The Depths

S02E04

Felicity is making a tape for Sally. She says that now Julie is performing songs about how evil Felicity is. This makes Felicity want to punch Julie in the face. Join the club, girlfriend. While we hear this, we are treated to the sight of Felicity marching down the sidewalk. I half expect some rival gangs to creep out of the alley and start fighting, since her red leather jacket looks like something Michael Jackson wore in the video for "Beat It." Felicity arrives at the loft and knocks, and Sean answers the door wearing an apron and carrying a mixing bowl. He tells her that Julie is not there, and asks if she wants to try the new condiment he is working on, which looks disgusting. Felicity asks him to tell Julie she stopped by, and to call her, and that it's an emergency. Keri Russell did a good job here of conveying barely restrained rage and frustration, I thought. Sean says that Felicity must've heard about the song.

Cut to Felicity sitting in Elena's apartment, expressing her outrage over Julie's playing a mean song about her as entertainment. Knoll remarks that she doesn't know how cruel it is because she hasn't heard it yet, but he doesn't say that in a mean way, so I guess their thawing from last episode has continued. Felicity says she has made overtures to Julie, and asks Knoll how he would feel if she were singing mean songs about him in public. I thought at this point the scene would devolve into an argument between Felicity and Knoll about who was wrong, but thankfully, it didn't. Frankly, I don't really care about Felicity and Knoll anymore. I've moved on, and I'm glad to see that they are starting to as well. Because it's all about my needs, you know. Anyway, instead Knoll answers that he would pity the public since Felicity has a horrible singing voice, but again he doesn't say it in a mean way. Elena shares that when she was in the third grade, a girl wrote a poem about her, made copies and passed them out in class. The poem was called "Stinky Girl." Knoll none too sensitively snorts into his cereal at the title, and Elena says she still remembers it and asks if they want to hear it. Knoll quickly says that he does not. Felicity takes this opportunity to turn attention back to her plight, saying that Elena's poem was eleven years ago, and she remembers it, because it was traumatic. Knoll pooh-poohs Felicity, saying that she and Julie will make up, because if he and Felicity can, anyone can. Felicity says that she and Julie were never friends like she and Knoll "are...were...whatever," and Knoll looks surprised by that statement. Felicity asks the time and Knoll says "10:33" and Elena says, "10:36," and then they give each other the stink-eye. Felicity says she's late and has to leave, and adds that she is jealous that they have their own apartment. Knoll asks if she doesn't like living with Meghan (where was he last year? Hello?) Felicity says sarcastically, "No, I love it. I never have to go see the Rocky Horror Picture Show." Felicity asks Knoll if they're still going to "the Modern," and Elena expresses surprise that they are going to a museum. Felicity says that this is what life is like after pre-med. Knoll adds that he asked Ruby to go with them, which Felicity says is fine, and asks how things are with them. Knoll says they're not dating, Felicity says she knows that, and Knoll is all, "Why? Did she say that? Did she say anything?" which isn't too obvious. Finally they agree to meet at the museum at 2 PM and Felicity leaves. Elena starts reciting the poem: "Stinky girl, stinky girl, don't touch my..." and Knoll says he doesn't want to hear it and Elena gives him the stink-eye. Between this and the time conflict, I think they're trying to set up a little roommate tension between these two.

Felicity is talking to Sally, and saying that they have to go to the museum to see a photography exhibit for her art class, which explains why she is going with Knoll. She takes the subway, and for once, she walks down the street in regular time instead of slow motion. Maybe now that she cut her hair (and it still looks awful, for the record), the directors figured out that they can't waste time on shots of her hair billowing out behind her and bouncing with each stride. Felicity tells Sally that she was just thinking, ironically, that the subway system is amazing. Just then, Julie stumbles in with her guitar case and Felicity says that she knew when Julie got on, that the ride would be far from perfect. You know what? Usually this show is somewhat subtle, but they are really hitting me over the head with the foreshadowing this week. Stop it.

