The Biggest Deal There Is

S02E23

Knoll is strolling down the street and he runs into Natalie, who is standing outside smoking a cigarette. Knoll passes her than asks if she is there for the wedding dinner. They establish that they will both be attending and Knoll asks if she is waiting for someone. Natalie tells him that she's just out having a cigarette. Knoll tries to be all Rico Suavé and says that if he knew her better he would tell her to quit smoking. She says that if he knew her that well, she'd tell him to screw off. Hey, don't let the fact that you just met him stop you from telling him to screw off, nobody else does. They exchange a bit more banter then introduce themselves. I guess Knoll is now officially over Ruby.

The loft is full of people sitting at several tables and chairs. How gracious of Sean to host this shindig. Everyone is eating and drinking. Richard is torturing a guy sitting to him with his idea for fillerupnow.com, "they bring the gas to you." Every time Richard appears, he brings me gas. He can list that on his résumé, right under vomit-inducing, which he nailed in last week's episode. At another table, Julie sits morosely and Javier is heard to say, "I miss the Dinah Shore Show." Me too! Actually, I don't exactly miss it, but I'd love to see it again. What is Charles Nelson Reilly doing these days, anyway? Knoll tells Natalie that he is originally from Boston and asks if she's ever been to New York before. Ben and Felicity just look at each other. Tracy and Elena squabble about their summer plans. Sam hisses to Javier, "I can't believe you didn't tell me you're doing that." Javier says, "Well, I didn't want to say anything in case it didn't happen." Samuel says, "But it did and it is going to change things."

Meghan is talking to people at her table and Sean gets up and leans over her with a basket of garlic bread and asks if she wants some. Knoll says that he'll take some and Sean stands staring at Meghan. Felicity clinks her glass to get everyone's attention and goes and stands by Javier to make a toast, in her capacity as best man. She bleats on about him being the biggest romantic on the planet. Samuel concurs, and kisses Javier on the cheek, and everyone ooohs and ahhhs. Meghan asks Knoll if he's going to eat his garlic bread, he says no, so she grabs it. Felicity says, "Javier sees the best version of life, I think that's why we all love him so much." Someone in the crowd says, "Very nice," and Felicity glances at Ben. She takes a breath, then talks about how deep Samuel's and Javier's love is and how rare it is. Continuing on in the same vein, she further praises their relationship in an attempt to jab Ben about their relationship. Ben jumps up and says he wants to add something to the speech. Felicity says she not done, but Ben keeps going anyway. He talks about when Javier's visa was up and how he and Samuel made sacrifices so they could stay together. The whole thing escalates and stops being Javier and Samuel and starts being about Ben and Felicity. They take their argument into Ben's room. He says he was trying to be supportive and she counters that he was indifferent. He moans that she chose a job over him and she complains that he wants slow things down. He claims that he only said that because he thought that was what she wanted. She says she only agreed to it because he was freaking out. At that point, Ben grabs her and they start kissing. They start undressing each other and fall onto the bed. Felicity's voice-over states, "The first time Ben and I had sex, there were forty people in the room, and no one knew what we were doing." But, everyone did know what they were doing because they were all turned in the chairs, looking toward Ben's room. Javier gets up and asks everyone to start talking "so it's not so obvious we know." Conversation resumes. That is the tackiest thing ever! Maybe they should have just gotten it on during any of their other marathon snogging sessions that they had in private instead of embarrassing everyone at the party. Kids today.

Felicity is walking in slow-motion through the halls at school, in her voice-over, she says that she's not going to give Professor Morton any of the details, she's just going to turn down the internship. When she walks in the professor's studio, Professor Morton informs her that Quincy Calhoun is going to be the guest curator at the museum this summer. Felicity just says, "That's amazing," and doesn't tell the professor that she is turning down the job.

