Previously on Felicity: Felicity found out that her parents got married because her mother was pregnant. Ruby told Knoll that she was late and that she's "never late." At least she didn't make reference to being "like clockwork" because I hate references to women's innards as being like Swiss-made gears.
Ruby and Knoll are sitting on a couch in his apartment. Ruby studies a small piece of white plastic. Knoll is looking at some papers and declares that the picture of the "woman sitting on the toilet" is "the worst graphic of all time." Clearly, he hasn't seen noelcrane.com. Ruby figures out that she just needs to "pee on this thing and then we know." Okay, I realize that they are both under a lot of strain here, but who doesn't know how a pregnancy test works? Even if you don't have personal experience, they are used as plot points on just about every television show ever made, up to and including this one. Knoll reads the instructions out loud and expresses his amazement that it only takes two minutes to get results. Ruby asks how late you have to be. Knoll says "any day after you're late" and then adds that "blue is no and pink is...pink is not no." Ruby thinks that her lateness might be a result of being "tense" or "screwed up because of stress." ["That certainly does happen. Not that I would know, or anything." -- Wing Chun] Knoll quickly agrees, saying that Ruby doesn't have to take the pregnancy test if she doesn't want to. Ruby expands upon her stress theory by saying that she "blew [her] Czarist costumes quiz" and she's been "breaking out." I swear, the makeup department glued one fake zit on her face for this scene, because other than that she has flawless skin. Ruby says she's also been "crampy" and Knoll says with way too much enthusiasm, "cramps are fantastic!" The irony is, as most women know, that the symptoms of pregnancy are very similar to the symptoms of incipient menstruation. It's one of Mother Nature's little tricks. Anyway, they both agree that they can just do the test later.
Ben and Felicity are visiting Dr. Toni Pavone, who is emptying her ashtray. The good doctor tells the terrible twosome that they are lucky the Dean didn't make a bigger example out of them. Ben says that they were just swimming, and Toni adds sharply that they were drinking -- "swimming while drunk" -- and asks whether Ben remembers that part, or if he was too drunk. Ha! I like Ben and all, but it's nice to see him put in his place once in a while. Toni sentences them to complete fifty hours of community service. Felicity and Ben think fifty is a lot. Dude, there's easily ten weeks left in the semester. Just do five hours per week. It's not that hard. I mean, Ben has all this spare time to play basketball outdoors in January, so it's not like there's a time crunch. Anyway, Ben expresses his dismay at the amount of hours and Toni replies, "Ergo, punishment." Ben says it's stupid since nobody got hurt. Toni gives them a list of possible community-service tasks, and tells them that the humane society one is already taken, which seems like a weird thing to say unless it's going to be a plot point later, or unless it was a shout-out to the dead dog Lucky or something. Toni also points out that they still have to keep their appointments with her. Ben expresses more disdain, since that's pretty much all he has done in this scene. Toni tells him to "change his tone" since she set the hours at fifty and she can go higher. She finishes by reminding them to choose their service by the end of the week.
Julie got a haircut. She's looking at herself in the mirror and saying, "Hi, I'm Julie Emrick. Eric's told me so much about you and your company." Then she says she can't believe she's talking to herself. Me neither. ["Who else wants to talk to her?" -- Wing Chun] She starts over from "hi," but this time goes right into the small talk and it's really annoying. Doesn't she notice how annoying she is being with the fakery and the giggling? She's practically channeling Jennifer Love Hewitt. As she continues, Sean walks in behind her, all studly with his new goatee. He asks Julie if she sees dead people. Actually, he asks her if she sees someone else in the mirror, or if she is talking to herself. Julie confesses that she's practicing to meet the head of Pop Rocks, her "label." Sean tells her to practice on him, and she demurs at first, but he convinces her. She starts out, "Hi, I'm Julie." Sean interrupts to say, "You're signed! Betty, get me the contracts." Sean keeps babbling about how he would do that, really, and asks what time the meeting is. Julie tells him it's at 4 PM. Sean tells her it's only noon. Julie says it's at 4 PM tomorrow. Sean tells her she has "big problems," and leaves. Julie starts talking to her best friend, the mirror.
