In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Remember that smoke baby that Melisandre had? Well, it grew up into a Smoke Stannis that snuck into Renly's tent and killed him dead, right when he was cutting a deal with Catelyn Stark. So Renly's out of the picture, which transfers most of his army over to Stannis. The only parts that didn't defect immediately are those controlled by House Tyrell, specifically Loras and Margaery, both of whom get out of town immediately. As do Catelyn and Brienne, who were the only ones to see the assassination. Brienne is desperate for vengeance against Stannis, but she takes a moment to swear loyalty to Catelyn.
Daenerys gets into Qarth, where she's swept into a world of delightful garden parties. She does have to take some time convincing the remnants of her Dothraki horde not to steal golden peacocks, but mostly she gets to watch terrible magic tricks and receive marriage proposals from rich merchants. She also discovers that Jorah Mormont is in love with her, because up until now, I guess she assumed he was following her into certain death just for the fun of it. Jorah convinces her not to get married in exchange for a giant pile of money, because he thinks she can conquer Westeros with just one ship.
Now, some quick hits: Bran is still having weird dreams in Winterfell, and he has to send troops to defend against the Mountain and his raids. Theon discovers that the crew of the Sea Bitch doesn't respect him, and he realizes he should disobery his father's orders.
The real fun, though, is Arya Stark's new life as Tywin Lannister's cupbearer. After narrowly escaping with a lie about where she's from (although it didn't look to me like Tywin believed her), she runs into Jaqen H'ghar, the guy from the cage who talked in the third person. He's in the Lannister army now, somehow. In his circuitous way, Jaqen explains to Arya that she saved three lives by letting them out of that cage, so now he's going to kill three people for her. She kind of wastes the first one on the guy who was doing the interrogating in the last episode, but at least we learn that he was called "The Tickler." That's kind of fun. And now Arya has two wishes left, which should be fun.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!If you're curious, this episode contains adult content, adult language, and violence. So if anyone makes fun of you for watching a fantasy-themed show, just remind them that two of the key elements contain the word "adult." Then snap your fingers in their face and stride off, ideally with a jaunty bounce in your walk. Maybe whistle the theme song, if you can remember how it goes.
Speaking of the theme song, it plays during the opening credits, which include King's Landing, Harrenhal, Pyke, Winterfell, the Wall, and Qarth. I have two quick observations about that. First, Winterfell and the Wall were in the credits last episode, but there weren't any scenes at either place. So they might be permanent fixtures in the credits. Or maybe they're just going to start throwing in random places, which I strongly endorse. Why not have Milwaukee in there once? And second, when the camera goes from the Wall to Qarth, it passes very close to a giant glowing thing in the sky. I assume that's supposed to be the meteor that everyone was talking about a couple episodes ago, but there's a chance it's just the sun. Unlike the cities, it's not labelled.
We start with a busy camp. There are people running around with torches. Ah, it's Renly's camp. I know that because Catelyn is promising Renly that Robb has no interest in the Iron Throne. Renly thinks this over and declares that he sees no reason for hostility between them. As far as he's concerned, Robb can call himelf "The King in the North" until he's blue in the face as long as he swears the same oath of fealty to Renly that Ned swore to Robert. And in return, Renly will destroy Stannis's army and then Baratheon and Stark will work together. That sounds like most of what Robb wanted, right? Renly seems to consider the negotiations basically over, so Brienne removes his cloak and armor. Catelyn begs him to negotiate a peace with Stannis. Nope! Renly considers Stannis unlikely to negotiate at this point. Besides, he's pretty confident in his giant army. He tells Catelyn, "Please bring my terms to your son. I believe we are natural allies. I hope he feels the same." He thinks that would let them end the war in a fortnight or so.
But just then! A shadow slithers into the room and stabs Renly in the back! Whoops! Brienne shrieks, "No!" Renly falls and the shadow dissipates. I guess it was one of those one-king shadows. Soldiers run in and attack Brienne, thinking she did it. Catelyn tries to tell them it wasn't her, but it's academic, because Brienne is awesome and kills them immediately. It's a good thing this is a big tent, because Brienne is a giant and she's swinging around a two-handed sword.
