Previously on Felicity: Knoll kissed Felicity, and she told him they can only be friends; Elena and DeForrest kissed; Knoll shoved Ben, and a minor skirmish broke out in Dean & Deluca; Felicity told Knoll that she doesn't want to lose their friendship, but he told her he can't just be friends with her.
Knoll "Nobody Loves Me" Crane stands before a mirror, zips up his graduation gown, and tries to straighten his tie, all in slow motion. In a voice-over, he says, "Dear Felicity, I know how corny this is, just, uh, just, go with it, please. Uh, I'm making you this tape because I want to make sure I say everything I'm thinking." I hope you didn't buy a ninety-minute tape, Knoll. He puts on his mortarboard and continues, "Doing it this way is a little easier. Even so, I'm not sure where to start. I guess I should start with goodbye."
Felicity "Emotional Baggage" Porter is in Dr. Toni "Smoke 'Em If You've Got 'Em" Pavone's office. Felicity moans, "The thing about college is, as great as it is, there's something cruel about it." Through a cloud of smoke, Dr. Pavone asks, "'Cruel'?" Felicity says, "Yeah -- I mean, you don't know anyone when you get there, but then all of a sudden you find yourself making connections and making friends and dating people. There's something incredible about it, like anything's possible. And you go through years of that and you get used to it. But the thing is, it's not real, because graduation comes and whatever you've been working towards or whatever your plans are, it just pulls you away. And if you're having, y'know, a difficult time with a friend of yours and he leaves, you don't have college anymore to rely on, to keep you together." Dr. Pavone knowingly smirks, "Well, not like this is sunshine for your rainy day, but, um, life outside of college ends, too." Felicity nods, "I know. I just thought when that time came, Knoll and I would still be friends." I guess Felicity didn't learn anything when she left high school, which thankgodfully doesn't last forever. Nothing lasts forever, and that's usually a good thing, in my opinion.
Carrying a backpack with a bedroll attached, Felicity rushes into the loft and announces, "Okay, so, you said whatever I wanted to do this summer, right? Remember that guy in New Mexico who was talking about Acadia National Park?" Ben "Hoarse Whisperer" Covington -- who has been reading a letter which he quickly shoves into this back pocket -- says, "Yeah, yeah. The one in Maine." They agree that it sounds "amazing" and discuss spending the summer camping. Felicity has borrowed a bunch of equipment from the "college Camping Club" and she thinks it would be a great idea to go camping because it's their last real summer and they don't really have to work. Wuh? Last week Ben was excited about his job in Boulder because he would have earned enough money to pay for his entire final year. Somehow during the past week he's become independently wealthy and doesn't have to worry about tuition. Did Avery pay for it as a goodbye gift? Anyway, Ben agrees to go and encourages Felicity to go back to the club and borrow the rest of the gear they'll need. A pall falls over the loft as Knoll enters. Felicity asks him what's going on, and he tells her, "Ruby's flight was delayed." Felicity seems surprised to hear that Ruby is coming to town for Knoll's graduation. Knoll grunts and leaves the room. Ben whispers, "Ever since you said 'no' to Seattle, he's been acting really weird." Ben and Felicity exchange a look.
Back in Dr. Pavone's office, Felicity confesses that she didn't tell Ben that Knoll kissed her. Dr. Pavone thinks that's "interesting." Felicity whines, "You're the one who said that kindness was more important that honesty." Dr. Pavone quickly points out that she wasn't making a judgment, and asks Felicity why she didn't tell Ben. Felicity maintains that it was because the kiss didn't mean anything, just like it didn't mean anything when Avery kissed Ben. She says that knowing about Avery and Ben's kiss didn't make her "feel any better"; besides, if Ben knew, he'd "hate Knoll forever." As opposed to his current plan to hate Knoll for the foreseeable future. Dr. Pavone wonders why it would matter if Ben hated Knoll forever since Knoll is no longer in her life. Felicity stammers that she's not ready to believe that her friendship with Knoll is over.
