Previously on Felicity: Ben tells Knoll about Greg's past, Greg and Felicity kiss, Ben threatens to kill Greg if Greg hurts Felicity, Felicity discovers that Ben is in love with her.
Felicity is being interviewed by Sean, AGAIN, for his Docuventary. She is sitting in a booth at Epstein Bar and he tries to fix her hair before starting. Actually, he says that he's trying to make Felicity look "a little prettier." Naturally, she yells at him and he stops. I figured out in this scene who Keri Russell looks like now. It's Chloë Newsome who played Vicki on Coronation Street. I realize this doesn't mean much to the average North American Felicity watcher, but trust me, she does. Anyway, Sean says, "So, the guy from the Independent Film Channel says he wants a little more Felicity." Cut to Ben in the loft and Sean saying, "So, the guy from the Independent Film Channel says he wants a little more Ben." Ben sighs, "How long is this gonna take?" Sean sneers, "Like you got somewhere else to be." Ben mumbles, "Can we just do it?" Cut back to Sean asking Felicity to talk about Ben. Felicity questions, "Is that what this is going to be about?" Sean tells her that they want to know more about her love life. Felicity dryly states that Ben is not part of her love life. Cut back to Ben saying that he doesn't want to talk about Felicity and Sean shouting, "C'mon!" Ben says, "She thinks I'm a dick." Cut back to Felicity saying, "Ben is a jerk." Cut back to Sean asking Ben if he is a dick. Ben retorts, "Are you a dick?" Is Julie a bad singer? Felicity says, "He's immature, and that's what his problem is." Ben claims that Felicity is judgmental and since he did something because he cares about her, she thinks "it's a crime." Sean says, "So, you care about her?" Ben sounds like he's five when he says no. Felicity says that she doesn't want to talk about Ben and he says he doesn't want to talk about Felicity. After pausing for a second, Ben says, "Why, what did she say about me?"
Elena, Julie, and Felicity are hanging out in Knoll and Elena's apartment. Felicity is reading the school newspaper which is called News-At-A-Glance and she asks who Sadie Hawkins was. Julie thinks that "she's a famous feminist, maybe." I'm surprised that she didn't confuse her with Sophie B. Hawkins. Elena snorts, "She was a comic strip character, some ugly chick who chased down a man. Why, is there a Sadie Hawkins dance?" How lookist of you, Elena. Felicity confirms that the dance is a fundraiser for the upcoming student elections. Mewlie, I mean Julie, whines that "it is so unfair" because Elena will ask Tracy to go, and Felicity will ask Greg to go and she doesn't have anyone to ask. Knoll arrives home to proclaim that "there is nothing lamer than a school dance." Well, you'd know Knoll, king of all that is lame. Elena thinks that Knoll wouldn't have that attitude if someone had asked Knoll to the dance. Julie's pity party continues because she thinks Ruby is going to ask Knoll to the dance. Knoll explains that won't be happening because Ruby has gone home to tell her parents that she is pregnant. Felicity thinks that Knoll and Julie should go to the dance together. Yeah, they could make a movie about it and call it Lame and Lamer. Seriously, these two should be together because then they wouldn't be bothering anyone else. I know, they could get a spin-off of their own! Julie does ask Knoll but in his typically ungracious way, he declines the invitation by saying, "To a school dance?" After pressure from Felicity and Elena, he accepts rather grudgingly. Julie tells him to forget it rather wimpily. I think she should have told him to shove it, but that's expecting too much from her.
Felicity and Greg are in the dorm elevator, and she's making excuses for her bad bowling, something about the holes or the balls being too big. Paging Dr. Freud. Of course, instead of saying that it didn't matter and the point was that they were out together having fun, Greg concludes that she's the world's worst bowler, She says, "If I would have found the right ball, I would have kicked your butt." No, if you had found the right ball you could have beaned him with it. Mind you, it would have had to be a pretty big ball to take down his oversized melon. Now they're off the elevator and he waggles said melon while walking over to kiss her. Felicity asks him to the dance and he accepts almost as ungraciously as Knoll by saying, "There's no one I'd rather go to a really lame school dance with than you." We get it. School dances are lame. Greg tells her that he is running for student council president and he wants her to be his campaign manager. Hold the phone! It's the lame leading the lame. There is nothing lamer on earth than student council politics. Greg, it's Geeksville USA, population: you. Felicity protests that she doesn't know anything about student government but Greg thinks she was "amazing" at the sit-in.
