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The Panther-Arnett Mead game gets picked to be the nationally-televised High School Game of the Week, making it extra special when Matt makes a game-winning play as receiver. Grandma Saracen and his mom have been arguing, but they put it all aside to watch Matt play.
Tim also plays a hell of a game, which is lucky because a recruiter is in town from San Antonio State scoping him out. When the recruiter catches Tim after practice, he's kind of zoned out about the whole college thing. Lyla tries unsuccessfully to get him to focus. Meanwhile, Mindy has dumped Billy, and Billy is a mess, which conveniently enough for Tim means lots of tequila-in-sympathy. Lyla has had enough of Tim's hijinks, so who better to commiserate over the Riggins with than Mindy? Lyla and Mindy tie one on big time, trying to create a no-Riggins zone, but that zone is quickly declared, basically, penis-deficient. Billy shows up and Mindy drunkenly throws herself at him once he assures her she DOESN'T have to quit stripping if she doesn't want to. The morning, Tim shows up at Lyla's to apologize, tell her he's signed with San Antonio State (that was quick!), and tease her for smelling like a brewery.
It's Tami's birthday and she declares she doesn't want to celebrate it. Coach can read between the lines, and so makes plans to reserve a hotel room for them after the game, champagne, chocolate-covered strawberries, the whole thing. Just when they're about to slip into their hotel robes ("we can steal 'em!" Coach exclaims), Tami's cell phone rings and she picks it up. It's Tyra, who's been in Dallas the whole episode with Cash, who just gets clammier and sleazier by the minute. He owes some dudes money, and starts man-handling Tyra when she asks what the hell is going on. So, Tyra calls Tami, because she doesn't have anyone else to turn to, and Tami and Coach leave their romantic Hampton Inn getaway to go get Tyra in Dallas. When they arrive, Cash is on the brink of hauling off on Tyra to prevent her from leaving. Coach intervenes, Tyra gets in the car, and everyone breaths a sigh of relief, except it seems like Tyra may have done irreparable damage to her relationship with Tami, who seems at a loss at how to deal with her any more.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Tim pulls up to the Playgirl Ranch in a cab, presumably on his way home from the airport returning from New York. He is welcomed by the sight of his truck crashed into a tree in the front yard. It's pretty smashed up; Tim mutters "unbelievable." He walks in the front door -- the camera shows us him coming inside the house, shot from a low angle, behind rows and rows of beer bottles on the kitchen counter. Billy is passed out on the couch in his underwear. Tim starts shouting at Billy about paying to fix the truck, Billy painfully raises his sloshing brains from the pillow and mutters "She left me." Tim simmers down and says he's sorry. Billy sits up and says the wedding's off, Tim asks if he wants to talk about it. That's when Billy stands up and we realize he's totally just wearing a banana sling; he sort of saunter-lurches out of the room, and we see that he's got a playing card stuck to his back. I have a quick 'Nam flashback about recapping The Real World Road Rules Challenge.
Coach plays with Gracie on the floor, Julie's at the breakfast bar. Tami walks into the kitchen, says good morning, wants to know who put the milk away empty again. Coach tells Tami that Gracie has just let him know that someone's birthday is coming up. Tami, looking hot in a white sweater tunic belted at the waist (oh, how I love writing things like "tunic" and "belted at the waist" like I'm Judith Krantz), says that she's been thinking she just isn't going to have her birthday this year. Coach and Julie are surprised and confused; Tami admits that she feels old, and the best present they could give her would be to let her not have a birthday.
Football field. The boys have taken a knee around Coach as he psyches them up for their first playoff game against Arnett Mead. Coach tells them to take a look around them, think about what they've all been through together, think about the good, think about the bad, what are they willing to do for each other? This is like Coach Mad Libs. "Look to the BLANK of you. Look to the BLANK of you. What are you willing to BLANK?" Having brought the boys to the serious place, Coach then decides to take them to the revving place, tells them to have a good practice, claps his hands, and the boys spring up, anxious to run into one another on the field. Cut to practice, Matt playing receiver. He completes a pass, but the defenseman pulls up at the last minute and doesn't tackle him. Coach yells at the defense, but Wade jumps in and apologizes, saying he told the defense not to hit Matt so he doesn't get hurt. Coach is all business; if Matt's going to play receiver, he's going to have to take some hits. Now it's on. Matt takes hit after hit, every time, the ball pops out of his hands with the impact.