Knoll opens the door of the loft to find Ruby "Tuesday" Reboundgirl and her daughter, Eva "You're Not Havin' My Baby" Wadesdottir. Knoll seems barely animated, and when Ruby kisses him a little too long for it to be a "just friends" greeting, Knoll's eyes grow wide. After the kiss is over, he looks like he might need a dose of salts. Inside the loft, Knoll gets two bottles of water out of the fridge and marvels over how big Eva is. Ruby states that she's in the "eighty-fifth percentile." Knoll says, "Wow," but then has to ask what the eighty-fifth percentile means. Ruby gives a brief explanation of the infant growth chart and mentions that Eva "was so good on the flight." Knoll attributes Eva's health to Ruby's being a good mother, and declares that he can't believe she is a mother. Ruby agrees that it's hard to fathom. Knoll thanks her for coming; she says that she's been wanting to come for a long time, and that his graduation "was the perfect excuse." He smiles weakly and says she looks "great." She talks about how hard mothering is, but asserts that she has no regrets. Eva gurgles a bit. Knoll asks whether she was able to work things out with Wade. She says they tried but that they were "not meant to be." She asks, "How 'bout you? How's everyone?" As he starts to answer, Felicity comes in and rushes to hug Ruby. As Felicity gushes over the baby, Knoll is all shifty-eyed and still looks like he needs those salts, or perhaps some castor oil.
Elena "Looks Are Not Important" Tyler and DeForrest "For the Trees" Reboundboy walk off the elevator in the girls' building. He's carrying a large pink stuffed rabbit. She wonders, "Who gets on a roller coaster five times in row?" DeForrest announces, "A real man," and hands her the rabbit. They both stop dead in their tracks when they see Tracy "Don't Mess With A Missionary Man" Formervirgin loitering outside Elena's door. Elena asks what he's doing, and Tracy stands there stammering and shifty-eyed. The men in this show definitely need more fibre in their diets. Tracy says he's there to deliver an envelope. Elena asks him what it is; he hands it to her and tells her to read it. Tracy greets DeForrest, "What's up man?" They shake hands, and Elena apologizes for not introducing Tracy sooner. DeForrest says, "Yeah, what's happenin', man." Tracy looks at his shoes and says, "It's good to see you again." I guess he's directing that to Elena because I assume that he sees his feet on a regular basis. I mean, it's like he has to strain to his feet over a fat suit, like DeForrest. He mumbles, "It's nice meeting you, man" to DeForrest, then heads for the elevator. Elena glares at him over her shoulder as she unlocks the door.
Elena is reading Tracy's letter in the kitchen. Teal Thompson's "No Better Heaven" plays in the background. Molly "Exposition Girl" Bitplayer is sitting at the counter musing that "James would do exactly the same thing. Y'know, I'd just be on the brink of gettin' over him and he'd show up and the whole thing would start over again." Comparing Tracy and James is like comparing apples to homicidal crackheads. It's Scare Boy versus Prayer Boy. Cripes! I hardly think that the relationship a drug-addled, obsessive boyfriend has with his codependent gun-Molly is anything like the one Tracy and Elena had. Elena sharply says, "The whole thing is not starting over again." Molly thinks that Elena must be "way stronger" than she is. Robert Downey Jr. is way stronger than Molly is. Elena says she's not going to "go through it again," because Tracy lied to her. Molly solemnly whispers, "I know." Elena admits that she did the same thing to Tracy when she cheated with Finn, "but it was just too painful finding out about him and Rose." Elena mutters that Tracy wants to meet her the day, but she won't be going. Molly just stares with her too-tight pigtails and sky-high eyebrows.
In his bedroom at the loft, Ben is lying to someone on the phone about having to look after his sick aunt. He's holding the same letter that he'd stuffed into his pocket when Felicity came over to the loft with the camping gear. Felicity walks in and overhears some of the conversation. She asks him what is wrong with his aunt, and he replies that it's nothing; he was just trying to "get out of something." She babbles about getting a water purifier for their trip and then asks what he was trying to get of doing. He says, "Nothing," and she says she won't ask again if he doesn't want to talk about it. He says, "Okay," and she leaves the room. Her resolve lasts about five seconds before she comes back in and announces that she really wants to know what is going on. Ben hems and haws for a while, and then confesses that after seeing Avery revived by the paramedics, he applied to take an EMT training course for the summer in Kansas City, and he was accepted. Felicity excitedly asks, "You want to train to be a paramedic?" Ben mumbles some more about not really wanting to take the course. She pressures him to explain why he doesn't want to do it, and he says he has to come back to New York to take a test. She burbles that "it's amazing" that he got in. Nonetheless, he insists that he's not going because it's an intensive, three-month, eighteen-hour-a-day program, and they'd have to live in a bungalow. Besides, he states that they'd never get to see each other. She asks whether he's sure; he says he is, and reminds her that it's their "last summer," and he just wants to spend it with her. She says, "Okay," and smiles at him.