At the loft, Ben asks Sean if Felicity has called. Sean tells him that she hasn't. Sean and Richard are both wearing aprons and are at the kitchen island, cutting up a bunch of food. Ben worries that Felicity is "getting sucked into" taking the job. Richard asks Ben why he just doesn't stay in New York for the summer. Ben explains that his job in Palo Alto will cover his tuition. Richard exclaims, "Y'know where I'm going this summer?" Ben enthusiastically asks where and Richard says he's going to Palm Beach. Ben kvells, "Oh, yeah?!?" then immediately turns and walks away. Richard doesn't notice Ben' insincerity and says, "The beach, a little SPF 45, a pair of sunglasses and a Speedo, oh, I can't wait." Well Richard, the rest of us can wait a really looonnnngggg time without seeing you in a Speedo. Ben feigns more interest and says, "That's great," then he immediately turns back to Sean asks him what he should do. Sean reminds him that they've talked it through already and Ben couldn't make nearly as much money staying in New York as he would in California. Julie waltzes in modeling an outfit that she has to wear this summer for her job at a resort in Maine. It kind of looks like the old-school Swiss Chalet dresses that the servers used to have to wear, back in the day. It's a red and white print dress with big puffy sleeves. Frankly, it is not as hideous as some of the outfits that Julie has chosen for herself. Let us not forget the Astroturf hat she wore in her Docuventary interview. Sean hands her a note and tells her that Carol Anderson called for her. Julie takes the note and looks stricken, then asks Sean what the message was. Sean tells her there was no message but that Julie should call Carol back. Julie says thanks and walks away. When Julie is out of earshot, Ben explains that Carol Anderson is Julie's birth mother.

Felicity is still with Professor Morton, looking at some slides. She eventually stutters that she can't take the job after all, even though she really appreciates the offer. The professor seems disappointed.

At Dean & Deluca, Javier thinks he should be having a heart attack because his heart is beating so fast. He has something to tell Samuel, but he's scared. Ben tells him to calm down and tell him what's up. He starts to, but interrupts himself to say that his cousin and Samuel are about to come through the door. Javier warns Ben that his cousin is trouble and that Ben should stay away from her. Before Ben can ask any questions, Samuel and the cousin, who is named Natalie, are at the counter. The actress playing Natalie is well known as the woman who sets off the sprinklers in the Doritos commercial. Javier introduces them and then Samuel takes him aside to say that the string quartet has cancelled. Javier tells Ben to give Natalie anything she wants. He makes a little devil horns sign behind her back, as he ushers Samuel into the back room. Natalie orders a latte and grabs a muffin and says that she "insist[s] on paying." So far, the sprinklers are inactive. She's from Texas but she is moving to New York fall to attend grad school. Ben says, "Uh, really," and busies himself with getting her latte. She stands at the counter and seems to appreciate the view. As we all do.

In a washroom at the university, Felicity runs into Dr. Pavone. Toni Pavone congratulates Felicity on the internship as she walks into a stall. Felicity is washing her hands at a sink and she shouts that the job "fell through" and that she decided to go home for the summer. Dr. Pavone asks if Felicity is going home to spend time with her mother. Felicity admits that her dad has been home for a few weeks and she thinks they're "going to try to make it work." The good doctor asks Felicity, "You're turning down this internship to be with Ben, aren't you?" Felicity tries to play it off and says, "No," rather disingenuously. Dr. Pavone tells her that even though she didn't ask for any advice, she's going to give some regardless. Her "three cents" is, "I know you, I know Ben, I know what this internship is. Take the internship." Felicity protests that she is not turning down the opportunity out of fear of losing Ben, she just wants to spend the summer with him. Dr. Pavone says, "If you and Ben are going to work this out, and I hope you do because I love that kid, then you'll be there for each other, long after this opportunity has come and gone. That's what love is about." Felicity mumbles, "No one's ever said love." Dr. Pavone retorts, "Well, in that case, take the internship. I only give the really good advice in the bathroom." With that, she's out the door, leaving Felicity standing there, with her mouth hanging open. The voice-over says, "When she left, I felt the same way I always feel after I see Dr. Pavone. Certain she's wrong and a little resentful and then after I have some time to think about it, I finally understand. This time was no different." During the voice-over Felicity has walked in slow-motion to Dean & Deluca. She's standing outside, looking in the window, watching Ben and Natalie, sitting at a table, laughing and talking. Felicity has her mouth hanging open again. I don't know how she can make anything out of Ben talking to someone, but she apparently can. It's not like Dean & Deluca's or Ben's sprinklers are going off.