Ben is cleaning the espresso machine at Dean and Deluca to the strains of "Low Rider" by War. He looks out the front window and checks out a blonde woman dressed in a business suit, probably in her late twenties, who is talking animatedly into her cel phone. He keeps checking her out and rubbing the steaming nozzle, which is kind of suggestive now that I think about it. She comes in, asks for a hundred and twenty-five brownies by 5 PM, and asks if he can handle that. Ben kind of chuckles and says, "Can I handle that you really enjoy brownies or..." Blondie interrupts him by saying that she's a caterer, and she needs them for a party, and her chef just had an aneurysm, and "could you deliver the brownies or am I wasting my time?" I can't believe she's getting this worked up over brownies, but maybe that's why I can't afford high-powered business suits and cell phones like Blondie here -- I don't get that fired up about baked goods. Ben is a bit taken aback as well and says, "My manager's downstairs," although the captioning, for some reason, says "my men are just downstairs." People, which makes more sense? Ben picks up the phone and calls Javier. Since we only hear one side, I can't tell you what Javier said, but I bet it was funny. Ben tells him what he needs, then he says, "Blonde hair, Javier. Come up if you want to see her." Please, please, come up and see her, Javier! We miss you! No such luck, as Ben hangs up the phone and tells Blondie they can do it. She hands him a credit card and tells him very dismissively to "run it through quickly. I'm on a schedule." Ben is once again taken aback by her rudeness and says, "Yes, ma'am" in an offended tone.

Back on the subway, a guy walks onto Felicity and Julie's car, selling miscellaneous crap. I didn't think people really opened up their coats and offered to sell you stuff -- I though that only happened in the cartoons! Anyway, this fellow will be known as Annoying Vendor Guy. Felicity moves over to sit by Julie and asks if Julie got her message. Julie: "Yup." Felicity says that she stopped by last night, so was Julie going to call her? Julie: "Nope." Felicity says, "Is this, seriously, the way you're always going to talk to me?" Julie: "Yup." I never noticed before that Julie's speaking voice makes her sound twelve years old. Felicity moves back to her original seat, and we hear her telling Sally that her only comfort at this point was knowing that she only had four stops left with "Julie Emrick, singer of evil songs." Once again, a little heavy on the foreshadowing. Because of course, in the very moment the subway squeals to a halt and all the lights go out and then come back on. There is a garbled announcement (and the captioning literally says "garbled announcement" which cracked me up). Felicity tells Sally that the only words she heard were "remain" and "calm," which she wouldn't have done if she knew what was about to happen, and that was the weirdest day of her life. Okay, writers, don't make me come back there and slap you around. When I say enough with the heavy-handed foreshadowing techniques, I'm not kidding. Cut. It. Out.

A title appears on the screen that says"2:36 PM. 1 hour underground." In the subway car, Felicity is looking in the mirror and sketching her eye some more, as everyone else mostly reads. Suddenly a guy starts talking -- we'll call him Crazy Bald Guy. He says that he just moved to New York last Thursday and asks if it's normal for the subway to stop. Annoying Vendor Guy comes back into the car and announces that he is having a sale, everything for $4. Crazy Bald Guy announces that the reason they are stopped might be a poison gas attack, like what happened in Japan, and the only reason that anyone survived that was because the people left the train and ran down the tracks. No one really pays any attention to him, so he goes on to say that they are all conditioned to be polite and not act crazy, but that being passive could kill them. Annoying Vendor Guy approaches Julie and tries to sell her a harmonica so that she can be a "female Bob Dylan." He keeps pestering her and she keeps saying no. Finally, Felicity stands up and tells him to leave Julie alone. Annoying Vendor Guy says that he was talking to the "nice, young lady." Felicity says, "First of all, you don't know how nice she is and secondly, you're annoying her." Annoying Vendor Guy backs off. Felicity sits down by Julie, who says, "You didn't have to do that." Gee, don't say thanks or anything. Felicity takes this momentary détente to say that she heard about Julie's song and Julie should understand why Felicity's so upset. Julie says that she deals with her anger through her music. Felicity says, "So this is you after you've dealt with your anger?" Felicity has obviously been taking lessons from Meghan because that was a good one!

Ruby and Knoll are at the museum, discussing the fact that Felicity is late. Ruby tells Knoll she likes his watch, and he says it's a new G-Shock and that he bought it on the internet. She says that he must be a real geek, but she doesn't say it in a derogatory way, more of an admiring way. Knoll gets all flustered and says that he guesses he is. Wait, he's a geek because he bought something on the web? Huh? Am I missing something here? I don't think that makes him a geek at all. If he said he built his own computer, installed Linux and was running a web hosting service from his apartment, maybe then he would be a geek. Maybe. But buying a watch on the internet does not qualify him. Maybe he's a geek because he bought a G-Shock, "the toughest watch on earth"? But I digress. Ruby then says "guys with smooth hands." I say, "What?" Knoll says, "What?" Ruby explains that there's a theory that thousands of years ago, the guys with the roughest hands were the most successful and the best leaders, because they had done the most hard labor. These days, that statistic or measurement has been reversed. This was all a cheap ploy for her to grab Knoll's hand, and she finishes her little speech and gives his hand back. Knoll suggests that they go into the exhibit and they do. You know, I didn't like Ruby at first, and I was angry at Knoll for being such a baby, but call me fickle because I didn't hate them in this scene. Yeah, she's ditzy and sure, he has gigantic nostrils, but I was charmed.

