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The Lions are getting it together and Luke and Vince starting to become a powerhouse combination. Vince gets named Co-Conference Player of the Week, along with J.D. McCoy, and is invited to go talk to little Pop Warner players. J.D. does and says everything right, probably because his father has bought him all the scripts he'll ever need for the rest of his life, while Vince doesn't know what to say to the kids, so opts to tell them what the guy who's teaching him to steal cars (yup, now we have to worry about that!) just told him: "Don't panic, stay cool, and you get paid."
J.D. may have a daddy-smoothed path in life, but his father hasn't resorted to buying him friends... yet. Luke tries to keep hanging out with J.D. like in the old days, but the kid with the golden arm, is becoming more and more of a privileged douche with every passing moment, and the two have a fantastic break-up scene following a paintball rampage. Quick thought experiment: imagine if it were Vince and his black friends hanging out of a truck pointing (paintball) guns at people and property. Possible outcomes?
Becky gets third at her shopping mall beauty pageant and her dad isn't even there to see it. Tim is, though, making it even easier for her to go down her little Freudian checklist. Lack? Check. Desire for the phallus? Check. Displacement? Check. She ultimately tries to kiss him but he rejects her-- just like daddies always do.
And I've been putting it off until here, but really, the story that all the other stories sort of emanate out of and orbit around is Matt's mourning for his father -- tracked through the reassuring but entrapping social forms of wake and funeral, with all their structure and ritual. Matt is hard to read, nobody is quite sure how he's doing only that he's, as Julie says, "trying." The guys take him out for a much-needed guys night during which they all get drunk and Matt makes the spectacularly bad decision to go to the funeral home and insist that the director open the casket to show him the body of his father -- who was killed by stepping on an IED. All possibilities of magical thinking end the moment he sees that terrible sight. The Taylors are there for him, though, in the most perfect way, as all the guilt he has internalized over having hated his now-dead father comes pouring out. The breakdown Matt finally allows himself to have in front of them is the greatest argument in favor of family (however you define it) I've ever seen. By the end of the funeral after everyone but Julie has left the graveside, Matt, stifled by all the ties and visiting hours and casseroles, picks up a shovel and starts burying his father himself: it's a very particular kind of male mourning, and I don't quite understand it, which is why I love this show so much, because it doesn't tell me things I already know.
Want more? The full recap starts right below! The Lions are down 24-0 in the fourth quarter. On the sidelines, the assistants are just asking the kids to get some points on the board. Out on the field, Vince bitches that they keep running the same old plays, the other team knows what they're going to do before they do it. Luke sort of shrugs, and then Vince tells him they should run a Wildcat. Wait, is either of these guys quarterback? No. So why are they calling plays? Because they are the coolest, I guess. Luke hesitates in the face of Vince's idea, saying that Coach doesn't think they're ready. The Lions huddle up and the poor nameless and powerless quarterback starts to call a play, but Vince interrupts him and calls the Wildcat. They form up, and Coach, on the sidelines sees that they aren't doing what they're supposed to be doing and starts yelling, but to no purpose. The ball gets snapped, Luke and Vince do the little Wildcat sneak thing where Luke runs in front of the snap, catches it and then tosses it off to Vince who runs it into the endzone and TOUCHDOWN!!! Everyone freaks the hell out, Coach on the sidelines looks pissed. The offense returns to the sidelines and Coach gets in their face screaming "Who called the play?!?!" None of the boys will 'fess up, they all just shrug and say they don't know. The shrug: teenaged passive resistance. Coach kind of swallows his pride and asks Vince if he "wants to get some more of that" and then tells him to get the damn ball back. Vince asks him what they're running and heads out to play defense. On the snap, Vince comes around and sacks the quarterback, the ball goes bouncing, everyone on the Lions sidelines continues to freak the hell out-- including, most memorably, Jess, who has a serious case of Football Face -- and Tanker falls on the ball to recover it for the Lions. Back on the sidelines, Coach pissily yells at the boys that he calls the play, they run it-- GOT THAT? Vince yes sirs him and then Coach gives him the call: Wildcat Gun X Throwback. Vince is surprised and asks, "You want me to throw the ball?" and Coach is like "No, I want you to stand here and I want to talk about it all night." Coach sends the boys back out, and the poor quarterback gets unquarterbacked again with Vince getting the ball, rearing back and throwing loooong to....Luke Cafferty! Touchdown!!! Everyone continues happy-ing it down, Luke gets hoisted in the air, and this is the sweetest celebration of a loss I've ever seen. The announcer exposits that this is a great end to a game that couldn't be won, giving some light to a team that's been stuck in the dark.
