"Previously on Felicity," Bitchy-TV-Maggie invites Ben to a party, Ruby invites Felicity to join Knoll and her for a walking tour on Bleecker Street.
Knoll, Felicity, and Elena are in Knoll's and Elena's apartment eating dinner. Elena interrogates the other two about their love lives. Knoll says that Ruby is away for a few days and Felicity says she doesn't want to talk about it. Elena thinks the "awkwardness" between Felicity and Knoll is weird. Felicity and Knoll deny that there is any awkwardness between them, but Elena pursues the matter by telling Knoll that Ruby told Felicity that she (Ruby) thinks Knoll is hot. C'mon Elena, Felicity is trying to eat! Do you think she needs to relive that horrifying moment? Anyway, Elena says that Knoll is worrying about the guy Felicity is going to date. Felicity looks doubtful and Knoll responds by shovelling a HUGE forkful of spaghetti into his cakehole. What a catch! Oooh, he's hot! Elena leaves the table to go study and Felicity says, "Talk about somebody who needs a date." Knoll agrees by making little "mmm" noises while nodding and still mowing through his food, then he says, "Serious sexual frustration." Now it's Felicity's turn to "mmm" her assent while eating.
Back at Knoll and Elena's apartment the day, Knoll is playing with the "Playstation -- ninety-nine dollars," which he has just purchased. ["The Playstation remarks, 'Product placement.'" -- Wing Chun] Elena declares it to be a "time vacuum" and says that she's seen what happens to people with them and "it's not pretty." Knoll asks her, "Didn't you have any videogames when you were growing up?" Elena says no; she had a toy doctor's set. Knoll ignores Elena and launches into a stroll down memory lane remembering his "first time, it was Atari, [he] was eight years old, those little stick figure men --" What, are we talking about his first sexual experience, or his first videogame? Elena seems about as interested in this as I am, which is to say, not at all. Obliviously, Knoll blathers on about how he could play for hours. Again, we're talking about videogames, right? Elena tells him that he's pathetic and says "it's no wonder [he] never gets any action." Knoll vehemently denies that he doesn't get any action and Elena gives him a very cool "yeah, right" look. Knoll tells her that his lack of action doesn't have anything to do with videogames. Um, no kidding. Anyway, Knoll bores both of us with the details of playing Crash Bandicoot and simultaneously, Elena and I both say, "whatever." Elena goes on to tell him to keep the noise down because she has to study.
Felicity is sitting on the end of bed recording a tape for Sally and telling her Elena's theory that Knoll is worrying about the guy Felicity is going to date. Felicity thinks that is sweet but declares that he doesn't have anything to worry about because she is very happy to not be dating.
On her way into art class, Professor Sherman Tank stops Felicity to gush over her assignment. Felicity is taken aback because last week Sherman Tank was all about rolling over Felicity's drawing. However, Professor Sherman may have an ulterior motive, as it seems that she is pimping for her son. Yes, she actually asks Felicity to go on a blind date with her son, and even though she admits "it is a little unprofessional." A little unprofessional -- ya think?!?!? It seems that Mama's Boy is a grad student at the fictional University of New York and he's a photographer. Felicity stammers incoherently.
Felicity tells Elena at Epstein Bar that of course, she said no, because she has a boyfriend, but then she remembers that she told Sherman that she didn't have one when Sherman asked. Elena doesn't understand why Felicity is getting "all worked up." Felicity suspects that Sherman will rev up her tank and roll over her and her drawings again, should Felicity decline to go on the date. Elena tells her not to worry because "fixing people up is something old people like to do." Well, that's never really been the case in my world, and I'm really grateful for that. Julie shows up and joins them at the table just as Elena is mentioning blind dates. Julie asks, "Who's going on a blind date?" Elena tells Julie about Professor Sherman recruiting Felicity to date her son, and then Elena leaves to meet with her new lab partner. Felicity and Julie share an awkward moment and then Julie offers to share her bag of muffins with Felicity for breakfast. Um, you're in a restaurant. If you want breakfast, shouldn't you order something off the menu? Sadly, there are no servers around to kick Julie and her bringing-outside-food-into-a-restaurant ass out into the street. Julie asks Felicity if she is going to go on the blind date. Felicity says no and Julie tells her that she likes blind dates and "actually, [she] likes dates." You don't say, Julie. So, Julie goes on to tell Felicity about A-list and B-list guys, and that you date B-listers to get over breaking up with A-listers. Yeah, well, maybe that's what self-centred little brats do. Julie uses the term "dating muscle" and I still don't have the stomach to further elaborate what she means by that.
At Dean & DeLuca, Felicity and Ben are working the same shift, Javier's name is mentioned but he isn't in the scene. They talk a bit and Bitchy-TV-Maggie comes in. Out of the corner of her eye, Felicity watches Ben and Bitchy-TV-Maggie talk. Bitchy-TV-Maggie has dropped in on the pretense of asking Ben to come over to her place to taste her new muffins. Wait a minute, is that what the kids are calling it these days? Ben agrees to come over the following night to share his muffin expertise.