Meghan "Osh Kosh B'Goth" Rotundi walks into Sean "Uniballer" Blumberg's bedroom to find him sorting graduation ceremony tickets that he intends to scalp. She makes a snide comment about scalping and he informs her that he's "providing a service." She tosses a pair of plane tickets onto his bed. He looks at them and notes, "Switzerland." She mentions that her parents sent them because they'll be using their house in Tuscany this summer, so their house in Geneva will be available for Sean and Meghan. Sean whines that he's "embarrassed" and "emasculated" by her parents' planning and financing his summer vacation, and reminds her that Dr. Zwick (Teri Garr) said that they are a couple, "not two solo artists." Meghan is confused because they used her parents' house last summer, but Sean explains that it won't "build [his] self-esteem" to do so again. He suggests that they come up with a plan by themselves. She reluctantly agrees, but it is obvious that she doesn't understand why he'd refuse such a great opportunity.
Felicity is seated at a table in Epstein Bar. Sarah Harmer's melancholy "Don't Get Your Back Up" is the background music. I've heard that song about a million times recently. She's from Toronto and it's a good CD, so y'all should buy it. A server sets down a drink in front of her as Knoll approaches the table. They exchange "hey"s, and Knoll sits down. She thanks him for coming and he murmurs, "No problem." She asks how Ruby is, and he replies that she's "good." Felicity hands him a wrapped gift and announces that it's his graduation present. He opens it to reveal that it's book titled The Alphabet. She reminds him that it's the out-of-print book that inspired him in "sophomore year." Knoll frowns and stares at her, then looks away, saying that he can't accept it. She implores, "Knoll." He insists that he can't take it, nice as it is. She demands that he take it because she had so much trouble finding it. Knoll was apparently raised by wolves because he is unaware of the social rule, which states that all gifts must be accepted graciously. If, after you've written a sincere thank-you note, you decide that you don't care for the gift, you may dispose of it without ever telling the giver. Knoll stares, takes the book back, and chokes, "Thanks." He stares some more, and then gets up to go. Once again, Felicity implores, "Knoll." He mumbles that he really has to go. I have no idea why she is trying to engage this boob in normal human discourse when he is neither normal nor human. I hate Knoll.
Felicity and Ben are setting up a tent in the living room of the loft. She asks again whether he's sure about not going to Kansas City. He is definitely sure he wants to spend the summer with her, and adds that he wouldn't be "any good at that EMT stuff." Sean yells down from above that they have to get together to discuss what's happening with the loft for the summer. Ben shouts, "Do you think I could be a paramedic?" Sean laughs, "You couldn't even take your temperature." Felicity rhetorically asks, "Who cares what Sean thinks?" Sean says that he "heard that." Ben states that he wants to be with Felicity, and she unzips the tent and crawls into it. He asks her when she wants to leave for their trip, and she suggests, "Tomorrow." He wonders why she wants to go then; she'd miss Knoll's graduation, which happens to take place that day. She says that she's not going because Knoll doesn't want her there. Ben counters that he's sure Knoll does want her there. She insists that Knoll doesn't want her there, and zips up the tent from the inside. Ben sits there looking "in tents"; rather, Felicity is the "in tents" one.