Anyway, Renly's dead. So I guess it no longer matters that he had one of the flimsiest cases for being king. Joffrey can point to his being (supposedly) Robert's son. Stannis can say Joffrey's illegitimate, so he would be Robert's heir. Daenerys is the only heir of the king before Robert. All Renly had was that he was second in line after Stannis. And the biggest army, although I guess that didn't help either. Anyway, I don't count Robb or Mance Rayder in this list, because neither of them are really claiming that they have some sort of divine right to be king. I guess I don't even know if Rayder wants to be king in the first place, but he's probably planning on doing something with his army, right?
Brienne drops to her knees and sobs over Renly's body. It's a bit late for that sort of thing. Where was all this emotion when a shadow assassin was stabbing Renly in the back? Catelyn tells her it's time to go, punching up her point with, "They'll hang you for this." I guess they might. Do they have time to prosecute Brienne on a misplaced charge of treason when there's an army on the way? Brienne doesn't want to leave Renly, but Catelyn accurately points out that she won't be able to avenge him if she's dead. And vengeance is lots of fun. They go out the back door of the tent. His tent has a back door? Kings have fancy tents! I guess nobody heard Brienne killing those guys, because they get out before anyone notices.
Littlefinger stands on a cliff and looks at some ships at sea. Since was last seen at Renly's camp, it's safe to assume that's Stannis's army on the way to mop things up. Loras is in one of the tents, and he's spending this sensitive time looking at Dead Renly. Margaery is there too, wringing her fingers and saying it's time to leave. She's probably right. I find I usually agree with people on this show when they decide that things have gone pear-shaped and it's time to get the hell out of there. Fleeing is usually the right answer. Before Margaery can get Loras to get up, Littlefinger enters and tells them Stannis is on his way. And in his opinion, all of Renly's bannermen are going to switch sides right away, leaving Margaery and Loras all alone. And it's not like anyone's going to believe them if they claim they're switching to Stannis's side. They don't trust Littlefinger (because unlike Ned Stark, they're not crazy), but he makes a good point that he's in there talking to them instead of being out on the cliff welcoming Stannis. Margaery runs her fingers through Loras's hair ans asks him to bring the horses, please. Seriously, it's time to go. Exit Loras. Margaery muses that Renly was very handsome. Littlefinger agrees: "He was, Your Grace." She says she wasn't a queen, really, so "Your Grace" isn't accurate. Littlefinger asks, "Do you want to be a queen?" "No. I want to be the queen." Nice.
Word travels fast! Cut to King's Landing, where Cersei is asking Tyrion who killed Renly. Tyrion says that accounts differ, but that most people blame Catelyn Stark somehow. Which makes sense, because only Renly, Catelyn, and Brienne saw it happen. The person into that tent is just going to see Renly and three guards dead, with Catelyn and Brienne gone. There are other silly theories that Tyrion has heard. Cersei is delighted by this turn of events, because it's always good news when the leader of an enemy army suddenly drops dead. Tyrion says that according to Varys, Renly's men are flocking to Stannis, with the result that Stannis now has a giant army. Cersei says that Littlefinger says they can outspend Stannis three to one. Well, that's great. When that giant army knocks on the front door of King's Landing, I guess you can just flash your bankroll at them. Maybe get a gold-plated welcome mat. For the record, Tyrion agrees with me that their primary concern is the giant army.
Cersei changes the subject to Myrcella being packed off to Dorne, which Tyrion claims will be safer for her. Cersei doesn't think Tyrion's primary concern is Myrcella's safety. She appears to just be assuming that Tyrion is getting rid of Myrcella just to be a jerk. The truth is that he wanted to find out who was loyal to Cersei, and he was willing to sell Myrcella out to do it. Remember that one of the options was to marry her off to creepy Robin Arryn. Tyrion blandly says that Myrcella is a "Sweet, innocent girl". Cersei is mad at Tyrion for being clever with his schemes and plots. Tyrion corrects her: "Schemes and plots are the same thing."
It's time for another subject change, back to the topic of that giant army that's coming for them. Cersei says the King is taking personal charge of the defenses of King's Landing. Oh good! I'm sure a sadistic sociopath in his mid-teens will be perfect for planning the defense of a city. Tyrion would like some details, but no dice: "It's the king's royal prerogative to withhold sensitive information from his counselors." Cersei is smug. Tyrion leaves.
