Previously on Felicity: Sean wants to skip the surgery; Finn and Elena kiss; Ben freaks out when Felicity confronts him about beating up Randy; Randy's frat brothers kick the hell out of Ben.
Felicity brings Ben home from the hospital. He's got his arm in a sling, not unlike a hanging chad, and she has to help him off with his coat and get him settled onto the sofa in the loft. Knoll appears and declares that Ben looks worse than he thought he would. Ben doesn't appreciate Knoll's commentary and tells him so. Felicity arranges with Knoll to cover Ben's shifts at Dean & Deluca, for which Ben is grateful. The phone rings and Felicity runs to get it. Ben asks Knoll where he's off to, and Knoll says he's going to a graphic arts lecture. It's Ben's father, Mr. "Jack Tripper" Covington on the phone. Felicity has to lie and say that Ben is in the shower because he won't take the phone. While she's getting Jack's phone numbers, Ben keeps telling her to hang up. Hearing your voice in the background is sure to convince your dad that you can't take the phone, Ben. It turns out that Jack flew into town because the hospital called him since his name "is on [Ben's] insurance." Ben claims that the only reason his father is doing this is because Mrs. Covington is in Europe, and his dad wants to say, "Hey, look what I did for Ben." Felicity urges Ben to call his dad but he says he has nothing to say to him.
Knoll is out on the street when he sees Jane. He runs up to her and starts talking to her. Clearly, she has no idea who he is. When he refreshes her memory, she doesn't look all that impressed. He asks if she was at the graphics lecture, and she breaks it to him that she only uses her computer for "e-mail and homework." Knoll wonders if she likes sushi, and Jane tells him about getting so sick the last time she ate it, that she won't even eat rice now. Knoll flounders and compares her experience to the time he ate Play-Doh, "which, it turns out you're not supposed to eat anyway." Jane claims that she has class and has to get going as she shiftily looks around for a way to get far, far away from Knoll. He mumbles, "Class is good. Class is good. That's why we're all here." Jane mindlessly agrees so that she can finally make her escape. When she's left, Knoll repeats to himself, "Class is good. I'm an idiot." While I happen to agree, I don't think that calling yourself an idiot in public will dissuade anyone from agreeing with you.
At the girls' apartment, Felicity has a bite to eat in the living room, then gets up and dances into the kitchen. She's quite happy to bop around without a care in the world the day after her boyfriend gets the tar beaten out of him in retaliation for the can of whup-ass he opened up on a frat boy. Apparently, all's right in her world, while back here on Earth, I'd be seriously contemplating dumping a boyfriend who is so angry. As she's gettin' down and then back up again, Ben's dad comes in through the unlocked door and scares her when she finally notices him standing there. She blabbers about leaving the door unlocked because "all of the other suites' leave theirs [sic] unlocked," and it would seem "antisocial" not to do so. And if by "antisocial," you mean "dangerous" and "foolhardy," I'd have to agree. Jack Tripper establishes that she is Felicity, and she reminds him of the time they met a few years ago in Palo Alto. That must have been at the end of her cross-country trip with Ben. Jack explains that he called back and spoke to Sean, who told him where Felicity was. I'm not sure how he managed to speak to Sean, since he's probably still in the hospital. I suppose Sean might have had his calls forwarded, but that wouldn't be too convenient for Knoll and Ben, who are actually living in the loft. Or maybe Jack was wasted and he only thinks he spoke to Sean. Whatever. Jack declares that he wants to talk to Felicity about Ben. He guesses that Ben wasn't really in the shower when he called earlier. She tries to cover for Ben and makes a statement about Jack finally having something worthwhile to say to Ben since he's been going to AA. He says, "I know that I'll sound like a cult follower when I say this, but there's this amazing program, Al-Anon. It's for families of alcoholics. And I know it would really help Ben." He wants Felicity to convince Ben to go and to realize that the only reason he (his father) came to New York was because he's worried about Ben. Felicity reluctantly agrees to do what she can.