Felicity is back in the booth at Epstein Bar, being interviewed by Sean. Felicity rhapsodizes about Greg's many accomplishments and thinks that Ben is just jealous of him. Sean asks if the atmosphere at Dean & Deluca is tense because she has to work with Ben. She demurs and says that she doesn't let him get to her.
At Dean & Deluca, Ben, who is cleaning a counter, laughs, "What, he's running for president? What's his platform, drugs not hugs?" Felicity, who appears to doing her homework, tells him to stop because "it is getting old." Ben replies that he thinks Greg is perfect for student council. Felicity wonders what that means. Ben says, "It means, have you ever looked at a picture of the student council in the yearbook? They all look like Greg: stiff, earnest, losers." With that, Felicity gathers up her books and says, "Here's the thing about Greg; he knows what he wants and he goes after it." Ben snidely says, "Yeah, yeah. It worked with you." Felicity's high horse is double-parked, so she gets on it and says, "Make as much fun as you want, Greg has some direction in his life," then it's heigh ho, Silver, away! Ben can only manage to come up with, "Oh, unlike me, right?" Dude, you've got to do better than that if you want Felicity back. Out on the street, Ben admits to Sean and his omnipresent camcorder that Felicity is right about him not having any direction. Ben says that he's made an appointment. Sean asks whom the appointment is with and Ben doesn't answer. Instead, we're transported to Dr. Toni Pavone's office. She's telling Ben that career placement tests are tools and not guarantees and the "results suggest that [he's] best suited to be a stockbroker." Ben is surprised, to say the least. Dr. Pavone sneers, "What, you were expecting maybe male model?" Um, Dr. Pavone, have you seen Ben? That suggestion is not that off base. Ben says that he was wondering what kind of answers he gave that made him sound like a stockbroker. She lists the other choices that the results suggest. One, is teacher, which Ben discounts immediately. Two is tour guide, and three is captain of a ship. Dr. Pavone chuckles and says, "Now that would be interesting to see." Maybe she is picturing him in uniform and rethinking the male model thing. Ben decides to go with stockbroker and Dr. Pavone agrees to set up an internship for him. I don't think getting an internship is quite that easy, but what do I know about fictional American colleges?
At the loft, Ben is dressed in a suit and tie and Sean and his camera are badgering him about the internship. Sean wants to know if Ben has any "first day jitters." Ben responds, "No, I'm actually getting the hang of it, it's a lot like gambling." Sean comments that Felicity will be impressed with Ben's job. Ben says, "Who cares?" Sean says, "You." Ben doesn't think Felicity will be impressed because it is not like he's "running for president or anything."
Felicity is sitting at a table in an outdoor café, which must be on campus because all kinds of election propaganda is visible in the background. Leelah, the girl who sparked the morning after pill protest at the Health Centre, stops by Felicity's table to say that she is running for student council president and to ask Felicity to sign her ballot petition. Felicity mentions that Greg is running too and that she is helping him. Felicity agrees to sign Leelah's ballot anyway. Leelah asks what Greg's platform is and Felicity tells her that they're still working on it. The discussion turns to the issues, like affirmative action, various "social programs," and chalking. Felicity is unfamiliar with the chalking issue so Leelah informs her that the university is against students writing notices about school events on campus sidewalks and roads even though it is completely washable. Richard, who is also running for president, interrupts their conversation. His platform is all about the fact that there are too many rules, like "no satellite dishes in dorm rooms, no ferrets, no fun." Plus, he's for free pizza on Fridays at the student union. He asks them if he has their support and neither answer for a few seconds then Leelah says no. Richard incredulously says, "Really?" Richard and Greg would be deadlocked in a race for the president of the "Least Self-Aware Club." Knoll could be vice president.