Felicity walks down a darkened street with lots of steam rising from the grates so it's all atmospheric and stuff. Seriously, I hope the lighting director for this show gets paid well because everyone's skin always looks great and there's lots of well-lit street scenes. I'm going to watch the credits time and find out the lighting director's name. Anyway, Ben catches up to her and says that Javier told him she left work early. Then he points out that he pronounced Javier correctly -- ha-vee-AIR instead of ha-vee-AY. Remember, Felicity was busting on him about that the night they went swimming? Felicity says that she's meeting her dad for dinner, and that she can't look her dad in the eye anymore because things are so uncomfortable. Ben says that when his parents split up, it was weird seeing them alone and as separate people. Ben changes the subject by saying that Dr. Pavone told him Felicity is volunteering at the Health Center. Felicity says that she always wanted to volunteer there when she was pre-med. Ben also picked the Health Center and says that he's also always wanted to volunteer there. Felicity gives a surprised, "What?!?" Ben laughs and asks what that reaction was about. Felicity says she just "can't imagine" him...Ben finishes, "Helping people?" Ben says he can't imagine himself doing much of anything but that he's "pretty psyched about it." He asks whether it bugs her that he picked the same place. Felicity thinks it's great and looks bemused. I think Keri Russell used up all her expressions last week because this week, she looks either bemused or angry most of the time.
Knoll is sitting on the couch. There's a knock at the door, and he opens it to find Ruby, who shakes her head no. I guess that means, "No, I didn't get my period." Cut to Knoll examining the package of the pregnancy test. Ruby asks him whether Elena might walk in, and Knoll says that she's pulling an all-nighter with her "sexy new lab partner." Ruby comes out of the bathroom carrying the little stick and Knoll tells her to "gently lay it down on a smooth surface." Ruby lays it down on the coffee table and they both sit on the couch and stare at it. I hate on television shows when they wave pregnancy test sticks around, like it's not really just a piece of plastic with some pee on it. Like when Phoebe found out she was pregnant on Friends and they were all hugging her, all I could think was, "Ew, they are all touching her urine." But obviously, I have issues. Anyway, Ruby clarifies that they "want blue" and Knoll says "blue is good." Then they sit there for two agonizing minutes while Ruby asks, "How can it work so fast?" and Knoll talks about reactions and chemicals, and Ruby says she meant that it doesn't seem right that "this little white stick could give you the most important news of your life." They both say the word "blue" about ten more times until Knoll says, "Thirty seconds," and Ruby realizes that it is not now, nor will it ever be blue, and therefore, she is pregnant. Knoll won't give up though, and keeps asking her whether she sees something blue. Wouldn't they notice that it's pink? I mean, the choices weren't white or blue, they were pink or blue. Ruby just cries and Knoll looks stunned. Even though I knew she was going to be pregnant, that scene was still pretty excruciating.
Felicity and Ben are getting an introduction to the Health Center from a really, really condescending guy named Greg. He tells them that they usually try to stay away from the "comm serves" ("people doing community service" for those who are not annoying), because they don't really care and are just there to get their hours. Felicity says they "really want to help," but Greg is on to explaining the check-in desk. He points out that "records are going on the computer system, but [he doesn't] think [Ben and Felicity] are up for that." Instead he tells them to answer phones. Ben's male ego is all bent out of shape so he insists that he's up for the computer work, even though Greg tells him it involves "Excel" and is "a fairly complicated process." Ben says that he has used Excel at his dad's office. Greg tells Felicity to answer phones, and not to give out advice so that they don't get sued. Felicity says she wouldn't do that, and Greg leaves. Ben sarcastically says, "Love that guy! Huh?" Felicity asks Ben if he knows Excel. Okay, computer geek break: A large university like this one would not, in this day and age, keep their student health records on Excel for a number of reasons. First of all, Excel is not very secure and health records are pretty confidential (which also leads me to believe they wouldn't let just anyone have access to them for entry). Second, most large universities have or are migrating to a system-wide program like Peoplesoft or Oracle, or a custom-built solution. I'm just sayin'. At the very least, they could have said "Access."