Buddy and Lady Mayor come running onto the field all crazed and waving their arms. The kids circle up around them, Buddy's all red faced and excited, and he drops the news: the Dillon-Arnett Mead game has gotten picked as High School Game of the Week. The Panthers are going to be playing on national television! Buddy nearly gives himself an aneurysm shouting and jumping around, "ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?!" The kids are super psyched, jumping and shouting, too. Coach, of course, is cranky because he is a purist and in his day, they slaughtered the pig for the pigskin, sowed grass seed for the field, and played the game of the Gods upon that field only for the love of bruising and ass slapping.
Credits. Production trucks and camera crews pull up outside of Dillon High, making the kids wandering into school all amped. Inside, Tami makes the morning announcements, telling the whole school that Friday night's game is going to be on national TV. Everyone in school whoops and hollers, which makes them, if you ask me, kind of loser-ish. You aren't even on the team, people! But, okay, it's sweet, they're all excited. Some boys in the cafeteria pull up their shirts to reveal painted letters on the chest; they line up to spell P-A-N-T-H-E-R-S for the camera crews that are set up in there. I'm hoping they heard about the TV thing before Tami announced it and don't just wake up every morning and paint a big "P" on their chests.
Rodeo. Tyra takes pictures of Cash with fans, they saunter over to check "the board" and find out what horse he'll be riding. He's psyched, it's apparently a good one, one that "means money." A little kid comes over and wants an autograph, and Cash saccharinely obliges. Meanwhile, Tyra is shoveling it all in with a fork. , they wander over to a table where a girl named Brooke is selling cowboy hats. Brooke wonders what Tyra's doing without a cowboy hat, and waves Tyra behind her table to come look at some. Cash leaves them to have some girl time. While Brooke chatters at Tyra about what a catch Cash is, Cash gets immediately embroiled in some tawdry finger pointing and cowboy-shirt-collar grabbing with a circle of guys outside the tent. The guys are clearly demanding money, Cash is saying he'll pay them back. Tyra keeps nervously glancing over there at him, while Brooke natters. Cash ain't got any cash, get it? What I'm getting is that Cash is totally Ray "Only One 'T' Cuz My Momma Couldn't Afford Two" Pruit from . Which makes Tyra the Donna Martin, which, actually, and unfortunately, sort of fits.
Cafeteria. Julie is sitting with Landry, when two girls march up and demand Landry tell them where Tyra is. Landry doesn't know, they tell him she's been missing for a week, and they need to pick a theme for the dance that's coming up. Oh, right, Tyra is president of the student council. They instruct Landry to tell Tyra to call them. "Otherwise, we're going to pick a theme without her." They leave and Julie snarks, "They're gonna pick a theme without her!" Landry asks Julie if she's seen Tyra. When Julie responds that she thinks Tyra said her aunt was sick, Landry realizes that something's up, because the only thing Tyra's aunt is ever sick with is being pumped full of Tyra's lies.
Tim and Lyla are leaving school together when a guy comes up to them and introduces himself as "Scotty Sims, San Antonio State." Tim shakes his hand, and the guy launches right into his pitch about recruiting Tim to play for them. Tim stutters some excuses, the guy says it's all totally fine. Scotty tells him that, like he's said in his letter to Tim, they're graduating their whole backfield in June, and they think Tim would be a great fit. Scotty proposes Tim come by the Marriott to talk some things over with him tomorrow night. Lyla has been looking on with sparkling eyes, but when Tim sort of morosely mutters that tomorrow night isn't so good, his truck is in the shop, Lyla furrows her brow, and then swoops in and declares that she'll give him a ride. They shake on it, and Lyla is beaming, while Tim just looks sort of perplexed.
