Previously on Felicity: Knoll wanted to be with his friends; Gnatalie cared enough about Knoll to let him go; Julie left.
In an obvious shout-out to my gig recapping the late, lamented Freaks and Geeks, this episode is titled Greeks and Geeks. See what they did there? Last week, the writers got rid of Julie and this week's title is an homage to moi. It doesn't get any better than this.
Sean and Knoll are in the kitchen at the loft; Knoll is reading a PC magazine. Sean says that he thought Knoll was "strictly Mac." Knoll reveals that he's trying to get a job as an on-call repairman for when students' computers crash, so he has to learn how to use PCs. Sean thinks Knoll's job sounds great and asks him when the Star Trek convention is. Knoll claims that not all "computer guys" are Trekkies, and that he's going to make a lot of money at the job. Sean asks him not to be like Ben -- late with the rent -- before executing a perfect Ben head scratch and they laugh about it. Meghan arrives, takes the phone into another room, and begins talking smutty baby talk to someone. Is it Grandparents Day, again? It turns out that she's a phone sex operator. Meghan can't believe it bothers Sean that she took this job. She has to explain to her client that she's been talking to her boyfriend "Patrick" during the call and the client asks to speak to him. Sean takes the phone as "Patrick," then slaps Meghan on the ass because that's what the client asked him to do. When Meghan gets the phone back she discovers that the client has hung up.
The Philips CD recorder commercial touts its ability to make mixed CDs. Adam Sandler has a new movie called Little Nicky. The fact that he even has a career indicates that he has made a pact with the devil, in real life. McDonald's is flogging election versions of Ty Beanie Babies. One of them is a jackass named Dubya and its head is full of beans. Sears is holding a seventy-two-hour tool sale. Yoplait will donate ten cents to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation for every pink lid consumers send in, up to $500,000. I hope enough people participate that Yoplait donates the whole amount.
At the dorm apartment, Felicity's been sleeping on couch. She couldn't sleep in "that bed" because she's so distraught about Julie. She watched Julie's tape again last night and thinks the goodbye seemed final. Let's hope so! Elena is also out of sorts due to a poli sci paper she's been working on. Felicity complains about her French exam. The phone rings; Felicity gets it, and discovers that it's Julie's mother. Elena advises Felicity not to tell Julie's mother anything. Felicity covers for Julie and takes a message.
Docuventary clip: At Dean and Deluca, Javier is freaking out about his citizenship test. He even bought a new suit for the swearing-in ceremony. It's a Prada ripoff with a "Prapa" label. Where could he have purchased it? What's New York's male equivalent of Fashion Bug? Ben and Felicity try to calm him down; Ben volunteers to help Javier study. Ben walks away and Javier asks Felicity whether Ben knows anything about American history. Felicity stammers that she thinks he does, and Javier channels Fred Sanford and grabs his chest. Javier ends the scene with a belch.
Knoll is working on an iMac. It's part of the interview for his troubleshooter job. The guy he's talking to is a classic sitcom version of a nerd, complete with the mustard-coloured clothes, glasses, and dorky facial hair. He reminds me of that blonde, curly-headed kid who always carried a briefcase on Degrassi High. Anyway, the nerdy guy bleats on about machines having souls, "mass psyche, interconnected consciousness," and cautions Knoll not to use the word "cyber." Nerd Dude says, "PCs aren't so easy to get to know but 70% of patients are Windows-based." Then he outlines the "challenge," which is a "series of tests -- an ordeal, rite of passage, purification" that Knoll must complete before he's hired. ["I assume they didn't have the budget to hire F&G's Harris for this role." -- Wing Chun] On Friday, Nerd Dude will put Knoll through his "PC paces." With that, Nerd Dude gives Knoll the Trekkie salute, which Knoll returns.
Felicity is decorating her new room and chitchatting with Ben. She finds a Ziploc bag of white powder and asks Ben what he thinks it looks like. He looks slightly guilty, to me, and immediately asks if it is Molly's. Felicity confronts Molly with the bag; Molly thinks it looks like crystal meth and says it's not hers. Molly further confides that her brother used to be addicted to it. Felicity shows the powder to Elena, and Elena suggests that the bag could have been in the closet for a long time before they moved in. Ben appears and says that it could explain a lot about Julie's behaviour. Molly mentions that her bro was moody and secretive when he was using.
