This episode begins with some funky coloured lights and the disco stylings of Foxy. According to the closed captioning, we're listening to a little ditty called "Hot Number." Oww! Joel Hodgson is back, and he is right into it. He's still playing the delusional loser guy who used to sell disco clothes in the mall, but now he's a DJ. I'm glad they showed him right off the bat, because otherwise I would have assumed I was watching "Mel Slurp's Rockpile" on SCTV. Ooh, someone's wearing shiny lavender spandex pants! I could watch this all day, but instead we cut to a shot of Lindsay, Kim, Daniel, and Ken walking into the disco. Oh, did I mention that the disco is in a bowling alley? Well, it is. And I'm willing to bet this is the same disco-in-a-bowling-alley that figures so prominently in the story of how Mr. Rosso caught herpes. Kim's telling the guys that it's stupid for them to be there, but Ken claims it's a tradition. He and Daniel shout out, in unison, "Disco sucks!" Everyone on the dance floor turns to stare at them. "Everyone" includes Nick, who probably could look worse than he does, but he'd have to devote considerable energy to it. Until someone tells me differently, I'll just assume the wardrobe people fished his orange wide-lapel shirt and brown vest out of the dumpster behind the local Goodwill shop. The freaks all stare at him, and Ken says, "Oh. My. God." Nick just shrugs in his sheepish, dorky way. Hmm, Lindsay really should pick her jaw up from the floor. It's probably really dirty down there, what with all those disco pheromones flying around. The opening credits are a welcome diversion at this point.
It's the end of the school year, and the geeks are discussing yearbook-signing strategies. Bill says he will only allow girls to sign his so that when he has kids, they will think he was "a big stud." Sam hopes that many girls will reveal that they have had crushes on him all year. Hey, I'm sure that somewhere in the world stranger things have happened. A bunch of jocks run by, knocking down the geeks' books. They call this a "geek clean-out." I've never heard the term before, but I have to agree with Sam that the whole thing is not very funny. Bill wonders how, with all the clean-outs and wedgies and swirlies the jocks perform, they even find the time to play sports. Sam whines that he's "sick of being called a geek," and he wonders, "What's so geeky about us anyway?" Harris arrives, right on cue, to tell them that the new Dungeons and Dragons manual is out, which should guarantee them a fun Friday night. Bill, Neal and Sam all look mighty uncomfortable about now.
Hey, speaking of discomfort, Nick's feeling it as his new girlfriend, Sara, informs Daniel and Ken that Nick is planning to enter a disco dancing competition on the weekend. Sara's really cute and she cracks me up as she tries to act all bad-ass around the freaks, but I'll bet that at home she listens to ABBA. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Daniel, who looks about forty-three here, informs them all that he is planning to cheat on his finals. That's probably a very good idea. As he watches Nick and Sara leave, Ken inquires, "What in the name of God is going on?" Down the hall a ways, Kim is wondering the same thing. Referring to Nick and Sara, she tells Lindsay, "That is so sad," but Lindsay defends Sara, saying she is "cool." Kim suggests that Nick is just trying to make Lindsay jealous. Lindsay contemplates that for a while.
The geeks file into their A.V. Club meeting room. Their advisor apologizes for smoking. He adds, "I know I might look cool with a cigarette in my hand, but remember, it's just a crutch." Ha! If I thought it would make me as funny as this guy, I'd pick up smoking again. Upon learning that the geeks have been "cleaned out," he gives them one of the coolest pep talks I've ever heard. He even accompanies it with hand gestures. First he maps out the career trajectory of a typical jock, who reaches the pinnacle of his success in performing clean-outs on geeks. From there it's all downhill, from used-car salesman all the way down to "what? I'm fired? Hand me that bottle." He claims that the geeks, on the other hand, hit their low point in high school, when girls won't look at them. From there it's up all the way, from acceptance at an Ivy League school to becoming president of a Fortune 500 company to "yes, Mr. Jock-Who-Cleaned-Me-Out, I will have fries with that." Man, I wish someone had given me this speech when I was in high school. In fact, I think I'll use the lack of said pep talk as my excuse for why I have yet to achieve that Fortune 500 company presidency I so richly deserve. When Sam whines about not knowing how to make it through the rest of high school, A.V. Advisor Guy tells him he must learn to appreciate the "simpler things in life." In this case, he's referring to a 10mm print of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, which he has on loan for a week. This causes Neal to exclaim, "A.V. is paradise on earth!" Bill adds, "I'm so happy I could cry." Sam does what he does best: sulks.
