If you have never read an MBTV Felicity recap before, go to the FAQ first. Read it. Learn it. Live it. Love it. Do not e-mail us or start stupid-ass threads in the forums to correct our spelling of Knoll. I have threatened to forward all the spam I get at my Hotmail account to anyone who does so, and so help me, I'm going to do it. This is your final warning. The irony- and sarcasm-impaired have no business being at MBTV. I mean, have you ever read a single thing that Wing Chun or Sars have ever written? Get a clue, people.
One more item on the agenda before I get started, it's a shout-out to Moira's friend Pamela: Hey, be patient!
Previously on Felicity: Greg asks Felicity to be his election campaign manager; Ben mocks Greg and his campaign; Felicity decides to run for president; Greg gives Felicity tone for running against him.
In a university corridor, Javier hands out flyers and yells, "Please, vote for Felicity, she's -- I don't know what word -- special. She's special. Vote for Felicity! Vote for Felicity." To one woman in particular, he says, "Oh, fantastic boots. I love those boots." Felicity appears and is agitated because with every flyer Javier hands out; he also gives away a coupon for Dean & Deluca. She tells him it's against the rules and he says, "You have to do what it takes to win. It's cutthroat." Felicity thanks Javier for helping but says, "No more coupons!" Felicity starts walking down the hall in slow motion and in the background Javier says, "Vote for Felicity, she's not just a pretty face." Meanwhile, Felicity has started composing a tape to Sally in which she tells her that she thought that the worst thing that would happen would be losing but she's realized that "compared to running, losing should be easy." Felicity comes to an abrupt halt in front of one of her campaign posters, which features a huge head shot of her, to see graffiti reading, "Chia Head" on it in big read letters. She grabs it off the bulletin board and it isn't just a paper poster, it actually looks like it is mounted on foam-core. Maybe the first order of business for the new president would be to review campaign spending. As she is walking away with the poster, Richard passes her and giggles, "Chia head," while putting up one of his posters in the spot where Felicity's poster used to be. Felicity says, "It's not funny." Richard replies, "Tell me about it. Someone keeps setting my 'Free pizza' banners on fire." She thinks "that's crazy" because "it's just student council." Richard thinks "the only difference between college and national elections [is] soft money." Felicity asks him what that means but he says he doesn't know. Hmmm, a politician spouting a catchphrase even though he doesn't know what it means. Like, that would ever happen in real life. As if. Hey, this is what recapping The West Wing must be like. Ben joins them and tells Felicity that he has just seen someone defacing her posters that he chased the guy, but "lost him in the subway." Ben claims he has seen the perp before, it's the guy who always wears shorts and a red hat. Hey, this is what recapping Third Watch must be like. What a minute, I haven't vomited, so maybe this isn't so much like Third Watch.
Anyway, Ben claims that the suspect is one of Greg's campaign minions but that Greg is behind it because "he's pissed" that Felicity is running against him. Felicity doesn't think that is possible even though I think it is highly probable. Richard snerks at the thought and Ben says, "Could you give us a second?" Richard snipes, "Happily," and begins to walk away, but before he goes he says, "Politics, it's a hardcore, tough-ass world, isn't it?" With a final snerk, Richard is gone and Ben and Felicity are left gawking and rolling their eyes at each other.
Felicity is making her way up some outdoor stairs, then she's descending stairs inside which lead to the Health Centre. She stops in her tracks when she sees Greg conferring with a guy wearing a red hat. The guy leaves as Felicity makes her way to the front desk. Greg says hi then asks for one of the doctors' phone numbers. Felicity says that she'll get it for him from the computer. As she does, she tells him that one of her friends thinks that she saw the red-hatted dude writing "Chia head" on her poster. Greg admits that André, is a "funny little guy" but he definitely wouldn't have ruined Felicity's posters. Felicity says, "That's what I thought," with very little conviction. Greg wonders when they're going to have another date but Felicity asks if he isn't too busy to go out now. Greg suggests that they go away for the weekend together after the election. Felicity hesitates and Greg says, "You think it's too early for that?" Felicity answers, "Don't you?" Greg says, "Probably." A guy interrupts them to ask if either know anything about his campaign web site being hacked. Neither of them is aware of that happening and Felicity tells him that everyone's campaigns are being attacked. This nameless candidate swears revenge on the responsible party, then he swirls his cape around him, adjusts his monocle and top hat, and disappears into the fog. Carpetbagger.