There's a shot from outside the building looking at Knoll's apartment window. Ruby is looking out and Knoll comes up behind her and asks if she wants something to eat, or to go somewhere. Ruby doesn't. Suddenly she says, "Maybe I should keep it." Knoll tries to be rational by asking her what happens : "You quit school? We both quit school? Get married and get jobs?" Ruby tells him he doesn't have to do anything. Knoll asks how she's going to "take care of it." Ruby gets offended and says, "I'm not smart enough to raise a child?" as if intelligence alone is all it takes, and then says she could get a job. Knoll continues with his rational mode and asks her what kind of job she could get, with no degree, that would support a child. Ruby continues with her non-sequitur mode and says, "I don't want to be pregnant."
At the Health Center, a man walks in and tells Felicity (who is sitting at the front desk) that he had a nosebleed and he thinks he's a hemophiliac. Then he asks who she is, and she throws the question right back at him. Greg comes up to intercede and gets rid of the guy, explaining afterward that he's always coming in there, but he's not a student. Felicity asks if he's "looking for drugs or something," and Greg says he's just looking for attention. Then he puts on his Condescending Hat and asks Felicity is she's capable of picking up some pamphlets from the printer since "comm serves" are "famous for taking forever on errands." Ben is behind Felicity working on a computer and eavesdropping. Felicity starts to tell Greg off, but then thinks better of it. Then she apparently thinks again and says, "I might be a 'comm serve,' but I'm not an idiot." Greg says he never said she was. Felicity says he keeps "implying it," and adds, "For future reference, my name is Felicity." Greg walks away. Felicity grabs her scarf and turns around to tell Ben she is going, like he didn't just overhear the whole conversation since he's all of two feet away. Felicity peeks at Ben's monitor and sees he's playing a video game. She starts to admonish him but he says that "Excel is like impossible to figure out." Felicity thought he knew it, but he lied because Greg is "so condescending. He thinks he knows everything. I don't know. I just didn't want him to think I don't know anything." Felicity turns five years old and tells Ben he's going to get in trouble. Ben says he already is in trouble -- that's why he's there. Felicity looks bemused (again) and leaves.
Julie is in a meeting with Cheesy Eric and the head of Pop Rocks (who is named Larry). Larry takes two seconds out of his busy schedule to tell Julie, to the surprise of no one, that her record sucks. Well, he's a little nicer about it, but that's pretty much his point. Eric intercedes to fight for Julie's record, and probably also for the right to get in her pants. Larry agrees. Does anyone else think that Eric set that scene up with Larry ahead of time so that he could play the big hero to Julie? Larry invites them to a party and leaves. Eric reminds Julie that this doesn't mean anything will be released -- it just means she's going to make a record. Julie squeals like a baby rat.
Back at the Health Center, Greg is talking to Knoll and Ruby in the waiting room. He asks Ruby if she is there of her own volition, and apologizes for asking so many times, but explains that it's policy. Ruby says she wants to do this. Greg is actually being nice, instead of condescending, as he hands them a bunch of forms to fill out. Ruby and Knoll look a bit overwhelmed. Greg tells them that he knows "that the last thing in the world [they] want to deal with is something like this, but people go through it all the time. It's scary as hell, but you'll be okay." Then he asks if they have any questions about "tomorrow." Ruby asks if it will hurt, and Greg tells her there will be mild discomfort, akin to menstrual cramps. Knoll wonders if it's safe. You know, it's kind of sweet that he is concerned about Ruby's safety. Greg says it's twice as safe as having your tonsils out, and then tells them, "In a lot of ways, the most difficult part of this whole thing is...making the decision." ["Well yeah, that is the most difficult part so long as termination is a choice that women are freely able to make and so long as they are widely available in safe medical centres where dying or getting blood poisoning or getting harassed are not common occurrences. It annoys me that this show and others make it seem that choosing to terminate a pregnancy is so easy to do when all over North America women do not have access to such to such services, and more and more medical practitioners stop providing the service because they don't want to be murdered by people who 'value' life so highly." -- Maggie] ["Big ups to Maggie." -- Wing Chun]
Ben is still at the computer, but he actually has Excel open at this point. He looks over into the hallway and sees Knoll and Ruby. Ruby excuses herself to go to the ladies' room and Knoll heads for the lobby. Ben turns his head so that he doesn't have to make eye contact. Ben sees Knoll and Greg talking, and then Ruby comes back and she and Knoll leave. Greg walks over to Ben and asks him to file Ruby's records. Ben reads Ruby's records first. I'm assuming by "file," Greg meant for Ben to enter it into the system, so he would've read it anyway. I don't blame him. Come on. You would've read it too.