Docuventary clip: Meghan is in the loft sitting on Sean's bed, talking about working as a phone sex operator. She blathers something about fulfilling "fantasies for men across the country." Sean asks if she ever gets turned on by it. When she says she does, a little, he gets angry.
Felicity and Elena return from mid-terms and both admit to not being able to "focus." Felicity feels bad about lying to Julie's mother and decides to call her back and tell the truth about Julie dropping out, but not about their suspicions about the drugs. Felicity asks if Mrs. Emrick's heard from Julie, then she apologizes for having lied earlier. Felicity tells Elena that Julie's mother is crying.
Victoria's Secret ad for their satin collection with writhing supermodels doing the shilling. Oh, here's a commercial for Bedazzled. How many devil movies are there these days? Sarah Michelle Gellar uses Maybelline colour Wear n' Go lip colour. An anti-drug PSA gives me a seizure. And, here's that Wendy's NASCAR ad, again.
At the loft, Ben sits on the couch enjoying a videogame and declares that "this Playstation 2 thing is a real problem." Felicity arrives, and he asks her how her exam went; she tells him it wasn't good. She tells him about calling Julie's mom, who "was very scared." Felicity says the call was scary because Julie hadn't told her parents about what happened with her birth father. It turns out that Julie's mother called back and berated Felicity for letting Julie go and not helping her. Felicity starts to cry, and Ben says that Julie's mom responded that way because she was upset. Felicity describes herself as a bad friend. ["Considering we're talking about Julie, Felicity was a good friend even to keep talking to her as long as she did." -- Wing Chun] Ben says that what happened with Julie was not Felicity's fault, and he cites what happened with his dad and the fact that the Ritter incident was not Ben's fault. He tries to reassure her and gives her a hug.
Docuventary clip: the PC Olympics are in two days and Knoll explains to Sean that since Tracy got a new laptop, he's going to screw up his old one to let Knoll practice resuscitating it. Sean's advice is to "let the Wookiee win." Knoll gives a fake laugh and sarcastically says, "That's funny. That's a good one."
At the dorm apartment, Knoll is working on Tracy's old computer and gets Windows to boot. He declares himself "Hercules, god of strength." Um. riiiiight. Tracy wants to know how Knoll did it, and Knoll says, "It's a little trick I learned -- it's called being a genius." Knoll wants Tracy to screw it up again and make it harder. Knoll opens Tracy's new laptop and Tracy warns him not to touch his "new Porsche." Cars, computers -- what will be the phallic proxy for men? How come they never get all excited about vacuum cleaners? ["Dude, I think I got a little wet at the sight of that computer. It was as thin as an envelope! I want one! (Sorry.)" -- Wing Chun] It seems that Elena is writing her mid-term on Tracy's new laptop, and Tracy doesn't want Knoll to lose her work. Tracy fries the old computer and tells Knoll that if he can fix it, he's a "super mega-nerd." Knoll sits his already mega-nerdy ass down to give it the old college try.
Docuventary clip: out on the street, Ben and Javier are heading off to the library to cram for the INS test, which is in a few days. Ben asks Javier who the pilgrims were, and Javier answers correctly. They happen upon a table that is set up on the street for voter registration. The woman at the table, who is the long, lost daughter of Bernie from Room 222 -- complete with the massive red 'fro -- asks Javier whether he's registered to vote. Javier explains that he's just about to take his citizenship test and won't be able to vote in this election. She wishes him luck and Javier gushes that he loves her. The woman asks Ben whether he is planning to vote. When Ben says he isn't, Javier gives him hell. Ben tries to drop the subject, but Javier calls him a "pineapple head" and says that if Ben does vote, he should vote "hippocrat." I'm with Javier on this one. It's the eve of the American presidential election and the Canadian federal election. All you readers who are eligible to vote, please make sure you vote this year. Both countries are facing horrible futures if either of them elect right-wing candidates, specifically George W. Bush and Stockwell Day. Do me a solid and exercise your right to vote, while you still have it.