Ben returns home to the loft, with his tie loosened, and is greeted by Sean and the camera. Sean says, "Is that money I smell?" Ben asks him to "get rid of that thing." Sean yells, "What's up, Gordon Gekko? How was your first day of work? Did you learn a lot about supply and demand, makin' money -- " Ben says no, but he did meet a really cute kid. We get flashbacks of Ben in the office of the guy to whom he is interning. He is the clichéd Wall Street high flyer, divorced dad. It seems that it's Junior's time with dad, but dad is really busy so Ben is enlisted to entertain the kid. The boy, who looks to be about eight or nine, is named Steven. When they're left alone, Ben asks Steven "how's it goin'?" but Steven ignores him and just plays with his Gameboy. Do I hear strains of Harry Chapin's painful Cat's in the Cradle?
In Felicity's dorm room, she and Greg are working on his campaign. Greg pushes his laptop into her face so that she can read about his platform. Gee, that sounds kind of dirty, doesn't it? Felicity glances at the screen and notices that he is against chalking. He thinks it is defacing school property. She reads a bit more and sees that he is against "student fees going into university organizations," and wonders what he thinks about the small groups that "don't get that much support." His position is that students should have a choice in deciding which groups their tuition supports. Felicity questions why he is against affirmative action. He says that he thinks "students should be admitted based on their qualifications." Felicity appears speechless and just then, Meghan comes through the door. It seems that she wants to bring a sign for him to the upcoming all-candidates meeting. Greg directs Meghan to discuss it with Felicity since she is his campaign manager. Greg leaves and Meghan says to Felicity, "Sometimes I want to kill you in your sleep," and slams the door shut.
Sean is interviewing Felicity again and she says, "I do like Greg." Sean interjects, "Even though you completely disagree with every single thing he believes." Felicity tells Sean not to put words in her mouth because it is really annoying. Sean counters with, "Fine, you explain it." Felicity catches a few flies, then looks at her feet and mutters, "Well yeah, that's pretty much what it is." Sean says, "That's a disaster." Felicity whines, "Tell me about it."
Back on Wall Street, Ben stares at Steven as he spins around aimlessly in his dad's chair. Ben's idea of entertaining the kid is to do a card trick for him. Naturally, it doesn't quite work out. Steven is bored and he does some extensive eye rolling. Steven's dad arrives and apologizes to Ben because he knows that Ben is there to learn about trading. However, he needs to ask Ben for another favour first and he says, "You like Beethoven?" Cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon...
At the loft, Ben explains on camera that Steven's dad gave him tickets to a concert because Steven is "this piano prodigy." Sean interrupts and asks Ben if he ever told him about the keyboard he invented for people with only one hand. Ben exasperatedly says yes. Ben continues and says that he didn't know what he was thinking taking a career counselling test because he "sucks at tests." Sean wonders if Ben has told Felicity about the internship yet. Ben says, "No, I haven't told her. What am I going to tell her, that I'm a babysitter?"
Cut to Dean & Deluca where Ben is telling Felicity that he won't be in tomorrow because he has "an internship, a guy on Wall Street, actually." Felicity distractedly says, "That's good." Ben says, "Tell me why I should vote for Greg?" Dial it back a bit, Ben. For someone who doesn't like Greg, you spend a lot of time talking about him. Geez, do you want to marry him? Felicity says, "You're not going to vote for Greg." Ben admits that he isn't but he wants to hear Greg's campaign promises. Felicity's horse is rearing up and she says, "I'm not going to stand here and listen to you mock Greg." Good thing you can't hear me, Felicity. Ben persists in wanting to hear Greg's platform because right now Richard has him with the pizza thing. Felicity snarls, "You would vote pizza-for-president." Ben pushes a bit more and Felicity says that Greg wants to bring the swim team back. Heh. Ben is forced to admit that was a good one. Pam comes up to the counter and Ben tells Felicity that he's going to talk to someone who actually wants to talk to him and Felicity feigns disinterest but she keeps her eye on them. Felicity does her open-mouthed stare as Pam asks Ben to the dance.
