Previously on Felicity, Ben finds out that Bitchy-TV-Maggie is married, and David tells Felicity that he's not sure if he's ready to trust again.
We begin with a profile shot of Felicity sitting on the end of her bed, dictating a tape to Sally in the half-light. ["Isn't Felicity always sitting in the half-light while she makes tapes? It's kind of like walking down the street in slow motion, in terms of recurring moments on this show." -- Kim] She's telling Sally that she's met someone who's had a real effect on her life. He's mysterious and she doesn't know his name or where he is from. During this description we get shots of a cute little dog. Felicity names this stray dog that she has found: Lucky. Let's examine this: her boyfriend has the same haircut that she has, only it is a different colour, and her dog has the same hair colour and almost curly "style." How very interesting. I wonder if she's looked up narcissism in her old Psych 101 textbook lately. Anyway, she also tells Sally that things have been going very well with David. In fact, she found the dog one morning, on her way back from David's place.
Felicity knocks on Elena and Knoll's door, with the dog in her arms. Elena opens the door and says, "What the hell is that?" Felicity whines about finding the dog in the street when she was walking back from David's place and says, "Isn't he so cute?" Elena says, "Cute for what?" Felicity asks to come in and Elena wonders "what kind of diseases [she's] going to track in here." Felicity assures her that the dog doesn't have any diseases. Elena shoots back, "Not him, you." Felicity tells her that she didn't have mono, she had the flu. Elena reluctantly admits them to the apartment. Felicity puts the dog down and Elena asks her, "What do you mean, 'walking back from David's?' Are you spending the night there?" Felicity tells her that last night was the first night. Lucky sniffs around the furniture and none too subtly, Felicity says he feels at home. Elena derails her plan and says that she won't be adopting a "retarded dog." What's retarded about the dog? Is she saying that because he has the same hairdo as Felicity? I think it would have been more accurate if she had called him a goofy-looking dog. I don't like gratuitous use of the word "retarded." They sit down on the sofa and Elena asks, "So, didya score?" Quite indignantly, Felicity answers, "No, I didn't score." She explains to Elena that they're taking things slowly and that David wants to stay in tonight for dinner and a movie. Elena informs Felicity that this is "universal code" for wanting to get it on. Knoll arrives home and immediately is taken with the dog because he looks just like Woofie, his Boston neighbour's dog. Knoll proceeds to play with Lucky and he explains that when he was growing up he couldn't have a dog because of a severe allergy which would always result in a rash and his respiratory system's shutting down. Knoll is psyched that he seems to have outgrown his allergy, because that means that he "finally get[s] to play with Woofie." The dog runs into Knoll's room and Knoll follows. Felicity asks Elena if Lucky can stay at the apartment until she can find a permanent place for him to live. Elena wonders why Felicity's good deed has to turn into Elena's good deed. Elena says that it's up to Knoll. He reappears sniffling and with a rash on the side of his neck and face, and declares that he must still be allergic. Roll opening credits.
At a veterinary clinic, Felicity and Elena wait for Lucky to be checked out. Elena says, "So, are you excited?" Felicity responds, "No, I don't know what to do with him," to which Elena replies, "You can always get another sex book." Ha, ha, they're talking at cross-purposes! That almost never happens on television today. Not. Whatever. Felicity says that she was talking about the dog. Elena informs her that she was too. Then Elena fakely laughs, "No, I'm just kidding." Elena leers at Felicity and talks about scoring. Felicity wonders why Elena is so concerned about her sex life. Elena says, "Because I don't have one, and because this is your first time." Felicity reminds her that it is not her first time. Elena reminds her that it is her first time with a guy she "actually know[s]."
Cut back to Felicity sitting on the end of her bed, dictating a tape. She is telling Sally about the dinner/movie/scoring plans that she had with David, and that the one obstacle was finding a place for Lucky to stay.
Over at Dean & DeLuca, Javier says that he'll take Lucky. But, there's a catch. Actually, there's a cat. Javier's cat. Named Mami. Cut to a shot of a beautiful, white Persian-ish cat in a cage, with Lucky looking at it. Felicity says, "So is she..." Javier shushes her and says, "Mami's mulling it over. She needs time to adjust." David walks in and starts talking to Felicity. Javier shushes them both because "Mami's concentrating." Javier says, "Oh no, look at Mami, she's upset with me. She's insulted that I would even consider this." Felicity states that Mami doesn't look insulted. Javier replies, "She's pissed now, look!" He would know his cat best, but Mami looks pretty placid to me. Felicity dejectedly asks if that means that he doesn't want Lucky. Javier whispers that he does, but Mami doesn't. Mami meows and turns around in her cage. Javier says to Mami, "Look at me when you talk to me!" Felicity gathers up Lucky and whispers, "What am I going to do with you, Lucky?"