The day, Greg enters the Health Center to find Felicity and not Ben. He asks Felicity where Ben "the Excel expert" is. Felicity says he hasn't arrived yet and Greg asks her to tell Ben "when he gets here late" that he "looked at the work that he did yesterday and he did no work yesterday." Felicity babbles about different version of the program and Greg tells her he doesn't have a problem with her because she wants to be there. Ben, on the other hand, is just there because he has to be, and "having someone like him here makes it very difficult for us to get our work done." Whatever, Greg. It's not like Ben was running around unwinding rolls of gauze and doing stand-up comedy in the lobby. So he wasn't as productive as you would've liked. He's a volunteer. It's unpaid labor. Just put him on a different task and move on, loser. Felicity says, "Why are you telling me this?" Yeah, why is he talking crap about her co-worker and friend? Greg says that "officially" he has to take the "comm serves," but "unofficially, you can ask him." Felicity says, "To leave?" Greg concurs. Felicity tells him she won't do it, and that he should talk to Ben himself. Way to grow a spine, Felicity! ["I would have been more impressed had Felicity told him she planned to report his totally unprofessional behaviour." -- Wing Chun]
Ben walks into Epstein Bar and sees likely still underage Knoll drinking a beer. Ben sits near him and says he knows what's going on with Knoll and Ruby because he works at the Health Center with Felicity. Knoll looks more upset that Ben works with Felicity than that he knows about Ruby's pregnancy. Ben stammers out an explanation that he went through the same thing with a high school girlfriend, and he knows that Ben's probably the last person Knoll would want to talk to, but he understands what Knoll is going through, if he wants to talk. Knoll coldly says, "What's going on between me and Ruby is none of your business." Ben says he's trying to help and Knoll says (rather loudly, considering), "Ruby having an abortion should not have become a public discussion," and then picks up his coat and leaves.
Julie and Eric are returning from the party, both seemingly drunk. In case the stumbling and giggling wasn't a dead giveaway, Julie says, "I think I drank too much," and drops her keys. Eric hands them to her and she opens the door, and calls out to Sean and Ben. Since she's supposed to be drunk, "Sean" comes out sounding like "John" and I thought, "Who's John? She really is drunk if she thinks she lives with someone named John!" but then I figured it out. No one is there, so Eric starts making out with her. They fall to the couch with Eric on top, still kissing. Eric is really, really gross. Julie tells him to hold on, and to wait, but he isn't listening. Suddenly, Julie says, "Zach! Zach, get off!" and pushes Eric away. Eric is all, "Who's Zach?" In case you were wondering that too, Zach is the Pink Guy who raped Julie last season, and was portrayed by Devon Gummersall of Brian Krakow fame. Julie tells Eric to leave, and Eric stomps on out since apparently a record deal equals free sex.
