Episode Report Card Montykins: B+ | 1 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT Step One: Cut a Hole in a Box
By Montykins | Season 3 | Episode 10 | Aired on 06.09.2013
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.So Robb's definitely dead. Arya sees his decapitated body being carried through the burning Stark encampment, except that his wolf's head has been attached onto his neck. Later on, she and Sandor pass a campfire where a Frey soldier is boasting about having done the needlework, so she hops off the horse and stabs him to death. Sandor kills the other men at the fire, and I can only assume this is the beginning of a three-kingdom killing spree where Sandor and Arya have wacky misadventures.
Tyrion and Sansa are getting along a little better, but that only lasts until everyone at King's Landing learns that Robb and Catelyn are dead. Joffrey announces to the Small Council that at his wedding, he's planning on serving Sansa Robb's head. Tyrion says some things, then Joffrey says some things, and the result is that Tywin tells King Joffrey to shut up and go to bed. Then he tells Tyrion to hurry up and generate a Lannister boy to run the North.
Until that day comes, the North is under the control of Roose Bolton, who's currently barely tolerating Walder Frey's gloating. He provides a valuable service, though, by revealing that the guy who's been torturing Theon is his bastard Ramsay Snow. Ramsay also gets some screentime, in which he eats a pork sausage and renames Theon "Reek." And he mails Theon's severed penis to Balon Greyjoy, who kind of doesn't care what happens to Theon. But Theon's sister Yara vows to save him, so that's something.
Bran's crew reaches the Nightfort and shares some ghost stories. But the weird noises aren't ghosts; they're Sam and Gilly! We have a storyline crossover! Sam shows them how to get through the Wall and also hands over some of the dragonglass weapons he's been carrying. Then Sam runs down to Castle Black, where he warns Maester Aemon about all the White Walkers and Walking Dead and whatnot that are on their way.
Davos is not happy about Melisandre's plan to sacrifice Gendry. And you can imagine how Gendry feels about it. So Davos gives Gendry a rowboat, which is sort of an escape plan. Stannis is all set to execute him, but Davos tells him about the White Walkers and so on. And even Melisandre agrees that this seems important, so Davos gets to stick around as Stannis's Hand.
Jon Snow is ambushed while washing his wounds. But it's only Ygritte, and he knows she won't hurt him. So she only shoots him with three arrows as he rides away, which means he's still alive when he reaches Castle Black.
Cersei seems unhappy about the way Joffrey is turning out, and she takes her unhappiness out on Tyrion, who's also moping. But then Jaime comes home, and Cersei's happy again! Well, really she just stares at him and his missing hand for a while, but I have confidence she'll smile eventually. But even more unhappy than Tyrion and Cersei put together is Shae, although she declines Varys's offer of a bag of diamonds to get out of town.
And finally, Daenerys meets the inhabitants of Yunkai. They're a bunch of newly freed slaves who are all calling her mother. They pick her up and she crowd-surfs into her new city. There are worse ways to travel.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Last episode of the season. Opening credits. Let’s go! The credits contain the same places as last week: King’s Landing, Dragonstone, the Twins, Winterfell, the Wall, and Yunkai. I’m kind of surprised we’re staying at the Twins for another week, since it’s not like Robb and Catelyn are going to be contributing much action.
But in fact, we start at the Twins, so what do I know? Roose Bolton climbs some steps and looks over the parapets at the Stark troops outside his castle. All the tents are on fire and the troops are generally being slaughtered. One guy is missing his legs, and I assume he answered that casting call for amputees that went up after the last season ended. Oh, and somebody’s being strung up to a tree. It’s a real mess. Sandor Clegane has a horse, so he grabs a Frey banner for cover and starts to ride away through the mayhem. He’s carrying Arya, who’s conveniently unconscious. But she regains consciousness just in time to hear the Freys chanting “The king in the north!” And they’re carrying Robb’s decapitated body with an animal head mounted on it. Another angle reveals that the head is from his wolf. Arya seems unhappy about all this, but she doesn’t struggle as Sandor carries her away. As they leave the camp, a Stark banner catches fire. That’s not exactly foreshadowing, since it happened after Robb died. It’s just redundant.
