Previously on Felicity: Felicity and Ben break into the university's pool to drink some beers and swim, and get busted by security. Mr. Porter tells Felicity that he and her mom are separating.
Fade in on Felicity's face, as she is making (all together now!) a tape to Sally. She begins, "Dear Sally: I'm in trouble." We see Felicity enter an office where a woman is playing some opera music at high volume and attempting to move something or plug something in, but whatever her task, she's struggling. I wish I were cultured and could tell you the composer of the opera music, but I'm not. If I were, would I be watching this show? All I know is, it sounds to me like the "Oompa Loompa Song" from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Anyway, Felicity says, "Excuse me?" and asks after a certain professor. The struggling woman continues struggling, and says the professor is on "indefinite leave." Felicity starts to leave, and then comes back and asks if the professor is okay. Struggling Woman says he's fine, but he had a family emergency. Meanwhile, she lights up a cigarette, as if smoking were not illegal in nearly all buildings these days. Who sponsored the show this week, Phillip Morris? Struggling Woman asks whether Felicity is "one of his students." Felicity says he was her counselor. The woman says she is taking over for him, and introduces herself as "Toni Pavone," then Felicity gives her name. Toni seems to recognize Felicity's name, and walks over to her desk to look in a file. After glancing at it, she says, "You're in trouble. Close the door. Sit down." Toni scans through the file and pulls out some keywords for those viewers who missed the episode two weeks ago: "You broke into the pool...drinking...Ben Covington...why did you break into the pool?" Didn't she just answer her own question? Felicity was drinking with Ben Covington! It makes women do crazy things! Felicity says she doesn't know. Toni cranks up the opera again. This time it's much less Oompa Loompa-esque. Felicity says breaking into the pool was a "stupid and immature thing to do and we're both very sorry." Toni just says, "Well, that's good." Felicity asks whether she is going to be expelled. Toni doesn't answer, because otherwise why would we watch the rest of the episode? Instead, she starts telling a story about some kid in 1986, who got drunk and dove into the pool, and ended up in a coma for fifteen days. Then the university had to pay a lot of money in legal bills, and there was an article about it in the paper. She interrupts herself to say, "Do you know this? Monteverdi." Felicity didn't know it either. Toni goes on to say that the university has a "zero-tolerance policy," so in addition to her punishment, Felicity will have mandatory alcohol counseling. Toni asks her if "Wednesday at 3" is a good time. Just then, Ben knocks at the door and enters grinning. He really doesn't have a thought in his pretty little head, does he? ["Ask me if I care." -- Wing Chun] Toni asks who he is, and when he answers, "Ben Covington," she says, "You're in trouble. Close the door. Sit down."
Felicity tells Sally that she's lucky because if her parents had to break up, it's the best possible time for her right now. We see a shot of Felicity in French class, and after the professor dismisses the class, she just sits there looking kind of stunned. Her words to Sally contradict what we see, as she says that if it happened years ago, when Sally was tutoring her, she would have "lost [her] mind" and "obsessed over it." We see Felicity at Epstein Bar with Knoll, Julie, and Elena, not joining in the conversation and looking upset, as the voice-over says, "It doesn't affect me" and "my everyday life is basically the same." We see Felicity handing coffee to a customer with a blank look on her face. Hey, do you think Felicity is saying that this is not affecting her, but really it is? Because I didn't quite get that from the FIVE HUNDRED examples they just gave. Move on.
At work, Ben says, "Screw Toni Pavone," and adds that he thinks the alcohol counseling is "stupid" and Toni "smells like old cigarettes." Felicity says he has to go to the counseling, but Ben insists that "college is an option." While that is true in the strictest sense of the word, in this day and age college is only an option if Ben wants to work at Dean and Deluca the rest of his life. Come on, people, do you really expect him to survive by his wits? He'd last what, a day? Two, tops? Felicity asks if Ben is leaving and he says that he is thinking about it. Mr. Porter comes into the shop and asks Felicity whether "Italian sounds good for tonight." Felicity says it doesn't matter, and is clearly upset to see her father. Mr. Porter says he'll choose a place. Felicity asks what time her mom gets in, and Mr. Porter says 5:00. Felicity offers him coffee, which he accepts, so she turns around to get it. Ben is watching her, and she looks over at him. She's still upset.