Felicity is outside on the hustings, handing out flyers while her voice-over to Sally describes the strong-arm tactics used in the fourth grade class elections. She can't believe that the same things are happening in college elections. Sorry to break it to you Felicity, but that crap happens EVERYWHERE in adult life. To paraphrase Richard, it's a hardcore, tough-ass world. Richard approaches her and tells her that she doesn't have a chance. Felicity crinkles her nose and rolls her eyes, which is pretty much her standard response to everything Richard says or does.
Boxes of campaign flyers and posters surround Knoll, Ben, and Felicity. Ben says, "Of course that's what Greg's gonna say, I mean, what else is he gonna say?" Knoll says, "You told him that Ben saw André drawing on my, uh, your posters?" I guess that means that Knoll designed the poster for Felicity. Big deal, Knoll. Any monkey with PhotoShop could have whipped that up. Felicity says that she told Greg that one of her female friends saw André. Ben asks why she lied and she says she did it to protect him from Greg. Naturally, he-man Ben blusters that he doesn't need protection from Greg. You never know, Ben, Greg could put a blood pressure cuff around your arm really tight, or he might slip some drugs into your drink. You can't trust that guy. Knoll asks Felicity if she can trust Greg and she says that she does. Ben pouts, "So you believe Greg over me?" She says that's not true but she thinks that Ben may have seen someone else vandalizing her posters. Ben thinks that Greg is "playing with" her. Knoll asks Ben what he thinks Felicity should do. Ben says, "It's simple, all you have to do is leak his drug arrest to the school newspaper, and he's out, out of the race." Felicity is against Ben's idea because the campaign is too nasty already. Knoll shrugs his shoulders and walks away while Felicity and Ben exchange a weird glance.
In her continuing tape to Sally, Felicity explains why she's going back on her word and is going to fight "dirty" in her campaign. The reason? Because everyone else is doing it. Spoken like a true politician! So, we get a view of a particular bulletin board. The guy who came to the Health Centre is named Keith Fannin, and he's running for president. He furtively takes down two of Felicity's posters and replaces it with two of his. Then a young woman named Carol Manning comes up and puts one of her posters on top of Keith's poster, then she crosses out his face on the other poster. You can see where this going, can't you? Richard arrives and puts up one of his posters on top of Carol's poster, and defaces her other poster. Felicity and Ben show up and remove a bunch of posters and put up hers. Ben writes "Dick" across Richard's photo and Felicity grabs the marker and adds her own scribbles. Greg and André saunter up the bulletin board and while André turns Felicity's poster over and writes "Greg Stenson for President" on it, Greg scribbles over Richard's already scribbled-on face. Um, Greg? You supposedly care about Felicity so why are you letting André do this? Wait a minute, is it because you're an unrepentant dirtbag? Ah, yes, that's what it is. Richard comes back and surveys the damage done to his poster. He takes it down then covers the entire board with 8-1/2 x 11-inch flyers in various colours. Ben and Felicity return and rip down Richard's flyers and put up more of her posters. Okay, I'm guessing that campaign material can only be posted in certain places around the school but there have to be more official election sites than just this one bulletin board. C'mon! Thankfully, all this cloak and dagger vandalism eventually comes to an end.
Julie and Elena are mixing up spackle compound or maybe it is a new brand of makeup, at Elena and Knoll's apartment. Julie says that there are always so many pranks pulled during elections that "the campus police don't even bother to respond half the time." À propos of nothing, Elena says, "What do you think of going to the top of the Empire State Building?" Julie claims that she's already been up there and "it wasn't that exciting." A perturbed Elena explains that she was talking about going with Tracy. Julie emits a Valley Girlesque, "Oh." Elena ponders whether going up the Empire State Building is "campy touristy or stupid touristy." Julie doesn't answer the question but she suggests that Elena make a lobster dinner at the apartment. Elena asks, "Are you paying for the lobsters?" Julie ignores the comment and says that a dinner at the apartment would be "so romantic." Elena describes the great date she had with Tracy on Tuesday and how she was conflicted about asking him up to her place afterward and how he didn't really push for an invitation. Julie tells her that she's "over-thinking it." Elena wails, "Oh god, I'm starting to act like Felicity all of a sudden." Hey, don't cut your hair off, Elena! Julie thinks that Tracy respects Elena and doesn't understand why this is a problem for Elena. Elena shows a big stockpot to Julie and asks if it is big enough to hold two lobsters. Julie declares that it's perfect. Elena's question is about how to get rid of Knoll for the evening. Julie offers to "take care of Knoll." If you're going to take care of Knoll, please do it Sopranos-style. Elena is thrilled and tells Julie that she "owe[s] [her] big." Julie just looks wistful. Or constipated. Either one.