Mr. Kowchevski tries to get his class to settle down before their math test. An increasingly distraught Daniel, who looks about fifty-seven in this scene, finally asks the guy in front of him why Dave Fleury isn't in class. Daniel isn't so much concerned about Dave's health as he is panicky about the fact that he was planning to cheat off Dave's paper. After learning that Dave broke his arm in gym class, we see a frantic Daniel loping down the hallway and breaking the glass on a fire alarm, although Mr. Rosso shows up before Daniel can actually pull the alarm.
Instead of just calling the cops, Mr. Rosso does something really scary: he brings Daniel into his office for what he would probably call a "rap session." He berates Daniel about being "cool," asking if he thinks he's "the Fonz or something." I wish I could say that Daniel replies in the affirmative but he does not; he just stares at Mr. Rosso in sullen disbelief -- a perfectly appropriate response. Mr. Rosso says he's decided to stop being nice and asks, "How do you like them apples?" Daniel replies, "I like them just fine, sir." Uh-oh, now Mr. Rosso's really pissed off, and he assigns Daniel to the A.V. Club for the rest of the year. It's kind of funny to see Daniel's expression of dismay and to watch him age another ten years at this news, but I have to point out that, aside from the fact that I can't imagine a guidance counselor having the power to make students join after-school clubs, it's the end of the school year anyway, so how bad can this punishment be?
Lindsay's about to receive some unwelcome news of her own: She's been chosen to attend some monstrosity known as an "academic summit." When she asks what that is, the teacher tells her it's "two glorious weeks at the U. of M[ichigan] campus -- reading, debating, matching wits with the best and brightest students in Michigan." Lindsay looks seriously underwhelmed. Not even the news that the students will be "ranked daily" cheers her up. Ick, to me it sounds like Mathletics but ten times worse. Lindsay looks like she's about to hurl. ["Daily grades? I would have loved that in high school. Or now." -- Wing Chun]
Okay, I want to know what's up with the commercials. I watched this episode on a Canadian channel, and I kept seeing ads for stuff aimed at people way older than what I would imagine is the target demographic of the show. I'm watching a commercial for a CD called Prom Night, which is full of songs from the '50s. Were they expecting everyone under the age of sixty to be out partying because it was a rockin' Saturday night? Were they aiming this commercial at Daniel? Should I be alarmed by the fact that I want to order the Prom Night CD?
Mr. Rosso is honing his pep talk skills on Lindsay, who is majorly bummed about having to attend the academic summit. He tries to cheer her up by quoting from the Grateful Dead but winds up having to explain who they are. He tells her that whenever he was stressing out in college, he would listen to the Dead's American Beauty album to calm down, and he forces Lindsay to borrow his copy of the album, telling her that after listening to it, she'll be "raring to go to that academic summit." I seriously doubt that, but I do think it's cool of Mr. Rosso to give her the album. I know I mock him regularly, and I would never have wanted to have him for a guidance counselor, and I laughed extra-hard at the Hallowe'en episode where the freaks smashed his pumpkin, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate Mr. Rosso's sweetness. Really!
Back in the A.V. room, the geeks are exchanging A.V.-related war stories about having to show -- as Bill so elegantly puts it -- "girls' time of the month" films. A.V. Advisor Guy interrupts to break the news about Mr. Rosso forcing Daniel to join the club. Neal says, "Wait a minute. He's putting him in A.V. as punishment?" I know I shouldn't laugh this hard, but I can't help it. It reminds me of when I edited the clubs section of my high school's yearbook and I had to get someone from each club to hand in a little write-up describing the club's activities. When the A.V. Club still hadn't handed in anything by our deadline, my friend Sue and I wrote one for them, except we had no idea what they did, so the write-up sounded like it was done by a dim-witted third-grader and was full of ultra-lame lines, like, "We help teachers by filming stuff for them." Then, because we were so mature, we made up a name for the author of the write-up, and I'm ashamed to admit, the last name was something like "Giek" -- because, obviously, as yearbook staff we were in no way geeky ourselves. Nope, not at all. Anyway, Daniel walks in, looking about sixty-eight years old. He couldn't be less thrilled to be there, and not even Gordon's offer to teach the finer points of film projector repair can cheer him up.