Felicity is back in her room, still talking to Sally. She tells her that she's decided to start dating again because Ben and Knoll have. Well, okay then.
Over at Knoll and Elena's apartment, Knoll is still playing Crash Bandicoot. Elena chastises him for skipping class to continue playing the game. The phone rings and it's Ruby. Sensitive, caring guy that he is, Knoll talks to her while without pausing the game. Naturally, he's incapable of doing both and he drops the phone. Still, he can't be bothered to actually stop playing and talk to his wannabe girlfriend, so he yells at the phone, which is on the floor. He finally does pause the game to talk to her and Elena wanders by and starts playing. Knoll screeches, "You're ruining my life!" and he has to tell Ruby that he doesn't mean her. With Ruby still on the other end of the phone, Knolls bellows at Elena to "Repause, repause, repause!" Gee, I can see why Knoll doesn't think his lack of "action" has anything to do with videogames. Whatever. ["Speaking as someone who is married to an avid gamer, I feel I must interject that Knoll is objectionable on his own merits, or lack thereof. Don't blame the Playstation! And now, if you'll excuse me, I've paused my game of Tekken 3 and I really should get back to it." -- Wing Chun]
Felicity goes to see Sherman Tank to tell her that she'll go out with her son. Professor Tank makes the date for the following night. Felicity wonders if maybe son o' Tank should be consulted first, but La Tank tells her she'll call him. She also tells Felicity to "wear something light," and that "a little colour on [her] lips wouldn't hurt." Felicity looks on in disbelief. Here's a hint Felicity, if a guy's mother has that much say in his life, you need to consider him to F-list material -- "F" standing for "freak."
Felicity is sitting on her bed writing while Carl, an advisee, is looking into the mirror and saying, "ahhhhhh." He thinks he's got food poisoning because he feels sick all the time. Meghan says, "Here's what you do. You get your rich parents to send you some money --" Carl interjects that his parents aren't rich. Meghan continues, "Take that money and buy yourself a refrigerator and get your own food. Got it?" Carl nods. Meghan tells him to leave and he does. Felicity asks her if she even listens to what she says to people. Meghan admits that she doesn't, which reminds her that David called and left a message for Felicity. However, she doesn't remember any of the details and deleted the message by "semi-accident." Felicity starts to freak because she doesn't know any of the date plans and in a major shout-out to Wing Chun, Meghan says, "Don't have a hissy -- just call him." When Meghan finds that it's a blind date she says, "That is so pathetic. Do you know you've reached a new sub-basement of pathetic?" When she finds out that David is La Tank's son, she says, "Let me see if I can spell this out for you. Grad student plus mother plus blind date equals gay." Felicity protests that he isn't. Meghan says, "G-A-Y. Have fun," and she leaves. Felicity ponders that theory.
Elena and Knoll enter their apartment and each tries to get the other to not head straight for the television and Playstation. They both end up rushing for the sofa and start playing. Knoll reminds her that she thinks videogames are a waste of time and she says that she can waste her time any way she chooses. Knoll then accuses her of having practiced. She admits that someone she is tutoring has a Playstation. Knoll suggests that they play together.
In the half-light, Felicity is talking to Sally about blind dates, and then we see her waiting in a restaurant. She spots a guy who looks like one of the Affleck brothers with some random facial hair and she confirms that he is David. She starts making small talk and he abruptly turns away to find a table, doing his dead man walking imitation.
Over at Bitchy-TV-Maggie's place of business there's some boring conversation about how she got started in the business, and then Ben asks about the muffins he is supposedly there to try. Of course, Bitchy-TV-Maggie is out of muffins and Ben seems incredulous. Hey Ben, THERE NEVER WERE ANY MUFFINS! Wake up, dude! Bitchy-TV-Maggie insists that he try an apple tart that she holds up to his mouth. He takes a Tori Spelling-sized bite and she touches his face to ostensibly wipe away a crumb. Before things can go any further she gets an emergency call from an employee and has to go. Ben says it's okay because he got a "free tart" out of it. Whoa Ben, tarts cost and right here is where you start paying. In sweat. Ooops, I launched into a Miss Grant speech, but I think you get my point. Bitchy-TV-Maggie and Ben decide to get together again, the following night.
At what turns out to be a French restaurant, Felicity and David struggle over more small talk and David drains a bottle of wine. To her every question, he gives one-word answers. A server who looks very much like Julie comes to the table and says, "'Ow eez everyting?" In not-badly-accented French, David asks for another bottle of wine, "in fact, as many as it takes for me to disappear." It appears that Felicity has understood some of what he has said and the server stammers a bit. Felicity excuses herself from the table and goes to call Elena.
Meanwhile, Elena and Knoll are playing Crash Bandicoot and yelling at each other. They ignore the phone.
Getting no response from Elena and Knoll, Felicity phones Julie. Julie tells her to leave.