Back in the subway car, Felicity continues to draw in her sketchpad. I know she changed her major and all, but is she going to carry that thing everywhere, not unlike Julie and her guitar? Just checking. Felicity leans forward, apologizes to Julie, and says she doesn't blame Julie for being mad, or for working out her anger through her music. What she does object to is the public performance of that music at a place where many of their mutual friends hang out, and that it was passive-aggressive to do so. Julie says, "No, it's not," and Felicity says, "You're right. It's aggressive-aggressive." She goes on to say that it's one thing to feel that way, but another thing to publicize it. Julie says, very snottily, "It's called free speech. I didn't perform it so you would come running to me." Oh, excuse me while we debate constitutional law -- I thought we were talking about human decency. Well, that's what Felicity should have said. Instead, she says she would appreciate it if Julie didn't advertise their history. Julie asks why Felicity cares so much and what she feels so guilty about, but she's interrupted by another garbled announcement. Annoying Vendor Guy bursts into the car and says that it's not technical problems, that they hit someone. Everyone in the car discusses this, and Annoying Vendor Guy says it was probably just one of the Mole People. Felicity asks what he means, and he says that there are people who live in the subway tunnels. Some were chased there, and some choose to live there. A new woman, Ditzy Blonde Lady, says Diane Sawyer did a segment on them. The scene concludes with Annoying Vendor Guy saying ominously, "It ain't right underneath the city."

Dean and Deluca. Ben and Sean sit at a table and Sean says, "How about smoothaise?" Ben says that is a terrible name. Sean counters that if he'd never heard of it, mustard would sound weird too. Ben asks him to read his list of possible names for his new condiment. Sean says, "Fat-taste-ic" and Ben says, "Fat-taste-ic?" in a hilarious way. Sean continues, "must-ooze, lard spread, wasabe gooze, spice-o-rio, zestrica and smoothaise." Ben concedes that smoothaise is probably the best of the bunch. I laughed so hard at that scene -- especially the way Sean said, "Spice-o-rio" and rolled the R. They are interrupted by Business Suit Blondie, who comes up and says she needs cookies, and proceeds to list them off without so much as a how-do-you-do, and says she needs them delivered - "Do you understand that?" Ben says that he does, but he has to ask his manager. Blondie interrupts to order, "Do it now because I've got a half hour." Ben blows up and says you don't talk to people that way, especially when they're on their break, which he is. He doesn't mind helping her through her little cookie crisis, and he doesn't mind her freaking out, as long as she's polite about it. He doesn't care if he gets fired for going off on her like this and, "Maggie? I know that's your name because it was on the credit card you shoved in my face earlier. My name is Ben and I'm a person." He concludes a little less strongly, by saying, "Just like Sean here." On behalf of every food service, customer service and retail worker everywhere, I would like to give Ben a standing ovation for that speech. We have all had that customer and we have all wanted to give that speech, and I bet very few of us have. Anyway, Maggie is a bit chastened, and sits down at the table and tries again. She asks politely if Ben could possibly ask his manager about her cookies. Ben goes to check, and Sean asks Maggie what she thinks of "smoothaise." I have to say; I like Sean the entrepreneur a lot better than I like Sean the lovesick puppy.

We return to the subway train, where Felicity sits by Julie again and says that she doesn't feel guilty, that she's angry because she has tried to talk to Julie to no avail, and she has to hear what Julie is thinking through Meghan. She apologizes again for going with Ben. Julie asks what she means. I think she means she's sorry for going with Ben. She's only apologized to you like three hundred and forty-seven times. Felicity says that she knows she hurt Julie and she hates it. Julie asks if Felicity would do it again, if she could. There is a pause (but really, not that long of a pause) and Julie says that was "a long pause and that means yes, which I'm not surprised by[sic]." Felicity says she wouldn't have gone if Julie and Ben were still dating. Julie tells her not to try and justify it, that Felicity knew how Julie felt and went anyway. Felicity says that Julie told Knoll, and Julie says she only did it after Felicity was going with Ben. Felicity says that it wasn't decided, and Julie says that was only because she interrupted them about to kiss. Felicity says that last thing she wanted to do was hurt Julie and Julie says that really the last thing Felicity wanted to do was the right thing. Felicity says that the right thing isn't always easy to know.