Coach walks down the school hallway, and opens the door to a classroom, asking the teacher if he can see Julie for a second. Julie comes out looking concerned, a look that quickly evolves into horror when Coach tells her that he's gotten a hotel room for him and Tami after the game on Friday, some champagne, some flowers, some chocolate... Julie jumps in and tells him to just stop the description right there. She must sense that perhaps "massage oil" was somewhere on that list he was rattling off. He tells her that he needs her to put together an overnight bag for her mom and watch Gracie that night. Julie says that's fine, but then tells Coach that she's pretty sure mom didn't want any birthday celebration at all. Coach tells Julie, "That's her problem" and makes his daughter laugh. She turns to go back to class and Coach tells her to get back to Shakespeare; Julie whispers, "Dad, it's math class!" Well, then, Coach tells her to say hello to Mr. Newton. Julie rolls her eyes, "Dad, it's NOT Mr. Newton...." Oh, these two. What a horror but also what a joy to have your dad in school all day with you.
Rodeo. Tyra stands on the sidelines "wooing' and cheering Cash on. His horse launches out of the gate, he rides it for a while and then waits for his score. He hears it, and stalks out of the ring; Tyra is all chipper and tells him how great he just was, but he just screams at her about how second place isn't good enough at all. He walks right past her, and leaves her there in her stupid cowboy hat looking all confused and totally not bad ass at all.
Matt is lying on the couch, eating a hamburger. His mother is in the kitchen, and wonders whether he shouldn't eat his burger in the kitchen. Matt says that he should at least get a plate, he just was too tired to. Grandma is in her chair and she scolds Shelby, telling her that this is her house, and she says Matt can eat wherever he wants. Matt tries to make peace, saying that he really should get a plate, "This is just dirty." His mom hands him a plate, and Grandma demands, "When are you leaving?" Everyone is taken a bit aback, but Grandma wants to know how much longer she's planning on hanging around. Shelby says that since Grandma has brought it up... Matt jumps in trying to stop Shelby from saying whatever she's going to say, but the train is leaving. Shelby tells Grandma that she and Matt have discussed that if he goes to college, Shelby will stay in Dillon and take care of Grandma. Grandma is pissed that they've been talking about her in her own house. She gets excited and says that this is a terrible idea, Matthew isn't going anywhere. Shelby gets mad and tells her that she's being selfish, and can't expect Matt to stay there forever. Grandma thinks that's rich, Shelby talking about someone being selfish. Grandma narrows her eyes and tells Shelby, "You know what? You're the devil." Whoa, Grandma! She continues, saying that she knew the first day she met Shelby; and she ruined Matt's father, and would have ruined Matt, too, if Grandma hadn't been there. Shelby tells her that's a horrible thing to say, and Matt tries to go to his grandmother, who pops out of her chair and shouts that they both should stay away from her. She looks at Matt and tells him that he can get rid of her if he wants, "But don't leave me with her." Matt just quietly says, "Grandma...." and then tells Shelby that she can't listen to Grandma when she's like this.
Commercials. Julie and Matt are at Matt's locker, Julie is chattering and then realizing that Matt isn't really listening. Matt mutters that it's just that his shoulder really hurts, and that he's half hoping that they lose on Friday so that her dad will stop beating up on him on the field. Julie's like "you know what he's doing, right" and then tells Matt that her father is just trying to motivate him. "It's like basic psychology. He probably read it in a book." I sort of love seeing how well Julie knows her parents, even if she does most often put that knowledge to evil teen use. Landry walks up, beaming and elated over getting asked to do an interview that will air before the game on Friday. He's been picked as "scholar athlete." Matt, as always, is very "wah, wah, wah, waaah" about it; Landry wanders back off talking about going to rehearse to figure out what in the WORLD he'll talk about in his interview. Matt rolls his eyes and tells Julie he has to get to class. Is it just me or does Zach Gilford have the bone structure of fucking Michelangelo's David?