Knoll is teaching class, and he has improved about a hundred-fold since last we saw him in TA mode. He actually looks up once in a while, and seems much more at ease. He is teaching about a philosophy that said "women have the ability to reason," which I think might be important in light of later storyline events. He dismisses the class and then walks up to Ruby, who is gathering her things. She tells him what a great job he did, and how much he has improved. Knoll tells her he saw the "Hi, Noel!" I get really confused for a minute, but finally figure out that apparently they took an anonymous exam, and Ruby wrote "Hi, Noel!" in her exam booklet, so Knoll knew which one was hers, which kind of defeats the purpose. Knoll reminds Ruby that she asked him not to give her special treatment. Ruby gets all offended, and wonders if Knoll thinks she wrote the message to get a better grade. Knoll says that now when he is grading it, it's not just a test, it's his girlfriend's test. Ruby says, "That's easy to fix," and stomps on outta there. While Knoll has a point, he could've approached her a little differently there. But really, is Ruby in the third grade? Why would she write "Hi, Noel"? Am I the only one who imagines that she dotted the I with a little heart? Perhaps, she included a smiley face?
Toni the counselor fires up another coffin nail and stares at Felicity, who is sitting across from her. I have to warn you that all of the scenes between these two consist of lots of meaningful looks, emotional face-making and some dialogue. While they were interesting to watch, and I thought both actresses did a great job, they are really, really boring to recap. I'll do my best, but don't call me Annie Sullivan because I'm no miracle worker. Felicity feels that the alcohol counseling is a "waste of time" because she doesn't drink. Toni says, "It says here you drink." Felicity states that she drank, but she doesn't drink, and that she was just "blowing off steam." And ogling Ben's nearly naked body. Well, she leaves that part out, but you know she was doing that too. Or maybe I'm projecting. Toni asks where the "steam" came from. Felicity says that she just found out her parents were splitting up, but that it's not a big deal since it happens to everyone. Toni frowns and says it doesn't happen to everyone. Felicity says it will be fine, and that she and her parents are going out to dinner that night. Toni asks how that will go. Felicity says (again) fine, and she knows that Toni is trying to get her to say something "revelatory or whatever," but that she doesn't usually get into trouble. Toni exhales a long plume of smoke, stands up, walks over to a box on the floor, pulls out a frame and shoves it in front of Felicity's face. It's a diploma. Toni says, "I'm a real pro. Therapist. Licensed. So when you're ready, come back and we'll talk." I need me a kick-ass therapist. I wonder if Toni has a sliding rate?
At dinner, Felicity walks into the restaurant and sees her parents sitting there not looking at one another and not talking. Everything is in slow motion. In a voice-over, Felicity tells us, "I never caught my parents having sex, but this must be what it feels like." She goes on to talk about how this is a glimpse into her parents' intimate life. After she sits at the table, Felicity asks her mom about the flight. Everyone makes really, really, really awkward small talk. Mr. Porter mentions a dinner where he will be honored and Felicity asks her mom whether she is going. There is some more awkward conversation, and suddenly Felicity starts crying. Her mom is all, "What's wrong?" and her dad says that he told Felicity about the separation. Felicity insists, "It's okay, mom! It's okay!" but her mom and dad start bickering over whether her dad should have told her or not. Their voices fade out and the opera music from Toni's office starts playing (presumably in Felicity's head, although now that I think about it, the restaurant might have piped it in).
Felicity knocks at Toni's door and asks if they can talk. Toni says once again, "Close the door, sit down." There is no way I can convey in writing how powerful this scene was. I'm just not that good of a writer, and it was largely visual anyway. But if you have the chance to catch this episode in repeats, watch it if only for this scene. For the first time in my recapping career, I put down my pen and just watched the show. It was that good. Okay, now that I've totally built it up, let me mangle it by trying to describe it.