We get a close-up of one of Felicity's posters which is stuck to the side of a pop machine. So much for my "official campaign sites" theory. Someone has drawn on a beret, glasses, a moustache, a goatee, and darkened her eyebrows, which is pretty funny. Ben comes to the machine to get a pop and when he notices the poster, he rips it down and puts it in the garbage. In a room adjacent to the pop machine, André says to Keith Fannin, "Hey, if you're gonna hang my candidate in effigy, at least make it look like him." Keith says, "C'mon, it was pretty good for someone with no artistic talent," and walks away. Ben goes up to André and says, "Hey, it's the graffiti artist, right?" to which André replies, "Do I know you?" Ben informs him that he was the guy chasing him the other day. André doesn't know what Ben is talking about. When Ben elaborates, André denies any knowledge of the vandalism. Greg arrives and asks what's going on. Ben explains that he saw André ruining Felicity's posters. Greg says that he's already told Felicity that André wasn't responsible. This week's pissing match begins when Greg says, "So what are you suggesting, that I had him run around and vandalize my girlfriend's campaign posters?" Ben counters with, "Girlfriend? No, I don't think so. I don't think it's your girlfriend." Greg says, "Yeah, my girlfriend. What, are you jealous? You jealous?" Ben looks at him sort of balefully, then turns and walks away without any further pissing. Scott Speedman really did convey the right amount of hurt and jealousy in his expression in this scene. Go, Speedy.
Ben arrives at Richard's door, all out of breath. Richard asks, "What's up?" Ben says, "I want some information on Greg Stenson." Richard glances around then says, "You've come to the right place," and leads Ben into his room. Shouldn't he have said, I've got some information about Greg Stenson? I listened to it a few times and he definitely says want.
Knoll has Felicity's poster up on the screen of his iMac and all he is doing is increasing the view size. I've already complained earlier this season that a real graphic designer would not use an iMac, you can't even see an actual full page on it. Anyway, there's a knock at the door and it turns out to be Ruby. Knoll ushers her in and asks how it went when she told her parents that she is pregnant. Her mother was "furious" and wouldn't talk to her for two days and her dad was "cool" about it but hit the bottle, which is not what she expected. Knoll asks if she's told the father of the baby yet. She hasn't and she doesn't plan to do so. The father's name is Wade, which Knoll repeats, like it was a dumb name. Hey Knoll, at least Wade's name is correctly pronounced by most people, unlike your own. Ruby announces that she is not calling him because she barely even knows him. That appears to sting Knoll a bit, or maybe that's this week's bit of Knoll's flatulence sniffing. Ruby goes on to say that she missed Knoll, which jolts him out of his toot inhalation. They both smile weakly. Maybe Ruby smells it now.
Felicity, Julie, and Leelah walk into Felicity's dorm room and Felicity immediately notices that her posters are gone. Julie asks, "Who do you think would do this?" Felicity looks thoughtful.
At the Health Centre, Felicity says to Greg, "It's one thing to steal someone's posters, it's another to break into someone's room. Meghan said she saw a guy who looks like André leaving our room with my stuff." Greg condescendingly says, "Didn't you say that Meghan practices witchcraft?" Arrggghhh! I hope that Greg is not planning to be a gynecologist or even having any female patients. His patronizing "it's all in your female head and your female opinion is not to be trusted" rhetoric is all too common in medicine today. Dude, you belong in the morgue, where you don't have to have contact with living people. What more proof of his jerkassity does Felicity need? For god's sack! Greg whines, "I feel like I'm dealing with two people here. Felicity the candidate and Felicity the person. It's hard to reconcile." That's right, cover up your duplicity by accusing her of having multiple personalities. That sounds fair. Felicity says, "So talk to the candidate, what would you say if I were Richard or Carol?" True to bastard form, Greg says, "I'd tell you get over it, just move on, because that's, that's the way the campaign is." Felicity is visibly shaken by this comment, but she stands there without saying or doing anything. Greg continues, "You know, I care for you, so I'm not going to say that." Too late, Greg, you did already say it, in your own passive-aggressive, loathsome way. Dr. Schweitzer tells her that he's sorry about everything that is happening but he's known André for years and while André "may have screwed around" with other's people posters, he told André to stay away from her stuff. Was that before or after you stood beside him while he turned her poster around? What a big fat liar. That is so unlike a coke addict, isn't it? Felicity says, "So, you trust him over me?" Naturally, Greg avoids the question and turns it back on her and says, "Well, you trust Ben over me." Y'know, it's no secret that Knoll bugs me, but I don't think I've ever hated Knoll as much as I hate Greg right now. He suggests that until the election is over, "it is every man for himself." Greg leers at Felicity and she looks at him quizzically after he walks away.