Lyla is sitting in her car outside the Playgirl Ranch laying on the horn and shouting for Tim. Inside, Tim and Billy are taking shots of tequila; Billy telling his brother that he was going to name his first born after Tim. Even if it was a girl. Tim hisses and sucks in air after taking the shot, that one didn't sit right, and instructs Billy to "Beer me right now." Lyla walks in and the boys look caught. Tim says that he's just tending to Billy and his broken heart, and that he lost track of time. When Lyla gets real close in to his face to intone that he has an appointment in fifteen minutes, all of America is like "Mmmm, appointment. Yes. Sexy talk." Tim tells her that when she leans in so close like that, well, "we should just go have a shower right now." Lyla gets exasperated that Tim is drinking, and Tim, running some water and splashing his face, tells her to cram it, all he had was a shot and a beer. He tells himself to get his game face on and heads out to the car. Billy lurches toward Lyla and this thirty seconds is some excellent drunk acting by Derek Philips -- his eyes are simultaneously dead and threatening to cross as he semi-slurs that he was going to tell Tim to get ready for his appointment. Lyla cuts him off with a sharp, "Well done, Billy." She tells him he's a mess and walks out the door, tossing behind her, "Sorry about Mindy, too, Billy."
In the car, Lyla goes over some school trivia -- history and academics -- that Tim might want to bring up during the meeting. Tim thinks that they'll only be talking football, and that it isn't really a job interview. Lyla's like, "Actually, that's exactly what it is." Which is so true, and not something this show ever really addresses. That these boys trying to get into college through football are applying for jobs, they will be employed by the university they go to. It's all fairly problematic. Lyla tells Tim that she knows what he's doing, with the avoiding of the meetings and the drinking. "You're afraid." She thinks he's afraid of failing. But Tim tells her that what he's really afraid of, is that if it does work out, then he has to go college. Lyla earnestly tells him that he has a shot of being the first Riggins to go to college. Tim chuckles and Lyla gets pissed: "Are you laughing at me?!" Tim tells her that, yeah, "kinda sorta" and then explains that these meetings are crap, all empty promises. It's a waste of time. Lyla pulls the car over and says she feels stupid that she ever thought Tim would take any of this seriously. Tim has a goofy grin plastered on his face, joking that he's just doing some "research" for his interview. Lyla tells him to get out of her car. The camera zooms in on Tim's goofy grin, and "goofy" quickly turns into "pathetic" in the face of Lyla's real anger. She insists, he gets out, moaning about not having a coat and how if he gets sick and misses a game, well, then... But Lyla isn't taking his shit any longer. She drives off, leaving him standing there. On his two long, long legs. He talks to himself, "No, seriously, it's cold!"
Tyra and Cash are in a tiny, claustrophobic motel room. Cash is pacing around with a bottle of Jack Daniels. Tyra doesn't understand why he's so upset, suggests they go out to get something to eat. He doesn't wanna, and Tyra snaps and tells him he's acting like a little baby. She shouts that the two grand he just won is a lot of money, but Cash yells back that it's not enough. He tells her that he owes some guys a lot of money. He's all clammy and dark around the eyes as he tells her that this is the real world, not high school. Tyra narrows her eyes, and gets pissed at being talked at like that. She leaves, Cash still in the room pacing and whining and sweating strangely.
Locker room. Landry chatters nervously while a make-up artist works on his face. The interviewer is going over some points with him, mainly about his GPA, and the physics club (Landry has to once again explain that the physics club doesn't really exist anymore because there were only two of them, and also a physics club in Dillon, Texas would indeed do something to the space/time continuum, I think). His phone rings and he asks to take it really quick. It's Tyra, she's sitting outside at a patio table under an umbrella in front of the sleazy motel they're staying in. It's raining. Landry tells her about the interview, and she laughs. She tells him she's in Dallas with Cash, then pauses and tells him that it's raining there, her voice full. Landry asks if everything is alright and she says that it is, she just wanted to hear a familiar voice. Landry always knows what to say, and this time, it's to just say that April Keenan is frantically searching for Tyra to finally pin down a theme for the fall dance. Tyra laughs and starts to look a little normal for a minute, but when she can hear the folks calling Landry over for the interview, she tells him he needs to go. He's worried about her, but they get off the phone, Landry going off to do something fun and high schooly, Tyra stuck outside a flea bag, living the sad, life of disappointed adulthood.