In the locker room, Coach, hair kind of loosey goosey with expectation, tells his boys that they have nuthin' to be ashamed of. Luke grins at Vince. Coach tells them to quiet down a minute and take a knee. They do so, and Coach brings the room down a bit-- telling them that a lot of them probably know Matt Saracen, and some have even played with him, so they've probably heard that his father has passed away, and the funeral is in a couple of days. He requests that they say a word for him and his family and then calls on "Lance" to lead a prayer. Now, last episode, he knew that Landry's name is Landry, not Lance-- so what's with the regression? If he was just teasing, he could probably have picked a more appropriate time. Anyhow, Landry leads the team in the Lord's Prayer.
Cut to Matt Saracen sitting in his room watching a video his father sent him from Iraq for Christmas. His father is on the screen in fatigues and a Santa hat, speaking rather stiltedly and formally to the son he doesn't seem to know very well. Shelby knocks on the door and tells Matt he has company. Landry and Julie walk in, forcing some quietly awkward cheer about how Matt doesn't have an option, it's bad movie night. Can you imagine Landry and Julie coming up with this plan? Too sweet. Matt just looks blankly, keeps twirling this pencil in his hand and asks how the game was. Julie tells him it was good and that "twinkle toes over here kicked two points." Landry stutters objection to that nickname saying he thought something more like "Golden Foot" than Twinkle Toes. Landry switches the subject and tells Matt that he likes one of the twenty or so sketched hands Matt has tacked on the wall above his desk; Landry picks the same sketched hand that Matt's artist mentor Richard told him "didn't make me puke." Landry sort of remarks on all the hands on the wall -- which hang there as a nice visual reminder to us of Matt's sometimes hidden intensity. Julie asks him what's on the computer and Matt starts playing the video again, with his father still overly serious, telling Matt that he sent him something in the mail. Matt scoffs a bit and remembers, "Fifty bucks" His father mentions that they're doing a good job over there, and will be finished soon. This was three years ago. The video finishes playing and Julie quietly says it was nice. Matt grabs another sketch and asks if they like it. Landry wonders, "Is that a hand?" This sketch looks far more angry and abstract than the others. Matt sort of chuckles and then gets up and tells them to come watch the movie with him.
Credits. Vince wakes up on the pull-out couch in his living room to the phone ringing. He answers and it's Coach asking if he's seen the paper yet today; Vince tells him he doesn't get the paper and Coach informs him that he's got his picture in it: he's made "Co-Conference Player of the Week." Vince perks up and grins, asking how he looks. Coach, no nonsense tells him he looks like an idiot. Coach, putting his tie on in the middle of a busy Taylor morning, tells Vince that they want him to go over to a pancake breakfast at one o'clock to talk to the little Pop Warner kids. Vince immediately wants to know why they call it a breakfast if it's at one o'clock and Coach just sighs and says "Son, I don't know why they call it that, it's just the way they do it." Nice reminder that Vince is an outsider to this world with all its rituals and customs. Vince says he'll be there, hangs up the phone and goes over to the kitchen where he finds the light switch inoperable, the fridge warm, the milk in the fridge soured, the water turned off. "Hey Mom, we ain't go no electrics, no nothin'" No response from his mom so he goes out the front door and finds his mother passed out on a bench out on the exterior walkway of their second floor apartment. He rushes over to her, picks her up and brings her inside, at least a few prying and judging neighborly eyes on the kid with too much on his plate.
Cut over to the shopping mall, garish music playing while garish young girls stand on a stage decorated garishly with silver tinsel streamers, all performing various garish "talents": pom-pom routines, hula hooping, ribbon dancing. . . xylophone playing. Out in the audience, Tim jokes with Becky's mom over the poor girl performing the xylophone for her pageant talent. She laughs and then grumbles about the empty seat to Tim, which is saved for Becky's father who is apparently shiftless and no-good, and never makes it to Becky's pageants. Becky takes the stage and luckily we cut away before having to hear her sing again.