Slow-mo commercial for Kodak Max, exhorting young women to "flash" young men. PSA against teen peer pressure. "Veesah" ad with an Olympic pole vaulter. I can't call it that myself. It will always be my "Veeza" card. Cola commercial with polka-ing senior citizens. Hey, it's the Pepsi generation, coming atcha, going strong. You've gotta a lot to give and a lot to live...especially if you eat Snackwell's Coconut Creams. Snackwell's likens eating their cookies to wearing a push-up bra to work and hiding the remote. Alex, what are things that do nothing to improve your life? The WB wants to you watch a Jack and Jill episode.

And again, Felicity and Ben are in his bed, partially clad and going at it. She asks him what he would do if their positions were reversed. Hey, whoa, I don't think they can show that kind of sexual activity on television, even on the WB. Actually, she wants to know what he would do if he had a great internship opportunity. He says it would depend on the job. She mentions that when she saw him talking to Natalie, she realized that even if they were in the same city, she couldn't "babysit their relationship." Ben says that he thinks she should take the museum job. Felicity frowns and says it is too late. Ben tells her that it isn't too late and she should go talk to the professor in the morning. She asks if that is what he would do. He says he would definitely take the job. She says that maybe it was "drastic" of her to turn it down. Ben says, "It's not like, it's not like, y'know, we're, we're..." She says, "No, no, I know, I know..." Ben suggests that they slow things down a bit. Felicity thinks, "That's probably smart." Well, that little exchange has definitely killed the mood.

At the loft, Meghan tells Sean that she's going to be a counselor at Wicca camp this summer, in Illinois. Sean says that he thought she got kicked out of Wicca camp last summer. She informs him that the camp is now under new management and she has to concentrate on being the best Wiccan she can be, which means that she can't be distracted by him. According to Meghan, their night together was a mistake and it can never happen again. Sean says that he understands and they look into each other's eyes for a few moments. Since they are sitting on his bed, when Meghan says, "So, just one more time," they are able to grab each other and fall onto the bed.

Felicity tracks down Professor Morton to ask if it is too late for her to accept the internship. It turns out that the professor has offered the job to one of her grad students, and he may accept it. The prof says she'll call Felicity if the other student doesn't take the job.

Ben and Sean are setting the table at the loft, when Sean says he can't believe that Felicity accepted the internship over Ben. Richard appears and says, "Now you know what it's like to be Knoll." What, did Ben get his nostrils enlarged and I missed it?

Out on the street, Elena is looking at a fugly pink macraméd fishing net that it is passing as a dress, while Felicity tells her about Ben wanting to take things slow.

Back at the loft, Ben tells Sean that he told Felicity that she should take the internship. Richards butts in and says, "It sounds like you and Chia head are officially on the rocks, Mr. Slick." Ben tells him not to refer to her as Chia head. Richard starts to walk away and he pats Ben on the right pec. Ben says, "And don't pat me." Maybe Ben should pat him back, but with his fist.

On the street, Felicity whines to Elena that someone else has first chance at getting the internship. Elena, who is now holding the pink monstrosity, doesn't think Felicity has a problem because now she is free to go to Palo Alto with Ben. However, Felicity isn't sure she wants to go back home for the summer because she thought she and Ben might actually be in love and now she doesn't know. Elena asks her if she loves Ben and Felicity doesn't say anything.

Julie is sitting in a booth at Epstein Bar. That place should charge these people rent. Her birth mother walks in and they have an awkward hug. Carol is, of course, also the mother to Malcolm in the Middle. They sit down and Julie says that she's been doing really well. Mrs. Inthemiddle lets the small talk continue for about a minute before breaking the news that Julie's birth father is sick. Julie looks stunned, well, more than usual, and asks, "How sick?"

McDonald's has a Dinosaur promotion going on. McDonald's and Disney: junk food for the stomach and soul. Alyssa Milano has time to do a 1-800-COLLECT commercial after completing her day job on Charmed. Coke thinks that a million dollars will mend a broken heart. A Popular trailer is shown. WB News at 11. Friendly's rips off McDonald's who ripped off Dairy Queen, with their Cyclone. The iMac Special Edition is apparently just like a car. I think the iMac handles better though. Near East markets their couscous as a replacement for potatoes. Actually, I've purchased that brand of couscous, and it's pretty good.