Commercials. Lyla's outside a convenience store putting windshield wiper fluid in her car. Mindy comes out and greets her, "Hey, Garrity." Lyla tells Mindy she's sorry about her and Billy, and then asks what happened. Mindy tells her, "Uh, he's a dumbass?" And then explains that Billy wanted her to quit working, which didn't seem so hot an idea to her, given that he hasn't held a job for more than a month the entire time she's known him. Lyla quips that thinking about the future for the Riggins boys is thinking about what kind of beer they want. This wins Mindy over a bit, and she asks Lyla if there's trouble in paradise for her and Tim; Lyla tells her that yes, there, is, that she and Tim are in a fight. Mindy's like, "So you're not going to the game?" When Lyla confirms, Mindy asks if she feels like hanging out. Lyla surprises herself by saying sure. This promises to be rich, so I will put out of my mind the fact that if either of these girls had actual girlfriends, they would be hanging out with them, bitching about the Riggins, rather than making plans with each other.
Cut to some playoff bracket graphics presumably being aired on national television, with "television" voice over (oh, how much these TV announcers pale in comparison with Slammin' Sammy!). Then cut to the field, and general game night pageantry. The game starts, the Panthers are scrambling. Slammin' Sammy voice-overs that it appears national coverage has the Panthers dazed and confused. The offense just can't get it together. Arnett Mead runs for a touchdown, and play after play, the receivers are fucking up. Finally Coach calls for the ball to go to Riggins. He runs the ball, in two subsequent plays, and gets the Panthers close enough to kick for 3, which they do. Slammin Sammy exposits that the Panther aerial game has been completely MIA tonight.
Cut inside the locker room, all the assistant coaches are giving various players shit for stinking up the scene. Finally, Coach comes in to put the fear of God in them. He looks at them quietly, and then speaks quietly, asking the boys if they want to end this season tonight. He tells them they've got to get their heads in the game; the offense has got to execute, or he guarantees their season ends tonight. "Understood?" They murmur, "Yes, sir" but Coach CAN'T HEAR THEM! "YES sir." He still can't hear them! "YES SIR!!!" and they jump up shouting and jostling back out of the locker room. The players are a swift stream going one way, but an artfully placed camera -- high up and sort of secreted away -- catches Coach with his arm around Matt's shoulders, leading him in the opposite direction. Oh, that is beautiful.
Grandma Saracen is home, watching the game on television in her bedroom. Shelby is in the living room watching the same game. They both squeal when they see what happens , Matt Saracen running onto the field, the announcers marveling that he seems to be going in as a receiver. Grandma comes running out of the bedroom, and they both immediately agree they need to get to the field. Get the blanket! What about tickets? Oh, no need for tickets, Jerry's in Grandma's Sunday School class, he'll let them in. Shelby grabs Grandma's jacket and tries to help her into it, and Grandma just about lets her do it, until, "Hold on there a minute! I'm not an invalid! Heavens to Betsy!"