Bronn keeps guard while Tyrion and Lancel Lannister are in a secret crate. Well, really it's a palanquin or sedan chair. That's one of those enclosed chairs you ride around in while your muscular servants carry you. It's just sitting on the ground on a King's Landing street, so it's essentially a crate right now. Okay? Lancel tells Tyrion that Cersei's secret weapon is something called "wildfire." And Lancel promises that of course he'd never lie to Tyrion. Tyrion asks Lancel to speculate on the vile allegations about Jaime and Cersei, and whether he thinks they'd make Jaime more or less likely to kill him. "When I tell him you're fucking her, I mean." Lancel correctly interprets this as an accusation of falsehood and insists that the alchemist's guild has thousands of pots of wildfire that they're preparing to launch at Stannis's ships. He heard Cersei talking. He offers to swear on his life, but Tyrion doesn't care about Lancel's life. Lancel launches into a more complicated oath, which Tyrion finds either convincing or too boring to listen to. Lancel exits the palanquin. Tyrion asks Lancel to tell Bronn to kill him if anything should happen to him. He does: "Please kill me if anything should happen to Lord Tyrion." Obedient, isn't he? I can see why Cersei likes having him around. Sometimes you're in the mood for someone who's easy to boss around. Anyway, Bronn cheerfully agrees as Lancel scurries off.
Enough of them! Off to Stannis Baratheon himself. Davos tells him that people grieve for his brother. Stannis claims that he does, too. Does he? It's kind of hard to tell with him. Davos would like to talk about the creepy stuff that happened in the cave with Melisandre's shadow baby and all that. Stannis orders him not to discuss it. Religion's always a touchy topic, isn't it? One minute you're just trying to talk about god and the minute people are asking inconvenient questions about the smoke-baby-assassin your creepy priestess gave birth to. Stannis is more interested in the tactical situation, which is that all of Renly's bannermen have defected to him. Well, we were told like three times that that was going to happen, so this is the opposite of a surprise. The only ones that aren't on Stannis's side now are the Tyrells, which basically means Loras and Margaery. Stannis plans to spend a little time consolidating the armies, then sail for King's Landing and wipe out the Lannisters. Davos asks if he'll bring Melisandre, which I think is the first time her name has actually been used on the show. Stannis does plan on bringing along his spiritual advisor, but Davos recommends against it. Stannis wants Davos to shut it, but Davos successfully claims that he's valuable as someone who gives it to Stannis straight. And what he gives Stannis straight is his opinion that if he brings Melisandre, everyone will give her the credit for the victory. She's a foreigner, you know. Davos's final argument is, "You won those bannermen from Renly. Don't lose them to her." Stannis thinks about it for a surprisingly brief time and declares, "We'll set out for Kings Landing without Melisandre. And you lead the fleet into Blackwater Bay." Davos thinks that's a crazy task for him, since his sailing experience was as a smuggler, which mostly involves avoiding people instead of attacking them. But Stannis won't bend.
Tyrion and Bronn stroll through King's Landing. Which is weird, because it implies that they just left the palanquin on the ground after their last scene. It's possible that it really was just a crate with sticks attached to it. At any rate, they're in the part of King's Landing that's a busy marketplace. You know, with lots of stalls. It's kind of like the beginning of Aladdin. They're chatting about the defense of King's Landing and how Tyrion doesn't think Joffrey's plan will succeed in holding off Stannis. He's partly skeptical of wildfire and partly skeptical of Joffrey's ability to do anything properly. It's mostly the second one, really. They run across a crazy street preacher who's shouting about how brother is lying with sister and now everything is rotten. Tyrion and Bronn hang toward the back of the crowd and enjoy the free entertainment while Tyrion says Joffrey's a lost cause. The shouter blames the recent problems on a twisted demon monkey, which Bronn has to explain to Tyrion as being a reference to his height. Tyrion is shocked (or acts shocked, anyway) that people would blame him for the problems when he's just trying to get Joffrey to behave. Bronn explains that people blame Tyrion for pulling the king's strings, so anything Joffrey does that they don't like automatically gets blamed on Tyrion.