Aimee Mann's "Wise Up" plays in the background. Felicity starts crying and haltingly says that she doesn't know who she is, how she got there, what she's doing or why she's even there. She's been in relationships that she doesn't understand, she hates her haircut, and she "dropped pre-med like it was some kind of victory" but she can't remember why it felt like that. She apologizes. Toni tells her not to be sorry. Felicity says she didn't realize how much she depended on her parents just being there, and that even though they were three thousand miles away, she depended on them. Then she dismisses her feelings by saying she's an only child and that's probably all this is. Toni asks if she has told her parents this. Felicity says she hasn't, and that she just let them talk, and they said they were having difficulties, and this was for the best. Toni looks at her sympathetically. Felicity feels responsible. Toni asks how she is responsible. Felicity tells Toni that she disrupted things by coming to New York and pushing her parents away, and that if she hadn't left Palo Alto and been so selfish....Toni interrupts her to ask her, while lighting another cigarette, why coming to New York was selfish. Felicity asks what she means, and Toni rephrases her question as, "Why did you come here?" Felicity kind of laughs at herself and says she basically came there because of Ben Covington. Toni says, "You came for Ben?" Felicity says she did at first, but then she thought it was for herself, to find herself or something, but now she doesn't understand. Toni wants to know what she doesn't understand. Felicity says that at Thanksgiving her parents were happy, and she was home over Christmas and things seemed fine, and she doesn't understand why they are breaking up. Toni says pointedly, "I thought you said it was because of you." Felicity just stares at her.
Ben is playing basketball at an outdoor court, and wearing a silly stocking cap (or "toque," for our Canadian viewers). Felicity talks to him through the fence, and tells him that if he doesn't go see Dr. Pavone, he'll get expelled. Ben questions, "Doctor?" Felicity says she's a psychologist, and that she went to Yale. Ben says mockingly, "Yale, big deal." Felicity asks if he's still thinking about dropping out. Ben says he was checking out ads in the back of The Village Voice, and was looking at courier tickets to Prague. Felicity says, "If you go, I should probably go with you." Ben stops playing ball and stares at her. She says, "I'm kidding!" Ben stammers that if she wanted to go, he would do it. Felicity smiles. Ben says he's serious. Felicity says, "Go see Dr. Pavone!" Ben grins endearingly and says, "Let's drop out together!" Felicity repeats, "Go see Dr. Pavone!" and turns to leave. Ben yells after her to think about it, and that it would be fun. Felicity laughs and walks away. ["I would have dropped out of university if Ben had asked me to." -- Wing Chun]
Ruby gets something from the vending machine. Knoll walks up and says, "I am such an ass. Can you confirm that for me, that I'm an ass, please?" I know that maggie has got to be wishing she was doing the recap this week, because she could have so much fun with that line. So much fun. Knoll says that he read Ruby's essay, and that it was one of the best in the class. Ruby says flatly that it doesn't matter. Knoll says he was acting like he didn't think she could write what she wrote, but that her exam was excellent. Ruby says that she has to get ready for "Costumes of Czarist Russia" and pushes past Knoll to walk away. Boy, if she chose "Costumes of Czarist Russia" over Knoll, he really is in trouble.
Elena says it's a problem, and then observes that no one is listening to her. Remember the last recap where I said Elena always starts her scene in the middle of a conversation? They're doing it again. Julie says she is writing lyrics and asks what rhymes with "column." How about "Give it up, you talentless hack?" Oh, I guess that doesn't rhyme. My bad. Felicity asks whether they have heard of courier tickets. Julie notes that Ben was talking about them. Elena continues talking about her lab partner, but not before offering Julie "slalom" to rhyme with column. Her lab partner is named Tracy, and at first she thought it would be a girl, but he's way too cute to be a girl. Julie asks if he's available. Elena says she doesn't want to know if he's available because then she'll get no work done and fail chemistry. What? Could it be? A storyline for Elena? Perish the thought. There's a knock at the door, and it's Mr. Porter, who wants to talk to Felicity alone. Elena and Julie get the hint and grab their things to leave. In a nice touch, Elena asks Felicity if she wants anything from "The Corner," and even asks Mr. Porter if he needs anything as she passes him. Elena has such good manners.