Extreme close-up on Matt Saracen's face as Buddy Garrity tells him that he just has to know that his father died in service of an important cause. The camera cuts abruptly to shots of plates being filled with food, Matt's attention is drawn away from Buddy's droning toward his Grandmother's quiet crying, he glances this way and that, stuck in this chair, wearing a tie. Buddy drifts off and the camera cuts some more around the room, which is stuffed full of people. Julie is now sitting to Matt, she remarks that he hasn't moved from his chair in an hour. He says that he doesn't need to, everyone keeps coming over to him. Then in a non sequiter he blurts, "He stepped on an IED" and then "How long do these things go for?" The whole effect is to emphasize how we experience grief as both extremely volatile and also extremely tamed through ritual and community. Matt's rage bubbles up when he thinks of the IED, but there he is, amidst potato salad and button-down shirts, saying please and thank you.
Backstage at the pageant-- which, I'm already not too in love with the Becky story line, but cutting between Matt's father's wake and Becky's pageant? It's like switching channels between The Wire and According to Jim. Anyhow, backstage, Becky's mom lays into her father over the phone, which really embarrasses Becky in front of all the other pageant girls overhearing her mom yell about how disappointed Becky was that he wasn't there.
Back at the wake the phone rings and Grandma Saracen walks over to hand it to Tim, who's talking with Landry and Billy. Billy hisses, "What are you getting a phone call here for?" because it is totally socially inappropriate. We cut over to Becky walking through the mall, saying she tried his cell and his work and then figured he was at Matt Saracen's. Tim is shaking his head in disbelief but she chatters on, saying that she figured that he wasn't close to the dead guy but if he is, she'll hang up. He asks her what the problem is and she hesitantly thanks him for coming. He nicely tells her that she did great and then they hang up the phone, Becky upset in the mall, Tim turning back to Grandma's muffled crying. This Becky thing is kind of crazily perverted, because everything she likes in Tim is how he's been acting kind of parental toward her. But it's still a weird story line because it's forcing Tim Riggins to be too upstanding or something, right?
Cut outside where Matt talks with a soldier in the front yard. Matt wonders whether the guy's job is to see the bodies home, and he clarifies that he's a recruiter in West Texas and that this is "an honor job." Matt realizes "So, you didn't even know my dad" and the soldier confirms that's the case but that he tries to find out as much as possible about the man as he can, and that he learned that Matt's dad was quite the joker, "funny guy." Matt is like "My dad?" and then goes on to tell the soldier that that wasn't his dad. His dad was a good soldier and all that but he "was not a funny guy, not ever." Matt's voice thickens slightly as he continues to harangue the soldier that he's got it all wrong, Matt never saw his dad even crack a smile his whole life. Landry walks out the front door behind them and realizes that Matt is starting to lose it a little bit, he comes over and gently extricates Matt from the conversation. As they walk back into the house, Matt is pissed, angrily wondering "why they even sent this guy, he didn't know my dad" and Landry just kind of soothingly says "I know, I know" over and over until they get back in. Landry tells Matt that the Riggins clan and he are going to take Matt out and away from all the death and dying and deviled eggs tomorrow night. Matt, kind of weaving his torso back and forth, barely able to meet Landry's glance, is barely focusing on Landry's suggestion when there's another knock at the door. Matt opens it to find J.D. and Joe McCoy standing there, J.D. holding a huge expensive basket of fruit. Joe immediately offers condolences on behalf of the Boosters, but Matt just sort of shakes his head in a "pinching himself" way and asks, "Are you serious?" Joe tries to start over with his processed sympathy but Matt just slams the door in his face. The guests behind him have gone quiet-- in concern, sure, but hopefully also in serious admiration.
Commercials. Luke is running on a road when J.D. and some other Precious Son of the South come honking up in a Jeep and trawl alongside him. J.D.-- whose voice seems to be getting higher and higher, no?-- starts to tease Luke about not making Co-Conference Player of the Week when J.D. did. J.D. holds up the newspaper and points out his picture, pretending not to know who this Vince Howard is. Luke snarkily says that he remembers spending a few hours in jail with a Vince Howard, taking this chance to remind J.D. that a bunch of guys-- "what's his name? J.D. McDICK?"-- totally ditched Luke and Vince to get arrested in the first place. J.D. "apologizes" (which includes the whiny implication that J.D. is the one getting wronged here-- "What do you want me to do, get on my knees?") and his friend leans over while driving and tells Luke that they're going paintballing tomorrow night and they want him to come. Luke reluctantly agrees to think about it.