The Iron Islands! Theon Greyjoy looks with a smile at his ship, the Sea Bitch. Then he looks around with a scowl at his scruffy crew, who are piling out of a building I'll just assume is a bar. They're on their way to the ship, and they don't seem to respect him as their captain. He tries to deliver a standard pre-mission pep talk and promises rewards for doing well. The largest and meanest-looking one takes a break from completely ignoring him and tells him, "I have been reaving and raping since before you left Balon's balls." The large, mean one says that he and the crew don't need any captain as long as they have a ship. And there's the Sea Bitch right there. They've got a mutiny starting before they even leave port! That's pretty efficient work. I thought the traditional method was to pretend to be good little sailors until you're a day or so out of port, and then make with the threats. Theon admits that the crew could steal the ship (which they certainly could, given that they're all getting into a boat and rowing out there, while Theon is still standing on the shore) and threatens to hunt him down for a traitor. His sister Yara shows up and mocks him a little. She's on her way to Red Harbor, where her thirty ships are waiting. And there's no rush; she tells him that her crew would wait forever for her. Theon is utterly defeated, so she cheerfully tells him, "Enjoy the Stony Shore." That's where the fishing villages are that Theon's supposed to go raid.
Someone walks up to Theon and introduces himself as Dagmer, the First Mate. He'll row Theon out to the boat, which is nice of him. Not that Theon appreciates it. Dagmer tells him that no one's going to respect him until he proves himself. Theon whines that he can't prove himself a real Iron Islander by raiding fishing villages, which is what his father told him to do. Dagmer nods toward the crew, which is already well on their way to the Sea Bitch: "They're all Iron Islanders. Do they do as they're told? Or do they do as they like?" Theon starts speculating on more impressive prizes he could take while still basically being close to the fishing villages. He comes up with one he could hold for a couple of days, which would cause the Starks to send reinforcements. He starts to smile: "Take me to my ship." I'm not sure I believe that everyone on the Iron Islands does what they want all the time. It almost certainly wouldn't work as a long-term strategy on a ship. Still, I guess that's Theon's problem.
Arya prepares food for Tywin's table, where there's a war council going on. One guy Polliver thinks the Starks are doing fine now, but will get weaker soon, because winter is coming. Tywin thinks the Starks understand winter better than anyone. I mean, they certainly talk about it a lot, but that doesn't mean they're any good at it. In fact, they seem more worried about winter than anything. I guess the question is whether "Winter Is Coming" is supposed to imply that we should be worried about it. Christmas is also coming eventually, you know? There are rumors of discontent in the Stark camps, but that's true everywhere. Tywin points out that there's always discontent in wartime, especially among the people having to fight. The real problem, in his estimation, is that "the Stark boy" keeps winning battles. One guy suggests that they've worked through the night and might benefit from some sleep. Tywin eyeballs him: "Yes, I believe you would, Reginald. And because you're my cousin, I might even let you wake from that sleep." Reginald is dismissed to go to his wife. In Lannisport. He stammers a bit, and Tywin cuts him off: "Go. Before I change my mind and send her your head." And if Reginald weren't a Lannister, Tywin would just kill him. Just because he rejects everything his council tells him is no excuse for wanting to leave it. Arya brings over some wine, but Tywin wants water. Logical! And I think it's the first time anyone on this show has expressed a desire to be clear-headed. Even Mr. Smarty-Pants Tyrion is constantly drinking.
Since his attention has been drawn to Arya, Tywin asks her where she's from. Her answer is "Maidenpool," which we can safely assume is some non-Winterfell place. Tywin doesn't buy it, so he asks who's the Lord there. Ah! This calls back to the scene in the first season where Arya wasn't paying attention when learning all the Houses. I bet if someone had explained to her that she could use this information while going incognito in the service of her family's enemies, she'd have been more into it. Having said all that, Arya knows the answer is "House Mooton," which I initially heard as "House Mitten." Tywin would like to know what their sigil is, and Arya's storehouse of Maidenpool knowledge has dried up. Tywin tells her it's a red sun, and that he knows she's a Northerner. So she tries again, this time claiming to be from Barrowton. And to prove it, she rattles off the facts: House Dustin, and the sigil is two crossed long-axes beneath a black crown. Tywin appears to accept that, although it didn't sound very plausible to me. He asks what people in the North say about Robb Stark, and Arya says that Robb rides into battle on the back of a giant dire wolf. Also he can turn into a dire wolf and can't be killed. Tywin asks if she believe that. Arya: "No, my lord. Anyone can be killed." And she says that while looking Tywin right in the eyes. They lock eyes for a while, and Tywin finally tells her, "Fetch that water." Tywin's pretty awesome. He'd rather have a prisoner-turned-water-bearer threaten to kill him than a cousin whine about needing to get some sleep in the middle of a war council.
