Aw, yeah. It's the last episode of the season. Since they filmed two more, don't be surprised if there are some summer recaps that fall in during that "Summer of Love" crap. I'm just sayin'.
Previously on Get Real: Mitch has thrown the family into crisis with his Frisky Father Firehouse. Mary starts taking control. That's it. That's all they showed.
Our last episode begins with Kenny wiping the lens of a camcorder. We are in camcorder mode as Kenny begins filming. He focuses on a card that reads: "The Green Family: A Profile in Courage." He reads it out loud to us, in case we're still as stupid as they think we are. Kenny pulls the camera back and films Cam walking into the World's Largest Kitchen. He asks Cam for a story about the Green Family Courage. Cam holds his hand up to the camera and says it's way to early to be asking questions and filming. Kenny says it's for a social studies project. Social studies? They still teach social studies in high school? I haven't had a social studies class since the fifth grade. Man, the School Without Classes is way behind. Cam tells Kenny that he just needs food. Elizabeth hands him a plate. Kenny puts down the camera with an exhale and walks over to the counter. In an unnecessary shot, we are in camera mode focusing on a plate of Rice Krispie treats. There is an amazing amount of food on the counter for breakfast. Kenny asks Elizabeth to help him out for his assignment. She asks what it's for. He says that he's supposed to do a record their family's oral history and that, "History is comprised of courageous acts performed by ordinary people and we are nothing if not ordinary." If ordinary means self-centered, pretentious and boring, then yeah, Kenny's right on the mark. Elizabeth reminds Kenny that "Grampa Green" is coming and that he's "quite the talker." I'd like to tell Kenny that Mitch probably has a few theories on the family's "oral history," but no one is asking me.
Mitch is whining to Mary about his dad coming to visit. They both get ready for "work" in their enormous bathroom. Mitch says that his dad is always on his case (his words) and that if he finds out about the firehouse he's just going to want to get involved. Mary tells him that Grampa is only coming for a few days and that he should just stay calm. She tells Mitch that they should probably tell the kids "about the house." Mitch asks if they should do that "before or after [they] put up the 'For Sale' sign." She says they can't put it off forever. She whispers "forever" so we know her secret problem is just killing her. Mitch says that he's got a potential buyer coming in. "Cross your fingers," he says. "Cross my heart," she whispers, which really doesn't mean anything because A) Crossing your heart doesn't mean you'll have hope, and B) Mary's heart is cold and black and shriveled when she got pregnant with Meghan when she was seventeen. Mary tells Mitch that they are going to "get through this," and the camera spins around to Mitch in the mirror as he exhales so strongly the mirror fogs up into the image of Saint Clare with a gun.
Not-So-Secret-Lovers Spot. Clay is sad. We know this because he's without Meghan and he's got his head in one hand. He's reading a book as Meghan slowly approaches him. She walks up the stairs like the Crocodile Hunter spotting a cobra. She gives a Ferret-like "Hey!" and kisses him on the top of the head. She asks how he did on his calculus test. Clay holds up a piece of paper with the letter "F" circled. "Ouch," Meghan says, as she sits down and puts her arm around him. "Aren't you supposed to get points for spelling your name right?" Clay asks. She asks if he wants to come over tonight to "cram for American Lit." Suddenly they are swamped with schoolwork. Clay says he "sorta" has to be somewhere. Meghan's face clearly reads, "I don't think you heard me just tell you what you are going to do tonight. You 'sorta hafta' hang out with me." She starts to laugh and says, "Uh, you have to study. Can't you just cancel?" Clay says he has to take a break from all this "school stuff" and "decompress a little." He then exhales like James Gandolfini into his body mic and stands up. Meghan looks down with her eyes in complete shock. "Okay, I'm not gonna pry." Three...two...one. "Yes, I am. Where do you have to be?" Clay tries to be nonchalant about some birthday party with his old friends from his last high school. Meghan has him cornered and says, "'Kay, this is the part where you're supposed to ask me if I want to go. You know, maybe?" Clay says he didn't think she'd like it. "Why?" she interrupts. "Because, uh, I mean, well, I haven't seen the guys in like over a year. Probably be