Matt and Tami get out of the car in the parking lot of a depressing strip mall. Julie is going to stay in the car with Grandma Saracen. Tami assures Matt that his grandmother will be okay in the car, and they go into the funeral parlor. Inside, a man presents "The American Hero" package to Matt. This package comes with a choice of wood for the casket and standard outer-burial container. Matt snaps back to attention from wherever his mind was just was wandering: "What is that?" The funeral director explains that it has to do with moisture leaking in to the casket over time, "and since Veteran Affairs will be picking up most of the bill, you can honor your father in the manner he deserves." Tami keeps quiet as Matt tries to navigate this needlessly capitalistically complicated exchange. The director goes on to point out the embalming charge, and Matt seems to suddenly realize that his father is THERE, in the building. He asks if he can see him and the director tells him that in this circumstance, he thinks a closed casket is best. Matt passively agrees and goes back to being unable to focus, glancing around the room at the caskets and burial outfits displayed along the walls. Tami jumps in, all business, and politely asks if she can ask just one quick question. She points out a number of charges associated with a "viewing" that they won't be having, then when the director keeps going down the list of the charges-- "Funeral Escort" which is a charge for cars for the attendees of the funeral, Tami really snaps into mama bear mode: "We all have cars, we don't need cars." Matt-- blinking his eyes like he keeps waking up from a bad dream-- says that his grandma is in the car, so he'd like to just sign the papers and go. Tami tells him to go ahead outside, assuring him that she'll finish up in there (and how can you not trust Tami when she assures you of something?!), and Matt shakes the man's hand, gives him a "yes, sir" and leaves. The minute Matt leaves Tami quits beating around the bush and asks, "with all due respect" whether "that boy looks like he can pay $9000 to bury his father." The funeral director sputters some about how Veteran's Affairs will pay for it and Tami pushes him: "You look me in the eye and tell me that Veteran's Affairs is going to pick up a $9,000 bill." He admits that they won't pay for the whole thing and Tami tells him that they are starting over from the beginning, and doing it quickly. Tami Taylor, adding "funeral arrangements" to the list of things she is awesome at handling.
Some garage somewhere. A man leads Vince and Bad Gold Chain Kid in and tells them that they're looking for old cars, old models, because once cars stop being made, their parts start being worth more. Ah, a little lesson in Grand Theft Auto. Their Felony Guru tells them to walk away if they come upon a new car, and Bad Gold Chain Kid thinks he knows why: "Cuz they have Lo Jack." Felony Guru corrects him, "We in West Texas, ain't nobody got Lo Jack!" and says that new cars have steering locks. Vince and Bad Gold Chain Kid start bitching at each other, but Felony Guru tells them to shut it and pay attention. The more they talk, they more they miss, the more likely they'll do something stupid. He shows them how to stick a screwdriver in the ignition, that sometimes the dash might come on after they do, but "Don't panic, be cool, get paid." He yanks the screwdriver out, the car roars to life and Vince grins.
Matt sits on the stoop in front of Grandma's shotgun house, Julie comes out of the house to sit to him (she's re-wearing a very normal-teen-girl outfit from the other day-- a purple tee, A-line jersey skirt and flip-flops-- when she was reading the review of Matt's artist mentor's art exhibition to him). Matt tells her that it was really nice of her mom to help him that afternoon and she tells him that "She's good in crisis. She's pretty much built for crisis." In some ways this show has taken me through a period in my life where I have made my peace with wanting to be a woman like Tami-- getting done being a girl fucking around and starting to be a woman who can take care of people and tell opportunistic funeral directors where to shove it. Matt is grabbing hold of the metal banister on the side of the poured-cement stoop, sort of worrying it with his thumb and staring at it. Julie gently tells him that her mom invited him over for dinner that night if he wants to get away for an hour or so that night. Matt just says "Okay" and Julie wants to know if that means he'll come or....Matt distractedly tells her "Okay, okay, I'll come." Julie asks him if he's alright and Matt tells her that yeah, he's fine. He swallows and his eye kind of redden a bit: "You know, this stuff happens. Right now it's happening to me, someday it'll happen to you, and...sorry I didn't mean it like that. That was a stupid thing to say." And, oh, god, like Julie, I don't think I've ever thought about this before and this is kind of like how I've had to make a pact with myself to not think about my dog dying. In the same way, I CANNOT THINK ABOUT THE TAYLORS EVER DYING. Julie tells him that it's okay, and Zach Gilford-- seriously SLAM DUNKING the Emmy-- peels himself away from his inward-turning focus on worrying the metal railing and wills himself to spin slightly toward Julie, brightly asking "So, what time is this dinner?" That small shift of his body telling us that the character feels guilty for bringing up the issue of death, and how parents die, and he needs to do the emotional heavy lifting to distract Julie from such a downer.