Felicity is out on the street, wearing her Bad Idea jeans and her voice-over says, "So I talked it about with Ben and we decided if André was going to break into my room, we were going to break into André's, because fair is fair. We just needed a little technical help." The technical help to which she is referring is Sean's arsenal of listening devices, lock-picking sets, night-vision goggles and cellphone scanners. It seems that he used to be really into "spy gear." Knoll agrees with me that breaking into André's room isn't a great idea because Ben and Felicity aren't so good at breaking and entering. He thinks it will lead to "paying off hitmen and fishing hookers out of the Hudson." I don't think things will escalate quite like that, but I do think that breaking the law in order to win an election, is a bad idea. Call me a hopelessly naïve Canadian, but that's what I believe. Felicity rationalizes her illegal activity with her same old excuse, which is that everyone else is doing it, which turns out to be good enough reasoning for Knoll. Way to hang tight with those principles, dude.
Ben shows up at Richard's door again, and Richard, eating pizza, says, "I love this, what are you, like my Deep Throat?" Whoa, people call Richard "Dick," he's involved in dirty politics, he mentions Woodward and Bernstein's informant, all we need is Michelle Williams and Kirsten Dunst to complete the picture. Gee, could this be an election year in the US? Ben is there to tell Richard what he told him about Greg. But Ben is too late because Richard's minions have already printed and distributed a flyer about it. Ben sighs in frustration and Richard tells him that "you don't give a rat to snake then ask for it back the day." Ben says, "What? What does that mean?" Richard answers, "Exactly."
It's romantic dinnertime for Tracy and Elena, over at her apartment. They have adjourned to the sofa for some post-prandial getting' busy. In the midst of their loud kissing, Tracy gets up and announces that he has to "split." Elena is more than surprised at this development. Tracy says that he's promised to get up early and help Carol Nanning put up campaign posters. Elena is not buying this excuse and states that she thought he was voting for Felicity. Tracy's mouth hangs open and he can't come up anything else to say except to thank her for dinner. He promises to call her the day but he can't even make that sound convincing. After he leaves, Elena says, "What?"
Julie and Knoll are out on the street having an intellectual meeting of the minds, discussing whether they prefer sugary or salty snacks. Well, they're both salt in my wounds. Knoll divulges Ruby's personal business to Julie and mentions that Ruby's parents want her to call the baby's father. Julie starts to whine about birth parents and the right of Ruby's child to know whom his or her father is. Whatever. Julie insists that Ruby has to tell the father of her child about the baby so that when the baby is grown up, she or he won't have to "suffer the terrible, terrible burden" that she, Julie, has had to bear. Why these two lunkheads are even discussing something that is so not any of their business, is beyond me. Julie, the world doesn't owe you anything because your birth mother put you up for adoption so that a nice couple could raise you. Deal!
Tracy is following Elena up the stairs at school while she is counting to ten so that she'll calm down before speaking to him. Tracy wants to discuss things at another time and in another place. Elena accuses him of sleeping with Carol, which Tracy denies. He tells her that they'll discuss it later because they both "have class." Elena retorts, "At least one of us does." WTF? Who is writing Elena's dialogue these days?
Ben and Felicity are struggling to pick the lock on André's and they eventually open it. Felicity picks that time to remember the community service they were sentenced to after their last break-in. Ben promises that they're "not going to get busted for this, this is retribution." They enter André's room and start snooping around under the beds and in the closet. Ben finds boxes of posters and buttons for every candidate in the election. Suddenly, André's shorts-clad legs enter the room to pick up something. He doesn't see Ben and Felicity because they are hiding under the bed.
Felicity arrives at the Health Centre to tell Greg that she broke into André's room and found the campaign materials. Greg doesn't really care because he's got a copy of the poster Richard's team created to reveal Greg's criminal record. Felicity swears that she was not the one who spilled the beans. Greg accuses Ben of doing it, but Felicity is adamant that he is not responsible. They argue about it until Greg stomps away.
At the apartment, Tracy explains to Elena that the reason he left abruptly the other night was because he thought that "something would have happened" had he stayed. Elena points out that "something was happening." Tracy confesses that he is a virgin and he intends to remain one, until he gets married. Elena asks him if he is joking and he assures her that it was the way he was brought up because his parents "are very religious." Elena reminds him that his parents weren't married when he was born and he says that they don't want that to happen to him. Elena argues that by using contraceptives, "sex doesn't have to equal marriage," besides, she doesn't know "anyone who is waiting until they [sic] get married." Now she's using Felicity's "everybody else is doing it" logic. Elena gasps, "Wow, that's a lot to think about." Tracy advises her to take her time then he kisses her and leaves. I found Elena's arguments against remaining a virgin to be really offensive. She would flip if a guy questioned her morals and values.
