Previously on Felicity, Ben's father comes to New York to make amends; Julie states that she was not a suitable organ donor for her birth father, but she's grateful she had a chance to get to know him; Knoll tells Felicity he wants to be with his friends instead of Gnatalie; Gnatalie coldcocks Knoll.
At the dorm apartment, Felicity is dying Knoll's hair back to its usual dull brown colour. He's explaining the various reasons, like "mental incompetence and incest," that he and Gnatalie could use to get an annulment. He doesn't know how he's going to pay for college since he and Gnatalie spent all of his tuition money during the summer. Felicity continues to rinse his hair, and he asks if it is "supposed to sting like that." She calls him a baby and he makes a dumb remark about her not having "the best track record with hair." She demands to know what he means by that. Elena and Felicity have reviewed the options, and they both agree that Knoll should testify that he is impotent to get the annulment. Molly, the girls' new roommate, arrives just in time to hear Knoll practicing saying that he's impotent. When he spies Molly, he insists that he really isn't impotent, but Felicity and Elena respond that he actually is. The whole exchange conjures up some mental images that I'm going to need large doses of LSD and electro-convulsive therapy to erase.
According to the commercial, if you eat a Milky Way at a movie, you'll be in such bliss that you won't be bothered by the other noisy patrons. I prefer to tell people to shut the hell up. Trailer for The Contender with Joan Allen. Oh, a political commercial for Bob Fremgen. D'oh! It's just another wacky Energizer ad. That crazy bunny! But don't forget to vote, anyway! Kotex works the 'period as word for full stop at the end of sentences and the synonym for menses angle' in their wings pads commercial. Omigod, I never realized the dual meanings for that word before. Tee hee. Not. Is anyone else as sick as I am of that VW Golf ad with Styx's "Mr. Roboto" as the sound track? I didn't even like that song in its first incarnation. Just which segment of the market are they targeting with this ad? Geeky Styx fans who still live in their parents' basements? Do they have large car-buying budgets?
Docuventary clip: Julie sets up the video camera in her room to do a confessional monologue, made popular by various and sundry Bunim-Murray productions. Vote her off the island, and don't let her be in the boy band, I say! She sits down and starts to say that she had a terrible summer, then she gets up and rewinds the tape and starts over. This time, she says that she had a terrific summer, and she blabs more about her birth father and her failed attempt to donate a kidney to him. She says that her birth parents treated her like she was part of the family, and she concludes that it was the best summer ever, then turns off the camera. Hmm, your birth father died just after you got to know him. That certainly does qualify as one of the top ten summer experiences.
Felicity and Ben are lolling in bed, bathed in sunlight. Felicity recounts a dream that she just had. Ben was wearing a suit, and she was wearing a long dress. They were on an escalator, and her dress got caught in it. Then, rabid monkeys were chasing them, and Ben wouldn't help her. Ben promises that the time they are chased by wild monkeys, he'll save her. Felicity baby-talks to him and then the phone rings. Ben answers it and it is his mother, who is very upset about Ben's father. When he gets off the phone, Felicity asks what is wrong, but Ben states that he doesn't want to talk about the "crap with his dad." Felicity says that he can talk to her about it at any time. Ben gets dressed and leaves to go play basketball with Sean. It looked like he was wearing black briefs when he stood up to get dressed. I'll let you draw your own conclusions about him sporting such underwear.
Knoll and Gnatalie are sitting across a desk from a judge. They've come in for the annulment and have neglected to fill in the grounds for annulment part of the form. When the judge asks, Knoll beats around the bush and mutters something about a problem with his "equipment" not working. Geez, didn't he listen when I told him to get rid of that iMac? The judge figures out that Knoll is claiming impotency. Gnatalie declares that, not only is Knoll not impotent, he's the "best lover" she's ever had and she leaves. I would have thought that she had slept with more than one guy before she met Knoll. The judge tells them to "feel free to come back when [they] have [their] stories straight."
Sean and Ben are playing basketball at an outdoor court, and Sean is wondering if it is wrong to charge Knoll $25 more than he was charging Julie. Ben is more interested in playing an aggressive game of hoops than making small talk, and he tells Sean to "shut up and play." Julie appears to inform Sean that she has completed her confessional video. Ben really starts to play rough, and Sean is elbowed in the nose. He thinks it is broken and he runs home. Julie runs after Ben to ask him what is wrong. Ben says it was an accident. Julie presses him, and he admits that he found out that his father has been missing for four days. His mother wants him to file a missing persons report. Julie babbles that "everything is reversed" because in their freshman year, Ben helped her find her birth mother. She tells him that he was a great support when she was looking for her birth father and offers to help him.