Ruby is crying in the dorm bathroom. Felicity walks in and asks her if she's okay. Ruby takes a moment and then announces that she's pregnant. Felicity is stunned. I guess that's one more emotion for this episode -- bemused, angry and stunned. Ruby asks if it ever happened to Felicity, and Felicity says no. Ruby then asks if it ever happened to someone she knows. Felicity says yes, clearly thinking of her own mother. Ruby asks how old the woman was, and Felicity says she was nineteen. Ruby asks what she did about it, and Felicity says she dropped out of school and got married. Ruby asks if the couple is still together and Felicity says they split up recently. Ruby tells Felicity that she has an appointment at the Health Center tomorrow and wonders if Felicity thinks she is doing the right thing. Felicity tells her, "I can't tell you that. It doesn't matter what I say. It doesn't matter what anyone says. It's your decision." Ruby cries some more.
Felicity comes into the Health Center and Ben is already sitting there. Felicity walks up to him and says that Greg wanted her to talk to him because he found out that Ben didn't do any work. Ben says that Sean gave him some Excel pointers and he thinks he's going to figure it out. Felicity says Greg wants Ben to leave because he's "a distraction." Ben says, "So you've been here a day and now you're firing me?" Felicity says she told Greg she wouldn't talk to Ben, and gives him a book. It's Excel for Dummies. Felicity says Ben needs to show Greg that he wants to be there. Ben's ego flares up again and he says he doesn't have to prove anything to anyone, and that he doesn't want to be there. Felicity asks him why he chose the Health Center, in that case. Ben smiles. Felicity tells him to read the book. Ben says he's not going to, and she should tell Greg he's not coming back. I kind of expected him to stand up and cry, "I never learned to read!" because he is so clearly becoming the Jordan Catalano to Felicity's Angela Chase. ["I'm down with that." -- Wing Chun] Ben grabs his coat and Felicity asks him what his problem is. Ben says, "My problem is Greg's right. I don't want to help anybody. And when I try to, I can't. I'll call you later."
Ruby is sitting in Knoll's bedroom and Knoll enters to tell her it's almost time to go. Knoll tells her he keeps thinking of things to say to her, but that they all sound stupid in his head. Ruby tells him that he doesn't have to say anything. Cut to them walking to the Health Center, holding hands. They both look miserable. To add insult to injury, there are Valentine's Day decorations everywhere. A woman carrying a baby walks down the street and they have to let go each other's hands to let her through. Ruby looks at the baby. An anvil falls out of the sky and lands on Knoll. ["Finally, there is some physical contact between Ruby and Knoll! All the time she has been conflicted and suffering in this episode, Knoll hasn't touched her with a ten-foot pole. The damage is done, dude. Comforting her and giving her a hug wouldn't make her more pregnant." -- Maggie]
At the Health Center, Felicity comes out of the back room and sees Knoll in the lobby. She doesn't say anything, and finally he looks up and sees her. Felicity starts walking over to him, but suddenly Ruby runs out crying and says, "Noel, I'm sorry! I can't do it! I'm sorry!" Knoll looks at Felicity and then runs out after Ruby.
Felicity is in Dr. Pavone's office. Toni says, "So what's with the face? You upset that he's leaving?" Felicity says it's not about Ben, and that a friend of hers named Knoll is in "a situation." Toni asks what kind of situation, and Felicity says Ruby is pregnant. Toni agrees that it is a situation. Felicity says she wanted to talk to Knoll at the Health Center, but that she didn't know what to say. She looked at Knoll and saw her dad when he was in the same predicament. Felicity continues, "Maybe my mom shouldn't have quit school. Maybe they didn't do the right thing." Toni says, "Yeah, maybe. What do you want? 'Maybe.' Or maybe they should have done a million things. But what are you going to do? 'Maybe' yourself to death? Are you gonna be paralyzed by 'maybe's?" I am seriously going to make some calls and see if Toni is available to be my personal counselor, because that is such great advice. Felicity says she still doesn't know what to say to Knoll, and Toni tells Felicity to ask him about his life and "leave [her] own baggage out of it." Felicity says Knoll's a good friend, and Toni says, "Well, then, friend, this isn't about you. This is about him."