Arya goes through the hallways of Harrenhal to get the water. And on her way, she sees a gang of Lannister soldiers that includes Jaqen H'ghar, which she seems to find startling. I guess it's because the last time she saw him, he was trying to escape from a cage while Lannister men rounded up prisoners. Jaqen breaks off from his group so he and Arya can have a private discussion. He kicks things off: "A girl says nothing. A girl keeps her mouth closed." That's how he talks. He follows it up with, "A boy becomes a girl." Arya tells him she was always a girl, and he respond, "And I was always aware. But the girl keeps secrets." Now, see, this inconsistency bugs me. I feel that he should either always say "A man" or always say "I." She feels that he's one of "them" now and she should have let him burn. He points out (again using "you" and "me" so it's not like he doesn't know how to use the first and second person) that she fetches water for one of them now. So she's serving the Lannisters just like he is. Anyway, he has a message for her: "A man pays his debts." Arya "stole three deaths from the red god" when she let the three of them out of that burning cage and he wants to give them back. "Speak three names. And the man will do the rest." She correctly interprets this to mean that she can give Jaqen a name and he'll kill him. Her first choice is "The one who tortures everyone." Unfortunately, a man needs a name. Aha! See, even the characters on the show find it confusing when people don't get names. But Arya knows he's called "The Tickler" and that's enough. The secret confab is over, so Arya continues on her errand. To get water, remember?
And now, snow! Snow, everywhere! Also, Jon Snow! The Night's Watch is trudging single-file somewhere. Somewhere snowy. Snow asks if it's possible for anyone to survive out here. Apparently it's possible for "the halfhand," who's this guy over here. His name is "Halfhand." Samwell thinks it's pretty with all the snow everywhere, which just makes people make fun of him for being in love. They're wondering if they've been spotted yet, which they'll know about when a horn blows. And then a horn blows.
They make camp on a cliff. Samwell wants to babble about the First Men, thousands and thousands of years ago, who stood there through the Long Night. No one cares. Snow looks at some weird-looking clouds in the distance. There's another horn blast. Snow says, "One blast is for rangers returning. Two blasts is for wildlings." Samwell elaborates that one is for friends, two for foes, and three for white walkers. That one hasn't been used in a long time, but Sam read it in a book, which everyone treats with weary, bemused contempt.
Tyrion looks at a jar of green liquid. I guess someone's discovered the secret of creating purest green. That would be the old creepy guy over here, who assures him that the substance burns wood, stone, steel, and flesh. "It melts flesh like tallow!" After the dragons went away, it was key to Targaryen dominance. Bronn is skeptical of all these claims, since he's seen lots of pig shit get called Wildfire. Old Guy insists that it's not pig shit. I believe him, because if your pig shit is bright green, you have some very sick pigs. The plan is to load these jars of supposed wildfire into catapults and thus destroy any incoming fleets. Bronn thinks catapults need to be manned by real soldiers, most of whom are out on the battlefield. And even with proper soldiers, battles are chaotic situations and bottles get knocked over. And if the stuff in the jars is as powerful as the older gentleman is claiming, that would be bad. Except he says all this much more rudely, which draws this response: "You would not dare insult my order while Aerys Targaryen lived!" Bronn shrugs and says the wildfire didn't help Aerys much. In his opinion, men win wars, not magic tricks. Tyrion is let into a storage room where there are allegedly 7,811 pots. The whole order has been working tirelessly. Bronn: "This is a shit idea. Tyrion calls the old guy Wisdom Hallyne, and I would have appreciated it if that could have been worked in earlier in the scene. Tyrion says, "The contents of this room could lay Kings Landing low. You won't be making wildfire for my sister any longer. You'll be making it for me." I don't get the impression that Wisdom cares who he makes wildfire for. Some men just want to see King's Landing burn.