At the Taylors', Eric lays around on the floor wearing a white undershirt, with Gracie leaning against him playing and snacking. A football game is on the television, covering the great game that Brian "Smash" Williams is having off the bench. Eric quietly cheers to Gracie, "Look at him go!" Tami and Julie come home, both rather subdued. Tami goes to get Grace to put her down for a nap, thinking out loud that maybe both of them will lie down together. Julie sort of slumps on the couch. Her dad asks how Matt's holding up and Julie sort of slowly says "Um...he's trying." Coach-- with the requisite groans and harrumphs of a dad getting up off the floor-- gets up and goes over to Julie, who can barely wait for him to sit down to her for her face to start crumpling. He wraps his arms around her and she leans her head on his shoulder and cried. He kisses her head and without any words passing between them he knows what's up and tells her "I'm not going anywhere."
Commercials. Little Pop Warner kids-- Jess's little brothers among them-- ask J.D. who his favorite football player is. J.D., the picture of "upright young man" in his button down shirt, tie, and khakis, easily tells them about Johnny Unitas, giving a nod to Coach Taylor in the back who apparently used to compare J.D to Unitas. Coach Taylor looks like he regrets the day he ever met this weaselly fellow. J.D. gives a shout out to his dad in the back of the room-- "that old guy back there? Probably the oldest guy in the room?" and his dad does this really performative head-thrown-back chuckle. J.D. continues, telling the kids about how when he's on the field, he sees everything, and he's really fast and he's just the greatest at everything! Vince mutters to Coach that "boyscout's pretty arrogant." Coach just dryly replies that the boy has a hell of an arm. All arm, no heart, I guess. J.D. finishes up and Vince gets called in front of the kids. Vince is wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and gold chain. The guy introducing him tells the kids that this is Vince's first year playing, and that he's a role model for them. Then he asks Vince for some words for the boys and Vince freezes. J.D.'s been going to these things his whole life, he's had private coaches feed him inspirational sports talk his whole life, he has the words. Vince doesn't have the vocabulary. Vince asks the host what he's supposed to say, which is really sad. And then he finds some words: "Don't panic, stay cool, and you get paid." The kids like it, Jess in the audience, rolls her eyes, Coach is just glad the kid made it through without getting arrested for something again.
Panther football field at night. The Riggins boys, Matt Saracen, and Landry are gathered to blow off steam. They're fucking around, shotgunning beers and the like. Tim is punting empty beer cans and Billy is asking them if they remember the State Championship game from three years ago. He starts to reminisce, about how there was ten seconds left on the clock, and they had Matt "Mayday" Saracen setting up. But all the boys are like "What? Mayday Saracen?" Tim says that Matt was never called Mayday, and then suggests "Cobra" as a nickname. Billy, slurring a bit, tells Cobra to think fast, and chucks the football at him, knocking his beer can out of his hand. Tim protests, "Dude! Why would you kill Cobra's beer?" As much as I want to do girl-boy things with Tim Riggins, I also would totally love to just get drunk and slosh around on a football field with him. He seems so damned fun, in a brosef kind of way. Matt's been standing around with the guys, smiling, and obviously enjoying their company, and he finally starts to open up: "Do you know I have to give a eulogy at this thing tomorrow?" He shakes his head, talking to his now-somber (not sober, but certainly now somber) friends, not believing that he has to stand up in front of everyone and say good things about his father when all he really wants to say is "Here lies Henry Saracen, his mother annoyed him, his wife couldn't stand him, and he didn't want to be a Dad so he took off to be in the army." Matt keeps going, on a roll, imagining saying the things he actually thinks out loud to everyone at the funeral: "And now all you got left with is a mother with dementia and a son"-- pause, hiccup in his voice "who delivers pizza. Thank you for coming one hundred people I do not know." He finishes and no one knows exactly what to say so they sip their beers some more. Matt thinks some more and realizes that even if he did finally say all those things, he doesn't know if he'd be saying it to his father, he has no idea whether his body is even in the casket. For all he knows it's someone else, "someone funny, or a buncha rocks, I don't know." Tim, having apparently put on his bad idea jeans, looks up from his beer and says "Well, there's only one way to find out then, right?"