Docuventary clip: Molly, the new roommate from London, is at a hotdog cart on the street. She tells Sean that she's doing her junior year abroad, and she's studying "fashion, photography, orgasmology." Sean gets very excited at the prospect and wants to hear all about the course. Molly admits that she was just kidding and that she was trying to give him the "hook" he needs for his film. She asks him what happened to his nose.
Felicity and Elena are in the kitchen of their apartment, where Felicity is whinging about Ben being emotionally distant. Molly pipes up, "Guys are Venus Flytraps -- something emotional lands on them and they just shut up." Felicity admits that she's worried about Ben. Molly brings up Ben breaking Sean's nose while playing basketball because she thought that Felicity already knew about it. Molly is busy making what sounds like "Bubbles [sic] and Squeak." For someone who appears to have lived and worked in Britain for some time, according to her résumé at the Internet Movie Database, she is quite unfamiliar with national dishes. Bubble and Squeak is made with various leftover vegetables, and since Molly has been in the apartment all of five minutes, I doubt she's au courant with the contents of the fridge. Besides, is it likely that there's boiled cabbage hanging around? I'm surprised she's not making Spotted Dick for dessert. Speaking of him, I'm grateful he hasn't shown up in this episode, thus far. Julie arrives and lords it over Felicity that she's has been "hanging" with Ben, and the reason she knows more about his situation than Felicity does is because she and Ben have a "history."
Felicity and Ben are at the loft, and she repeats what Julie has told her. Ben states that he's not filing a report. He gets angry and says he doesn't want to talk about it. He wants space to think about it. Felicity says she understands and gathers up her stuff and leaves.
Commercial for the Phillips CD recorder, which takes making mixed tapes to new heights. Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 stills seems like crap from what I've seen of the trailers. Attention Hollywood, that was a one-off success, forget about a sequel. An ad for Pepperidge Farms Milano cookies is trying to teach me that sharing is overrated. Maybelline employs Christy Turlington and several other supermodels to shill makeup. Last week, the Wendy's commercial had a NASCAR theme; this week it's eastern enlightenment and sitar music. The WB is still pushing the Gilmore Girls down our throats.
Docuventary clip: Knoll is annoyed with Gnatalie for not backing up his story with the annulment judge. He also reveals that Javier called to tell him about the inheritance Gnatalie is slated to receive when she gets married. Knoll states that he was a "pawn."
Knoll and Gnatalie have a confrontation about whether he was a pawn or not. She reminds him that he proposed and explains that the only reason she accepted was because they had a good time in the summer. It turns out that since she was her "Uncle Frederick's favourite," she'll get $250,000 for getting married, and her husband will receive $100,000 if he stays married to her for a year. Knoll is stunned by this news.
Docuventary clip: Knoll is on the street pondering the deal. Sean thinks this could be his "hook."
Meghan is massaging Sean's face at the loft. Sean mentions that he could "take this opportunity to get a nose job." Meghan volunteers that she thinks he should get his nose fixed. She tells him a story about a kid in her class, Kyle, who came to school with a big bandage on his nose and a story about falling off a ladder. She enthuses that Sean wouldn't even have to invent such a story. Sean informs her that he was kidding about the nose job and gets pretty shirty about the whole thing. You could say that his nose was out of joint. Meghan remarks, "I didn't know your nose was such a soft spot!" Um, yeah, it is, that's how he got hurt in the first place. Meghan storms out.
Ben is back at the basketball court shooting hoops when Julie shows up. She asks if he has filed a missing persons report or called the hospitals and offers to help, when she finds out that he hasn't. When he refuses her help, she gets maudlin, talking about her dead birth father and saying she thinks that Ben should help out his father because he's still alive.
Docuventary clip: Molly is out on the street getting an Italian ice. She mentions that her mother is a psychic. Sean asks if she is joking about that, too, having already been burned by her taking the mickey once before. Molly claims that her mother really is psychic and that she has predicted that New York is where Molly finds love.