Felicity apparently decided what to do with him, because she turns up at the loft in the scene. Sean answers the door wearing an apron with some kind of oval logo on it. Could it be one for smoothaise? ["It looked like that to me." -- Wing Chun] Felicity gives Sean her sales pitch about needing to find a place for him. but only for a couple of days. Sean readily agrees because he hasn't had a dog since he was ten, which was a "cockapoo" named Hokey. Felicity puts Lucky down and he immediately races over to a laundry basket and fishes out a silky, bright pink item of clothing. Lucky races around with the pink thing in his mouth and runs over a food processor cord, which ends up toppling onto the floor, along with an assortment of bowls and ingredients. Sean declares that this isn't going to work out.
At Dean & DeLuca, Javier is moping and he says to Ben, "I feel so guilty, she's so mad with me." Ben says, "She'll be fine; Felicity doesn't hold grudges," and he oughtta know. Javier says, "No, not her. Mami." Ben says, "Mami?" Javier exasperatedly declares, "Yes, she hates me now. I'm very psychical with animals, Ben. I know what they're feeling sometimes, you know. I can't go to the zoo, you know -- it's horrible. Like a Doctor Eliza Doolittle. No, that's My Fair Lady; I love that." He starts singing and bopping his head, " Just you wait, 'Enry 'Iggins, just you wait." Ben interrupts him because Bitchy-TV-Maggie has appeared at the counter behind Javier. Javier turns, sees who it is, then gives Ben a really bitchy sidelong glance and tsks, "Benjameen." Here is the part in the recap where I declare how much I love Javier. I would pay good money to hear him sing the entire score from My Fair Lady. Ben acts a little cold toward Bitchy-TV-Maggie, who has come to tell him that she is still interested. She says that if he isn't interested, he should tell her to go away. Ben stares at her and before he can answer, Javier summons him with another "Benjameen." Bitchy-TV-Maggie looks a little irritated by the fact that there is another person in the world who is the boss of Ben.
At the loft, Sean is sitting at the table with a bunch of paperwork when Julie comes strutting into the room, wearing jeans and a black bra. Sean is riveted by the sight while the rest of the sane world wants a hit of LSD to wash their brains of such a hideosity. Julie and her bra want to know where her pink shirt is. Sean picks up the tattered remains of the shiny, pink top from the floor. Hey, it looks like the one she was wearing in the premiere; the one that Wing Chun thought looked like it was part of a figure skating outfit. Sean explains that Lucky was "attracted to [her]...shirt" while not taking his eyes off Julie's breasts, which are at his eye level. He asks her if she's "got a special occasion tonight." She tells him that she has a date with a "guy named Seven." Who is his father, George Costanza? Does he have a sister named Soda? Sean wants to know if he is a Borg. Julie squeals that "he's cute." Sean tells her to "have fun" and she says, "I'm gonna have sex, Jack." Sean says, "What?!?" Julie laughs and tells him that she and her friend always used to say that when one or the other would say "have fun," because it is from a movie. Neither of them can remember which movie it is from and they both keep repeating, "I'm gonna have sex, Jack." Sean, just because you're saying it doesn't make it true. Julie leaves the room and Sean looks after her wistfully. Ironically, Felicity's voice-over for the scene has already started. While we see Sean sitting alone, we hear Felicity say, "So things were looking desperate."
Of course, Felicity is talking about the Lucky situation, but it applies to Sean's situation equally well. Felicity is back to telling Sally about her "scoring" with David, and that David told her that he would look after Lucky.