Cut to the guys breaking into the funeral parlor, Tim still referring to Matt as Cobra like they're on a mission stealing the rival school's mascot or something. They're all sort of slovenly and slackjawed as they unexpectedly come upon the funeral director in one of the rooms. He doesn't take alarm, and greets Matt. Tim starts to say what they're there for, but Matt tells him to pipe down. Matt looks directly at the funeral director and says what he wants: to see his father. The funeral director reminds him that they agreed that wasn't a good idea. Billy and Landry start rumbling in the back about how Matt wants to see his dad, but Matt shushes them, too. He's not going to let anyone do any of the lifting here for him. The funeral director realizes that, drunk or not, the kid is serious and we cut to them walking into the room where the bodies are kept. Matt follows him over to the casket, towards the back of the room-- the other three guys linger by the door. The funeral director repeats that "Son, I really don't think this is a good idea" and Matt tells him that he appreciates that but, please just open it. Matt is sort of rocking back and forth on his feet as the man opens the casket. The camera swings around low and to the side of the casket so all we see is Matt's reaction framed by the top of the casket lid on the left side of the screen. And it is horrible. Zach Gilford doesn't say anything verbally, but somehow still says everything you need to know. Whatever he is seeing, nobody should ever have to see. Somehow he endures it for longer that I can even imagine, his eyes wide, his nose flaring with sorrow, his stomach nearly rebelling. With his eyes welling with tears he finally tells the director "Thank you" and then brushes past his pals, who try to ask if he's okay, as he exits the room.
Commercials. Luke drives a truck while J.D. and the other douche hang out the window and in the bed of the truck shooting shit up with their paintball guns. Luke complains while driving that he thought they were going to a field to do this and J.D. says they will but they're just practicing. They're shooting up cars and mailboxes; Luke worries that they're going to get paint on his truck and the Douche in the Back says that his truck is a piece of crap anyway. Luke: "Yeah, it's a piece of crap I had to pay for with my own money." I feel such kinship to people whose parents didn't buy them cars. It's American in the Plymouth Rock kind of way, whereas the new-car-birthday-present is American in an Olive Garden kind of way. J.D. aims and shoots at a pedestrian walking down the sidewalk, and that's too much for Luke who pulls over and orders them out of the car. J.D. tries to "tease" Luke to get him back into a good mood by telling Luke that he knows he feels bad about going to a dump of a school and they can't pretend like he doesn't. Luke doesn't want to be looked down on by his friends, gets out of the truck, goes around back, grabs the gun from the guy in the bed and shoots him in the leg with it. J.D. gets out of the truck and starts whine-yelling at Luke: "Screw you! How does it feel to be second-best on the worst team in Texas?" Luke comes around the front of the truck and J.D. hauls off and shoots him right in the chest with the paintball gun. Luke gets in his truck, inarticulate in his anger, just pointing his finger at J.D and saying "You're done. You're done." He peels out and like a tiny jerky baby J.D. lifts his gun and shoots up the back of Luke's truck as he drives away.
Tim is sitting in a lawn chair in the yard, drinking a beer, wind blowing his hair, listening to the Texas grasses sway. Ahhh. That's one nice setting. Ruined of course by Becky "Daddy Issues" Sproles coming out and sitting to him. He asks how it went and she tells him she got second runner up. He clarifies, "That's third, right?" and tries to make it sound okay until she says "Third place sucks" and he agrees. She asks how his day was and he says that it was weird, "I saw somethin' that, uh....Rather, I saw someone see somethin' that, uh....you ever just feel completely useless?" And, oh, isn't that how it feels when you are around someone grieving? And Becky has it wrong when she says that Tim is not useless-- because in the case of Matt's deep grief? He kind of is. I mean, the beers on the field were a good thing, they were the right thing to do. But there is nothing that Tim can really do for Matt-- that work that he's doing is his alone to do, and that is the sad thing about being sad. The only way out is through, but you're the only one who can do the work. Well I could sit here for a while more and ruminate on grief and all the big metaphysical things this show makes me think about except for Becky has to go and lean in and kiss Tim Riggins. Becky! Down! This girl is like a naughty dog. Tim kisses her back for about a beat, but then puts a stop to it, says "NO. This can't happen, no" and gets up and goes to his trailer.