Back at the field, the game is in the third quarter. Grandma and Shelby file into the stands. On the field, Matt is taking big hits, but he holds onto the ball "like he's holdin' onto his wallet." Riggins has the ball, heading for the endzone, and Matt comes in from the side to make a huge block, Riggins sauntering into the endzone. Announcer voice over that Matt Saracen is making the difference in the second half. It's late in the fourth quarter, the Panthers are ahead, but they need a fourth down to keep the ball right now. Tim busts through about six guys hanging onto him, and makes the down. Coach is on the sidelines looking a bit concerned; the Panthers are out of field goal range, but they need to get another first down or else Arnett Mead gets the ball in great field position. Or at least that's what the announcers are telling me is going on. I'm too busy looking at Coach's hair, which is very much "Let's go for it!" right now. And, that's exactly what Coach says now, to the assistant coach, "Let's go for it." Wade thinks it's risky, but Coach calls it: "Slide right, 44 flyer." Tim exposits, "That's you, Seven." And then they're back out on the field, the game hangs in the balance. The snap, Saracen catches it, he stays on his feet during one attempted tackle, and runs a few feet before being brought down. He stretches out as he falls, and the announcers aren't sure if he made the down. Everyone gets up, looking at the referee who slowly makes the motion: first down! Slammin' Sammy: Panthers win! Panthers win! They run down the clock, the fans counting down for them, and they take the win, 10-7. Wade tells Coach it was a good call, and Coach says for nobody's benefit but our own -- "There ya go, baby. There ya go." -- and it is HOT because Coach speaking Coach Speak just hits the spot every time. Matt sees Shelby and Grandma there together; they hug him and praise him, and he marvels that they came together.
This is a weird episode, like they pieced together storylines from various other episodes. The whole "Game of the Week" schtick ends here; so the narrative about the business of high school football gets dropped, and we get no more on Landry's comic-relief scholar-athlete interview. Obviously, this is all to make way for the Tyra/Cash storyline, which I think takes too big a chunk out of this week's story, but again is one of those "painted into a narrative corner" things, like Jason Street's arc. We have to get rid of Cash somehow, I guess.
So, meanwhile, in Sigh town (as in, "Cash and Tyra again? Sigh."), Tyra sits at a table alone while Cash plays cards with a couple of cowboys. Cash loses the hand, and asks if they can spot him, and they say no. Cash gets pissed, saying they know he's good for it, but they refuse. Tyra eavesdrops, looking horrified. Cash jumps up and says he's going to get some cash. He walks by Tyra and she pops up, wanting to leave, but Cash takes her by her shoulders and forces her back into her chair. He tells her to sit down in that chair until he gets back. The horror on Tyra's face has turned into fear and confusion, Cash leaves and Tyra looks around her and notices that there isn't another woman in the place. She's getting leered at by various forty-year-old scumbags; she gets up gingerly and leaves. We cut outside to find her standing in front of the cinderblock bar, biting her lip to fight back the tears, and, oh, just sigh.
Commercials. Coach steers Tami out into the school parking lot. Tami wonders why he's not staying to get interviewed on TV, but he opens the passenger door to the truck and just tells her to get in. She says that if he's NOT bringing her to a party, that would be the best birthday present ever. That, and, getting a clicker to open the car doors. Except for then you don't get Coach opening your car door like a MAN who knows all about MAN THINGS.
Tim saunters out of the locker room shooting the shit with some friends and runs into Scotty Sims again. Tim apologizes about not making it to the hotel the other night, but Sims just smoothes it all over. He tells Tim that Coach Powers called him again today to say that Tim is San Antonio State's number one priority right now. And Tim, oh, and Tim -- his eyes brighten so sweetly as he asks "Really?" Scotty Sims suggests that Tim just let him buy him a pop (isn't it "a coke" in the South?) to keep him from losing his job. Tim agrees.
