Episode Report Card Sobell: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Black Swan Singing to the FBI
By Sobell | Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.15.2009
Demetri and Zoey are cramming in a little wedding talk at breakfast, and Zoey's making cracks about Demetri's family not being terribly fond of her. Well, that's two great tastes that just might make someone wish March 15 would hurry up and arrive. Fortunately, Zoey goes from pressuring Demetri to run interference on the earlier wedding date to fishing around for information on the lady Demetri arrested in the pilot; she's worried that the lady terrorist's rights have been violated. Well, she's worried on a professional level; personally, she'd love it if Demetri were "getting all Dick Cheney" on the lady should she prove to be responsible for the flashforward. That sentiment still doesn't erase the fact that Zoey the defense lawyer made a note when Demetri said he could neither confirm nor deny the existence of said blonde terrorist lady.
Morning in stately Benford Manor. Charlie is being amused by an egg rising from behind the kitchen island to the following Mark-provided narration: "As Eggbert, I would like to Egg-spress my desire for you to eat oatmeal this morning." The egg leads Mark into view, there is a caper involving a chicken-shaped jar, and Mark drops the egg on the floor right as Olivia comes down. Oatmeal it is! Olivia comments, "You really are a Shakespeare of cheesy dad humor." And it's funny because Joseph Fiennes played Shakespeare, you see. Mark dips her for a good-morning kiss. Awww!
Olivia shares the news that Nicole's coming back, then we transition to Nicole hanging out with ... Aaron? Apparently so. There are only six people in Los Angeles and they all know each other, I guess. Anyway, we establish that: A) Aaron's daughter Tracy used to babysit Nicole, B) Aaron got Nicole the job with the Benfords, and C) Aaron is still on his "Hurrah! Flashforward!" kick, which Nicole is not too keen on.
At Our Lady of the Mood Lighting Memorial Hospital, Olivia and Bryce are catching up on their patients, and Ned Ned's condition pops up. Bryce shares, "I can't stop thinking about that guy. How does somebody possibly go from being Caucasian to African-American?" Ask C. Thomas Howell -- he's got plenty of free time now that the idiots at NBC have cancelled Southland. Bryce noodles on Ned Ned's vision some more, and Olivia is all am-cray on the ision-vay, which Bryce does not pick up on at all. So Olivia changes the subject all, "So how are those weekly sessions with the psychiatrist going? I ran into her ..." and it's Bryce's turn to go on the defensive. He's all, "You know, it's only been two weeks since the entire planet passed out and we discovered that things like planes, trains and automobiles don't operate themselves. I've been busy." Olivia's regained the upper hand, so she snaps, "You want to keep working here, you need to follow up with psych at least twice a week. You got it?" Bryce does.
Any further discussion is interrupted by a boy's shout, a metal tray flying out into the hall, and a flustered Lloyd trying to retrieve said tray whilst spilling coffee down his shirt. Olivia flashes back to her flashforward (drink!) and makes an awkward moment even more so by just staring at Lloyd until he mumbles, "Sorry," and flees back to an agitated Dylan. Olivia begins making noise about getting Dylan off her rounds.
Mark is in FBI Boss Dude Courtney B. Vance's office making the case for a jet-setting adventure to Somalia. It is not going well: FBI Boss Dude Courtney B. Vance points out that Mark got to take a field trip to Germany last week on the strength of an index card. Mark points out, "And it paid off." FBI Boss Dude Courtney B. Vance does not have the same definition for "paid off" as Mark does: "You found out some crows died in Somalia." Agent Al Gough pleads, "If a blackout happened before, that would be major." FBI Boss Dude Courtney B. Vance assumes an air of sweet reason: "I agree. Why haven't we heard about it before? Last I checked, all you've got is a footnote in a CDC funding request." Gough protests that he's trying to track down satellite photos from 1991, but the CIA apparently has better things to do than dredge up 18-year-old photos.
After the meeting, Mark muses, "Remember that hacker we busted, the one who broke into the DOD's network, trying to take our overseas drones for a joyride? Don't you think [Mr. Cheeto Dust] would find Langley's mainframe a delightful challenge?" Gough is all, "Yes, because he gets his yayas off the illegal aspect, not the technical-challenge aspect. Also, please do not make me an accessory to any federal offenses you may be planning." Mark bats his big brown eyes at Gough and goes looking for Demetri.