Elena and Tracy are seated in a booth at Epstein Bar. This scene is played out to the strains of "Reason to Cry" by Darrin Bennett. Elena tells him that she hadn't intended to come, but that she wanted to tell him "in person." He wonders whether she's seeing anyone else, and she indicates that she's dating DeForrest. Tracy snarks, "The rabbit guy?" Elena affirms that's who it is, and asks whether he's still dating Rose. He says that he and Rose are finished. Elena angrily tells him that she resents being dumped because he couldn't handle not being celibate, only to have him "get it on" with his "missionary girlfriend." Tracy denies sleeping with Rose, and states he's only ever had sex with Elena. She confronts him about finding a condom in his wallet. He says he's had it since he was dating her and hasn't had any need for it since then. She asks whether he and Rose had sex, and he retorts that he's not a "player" nor a "Christian pimp." He launches into a speech about needing to be away from Elena and be with people who shared his values, which is why he went to Africa. He babbles about logic and making sense without actually making any sense. In the end, he says that Elena is the one for him, not Rose. Elena says, "I don't believe this." Tracy snipes that she shouldn't hold it against him even if he did sleep with Rose because Elena cheated on him with Finn. Elena looks confused. Tracy says that he won't give up on her. Elena tells him that she didn't think she'd be able to get over him, but she did, and she can't go through it again. She gets up and leaves the table.
Sean and Meghan have each made lists of places they'd like to go to for their holiday. He tells her to go first and she says, "Switzerland." He doesn't think that's funny. She says she mentioned it in case he had come to his senses and put it on his list. His first suggestion is Atlantic City. Meghan shoots that down because it's "ten minutes away," and suggests that they might as well spend the summer on the roof. Her suggestion is Hawaii. He moans that she isn't taking his financial situation into account; he doesn't think that is funny, either, and makes a nasty remark about her being "Daddy's little rich girl." She complains that he didn't have a problem with that last summer, and grabs his list. She sees Israel and jokingly asks whether they'd stay on a kibbutz. That's exactly what he had in mind. Meghan immediately puts the kibosh on the kibbutz with a minimum of kibitzing. I kid you not. He grabs her list, sees the Bahamas, and asks whether she thinks she's dating Bill Gates. She yells that she thought she was dating a guy "who was open-minded enough to let his girlfriend pay for a fun vacation, because she can." She reminds him that they're not living in the "Middle Ages" or "the eighties." He gets up and starts clucking and flapping his arms like a chicken. She asks what he's doing and he responds that Dr. Zwick said, "Clucking ends an argument." It ends relationships, too. However, I'm wondering if Sean maybe misheard the word "clucking." Meghan says that she thought they had agreed not to do that. Sean continues with some really over-the-top clucking. I'm sad to say that he kind of sounds like me when I'm in the midst of an asthma attack. Meghan shouts that she's not going to listen to any more, and leaves.
At the loft, Ben is sitting on the sofa and trying to stuff a rolled-up sleeping bag into its storage sleeve. Knoll saunters out of his room with a box of junk under his arm and offers to help. Ben asks him how he's going to get all of his stuff to the airport. Knoll says that his parents rented a car and will be taking most of his junk to their house. Ben thanks him for his help and starts to walk away. Knoll stops him and says, "I'm sorry, not, uh, not for anything in particular, and not for everything, but for not being very generous sometimes, or up front. Anyway, I uh, I just wanted to say goodbye on decent terms, so...[extends his hand to Ben]." Ben shakes Knoll's hand and says, "Thanks," to which Knoll replies, "Yeah." That was the most self-serving and half-assed apology I've ever heard. I hope you feel good about yourself, Knoll. You're a great guy. Ben is obviously so stupefied by Knoll's little speech that he's compelled to ask Knoll, "What's it like knowing what you want to do with your life?" Since what Knoll wants out of his life changes with the wind, I can only surmise that Ben must have been knocked sideways by Knoll's mea kinda culpa to have asked. Knoll admits that he's lucky, and philosophizes about the nature of Fate. Ben says that he thinks Knoll and Ruby "are really, really good together," and then thanks him for his help and leaves. Knoll engages in some "smell the fart" acting, and flares his Knollstrils, causing all the loose papers in the loft to flutter in the breeze.
Ruby, Knoll, and Eva are sitting en famille on a bench out on the street. Ruby enthuses, "That was fun, wasn't it?" Knoll answers, "Yeah." Ruby picks up Eva and feeds her a bottle. Knoll invites Ruby and Eva to join him and his parents for dinner. He notes that Ruby's wearing the bracelet he gave her before she left, and she says that it reminds her of him. Knoll quips that he has "horrible taste in jewellery," and she chides him that she's serious, and that wearing it makes her feel close to him. Knoll looks at her with a pained expression, which grows more strained when she confesses that she misses him.