Felicity returns to the table and says, in a much worse accent than David's, "Listen. I have never had such a bad evening, Never." She leaves and David looks stunned. Either he's puzzled that she understands French, or he's reeling over her terrible accent.
Back at Elena's and Knoll's there's more boring videogame talk and arguing. Elena suggests that they contact her cousin to get hints on how to beat the game. Knoll doesn't want help "from a geeky computer programmer." No problemo, Geeko Suavé. Felicity shows up and gives them hell for not taking her call the night before because they were playing a game. Elena blows off Felicity and stays home to keep playing the game. Felicity gets annoyed and leaves.
In her room, Felicity is sitting at her desk using her iBook. Does Apple underwrite the whole series or what? Meghan comes in, dressed fairly goth-esquely (or at least the way television costume designers envision gothy types dress), and inquires about the blind date. Before Felicity can answer, Meghan figures out that it was bad. When she opens the door to leave, she finds David standing there, asking for Felicity. He apologizes profusely and asks for another date. Felicity shoots him pretty thoroughly and Meghan grins at her forthrightness. He spins a sob story about how his former girlfriend dumped him for his best friend, and that he knows he acted like a jerk. Felicity says nothing and he leaves. In her best June Cleaver voice Meghan says, "I think you were a little harsh on him," and she leaves.
Bitchy-TV-Maggie and Ben are talking and walking down the street after their date. Ben invites her up to his place "for coffee." Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Oh wait, that's what they've been calling it forever.
At the loft, Sean spoons up some smoothaise for Bitchy-TV-Maggie to try. Sean charms Bitchy-TV-Maggie by comparing catered parties to jail and other such marketing theories. Bitchy-TV-Maggie tries the smoothaise and makes a face. Sean leaves to go to an all-night Russian spice store in Brighton Beach. Bitchy-TV-Maggie says she's going to leave but Ben convinces her to stay the night. With his lips.
It's the morning after the night before and Bitchy-TV-Maggie is getting dressed. Ben wants to know when they'll see each other again and she tells him that won't be happening. He wonders if it is the difference in their ages and she firmly tells him that isn't the case. Hmmm, why would someone not want to see the person with whom she's just had a one-night stand, ever again? Hmm, I wonder. She tells him that she'll call him and it looks like it's the first time he's ever been on the receiving end of that line.
Felicity is wearing her Dean & DeLuca t-shirt in her room and Meghan enters, followed by Carl, who is carrying a small fridge. Apparently, it doesn't work and Meghan tells him to leave with her so that she can see that it gets fixed. It turns out that he just hasn't adjusted the thermostat, so Meghan hijacks the fridge so that she and Felicity will each have their own.
At Dean & DeLuca, David brings Felicity a long-stemmed red rose and cookies to apologize. Felicity tells him it isn't necessary but he continues to apologize. Eventually, she thaws and admits that she's had a recent break-up. She agrees to go out with him again.
Elena is on the phone with her cousin to get the number of his "connection" who can help them beat the game. Knoll whines about the game and generally acts like he needs to score his rock of crack, while Elena acts like his enabler. He tells her not to call the connection.
Outside Dean & DeLuca, Felicity runs into Ben and he asks her about her blind date. She tells him that they're going out again. She asks him if he is seeing anyone and he tells her about Bitchy-TV-Maggie. Felicity asks if she was the "older" woman who was in the shop the other day. Ben defensively says that she's "not that old." They wish each other well in their respective love lives and go their separate ways.
At the loft, Sean is messing around with his smoothaise and when Ben comes in he tells him that his mother called. Ben says, "My mother?" Sean laughs and says that he meant to say that Ben's "lover" called. Sean tells Ben that Bitchy-TV-Maggie is out of his league and he adds his patented, "I don't want to see you get hurt." Actually Sean, it seems that you don't want to see him get any. But whatever.
At dinner, Felicity and David are having an animated conversation about his photography, and their respective demanding parents. They toast each other since they are both disappointments to their parents. Okay, that's healthy. Not.
At their apartment, Elena is on the phone to the connection, and Knoll is flaring his Knollstrils, in a big way. Elena dictates the instructions and Knoll executes them with the Playstation. It doesn't work and the connection doesn't think Knoll is a very good player. Knoll gets on the phone bitches out the connection, for calling his manhood -- uh, his gaming skills -- into question. The connection starts to cry because it seems that Knoll has ripped a new one in a seven year-old.
In the slow-motion portion of the episode, Felicity and David are walking down the street, holding hands and talking.
They get to her dorm room and say goodnight. He says that it would be an honour to be her B-list person. Felicity wistfully watches him leave.
Felicity turns up at Knoll and Elena's place and ends up going out with Knoll for coffee because Elena isn't there. She doesn't tell him about David because "it's weird talking about B-list people with an A-list guy." Oh.My.God. Thankfully, that's the end of the episode, because that line is enough to make me want to dropkick my television set down the stairs. Knoll is on sooooo many lists, but the A-list is not one he'll ever be on, unless A stands for Assknoll. Really.