Previously on Felicity: Elena missed Tracy; Sean lost a testicle; James moved into the girls' apartment and coerced Molly to try crack; Ben and Felicity discovered James's gun and booted Molly out of the apartment.
Felicity walks off the elevator reading a letter. When she's two steps away from the elevator, she turns around goes right back to it and pushes the button.
Cut to Felicity walking down the hall at school, and into Professor Boyden's office. It seems that Felicity thought that she had dropped his course, "Intro to Western Thought," at the beginning of the semester, but the school never received the "Drop Class" form. The professor looks in a folder and pronounces, "You're in my class and you're going to fail." What kind of a philosophical attitude is that? Is he a determinist or what? Felicity is stunned and starts stammering that she'll go to the registrar's office to clear up the problem. ["My dad is a university registrar so I choose to take that as a shout-out." -- Wing Chun] Professor "No Exit" Boyden states that "it's December; it's too late to drop a class." Felicity calls the whole thing a "nightmare" and pleadingly asks him what to do. He says, "I don't know." She then asks how much the final exam counts for and finds out that it's worth fifty percent of the grade. When she asks if she would pass the course if she got an A on the exam, the prof states that students who have been to all of the classes won't get As. Felicity sighs and leaves his office.
Cut to Felicity barging into the bathroom while Meghan is in the shower, demanding to know if she mailed her "Drop Class" form for her. Meghan shouts that she's taking a shower but Felicity keeps badgering her until she comes out, wearing a zebra-print towel, and goes to the drawer where she keeps her papers. She discovers the envelope there along with the subscription form to a Wiccan magazine that she was going to mail. Felicity freaks out and Meghan apologizes. Felicity shouts about having to take the final, which Meghan doesn't think is a big deal because Felicity is "smart." Well, she's not smart enough to have followed up on the paperwork. What a dumb plot twist. Why couldn't Felicity have dropped the course in person or online? Why didn't it occur to her to make sure that she had indeed dropped it? Why is she considering taking the final exam? What the hell difference would one F make? ["Wouldn't she go to the registrar's office anyway to find out whether she could take an incomplete? Or look at the student handbook to determine whether 0 grades even count on her transcript? (At my school, they didn't.)" -- Wing Chun] Am I being too philosophical? None of these questions is likely to be answered to my satisfaction in this episode.
In the kitchen, Felicity is telling Ben that she only has three days to prepare for the Philosophy final, as well as help Knoll with Loser Pet Store. Molly comes in, looking like ten miles of rough road, to pick up some of her stuff. Felicity bleats to her to get help and Ben tosses in a "c'mon, Molly," but she mumbles, "Don't worry about me," and leaves.
On Sean's sleeping platform at the loft, Meghan murmurs some bland, sweet nothings about "trying again" while he sits morosely on the end of the bed. He leaves and she follows him downstairs talking about "giving it some time." He protests that they've given it four weeks. As they start to discuss his apparent impotence, Richard bursts in proclaiming himself "the most brilliant president in student body history." Why don't these people lock their damn doors? Richard looks at the tableau that he's stumbled upon and asks if they've just had sex or if they're just about to. Sean asks him to get to the point. Richard has dreamt up an idea to bolster the "student fund," which is to produce a calendar full of pictures of "scantily clad" co-eds. Meghan points out that will only appeal to a limited market, and that he needs two calendars. Richard claims that since he's still not gay, he won't be able to pick out models for the male calendar, and Meghan offers to do it. Bitchard snorts, "Right, as if you know when a guy's cute." It's not like she's suggesting that you be one of the models, dude. Sean takes exception to the remark and stomps upstairs. Meghan calls Richard "insensitive" and follows Sean. Bitchard yells after them and asks to come up. A second later, he is felled by pillow thrown from above.
Felicity and Knoll go to see Professor Morrison at Icebox.com. He compliments Felicity's work and tells them that there's one production slot about to open up and that, to be considered for it, they have to "have a detailed outline of the first cartoon, and two- or three-paragraph descriptions of the twenty episodes." Felicity is aghast at the request for twenty outlines and she tries to back out of it, but Knoll agrees to do it.
