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Tim Riggins leads the seniors in making the freshman run the "Naked Mile." It's not quite as naked as some viewers would prefer, but this is network television and actual freshmen are 14/15 years old, you perverts. Tim tells J.D. that he has to run two naked miles and Coach Taylor happens to be a witness, but he promises to not tell J.D.'s dad. Later, at practice, J.D. has problems and the other team members tease him about being naked and such. Coach takes Tim aside and tells him that it's up to him, as captain of the team, to get the other players to respect J.D. Tim takes J.D. for a tour of Dillon as a way to bond. It works and the Panthers beat Westerby. Tim tries to take J.D. out with the other players to make some "memories," but his daddy makes him go to Applebee's with his mom instead. At The Dillon Dance that weekend, Riggins and Lyla take J.D. to an off-campus party, where, due to non-Riggins-related peer pressure, J.D. gets really drunk. The day, at church, J.D.'s dad makes J.D. apologize to Coach for being drunk. Coach seems more disturbed by the father than drunk J.D.
Jason Street, you're better off. Erin leaves with their baby, Noah, though she assures him that she'll return once he's gotten the hefty "cushion" he expects from flipping Buddy Garrity's house. He's wrong. Billy is no Nate Berkus. He's a loose cannon when it comes to renovations, buying expensive toilets with bidets and whatnot and even staple guns his hand. Coach visits the house, which is in shambles by this point, and Jason freaks out and says that he has made the worst mistake of his life and is afraid he's going to be a deadbeat dad. Coach tells him to chill-- he's made a plan and is trying to execute it, so there's no sense in beating himself up. He also apparently helps Jason get the renovations on track. Jason sings to Noah on the phone, while Erin is on the side of the road during her trip to her parents' place. Something seems weird about the length of time it is taking for her to make the trip.
Cash gives money to Tyra so she can apply to multiple colleges, including the University of San Francisco. Her mother tells her that she needs to hold on to a man like Cash, what with him taking care of her all soon in the relationship and all. That night, a woman with a small child shows up at her house looking for the $1600 in back child support that Cash owes her. Yay college! Tyra breaks up with him.
Tami has to chaperone The Dillon Dance and can't get Julie or Coach to go with her. She does talk to Tyra though and has to convince her that she's not gloating about being right about Cash. Later, Cash tells Tyra that the woman, Ali, is someone he hooked up with once five years ago who says that her two-year old is his. She crazy. Tyra believes him. Fishy.
Matt and Julie go to the lake where she counsels him about losing QB1 by comparing it to not being asked back to baby sit for a kid when she was 12. They were also cute and flirty. And, they spend the night together by the lake. It's totally sweet. Also sweet -- Matt and Julie stealing glances at each other in church the day.
Landry has creative differences with the bassist in his band and dismisses him. This sweet girl Devin auditions to be the new bass player and proves to be a pretty mean vocalist as well. She tells him that all of his songs sound like they're about one girl (Tyra) and he needs to get over her.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Hi folks, Jeff here, sitting in for the awesome Drunken Bee. Let's get to business. Tim Riggins is talking to the freshmen football players from the back of his pick-up. He thanks them for taking time out of their "busy schedules" (aka Watching This Old House with their folks) to partake in a little Panther tradition. Billy says that they've all been there and the guys will look back one day and see that there is a purpose to this ritual. This sounds exciting. It's The Naked Mile. The seniors cheer. Charles says that he'd always thought The Naked Mile was a myth. Another Senior says that he personally wishes that it were a myth, because that means he wouldn't have to see Charles's fat ass running naked. He kids. The freshmen are beseeched to remove their garments, except for their shoes. That's considerate of them. A stubbed toe would really make this night go downhill quickly.
The senior approaches naked J.D. and tells him that the rest of the freshmen are running to the water tower, but he, or "Superstar" as he is called, will be running to the field house. The senior says it's because J.D. is the quarterback and has to run "that extra mile." Naked. And, they're off. The freshmen start running their naked mile together, while J.D. runs his longer course alone. The camera stays with J.D., who is really booking it. Naked and cleverly shadowed in Janet Jackson territory. This isn't HBO, it's TV.
