Somehow, my tape started after the opening credits. Sorry about that. My taping incompetence is revealed. Okay, I admit it. I was also taping Felicity and it ran long. Sue me. Is it my fault if Felicity is on opposite West Wing and I have to watch both? It won't happen again. Okay, fine. I was also taping that O.J. movie. I know I have a problem. If loving television is wrong, I don't want to be right. Isn't that this site's motto? It should be.
So, anyway, Boies is examining the breast of a middle-aged woman while her anxious husband asks questions. Anxious Husband should also be called Exposition Husband because through his questions, we find out that the woman has a lump in her breast, and they have to do a biopsy to find out if it's cancerous. Anxious Husband is excused from the room because needles make him faint. What a woman! This is ironic on so many levels, as you will find out later. Breast Lump Lady is all calm while Anxious Husband is all anxious. He leaves in an anxious manner.
Some lady doctor we've never seen before (and played by the lady who used to be the head of the nursing department on ER, who tried to get Carol off after she accidentally killed someone) is examining some guy's face. Ew! He's got a nasty big hole in his face. She spouts off some medical terminology while the guy's girlfriend and Cherry look on. Turns out the guy had his nose bitten off in a bar fight. No Nose Guy is all, "I had him good before he chomped," and his girlfriend (who is named Rachel) says he's always getting into fights. Cherry checks out the wound and notes human bite marks. Lady Doctor says that dogs bite cleaner, and she can work with this depending on the condition of the nose. No one has the nose. The "chomping" happened at 2 AM, and Cherry tells us that organs remain viable for twenty-four hours, so Cherry is sent "nose-hunting."
Cherry tells his fellow doctors that he's going nose-hunting. Sid doesn't feel sorry for him. A man comes in asking for Boies -- he's Richard Porter's brother-in-law, there to collect the personal effects. You know -- Richard Porter? The guy they accidentally killed last week? All of the other doctors stare as he goes through Porter's wallet and then leaves. Wow, he really knows how to bring down a room. Boies has a flashback (accompanied by some heavy piano) of the CPR given to the dying Porter.
Turns out Wyatt is having the same flashback. His teen bride comes into the bedroom where Wyatt is sleeping and wakes him up. She gives him a magazine with a headline "Boston's Hottest Doctors" on the front. Just as Wyatt is wondering "what morons" they got to pose, he comes upon his own picture. Teen Bride sent the picture in. Wyatt is not happy. Teen Bride was just trying to cheer him up. Wyatt says they're going to see it at the hospital and throws the magazine down. Well, someone has his cranky pants on today!
Boies asks Ollie to look at a slide in the microscope. He's all up in her personal space. She thinks it's cancer. Ollie doesn't get why he wanted a second opinion. Boies says it's one of Gideon's patients. Ollie compares Boies and Gideon to Chip and Dale. No, it doesn't make sense when she explains it either, but basically she's trying to say that they are really polite to each other when really they want to "beat each other's brains in." Ollie points out that Gideon blames Boies for Richard Porter's death, and Boies should tell Gideon the truth. Boies plays dumb. Ollie offers to listen if he ever wants to talk about it. Boies nods and thanks her for looking at the slide.
Cherry looks under a car for the nose, accompanied by Rachel. Cherry thinks "a dog or maybe a rat" carried it off. Rachel starts crying. Cherry says something self-deprecating, and Rachel tells him he's funny. Cherry says it's a defense mechanism, and Rachel says he looks like the type that could "glide." What does that even mean? Cherry is flattered by the gliding remark. Oh, the special election report breaks in. Time to fast forward. Okay, we're back. Cherry and Rachel ask a homeless guy if he's seen a nose. The guy says he hasn't, but he did see a hairless, pinkish rat, and some kids were playing with it.