Elena and Tracy walk out of a building together, discussing an exam question. She keeps walking but Tracy stops and says, "This is the part where we usually go grab a bite and then go to the park and hang out for a while, and then go back to your place or mine, and make out until it drove [sic] us insane." Elena smiles and nods and Tracy declares it to be "a mess." She counters that "it doesn't have to be." He snipes, "It's not your place to say," then tells her that he spoke to his minister about the situation. The minister advised Tracy that he has to decide whether to let go of the past or not, and whether to forgive or not. Elena states that she hopes he'll forgive her. Well, good luck with that. Tracy sticks out his hand for her shake and says, "Friends?" Elena takes his hand and concedes that "it's a start." They awkwardly part company.
Felicity and Ben are walking down the street and she's still complaining about the philosophy course and the "giant book" she has to read. Ben commiserates that he hated that book when he took the course. She asks what he got on the final, and he admits to getting a C. Then she starts in about having to come up with twenty ideas for Loser Pet Store. Ben urges her to get out of helping, Knoll but she whines that she doesn't want to because "it's cool." Eventually, she agrees that he's right and that she can't do everything. Omigod, Felicity, take the F!
At Epstein Bar, Knoll is gushing to Felicity and Ben that she is saving his life by working on the project with him. He's envisioned his future he has a successful "home office graphics company." ["Another shout-out. Knoll, you are not and never will be Glark, so give it up." -- Wing Chun] She tries to interrupt, but he drones on that he saw Felicity working with him. She says, "Really?" Ben says, "That's unbelievable." I'm with Ben; I predict that Felicity will outgrow Knoll and his buffoonery before she's finished college. Knoll blah-blahs more, then gets up to get them some drinks. When he's gone, Ben says to Felicity, "Way to lay down the law." She vows to tell Knoll that she can't work with him. Molly, who's now looking only like five miles of rough road, enters the bar and comes to their table. She apologizes for the way she acted earlier and Felicity invites her to sit down. Molly tells them that she won't because she's there to meet James. She adds that it's not that she doesn't "appreciate what [they're] trying to do," it's just that she can't walk away from James very easily. Felicity reminds her to take care of herself. James walks in and demands, "What are you doing? Just hanging out with your friends who kicked you out of the apartment?" You can barely see the strings on Molly's arms and legs. Molly tries to get him to leave, but James is trying to work a tough 'tude and menaces Ben and Felicity. When Knoll comes back with a pitcher of beer and asks, "What's going on?" James starts in on him. Ben tells James to drop it, but Gepetto says that Molly doesn't need any of them. Molly apologizes, and Gepetto orders her not to apologize for him. She starts to make her way to the door. James warns them to "stay away from her, don't even talk to her." Ben and Felicity don't look like they're buying his tough-guy schtick.
Felicity opens the door to Ben's bedroom, with Knoll on her heels. He's still blabbering about Loserville until he realizes that Ben is probably trying to sleep. Felicity creeps into bed and Ben says hello. She says that she didn't want to wake him up, but then she turns on the light by her side of the bed. He guesses that she hasn't told Knoll that she wants out of Loserville, and she admits that she hasn't. Ben says that she can't work with Knoll all hours of the night and then start studying for the exam. Felicity whines that she wants to do both things and Ben wishes her luck. They kiss and he rolls over to sleep while she starts reading her book.