J.D. has made it to the field house and is walking past Coach's office, when he realizes that it is occupied. With Coach, who is listening to some old school country on the radio. J.D. tries to retreat into the shadows undetected, but Coach has already seen him. J.D. grabs a team photo for coverage and tries to sneak past Coach's office, but he tells him to come in. "Where the hell are your pants?" he asks. If I had a dollar for every time I've been asked that, I could be a one-man stimulus package. J.D. starts to explain that tonight was the, um, night of the, um... Coach cuts him off. "The Naked Mile? You fell for The Naked Mile?" Well, in his defense, the entire freshmen crew fell for The Naked Mile. But what's there to fall for really? It's not like they were promised that running naked would bring riches and eternal youth. They run naked to gain the respect of the upperclassmen. Grown ups do NOT get it. Coach tells him to take "his team" (he means the photo, it took me 6 times of viewing to get that joke -- that's a confession, not a criticism) and get dressed and Coach will take him home. Take that, seniors -- he probably ran half the race AND he gets a ride home. Of course, he doesn't get the respect, which is what the whole thing is about in the first place. Oh well. It is indeed not easy to be J.D. He asks Coach to not tell his father about this episode and Coach says that he wouldn't dream of it.
Jason is saying goodbye to Erin and Noah as she's about to drive away. He seems incredibly sad, but he's trying to stay upbeat. Erin rushes the proceedings and says that she wants to get on the road while Noah is still calm. Yeah, that's much more important that a man saying goodbye to his infant son. She's a winner, this one. She says half-assedly that she wishes she knew how to stay there. Jason jokingly says it's simple -- she just parks the car and stays. Erin takes the baby to his car seat and Jason tells her that she should tell her mother that Noah gets his good looks and manners from him. I'm assuming that since the woman raised Erin, she'll know that without being told. Jason says that he's going to flip the Garrity house, which will provide "them" with a really nice cushion. It will allow them to "just be together." Ouch, that breaks my heart. She looks like she's done -- she says that they will see what happens, then she gives him a tender kiss. Some would say that's a "goodbye forever" kiss. He tells her that she should hit the road, because he doesn't want them driving too late. As she gets into the car, he says "I love you. I love you both." She doesn't respond, just drives away. Wow, that's sad. As they drive off, he waves and hangs his head as he fights off tears. Credits.
It's morning and Coach is feeding the baby. Tami thanks him for making coffee (he's sort of perfect, yes?) and says that she's excited for the school dance that's coming up that weekend. She says that Coach is going to be her "hot husband date." He informs her that it's the principal who is required to be a chaperone at the school dance, not him. Tami explains that it's his role as HUSBAND that requires him to attend. He says that he has "other things" planned, but she says that she'll need his help chaperoning. Most importantly though, she wants him to be her date. As an incentive, Tami says that Julie will be attending the dance. Uh, no she's not, she replies. Tami is stunned. Why doesn't anyone want to go to this dance? You keep that enthusiasm, Tami. Don't let the haters bring you down.
At the McCoy household, the family is sitting down for breakfast. Joe wants to propose a toast to "QB1" and Katie's all excited to join in, but J.D. doesn't participate. He wants to save the toast until after the game. Joe says that it's Westerby and they're going to beat them easily. Katie, apparently believing that breakfast is not the place to ramp up your kid's anxiety level, asks J.D. a more "important" question. Does he think any of the cheerleaders are cute? He still looks nervous. He says that, yeah, he does. In fact, he's proposed to two of them. Nice deadpan there, J.D. Katie laughs and reminds him that he's only allowed to propose to one at a time. Joe says that J.D. is NOT getting serious about any girls right now. Uh, yeah, Katie knows. She says that she was just making a joke as J.D. is rolling his eyes at his dad. Joe keeps it heavy and intones gravely that J.D. has been under a lot of pressure recently (I wonder where that pressure came from?), but has worked hard and shown everyone what he is made of. "For that, I am very, very proud." Seriously, when I was that age, I'd crawl under the table if my dad talked to me like that. J.D. briskly says thanks and stares at his breakfast.
From the exterior of the Saracen home (with the "#7 Saracen" sign on the lawn), we hear Grandma Saracen ranting. She thinks that Coach Taylor must have "lost his natural mind." Matt is QB1 -- he won State! Matt, who is with a silent Landry, just sort of smiles and agrees with her. She tells him that he should simply go to Coach's office and tell him that he made a mistake making him second string, a mistake that it's not too late to correct. I'm going to start trying that, you know, with just stuff. "You raised my rent, but that was a mistake. And, it's not too late to correct it!" She says, "You wait 'til I deal with it." Matt and Landry say goodbye as Grandma goes apoplectic and shouts, "He thinks he knows football!" That lady is awesome.