Off to Qarth! Daenerys and one of her handmaidens are watching a baby dragon. They tell it, "Trakaris" and it burns a chunk of meat before eating it. Then it goes to sleep. They are delighted that they've taught it a trick. The other handmaiden is annoyed. Then there's talk of dresses. The wealthiest man in Qarth has given Dany a dress, which reminds her of the last dress she got. You remember, that time she was sold to Drogo? They argue about whether she's a princess (who wears fancy dresses) or a khaleesi (who has swords). But the consensus is that she should wear the dress anyway because she's a guest.
Oh, it's a garden party! How delightful! As an example of the light discussion that happens at a garden party, a partygoer encourages Dany to attend the night market. She breaks off to talk to her men, who are arguing about whether a statue of a peacock is too heavy to carry off. They may be small, but they're still a dothraki horde at heart. One of them has a theory that it might be too heavy to lift, but it's pure gold, so they can cut off as much as they can carry. Daenerys is mad at them for planning on stealing from people who treat them as guests, but they have a way out of that moral dilemma: they'll wait until they're leaving before stealing anything. That way, they won't be guests anymore! Daenerys still won't allow them to steal it, which makes her something of a killjoy.
A skinny creepy guy welcomes Daenerys on behalf of the warlocks of Qarth. He has her look into a gem so he can give her some patter: "So many facets. Look closely enough and you can see yourself in them." Suddenly there's another of him! Over there! And that's the whole trick. Seems pretty pointless. You can use twins to do a teleportation gag, but this was just weird. He wants to host her at the House of the Undying, which is where the warlocks hang out. He calls her "Mother of Dragons" a lot. Daxos (the guy who let Daenerys's horde into Qarth) apologizes for the warlock, who's one of the thirteen. He explains that the warlocks are so soft, they believe their parlor tricks are magic.
A woman with a weird head wrap knows Jorah Mormont of Bear Island. This throws him off his game, and he wants to know who she is. She claims to be no one, which is an interesting new wrinkle in not giving me names for characters. She says Dany needs true protectors, because when people see dragons, they'll want to steal them. In her opinion, dragons are fire made flesh, and fire is power.
In the woods somewhere, Brienne and Catelyn take a break so they can talk about what exactly happened in Renly's tent. Brienne thinks the smoke thing looked like Stannis. Cartelyn thinks it was just a shadow in the shape of a man. Brienne agrees: "In the shape of Stannis." Cat says they'll get to Robb's camp the day, and then she's going to Winterfell to see her kids. Brienne never knew her mother, which is very sad but also fairly irrelevant to the discussion at hand. But Cat's willing to play that game, so she says that her mother died on the birthing bed when Cat was very young. Brienne wants to go kill Stannis on account of her vow. And she's as good as any of his guards, so she figures she could just go stomp up to him and kill him. Cat assures her that Renly's death wasn't her fault. Brienne moans, "I only held him that once. As he was dying." Cat tries convincing her that Renly's enemies are Robb's enemies, so naturally the best way to hurt Renly's enemies would be to join Robb's fight. Brienne offers to serve Cat, but not Robb. Because Cat has "a woman's kind of courage." As long as she promises not to hold her back from Stannis, anyway. Cat promises, "When the time comes, I will not hold you back." Brienne kneels and lays her sword at Cat's foot. She swears by the old gods and the new, as does Cat. Cat's specific vow is, "I vow that you shall always have a place at my home and at my table and that I shall ask no service of you that might bring you dishonor."
Up at Winterfell (thus justifying its presence in the opening credits) Bran is holding court at Winterfell while a local farmer complains about bandits and wolves getting on his sheep. His sons are off fighting for Robb and he can't keep watch all the time on his own. Bran offers up a couple of orphan boys, which the famer's happy about. This whole time, Rickon is sitting to Bran, smashing nuts in a very distracting fashion.
The case Bran has to deal with is the news that Torrhen's Square is under siege! It's a raiding party led by the Mountain! Bran tells Ser Rodrik to round up 200 men to get out there. Maester Luwin thinks that's too many people, but Bran figures that if they don't defend their people, their people won't defend them.