In the cafeteria, the geeks are expressing their dismay about Daniel's appearance in their A.V. sanctuary. Gordon offers, "I'll bet that Daniel guy is high on drugs, and if we make him mad, he'll freak out and wreck the A.V. room." That's right, because pot smokers are best known for their ultra-violent behaviour, and not for laughing at silly jokes and craving junk food. Sam points out that Daniel is Lindsay's friend and tries to defend him, but the others agree that they should all try to get Daniel out of their club by forcing him to show movies every day. I'm not sure I follow the logic, but okay.
Trace Beaulieu is back as Mr. Lacovara. He congratulates Lindsay on being in the top one per cent of students who get invited to attend an academic summit, adding that he was in the "one per cent club" in 1956. "Look what it did for me," he says. How very reassuring. He turns to leave but knocks down a student's lunch tray instead. While everyone in the cafeteria applauds, Mr. Lacovara says, "That was my fault! That was me. I'm the clumsy clod!" I know the real reason they're all applauding is because Trace Beaulieu's comic timing is so good. I scribble down the phrase "clumsy clod" so I can steal it for my own use.
Lindsay continues walking through the cafeteria, still holding the Grateful Dead album Mr. Rosso gave her. A boy and girl start talking to her about the album, which they call "the greatest album of all time." The girl adds, "I wish I'd never heard it just so I could listen to it again for the first time." Lindsay seems more than a little surprised that anything Mr. Rosso would recommend has the potential to be enjoyable.
Ken and Sara and Nick are also in the cafeteria. Sara is complimenting "Kenny's" vest. Ken is less than thrilled. And he's not exactly ecstatic about the suggestion that he go to Nick's house after school so that Sara and Nick can teach him to dance the Hustle. In fact, his exact words are, "Um...no?" When Sara gets up to get more milk, Ken says, "I give up, Nick. When does Allan Funt come boogying out?" Nick defends Sara and Ken reminds him that he used to hate disco. Nick replies, "Look, what's the difference between Zeppelin and disco, really?" He cites Foxy's "Hot Number" as an excellent song. Ken looks like he's about to have an aneurysm as he yells, "No, I don't know that song, thank God. But I can guarantee it sucks!" Nick busts on Ken for not being supportive, but Ken insists that Nick is just using Sara to make Lindsay jealous. Nick says, "Screw you, man," and leaves. When Lindsay sits down in Nick's vacated seat and asks Ken what's going on, he begs her to start dating Nick again. Hey, what happened to Sara and the milk she was supposed to be getting? Was she waylaid by someone who needed emergency disco lessons?
In her bedroom, Lindsay puts on the Grateful Dead's American Beauty. "Indifferent" is a fitting word to describe how I've always felt about the Grateful Dead, but I have to say I'm really enjoying "Box of Rain." So is Lindsay, and we see her playing the album over and over again. The more she listens to it, the happier she gets, as she dances around her room.
It must be a letdown to go from the music to having dinner with her family, especially since her parents are totally on her case about the stupid academic summit. When she casually mentions that she might not attend, Dad asks, "Are you wacky?" Lindsay says it sounds dumb, which is exactly what I would have said, too. ["Snif!" -- Wing Chun] Dad suggests that this summit is her key to acceptance into one of the best schools, a claim I find a little hard to believe, but whatever. Lindsay complains a little more, but Dad insists that she will be attending the summit.
It's been so long since I've seen the show that I can't remember what Lindsay's English teacher looks like, but I assume this is English class since they're planning to watch Romeo and Juliet. Bet you'll never guess who the projectionist is. Daniel is looking about eighty-four years old when he shows up to run the film. Oh, and do you think he might be stoned? Maybe?
After the commercial break, Daniel still looks stoned. Kim and Lindsay and Nick are all exchanging looks. As Daniel rolls the projector to the back of the room, Nick starts coughing to cover up the fact that he's saying the word "geek." Daniel whacks him upside the head. He tries to set up the film; he's failing pretty spectacularly. The teacher draws attention to it with a bitchy, "Will somebody please help Mr. DeMille set up the projector?" Daniel insists that he has it set up, but it's still not working right. Finally someone in the class gets the film running properly. Daniel sits down sullenly while Kim looks embarrassed.