At Buddy Garrity's house, Jason and the crew are ready to get started. Tim Riggins has joined them. When asked how he got out of school, he says that he told them he was pregnant. Jason pulls out a project list and Herc starts riding him for being bossy. Billy Riggins takes a look at the list and asks why he and the non-wheelchair bound people have to take on the upstairs projects. Good for him for having challenge blindness or whatever you want to call it, but what an idiot. Jason says that he's going to forget that he even said that. He adds that he thinks that the bathrooms would be a good place to begin. They'll need a sledgehammer, so he asks Billy if he could pick one up. Easy enough, right? No. Billy stomps off all annoyed because he doesn't like to be told what to do. Herc takes that as confirmation that Jason is a bossy britches. Tim just says, "That was abrupt." This is going to be difficult.
Landry is playing music in a garage with his band. It's not going well. He sings, "Karma stole my heart and soul. Left me here-." It falls apart and they stop playing. Kaster asks what the song is about. Landry says that it's about a lot of things and is hard to explain. Jimmy, the drummer, says that the song is really slow. Well, Landry says, not all of their songs can be really fast. Then, as if it were common knowledge, he tells Jimmy that he's not very good. Kaster jumps in and says that not everything is the fault of the drummer -- just as the drummer is leaving. Jimmy's out of there. Landry says that he will see him tomorrow, but I don't know. Kaster takes off too. He says that he really wanted this band to be bigger than Crimson Thorn was. Dear Lord. Well, Landry says that he retains the rights to use their current name, Crucifictorious. Wow. He repeats that he'll see Jimmy the day, but Jimmy's all "Hell no." We'll see. Landry is deaf to criticism.
Tyra is at work and Cash is visiting her. He suggests she take off from work early and visit him at the pool hall. He's foxy. She says that she can't -- she has to help with decorations for the school dance. Plus, she needs the extra income as it's college application time and the fees are like $150 apiece. Jesus! They were like $45 when I was applying. That's effing expensive. Cash reaches into his pocket and pulls out a wad of cash. He tells her that he's just making sure his girl gets to go to the college she wants. She refuses at first, but he convinces her to take the money. Then, off-handedly, she asks him if he has any interest in attending the dance with her. He doesn't, but he would like to pick her up from the dance.
The Panthers are practicing. J.D. doesn't connect with his receiver on a pass and Coach tells him to plant his feet. Then, the other players call J.D. "Naked Gun" and "QB Buns." It looks like Coach hears them too. He tries to give J.D. some further instruction, but the jeering from the other players kind of drowns everything out.
Later, Coach has called Tim into his office. He wants to talk about The Naked Mile. Tim explains that it is a Panther tradition. Well, Coach reminds him that there's a big game coming up and the team needs to be focused -- the Team Captain should know that. I thought J.D.'s dad said that Westerby was an easy win? Never mind. Coach says further that J.D. is a young quarterback who needs to know that his team is behind him. Tim says that they are, "especially" (or, only) on the field. Does J.D. know that? "Yes," answers Tim. Hmm. He's lying to Coach or himself there. The team respects Tim, so if Tim accepts J.D., the team will follow suit. Coach says that he needs that -- he needs Tim to fix this. Tim says that he doesn't understand what Coach means by that. Coach says that Tim is a senior and will not be wearing the Panther uniform much longer -- he should think about what that means. Now he gets it, or he says he does. Then, he leaves without another word. And Coach Taylor sits there in virtual darkness. Is he conserving energy? It is freaking dark in his office.
Later, Tim is waiting for J.D. in his pick-up when he leaves practice. He tells J.D. that he's going to give him a ride and J.D. sort of begs off, saying that he was going to get on the bus. "Get in the truck, One-Two." So, he does, throwing his bag in the bed before getting in the cab. Tim asks J.D. if he's had a tour of Dillon. He has. "Not my Dillon, my friend. Let's go." This is gonna be good. They leave as the marching band is rehearsing on the field. Not to be a total geek, but, the school year has begun, yes? My days as an alto saxophonist help me recall that you rarely have nighttime rehearsals, especially after the school year has begun. You've already done it a million times by then-- if it's not muscle memory by that point, it's hopeless. But, for argument's sake, I guess they could be preparing for some sort of competition. I feel like a dork and that someone is about to give me a wedgie.