Meghan is sitting by Sean's hospital bed, having just arrived with some candles that he asked her to bring. He explains that he is going to start living by the commandments because he made a deal with God before his operation that if he pulled through, he'd become more religious. As I've said before, I don't really know all that much about the Judeo-Christian concept of God, but I don't think that He is all that open to making deals. The deal is, as I understand it, that you live and die by His mercy. End of the greatest story ever told. Sean, your copy of The Art of the Deal won't be of much help to you in this case. Sean introduces her to his roommate, Mr. Morgenstern, whom he has confirmed moments before, is also Jewish. Morgenstern means "morningstar," which I guess means that this guy will be guiding Sean in some way. Sean then asks Meghan to turn on the light for him because the Torah says that he can't "operate electronic gadgets during the Sabbath." When Meghan wonders if the word "gadget" actually appears in the Torah, Sean snipes, "Can you not blaspheme, please!" So, imagining that your Supreme Being enters into tit-for-tat negotiations with whiny pissants even though He is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, isn't blasphemy? I've got a lot to learn about religion.
At the girls' apartment, Knoll is badgering Elena about being his "moral centre." She wants him to make it quick because she has a test in three hours. He tells her about Jane and how wonderful she is and that he has access to her e-mail account. Elena is horrified that he would dream of exploiting the situation for his own gain. As she's saying, "Trust me, lies ruin everything," Tracy comes in with the word "irony" tattooed on his forehead. Okay, it isn't, but it might as well be. He's all excited about the fact that the paper that Elena worked on with Finn is about to be published. Elena congratulates Tracy, and he tells her that she is responsible for his success and that they are going to go out with Finn to celebrate. Elena is discomfited by Tracy's enthusiasm as they pick up their books to go study. On her way out of the room, she pleads with Knoll, "Don't do it." Tracy wants to know what she's talking, about and Knoll says he has no idea. When they've left, Knoll sits down with his laptop, into which he has just plugged the phone cable. Dude, don't you have a home? Do you have to commit your illegal activities in someone else's apartment? As he's logging into Jane's e-mail, he glances over his shoulder, then starts snooping in earnest.
Felicity is fastening a small basketball hoop into place at the loft. She tosses what looks like a Nerf basketball to Ben, who thanks her for the hoop and ball. She confesses that it is a gift from his dad. He immediately wants nothing to do with the ball and puts it away. He complains about his father, and she tries to get Ben to consider seeing him. Ben is adamant until Felicity asks him to do it for her. He sighs and leans back into the sofa.
Elena joins Finn who is sitting at a table by himself at Epstein Bar. She congratulates him and then says that she can't go out with him and Tracy and, furthermore, what happened was a mistake and it can't ever happen again because she loves Tracy. Finn comments, "You've got a weird way of showing it." She suggests that just he and Tracy go out together, and he says that he already had other plans and he abruptly leaves the table. Elena sits there looking miserable.
Felicity walks into her apartment and before she can get her coat off, Mr. Covington knocks on the door. He explains that he was having coffee across the street and he saw her come home. Whoa, that's fairly stalkeresque behaviour. Stalking can't be one of the twelve steps. She asks him in, and he wants to know if she spoke to Ben. He guesses from the look on her face that it didn't go well and says, "I've lost him, haven't I?" Felicity murmurs that Ben "needs some time." Ben's father gets all maudlin about coming to make amends with Ben because he had "nothing to lose because [he's] lost it already." Dude, you've completely lost me. Felicity gives him a pitying look and then he breaks down. He starts sobbing, and Felicity gives him a hug and makes some sympathetic noises. He begins to nuzzle her neck, then he drags his lips across her cheek to her mouth. Before he can kiss her lips, she withdraws from the embrace and says, "Um." He says, "Uh, no. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Oh, God," as he runs out the door. Keri Russell was quite effective at looking shocked and completely bewildered and a little bit disgusted in this scene. Won't Jack ever learn? Janet and Chrissie never put up with that kind of crap from him.
Felicity walks into the loft to discover Ben up and playing with the ball and hoop. He says that he's been looking for her, and she tells him that his father came to her apartment again. Ben admits that he's been thinking about what she said, and he's now ready to give his father another chance if she thinks he should. Felicity stammers that she thinks he should try to "patch things up" with his dad.