At David's place, Felicity tells him that "it is so amazing" that he's taking in Lucky. David utters the words, "Finally, I'm getting Lucky." Felicity asks him if that's the only reason he's doing it. He replies, "So I could make that bad joke? Yes." They laugh and embrace. It's like watching Felicity kiss her twin brother. The thing you know, they're on some kind of chaise longue or day bed, making out to a cheesy song. The place David lives in appears to be a loft with windows on a couple of sides. Of course, there aren't any window coverings, so they could be seen by anyone in the well-lit building that is clearly visible from David's place. However, someone a bit closer to home is watching them. Lucky whimpers and watches them get down. Felicity is more disturbed by the fact that a dog can see them and not by the fact that any number of perverts could be watching through the window. ["'Could be'? My parents live in a high-rise, across from another high-rise, and not only can they spy on their neighbours across the street, but they can see their neighbours spying on them. Also, when Glark and I were in Vancouver a couple of months ago, we went to a party in a high-rise where the resident of the apartment had a telescope which everyone at the party used to spy on the neighbours across the street; Glark and Sugar Larry saw a guy across the street masturbating. Anyway, my point is, 'could be,' nothing; strangers would definitely be watching them get it on." -- Wing Chun] David gets up and puts Lucky in what appears to be the bathroom. Felicity can still hear him whimper. And by "him," I mean Lucky. Felicity decides that Lucky needs to go out for a walk. She gets up and puts her pants on, then asks David if he wants to go out with her. I can still hear whimpering, but this time it is David.
Cut back to Felicity making a tape for Sally. Felicity says, "We didn't have sex that night because of the dog, which was actually okay with me." Her voice-over tells Sally that they all slept really soundly that night; however, it doesn't look like David's that comfortable having Lucky join them in bed.
At Elena and Knoll's apartment, Felicity pours dog food into a cereal bowl and Elena deadpans, "You didn't have sex because of a dog?" Felicity whines, not unlike the way Lucky whined the night, about being uncomfortable with the dog watching them. Elena says, "Look, there are a zillion dog owners in this country and they all manage to score." Felicity wants to change the subject and Elena says, "You don't want to have sex with him, do you?" Elena thinks that Felicity is using the dog as an excuse not to have sex, "given [her] issues with sex." Felicity denies that she has issues. They discuss the reasons why she didn't have sex with Knoll and Ben, which boil down to her not being ready. I love you Elena, but I think that is a perfectly valid reason to not have sex with someone. ["Especially if that 'someone' is Knoll." -- Wing Chun]
Sean has fallen asleep on the sofa in the loft. Julie comes clattering out from her room and wakes him up. Sean says, "Turkey." No Sean, she's a rat. Julie laughs and when he is fully awake she tells him that the "I'm gonna have sex, Jack," line is from 48 Hours. Sean stares meaningfully at Julie's cleavage which is visible through her bathrobe. He asks if her date is there. No, Seven is not there. Sean asks if the date was good. She says that it was okay. It looks like Sean is about to bust a move on Julie when Ben arrives home from an early-morning jog. He asks Sean if they can speak privately. Julie goes back to bed. Ben tells him about Bitchy-TV-Maggie being married. For once, Sean is not in a hurry to give Ben advice about his love life. Ben notices that Sean isn't paying attention. Sean admits to being distracted and promises that he'll talk to Ben later.
The doors of the dorm elevator open and Felicity's voice-over says, "How I became an R.A. who breaks the rules she's supposed to be enforcing, I don't know." Meanwhile, she's carrying in Lucky, who is wrapped in a blanket, but is not at all disguised. She enters her room and puts Lucky down. She notices that Meghan is in the room and launches into a pitch to ask Meghan to look after Lucky for her while she go gets some food for him and to dogsit him that night. Meghan, who has done her hair into Mickey Mouse ear-like buns on the top of her head, agrees without any hassle. It turns out that she has a favour to ask Felicity. She wants to use Felicity's computer ["A product-placed iBook, I might add" -- Kim] and she has already taken the liberty of firing it up to do her "homework," which she says while making quotation marks gestures. All I can see is a yin and yang symbol on the screen. Felicity explains the plan to Lucky and leaves. On her way out, she tells Meghan the dog's name. Meghan replies, "I don't care."