Mr. Porter comes in and sits on the bed, and asks how Felicity is doing, and then tells her that he was asked to do a guest lecture at the university. While talking to the dean, he found out about Felicity's "swimming pool incident" and that now she's in "alcohol abuse counseling." Would the dean of "University of New York" really know about each and every disciplinary incident at the university? You'd think there would be a lot of them, and the dean would have better things to do. Felicity says the counseling is policy. Her dad can't believe she was swimming drunk on university property. Felicity says that it was the night after he told her about the separation. Mr. Porter says, "That stupid prank is gonna come at a real cost." Ah, there's the supportive Mr. Porter we know and love! Felicity says that's why she's in counseling. Her dad asks what her punishment will be twice, and twice Felicity says she doesn't know, getting progressively more annoyed. Her dad reveals that her mom isn't going to his dinner. Felicity says that she still plans to go, "of course." Mr. Porter says that Felicity should spend time with her mother while she is in town, and that it would be good for both of them. Then he says he's "not good as [Mrs. Porter] is at..." but doesn't finish his sentence and gets up to leave instead. Felicity says, "Dad!" and her father turns and says, "Go with her on Thursday, please." Felicity hesitates and then says, "Okay," and her dad leaves.
Felicity and her mom are getting some sort of spa treatment that involves steam and towels and low light. Her mom wants her to go to her dad's dinner. Felicity says that her mom is only in town for a few days. Mrs. Porter says her dad wants her there. Felicity says that all three of them should go. Her mom says, "I'm angry with him and he's angry with me," like that's an appropriate thing to say to your child. Felicity says it's just a "stupid 'in honor of' dinner." Her mom says that her dad "loves those things," and that if Felicity doesn't go, she'll "never hear the end of it." I really, really hate it when parents subject their children to their sniping at one another. Even when the children are adults. Felicity pauses and then says, "I'm sorry, Mom." Her mom turns and looks at her and says, "For what?" Felicity says, "For everything."
Back in the counseling office, Toni says, "You apologized to them? Oh, boy. What did they say?" Felicity says they told her not to be silly. Toni says, "Point to parents," and then asks Felicity if she is "pissed off." Felicity says she's "a little tense." Toni asks if she's angry. Felicity says that some people don't get angry. Toni agrees that people who are "repressed and out of touch" don't get angry. Felicity looks offended and says, "What are you saying?" Toni says it would be nice to see who she really is under there (and waves her hand in front of her face to indicate under where), and then refers to "the whole polite thing that [Felicity does]." Felicity says in an insulted tone, "Sorry, it's who I am." Toni says, "One, you're not sorry. Second, you told me you don't know who you are or why you came here." Felicity says that isn't true, and that she said why she came there. Toni thinks Felicity is too smart to follow a guy there, and she's too screwed-up to not be angry, and asks again whether Felicity is angry. Felicity angrily says, "No!" (See what I did there?) Toni launches into a diatribe about how Felicity is her mother's and father's "little centerpiece," and that she goes home for Christmas and they make her think everything is "nice or normal," then her father gets on a plane and comes to work at the hospital affiliated with the college she's attending. Felicity objects that her father asked for her opinion. Toni says he asked for it after the fact, then he "spills the beans" about her parents' breakup to his daughter, and doesn't bother to tell his wife he told her which is a huge burden for Felicity to bear. Now her mother finds out and is furious, her father is fuming, and Felicity is caught in the middle. Toni, having worked up a full head of steam at this point says, "This is a sporting event. This is Martyr Ball. They've got the sticks and you're the puck and you're telling me you're not angry?" Whoa, I hate Felicity's parents at this point. I'm sure angry. Felicity just looks incredulous. Toni asks her how it feels to be "the good little girl." Felicity says she doesn't know if she likes this. Toni asks again how it feels, because "it is annoying as hell to watch. You're a kewpie doll, denying what you're really going through." Felicity loses it, and a vein throbs scarily in her forehead as she yells, "Fine, I'm angry!" and continues that she doesn't understand why her mom is leaving, and her dad's moving here and she doesn't want him to. Meanwhile, Toni acts like the choir to Felicity's preacher, murmuring "Mmm-hmm!" and "You go, girl!" (Well, practically.) Felicity yells that she's mad at the position her parents have put her in, and then says she's a little mad, and a little pissed off. Toni says, "Good."