At Felicity's French exam, which is oral, the professor calls on her to come to the front of the room. She goes up and says: "J'ai choissis Le Vagabonde de Nicollet. Ce livre parle d'une actrice qui veut, uh, qui veut son independence...uh, I'm sorry, I'm just not prepared." The professor calls the student and Felicity sits down.
At the dorm apartment, Meghan is on the phone and simultaneously highlighting a book. Sean arrives and bemoans the fact that he doesn't have a hook for this week's Docuventary installment. Meghan listens to him, then starts moaning into the phone. Apparently, she's hard at work. Sean grabs the phone and yells, "Hey, slimey, weasel!" Meghan protests that he is not in his apartment. Sean says that performing phone sex is like cheating on him and he can't deal with it anymore. Meghan screams, "Talking to these guys is like having sex with you -- it's over real fast and I do all the work!" Sean yells back, "Good luck with your career," and stomps out the door.
Docuventary clip: At Dean & Deluca, Javier admits to being nervous about the test. The interview is interrupted by Sean's phone. It's a phone sex client and Javier convinces Sean to let him take the phone. Javier says in a falsetto, "Hello, this is Amber, a luscious blonde [strokes Ben's hair] with a 44DDD." He then tells Sean that he thinks he used to be roommates with the client. Ben wants to get back to work and he asks Javier when the Civil War began. Javier asks, "What civil war?"
At the dorm apartment, Elena comes in to find Knoll working on the computer. Of course, the old laptop was the one Elena was using to write her paper. She didn't back up the file -- of course -- and the paper is due tomorrow. Elena tells Tracy and Knoll that they'd better get her paper back. Meghan asks to speak to Elena alone, and tells her that she's worried about Felicity, who's been moping around. Molly appears and says that they should take Felicity out. Elena says that she won't go out until Knoll gets her paper back. Felicity walks into the kitchen and they tell her that they're taking her out. Meghan asks Knoll where he partied this summer when he was Leon, and he says they can't handle where he partied. Oh, come on, Knoll/Llonk! You'd find Chuck E. Cheese too hard to handle. Meghan finds out about a frat party from one of their neighbours.
There's a new electronic version of Uno, called Uno Blitzo. I don't know -- I'm still partial to the old-school version of Uno. The Blair Witch 2 commercial, AGAIN. Geez, will that damn movie open and close, already! A professional stuntperson does some "extreme" skydiving to advertise Energizer E squared batteries. Kids dressing up and trying on jewellery to a Louis Armstrong-esque soundtrack in the J.C. Penney "feel like a million jewellery sale" ad. The Popular girls appear onGrosse Pointe. Verizon uses James Earl Jones to tout its online sound and video no-dial-up DSL. The Nissan Sentra has a big stereo system, which is, of course, what all savvy car buyers look for in a car.
Docuventary clip: Meghan says she feels terrible about what happened when they took Felicity out the other night.
The frat party is in full swing when Meghan, Molly, and Felicity get there. Meghan says that she has a phone sex shift at midnight. A frat dude comes by to offer them Jell-O shots, which they all gulp. Meghan warns Felicity that the Jell-O will kick her ass.
At the apartment, Elena is freaking out that Knoll can't get the laptop working. Knoll doesn't want to call his potential boss, because it's "suicide" if he does. Elena informs him that it's murder if he doesn't. Tracy goes to call Nerd Dude.
There's some strip ping pong going on at the frat party. Another frat guy asks Meghan and Felicity to play. Felicity says no but then Meghan says they'll "kick [their] little Greek asses." Meghan says she's really good at the game and Felicity reluctantly picks up a paddle.
Nerd Dude shows up and Elena gives him some lip. He says, "Save the attitude for your blender, honey." The hell? Anyway, the nerd demands Jolt soda, HoHos, Dingdongs, YoYos and Doritos. Tracy physically restrains Elena from ripping the guy's head off.
At the party, Meghan and Felicity only have their coats off, while their opponents are down to their undies. A guy gives them more shots and recognizes Meghan's voice. She realizes what time it is, and goes off for her phone-sex shift. Felicity begs Molly to take Meghan's place, but Molly doesn't want to do it. Felicity is quite obviously plastered at this point.