Lindsay is continuing her Deadhead education in the cafeteria, where she's talking to the same couple from before. The girl is telling her about the time she went to a Dead concert and danced in the mud and then the sun came out and there was a rainbow over the stage and it was so beautiful that she started to cry. Now, I've known some pretty cool Deadheads over the years, but I must be a little jaded because this story just makes me roll my eyes. Just when I think my eyes can't roll any further back in my head, the guy says something about having a good time "as one" and that "judging has nothing to do with it," and I discover that yes, I can indeed roll my eyes much further back than I thought I could. Believe me, it is a triumphant moment. The girl says that over summer vacation they are planning to follow the band and see "nine shows in a week and a half." When the guy asks Lindsay what she's doing, she's kind of embarrassed to talk about the academic summit, but the guy just says, "Hey, man, you gotta do what you gotta do." Okay, that's pretty cool, but he and the girl are giggling when he says that, which diminishes the sincerity of the sentiment somewhat.
Daniel and Kim are in a school hallway, and he is complaining about his life in general. Kim looks bored as she says, "You know, Daniel, nobody asked you to pull the fire alarm." He complains some more and she looks bored some more. I guess judging has everything to do with her and Daniel. Not that he doesn't deserve her impatience, especially when he tells her, "I always listen to your stupid problems." Aw, what a guy! Don't let a charmer like that get away, Kim!
The geeks are walking through the school discussing Dungeons and Dragons. Bill is saying he wants his character to be called Gorthon, "because it sounds cool." Um, okay. Neal is all exasperated as he tells Bill not to play a thief again: "You always fall down a well trying to steal stuff." Hee! Sam isn't sure he wants to play, calling D&D a "geeky game." Hee! Oh, wait, I just said that. He whiningly mumbles something about having to retrieve his science book from the A.V. room. When he gets there, he hears a noise and goes to investigate. It is Daniel, who is trying to teach himself how to thread a film projector. Sam looks pleased, and he leaves the room without disturbing Daniel. It's a nice scene.
Moping must run in the Weir family, because Lindsay is still acting extremely sulky about having to go to the academic summit. Kim gives her a different perspective by pointing out that at least Lindsay will get to leave town for a few weeks and that Kim can't afford to do that. I'm feeling all sorry for Kim until she says that Daniel never wants to go anywhere anyway. Lindsay encourages Kim to go somewhere on her own, without consulting Daniel.
Sara and Nick are practising their dancing. I don't recognize the song they're dancing to, but the captioning tells me it's Dynasty's "I Don't Want to be a Freak." Heh heh, geddit? Sara's pretty coordinated: She can dance and give a pep talk at the same time. Nick is having second thoughts about being in the dance contest and Sara's trying to encourage him, telling him he's a great dancer. Nick comments, "It's weird -- I used to hate disco, but I guess maybe I was just destined for it." He does one of those punching-the-air disco gestures and makes a goofy face, and I have to laugh because it looks Jason Segel is having so much fun. Oh, sure, he's probably too young to have really experienced the aesthetic catastrophe that was the '70s the first time around. There's no reason for him to be bitter. He was probably never tricked into thinking tan corduroy bell bottoms with appliqued turtles on them were stylin'. And I'll bet he was never traumatized by having to learn disco dancing in gym class. Sure, Nick, it's all just campy and fun for you, man. You didn't have to live through the nightmare first-hand. Oops, maybe I should just save all that for my therapist. So Nick is saying, "Sometimes you end up being the best at something you hate." He brings up the example of Lindsay hating math yet being "head of the Mathletes." This goes over like the proverbial lead balloon. We cut immediately to Sara asking him if he still likes Lindsay. He denies it, rather unconvincingly, but it's good enough for Sara. She admits that she's had a crush on him forever and says she can't believe that he likes her. I'm glad Nick finally has a girlfriend who's crazy about him. And I really, really hope he doesn't screw it up.