Knoll walks into the loft to discover Felicity making a phone call. She hangs up and looks at Knoll, who walks by her without acknowledging her presence in any way. Felicity readies her bag to leave, and Knoll stomps out of his room to force her to take back the book she gave him. He thinks the book would remind him of her, and he doesn't care to be reminded of her. So why doesn't he just leave the damn thing behind in New York or donate it to Goodwill? For someone who claims to love Felicity, he sure doesn't mind hurting her at every opportunity. She takes the book and gives him a hairy eyeball before leaving. A few seconds later, there's a knock on the door. Knoll answers it and finds Felicity, who says, "You can't just dump your friends because you're freaking out." Knoll denies that he's freaking out because of graduation and shouts, "I'm terrified that you're going to stay alive in my life, that I'm going to move across the country and still not be able to get away from you." Felicity blurts, "Thank you. Now I'm an evil presence in your life." Knoll says that he doesn't think she's evil, "just completely unhealthy." Felicity rails that he's being "completely selfish" in acting the way he is just because they can't date. Too bloody right, Felicity. She throws the book at his feet and declares that she's not taking it back, then heads for the elevator. Knoll whines that he's not being the selfish one, and that he only wants her out of his life. She yells, "I'm going," and runs into Ruby, who is just exiting the elevator. Ruby looks back and forth between Felicity and Knoll, with a hurt look on her face. Knoll stands there stunned.
Knoll is back in front of the mirror getting ready for his graduation. His voice-over continues rambling about the end of his friendship with Felicity, and that the argument was the "final nail in the coffin." He wonders whether that's what he'll always remember about her. The scene shifts to him grimly marching along in slow motion with all the other graduands, who appear to be having the time of their lives. He remembers the only answer he missed on a high-school Biology test, and compares that to insulting the woman he loves. Whatever, Knoll.
Felicity is back in Dr. Pavone's office regretting everything she said to Knoll. Dr. Pavone thinks that Felicity's was a "healthy response." Felicity rends her figurative garments while Dr. Pavone counsels that she is experiencing what Elizabeth Kubler-Ross characterizesas the five stages of grief. Felicity is skeptical until Dr. Pavone points out that the end of a relationship is a death. Felicity is determined to go to the graduation ceremony, and Dr. Pavone wonders what she plans to say to Knoll. Felicity says that she'll say she's sorry, and that she cares about him. As she says that she'll talk about all the things they've been through and survived, we cut to her striding down the street. Then we see Knoll sitting in the audience waiting for his turn to go up on stage. Felicity's voice-over states that she's always thought Knoll would be a part of her future as she joins Ben, Molly, Ruby, Meghan, Sean, and Javier near the doorway. Knoll walks up to the podium and his name is announced, "Knoll David Crane." I had to listen to the tape a number of times to discern that his middle was David and not Edith, which is what it really sounded like. Felicity blah-blahs some more and finishes by saying that she'd "ask him to go get some ice cream."
Outside the hall, Javier "High Anxiety" Quintata rushes to congratulate Knoll. Javier's appearance is far too short in this episode. He does manage to offer Knoll a job if "this whole Seattle thing doesn't work out." Knoll thanks him and then goes to talk to Ruby. She hugs him and congratulates him on her and Eva's behalf. He thanks them and asks her whether the reason she came to town was to find out if they could get back together. She says yes and asks whether they have a chance. He says, "It's not because I don't care about you Ruby." She asks whether it's because he's still in love with Felicity. He just gapes at her without saying anything. The baby begins to squall and Ruby announces that it's Eva's naptime. She silently hugs Knoll.
Knoll approaches Ben and Felicity, who are chatting outside the hall. Ben extends his congratulations and Knoll asks to speak with Felicity for a moment. Ben and Felicity look at each other, and then she walks outside with Knoll. He apologizes. She says that she "understands" and that he was right -- she was being selfish. Typically, Knoll doesn't admit his culpability because he's a big knob. Knoll's mother -- played by Brynn Thayer, whom I remember as Jenny Wolek from One Life to Live, way back when I watched it in junior high school -- runs up and says she's been looking for him. Funny, she doesn't look like a wolf. He introduces her to Felicity and Mrs. Crane prattles that she's heard so much about her. Mrs. Crane insists upon taking a photo of them together. Felicity smiles, and Knoll still looks constipated. Mrs. Crane arranges to meet up with Knoll in a few minutes so that they can go have lunch. Felicity wishes him good luck in Seattle. He says, "Good luck in New York" and walks away.