Docuventary clip: Ben and Javier are at the loft, studying for Javier's test. Javier gets upset thinking he won't pass; Javier's worried about everyone watching him fail. Ben says that it's just a card, he won't get deported. Javier calls Ben "a spoiled little man." He explains that it's not about getting a card: "It's about being a part of the greatest family in the world, the American family." Yankee Doodle is playing in the background while Javier continues to rant. Sean says he could sell that clip as a PSA.
At the party, Felicity has a new partner, who takes off his shirt. She's really wasted now, and takes off her top to a round of cheers.
Meghan is performing phone sex shift on a pay phone in the street when one of the frat guys walks by and tells her that he kicked Felicity's cute butt. Meghan informs him that both she and Felicity have boyfriends. Frattie Bubelatti tells her that Felicity left the party with his friend, Randy. Meghan runs off and Frattie picks up the phone.
A Cabrio commercial maintains that driving around in the moonlight is better than attending a party. If it's a frat party, I'm inclined to agree. Big K has Halloween costumes and candy on sale. McDonald's is still pushing their election Beanie Babies. Sean Hayes does a 1-800-Collect commercial; I guess Geico is finished with him. Sesame Street has a new Teach N' Go Train.One of the Gilmore Girlshits a deer.
At the loft, Sean pouring a cup of coffee and Meghan tells him that she's lost Felicity.
Cut to Felicity waking up in a strange bed with her ping pong partner. She's wearing her bra and whispering, "Omigod." Once she's dressed, she walks around the scene of the crime.
The computer nerd guy is still working on the laptop while Knoll and Tracy doze on the sofa. Nerd Dude whispers a few sweet nothings to the computer and seems resigned to not getting it working again. He mutters something about ZZ Top. Knoll suddenly thinks of something to try on the computer; he sits down, types a few things, and Windows comes back up. Knoll and Nerd Dude exchange some nerdities and the guy flashes Knoll the Trekkie salute. Knoll informs he that he don't play dat, and the guy says it is cool and he leaves.
Felicity is out on the street walking in slo-mo and barfing into trash can. It's the Walk of Shame, the Promenade of Puke.
Meghan and Sean arrive at apartment and ask if Felicity is there. Felicity walks in and Meghan asks what happened to her. Felicity doesn't know what happened to her. Meghan asks if she had fun. Felicity just walks away. Meghan says that she never should have left Felicity alone, but Felicity says that it wasn't Meghan's fault.
Molly goes into Felicity's room to ask if she is okay. Molly gives Felicity a bindi (along with a prayer for self-acceptance) and puts it on Felicity's forehead. Yeah, four out of five hungover people want something plastered to their heads. Thanks, Molly. Felicity tells her that she woke up in some guy's bed. Molly asks whether anything happened and Felicity says she doesn't know because she blacked out. Umm, not to upset some of my gentler readers, I'll just say that there is usually some physical evidence when "things happen." As for blacking out, I think I'd be back at the frat house and kicking asses to find out who slipped the roofies into my Jell-O shot, if I were her. Felicity doesn't know what she'll tell Ben and Molly says it will take time for the bindi to work its magic. Julie calls; Felicity tells her that they've been worried about her, and asks her to call her parents.
Docuventary clip: Javier and Ben are waiting in the hall for Javier's test to begin. Javier is very nervous. Sean tells Ben to show Javier his voter registration. He does so, and Javier hugs him. Javier's name is called and he goes in for his test. One of the questions is, "What are the 49th and 50th states of the union?" Javier correctly answers Alaska and Hawaii. The question is about the Civil War, and Javier correctly answers that it began in 1861.
Cut to the swearing-in ceremony. Samuel is there and Sean is taping everything. Felicity arrives with Meghan; they both kiss Samuel, and Felicity takes her place beside Ben. She tells him about Julie's call, and Ben wonders whether Felicity asked Julie about the drugs. Why does he care so much? I think it's weird of him to ask, and I suspect that he may know more about this than he is letting on. Felicity reports that Julie claimed they were not hers. Ben asks whether Felicity is okay and she says she is. She doesn't look okay.