At the loft, Sean asks Ben on camera if he's going to the dance. Ben mentions that Pam invited him. Sean asks if Ben is "into" Pam and Ben replies that "she's just a girl." Felicity is back in the booth at Epstein Bar, and Sean wants to know what her best memory of Ben is. Felicity recounts a tale from her cross-country trip with Ben about "a cheesy little motel" they stopped at. As Felicity is telling him what happened when they were getting into bed, Sean interjects, "And then you had sex. This is a really good story." Now, we all know that when they were on the trip they slept together but they didn't sleep together. Anyway, Felicity's story involves finding a giant spider under the bed covers and Ben's attempts to get rid of it. He used a glass and a magazine but somehow the spider got loose and crawled up Ben's arm. According to Felicity, Ben "spazzed out, screaming, dancing. He was such a girl about it." WTF? He was such a girl? Like males never get freaked out about spiders and all females do? Using the word 'girl' as a derogatory term really works my nerves. I'm such a woman about these things. The hotel manager apparently came to their room because he thought someone was being murdered. Felicity recalls that she laughed for two hours and just remembering it makes her start laughing again. Sean wants her to admit that she "still has the hots for Ben." Felicity denies it but Sean keeps badgering her until she declares the interview over. On her way out she gives him the finger, which is conveniently pixilated for the sensitive viewers at home. Sean says, "There goes my PG-15!"
Tracy is scraping the wallpaper in Elena and Knoll's apartment. Elena asks him to go to the dance. Tracy says that he's love to go to the dance but Lori from their chem lab has already invited him to go with her. Elena is miffed that he's going with Lori and informs Tracy that Lori only got a B- on her "O. Chem. exam." Elena haughtily tells Tracy that she's sure that he and Lori will have a great time at the dance. Geez Elena, first you're lookist and now you're marksist. Please don't tell me what you think about the music of John Lennon.
At the Health Centre, Greg thanks Felicity for helping him get the signatures he needed. Felicity reminds him that is her job as his campaign manager. Then she tells him it is also her job to point out what he is doing wrong, so she gives him a lengthy list of changes she thinks he should make in his platform.
Richard is discussing his platform at the all candidates meeting. He mocks the real issues and unveils his pizza strategy, which is conveniently detailed on the T-shirt he is wearing. Leelah leaves the stage while Richard is still talking and Felicity follows her out into the hall. It turns out that Leelah is frightened of public speaking and she's having an anxiety attack about it. Felicity tries to calm her down but Leelah thinks she's too far gone and convinces Felicity to read her speech for her. The fact that Leelah's parents are in the audience is the clincher and Felicity agrees to go in Leelah's place. Leelah's name is called to speak and eventually Felicity stumbles out on to the stage. As she crosses the stage, Greg gives Felicity major stink-eye. Felicity tells the audience that Leelah lost her voice and that she's going to read her speech in her place. When Felicity gets to the part that goes, "As an Asian-American student," the audience titters. Felicity forges on and gets cheers from the audience when she talks about the real issues. Meghan arrives with balloons and wearing one of those faux straw boater hats with a red, white, and blue ribbon on it, which reads, "Greg for president." Meghan is Tipper Gore for the new century. She sees Felicity and asks Leelah, "What's she doing up there?" Felicity gets to the part of the speech where she has to thank Leelah's parents and ask them to stand up. Knoll and Julie are sitting together and giggling. The parents stand up and everyone applauds.
After the speech, Knoll and Julie are heading down the stairs, talking about the speeches. They agree that Felicity was the best speaker. Julie suddenly wakes up and realizes that she is just blindly following Knoll and her class is actually upstairs. Knoll suggests that they should go to the dance together after all. Julie says that she has to be the one doing the asking. Knoll tells her to ask him and she does but he says no first, then he says yes. Whatever, Knoll. After his ignorant behaviour the last time she asked, I would have pushed him down the stairs for his jerky response this time. But I'm me and Julie is dumb. What're ya gonna do?