Meghan, Sean, and Richard are interviewing a male student for the beefcake calendar. Richard's questions are perfunctory, and he takes a Polaroid of the current shirtless candidate. Meghan gets up and flicks the guy's pecs and asks if they're real. He replies, "What do you think?" I think they're real and they're spectacular. She thanks him for coming in and tells him to call in the person. Sean bitches at Meghan for feeling up the last guy and she asks, "Do you think I like looking at these guys?" Sean thinks she "loves" looking at them. Meghan states that she's doing it for the calendar. up is a young woman, Veronica. Suddenly, Sean's and Richard's questions are more animated and they chuckle over her responses, one of which is that she likes to "pray for world peace," which evokes an eye roll from Meghan. One of Veronica's dislikes is "loud people." ["When I first saw it, I thought she said 'black people.' I think mine is better, considering they wanted to make her annoying and unlikable." -- Wing Chun] Immediately, Meghan shouts, "Okay, thanks for coming in!" Sean and Richard protest that they have to see her in a bikini, so she removes her shirt to reveal a bikini top. They're both speechless, and Richard drools as he takes her picture. Sean tells her to pick a month, and she chooses June. They babble after she leaves and Meghan tells Sean that she's going to buy him a "drool cup" as a Chanukah gift. He denies fawning over Veronica, then blurts, "Don't get mad at me because she's hot!" Meghan storms off and Richard asks Sean what's wrong with them. Sean says nothing is wrong. Richard warns him to "act professional" because he's "creeping out the models and the president."
At an Al-Anon meeting, Molly says that James is using and dealing again, and that she's using, too. She knows it's wrong, but she can't help herself. When the meeting breaks up, Ben approaches Molly to admonish her for staying with James. She says that he's only dealing to get by and that he's promised that he's going to "get clean." Ben asks, "Do you believe him?" She says, "I have to, Ben. I love him," then walks away.
A videocamera zooms in on the shirtless torso of a young man. The camera pans down to his jeans-clad crotch and the guy asks, "Can you see me okay? I've got a really nice body." Meghan murmurs, "Oh, yeah, yeah. We can all see that." Sean charges in front of the guy, whose name is Joe, and tries to take the camera away. Meghan asks Joe what his major is and before he can answer, Sean states that she's spending too much time talking to Joe. Round four thousand of the Rotundi/Blumberg bout begins and Richard snipes, "You're bickering. You're like my parents all of a sudden. And believe me, when you meet them, you will not be flattered." I think it's safe to say that no one would be flattered to be compared to anyone in Bitchard's family. Tracy and Elena waltz in so that she can give Meghan her keys. Tracy and Elena flip through the Polaroids and she tells him not to look too closely. Elena leaves for class and Tracy seems pleased that so many girls want to be in the calendar. Meghan orders to Tracy to take off his shirt, which he does. She considers his fairly buff chest for a moment and then says, "You're in."
At the girls' apartment, Knoll and Felicity are working on Loserville. Knoll tells her a few of his ideas, and then asks for hers. Everything Felicity comes up with, she's already mentioned before. He browbeats her and accuses her of not thinking that the project is important. She starts crying and he claims that the only reason he's being pushy is because they're facing such a deadline. Felicity says that she wants to get on with it and "get the stupid thing out of the way." Naturally, Knoll freaks when she refers to it as stupid, and he says he'll finish it himself, then runs out. It is stupid, and I think I'll refer to it as "Stupid Cartoon Premise," from now on. She goes running after him, and when she gets to the door, Molly walks through it. Molly cries, "Something's happened," and she wants to move back. Felicity says, "Okay," and closes the door.
At the loft, Knoll complains to Ben that "Felicity's not being a very good friend" because she won't drop everything to work on Stupid Cartoon Premise with him. Ben listens to him trash talk for a few seconds, then tells Knoll about Felicity's full schedule. Knoll is somewhat chastened and Ben admits that he told Felicity to abandon him. Knoll is less than impressed with Ben's advice. The phone rings and Ben answers it, then leaves in a hurry.
Molly, Ben, and Felicity are seated in the girls' living room, and Molly tells them that James pulled a gun on her in the hotel room where they're staying. She excuses his behaviour because "he was really, really high." Ben tells her there's no excuse for James to do that. Molly doesn't think that James will have realized that she's gone yet and she wants to go back to the hotel because he'll be angry if she's not there. They try to calm her down and she whimpers about not being able to breathe without him. When she says that she's worried that "something bad" will happen to him, Felicity informs her that something bad could happen to her if she goes back.