Breast Lump Lady says she can't possibly have breast cancer. Anxious Husband is sure that they double-check these things. Gideon says they do and she does, and that they caught it early enough that she can have a lumpectomy instead of a mastectomy. They'll also have to do "adjuvant" therapy, including chemo. Ben goes on to explain that they will also prescribe "Tamoxifen." It seems that her tumor feeds on hormones, estrogen specifically, and this drug blocks the receptors so that the tumor will not grow. Anxious Husband says it sounds like a miracle drug. Ben says it's "a great utility player" and she has "an excellent chance at complete recovery." Anxious Husband and Breast Lump Lady argue over what "excellent" means, and Ben tells them that most of his patients with this type of cancer are still here ten years later. Anxious Husband becomes Relieved Husband, saying that he doesn't know what he'd do without his wife.
A little kid asks Cherry for two hundred fifty dollars for the nose. Rachel offers forty-seven dollars. Cherry says he'll add fifty, and if the kid accepts, he won't tell the cop down the street that the kid is "trafficking in illegally obtained human body parts." The kid pulls out a rag, unrolls it, and Cherry says, "Oh, Houston. The Eagle has landed." See, because he's quirky. That's why he talks like that, and gets to go hunting for noses.
Breast Lump Lady (whose name is Mrs. Thomlinson, but I'm sticking with BLL) is waiting to go into surgery. Boies comes in and tells her that they're ready for her. BLL makes a joke about getting bigger breasts. Boies needs to sign consent forms for "the surgery, the anesthesia, and the endometrial sample." BLL doesn't want to give the "endo whatever" because she just came in for the lumpectomy. Besides, she's infertile. Boies keeps arguing, since the Tamoxifen increases her chances of endometrial cancer, and they need a baseline. BLL is having none of it. She stomps off to see Ben.
BLL visits Ben in his office. BLL wants to know why they can't just cut out the tumor and let her go. Ben says they're not trying to pad her hospital bill. BLL says it's "not about money and it's not about pain." Ben doesn't get it. BLL says she doesn't have a uterus. Ben asks if she had a hysterectomy. BLL says she doesn't like doctors. Ben's still on the hysterectomy possibility. BLL doesn't have a uterus. Ben -- not getting it. BLL didn't have a hysterectomy. Ben -- not getting it. BLL never had a uterus. Ben -- not getting it. BLL never had any female reproductive organs. Ben -- not getting it. BLL finally spells it out -- she was born a man.
BLL is still in Ben's office, in her hospital gown. BLL says it's ironic that she got "a woman's disease." Ben wants to know how long she's been a woman, and BLL says twenty years. Ben wants to know if she had gender reassignment surgery and what hormones she's been taking. BLL says she did have the surgery, and that she's taken lots of hormones. Ben thinks the hormones caused the cancer. BLL figures that's the price she pays. Ben says she'll have to stop taking the hormones. BLL doesn't want to stop, and she'll have to "take [her] chances with the lumpectomy." Ben says she's young and she has a good chance of remission. BLL says she'll be "bald, boobless, and bearded." That's the title of my sixth album (tm Pamie). Ben says her other option is dying of cancer. BLL says she would rather die a young woman than an old man. Ben asks about her husband and kids. BLL says they don't know she was born male, "and [her husband's] not going to find out." Dude. DUUUDE!
Cherry brings the nose in to No Nose Guy. All is well until No Nose Guy says that it isn't his nose. He starts yelling at Rachel for getting the wrong nose. Well, who knew there would be two noses roaming the streets? I mean, I think I would go with the first one I found too! Cherry heads off to tell the surgical team that there's been a change in plans. Rachel smacks NNG on the arm. Good for her.
BLL apologizes to Boies for being "so abrupt the other day," and asks if Gideon filled him in on her situation. Boies says he knows. BLL asks if he "pulled the short straw to get freak duty," and assures him that she would feel the same way. Boies says he's seen a lot of freaks in that hospital, and encourages her to take the Tamoxifen. BLL spins a scenario of Boies having cancer and the only cure being "slapping on a pair of 36Ds and snipping off [his] penis." Boies sees her point, but he thinks he would "learn to walk in heels." BLL giggles and says she'd like to see that.