Greg catches up with Felicity and berates her for delivering "a very eloquent speech" which contradicted his whole platform. Felicity explains why she did it and asks if he read the list of suggestions she gave him. He did but he has no intention of changing any of his positions. Felicity confesses that she'd feel better working for Leelah even though she's worried that he's going to think she is a "traitor." Greg says that he thinks she is passionate and that's what he likes about her.
Felicity and Elena go into Felicity's dorm room and Elena compliments her on the way she delivered the speech. Leelah stops by to tell Felicity that she is dropping out of the race because she can't handle the public speaking required. Leelah urges Felicity to run and Elena agrees that it would be a good idea. Felicity tries to talk Leelah into staying in the race and asks Elena why she won't run. Elena says, "Because I'm not all Norma Rae, caught up in college politics like you." Leelah promises to vote for Felicity and Felicity looks like she's seriously considering the notion.
Tracy shows up at Elena and Knoll's apartment to belatedly accept Elena's invitation to the dance. It seems that Tracy has blown Lori off by telling her that he has other plans. Ah yes, the patented Marcia Brady "something just came up" brand of dumpage. Elena protests that it isn't a very nice thing for Tracy to do even to a B- Lori. Elena announces that her invitation has expired because "girls don't ask out other girls' guys." , she boots him out of the apartment and he tells her she looks good just before leaving.
Ben and Steven, who are both wearing suits, are at Dean & Deluca where Ben is scamming free pastries. Steven announces that he is allergic to dried fruit when Ben offers him the pastries, besides, he's not hungry. They're supposed to be on their way to the concert but Steven confesses that he doesn't want to go and that he quit piano a year ago. Ben takes him to play basketball instead of the concert. They play with their suit jackets off and their hard-soled shoes on. I can't believe that some janitor isn't in there yelling at them for scuffing up the wooden gymnasium floor. They slip and slide and Ben teaches him how to shoot and dribble. Oh yeah, he shows him how to play basketball too. They end up bonding over the fact that they both have jerky, absentee fathers. Little Boy Blue and the man in the moon... Steven asks Ben if he can dunk and Ben says that he can but he won't because he doesn't want to break the rim being that he's "a pretty strong guy." Why do I want to refer to them as Crispy and the Old Man throughout this scene?
Felicity is using the Health Centre phone to find out if there is still time to register as a candidate for the election. Ben runs in with Steven because Steven may have broken his finger while playing basketball. Felicity gets Greg, who, of course, doesn't want to help Steven since he isn't a student. Felicity and Ben exhort Greg to just take a look at Steven's finger to make sure it isn't broken. In the examining room, Steven is whimpering and Greg isn't doing much in the way of good bedside manner stuff, so Ben steps up to the plate. Okay, I'll admit that I don't know what an appropriate basketball reference would be, but I'm not Daniel and this isn't Sports Night. Anyway, Ben discovers that Steven hates peas so he tells him to yell out "Peas!" when Greg straightens out his finger. Felicity seems suitably impressed by Ben's bedside manner. Greg orders an x-ray of Steven's finger.
Sean is interviewing Felicity again, somewhere in the street, and she's talking about how she's never seen Ben act like the way he acted with Steven. She gets wistful and won't elaborate further.
Back in the Health Centre, Ben asks Felicity if he's going to have to pay for Greg's services. She doesn't think that Greg will charge Ben. He changes the subject and asks how Greg's campaign is going. Felicity tells him that she isn't working for Greg anymore and that she's going to run. Ben thinks she should run because she "really [has] this way of making people try harder." Felicity tells him that she thought he was "amazing" with the way he handled Steven. Cripes, will you two get back together already. Ben offers to sign Felicity's ballot petition so that she'll only have to get another 199 more signatures.
On Wall Street, Ben explains to Steven's dad how Steven injured his finger. Steven then confesses to his father that he dropped out of piano lessons a year ago. Of course, his dad doesn't even have a chance to respond to this admission because his phone rings and he just has to take the call. When you comin' home, dad? / I don't when, we'll get together then, son, you know we'll have a good time then. Successful Wall Streeters are bad men who neglect their children's needs. Is that a stereotype? Is Julie a bad singer?