Bitchy-TV-Maggie is waiting for Ben on the street in front of the loft. She's there to tell him that she wants to have an affair with him. Get in line, sister! I kid. ["I don't. Rrrrowr." -- Wing Chun] She explains that the risk is hers and that she won't bore him with the details of her marriage. Do me a favour, hon -- don't bore me with this scene. She hands Ben a swipe card for a hotel room but he thinks it is a credit card. Ben, I love you, but who do you think you are, Julia Roberts? She informs him that it is the key to "room 1125, the Dakota Hotel." Ben stares at her silently. Bitchy-TV-Maggie continues, "And if I don't see you tonight, I will never ask you out again. But, ah, I do hope to see you." Bitchy-TV-Maggie leaves and Ben wishes that he could have spent the afternoon giving attitude to bitchy clothing store salespeople, instead of questioning his morals. ["Don't we all?" -- Wing Chun]
Felicity returns to her dorm room with a bag of dog food that is bigger than Lucky, and a stuffed animal. Lucky isn't there and she asks Meghan where he is. Meghan thinks he went for a walk because "he had to go to pee." Felicity yells at Meghan for letting Lucky wander around, and Meghan says that she wasn't going to let him pee in the room. Felicity sets off to look for him and finds him in a room with a bunch of guys who are giving him beer. Felicity yells at them and gives them the stank-eye as she leaves with Lucky.
The closed captioning indicates that "sexy Latin music" is playing and we get a shot of a lamp. ["It's from Boogie Nights, but I don't know the name of the song because it's not actually on either of the movie's two soundtracks. Yes, I have them both, because I am a dork." -- Wing Chun] Then we see Ben twiddling the key card in his fingers.
Then we see Ben using his key one minute, then grappling with Bitchy-TV-Maggie the minute. The "sexy Latin music" continues as Ben pulls her top over her head, revealing her black bra, and a butterfly tattoo at the base of her spine. Bitchy-TV-Maggie divulges that it is not her only tattoo. Yeah, don't forget that 666 that's underneath your hair. They topple out of view on to the bed.
Felicity is back at David's, which still doesn't have any drawn window coverings, grappling with him while they both kneel on the bed. Her voice-over states that she couldn't find a place for Lucky, which she had interpreted as an omen that she shouldn't have sex. The fact that you have doubts about sleeping with David isn't reason enough for you, Felicity? She says that Elena insisted on keeping the dog so that Felicity could do the nasty with David.
Back at Elena and Knoll's apartment, Lucky is chewing a hole in the sofa. Knoll arrives and pitches a hissy, and states that his "trachea is in the process of closing." It's hard to believe that Knollstrills has a breathing problem what with the Hoover-like capabilities of his nose. Elena lies and tells him that Felicity is at the library. Then, Lucky pees on Knoll's little 3-D house model. Good eye, pup. Elena asks him, "Did you want that house to have a pool?" Good one, Elena.
Cut to further semi-nekkid David and Felicity grappling. A beeping noise is heard and David says, "This condom has an alarm on it." I guess it sounds a warning when your partner doesn't actually want to have sex with you. Felicity tells him that it's her beeper. He wants her to ignore it but she says that it is only for emergencies. She sees that it's Elena, so she calls her. She ends up speaking to Knoll who tells her that Lucky bit him. Again, good eye, pup. Knoll figures out that she isn't at the library but is at David's place. She tells him that she'll come over even though he tells her that she doesn't have to. David is obviously annoyed. Felicity apologizes.
It seems to be the day, and Knoll arrives at the apartment to find Felicity and Elena talking. He asks if "Cujo" is there, then says, "It's so nice to come home to your own house and not be attacked by a dog." Okay, that's not over-dramatizing things much, Knoll. Elena announces that Lucky is over at David's place. Then she tells Felicity to "ask Knoll." Felicity declares that she's "not talking to Knoll about this." Elena says that he "has first-hand experience with it." Knoll wants to know what they mean. Elena says, "Felicity's sex issues." He knowingly says, "Oooh." Felicity says, "Don't say 'oooh' like you understand." Elena leaves them alone. Felicity tells Knoll that she's not talking to him about it. Then she does just that. She admits that she hasn't slept with David and Knoll admits that he has slept with Ruby. Felicity says, "So, my advisee is healthier than I am." I'd just say that Ruby isn't as picky as Felicity is and leave it at that. It really bugs me that Felicity's choosiness is regarded -- by people who shouldn't even care -- as a mental health issue. Felicity says some rubbish about sex meaning too much to her which is why she never ends up doing it. Knoll tells her that he's glad that he didn't sleep with her. He said that since he has slept with Ruby, the mystery is gone. This scene is beginning to annoy me so much. Felicity and Knoll's stupid conversation comes to an end when David phones to tell Felicity that Lucky is sick. Gee, maybe he contracted something when he bit Knoll. She leaves to go pick up Lucky.