At this point, I'm wondering why Felicity even cares or wants to be Julie's friend anymore. I mean, she's got Elena, and clearly, the friendship with Julie would just be one apology after another. I think it might be time to give up. Another passenger agrees with me -- we'll call him Angry Bald Guy. He tells the girls to shut up. He's trying to be patient, but what they are arguing about aren't problems, they're luxuries. Angry Bald Guy says that he's going to ask for a loan so that his family can eat, so the girls should shut up because he's tired of hearing about their frills. Ditzy Blonde Lady says she knows what he means because she saw Rent. Ha! Then Wise Older Lady speaks up and says, "Problems are relative. A broken heart can be more painful than a broken rib." Crazy Bald Guy says that he's taken a pill, so he might not be entirely of his mind, but that he sides with Julie, who thanks him. Angry Bald Guy says that neither of them get his sympathy. Annoying Lawyer Guy stands up, says that he's a lawyer, and that they all shouldn't pass judgment until they know all the facts, and asks the girls why they are upset. Felicity makes to ignore him, but Julie says, "She's mad because I wrote a song about her and performed it in public." Annoying Lawyer Guy says that if this were an actual case, he'd have her play the song for the jury. Crazy Bald Guy says that he'd like to hear the song. Young Hip Guy ["who was in a Janet Jackson video" -- Wing Chun] says that she should play the song. Felicity tells her to go ahead, so Julie takes out her guitar and says that the song is called 'Felicity,' and we immediately cut to commercial.

The title says, "4:11 PM. 2 1/2 hours underground." Julie is just finishing up her song with some yodeling, apparently, and everyone claps. I'm kind of digging that they didn't play the song. As with Meghan's box, it could only have been a disappointment. Plus, I didn't have to listen to Amy Jo Johnson sing. Wise Older Woman asks if it's true that Felicity stole Julie's boyfriend. Felicity says no and Julie says yes. Felicity says that they were broken up. Young Hip Guy asks Julie what she's bitching about if they were broken up. Julie says that they had broken up, but the body wasn't even cold. Ditzy Blonde Lady says that it's sad that two best friends were torn apart by a man. Annoying Lawyer Guy begins a line of questioning.

ALG: Is it true that you used to date Ben?
Julie: Yes.

ALG: Is it true that you blame Felicity for betraying your trust?
Julie: Yes.
ALG: And unless I misinterpret your song, which had a lovely melody by the way...
Crazy Bald Guy: Objection! He's leading the witness! Sorry.
ALG: Is it true that you have since moved in with that same man?
Julie: Yes.
ALG: So how is it that you would forgive him, but not your supposed best friend?
Felicity: That is a good question!

Ruby and Knoll are at the museum. Knoll tells a story about how he and his friend Felix made a bet that whoever ate less in a night would have to pay for all of the food for both of them. So they went to a restaurant and each ate five double cheeseburgers and were feeling sick. Then Felix picked up a french fry and ate one bite. Knoll got so grossed out that he threw up, which made Felix throw up. Ruby and Knoll laugh and then Ruby asks if he wants to go get a burger, or something. Knoll says anything but a burger. I really don't know what the point of that whole scene was, except to gross me out. Plus I liked that story better when Wil Wheaton told it in Stand By Me.

The title tells us that it is now 5:15 PM and they have been underground for three and a half hours. Felicity is telling Sally that she doesn't know if it was "cabin fever, lack of oxygen, or if they were stuck with the strangest strangers of all time, but it became a free-for-all." We see all the passengers discussing Julie and Felicity's case. Annoying Vendor Guy asks who Ben is again, and everyone groans and yells at him. Young Hip Guy says that Julie knew that Felicity liked Ben for years. Julie says, "So?" and Young Hip Guy says that it shouldn't have been a surprise that she went with him. Ditzy Blonde Lady says (kind of out of nowhere) that her friends before college are still her friends today. Julie says it's not like that for her because she had a lot of boyfriends in high school, but no girl friends. Creepy Greasy Guy speaks up and says that Julie was a sex toy. Julie gets all offended and he says that he's not passing judgment. He's dated women like her, and "I applaud you, baby." Julie says that Felicity was her first real best friend so she was surprised that she did what she did. Everyone murmurs agreement. Felicity says that not only did she not have any girl friends in high school, she didn't have a boyfriend either. Loser! Ha, I'm just kidding.

Angry Bald Guy asks why they're traveling together if they hate each other. They say they're not - they just both happened to be there. Felicity says she was going to the museum, and Julie says that she was too. Why did she have her guitar with her then? Or does she just use her guitar case as a purse? Wise Older Lady says that they were meant to be on the same train, and the two of them are the reason the train stopped. Angry Black Guy says, "Tell that to the dead guy on the tracks." Wise Older Lady says that the rest of the passengers are all meant to help them reunite. Crazy Bald Guy suddenly spots some Mole People and all the passengers rush to the windows. We see a group of about six freaky-looking people walking through the tunnel. As they get closer, we see that one of them is Meghan! I have to say that I didn't see that coming, and I hope the writers follow up on that, because now I'm intrigued.