As they're driving, J.D. asks where they're going. Tim tells him to look out the window for a place he needs to remember. It's The Landing Strip. He says that his brother's future wife works there and probably will for the rest of her life. That place really exists, ya'll. It's on the north(?) side of Austin, near Round Rock, I think. It is ROUGH. Tim says with much authority, "You are not ready for that, son. And when you are, you will know." That's sexy. I wonder if Tim Riggins will ever know less about things like that. I mean, will he ever meet someone who's like Tim Riggins to him. I somehow doubt it. Further down the road, they pass Fran's Hamburgers -- home of the best burger in town. Fran's also has the "best fans in all of high school football. Home of the real rally girls, and I hope you know what that means." I don't, but I feel like I do now that he's told me that I should. Girls scream at Tim as he honks and waves as they drive by. They pass a place named Smitty's. It's a dive bar where they know Tim as "Toby, 2-time Iraq Veteran." That's amazing. He says that J.D. should go there if he ever wants to get away from anyone or anything. Then, he points at a side street and says that "Lisa" lives there. J.D. is about to say that he doesn't know who Lisa is when Tim cuts him off. "You will. You will. She's good times." Jesus, that's so wrong, yet kinda perfect. I think Lisa was in my Driver's Ed class. J.D. looks longingly down the street as they pass, the world opening up to him like a magnificent vagina.
The tour completed, Tim drops J.D. off at his ridiculous Texas McMansion with a "McCoy #12" sign in the front yard. J.D. is lighter -- he has had a good time. He says that this was fun and gets out of the truck. Before he goes inside, he asks Tim if Coach put him up to this, to which he answers, "No." He seems to believe him and goes inside.
, we have a scene from Cinderella or something equally archaic. Mindy is trying on a dress with Angela and Tyra present. Tyra has her head buried in a book and doesn't at first see the ridiculous dress that Mindy is wearing. It's the frou-frou white number that is super low in the back. With wings. Yes, wings. Angela is going crazy over her "little girl" and how beautiful she thinks it is. Suddenly, Tyra looks up and sees the dress. She tries to gently tell Mindy that her ass crack is visible. Angela's response? "Just a smidge." Just a smidge of your ass crack is showing. That's amazing. She adds that the dress is subtle and tasteful, which is maybe a little condescending to the character, but also funny. Angela asks Tyra what she's working on -- it's an application for the University of San Francisco. Angela would like to know how Tyra expects to "hold onto that cowboy" when she's all the way in California. She replies that she's not trying to hold onto anything. She adds that Cash is supportive of her, which makes Angela laugh. She explains that Cash gave her money for her applications and Angela perks up. "They don't normally like to take care of you just like that." Is this The Real Housewives of Dillon? She tells Tyra to hold onto "that man." She's speaking from experience. Ew.
Julie and Coach are in the grocery store. Julie stops Eric from getting a burrito. She says that they are disgusting and not really food at all. Killjoy. They bump into Matt and Grandma at the Little Debbie display. Coach is all smiles, but Grandma is having none of it. She thinks that Coach needs to make Matt QB1 and she's going to tell the poor guy why. Gram knows a lot about football. Matt tries to stop her, but she shushes him. This leaves Matt and Julie time to walk away and chat in an awkward young love sort of way. It couldn't make me happier. Julie asks him if he wants to get a cup of coffee, and he replies that they could get lunch -- as Grandma could talk all day about this. Julie asks if his Grandma has taken his demotion hard and he tells her that "demotion" is a little harsh. She smiles and asks him what he'd like her to say and he replies, "I guess 'demotion' is appropriate." He tells her (as we see a shot of their feet being all fidgety and cute teenager) that he's been on the bench a lot at practice, but that gives him more of a chance to talk with Landry, who is always there. This gets a cute little giggle from Julie.
Grandma is finished talking with Coach. She says she wants him to think about what she has said. "It's hard to be mad at ya, Coach Taylor," she says as she gives him a hug and he laughs. She calls after him again to think on what she's said. "Yes, Ma'am."