Back in the A.V. room the geeks are discussing the merits of various drawings in the new D&D manual. Gordon favours the drawing of Ishtar while Bill likes the Goddess of Vice because "you can see her butt." Harris is psyched about something called the "Dancing Sword." Daniel surprises them all by inquiring about the Dancing Sword. When Sam explains that the sword will fight on its own so that one can battle two opponents at once, Daniel surprises them further by saying, "That's kinda cool." Harris invites him to join them for D&D, and now it's Daniel's turn to be surprised, and a little suspicious. Sam explains that it's fun to fight dragons and eat junk food and joke around. Gordon adds, "And the best part is you get to pretend to be somebody you can't be in real life." That clinches the deal, and Daniel agrees to join them, although he tells them not to expect him to be any good at it. Aw, poor Daniel. I feel bad for him that he's all vulnerable like that, but that won't stop me from commenting that he's looking about a hundred and twelve years old here. He could give Steve Sanders a run for his money. Nah, I'm just kidding Daniel -- and for the record, I've been liking you more and more as this series has progressed.
Ken has dragged Lindsay down to the bowling alley -- er, that is, the discotheque. He's convinced she can talk Nick out of throwing his life away on disco. Lindsay says Nick should be allowed to lead his own life but Ken is adamant. They find Nick and Ken starts saying that Lindsay has something to tell him. Sara looks nervous. This is all cut short, though, by the DJ, who recognizes Ken as his "little opinionated rock and roller friend."
The geeks, plus Daniel, are starting their Dungeons and Dragons game. Daniel seems to think the others are smarter than he is, and he's super-sensitive about it. Harris is the Dungeon Master. The guys tease Harris about being sneaky, and he replies, "Oh, I'm sorry. Perhaps I should let you encounter kittens and grandmas so as not to upset you." Sam tells Daniel to roll the dice to determine the traits his D&D character will possess. Ooh, the suspense is killing me too!
At the discotheque, Joel Hodgson is berating Ken, pointing him out as one of the guys who comes in to yell, "Disco sucks!" He asks, "What's the matter, cat got your bong?" Damn, that almost makes me wish all my friends hadn't quit smoking up just so I could use that line myself. Joel is particularly self-righteous as he shouts to Ken, "Is that how you learned to communicate -- running in here, yelling stuff? Is that what your precious rock teaches you, friend?" Ken replies, "No, man, it teaches me that...disco sucks!" Joel tries to argue that even the Rolling Stones know that disco is here to stay, citing their song "Miss You" as an example. It's easy for us to laugh at delusional people still clinging to a fad well past its prime, since we're looking back at it from a safe distance of twenty years, but this bowling alley/disco is so pathetic that even through a haze of Miller, Ken understands. He says, "This place is empty, man! Disco is dead. Give it up. Why don't you go back to selling shirts at the mall, there, buddy?" Did I mention how much I'm going to miss Ken? A bouncer comes up to escort Ken out of the building as Joel shouts, "Disco is alive -- it's alive, I tell you! I know it, and you know it, and Miss Gloria Gaynor knows it too!" We get to hear a few bars of that karaoke classic, "I Will Survive," while Joel performs a little interpretive dance to it. As Ken is being led away he wants to know, "Where the hell is Daniel when you need him?"
Daniel is busy arguing that he doesn't want to be a dwarf in the D&D game. Sam points out that dwarves are good fighters but Daniel needs some convincing. Daniel turns to Neal and belligerently asks him if he is a dwarf. D'oh, that's not very nice! Neal gets all defensive and says that he is Kragenmore the Destroyer, whatever the hell that means. Finally Daniel agrees to be a dwarf, although he insists that his name be Carlos. Everyone snickers and Bill asks, incredulously, "Carlos the dwarf?" Daniel responds with, "Yeah, you got a problem with that, Gorthon?" Bill looks scared but Daniel smiles and says he was just joking.
At the bowling alley Ken is being led out the door while Nick, in his shiny, shiny shirt, yells that Ken embarrassed him in front of the other disco dancers. Ken shouts back that Nick can call him when he gets over his "Saturday night fever." Nick stomps off. As the bouncer escorts Ken outside he lets him in on a little secret: He thinks the disco sucks too, and management is closing it down week to bring in something called "foxy boxin'." Aw, poor Joel! I hope he didn't quit his day job selling Parisian Nightsuits.