Ben is leaving Dean and Deluca when Maggie comes in. She says she was setting up her party when it hit her that she was a jerk to him, and that she likes that he spoke up to her. He asks why she isn't getting ready for her party, and she says she wanted to invite him. They exchange meaningful looks, but don't say anything more and she leaves.

Ruby and Knoll are at Knoll's apartment, I guess. Knoll is showing her a model he made of a building. He says usually he does computer design, but sometimes he likes to make actual 3-D models. She asks if he's used Zap Glue, because it's her favorite. She has a favorite glue? Knoll asks if she rates glue. Ruby starts describing Zap Glue, as she and Knoll get closer and closer and then start kissing. He lays her down on top of his model, crushing it. She apologizes and he says he can fix it with Zap Glue, and they make out some more. When I write this down, this scene sounds incredibly stupid. However, I think it's true that in situations where you want to kiss, but neither of you really wants to make the first move, you do end up talking about stupid things. So it was realistic at least.

It's 6:35 PM, and they've spent five and a half hours underground. Everyone is yelling. Suddenly, Older Wise Man gets up. He hasn't spoken at all. He uses his cane to walk over and gets everyone's attention. He states that Felicity and Julie were never best friends to begin with. He gives a whole speech about how they were just lonely people who shared some experiences, but you don't get best friends, you become best friends. He talks about his own best friend, who played baseball with him and went to war with him, and they were friends for sixty-three years. He says that best friendship doesn't happen in a year or two, and that it's only as valuable as what you put into it. He says judging it after one year is like looking for the final score before you've seen the second inning. So, he doesn't think they were best friends to begin with. Older Wise Man starts to walk back to his seat. That whole speech reminds me that I should call my best friend. Twenty-two years of friendship, thank you very much. Older Wise Man stops and says that one of two things will happen to them. They'll come through this and become best friends, or this will become a memory that will fade into nothing. There is another garbled announcement and the train starts moving again. Everyone smiles and looks happy. Felicity looks thoughtful. Julie looks the same as always. I think she's going for thoughtful, but it's not quite coming through.

The train has arrived at the stop and everyone is getting off. Angry Bald Guy wishes Felicity and Julie luck. Annoying Lawyer Guy offers Angry Bald Guy help if he can't get his loan. Ditzy Blonde Lady tells the girls that if they can't work it out, it wasn't meant to be. They walk up the stairs to the street and pause at the top, making small talk about their experience. Felicity asks Julie if she wants to go get coffee and Julie says no, pleasantly enough. We hear Felicity telling Sally that they spent all that time underground and she doesn't think they came out very well. All she can do is ask for Julie's forgiveness (again!) and it's up to Julie. Still, even if they weren't real best friends, she misses her. I liked the ambiguity of this ending -- a lot of television shows would have had them realize they should be friends, or have Julie say something mean. Instead, it could still go either way really.

There's a knock at Felicity's door and it's Ruby. She asks what happened to Felicity and Felicity says the subway broke down. Ruby says, "Thank God, because could Noel Crane be any cuter?" She goes on to say that he's a "nerdy graphic design type but with a total stud body and that never happens." Remember before when I thought they were cute together? That line almost ended it for me. Ruby says that Knoll's an amazing kisser and asks Felicity not to say anything to him. Do you think the writers are trying to tell us that Ruby hearts Knoll? In case you weren't sure, Ruby says, "He's such a hottie!" Overkill alert. Felicity looks kind of bemused and confused throughout, as if she is trying to decide whether to say anything about her history with Knoll. Ruby sees this and says, "What?" and Felicity says, "I...I'm just happy for you." Ruby gets up to leave and says, "And seriously, thank you so much for not coming!" as she walks out. Felicity smiles to herself.

At the fancy party, we see Ben in a suit, talking to Maggie on a couch. Ben is telling a story (and talking more than I think I've ever seen him talk) and Maggie is laughing.

At the museum, Felicity is looking at a photograph. Julie walks in and they look at each other. Felicity, having been rebuffed last time around, doesn't say anything. Julie says that the song was really mean. Felicity says, "Yeah, a little," and reminds Julie of what she said about free speech. Julie says that she's not going to play the song anymore. I got excited for a minute because I thought she said she's not going to play anymore, period. Felicity thanks her. Julie says that the picture is really great and Felicity agrees as we fade out.