Sean and Meghan argue about the merits of the various candidates they've seen. Richard yells at them to shut up, because if he has to spend any more time with them, he'll "cut off" his head. Just for that, I want the Bickersons to keep it up. Meghan tells that Richard that their problem is sexual tension. Richard guesses that they haven't had "the sex" since Sean's surgery. "The sex"? He may have done the deed, but he isn't au courant with the terminology, is he? Sean and Meghan keep sniping until Sean storms out. Elena comes in when Sean is on his way out, and asks, "What's his problem?" Richard retorts, "His penis, apparently." Elena wants to know if Tracy mentioned where he was going. Elena hands her a Polaroid of Tracy and Elena flips out. She doesn't want Tracy to participate in the calendar. Richard tells her that he was the "best chunk of hunk" that they saw all day. Elena yells that Tracy is very religious and they can't "make a mockery of that." Richard promises that he'll write a "sweet" caption for the photo like, "a virgin -- proud of it." That does nothing to appease Elena because she thinks that "every girl in school will be after him" and she won't have a chance. Richard advises her to go talk to Tracy and she leaves in a huff. Has anyone in this episode left a room in a civilized manner? Meghan cracks, "It's not like he's going to have sex with her anyway." ["Under the circumstances, I'd think Meghan should keep such remarks to herself." -- Wing Chun]
Ben and Molly are in the waiting room of the clinic. She's squirming in her seat, and Ben asks if she's okay. She says that James is probably looking for her everywhere. Ben predicts that he won't come to a rehab clinic to look for her, and that she's safe there. Molly laughs that she'd like to stay there for a couple of years, in that case. Ben brings up that fact that, despite what he knows about her from the Al-Anon meetings, he doesn't really know her at all. She thinks it's "ironic" that someone saying he doesn't know her is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to her.
At her apartment, Knoll is grovelling for Felicity's forgiveness. She says that she should have told him what was going on and he agrees with her but admits he was sort of a jerk. That's the understatement of the year. She wonders if they can get an extension and he calls Professor Morrison to ask for one. Knoll is told that there's no chance of an extension, but he doesn't let on during the conversation. He tells Felicity that they have until Monday, instead of Friday. Then, he promises to her that she'll get an A on the exam, with his help. This course is the one that he "TA-ed" last year. She thanks him and gives him a hug. ["That was dumb. Why didn't Ben point that out to Felicity and suggest that she ask Knoll for help in the first place?" -- Wing Chun]
Tracy walks out of a classroom to find Elena waiting there, with her bitch on. She calls him a hypocrite for wanting to pose for the calendar, and he tells her that after what's happened, she doesn't get to call him names for "another hundred years." She rages, "You say you're all about your virginity, yet you flaunt yourself to the world?!?" Elena, honey, you can be a sexual being while still being a virgin. That's what he was doing during all those make-out sessions. Tracy says he's doing it for the good of the student fund. Elena is annoyed that he didn't even ask her what she thought of him posing. He reminds her that she isn't his girlfriend, she's just a friend. She shouts that she can't be his friend, and -- everyone say it along with me -- STORMS OFF.
Knoll is grilling Felicity...uh, I mean, "helping her study for the exam." Felicity whines that she's going to fail, but Knoll encourages her to carry on. James bursts in and runs down the hall to the living room. Knoll says, "You should lock your door," and Ben says he thought that he had. James demands to know where Molly is. Felicity says she isn't there and James yells, "If you're lying...!" Knoll jumps up and tells James not to threaten Felicity. Ben tells James to calm down and suddenly Molly appears to say that she needed some time to herself. James orders Molly to come with him, and she whines that she doesn't want to go. The situation escalates and then Ben says, "I'm sure you're a nice guy and you just want her to go with you, I understand that, but she...she just wants to sleep for a little bit. Why don't you let her sleep? None of us wants anything ugly to happen here." James considers that for a moment, then reaches into his inside coat pocket and pulls out a...cigarette. He lights it, looks around with his wild eyes, and says, "Yeah, okay." Too bad Richard wasn't there because I can imagine him saying, "We don't allow smoking in this apartment," and then James would have blown his head off. James orders Molly to "sleep, or whatever," says he'll see her later, and leaves.