Cut to Becky stocking up on junk food and beer at the convenience store. She thrusts it all at the sales clerk who asks her if she's got ID. She deepens her drawl and says that it's for her momma who isn't feelin' too good. He insists on ID and then WELL HELLO. A shirtless Luke comes shuffling out of the bathroom telling the clerk that he's almost out of soap. And remember that stuff I said up there about being okay with being a responsible woman and not a reckless girl anymore? STRIKE FROM THE RECORD. Seriously. Matt Lauria. Where did you come from? He gives the clerk the bathroom key back and says "Hey, Becky right?" She remarks on the red welt from the paintball shot, and the clerk tells him he needs to buy something. Luke smoothly says that Becky's stuff is his, shows his fake ID and gives him some money. They leave the store and she thanks him. He introduces himself and she's like I know who you are. Becky walks off but Luke calls after her, "Hey, you want to go to the car wash? I gotta go to the car wash. I mean look at that thing." And he is just so charming and boyish standing there like he doesn't know that he is everything good and terrible about being a teenager (or, well, being a twenty-something playing a teenager) coming together in a ginormous supernova of carefree-lust-smelly-feet-goofy-jokes-confusion-late-night-bonfires.
Knock at the door while Tami and Eric clean up in the kitchen, the clock behind them reads 10:30. Julie jumps up to answer it and finds Matt, clammy and sweaty and all apologies. He knows he's late, he still can't quite make eye contact or focus. He walks in and immediately apologizes to Tami, but she won't have it, she's all generosity, telling him that it's fine, they saved him a plate and will have dessert with him. Coach asks if he drove and Matt quickly says no, sir, he had a nice walk. And can we pause for a moment here and talk about the scripting of this show? First of all, that line takes care of any nagging that might occur later, when Coach offers to walk Matt home, so it does some practical work in the story line. But, secondly, it economically shows that Coach is already onto Matt's extreme emotional state-- whether or not Matt is still tipsy from drinking, or whether he is too shaken to drive. There's a fatherly sternness, but also deep concern. All from three words that come out as two: "Didju drive?"
So, cut over to the table where Matt pushes the food around on his plate. Julie tells him he doesn't need to eat if he doesn't want, but he says he's hungry, and Tami asks if he wants something else, hun, and Matt is making all these noises of apology and finally blurts out that he doesn't like carrots and he doesn't like when they touch the meat and Tami reaches over to take the plate and says she'll just take it away. But Matt pops up from his seat and says "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" over and over and then says that he's being rude and he doesn't like being rude. Tami, standing across from him, tries to soothe him and says that he isn't being rude and everything's okay, but Matt apologizes some more and then just says "I think I'm having a moment here. I think I'm having a moment here. I don't think I'm okay." And we get a longer shot of all four of them at the table, and this shot completely nails how when terrible things happen they never happen like you picture they will in your head. Like when you picture a tragedy in your mind, there's always a cinematic quality to it, but when something bad really happens, you're just in your regular house with the crappy lighting and standing or sitting at your regular old kitchen table where you sit every day except now everything is different but so completely and utterly and frustratingly the same. Once Matt finally confesses that he doesn't think he's okay, Julie tries to reach out to him, and he starts crying. Without looking at anyone, Matt lets it all out. He confesses that he hated him, and he doesn't like hating people, so he just put all his hate onto his father so he wouldn't have to hate anyone else, so he could be a good person, to his grandmother, to his friends, "to your daughter." Tami and Eric look at him, their faces full of pain and compassion. Matt says that all he wants is to tell his father that he hated him to his face, but now he doesn't even have a face. Saying that is too much for Matt, and he thanks the Taylors again and turns to leave. Julie sort of shrieks in distress that he doesn't have to leave, but Tami calmly tells her that it's okay. Julie turns and yells "You're just going to let him go like that?" Coach has followed her down the little hall to the front door, gives her a kiss on the head, puts her in her mother's arms, and follows Matt outside, telling Julie that he's going to be alright. While Tami strokes her daughter's hair, Julie snuffles that she has to do something, she can't let just let him hurt like that. There is simply TOO MUCH LOVE in this house right now.