Knoll asks Meghan, Elena, Molly, Felicity, and Ben, who are all sitting around the dorm apartment, if he should consider staying married to Gnatalie to get the hundred grand. Elena states that she'll never speak to Knoll again if he stays married because she thinks that marriage "is sacred." Hmm, are the writers setting us up for something here? Why does Elena have such strong views about marriage? I guess we'll have to stay tuned. Knoll asks for Ben's opinion, but Ben has completely spaced out. He comes to and splits. Felicity gets up and follows him.
Ben is out on the street when Felicity catches up to him. He says that he needed to get out, but it has nothing to do with her or them. She complains that he is shutting her out. He says that it isn't about them, but she says it is about them. Ben gets angry and reports that his father disappeared for two days when Ben was in the seventh grade. He and his mother filed reports and made phone calls looking for him, and it turned out that his dad spent two days in his car getting wasted. When his father returned, he never said anything to them. According to Ben, that wasn't even the worst thing his father had ever done, and he hopes that his dad is dead.
J.C. Penney goes retro and uses Viewmaster technology in its latest campaign. The trailer for Bedazzled features a scantily clad Liz Hurley and a dozy looking Brendan Fraser. My verdict on this flick: no class, lots of ass. A Revlon commercial with all of the supermodels not used in the last Maybelline ad. So, karaoke is Japanese for "tone deaf." Starburst Fruit Chews, you are dead to me. Dead, I say! Karaoke is MBTV-ese for "staff meeting." The Charmed dames revisit childhood in an upcoming episode. Read the Charmed recap if you care. The WB hypes Hype (starring Canadian comedian and lipstick abuser, Gavin Crawford) and For Your Love. When ING Direct advertises in America, it doesn't use the Dutch guy that's in the Canadian commercials. Huh. IKEA takes the high road with bad bowl cuts and farting vinyl chairs. If you ever go out on a blind date, you should be wearing Invisalign braces.
Molly and Felicity are in the kitchen of their apartment, and Molly tells Felicity that her psychic mother has forecast that Ben feels bad for yelling at her on the street, and that he's going to apologize. Felicity doesn't quite know what to make of Molly.
Meghan is chatting with Knoll, and she says, "It's not about the money, it's about the burn-out." She tells him about Jacob Perlmutter, a "total loser" who started running with the fast crowd, couldn't deal, and went crazy. Knolls claims that he's not a loser, and Meghan snipes, "Says you." Gnatalie lives at a speed that is "dangerous" to people like Knoll, according to Meghan. She continues, "Twelve months from now, a hundred thousand won't even cover medical costs at a place like Bellevue, let alone room and board." Sean arrives, and he asks Knoll if his nose is too big or too crooked. Knoll doesn't really have an opinion one way or another. Meghan drags Sean out of the room.
Molly, Felicity, and Elena are still in the kitchen. Elena thinks that Julie hasn't dealt with the death of her birth father and that the situation with Ben's father is bringing it all back to her. She relates that she "acted out" when her mother died. Felicity happens to be more concerned about Ben, though.
Sean and Meghan argue. Meghan thinks the "nose job thing was a compliment." Ho hum.
Gnatalie arrives to talk to Knoll. Felicity goes out for ice cream. Gnatalie admits to having looked at Knoll's four-year plan and magnanimously says, "I don't care if you're a geek." She gives him the gift that keeps on giving: RAM.
While Felicity is out in the hall, she runs into Ben. He apologizes, just as Molly's mother allegedly predicted. Felicity says that she hates seeing him so upset. They hug each other.
Sean and Meghan continue to argue about his "Blumberg nose." Snore.
Knoll tells Gnatalie that they can't stay married; they've had their fun and now it's over. He definitely wants the annulment. Gnatalie leaves without a word.
Round 47 of the Sean and Meghan bout. She orders him and his nose to go home.
As Felicity and Ben are still in the hall, Julie arrives and asks to speak to Ben alone. He tells her that they can talk in front of Felicity. Julie's news is that Ben's dad is in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. Ben is stunned that Julie has stuck her snout into his business, and Felicity just seems stunned. Shouting and accusations ensue; however, the drama leads to Julie confessing that she was a suitable donor to her father, Willard, but she opted not to participate in the rodent-to-rodent organ swap. Julie leaves, crying, with her tail between her legs. I have never had a good word to say about Julie, much to the chagrin of her defenders. I won't say "I told you so" as I'm usually wont to do. Don't say I never throw you a bone.