They're working at Buddy Garrity's place. Jason, who I think has been getting permits, arrives to find Herc knocking down a wall. He screams for Billy. Herc says that he's just "improvising." This is a disaster. Billy wheels in a toilet that Herc calls "the Cadillac of Toilets." It has bidets, which 75% of East Texans have, don't know if you're aware. And, it cost $1700. Jason freaks. He asks Billy what he was thinking and he replies, "You have to spend money to make money." Jason reminds him that they're on a budget and, if they don't stay within that budget, they won't be making any money. Not in this freaking housing market, that's for sure. Jason says that he would have been better off calling his granny and her bridge club to help finishing the house. Heh. He asks Billy if he's even looking at the work list that he made. Yeah, he is, he screams. Why don't we nail the list to the wall? He says that he's sick of being treated like an idiot, especially considering he's worked in construction before. Then, he grabs a nail gun and promptly sends a nail through his hand. Jason is seeing his dreams of a united family crumble. Herc laughs and Tim asks Billy if it hurts. "Shut the hell up and give me some pliers!" he screams.
Tyra is at home making decorations for the dance. We hear a radio announcer say that J.D. will be QB1 at the game that week, which prompts Tyra to change the channel. There's a knock at the door. She opens the door to find a young woman holding a toddler. Things like this never go well. She asks to see Cash, but Tyra tells her that Cash doesn't live there. She says she'd heard that Cash had been hanging around there a lot, but Tyra tells her that she heard wrong. Had she? He may not be living there, but hasn't he hung around a little? Then, the woman just starts calling for Cash. Tyra says that she doesn't know what this is about, but the dude does not live there. "Oh, what a surprise. The pretty girl is out of the loop." She says that Tyra should just tell Cash that he owes Ali and Tucker $1600 in child support. Oh geez. Tyra looks stunned as Ali walks away with the kid.
It's game time. It's the last 20 seconds of the game and the Panthers are winning 31 to 17. Slammin' Sammy says that all the Panthers have to do is "take a knee" (one of my favorite sayings in the world -- ask anyone who knows me, I love to invoke a knee-taking) to win the game, which J.D. does. Slammin' Sammy declares J.D.'s debut as QB1 "unbelievable. This kid lit it up like the 4th of July." The crowd goes wild. Matt stays on the sidelines as the team rushes the field. He looks up to see his Grandma staring sternly. Bless her heart. Slowly, he joins the team. We see another shot of Grandma -- she has been crying.
In the locker room, Tim makes plans to meet some people and says that J.D. will be joining them. They don't believe him, but he grabs J.D. and tells him that it's time for them to go make some memories. That sounds kind of hot. J.D. seems excited to join them, when we hear Joe "Mama Rose" McCoy enter the locker room. He's all, "Where's my boy!" It's pretty gross and scares everyone off. He approaches J.D. and tells him that it was a great game and just generally dominates the area, making Riggins shrink away. Then, he tells J.D. that they and Mom are going to celebrate at Applebee's. That's an oxymoron, right? I hate me some Applebee's, people. With the exception of that lovely Bloomin' Onion contraption or whatever it is. Then, he leads J.D. out as the players and Coach look on silently. Tim has a look of pity and, almost, fear on his face. Is anyone getting a whiff of some Robert Sean Leonard in Dead Poets Society? I hope not, but I'm feeling it.
The week, post-practice, Lyla is waiting for Tim when he gets out. She looks good! Cute little peasant dress and cowboy boots. Lookin' good, Lyla. She wants to check in with him about tonight. No answer. It's the dance! The Dillon dance. He still doesn't register anything, but acts like he knows what she's talking about. She figures he's forgotten about it and tries to crack his act by asking where it is. "C'mon, it's in Dillon." I love this guy. She says that she thinks it would be fun -- something to do before "it's all over." He asks her if she'll be wearing something to the dance that is as cute as what she's wearing right now. She giggles and says, "Maybe." Well, then, he says that he will be going to the dance "with bells on" and they will have the time of their lives. He loves dances, he says. This dude is DANGEROUS. Seriously, he could talk me into letting him perform a kidney transplant on myself. They giggle and hug and kiss.
Jason is at the hardware store ordering some lumber when Coach arrives. They greet each other and Coach says that he has a "Honey-Do List." I don't know if you Yankees know from a Honey-Do List, but it goes like this: you start making a list when your partner is all "Honey, do this" and "Honey, do that." My dad loves to talk about a Honey-Do List. He asks Jason what his list is for and he tells him that he and the Riggins brothers and Herc bought Buddy Garrity's house and are flipping it. He totally puts on a brave face and actually makes it sound like a good idea. They're going to make it more upscale, it's a bad market but they've got a good team, they're working around the clock. Poor Jason. Coach seems totally and rightfully incredulous. Jason invites him to drop by the house some time and, though he's still stunned, he says that he will. Coach walks away like Jason just told him he's starting a hedge fund.