Felicity and Ben are basking in the post-coital light and she is teasing him about saying "ennythin" instead of anything, and "Have-ee-ay" instead of Javier, but he denies doing either. He does say that he is sorry that she lost the internship. She doesn't think he is but he seems sincere in saying that he does. She says that they'll be together all summer because his flight is leaving tomorrow and hers is three days later.

At what could be Central Park, a crowd has gathered under a white marquee. Tuxedoed men are carrying huge floral displays toward it. Julie and Ben are wiping down white chairs under the tent when he asks her if she is all right. She says she is okay and he inquires about the call from her birth mother. Julie explains that she saw Mrs. Inthemiddle the day before and that her birth father needs a kidney transplant. Mrs. Inthemiddle wants Julie to be tested to see if she would be a suitable donor. Julie reacted by stomping out because she was angry that her mother wouldn't let her meet her father, and because she didn't get back in touch until she needed Julie. Ben acknowledges that Mrs. Inthemiddle has handled things very badly, but he points out that Mr. Inthemiddle is an innocent party who doesn't know who she is, but could be helped by her. Julie just looks sullen and doesn't mewl anything.

Felicity is helping Javier, who is also dressed in a tux, with his collar. Javier claims that he has jitters all over his whole body. He asks her how he looks on a scale of one to ten, with ten being him. She says that he is at least a ten. He says she's the best friend a person can have and they hug. Sean has forwarded calls on the loft phone to his cell phone and he brings Felicity the phone, since there is a call for her. Javier freaks out and thinks that Samuel is backing out or that any number of catastrophes have happened. It is just Professor Morton calling to offer Felicity the internship again.

Knoll escorts Natalie to some seats directly in front of Elena and Tracy. Elena is wearing the macraméd dress and she asks Knoll where he was all night. Knoll says that he and Natalie spent the night walking around the city. Elena demands, "All night?" Natalie asks if Elena has never done anything like that before. Elena snarls, "If we get to know each other better, I'll let you in on things like that." Natalie takes it in her stride and turns around in her seat and says "Wow." Meghan is heading for a seat when Sean spots her and drags her away from the marquee to talk to her. He says that he's going to talk and he wants her to keep her "cruelty and sarcasm" to herself. He claims that they have spent "two of the most fun nights of all time together" but that she looks at him like he's insulted her. He reminds he is letting her stay at his loft as a favour and he "deserve[s] and demand[s] the courtesy of some kindness." Meghan rolls her eyes and glares at him. Sean takes a box out of his jacket and hands it to her because when he saw it, he thought of her. She opens it to reveal a small silver skull on a silver chain. Meghan says, "No one's ever given me jewellery before." Sean interrupts her to say that it's nothing much. She continues, "Let me finish, that I don't wear in my nose, tongue or bellybutton." Sean says, "Oh."

Javier walks down the aisle with his mother to the strains of the Wedding March, played on the guitar. The woman playing his mother could really be his mother. They both look adorable. Felicity, a clergywoman, Samuel, and his best man are waiting for Javier at the end of the aisle. The clergywoman begins, "There is no more precious gift than love. There is no more sacred institution than that of marriage, two lives brought together, to form one." Javier says, "I'm not going to make this without crying." The clergywoman continues, "Your commitment must be primary. Know that in the days and years to come, you will laugh together, cry together, go through light days and dark..." [At this point, Richard wells up and has to ask the woman in front of him for a tissue] "...be sick and well, but always you will love." She asks for the rings, then announces that Javier and Samuel have written their own vows. Javier begins, "Dearest Samuel, you are my light, my soul, you are my best friend, my lover, and also my roommate. I feel that it's almost not possible that I met you, but I did. I want to thank you for being so understanding, especially that I didn't tell you until last night that year, I'm going to be a freshman at the University of New York. And I promise that I will always do everything I can do to make you feel as blessed to be my partner as I am to be yours. I love you." The gang all exchange glances when they hear about Javier becoming a student. Samuel begins, "My sweetheart," and Javier interrupts because he needs tissues. Samuel continues, "I look at you and I see love. I look at you and I see my future. No one who knows you can't consider himself blessed. To be the man who gets to grow old with you, I am truly the most blessed man alive. I thank God for you, and I love you." The clergywoman wraps everything up by saying, "Having proclaimed your profound love for each other, in the presence of family and friends, I now pronounce you partners in life." Samuel and Javier kiss and I feel the need to wipe away a small tear.