In the hotel, Tami is elated, exclaiming about the champagne and the chocolates, and the -- GASP! -- the hotel robes. She chuckles over how much she loves hotel robes, and Eric looks at her and kind of growls, "We can steal 'em!" His intonation is a bit "talking to the family dog" but whatever. They clink wine glasses and Coach wishes his wife a happy birthday. She leans in and they start making out and Tami suggests that maybe they take a shower, wash some of the game dirt off Coach. Whoa. Just, whoa. We are saved from ourselves and our own game-dirty minds when Tami's cell phone rings. She just wants to get it in case it's Jules; but she takes a look and sees that it's Tyra calling. She answers and we cut over to Tyra in that sleazy motel, crying and apologizing for calling but saying that she's in a little bit of trouble. Tyra pleads with Tami to not be mad; Tami, meanwhile has flipped the switch from sexy wife to caretaker, she tells Tami she isn't going to be mad, Tyra just needs to tell her what's wrong. Tyra explains that she's in Dallas, that Cash has left and she doesn't know where he is, and she has no money, and her mom is out of town and she can't get hold of Mindy. Coach, in the background, mutters that he doesn't like the look on Tami's face. Tami asks Tyra what she needs from her and Tyra sobs, "I need you to come get me." Tami allows herself one brief moment of eye-rolling exasperation, but quickly says she'll do it. She gets the location -- an Econolodge in Dallas (oof) -- and then tells Tyra to lock the door and stay put. Coach is leaning against a door frame, his hair still all akimbo, making a last ditch effor t-- "We have time to take a shower?" Tami laughs in resignation, leans in and kisses him and just says "Oh, hunny." She grabs the champagne, the chocolate, Coach mutters about getting some coffee, and they are out the door.
Over at the Collette house, Mindy and Lyla are hanging out, already in the raised-volume, over-enunciative stage of tipsiness. Ole Sis is getting some snacks together and talking about an article she read in Cosmo about bad dating habits. Lyla's on the couch, saying she read the article, too. Ole Sis says that Billy was like ten for ten on the "toxic warning signs" -- "'Does he put his happiness before yours?' Uh, check." Oh, Mindy, you are really winning me over here. The actress, Stacey Oristano, has the weirdest delivery in the universe; for a long time the delivery didn't seem to have anything to do with the character, but it's totally coming together now. So Lyla sits up and takes a huge gulp of beer out of her plastic cup and slurs "Mmmm, I think that's a great idea" to something Ole Sis has said. Ole Sis, sitting on the couch, busts out laughing at how drunk Lyla suddenly is. Lyla says that she has wasted too much time on Tim Ri-ig-gins, and she needs to focus on herself now. I mean, she's going to Vanderbilt year. Ole Sis is like "Shut up!" and Lyla explains that she isn't in Vanderbilt yet but she's going to be. Ole Sis says she doesn't know what Vanderbilt even is, but it sounds fancy-pants, then gets up saying she's got a present for Lyla. She grabs a bottle of vodka out of the fridge while Lyla dork-drunkenly bobs her head and shouts, "I like this SONG!" Ole Sis says this is her mom's favorite "man hater breakup music." Lyla furrows her brow and says that it makes her want to DANCE! And thus we find ourselves in a wonderful, wonderful place: Katy Perry's "Hot 'n' Cold" playing, Lyla Garrity taking a shot with Ole Sis Collette.
Cut to a different song, Lyla and Ole Sis standing in the middle of the living room dancing. Lyla shouts that she LOVES THIS!!! Lyla and I are sisters in drunken loud talking. Seriously, that is one of the bedrock characteristics of my personality. Ole Sis is dancing with the bottle of vodka in her hand, seeming to hold her liquor a bit better than Lyla. She makes robot arms in front of her and asks, "You know what this is? This is an anti-Riggins force field." Lyla doubles over and Ole Sis keeps going, "There ain't no Billy in my chili" and Lyla cutely drunk-repeats the one-liner. Then Lyla asks Ole Sis what move she was doing earlier. I have never wanted to be air-dropped into a scene more than I want to be air-dropped into this one. Ole Sis begins demonstrating some fairly whack move (seriously couldn't come up with something better? You're a STRIPPER!), when we cut outside to Billy pulling up in his truck. Inside, Lyla's stripped off her plaid button-down so she's just in her tank top and Ole Sis is trying to get her to "shake it! shake it!" Billy knocks on the front window and Ole Sis jumps to go turn the music down. Lyla pleads, "No! No!" and then screams at Billy to go away, "Nobody likes you!" Lyla turns to Ole Sis and reminds her that it's a Riggins brother out there, but Mindy is listening to Billy outside, saying he's sorry, saying she can go back to her job, he loves her. Mindy sort of takes a breath and runs outside against Lyla's protestations and jumps on Billy, wrapping her legs around his waist. Classy! Lyla is sad, and I am sad because I want to do whatever Lyla does and that's the truth, shut up.