Felicity mops the floor at Dean and Deluca, and ends up near Ben, who is sitting at a table. Ben says he's done some research about their trip. Suddenly they are sitting on a bench outside talking about Vienna. Ben says they could get a Eurail Pass. Felicity says that sounds incredible, but Ben says they could do it, so by definition it is credible. Look at the brains on Ben! Felicity says she could never really do it, because "it's us." Ben asks whether they can't go somewhere together because they dated. Felicity says it would be awkward. Ben asks what would be more awkward -- staying there or going away. Then he asks if Felicity is happy, because he doesn't think so. Felicity wonders why he doesn't think so. Ben says he's been watching her at work, and then points out that today is Thursday, and they could be in Europe by Saturday. He paints a picture for her of "backpacks, wine, cheese and no more stinking, reeking Dr. Pavone." Felicity tells him that her parents are splitting up, and that her dad is moving to New York and her mom is leaving him. Ben says he didn't know. Felicity says it's fun thinking about their trip, and it's the only fun she is having right now, but she doesn't think she is where he is, "at least not yet."
Knoll paces in his apartment. Elena and an attractive gentleman sit on the couch watching him. Knoll says he wishes he was the kind of guy who doesn't care if his girlfriend gives him a "crooked look," and he could shrug it off and be on his way. Instead, he is "a disaster" because "Ruby is acting all distant and disinterested." He doesn't know if she's reacting the way she should, or if he's overreacting (and I would argue both). He has the "distinct impression that [they] are in a nosedive" and it's all his fault. He stops and introduces himself to the guy on the couch, who turns out to be Tracy, Elena's lab partner. He's also the guy who played Stacey Dash's boyfriend in Clueless, minus the braces. Knoll says he's heard a lot about him and apologizes for taking up their study time, but makes no move to leave them alone. Instead, he says he wants their advice, especially Tracey's advice because Elena's advice would probably be "you're such a geek!" Elena shoots him a dirty look for making her look mean. Tracey asks whether he apologized. Knoll says he did. Tracey asks whether Ruby accepted it. Knoll says she didn't, and that she acted like she ran into an ex-boyfriend. Tracey says he would say, "Baby, I really am sorry, but I want you in my life. Now, if you're hurting, I want to make it better. Whatever it takes." Elena gives him the googly-eyes because he is perfect. Then Tracey says that's what he would say to his girlfriend, "if [he] had a girlfriend." Elena says, "Oh, God" a little too loudly. Knoll thanks Tracey and says he's invited back anytime, "no matter what happens between you two." Elena looks like she wants to kill Knoll, and Tracey just looks confused.
Felicity and her mom are at a restaurant. Her mom tells her she can ask anything, but she should realize that some questions don't have clear answers. There's no other man, and no horrible secret, but she's trying to figure out who she is. Felicity wonders, "You can't do that with Dad?" Her mom says she just can't. Felicity says "You said you were having difficulties," and then says that's what happens in a long-term relationship, and they should be able to deal with it. Her mom says she doesn't know what else to do. Felicity retorts, "Besides break up the family?" Her mom looks at her for a moment and then says, "I'm sorry you feel that way." This family sure does a lot of apologizing, don't they? Her mom continues, "You don't know how it is." Felicity yells at her mother to explain it to her and help her understand. Her mom sighs and says she's been in her father's shadow since the day they met. Felicity asks why they got married, then. Her mom says it was a difficult time. While I'm still thinking what a strange reason that is to get married, Felicity figures it out: "Were you pregnant?" Her mom chooses her words carefully, and says, "There were so many reasons why we got married." Felicity puts her hand over her face and cries some more.
Ben is still shooting baskets. I don't know which alternate universe New York City they live in, but in the one in our world it would probably be too cold for that. Felicity enters the court. Ben sees her and walks over. Felicity says, "So, let's drop out." Ben smiles at her and then turns and shoots another basket.