At the loft, Sean is wearing his night-vision goggles and is going through the rest of his spy junk and Ben is berating himself for leaking Greg's arrest to Richard. Ben wants to tell Felicity but Sean talks him out of it. He likens Ben and Felicity's relationship to a flower. Then Ben changes his mind and decides that he doesn't want to tell Felicity and Sean changes his mind and thinks he should. Sean's head and face look even rounder than usual with the goggles on. Ben runs out of the loft and the viewers are left wondering what Ben is going to do.
In a large, empty lecture hall, Knoll uses the opportunity to lecture Ruby about telling Wade about the baby. He has the nerve to call her selfish. He throws it up in her face that she cut him out of the decision-making process when they thought that he was the father. Butt out, Knoll! Maybe you've heard about the choice that women have in deciding whether or not to carry a fetus to term? Well, when a woman chooses to have a baby, she also gets to choose whether she's going to involve the father in her life. Not that it's any of your business, any way.
Ben is looking at one of Richard's posters about Greg, which is tacked to the famous bulletin board, when Felicity appears and asks him if he was responsible for the posters. Ben says that he isn't and she says that she knew he wasn't.
There's an all-candidates debate in an auditorium. Keith says that he's not in favour of funding all school groups. Carol says that she is and Keith replies that the "hacky sack club" is not one of his priorities. Richard pipes up that it's one of his. Javier is sitting in the audience with Ben and Javier sighs and says, "Our little Felicity, I'm so proud of her." Richard reiterates his Free Pizza Fridays platform and then a student asks Greg about the allegations concerning his arrest. Greg admits that it's true and goes on to say that he wishes he had been "more up-front about it." Meghan stands up and says, "Hey, who here hasn't been addicted to drugs and arrested?" Everyone in the audience turns to look at her. Another student asks what else Greg is hiding. Greg claims that he isn't hiding anything else. Someone else asks if he sold or just used cocaine, and if it was only coke. Felicity jumps to his defense and employs the everybody-makes-mistakes gambit. Once she gets rolling in her speech, Javier snaps a few photographs of her. When she's finished speaking, Meghan stands up again and says, "Let's hear it for Greg Stenson." No one joins in her applause.
There's a party going on at Epstein Bar and Felicity's voice-over says, "If what happened to Greg at that debate, happened to me, I would have transferred to a different college, but he was really brave. He was able to put that whole thing behind him and not even dwell on it." Oh, puh-leeze. Whatever, Felicity. A young woman, who is the outgoing president, steps up to the mike to announce the election results. Why are they being announced at a bar? Anyway, there's a tie. Richard and Carol will be the new co-presidents. Richard, gracious to a fault, says, "A tie? This was supposed to be a victory party. That was the point, I was going to rub it in everybody's faces." Felicity asks Greg how they're supposed to act like "good losers." Well, Greg is an expert on being a loser but I don't think he's good at anything. He asks if she will go anyway with him for the weekend and she says they should start with having dinner in town, first. Knoll and Julie are at a table and he tells her that Ruby is going to call Wade. Julie thinks "that's great." Knoll tells her that her advice was "really wise." Julie admits that no one has ever called her wise before. Consider the source, Julie. You two buttinskis wouldn't know from wisdom if it came up and clunked your heads together. Felicity comes by the table and asks them if they've seen Ben. Julie tells her that he isn't feeling well.
Tracy is playing pinball in the bar when Elena approaches him to tell him that they can only be friends. Tracy repeats the word "friends" endlessly while kissing her in a more than friendly way.
Richard is holding forth on the secret of his success. He explains to Felicity that it was his Free Pizza Fridays slogan and Ben that put him over the top. Felicity can't imagine what Ben had to do with it and Richard tells her that Ben was his informer. Felicity gets up and tells Greg that she will go away with him, after all. Greg wonders what has precipitated her change of heart and she just says that they both need a vacation. They decide to leave the morning.
When the new day dawns, Ben is knocking on Felicity's dorm room door. She isn't there but Meghan is and she tells him that Felicity has gone away with Greg. She complains about wearing the straw hat and Felicity getting Greg. Ben begs to know where they have gone. Meghan says that "they've gone to some stupid bed and breakfast up in Rhinebeck. Makes me want to puke." Me too, Meghan.
Felicity and Greg are in the car, on their way, when she tells him that Ben was the informer. Greg tells her to forget about Ben and to concentrate on having a good weekend. She agrees and relaxes into her seat.