Cherry is in a restaurant with Rachel, explaining how they can build her boyfriend a new nose. She wants to know what it will look like when it's done. Cherry has a textbook on plastic surgery. Rachel looks disgusted. Cherry points out some better examples. Rachel says it's going to be hard. Cherry goes all self-deprecating again. Rachel says she knows he's trying to help, and she appreciates it, then asks to see the book again, so she can "get used to this."
Cherry is telling Sid about Rachel, and how she is tough. Cherry has a little crush on Rachel! Cherry doesn't know why she's with this boyfriend who is "an anal sphincter of galactic proportions." Sid observes that Cherry is in love, and Cherry says that he's "so screwed."
Anxious Husband comes in to see Ben, saying that his wife was pretty sick the other day. He noticed that she's not taking Tamoxifen, and that it wasn't prescribed. Ben asks if he talked to his wife. Anxious Husband says that she thinks Ben knows what he's doing, but in their meeting, Ben said it was "a wonder drug." Well, actually Anxious Husband made that characterization, but whatever. Ben agrees that the Tamoxifen would work well with her type of cancer, and that taking it would give her the best chance of getting better. Anxious Husband wants to know why she isn't taking it. This is the part where Ben tells him to go talk to his wife again, right? Ben says BLL decided not to take it. Anxious Husband wants to know why she's not following Ben's advice. Ben says he can't give out any more information.
BLL is playing Connect Four with her daughter in the kitchen when Anxious Husband arrives home, but he's not so much Anxious as Angry now. He tells the daughter to leave and sits at the table. He asks BLL what's going on. The gig, she is up.
Ben is letting his kids off in front of school. He sees BLL letting her kids off as well and calls to her. She doesn't want to talk to him. Ben wants to explain. BLL says that Ben's responsibility was to her, his patient. Ben was trying to help. BLL doesn't need his help, and if she wanted to tell her husband her secrets, she'd have done it a long time ago. She says that "if it didn't mean hanging [herself] out to dry even more, she'd bring [Ben] up on charges." As she gets in the car, BLL says, "First do no harm, my ass."
Wyatt (remember him?) walks into the locker room and hears his fellow doctors discussing his sexiness or lack thereof. Ollie doesn't think he's that sexy. Ooh, burn. She thought he was sexy enough when she was wanting to have dinner with him while his wife was out of town. Sid thinks he's sexy. Wyatt grabs the magazine out of Sid's hands. Boies tells him to play it cool, although "when the light's right, [Wyatt] is hunkalicious." Everyone hoots. Ollie runs after Wyatt and tells him to laugh about it. Wyatt stomps off.
No Nose Guy isn't happy with the surgery options offered to him. Lady Doctor offers some other options, like sewing his arm to his face. He decides to go with the first option after all.
Boies tells BLL that the lumpectomy appears to have been a success. BLL thinks that's good news. Boies asks if everything is okay with her. BLL starts crying and says her husband left her. The cancer made her tired, and she couldn't keep up the front any more, so she told him. Boies clarifies, "Everything?" BLL says that her husband is a simple guy, and Boies guesses that he couldn't handle it.
Cherry points out Rachel to Sid. Cherry compares his situation to Cyrano de Bergerac, and Sid says it's more like Pretty in Pink. Sid cracks me up. Ollie thinks Cherry should tell Rachel how he feels. Cherry doesn't think he can cross the no-nose-boyfriend line. Ollie says that "masculinity is wasted on men." See how that ties in with BLL's story?
Ben shows up at BLL's house with soup as a peace offering. BLL says the chemo makes her sick, so she's not hungry. Ben explains that it's specifically made to soothe her stomach. By his housekeeper. BLL lets him in.
Inside, Ben starts heating up the soup and apologizes for what happened with her husband, and suggests she focus on her health. He asks if she's talked with her daughters. BLL says that the time hasn't been right. Ben says that she'll always be their mother, and she has no choice. BLL says he's right. She seems to give in way too easily, and she's all smiles. This doesn't bode well, methinks.