Molly is sitting at the counter writing something when Meghan takes a bottle out of the fridge and asks Molly if she can have it. Molly says yes, it's only cooking wine. Meghan explains that she needs it for the Sabbath for Sean because he's now "ultra Jewish." Always ready with anecdote, Molly regales Meghan with a tale about a friend who got hit by a car and then thought she was the Virgin Mary. Meghan hands her a list of things Sean wants and asks for help deciphering it. Molly exclaims that she didn't know Kit Kats were kosher, and Meghan confesses that she's buying them for herself.
Tracy meets up with Finn and another guy in a school corridor. The Other Guy is all hot to tell Tracy about Professor McGrath being hit with a sexual harassment complaint. Tracy wonders, "Who'd wanna get down with the Prince of Darkness?" and Other Guy says there's a whole list of girls who did, and he shoves a paper into Tracy's face and tells him to "check it out!" Finn grabs the list from Tracy and then says that he won't be able to go out with him and Elena that night. Other Guy snatches back the paper and says that one of his friends is on the student disciplinary committee and the list is real. Tracy reads it and sees Elena's name on it. Finn tries to defend Elena and says that the list can't be for real, but Other Guy insists it's "legit."
Elena walks into her apartment with a laundry basket, and Knoll is following on her heels with printouts of Jane's e-mails. Elena shouts that she doesn't want to hear about them, but her protests fall on deaf ears as Knoll enumerates all of Jane's personal habits and likes and dislikes, which novel she's just read, and the fact that she has a yoga class that day at the rec centre. Elena demands, "Y'know, you're not getting anywhere with this, right?" Knoll ignores her and asks, "Is yoga hard?"
Cut to Knoll entering a yoga class that's already in session. He spots Jane then stakes out an area of the floor near her. He says hi, and she actually recognizes him and remembers his name. Knoll thinks nothing of interrupting the class and Jane's workout with disingenuous blather about being surprised that she's into yoga, too. He says that it makes him feel "conscious," and Jane pipes up that she always says that. For some reason, Knoll sees fit to conspicuously take a novel out of his knapsack, and of course, it is Raise High the Roof Beams Carpenters and Seymour: An Introduction, which is the one he found out she was reading, from her e-mail. Jane pulls out her copy of the book, and Knoll feigns surprise that she's reading it, too. Then he asks if she likes Indian food, and she replies, "Indian food" and just looks at him. I have to say that Tyra Banks is not the waif that I imagined she'd be. Baby's got back, and well, front, too. That's refreshing in a so-called supermodel.
Meghan brings a bag full of the stuff that Sean asked for to his hospital room. She hands him a Kit Kat and remarks that they actually are Kosher. Sean thanks her and remarks that she's "certainly done [her] mitzvah for the day." Meghan doesn't want thanks, she just wants repayment because everything cost her $160 which includes the ten percent discount she got for "telling the guy at the Judaica store" that she was converting to "Judyism." I'm pretty sure she means Judaism, but she pronounces the word as "Judyism." Sean is surprised to hear that she's converting until she confesses that she only said it to get the discount. Sean asks if she would ever consider converting, and she answers, "Sean, I'm not converting to Judyism just because you lost a nut." Sean decides then and there to break up with Meghan because he's a "deeply religious Jew" and she's a "practicing witch," and he wants his kids to be Jewish and not "Jewitch." Meghan stares at him in disbelief then she gathers her stuff, including the wine she brought him, and leaves.
Tracy waltzes into Elena's room and demands, "Is it true?" Elena immediately starts apologizing. Tracy makes it clear that he's talking about Dr. McGrath, which confuses Elena, but she manages to recover in time. He tells her about the long list of "girls his assistant says [Dr. McGrath's] been with" and expresses his dismay that she never told him about it because they tell each other everything. Elena looks like she could do some projectile vomiting, and she apologizes some more. Tracy calms down and says he won't take it "too serious [sic]."
At the loft, Felicity helps Ben get ready for a visit from his dad. A moment later, his dad is at the door, bearing Chinese food. Felicity takes the food, and Jack Tripper makes a comment about Ben's appearance. Ben responds that he looks worse than he feels, and Jack says, "I wish I could say the same," which elicits a forced laugh from Felicity. Ben thanks his father for the basketball net, and his father thanks him for letting him stop by. Ben tells him to thank Felicity, and Jack says, "She's my liaison, to whom I'm deeply indebted." Felicity forces a smile.