Bran is carried out into the courtyard by Hodor while chatting with Osha. I shall remind you that Osha is the creepy wildling lady. And Hodor is the big guy that only says "Hodor." Bran says that Luwin's never heard of a three-eyed raven appearing in dreams. Osha shrugs and says that it can't be an omen after all. Bran accuses her of being a liar because she won't tell him what his dream means. She asks exactly what he saw, and he won't answer. Incidentally, he's being strapped into that horse-riding device Tyrion showed them. Bran says that he dreamed that the sea came to Winterfell. He saw waves crash against the gates, water flowing over the walls, and filling the castle. Ser Rodrik was drowned. She tells him the sea is hundreds of miles away. "Osha. The three-eyed raven. What do they say about it? North of the wall." She only says, "They say all sorts of crazy things north of the wall." A lot of help she is.
Speaking of "north of the wall," let's go back and check on those guys. Someone sees a fire on a far-off mountain. Snow sees it too. They reiterate that all the wildlings have joined Mance Rayder, and they're probably almost ready to make their move to someplace safe. Which is south. And they're going to be led by Mance Rayder, who used to be a Night's Watch ranger. They'll be organized and disciplined, more like the Night's Watch. So the actual Night's Watch needs to work more like them. The new plan is to go fast and silent. In, kill Mance, out. And that's not something they can do with this 400-person army. Halfhand (or "Lord Qhorin" if you're nasty) calls forth his three favorite rangers. Snow wants to go, but he's a steward, not a ranger. He points out that he killed a wight. On the other hand, he let Craster whop him over the head. Sam offers to take over Snow's duties while he's gone. Lord Commander Mormont looks at Halfhand, who nods. Mormont shrugs. "I hope you make a better ranger than you do a steward." Snow joins the party.
Qarth! Daxos asks Dany how long her manservant has been in love with her. She denies every part of that. The discussion proceeds to what she wants: she would like to cross the Narrow Sea and take the Iron Throne. Why? Well, "The Iron Throne is mine and I will take it." She points out that Daxos became rich, which means he's also a conqueror, albeit somewhat less ambitious. So what does he want? Why did he let her into Qarth in the first place? He takes her to a vault door made of Valyrian steel. The greatest locksmiths and the greatest thieves have given up on trying to get through it. He's got the only key. The implication is that there are giant piles of treasure on the other side, but we never actually see it. Dany asks if she gets all of it, and Daxos downgrades his offer to half. But it's still enough for a fleet of ships and ever so many soldiers. And all she has to do is marry him. He says he's married once for love, but that ended. His parents never had shoes, but his children will be princes and princesses. And then he tells her that Robert Baratheon is dead. She stares at him.
Later, Daenerys and Jorah discuss the situation. Jorah thinks she shouldn't try to take a country by marrying into an army. Although that's exactly how she got her Dothraki horde. She says that the country is split by four false kings, so the time is right. He thinks she has a good claim to the throne, so his recommended strategy is for her to get to Westeros and start garnering support among the populace. And she also has a gentle heart, so (according to Jorah) she could be respected, feared, and loved. Jorah looks at her and still can't believe she's real. Around now is when she accepts that he's in love with her. I mean, really. "I look at you and still can't believe you're real"? That's not exactly strategy. She asks him what he'd have her do. Since he's officially her advisor, he should start advising. His recommendation: "Make your own way. Find your own ship. You only need one. The allies we need are in Westeros, not Qarth." He offers to find her a ship with a sound captain. "I look forward to meeting him." Then she goes off to look at one of her dragons, because why wouldn't she? I wouldn't blame her if she gave up on the Iron Throne and just devoted herself full-time to being Mother of Dragons.
Back at King's Landing, Gendry makes a sword while Arya watches him and gives him swordfighting tips. The main one she offers is that standing sideways presents a smaller target. He objects that he's not fighting anyone, but he's clearly waving the sword around in preparation. As she says, "You're practicing for a fight. You should practice right." And then! A scream! What happened? It's a mystery! Nobody saw anything, but The Tickler is dead! Arya looks around and eventually sees Jaqen high up in a window. He holds one finger up to his eye. If you ask me, she kind of wasted that first death. She should try naming more important people to get maximum value.