Tami and Coach have taken the party on the road, because no matter how fast they drive, they can't outrun their own awesomeness. They are cutely arguing about music, Tami is holding a Solo cup to her lips, so is clearly sloshing back some champagne during the drive to Dallas. They pull up to the motel and our good times turn to sighs. Sigh. Cash and Tyra again. Cash is as clammy as a scallop Jaime wants to cook, getting all up in Tyra's face as she tries to gather her stuff to go. They're screaming at each other and Cash is getting all handsy, but Tyra slips past him screaming "Help me!" Coach has jumped out of the truck and intercepts Cash, who yells "Who are you?" at him. But Coach just keeps an even keel, telling Cash to calm down. Tyra gets in the car, Cash is shouting "I'm sorry" at her over and over, Coach gets in the car and they drive off, leaving Cash shit kicking around the parking lot. See ya, Cash!
Commercials. Tyra and Tami sit silently in the car parked out front of a restaurant. Tami asks Tyra if she's okay and Tyra murmurs, "Yes, ma'am." Tyra thanks Tami, who sits in the front seat staring straight ahead, obviously at her wit's end with this girl.
Matt is in his room doing homework. His mom walks in and gives him a Guide to Colleges, saying that she did some research and most colleges have a January 15 deadline for applications. She tells him that there's time, he can get his materials in on time. Matt mutters about not being able to go because of Grandma. Shelby says they can work something out. Then Matt wonders about paying for college. Shelby deadpans that they can rob a bank. She'll drive the car, Matt goes in, Grandma can cover the door. I think I've seen this movie. Doesn't it have Danny DeVito in it? Matt chuckles and Shelby reminds him that there are scholarships for children of people in the military, they just need to get the ball rolling. Shelby points out a school in San Francisco with a great fine art department, and I immediately think: SPIN OFF!! Can I play the professor?
Buddy is in his recliner watching football when Lyla slumps out of her room, bleary eyed and hungover. Buddy makes a joke, "Oh! It's alive" as she shuffles into the kitchen. She mutters that he doesn't have to yell, but Buddy just barrels over the ridges of her hangover, "It's already beer thirty in here, whaddya doin' sleepin' so late?" There's a knock at the door and Buddy's on a roll: "Huh, now let's see. It's not your mother, and I don't have any friends. Who could that be?" Lyla goes to the door and finds Tim. She walks out to talk with him on the exterior stairs of the apartment building. He's grinning and asking if she wants to come outside and play. Lyla isn't amused. Tim abruptly says: "I got in." He explains that he's in college, college in, goin' to college. Lyla starts coming around the more he excitedly talks, but she's not all the way there. But this is bush league for Tim; he charms about how she was right and he was wrong, and then apologizes: 1) I'm sorry 2) I mean it, I'm really sorry 3) Thank you and 4) I wanna celebrate with you and only you 5) Say yes. Lyla finally breaks into a smile, "Did you really get in?" Tim moves in and keeps thanking her, telling her that he couldn't have done it without her, and just as he's about to kiss her, his face goes surprised and he says, "Oh, wow." Lyla is quizzical for a second, and then Tim jokes, "You on a bender right now? I almost got a buzz off you!" Lyla buries her face in her hands and laughs, Tim keeps joking about how he isn't sure if it's safe to drive right now, and for him that's saying a lot. The entire effect is just seriously incapacitatingly awesome and familiar, but BETTER because it is Tim Riggins and Lyla Garrity and not me and my husband joking about someone smelling like a brewery the morning after. The camera pulls away, and we end on Tim sort of enveloping Lyla in his whole body, leaning over her and telling her that he's on board. On board, indeed.