In room 1125, Bitchy-TV-Maggie is speaking to a customer and taking notes, while Ben, who is still in bed with her, tries to distract her by kissing her. He pokes around in her organizer and sees photos of her with her husband. I guess he imagines it is her husband, but maybe it is another boyfriend. In any case, Bitchy-TV-Maggie snatches the organizer away from and hangs up the phone. Ben rolls over in bed.
In the veterinary clinic, Felicity and Elena are STILL talking about Felicity not sleeping with David. Elena acknowledges that she has been pushing Felicity pretty hard and when Felicity agrees with her, she seems miffed. Felicity ends up admitting that she is the one with the problem. Whatever. Just then, the vet comes out to tell Felicity that Lucky has distemper (now I'm sure that he got it from Knoll) and that it is incurable. She can either "let the disease run its course, which is very painful, or put him down." The vet says that she is sorry.
Over at David's place, Felicity is at the door with the dog in her arms. He has a surprise for her. He bought a big cage for Lucky so that he and they will all be comfortable. Felicity stammers and David asks what is wrong. Instead of telling him about Lucky's condition, she stammers so more and tells him that she isn't in a great mood. After more stammering from Felicity, David gets angry that she seems to care more about the dog than him and mentions that he spent $90 on the cage. Felicity wonders if that means that she owes him. He says that he is "making every effort to make this work." Without telling him the whole truth about Lucky, Felicity leaves. ["If I were Felicity, the $90 remark would have decided me on the David issue. What a dink!" -- Wing Chun]
It seems that Felicity and Lucky have spent the night on the sofa at Knoll and Elena's place. Lucky has had a bad night and Felicity has decided to have him put down. Knoll offers to go with her, as well he should since he has given the dog a fatal illness. Felicity accepts his offer.
At the clinic, Lucky is on a gurney and Felicity is saying goodbye to him; Knoll is not offering much support by reminding her of Lucky's bad points. David arrives. He has spoken to Elena and found out the whole story. Knoll leaves and says that he'll call later. David says that he wishes that Felicity had told him everything the night before. The vet returns and Felicity says her final goodbyes.
At Dean & DeLuca, Javier is scooping the centre out of a danish with his index finger, and says, "That poor dog. I'm going to cry." Ben begs him not to cry. Javier says, "I'm sorry you know; I'm very emotional. I'm not like you. I'm not this brute. I have emotions." Ben snidely says, "Right, you're an animal psychic." Javier cries, "It's, you know, Mami didn't like him, but he was a sweetie-pie, you know?" A man arrives at the counter and Ben turns to see that it is the man from Bitchy-TV-Maggie's photos. Ben tries to duck out but Javier is too overcome, "too crimson" to deal with customers, so Ben is stuck. Bitchy-TV-Maggie's husband is there to order a cake that Bitchy-TV-Maggie really likes. It is for their anniversary and he requests that they put a butterfly on it with frosting. Ben says "Okay," but he doesn't even ask for any of the details or his name. Way to play it cool, Ben.
At David's place, he and Felicity are sitting and talking about Lucky. Felicity tells him that she "was using the dog as an excuse." She details her sexual history and says that she's "never done it with someone [she] cared about it. So it would be like [her] first time." David tells her that before he met her, he didn't want to get involved with anyone. They both agree that they have a good thing going on that neither of them wants to screw up. David tells her that he can wait if she is not ready. Felicity thanks him and they start making out. After some heavy breathing, Felicity decides that she doesn't want to wait. The sex/death paradox is writ large across this scene. Lucky the dog has become the Lucky God, and all of Felicity's issues disappear. What. Ev. Er. I still wish that David had viable window coverings. Felicity's voice-over says, "Like I said, Lucky had a profound effect on me." Okay, we get it.
Felicity's must be on Knoll and Elena's mailbox, because she is back there, eating cereal with Knoll. She admits to having slept with David, and Knoll asks her if the mystery is gone. Hey Knoll, quit projecting your screwed-up notions of sex and love on to Felicity. Felicity won't answer. Knoll smirks and says, "now you and I have something that you and David don't." Knoll seems very pleased with himself and he and Felicity continue to eat and exchange glances. As the episode ends, I end up wondering why Lucky had to be the one to die.