Tyra is at work at Applebee's telling Julie how stupid she feels about the situation with Cash. Julie offers that maybe there is an explanation, but Tyra isn't buying it -- she doesn't think it could be any worse than it is. Julie suggests that Ali being Cash's sister would be a lot worse. It lightens the mood and Tyra giggles and says that sounds like something Landry would say. Suddenly, Julie alerts Tyra to the presence of one Mr. Cash. Then, she smartly walks away. Because she's at work and she can't properly freak out on him, Tyra just snaps that he shouldn't touch her and he should leave. He wants to know what she's talking about, so she blurts out as calmly as she can (which isn't very calm) that a woman came to her house with a baby looking for him. He asks for the opportunity to explain, but she refuses and grabs the tips from her apron and gives it to him and tells him to give it to Ali for child support. She tells him to go and he does as she breaks down in tears. Frankly, she's a pretty enough girl that, if any of her tables saw her crying, it would probably help her tips. Seriously. My parents would totally give her more money. I'd just ask for more honey mustard, but I'm an asshole like that.
It's garage rehearsal time with Landry. He clumsily tries to make things kosher with Jimmy who, as Landry predicted, has come back. He still looks kind of pissed though and hopefully Landry has learned his lesson about lashing out. Heh, I doubt he's learned that. They're auditioning for a new bassist. The first guy just can't do it. He sucks. Landry thanks him, but tells him that it "just didn't feel right." The guy is a hot dog and starts soloing in the middle of his audition. When he's done, Landry asks, "Did you have fun?" He doesn't get the job either. As he's walking away, the auditioner arrives. Her name is Devin and she says that she is in freshman chorus and is trying to expand, music-wise. Hmm. Experience watching television scenes where people interview dates, nannies, and bassists tells me that she'll be the one.
Landry and Jimmy seem a little hesitant about Devin at first, but then they start playing. She picks up very quickly and watches Landry for cues. Then, he starts singing his karma song. He gets a few lines in then drops out. I think he's having guitar issues or something. So, Devin steps in and sings what he'd sung before. Bitch can wail! They finish up and Landry says it was a lot of fun. Jimmy says that she should be in and Landry agrees, but first says that they have all the vocal help that they need. He's a bit of a diva, no?
Jason is at the Garrity house, looking around dejectedly. Coach pays him a visit and just pops his head in the back. Jason greets him with cheer. Coach looks like he's seen a bombsite and rightfully so. The place looks horrible. Jason's a little loopy at this point and says that things are progressing -- they've taken a perfectly livable place and turned it into something that a bum would turn his nose up at. Coach offers that his father used to say that it always looks bad before it gets better, but Jason says he doesn't think it's going to get any better. He says that his wife and child are in a car to Connecticut and he just wanted to be able to support them. He doesn't want to be a deadbeat dad. He just wants to be able to offer something to them.
Coach tells him to hold on a second. He's not going to be a deadbeat dad. He's only 20 -- he's not supposed to know what he's going to do with the rest of his life. He says, forcefully, that Jason is following through with what he thinks is right and that's what he should be doing. He's made a plan and he's executing it. What's wrong with that? He has to give himself a chance though. He's got to give his plan time. He can't beat himself up for taking chances. If he starts giving up on what he set out to do, he'll get nowhere. Coach can promise him that. God, that's what's so good about this show. I went to school in Texas and found the football mania to be a bit crazy at times, but men like this seriously shape people's lives. They're made for it. That's just very inspirational. Usually, to feel that way, I have to listen to Natasha Bedingfield's "Unwritten" 4 times in a row, and here Kyle Chandler does it for me in 25 seconds. That was a great little speech. Someone should get something for it. Jason seems like he's hearing what Coach said, because, honestly, how could he not?
There's a knock at the Taylor door and Julie answers. It's Matt. He points to the black jalopy on the street and says that he borrowed Landry's car. She responds, "And you drove it here...?" Cold. He asks her if she wants to go to the lake. She does! , we see them swimming at the lake. While they're swimming, he asks her if she's ever been fired from anything. She says that, when she was 12, she babysat for the Griffins and they never asked her back. Scandalous. He jokes that it's rough that she's still carrying that with her. He says he never thought he would play professional football, but he thought it might help pay for college. Now, here it is senior year and he's sitting on the bench. "Bottom line, it just sucks," says Julie. He agrees, but finds the silver lining. This is the first Saturday he can remember waking up and not thinking about everything he did wrong the night before. Julie asks him if he's prepared. Prepared for what? Prepared to get his butt whooped by a girl. Then, she splashes him and swims away. So, it's a swimming race? No, they just want to engage in some horseplay.