completely lame." He says he's just going to make an appearance and then leave. Meghan begins to turn on her "charm" by reaching over and buckling up Clay's seat belt for the guilt trip. "Clay, if you don't want me to go, you can just tell me, okay?" She then laughs right in his face. "What? I didn't say that." "Well, then, what's the problem?" she interrupts. Clay is completely beaten. "You know, you can be very persuasive," he says, but he means "bitchy." "Mmm, it's a gift," she purrs as she leans in to kiss him, since she got her way AGAIN. I hate Meghan. "Yo, Loverboy! I need to talk to you!" It's some "Coach" and we know this from the neck stopwatch, gray t-shirt and clipboard taken from the "Coach Box" in the FOX costume shop. Just in case we're dumb, though, Clay says, "Yeah, sure, Coach." Meghan tells Clay goodbye, and he's all, "See ya," with a head nod. We watch Meghan think for a few seconds, "Man, I should have asked him to give me money while I was on a roll. I wonder if he'll let me have a few boyfriends now. My brother is pretty cute. Am I cute? I sure am. And I'm smart. I rule. Everybody wants to be me. I can't believe no one has asked me to be a Big Sister yet. I'm the most popular girl in school and I don't even have to have one friend to prove it. And this whole valedictorian thing? How cool is that? I'm so gonna get scholarships for schools I don't even want to go to while silly Tammy Reymaker has been busting her ass for four years to get into Harvard and will only be Salutatorian. Tra-la-la."
Coach has his hand out like a preacher as he announces that Clay's grades are in "a steady decline this semester." Well, since we only see Clay in the halls, on the track or in Meghan's bed, it's hard to say we didn't see this coming. "I know," Clay says while slapping his knee and leaning back in his chair. He doesn't even believe what he's saying anymore. Coach says that he convinced his calculus teacher to give him a makeup test. Clay thanks him. Coach says if Clay fails calculus he can't run him in the meet. Clay stands up all indignant and whines, "I'll lose my track scholarship!" It's really not convincing at all. "You got one week to get your act together, Forman. There'll be no more second chances." And with that dramatic moment they go straight into the opening title sequence. Huh? What second chances? Since when is Clay a bad student? What's going on?
Grampa Green is telling war stories into Kenny's camera. It's annoying. There is a new director for this episode named Oz Scott (the "Scotts" rule this show). Oz doesn't use nearly as much background music, and it's throwing me off how quiet everything is. Everyone is walking around the World's Largest Kitchen listening to Grampa tell his story. Kenny loved the story. Everyone else says they've heard it a million times. Grampa and Elizabeth flirt. Mitch tells Kenny to take Grampa's stories "with a grain of salt." Grampa says that once he caught a burglar in the house. He asks Mitch to confirm. "That was after the divorce, Dad," he says. "No, it couldn't have been," Grampa goes to argue, and this kicks off the Sensitive Subject background music. Kenny says he wants to interview Mitch, and he tells him he'll do it later. Kenny goes back to interviewing Grampa.
"Cool" Music. Clay and Meghan pull up to some sort of wharf/alley street thing with lots of cars and discarded material. Clay tells Meghan she doesn't have to do this if she doesn't want to. She's clearly offended at the party's location but says, "No, no, it's fine." It's so not fine. "Hey! Barman!" some guy says to Clay. Someone forgot to tell him that his last name is "Foreman" and not "Barman." Lots of high-fives that turn into hugs. Meghan is introducing herself, since Clay is already zooming in on Nina, the birthday girl. We know she's a flooze because she's wearing Debra Winger's hat from Urban Cowboy. Meghan gives Nina the once-over with that frozen smile she uses to express disgust. Meghan tries to look like she doesn't hate Nina as she wishes her a happy birthday. One of Clay's friends tells him to make sure he brought his wallet. "Aw, yeah, you know what we're doing," he says to Clay, and pulls him away from Meghan. Clay grabs a hockey stick from the ground. Some other guy takes a pane of glass and leans it against some other metal fixture. Meghan looks around and is very uncomfortable about not being the center of this universe. Ooh, the other kids are drinking beer. They are such bad influences. Clay takes the hockey puck and hits it into the pane of glass, shattering a corner. Everyone cheers. Meghan looks around and sneers and thinks, "I didn't tell him he could play hockey."