Knoll is giving Ruby the speech Tracey made earlier, starting from, "Baby." Ruby laughs at him and asks what he is doing. Knoll finishes the whole speech and Ruby tells him it was "Sweet. Oddly put, but sweet." Knoll asks her what is going on. Ruby doesn't answer, instead remarking that someone still has their Christmas lights up. Knoll says he knows it's hard with him teaching her class, but that they will get through it. Then, in a line I bet he will wish he could take back in a few minutes, he says that people have been through harder things. Ruby turns and says, "I'm late." Knoll asks, "How late?" Ruby says it's been five days, and normally she is never late, but that it's probably nothing. She adds that she thought she got her period three times that day. Knoll doesn't quite know what to say, so he echoes, "It could be nothing." Ruby says, "Unless I'm pregnant. You're not going to call me 'Baby' again, are you?" Knoll says no and then gathers his thoughts and continues, "I was going to tell you that no matter what, we're gonna be okay." Ruby just smiles and says, "I know." Ruby seems oddly calm for someone in her situation. Is she on medication?
Felicity is back in Toni's office. Toni asks, "Why Vienna?" Felicity repeats what she read out of a travel book earlier. Toni asks why Felicity "came here." Felicity says that question is getting annoying and starts in about how she doesn't know. Toni interrupts, laughing, and clarifies that she meant here as in her office, today. Felicity wanted to thank her. Toni says she could have called. Felicity says she wanted to see her and thank her. Toni asks whether Felicity wants Toni to talk her out of going to Vienna. Felicity says emphatically, "No, I don't." Toni says, "Good, because I'm not going to. How did it go with your parents?" Felicity says, "Bad." Toni asks how bad and Felicity says she doesn't want to talk about it. Toni says she can't clam up now, and asks again how bad. Felicity says it was "horrible" and that she hasn't "felt that way in a long time." Toni asks when the last time was that she felt that bad. Felicity think for a minute and then says it was when she was a kid. Toni prompts her to tell what happened. Felicity tells a story about how she went to sleepaway ballet camp the summer she was ten, and she hated it so much she came home a day early. When she got home, she realized that her mom had been sleeping in the guest bedroom, and her mom saw that she knew. Everyone was really embarrassed about it. That night at dinner, Felicity told her parents that she loved the ballet camp, just to change the subject, to "make it all better," and that after that, things went back to normal. Toni looks concerned. Felicity laughs and says she went to ballet camp the four summers. Toni observes, "It's a hard job, isn't it? Keeping the family happy?" Felicity looks a bit stunned, and then thinks for a minute, before saying haltingly, "I think that's why I came here." Toni says she doesn't blame her, and who wouldn't want a break? Then she asks again, "Why Vienna?" Felicity says she feels so lost in New York. Toni says that the thing about feeling lost is that you can be lost anywhere.
Felicity is in her room folding clothes. Her mom and dad knock and walk in. Her dad says he called and Meghan said Felicity was packing for Vienna. He adds that if her trip is about his coming there, or "what's going on between us," they need to sit down and talk about it. Felicity says she's not going to Vienna. She thought about it, but she's going to stay. Her mom looks relieved and says she "kinda panicked when [she] heard." Felicity says she can imagine, and then says she thought her mom was leaving. Her mom says her flight is at 6:00. Her dad says, "We both wish this didn't have to be so hard, but you know we both love you." Felicity nods and says, "Yeah, I know. I love you too." Her mom walks over and gives her a hug, and her dad just stands there.
Felicity goes to see Ben, who is, you guessed it, playing basketball. She tells him she's not going. He says he figured. Felicity is all, "You figured?" Ben says he had a feeling. Felicity asks him if he bought the tickets, and Ben says, "Nah, your heart wasn't in it." Felicity says it's not the best thing for her right now and asks Ben if he's still going. Ben turns his back to her to make a shot, and says he's not going, "not without you." Across North America, hearts melt at that line. Felicity looks stunned. Ben says, "I guess I gotta go see stinky Dr. Pavone, huh?" Then he says he was thinking that maybe they could make the trip this summer. Felicity smiles. Ben bounces the basketball to her and she makes the most ungraceful, pathetic shot, but it goes in. I wonder how many times they had to shoot that one? They continue to play basketball while joking around, and the last thing we hear is Felicity laughing heartily.