It's the night of the dance. Tami grabs a Rice Krispie treat from the dish that Tyra is carrying. She loves them. OK, weird thing -- I had this dream a few days ago where Tami had, on her right shoulder, a sleeve of tattoos. I'm assuming the dream was influenced by last week's episode and that girl Megan on this season of American Idol. You know what though? They were really amazingly beautiful tattoos. Just thought I'd share.
Tami tells Tyra that she's done a great job with the decorations and Tyra just brushes the compliment off. Tami says that she thinks that Eric is ditching the dance. Then, Tyra tells her that she broke up with Cash. Tami says that she's sorry, but Tyra says that Tami isn't. She insists that she is sorry -- what she didn't want was for Tyra to get hurt. Tyra isn't buying -- she says she's going home.
Landry and Devin are sitting in the stands of the gym and Devin is looking through Crucifictorious's songbook. That's such a funny phrase. Landry is insecure about the songs and says that they need work. Devin says, gently, that all of the songs seem like they're about one girl. Ouch. He counters that most rock music is about a girl. Point taken. But, she thinks their band could be really great -- which, I guess, means you move on from girls and write about peace and submarines. He agrees that they could be great. So, Devin thinks that he needs to get over the girl. She asks him if she's at the dance. He looks at Tyra and says...no, she isn't. I don't think Devin believes him, but she moves on.
Tim enters with Lyla and says, "Footloose, here we come." He jokes that he loves stuff like this. FYI -- all respect to Tami, but this dance does not look like much fun. There are approximately 18 people there. Tim sees J.D., who is natty in his tie and jacket. J.D. tells him that his mother thought it would be a good idea for him to have a good time. Wow, this guy couldn't ask a girl from school to go with him? Tim asks him if he is actually having that good time that his mother wished for him and he says no. Tim confirms that J.D. knows Lyla (I thought J.D. might pass out, seriously, she's so cute), then asks J.D. if he's going to cut a rug. He isn't. Then, he tries to convince Lyla to go get a beer with him. He says that people who go to dances like this are the people who have regrets later. Um, word of warning, Mr. Riggins -- he who is obsessed with memories and regrets and whatnot is usually the he who regrets a lot of shit down the line. Just saying. Live now. He's living for his 40-year old self. You'd be surprised at what someone who is 40 doesn't know about what it's like to make decisions as an 18-year-old. I just confused myself, but I really think I was onto something there.
Tim says that J.D. is going for a beer with them, but J.D. says he doesn't drink. "There you go, he doesn't drink," says Lyla. I loved girls like that -- she's trying to squash some peer pressure right there. J.D. says his father gave him an article about how alcohol interferes with protein synthesis. Did not make that up. Well then, Tim says J.D. can be the designated driver. J.D. doesn't have a license or a learner's permit. Because freshmen ARE 14 OR 15. That's the only weird thing about this show. That kid seems too old. Anyway, Tim decides that they are going "to make some memories" and J.D. is coming with them. Lyla doesn't seem too into it, but she goes. So does J.D. Who is picking J.D. up from the dance?
They arrive at a party and Tim reminds them to make some memories. This dude and the memories. It's like he's already dead. He gives his keys to Lyla and says "safety first." She tells him to tell her when he and his "date" need a ride home. Ouch. J.D. asks Tim if Lyla is mad at her and he says, "Yes, McCoy. Let's have some fun." Scoundrel.
Tyra is at home when Cash knocks on her door. She's eating some Cheerios and does not have time. She tells him to go to hell and talk to his girlfriend or wife. I wish she'd said sister too. Cash says that Ali isn't his girlfriend or wife, but she won't let him explain. She opens the door and asks him which part of "Go to hell" did he not understand. My one guess would be, since he's at the door, "go." He didn't understand "go." He explains that Ali Darcy and he hooked up 5 years ago. But, she was wacky (those girls, there's always SOMETHING wrong with them) so he never saw her again. He left town to work the rodeo circuit and now he's back, and she recently showed up with a two-year-old. Not his kid. He also wouldn't lie about it, if it were his kid. So he says. Tyra softens and asks if he's lying to her. He says that he would never lie to her. She lets him in and they begin to kiss. OK, people like this exist. I realize that. But, there's just a little something that bothers me about how much CRAZY women run these storylines. It may just be PC crap, but something feels weird about it. Maybe the female gender should get their effing act together. Ooh, that's right, I said it. Get your shit together, girls.