Outside, Matt kind of lopes away from the house when Coach calls him back with two sternly-worded "Matt"s. Matt stops running and breaks down crying, doing that extremely sad, limbs-folding-in-on-yourself kind of collapse-sobbing. Coach comes up to him and just stands there for a bit until Matt gets control of the wracking sobs. Then Coach just says, quietly, "I'm going to walk you home." Matt doesn't say anything but they start walking, in silence. Cut to a shot of them from behind, Coach just reaching an arm around Matt's shoulders as they go. Matt is doing the work of grief, and he's doing it alone, nobody can really help, but someone can at least stand to him for a while.
Commercials. The morning of the funeral. Grandma worries a tissue in her lap while Shelby fixes her hair. Matt laces up his church shoes and looks at the piece of paper with his eulogy on it. The hearse enters the cemetery where soldiers stand at attention near the grave. People start to gather, and by people I mean LYLA GARRITY IS THERE! Lyla and Tim exchange a glance, we cut to a bit later as the pastor finishes up the Lord's Prayer (during which Tami closes her eyes and holds Eric's hand tightly) and says that Matt has some words to share with them. Matt gets up, puts the paper in his pocket, and says that he's just going to tell one story and that will be it. Then he launches into the story: about being at the supermarket with his mom, dad, and Grandma. His dad put some toilet paper in the cart and Grandma said "No, that's not the right one, that's not the right toilet paper we use!" Totally nails Grandma Saracen's weird locution there. So then Grandma puts the right toilet paper in the cart and storms off and his dad waits a minute and then just starts stacking tons of toilet paper in the cart. "It wasn't spiteful or nothing, and maybe you had to be there, but as a six-year-old it was the funniest thing I'd ever seen in my life." Now partly, this eulogy shows Matt coming to terms with the fact that there might be facets of his father's personality that he didn't know, but the thing I find most moving is that yes, I do think you had to be there. This is not a funny story. At all. But it's a family story, one that doesn't make sense because families don't really make sense when you try to translate all their specialized languages so others can understand. And so for me this eulogy is moving not because it shows Matt discovering something about his dad, but Matt realizing something about family-- of which he, lucky kid, now has two. Matt's eulogy continues, he says that he guesses that his father was more funny than he let on, that he was kind of private in that way. But one thing he wasn't private about was his service. He was in the army for twenty years, and he was proud of that. And he missed a lot of Matt's birthdays and a lot of him growing up, but Matt muses that he guesses the point is that he got to grow up. He got to have birthdays. His father did a job that not many people want to do and because of all of that we all get to be here and grow up and have our birthdays. Okay, now I'm totally with Matt on the "job not many people want to do" and I think it's crazy how this country is served so well by its least privileged members. But I don't exactly think the result of people not being in the Army is mass annihilation to the point of non-birthday having. And ultimately, Matt falling back on the language that others have used to describe his father-- he was funny and he was a good soldier-- is kind of an ambivalent ending. Because it seems to foretell that Matt, because he is SO good, won't be able to make his own path in the world, that he will always be upstanding and good and doing for others, but he won't ever be pathbreaking. Matt recognized the "wrong" feelings he had toward his father and he turned them into "right" ones. There's a real ambivalence there.
Matt thanks everyone for coming and sits down. A song by Great Northern, "Driveway" starts playing, while the military rituals attendant to the funeral begin: the flag draping the coffin is folded and handed to Grandma, the gun salute is discharged. The pastor invites everyone to the reception at the Saracen house and everyone starts moving to leave. Lyla comes over to kiss Matt on the cheek, and exchanges a look with Tim Riggins. A look which is hotter than Becky doing ten times as much to Tim. Everyone sort of melts away, leaving Matt and Julie to look on as men begin to shovel dirt onto the coffin. Tears roll down Matt's face as he watches. Finally he gets up and takes a shovel from one of the men and starts shoveling himself. The men leave Matt to his work, which he does, alone, with Julie standing to him. He shovels and shovels, he takes his suit jacket off. He shovels some more, and the episode ends as a pile of dirt falls directly onto the camera lens.
Discuss this episode in the Friday Night Lights forums, and see how the show fared in our Emmy wishlist!
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