll do a lottery. Ben looks after him, probably thinking, "D'oh!"
Ben walks into the hospital holding a newspaper, sees Max, and lights into him for leaking the story about the new drug to the New York Times. Ben says that Max doesn't even know what the drug does. Max claims angrily that he's only saying what Ben told him, and he's promoting the hospital. Ben continues reading from the article in the newspaper. Max points out that the drug could "throw off fifteen million dollars a year in royalties." They get royalties on drugs? I guess that makes sense. I never really thought about it before. Ben says that a third of that goes to the hospital, and Max points out that another third goes to Ben's department budgets and another third goes to Ben's lab. Ben is afraid of looking like a fool, and starts to walk off. Max says that "it's a complicated world" and Ben doesn't want to deal with it, so Max does, and if Ben won't respect him, then he's on his own. Ooh, pissing match. I thought punches might be thrown.
Sid is explaining Frenchie's medical problem to Mrs. Frenchie. She doesn't understand. Sid takes her to the lab and shows her the slides, which mean that the lymphoma is not coming back. Frenchie is anemic. Sid promises Mrs. Frenchie that they will make her husband better. Mrs. Frenchie smiles and picks some lint off Sid's shoulder. What is she, a chimpanzee? Why is she grooming him? It's like it's part of some elaborate mating rit...oh, I get it.
Lab Guy tells Ben that the newspaper article has created a lot of interest in the trials. Ben wants Pasty in the trial. Lab Guy says they have twelve referrals from within the center, and there are only four slots. Ben wants his guy in. Lab Guy says they can't just let the guy in, because it would be setting a dangerous precedent. Also, four is the number they need based on their "complex algorithms," and they only have enough drugs for four. Plus, "the FDA watches [them] like a hawk." Ben says he promised Pasty. Lab Guy says Ben shouldn't have, and Pasty will have to take his chances. Ben says that Pasty's chances are zero, and starts making a case for how well-organized Pasty is, how he will make all of his appointments and record all the side effects. Lab Guy says that he hopes Pasty wins the lottery, and leaves. Ben is in big trouble.
Pasty is flirting with Ollie about some car while she takes some blood. I'm not interested in cars, and it really doesn't matter to the plot, so I won't bore you with the details. Ollie owns some sports car. Pasty asks her to marry him. Ollie says that with the car she owns, he should know she's not the marrying type. Ben comes in, looking like the Angel of Death. Ollie leaves. Ben tells Pasty about the lottery. Pasty asks if Ben can pull some strings. Ben says no, and offers up another drug that might be able to buy Pasty some time until it's time for Phase II of the trials. Pasty keeps telling Ben that he promised to cure him while Ben tries to deflect the blame. I really don't feel bad for Ben here. I feel really, really bad for Pasty, but not for Ben, because he shouldn't have promised. Pasty walks out.
Sid is having dinner with some Indian woman, and he makes a joke about how expensive the wine is. Sid's date starts talking about how she really wants to get married. Sid thinks there's something to be said for fate or kismet. Sid's date hits the table and says, "Bull! Focus! Strategize! Make it happen!" Sid looks shocked as his date announces that this isn't going to work, because she wants a man who has never cut his hair and respects tradition. Sid tells her to have a drink. Sid's date tells him he should have read her ad on the Internet, and that "ill-preparedness" is another bad quality. She gets up to leave and wonders where he would be while she was in childbirth, "fumbling for the ice chips while [she's] screaming for an epidural?" She starts to walk out and says that "he's short" and she's "not going to go through all this to wind up with a brood of dwarves." Sid stands up and delivers the following speech: "You want to know the truth? I don't want hair down to my ass, or a wife with an MBA and a pimiento on her forehead. I want a six-foot blonde with big, giant hogans, who loves me for who I am, and I am going to have it because this is the greatest country in the world." One of the restaurant patrons does that "start clapping really slowly and then speed it up as the others join in" thing that never happens in real life. But, Sid! Focus! Strategies! Make the hogans happen!