Now Jack is running toward the hoop and doing that dumb sportscaster self-commentary thing where he says stuff like, "He fakes left, he fakes right. Oh, heartbreaker! It's off the rim." He tosses the ball to Ben who wisely guesses that they're boring Felicity. Ben gets up to get a painkiller despite Felicity's offers to get it for him. Jack takes the opportunity to apologize and explain that he's never done anything like that before, "even when [he] was drinking." He tells her that talking to her made him really hopeful. Felicity squirms and whispers, "This is really uncomfortable for me." He thanks her for not telling Ben who walks back into the room, asking, "What's the score?" Jack says, "You're up four points. Your girlfriend just made two incredible bank shots." Ben smiles and says, "She's the best," to which Jack says, "Yes she is." Felicity just looks down at her lap. I think that if lying still comes so easily to Jack then he isn't fully rehabilitated yet.
Felicity is wearing a bathrobe and brushing her teeth when Ben comes in to talk to her. Apparently, Felicity said that she wanted to see a play, so Ben got them tickets to see The Dinner Party but they're for that night. Since they obviously can't go because of Ben's injuries, he suggests that Felicity go with his dad. She tries valiantly to get out of it until Ben actually begs her to go.
Molly is braiding her hair in the bathroom when Meghan barges in to return the bottle of wine she got from her. Meghan tells Molly that she doesn't need it because Sean broke up with her. She complains about being "vulnerable and whatever" because she never does that. Molly replies that she'd gathered as much. Meghan takes a slug of wine and pronounces, "This is why I hate relationships."
In a booth at Epstein Bar, Knoll reads to Elena from one of Jane's e-mails. Jane told her friend that she wishes a guy would say, "This food is really good, but I'd rather be at home making love to you." Elena just glares at him. Knoll guesses that she thinks he's a monster, but instead she blurts out, "I cheated on Tracy." Knoll says, "What?" Elena elaborates, "With Finn." Knoll spits, "Finn?!? Elena, that boring little Tom Cruise wannabe, Finn-Finn? Ack!" Excuse me, Knoll, but Finn is hot and, therefore, not even in the same hemisphere as you and Tom "Broken Nose and Only Four Feet Tall" Cruise. Knoll calms down slightly and asks when the deed was done and whom else she's told. Elena says she's only told him. Knoll rips up his copies of Jane's e-mails and declares that they both have to tell the truth to Tracy and Jane. Elena points out that she has much more to lose, but Knoll insists that they can't carry around secrets any longer. He puts out his hand and says, "Deal?" Elena hesitantly agrees and shakes his hand.
Sean is wearing a yarmulke and reading in his hospital bed when Mr. Morgenstern reveals that he's a rabbi and that he thinks that Sean should propose to Meghan. Sean reads my mind and asks, "Are you a real rabbi?" Mr. Morgenstern does that "guiding light" thing I predicted he'd do, and he tells Sean not to go on a "crash diet with God" because "God's not a fad, He's a way of life." Sean nods and pretends to understand.
Tracy arrives at the girls' apartment, and Elena thanks him for coming over and asks him to sit down. She says that before she gets to the reason why she called him over, she wants to tell him that being his girlfriend "for the last year has been the most incredible experience." Before she can say much more, Tracy interrupts and simply will not let her continue. He takes out a piece of paper and explains that it took him "all of physics lab to write [it]" then reads, "Elena: E is for everything you do so well; L is for your long luscious legs and locks; E is for every time my heart flutters when you walk into a room; N is for never wanting to be apart; A is for always and forever. This is what you mean to me; this is how it will always be. My love for you is so, so strong. Right here is where I belong." Suddenly, I'm reminded of why I only ever dated liberal arts majors in university. Seriously, I guess the sentiment is sweet enough and my bitter English-major heart likely would have softened a bit if I had received an "M is for the many essays you proofread; A is for all the times you explained alliteration…" note. Tracy says, "Not bad for a biochem major, right?" Elena tearfully admits that no one has ever written a poem for her before. When Tracy asks what it was she wanted to tell him, she just says that she loves him. Tracy coos, "Love you too, baby. Don't you know it?"