Felicity is packing a suitcase in her room when Ben arrives. He beats around the bush for a while before saying that he has decided that he wants to go to Kansas City for the EMT program. He asks whether she'll come along. She says she won't go, but insists that he go. He says he wants to be with her, but Felicity persists until he agrees to go on his own. Catie Curtis trills out "Troubled Mind" as they tell each other how much they'll miss each other.
Elena goes to DeForrest's place to sound the death knell of their relationship. As soon as he answers the door and sees her, he knows exactly why she's there. Elena apologizes, and he explains that he's "been through this a lot of times." DeForrest says that he understands, and that he'll see her around. After DeForrest has turned away, Elena claims that she "didn't know any of this was going to happen." He believes her, and she begs him not to doubt that she cares about him. He wishes her good luck with Tracy. She asks him to be mean to her so she doesn't "feel like such an idiot" for dumping him. He declares that he doesn't want to be mean to her. Ah, this is what it sounds like when doves cry.
Meghan walks into the loft living room and finds Sean going through the camping equipment. When she wonders what he's doing, he informs her that they're going camping for their vacation. He explains that Felicity and Ben aren't going camping, so he's taken the gear so they can use it while Felicity stays in the loft. Meghan seems to resign herself to becoming one with nature until they both realize how completely out of their element they'd be in the great outdoors. Sean asks whether there's a personal chef at her family's house in Switzerland. Meghan confirms that there is, and Sean suggests that they go there. When Meghan asks how he'll deal with getting a free vacation, he offers to pay for the cab ride to the airport.
Ben and Felicity are out on the street, saying goodbye in front of his taxi. Ben says, "I'm probably just going to go to the airport and come back." Felicity says, "We're going to be okay, right?" and Ben says, "Yeah." They hug as Liz Jackson's "Any Other Way" strikes up. He gets into the cab and it pulls away.
Knoll is dictating his letter to Felicity into a tape recorder. As his voice-over drones on, Felicity is packing up her stuff in her room. She spies a box labelled "Our Official Time Capsule" on her bed. As she opens it, Knoll says that he doesn't know where to start, so he'll start with goodbye. Inside the box there's a Magic Eight Ball, a water pistol, campaign buttons from Felicity's run for student council president, Boggle, and various other junk. As she examines everything, Knoll apologizes and states that he knows that they'll "get through this." As Felicity picks up an audiocassette, we hear Knoll saying, "Have a great summer. I'll miss you more than you know. Love, Knoll."
Elena is in the living room packing up her stuff when Tracy barges in. He says, "I told you I wasn't giving up on you." She sighs, "You know, you really should call before just showing up." Tracy says he knows, because it would have been embarrassing if DeForrest had been there. Elena tells him that she and DeForrest broke up; while she has her back turned, Tracy grins and does a little "Yes!" type of movement. She tells him not to "read anything into that" because it doesn't mean that she wants Tracy to be her boyfriend now. He says, "I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore." She says, "What?" He drops to his knees, opens a ring box, and says, "I want to be your husband." Elena puts her hand to her mouth, yelps, says, "Omigod," and then collapses.
Felicity is in the living room of the loft, eating toast and folding laundry. She hears a key in the door and looks to see who is coming in. Sadly, it's Knoll. They regard each other with surprise; she asks what he's doing there. He says, "The internet's dead. My project was cancelled. I guess it...apparently it doesn't matter." The internet is not dead, but you don't matter, Knoll. I knew that his job offer would go south. He asks why she hasn't gone camping, and she tells him that Ben has gone to Kansas City without her. The Knollstrils flare and he nods, commenting, "EMT." She asks him whether he wants to go get ice cream. He smiles, and in the second they're on the street eating ice cream in slow motion. I'm hoping against hope that Ben really does decide not to go away, turns around, and goes right home, because I can't stand the thought of Knoll's trying to worm his way further into Felicity's life over the summer. We'll have at least four months to conjecture. See you on the boards.