Our marked man is trying to question the blonde he caught on the day of the blackout. Her name is Alda Hertzog, she looks like Seven of Nine's deborgified little sister, and she's too cool to submit to questioning by anyone. "I've done nothing wrong. It's my associates you want," she says. "Honey, your associates died on the day of the blackout. They were super-dead," Demetri says. Alda spits out, "Customer Choice Restaurant Group. That's all I have for you for today." Demetri leans in and points out, "You are running out of time for this to be a civil conversation." "Really, Agent Noh? Here I thought you were the one running out of time," Alda sneers. Demetri manages to resist the urge to go Dick Cheney on Alda because he's now wigged out by the possibility that Alda's linked to his upcoming murder.
Back in FBI Boss Dude Courtney B. Vance's office, Mark's still pleading for Somalia while his very own partner Demetri is all, "Let's go to Indio! Hello, dirty bomb? Also, that Somalia thing with the dead birds is an urban myth." FBI Boss Dude Courtney B. Vance lets them wear themselves out with bickering, then issues his decree: "Send me a postcard from Indio." The boys are off to gather intel on the terrorism investigation they had been working on before the flashforward.
As the two men leave FBI Boss Dude Courtney B. Vance's office, Mark sensitively inquires of Demetri, "What the hell's the matter with you?" Demetri replies, "I just want to be an FBI agent today, all right? Life is short."
At Our Lady of the Mood Lighting Memorial Hospital canteen, Lloyd waylays Olivia at the checkout line and says, "Thank you for putting up with me. I'm afraid I'm the annoying parent who always wants a thousand details. I'd like to apologize for that. I can tell it makes you uncomfortable." Olivia speaks truthfully when she says that's not making her uncomfortable; she does not feel it necessary to add that her foreknowledge of what Lloyd looks like shirtless is what gives her the screaming heebie-jeebies. Lloyd also apologizes for Dylan's outburst of the morning, quipping about "the unidentified flying meal tray," and if only this show had more of a sense of humor, Lloyd would be the perfect viewer stand-in as the smartassed observer of what apparently passes for normal in this show's world.
Anyway, Lloyd is desperately asking for advice on how to deal with his autistic kid, and Olivia is being less than helpful. Her only useful piece of advice is to swing by Dylan's house: "Being in his room, among his things, might give you a sense of who he is." Then she scurries off, presumably so she's not tempted to fling her marriage to the winds and ride Lloyd like a Vespa. To further place obstacles between the present and the (presumed) future, she orders Bryce to transfer Dylan to the physical therapy department.
Out in Indio, California, Mark is sitting in a plastic booth at a fast-food restaurant, while Demetri tells the eager, amiable manager that the restaurant came up in an FBI query, so he'll need the names and addresses of every employee. The manager already has it printed up. He hands it over with "Burgers and waffle fries -- that's all we do." And bless you for doing it: the world needs more waffle-fry venues. Except! The manager excitedly alludes to the frozen yogurt expansion his flashforward showed him. Demetri cuts off the creamy treat exposition by asking if the restaurant is owned by Customer Choice Restaurant Group, and we learn that Demetri and Mark are standing in the birthplace of Customer Choice Restaurant Group. Demetri's got a You have GOT to be kidding me look. Mark brightly and maliciously asks for a moment alone with Demetri. The manager shouts, "Somebody get some burgers for these FBI guys, please!" and that is all a bearded fry cook needs to hear. He makes a run for it, and in the time it takes you to read to the end of this sentence, Mark and Demetri are right on Beardo's tail.
The good news is, both Mark and Demetri are in remarkably good shape, what with all the sprinting they have to do and the scaling of tall fences. They eventually end up in a trailer park that embodies every cliché in the genre: pit bulls snarling at the agents, a dumb blonde opening her trailer door right into Demetri's face and knocking him flat on his back, and the chase ending up with Mark tackling Beardo in a kiddie pool.
As a wet Mark cuffs Beardo -- good news! Indio is hotter than two rodents getting friendly in a wool sock so you'll dry off in no time -- Demetri checks the backpack Beardo had on him.
Beardo shouts in a Russian accent, "I heard what you're being! FBI can be biting my ass!" as Demetri pulls out a metal lockbox with a taped-on label reading "Yellow Cake." The agent shouts, "Yellowcake uranium, Mark! Black market nuclear material. Do you th