Back at the party, a couple of pretty (probably CRAZY) girls pass Tim with loving looks in their eyes. J.D. asks Tim how many girlfriends he has. "Just the one," he replies sternly. J.D. looks at Lyla and says that she is so pretty. Tim agrees that she's "pretty special" and tells J.D. that he's on his own for a while. J.D. freaks a bit and asks what he's supposed to do. Tim tells him to relax, laugh, have fun, and -- if he's in trouble -- act like he's looking for someone. Them's the rules!
J.D. walks into another room and finds some people from the team at a bong, including someone who calls him "Naked Gun." Someone offers him a beer and another guy says that J.D.'s body "is a temple." He doesn't drink soda, eat candy, or drink beer. Oh yeah! J.D. has a beer. You knew this was coming, but it's still pretty cool. The specter of D.W. Moffett as J.D.'s dad hangs over everything and the dude is so good, it feels like J.D. just got an eyeliner tattoo.
In the vein of Can't Hardly Wait, J.D. gets buck-wild. Unfortunately, it looks like some people capture the buck-wildness on their iPhones. At some point, Tim and Lyla retrieve a very drunk J.D. and remove him from the party.
At the dance, Eric surprises Tami from behind. She says that she thought he was Mr. Stackhouse. She asks him where he's been. He says he has been getting dressed, which naturally doesn't fly because he's super late. She asks why he has paint in his hair. He has paint in his hair! He's been helping Jason! Right? That's so amazing. She says that she could fire him, but he reminds her that she'd have to go through the Board of Supervisors and the Boosters. The fight is done and they dance.
Julie and Matt are sitting at a campfire. Julie tells him that veggie hot dogs are amazing, but he says that he will stick to the regular hot dogs, like the one he's eating. She asks him if he know that he's eating pig eyes and intestines and whatnot. He says that he does know, but they're good. I've known so many couples like this. The enlightened girl and the simple guy who's still pretty cool for liking the enlightened girl. It's sweet. Then, Matt says that he thinks food tastes better when eaten outside. Julie agrees. So sweet. Then, Julie says that they should probably leave. Matt agrees. Then, they start making out. No, like really making out. She pushes him away for a second to get a look at his face and (maybe?) sort of check in with him, then she starts kissing him again. Then, they lay down. You know what that means.
The morning, Matt drives Julie home. I hope that Landry didn't need his car. They kiss when they reach Julie's house, then she gets out. He smiles and drives away. She goes to her room and looks at herself in the mirror. She LOOKS at herself in the mirror. Then, she laughs a little and puts her face in her hands.
At church, it looks like J.D. is upright. Julie and Matt keep stealing glances at each other from across the aisle, which, strike me dead, is so sweet. Especially with this tender score. The music is so perfect on this show. I have a friend who finds Matt so mopey and depressing, but this shit is sweet.
Later, while people are eating at the church brunch/banquet/whatever, Joe approaches Coach with J.D. in tow. He says that J.D. has something to tell him. J.D. proceeds to tell him that he got really drunk the night before and he's sorry. Weird, yes? Joe continues that J.D. has let everyone down and he thought that he should come to Coach. Coach says he understands and nods at J.D. a little like, "I understand that your father makes Dina Lohan look like Ellen Degeneres's mom."
At the Garrity house, things are moving along. In fact, it looks pretty good. Jason gets a phone call and it's Erin. They're not in Connecticut. They have another day to go. OK, that's a long freaking time to get from Texas to Connecticut. Two days drive at the most -- and we know that this episode has covered at least four days. Maybe it's different with an infant? I don't know. Jason says that he misses them. She replies haltingly that they miss him and love him too. He asks that she put Noah on the phone and she asks if she's really that boring to talk to. He says that he just doesn't want his son to forget the sound of his voice. There's something menacing about this. She puts the phone to Noah's ear and Jason tells him how much he loves him. Then, he sings the song "Dear Liza" to him. It's sweet. All of the people working at the house stop and listen, especially when he starts doing the high-pitched girl part.
Jeff Long works as a writer in New York City, with his partner Chad and his dogs Rhonda and Frances. You can reach him at jeff.long75@gmail.com.
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