We see a nurse writing names on slips of paper and putting them in a bin of some sort. Fade to Ben and Pasty, waiting in Ben's office for the results of the lottery. Pasty tries to wax philosophical about the whole thing, saying that maybe everything in life is a lottery. When Pasty asks if he believes in God, Ben says yes. Pasty asks if Ben could believe in a God that leaves everything up to a lottery. Ben replies that the God he believes in doesn't leave it up to him. Pasty considers this. Awkward Pause. Awkward Pause. Finally, the phone rings. Ben answers it and doesn't smile or look happy, so I guess we know that Pasty didn't get in. Pasty looks like he's about to vomit. Ben tries to spin it, but Pasty can't believe that his life adds up to "a piece of paper some nurse left in a hat." Pasty starts to beg Ben to let him "come in after hours," asking, "Don't I count? Why don't I count for more than a piece of paper some nurse left in a hat?" Ben tries to calm him down, but Pasty starts yelling "No!" repeatedly and then sinks back into his chair. God, this episode is a downer. What's going to happen week, dead babies?
The patients in the trial are getting their drugs as Pasty scarily looks on from outside. Fade to Boies examining Pasty as they discuss the fact that Pasty has some side effects from his drugs. Pasty asks why they call Boies "the Chief," and Boies says that he's Chief Resident. Pasty reveals that he was in the Marines, and when Boies says he doesn't look like the Marines type, Pasty launches into a long story about his high-school girlfriend who wouldn't put out. On his birthday, she took him into the basement and kissed him and then left. High School Pasty thought he would rub one out so that he could last longer during the sex that was about to happen. Suddenly, the lights come on and his friends and family were all there for his surprise birthday party, so he enlisted the morning. Hey, that was even funnier the first time I read it on the Internet. Such an urban legend. Pasty starts to ruminate on how great his friends and family are, and how good they have been to him. He finally intones, "I have had a good life. I wouldn't do one thing different." How does that fit in with the story he just told?
Sid and Ollie are in a drugstore. Sid is whining about his bad date. Ollie compares dating to "a la carte" and marriage to "prix fixe." With dating, you can have one guy to talk to, one guy to take you to nice restaurants, one guy who's intellectually challenging, one guy who's a shoulder to cry on, and one guy for sex. Or you could find those things in yourself and your friends (well, except the sex part). But why can't Ollie take herself out to a nice restaurant, or find ways to intellectually challenge herself? I'm just saying. Something about the characterization of Ollie thus far is rubbing me the wrong way. Sid wants to know which guy he is. Ollie says that he's a great guy, as Sid spots his date down the aisle. Ollie drops her shopping basket, pushes Sid down, hops on top, and starts kissing him. The Date walks by and says, "Sid?" Sid looks at her while Ollie kisses his neck. After she passes, Ollie sits up and says the Date will be "up all night wondering what she missed" and she can "go suck an egg." Suck an egg? Sid looks dazed as Ollie picks up her basket and walks off.
Pasty's mom comes to visit Ben. She wants to learn how to do the injections Pasty needs for his treatment. Ben rolls up his sleeve and shows her how to do it. She practices on Ben's arm, and does a great job even though she looks terrified. Ben goes to get her some supplies. Pasty's Mom says that this has been a real test of faith for her, "to understand that it's God's plan." Ben says he's doing everything he can. Pasty's Mom says losing the lottery was hard. Ben wants to try to keep Pasty alive until the drug is more widely available. Pasty's Mom says that it can't be a lottery that is taking away her son, "it must be God's finger that pushed away the piece of paper with [Pasty's] name on it. Somehow, it was God's plan." Ben looks at her like he doesn't know quite how to respond. Can you blame him?
The four patients from the clinical trial are sitting in a waiting room. Lab Guy calls one of them in, and she has an MRI.