Nick can't understand why Ken is being such a jerk, and Lindsay tells him his Ken is "confused" because he thinks Nick is trying to get Lindsay back. Nick argues, not very convincingly, that this is not at all true and that he is with Sara now. It takes Lindsay a beat to respond -- just long enough to let us know that she doesn't believe it either. She's putting on a good show, though, telling him she's very happy for him. I imagine Nick still likes Lindsay and is trying to show off a bit in front of her, which makes him slightly less gracious than he could be, but that's okay. He deserves it. Oh, and we learn that he's quit smoking pot. Lindsay starts to leave just as Joel announces that Nick will be leading off the disco dancing contest. Lindsay walks off and Nick stares after her. Sara come up to tell Nick it's time to "boogie-oogie-oogie," and she kisses him on the cheek. He looks at Lindsay once more and then walks intently onto the dance floor while some song called "Groove Line" plays. Sara blows Nick a kiss and gives him the thumbs-up sign. I recently read in Entertainment Weekly -- which is where I like to get all my history facts -- that during the Roman empire, the thumbs-up sign did not have the same positive connotations it does today and actually meant death to the gladiator. I thought that was interesting in light of the massacre that's about to take place. When I was watching this scene originally, the phone rang and I missed Nick's performance. Before I had a chance to view the tape, I spoke to Maggie and to Gwen on the phone, and they both warned me of how painful this scene would be to watch. This scene made me cringe almost as hard as when Nick sang Styx's "Lady" to Lindsay, so I will say this in as few words as possible: Nick is no better at dancing than he is at drumming or singing. I think that tells you everything you need to know.
There is a brief respite from Nick's humiliation as the "Groove Line" song continues in the background and we see the geeks and Daniel laughing and having a good time with their D&D game. Oh, no, it's back to Nick, and he's still giving it his all on the dance floor. Jason Segel is amazing; he does such a great job of making Nick endearing and dorky at the same time. Right now Nick is so into it that Joel has to order him off the dance floor to make room for the contestant. The contestant's name is Eugene, and he's no better a dancer than Nick, but he's able to dance poorly while doing magic tricks. Haw! Just when you thought this final episode might become too sappy, Nick starts getting all upset and paranoid, whining, "They didn't say you were allowed to do magic!" Sara confirms her dorkiness by taking the dance contest seriously -- she actually looks worried as she comments that Eugene is good. Poor Nick, the lovable loser, seems destined to fail, no matter how low he sets his expectations.
Daniel is thrilled to have completed his first D&D campaign. Everyone applauds and Daniel looks really happy as he says he had fun and asks if they want to play again tomorrow night. Why, he looks at least sixty years younger now that he's all happy! He leaves the room to get a drink, and Bill asks, "Does his wanting to play with us again mean he's turning into a geek or we're turning into cool guys?" The consensus around the table is "cool guys." As a special going-away gift to them, I won't even challenge that. Besides "cool" is pretty subjective anyway.
The whole Weir clan is down at the bus station to bid adieu to Lindsay as she leaves for the academic summit. Mom offers to drive her, but Lindsay says she needs the time alone to think. The parents are totally proud of her, and Sam says he will miss her. As Lindsay's getting on the bus, Neal and Bill run up and ask her to wait. Neal looks a little embarrassed as he offers her "some chocolates for a sweet trip." Dang, that's cute. Bill comments that his family always gives his grandmother chocolates when they "put her on the bus." They also pin her name and address on her clothing in case she gets lost. Lindsay makes Neal's day by kissing him on the cheek, and she kisses Bill too, just for the hell of it. As she's walking up the bus steps, she turns around and says, "Hey, Mom?" Mrs. Weir looks at her trustingly and says, "Yes, sweetie?" Lindsay says, "I'll see you soon. Okay, love you." She chooses a seat and blows a kiss at her family as the bus drives away. The Grateful Dead's "Ripple" plays in the background and we see Lindsay arrive at her destination. Kim is waiting for her there, as are the two Deadheads she met in the school cafeteria. I'm not real keen on painted vans, but theirs actually looks cool. Lindsay greets everyone and takes off her jacket, replacing it with her army jacket. Heavy-handed symbolism like that should be really annoying, but on this show it's not. Everyone looks really excited to be going on this trip, and they all pile into the van. You can hear them shouting happily as they drive off.