BLL goes into her daughters' bedroom and looks at them. Someone get her some powder, stat! She has a lot of shine on her face. Now BLL is in bed, but she's not sleeping. She reaches over and grabs a bottle of pills, and then downs them. Um, is that the recommended dosage? "As many as you can chug"?
Ben walks into BLL's hospital room. Ben says he was trying to give her the "courage to live, not die." BLL says she couldn't do it anymore, and when she looked at her choices, it didn't look like she had any choice at all. Ben feels he should have recognized that. BLL knows Ben wants to save her life, but before she "changed," her life was hell. Ben says that her life is full now. BLL thinks that her life will be like it was before she "changed" again, and she doesn't know how to life like that. Ben says she's a strong person, but then he amends it to "strong woman."
Wyatt is yelling at his Teen Bride in the hallways at the hospital, because people are laughing at him while he tries to do his job due to the magazine article. Teen Bride says that he never talks to her about anything, and even when he's home (which isn't often), he's not there. Wyatt doesn't want to talk about it, and thinks they should just go see the movie as planned. Teen Bride wants to help him, but she can't if he won't talk to her. Wyatt gets all defensive, saying that every patient he sees, all he can think is, "Hope I don't screw this one up." He starts to explain about Porter, but then stops and says she wouldn't understand. Teen Bride is willing to try, but Wyatt is having none of it, and tells her to go see the movie herself. Can this marriage be saved?
Anxious Husband goes to see Ben in his office. AH has been at his fishing cabin to "clear [his] head." Ben wonders if he's been home. AH is all fidgety and doesn't know whether to call his wife "her" or "him." AH says they are separated, but she's dependent on his insurance policy. Ben says he doesn't deal with insurance, but he'll get him the number. AH is worried that the insurance company will cut off her coverage. Ben figures out that AH wants to know how she's doing. AH says it's none of his business anymore. He's really pushing the "I don't love her anymore" thing. Ben says she's having trouble giving up the hormones, because she thinks they make her who she is. AH disagrees. Ben suggests he tell her that. AH is "no fag." Ben says his wife isn't either, and tells AH that BLL took an overdose of sleeping pills. AH asks about the children, and Ben says they're with AH's mother and they don't know anything. It seems BLL called the paramedics herself, and the psych department thinks it was "a cry for help, not a serious attempt." AH wants to know what he should do. Ben can't tell him.
Cherry rings a doorbell at some apartment and then knocks. Rachel answers, and wants to know how he got the address. Cherry thinks she's making a mistake with her boyfriend, and needs someone who understands and appreciates her. Rachel isn't interested and tries to close the door on him. Cherry thinks she saw something in him, and if she goes away, it will too. Rachel says that anything she saw is there for anyone to see, and tells him to leave. Cherry starts to go, but Rachel says he's a nice guy, but he's got to relax. Cherry thinks they'll put that on his tombstone.
BLL is packing her things up. AH offers her a ride home. BLL doesn't want his pity, and can't live with his disgust. AH feels betrayed and hurt, and the time for lying is done between them. BLL can't go back to who she was before, and AH doesn't think she has to. AH says he'll try to be her husband again, but he can't guarantee anything, because he doesn't know if he's "man enough for someone who is man enough to be the woman they really are." BLL starts crying and says she's not going to be pretty. AH hugs her and says they should talk at home. He picks up her bag and they walk out arm in arm. BLL smiles at Boies in the hallway.
Cherry asks Wyatt (who is hanging out in the break room at the hospital) if he's on call. Wyatt just didn't want to go home. Cherry says his feet just brought him there. Cherry sits, and they decide to share their troubles. Aw, a friendship. Between the quirky one and the one who's mean to his Teen Bride.
week: Ben wants to get one of his patients into a clinical trial for a miracle drug.