Sid is talking to Mrs. Frenchie, telling her that Frenchie is anemic. Sid can't figure out what is causing the anemia, and wants to set aside some time to "go over his history." So that's what the kids are calling it these days. Mrs. Frenchie follows Sid into some sort of supply closet. Mrs. Frenchie is at the end of her rope, and doesn't know where to turn. Sid puts a comforting hand on her shoulder, but Mrs. Frenchie seems to take that as something more. Mrs. Frenchie tells Sid he's "the most important person in [her] life" and she can't stop thinking about it. Sid struggles to remain professional. Mrs. Frenchie grabs Sid and starts kissing him.
Cut to Sid and Mrs. Frenchie sitting in the cafeteria. Mrs. Frenchie calls herself a "dirty slut." Sid tries to tell her she was just blowing off stress, but she doesn't think her husband would see it that way. Sid doesn't think she has anything to be ashamed of, but he does. Mrs. Frenchie says that she "has physical needs" that her husband "has not satisfied...in a good long time." Sid asks if this was going on before the lymphoma, and Mrs. Frenchie says he had zero interest in her that way. Sid starts thinking.
Ben and Lab Guy look at the MRI results on the patients in their clinical trial. Apparently, all of the readings show that the tumors should be shrinking, but the tumors are not. Ben says that it's been three weeks. Lab Guy think they might "turn the corner" week. Ben says that they can't keep doing this for much longer, because the patients could be seeking other treatment. Lab Guy isn't ready to say it's not working yet. Maybe they should have Max start writing a press release that says, "Oops!"
Sid is telling Mr. and Mrs. Frenchie that "men need testosterone to produce normal amounts of blood." Frenchie has a low level of testosterone. Frenchie doesn't believe it, and wonders how Sid came up with this outrageous theory. Sid says that Mrs. Frenchie worries. Frenchie says that "she paces all night with worry." I don't think it's the worry that causing her restlessness there, Frenchie. Sid says that Frenchie can "wear a patch, just like [he's] quitting smoking." Mrs. Frenchie is all happy. Frenchie starts crying. Then he kisses Sid on both cheeks and says he loves him. See, because he doesn't have much testosterone, he's like a woman. Ha. Ha. Not.
Ben sees Max in the parking garage. Ben says he was meaning to talk to Max, and in response to Ben's query Max says that the study is going fine. Ben says it's "stupid" that they're not talking. Max reveals that the board is "breathing down [his] neck" because the technology is not bringing in patients. They have to fill the beds, and the board ate up the news of the clinical trial. Ben says he should've talked to Max instead of "flying off the handle." Max says that his contract is coming up. Ben didn't know Max was under this kind of pressure. Max is worried that he'll be fired, because he loves his job. Ben just stares and feels like an ass, which has been most of his role this week. Then, he tells Max that the drugs aren't working.
Classroom. Sunlight filters in. Ben gives his usual moralizing speech to the students about how hope sustained him while he spent so much time working on this drug. While Ben talks, we see the four clinical trial patients walking out of the hospital. Ben says that hope might not have helped these patients, but he can't live without hope. We see Pasty take the Blue Oxford of Plot Advancement out of the closet. He tries it on. It buttons just fine.
Pasty shows up for his appointment with Ben and apologizes for missing some appointments. Pasty says he is feeling better -- no more fever, sleeping through the night. Ben tells Pasty that the clinical trials have failed, so he won't be able to give him the drug. Ben struggles to tell Pasty how disappointed he is. Pasty takes the news rather well. Pasty takes off his jacket to reveal that he's wearing the Blue Oxford of Plot Advancement, and tells Ben that it's the shirt he couldn't button before. Ben starts a physical exam. There's so much sunlight coming in the window that I can barely see the room. Ben says that Pasty's neck, spleen, and liver feel normal. Ben says they have to get x-rays, but it appears that Pasty's cancer is gone. Ben and Pasty beam at one another. Pasty is not so Pasty anymore. Pasty thinks that God has a sense of humor. Ben says that if Pasty had won the lottery, he would have died by now, so Pasty was chosen to live. Wow, Pasty is looking about a hundred percent better in terms of skin color. Pasty wonders why he was chosen and not the others. Ben says, "This is bigger than me." Well, it's nice to know he can finally admit that he's not God. I will submit that Andre Braugher is an acting god, but Gideon is not God.