Felicity and Knoll are leaving the apartment to go study at the library all night, and she's worried about Ben's staying in the apartment with Molly, in case James comes back. Ben insists he'll be fine. Felicity tells him that she was really proud of the way he handled James. Ben admits that he was trying not to wet his pants at the time. He wishes her luck on the final and she leaves. He looks in on Molly, who is sleeping.
At the library, Felicity is ready to give up because she's exhausted and barely coherent. Knoll pushes her to continue studying because he has "faith" that she can do anything she wants, and he has felt like that ever since he met her. Then he tells her to focus because he's there "sacrificing what little time [he has] to study for [his] own finals," and not everyone would benefit from his largesse. He wants "this to be one of those nights [they] look back on when [they're] old," so that they can reminisce about the "all-nighter" they pulled. There he goes again, presuming that Felicity will even want to acknowledge his existence in years to come. He says that she's saving his ass with Stupid Cartoon Premise and he's going to save hers "with Western Thought." Felicity rallies and says, "Let's do it."
Ben is asleep on the sofa when Molly comes out, wrapped in a blanket. She tells Ben that she needs to break up with James, and that she has to do it in person. Ben cautions her against seeing James again, but she maintains that James would never hurt her. Ben thinks she should do it in a public place; he says he'll go with her, but stay out of the way.
Felicity is in a classroom, working on the exam, while Professor Jean-Paul Boyden hovers nearby.
Someone is pounding on the apartment door and Elena answers it to find Tracy. He's there to tell her that they can't be friends anymore...and takes her in his arms.
Knoll is sitting on the sofa at the loft when Felicity returns from the exam. She says that during the exam she kept hearing his voice in her head -- "it was annoying but helpful." She declares him to be a good friend and he insists that he isn't and confesses to lying about getting an extension for Stupid Cartoon Premise. By the time he says that they'll have to "pull another all-nighter," Felicity has fallen asleep.
Meghan, Sean, and Richard are seated at a table at Epstein Bar. Richard declares, "That's it, then. We've got ourselves a calendar." Meghan and Sean are less than enthusiastic and Sean sarcastically says, "It'll be something to tell the grandkids." Bitchard says, "Grandkids? That's a bit ambitious, dontcha think? Maybe you should get that little equipment problem looked at first." Sean begins to protest, but Bitchard ignores him and offers to leave the extra Polaroids for Meghan "for fantasies, in case things don't work out." She orders him to leave and he does. Sean flips through the photos and moans that he'll never look like any of those guys. They talk for a minute and both discover that they still want each other. They kiss, then Meghan looks down at Sean's lap and says, "Whoa. Hey, welcome home!" Sean suggests they leave, and they do.
Ben is standing across the street, watching Molly meet up with James, while Macy Gray's "Still" plays in the background. Anyway, Molly tries to say goodbye and she chokes; tries to walk away and she stumbles. Though she tries to hide it, it's clear, her world crumbles when James is not near. Ben watches helplessly as Molly and James hug and walk off together.
Meghan and Sean and bask in their post-coital glow at the loft, since they both still light up like candles burning when they're with each other. They hug and the scene morphs from Sean and Meghan being in bed to Elena rolling off of Tracy. She enthuses, "Oh, myyyyy God!" and giggles like a Sex-O-Matic Venus Freak. It's all much too much for Tracy and he croaks out, "Mm hmm."
Just one more episode before that atrocity Jack and Jill reappears. Please note that MBTV will not be recapping it, so don't even ask. ["WORD." -- Wing Chun]