Knoll is teaching his class and glances at Ruby's conspicuously empty seat. He loses his train of thought and dismisses the class forty minutes early. You know, I always used to be psyched in school when we got out of class early, but now I'm feeling a bit guilty if it was due to situations like these. Okay, now I'm over it. Felicity walks in and asks to talk to Knoll. Cut to them sitting in the back row of the empty classroom and Knoll says he hasn't seen Ruby since she ran out of the Health Center. Felicity apologizes for not coming to him earlier. Knoll says he is "legitimately terrified," and Felicity asks, "Of what?" Knoll tells her, "That if Ruby's thinking about having this baby, that I am in no way capable of handing that. Not for a second. Ruby can deal. She's stronger than she thinks she is. But I'm the opposite. Sometimes I think I'm stronger than I am." Felicity tells him that Ruby can handle it because she knows Knoll is there. She says Knoll is "capable and intelligent and resourceful" and that she couldn't have made it through "last year or even the first semester this year" without him. She concludes, "You have no idea how amazing you are." Knoll says, "God, I do not feel amazing."
Ben is in Dr. Pavone's office, coughing at all the smoke. Toni asks why he's leaving the Health Center. Ben says that Greg is "a total jerk, for one. And two, that's not what I want to do." Toni asks what he does want to do and Ben says he doesn't know. Toni starts talking about the music playing, Pachelbel, and asks Ben what he thinks. After some hemming and hawing, Ben says it's "elevator music." Toni tells him he's a cliché, and gives him the CD so that he may listen to it a few times. Then she gives him the community-service list and suggests that he base his choice on what he wants to do instead of what Felicity is doing, and that he should "quit following the girl all the time. Who the hell are you?" Ben says if she means what he wants, he wants to swim. Toni deadpans, "Yeah, I got that. You're a fish. It's not an option anymore. They cut the program. So unless you intend to spend the rest of your college career whining, I suggest you refocus your energy." She observes that his grades aren't bad, but they are average, and that Ben is not average. Ben says that maybe he is. Toni says she can't take his self-pity anymore and tells him to leave. She calls him back and tells him that "everybody has to figure out who they are eventually."
Julie is in the loft, on the phone with Cheesy Eric. He is clearly telling her that the deal is off. Sean walks in while the conversation is going on. Eventually, Eric hangs up on Julie. Sean asks her what happened. Julie says Sean was right. Sean deduces that Eric made a move on her. Julie says that it was her fault, and that she owes him so much. Sean tells her that if he did this to get close to her, then he's a fraud. But if it was about her music, then it's about her music, and either way she doesn't owe him anything.
Ben knocks on Felicity's dorm room door. Meghan answers and says, "Oh, it's you. How nineties." Ben asks for Felicity, who arrives from down the hall. Felicity asks if he wants to come in, and Ben and Meghan look at each other and simultaneously say, "No!"
Ben and Felicity are on the rooftop. Ben apologizes for his behavior at the Health Center. He tells her he wasn't there because he wanted to be there. He was there because of Felicity. Why don't they just do it already! Ben kind of ruins it by saying he doesn't mean it like that, but that he sees things in Felicity that he wishes he had, and that she cares about things. He tells her that he's going to find something else to do, about which he actually cares. They stand there for a moment, and then Felicity says that Knoll told her that Ben talked to him. Ben says he's a "screw-up," and Felicity insists that it was "a nice thing to do." Ben says that Knoll didn't think so, and then changes the subject by asking Felicity if she ever listens to Pachelbel. Felicity says she has, "a little," and Ben says, "He's good."
Knoll is sitting on the couch and Ruby has her head on his lap. Knoll tells her about his dad's three-year-cycle theory, where every three years, you go through a dip. Ruby says she feels like she's been dipping forever, and that she did "that whole movie thing" hoping to get "a sign" to "find out what [she's] supposed to be doing." Knoll says he doesn't think that's how it works. Ruby says it might, because she feels like now her purpose is "to have this baby." Knoll looks terrified. ["Ruby, you've faced your biggest dip ever: Knoll. It's gotta get better from here on out." -- Maggie]