In King’s Landing, Tyrion walks Sansa through a garden. It’s all very picturesque, except that people are laughing at them behind their backs. And they’re doing it loudly enough to be heard, which is terrible manners. Tyrion starts muttering a list of names, which he says is the list of people who he’s going to get back at. Tyrion and Arya would probably get along pretty well! He clarifies to Sansa that he’s not going to necessarily kill all these people. She thinks he should just get used to being laughed at, but it’s been happening all his life. Sansa points out that she’s the disgraced daughter of a traitorous usurper, so she’s probably having to absorb a lot of public disdain as well. He makes her laugh and Shae glowers at him from behind. Shae is not onboard with this marriage. Tyrion says that instead of killing someone, he could learn his perversions from Varys. Sansa suggests burying sheep dung in his bed, because Arya used to do that to her. Arya’s well past the poop-hiding stage of revenge. She’s a lot more mature than her sister in that respect, and now I keep thinking of Arya and Sansa as Louise and Tina from Bob’s Burgers. Arya and Louise share a certain malevolence, you know? Anyway, that’s enough for this scene, because Pod runs up to call Tyrion to a surprise meeting of the Small Council.
Joffrey is at the Small Council meeting, for a change. He’s standing up, because they still have that chair situation going on. And because he’s positively giddy, so he can’t sit still. Pycelle starts to give a note to Tyrion, but he drops it so Tyrion has to reach for it. It’s a pretty feeble move by Pycelle, but I guess you use the tools available to you. The message reads, “Roslin caught a fine fat trout. Her brothers gave her a pair of wolf pelts for her wedding. Signed, Walder Frey.” This is too heavy on the animal metaphors for Tyrion, so Joffrey explicates: “Robb Stark is dead. And his bitch mother!” And he’s going to serve Robb’s head to Sansa at his wedding. Tyrion bristles at this, as you might imagine. Cersei says it’s a joke, but Joffrey says it isn’t. Tyrion is of the belief that since Sansa is no longer Joffrey’s fiancée, she’s no longer an option for him to torment. Joffrey says, “Everyone is mine to torment.” This is his idea of the droit du seigneur, I guess. He also drops a line about Tyrion being a monster, which is just a setup for Tyrion to say, “Monsters are dangerous. And just now, kings are dying like flies.” Joffrey stares at him, shocked. As though it’s the first time Tyrion threatened to kill him. Then he looks to Tywin, who’s just watching the whole nonsense. Finally, Joffrey sputters, “I could have your tongue out for saying that.” Cersei tries to jolly Joffrey along, saying that Tyrion’s a bitter little man who should just be ignored. It looks like he’s going to be momentarily mollified, but then Pycelle takes Joffrey’s side, saying Tyrion should apologize. Joffrey pulls his hand away from Cersei and insists, “I am the king!”
At this, Tywin finally interjects, “Any man who has to say ‘I am the king,” is no true king. I’ll make sure you understand that when I’ve won your war for you.” Tywin has no interest in coddling Joffrey anymore. And as a result, Joffrey insists that his daddy (Robert Baratheon, not Jaime) won the war against the Mad King while Tywin hid at Casterly Rock. There’s quite a pause. Tywin says, flatly, “The king is tired. See him to his chambers.” Joffrey quietly protests, but he lets Cersei lead him away. Tywin suggests some essence of nightshade to help the king sleep. Joffrey shouts, “I’m not! Tired!” But off he goes. And so does Pycelle, who takes along the note from Walder Frey. That’s good thinking; you don’t want that sort of thing lying around. Save it until you need to blackmail someone with proof they were in on the scheme.