Knoll and Jane are having dinner together at an Indian restaurant, and he's boring her with his career aspirations and his problems with "Knoll Crane dot com." At this point, I'm surprised that Jane isn't "dot comatose." He spools out some more of the information he's gleaned from her e-mail accounts and declares that "Polabolus" is his favourite dance troupe, which is, naturally, her favourite dance troupe. She stumps him when she asks which is his favourite production. He grasps at straws and than pulls the old "they're all so great, I can't choose" trick out of his hat. Knoll says he's going to tell her the truth, and then he hauls out the "this food is great, but I'd rather be making love to you" line. Jane stares at him then slaps the stupid right out of him. And speaking of stupid, our Jane isn't so bright herself, or else she'd have recognized that Knoll was parroting so many of her own statements right back to her. However, Tyra Banks isn't likely to be performing any brain surgery in the near future either. I saw her baffled over the meaning and pronunciation of "atoll" on the wretched Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Knoll tries to catch a few flies as he watches her leave.
Ben is playing a video game with his one good hand when Felicity comes to beg off going to the play, even though she's supposed to meet his dad in ten minutes. She claims that she's coming down with the flu and apologizes. Ben senses her discomfort with his father and asks, "Did he do something to you?" When she doesn't respond instantly and won't meet his gaze, he takes off his sling and puts on his coat. Felicity tries to talk him out of leaving, but he's determined to go.
Ben walks into Epstein Bar where his father is sitting, and he marches up to the table and demands, "What did you do to her?" Jack dissembles briefly then confesses to kissing Felicity. Ben, you've got to quit going to that place. You only ever get bad news there. Jack Tripper says, "I came to New York because I wanted to help you. I wanted to be in your life." Ben states, "I don't want you in my life," and walks away.
When Felicity returns to the loft, she discovers Ben taking down the basketball hoop. He tells her that his father confessed, and he apologizes on his behalf. Felicity says she's fine and not to worry about her. Ben says he feels like he's "going to explode" and that he's covered in kerosene and someone's "going to touch it off" at any moment. Felicity goes to sit by him and hands him some Al-Anon brochures. Ben isn't interested and says he doesn't need a group; he needs a dad. She tries to convince him but he won't relent. There's a knock on the door, and it's Ben's father demonstrating that he is über-ballsy by coming there. Ben instructs Felicity to leave, and she does without saying a word. Jack says that he came to say goodbye so Ben says, "Goodbye." Jack asks, "So that's it?" Ben wonders, "What is it you want from me?" Jack says, "Forgiveness." Ben shakes his head and tells him that he can't give him that. Jack tells Ben that he loves him, and Ben says nothing.
Meghan is in her room when Sean arrives and says that he needs to talk to her. Meghan snipes, "Great, it's the bar mitzvah boy." He sits beside her on the bed and then proposes to her. Meghan says that she'll get back together with him, but "there's not a chance" she'll marry him. Sean gets up and mutters, "Yeah, that's what I figured." She questions him about the "Judyism" thing and he states that he needs time to figure out if it is something that's important to him. Meghan considers the situation then says, "You're so weird." They both end up chuckling.
Tracy runs into Finn in a school corridor and says, "Elena told me about the affair." Finn thinks Tracy is referring to his fling with Elena, and not Dr. McGrath's and he apologizes, adding that they were only together once. Here's my shout-out to Quinn: they're talking at cross-purposes and that never happens on television. Not. Whatever. Tracy says, "What?" and slowly clues in.
At Dean & Deluca, Knoll is juggling the crockery and generally bumbling around when Jane appears and apologizes. They trade a few "no, it was me"s, and she insists on apologizing then suggests that they get to know each other better.
Ben enters a church hall in time to hear the group recite, "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference," which is the credo of AA, and by extension, I guess, Al-Anon. The leader says, "I finally found out who's been putting the chairs into the rows. The Cocaine Anonymous group. [smattering of laughter] They meet here on Thursdays and they love the rows." Oooh, that's a low blow. Blow, geddit? The leader asks if there are any newcomers, and Ben introduces himself. Molly peaks out of the crowd and nods at Ben, who nods back at her. So, I guess the question is, is it really an Al-Anon meeting, or is it an AA meeting? We'll have to wait and see.