Dr. Pavone is asking Ben, who is seated in her office, "What's ?" Ben wants to participate "in an after school program, coaching a kids' basketball team." Dr. Pavone isn't sure if one exists, but she promises to look into it.
Felicity walks into Greg's office and he hands her a stack of files which "need insurance codes." She thanks him for helping out Steven and Greg says that he hopes no one finds out about it. Don't worry, Greg. No one will ever suspect you of doing an unselfish thing. Felicity then breaks the news that she is going to run for president. Greg doesn't take it very well and then throws it in her face that he "risked [his] job seeing that kid because of [her]." Felicity says, "Don't turn the right thing to do into a favour for me." No kidding, Felicity. But to be fair to Greg, it's not like he has a lot of experience doing the right thing, you know, unless doing coke is the right thing. He says, "Running? Do whatever you want," and storms out. Yes Felicity, you should be running. Running far away from Greg!
Felicity is talking to Sean again, on camera, in the street. Sean asks if she and Greg got into a big fight about Ben. Felicity says it wasn't a fight and it wasn't about Ben. At the loft, Sean tells Ben and Felicity and Greg had a big fight and they aren't going to the dance together. Sean asks Ben if he and Felicity will be dancing together and Ben reminds Sean that he is going with Pam. Cut back to Felicity saying, "He's going with Pam?" Sean says, "Yeah, but you know he's totally not into her, right?" Cut back to Ben who is on the phone, asking Sean what Felicity and Greg fought about. Now Sean is asking Felicity if the fight was about the "fact that [she] betrayed him and now [she is] running against him." Felicity claims that she didn't betray Greg and she asks if the interview is over because she has to go. Sean asks if he can go to the dance with her because he "really wants to get it on film when [she and Ben] get back together." Felicity tells him that won't be happening. Ben shouts into the camera, "Felicity and I are not getting back together!"
Elena has just made some microwaved popcorn and Knoll is doing up the cuffs of his oh-so-groovy plaid shirt at their apartment. Elena wonders where he is going and Knoll informs her he is going to the dance with Julie. Elena is angry that she was not informed of this development. Julie arrives and Elena whines about being the only one not going. Julie tells her to call Tracy and Elena refuses to because she has "her pride." Julie and Knoll start to leave and Elena's pride lasts for about 20 seconds then she calls Tracy. From her side of the conversation it is obvious that he is giving her a hard time about changing her mind. She gets off the phone and adds sexist to her list of -ists and says, "That boy is wrapped around my finger."
At the dance, people are shuffling around in an attempt to appear as though they were a-movin' and a-groovin'. Felicity looks upon the dance floor from an upper mezzanine. She notices Richard doing his white boy dance moves while handing out flyers. Knoll, Julie, Tracy, and Elena arrive and look down at the dance floor. Tracy and Elena go off to scope out the food and beverage situation and Knoll asks Julie to dance. Julie says, "Oh God, maybe in a minute." Ben approaches Felicity and she asks him how Steven is doing. He tells her that Steven is fine and then he asks where Greg is. Felicity says that she's come alone and Ben asks why. Felicity stutters a bit, doesn't answer his question, then asks where Pam is. Ben says that Pam is talking to her roommate. Felicity tells Ben that she'll need his signature because she is going to run in the election and she thanks him for his encouragement. Pam appears and asks Ben to dance, and they leave. Meanwhile, Tracy and Elena are dancing but that song ends and a slow one starts and after some dumb bantering, they start dancing. Richard is still handing out his flyers and doing his disco moves, and to no one in particular he says, "You like to boogie?" Felicity is watching him and laughing. Greg appears from out of nowhere and tells Felicity that he is glad that she is running, "because it wouldn't be a real win unless [he] beat[s] the toughest competition." Felicity then beats him senseless. Actually, she says, "So you think you're gonna win, huh?" Greg says, "No, I think I'm going to kick your butt." They both laugh. This dude makes Knoll look like Mr. Sensitive. And speaking of Knoll, he and Julie finally hit the dance floor where Felicity is with Greg and Ben is with Pam. Felicity and Ben exchange longing looks across the dance floor. I long for Javier.