Now they're cutting the cake and not doing that obnoxious "smash-the-cake-in-your-spouse's-face" thing. Most of the guests are dancing and having a good time. Ben looks at the happy couple and mentions to Felicity that "they're so happy, they're not worried about anything." He points out that he said anything and not "ennythin." Felicity tells him that Professor Morton has offered her the internship again. He asks if she is going to take it and she says she is. They stare at each other for a bit and then he says, "Well, we better start dancing." They get up from the table hit the dance floor. Knoll tells Natalie that he feels "a connection" to her even though they've only known each other for a day. Natalie wonders if he is still heartbroken over Ruby. He says he doesn't care if he is desperate to make a connection because he has spent the past year "trying to do the right thing and be the nice guy" and he is sick of it. Always the charmer, that Knoll. Natalie purrs, "Do you ever feel like doing something dangerous?" Knoll flares his Knollstrils and asks what she means. She restates it by saying, "Do you feel like doing something scary?" Believe me, honey, spending a week with Knoll will be the scariest thing you've ever done. Knoll stares straight into her eyes and belts back his drink. Natalie, don't let this one get away! Julie is sitting on her own and clearly moping. Javier gets her on her feet and on to the dance floor because "nobody pouts at [his] wedding." Samuel is dancing with a little girl, Elena with Tracy, Javier with Julie, Ben with Felicity, Knoll with Natalie, now Javier and Samuel are dancing together. Felicity murmurs to Ben that she doesn't want him to leave tomorrow.

Kotex with wings do a great job soaking up blue liquid. Plus, they make you dance well. "Mrs. Jones" is advocating that female athletes should be compensated in the same way as male athletes in a Nike commercial. Well, I think that Southeast Asian factory workers should be compensated in the same way American factory workers are. In the Nintendo game "Perfect Dark," lipstick, tight clothes and lots of guns will be the way of the future, cuz the present is nothing like that now. Club kid wannabes drive Saturns. "Extreme" cyclists imagine that you can stick your arm into a cheetah and pull out a can of Mountain Dew without losing your arm.

Felicity is still asleep in Ben's bed while Ben is awake and looking at his plane ticket. The alarm wakes Felicity up and they begin to snuggle.

Sean is dismantling all the tables from the party. Elena calls him looking for Knoll because Natalie didn't show up for her flight home. Knoll took most of his stuff and left a note saying, "See you in September, maybe." Sean asks her if she's seen Knoll and Natalie since the wedding. Elena says that all she knows is that they left the wedding early and she doesn't "trust that girl."

Julie calls her birth mother from a payphone in the street but hangs up when she answers. Because she's mature like that.

At the loft, Sean has crashed out on the sofa when Meghan comes in, wearing the necklace. She tells him that she quit the Wicca camp and she invites him to go to her parents' villa in Tuscany for part of the summer. He just laughs and they start making out.

Ben is putting his stuff into a cab out on the street. He and Felicity say their goodbyes, start kissing, OF COURSE, then he says, "I love you." Felicity says it back and starts to cry. He finally gets in the cab, leaving Felicity with a case of Jennifer Aniston's Disease, which is quite evident in her purple tank top.

Now Felicity is curled up on Ben's bed acting all pensively. Ben is in an airport lounge acting all pensively. Dr. Pavone calls Felicity and asks her to come to her office. Felicity arrives as Dr. Pavone is packing up boxes. She congratulates Felicity on taking the internship then she shows her a photo of her husband in his senior year. She tells Felicity about their long-distance relationship and how they survived. Dr. Pavone tells Felicity that the fact that she chose herself over Ben means that she's growing and "making adult choices." Felicity whines that she wishes growing up wouldn't be so hard. Dr. Pavone tells her that it wouldn't be growing up if it weren't hard.

Felicity is up on the roof, by herself, acting all pensively and thinking about Ben, congratulating herself on acting like a grown-up. See you, in September.