Taco Bell and the chalupa song. Big K-Mart Halloween sales. Sprint PCS free and clear ad with the "but I did not inhale" overtones. Salon Selectives. Scary ad for the Teddy Ruxpin of this century: Love to Dance Bear from Fisher Price. This toy looks a bit like Alf from the eponymously named show. This time out, the WB promotes Sabrina, Grosse Pointe, Popular, and Nikki. Did Sabrina give Harvey his walking papers when she moved to the WB? Here's a little brainteaser for you: which star of Grosse Pointe formerly portrayed one of Sabrina's friends?
Felicity and Ben are seated in a hospital corridor. Ben admits that he'd feel guilty if he didn't do anything. He goes in to see his father, who is in bed and connected to several drips and monitors. Ben sits by the bed watching his father sleep, while a poignant, plinky piano plays in the background. His father opens his eyes and sees Ben. They exchange glances, and Ben touches his dad's hand and then cries. Well done, Speedy. The emotion seemed pretty genuine. Perhaps it was because his father died in real life a year or so ago.
Meghan arrives at the loft, to find Sean at his blender. A fresh batch of Smoothaise, anyone? Meghan hands him a photo and asks Sean if he recognizes the person in it. It turns out that Meghan was Kyle. She was the person who fell off the ladder and got her nose fixed. She states that she was insecure when she was younger and apologizes to Sean, saying that she loves his nose. Sean graciously says that she is and was beautiful. They kiss and make lots of weird noises.
Knoll and Gnatalie are in the judge's office, and Knoll claims that he was lured into the marriage under false pretenses. The judge asks Gnatalie if she withheld the info about the inheritance from Knoll, because it is grounds for annulment. Gnatalie reveals that she has asked for the money to be donated to a children's charity, and she wants that "on the record" to prove that she did not lure Knoll into marriage. Knoll is incredulous, and Gnatalie gets up and stomps out. Knoll apologizes to the judge, who advises them to get a different judge they time they seek an annulment.
Knoll tells Gnatalie that he's calling her bluff and that they're gong to stay married without taking the money. She says she's not worried about the money, she wants to see where their relationship will go. Knoll still wants the annulment because he wants to start the relationship over again, from scratch. Gnatalie agrees and says she cares enough to let him go. Hey, maybe she had one of those "If you love it, set it free" posters when she was a kid. They agree to start over, and Knoll asks if she meant what she said about his prowess at their first annulment meeting. She confirms that she meant it and they kiss. I need several emetics and a tranquillizer at this point so that I can carry on living through this scene.
Out on the street, Ben tells Felicity that his dad is flying home and that his mother is relieved, and he has to admit that he is, too.
Felicity and Ben arrive at the dorm apartment to discover that Julie's room is empty. Molly tells them that Julie is gone. Really, did you call your mother to get that scoop? Julie left a videotape on the bed, which the gang watches together. In a nutshell, she apologizes for being "difficult." Let's not sugarcoat it. You weren't "difficult," you were a bitch. She rambles on about all the stuff she had to go through and says that she came to New York to find her birth parents, yadda yadda, self-centred drivel. She delivers messages to them. She starts by saying that she is sorry she shut out Elena. To Knoll, she says that she's happy he's getting on with his life. She tells Sean that she's really going to miss him, and she thanks him for giving her a home for two years. She's also happy that he's with Meghan, whom she warns to be nice to Sean. She apologizes to Ben for meddling in his business and thanks him for everything. It verges on getting mushy. It's a final slap in the face to Felicity, whom she knew would see her gushing about Ben. To Felicity, she says that she couldn't have made it this far without her. Nice, Julie. You mean that without Felicity, you could never have let your birth father die because of your selfishness? She apologizes for arguing with her but is sure that their friendship can withstand it. Julie states that New York is not the place for her, and she doesn't know where she's going. It doesn't matter because she's going to learn more about herself wherever she is. She's going to miss them all, and she threatens that she's not saying goodbye forever. She finishes with, "I'll see you when I see you." Not if we see you first, dude.
"And hast thou slain the Juliewock?
Come to my arms, my beamish writer
O, frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!
She chortled in her joy."
With apologies to Lewis Carroll.