Docuventary

S01E19

Ben talks to a Financial Aid officer, who says that they never received Ben's final tuition payment. They contacted Ben's parents. Ben chuckles and asks what his parents said. The officer says that Ben's dad told them to talk to Ben. Ben says that his father is trying to teach him a lesson, although he's not sure what it is. The officer suggests that Ben take out loans or apply for financial aid. Word, financial aid officer. Ben nods. The officer says that until that happens, Ben still owes them $3200. Ben cracks a weak joke and sighs.

Felicity and Elena get out of the elevator, discussing a final project. Noel walks up and tells Felicity that she's right, and they need to talk. Felicity looks taken aback and tells Elena that she'll meet her at their seminar. Elena looks doubtful and Felicity says it's okay. Elena slowly moves off, giving Noel the stink-eye the whole time. Felicity asks Noel where he wants to go.

Felicity and Noel sit at Epstein Bar, because if they're not in their dorm and they're not at the loft, and they're not in a classroom, and they're not at Dean & Deluca, that's the only other place they can go. Noel says he was going to move until she talked to him, and that she was right, because if he left, he'd just be running away from dealing with their relationship. Noel adds that he didn't buy the part about being a great R.A. Felicity says she's glad he stayed, whatever the reason. Noel says that they had a horrible thing happen, and that they both made bad decisions and hurt each other a lot. Felicity carefully says that it doesn't mean they can't try again. Noel asks whether she thinks they can. Felicity says she keeps asking herself why he needed to be with Hannah and why she went off with Eli, because there must have been something wrong with their relationship. Noel doesn't know. Felicity thinks they need to start over and be friends again. Noel agrees, although it seems like he was thinking of more than a friendship. Sean whispers, "I'm not even here," as he films their conversation. Felicity and Noel tell him to get the hell out. Sean asks if they can talk tomorrow. On the DocuCam, Felicity and Noel continue to yell at Sean, so he murmurs an apology and the screen goes black.

McGrath's seminar. McGrath talks to the students pretentiously about their final projects. Felicity enters, clearly very late, and everyone stares at her. McGrath ignores her and dismisses the class. Felicity asks Elena what she missed. Elena says that McGrath assigned the final project and everyone has a partner. Felicity asks who her partner is. Elena says that Felicity doesn't have one, because even though there are ten people in the class, he put Elena in a group of three. Felicity stands and asks McGrath if she can partner with Elena. McGrath asks Felicity whether she knows what he just discussed for two hours, and she is forced to admit that she doesn't. McGrath reminds her that she has to be committed. Felicity says she had a personal thing. McGrath says that unless she is committed, it won't work. Felicity asks whether it means she has to do twice as much work as anyone else. McGrath asks if she's whining. Felicity says she was, but that she'll stop. What a dick. I hate college professors who think that their words are like spun gold, and that missing one class is the end of the world, and won't make allowances for the fact that students might have, you know, lives.

DocuCam. Sean stands outside and points out Kelvin Hall. Cut to Julie saying that the best part of college is the friends that you make, and she refers to Sean as "this weird guy making a documentary about them." Back to regular cam, as Sean asks her to leave him out of her answers. Noel knocks and enters to tell Julie that there is a dorm meeting that night. He notices Sean's camera and says he sees that Sean has "finally succumbed to the insipid world of pornography." "Insipid"? I mean, most pornography is fairly insipid, but that doesn't seem like the right word for that sentence. ["For real. That was a total Dawson's Creek line." -- Wing Chun] Sean explains about the guy who sold the documentary for tons of money. Noel asks what his movie is about, exactly. Sean says it's "just kids venting about college." Noel suggests that he call it a "docuventary." Sean asks Noel to make up a graphic saying that, adding that it would be great exposure for Noel when the movie gets sold. Noel agrees to do it. Noel asks Julie if she knows where Felicity is. Julie says she went uptown with Elena and then has her seminar. Noel leaves, and Sean comments on how nice he is. Julie says, "Yeah, generally." Sean asks what that means. Julie says that it's the flip side of making friends. Sean tells her to pause while he adjusts the camera, then tells her to continue and we go to DocuCam. Julie says the flip side of making friends is that one day you kiss one of them, or someone from your past returns, and it's complicated.

More DocuCam. Richard says that the greatest part of college is being away and having only one roommate. He explains that he comes from a big family with seven kids, and that he was number four.

After a pan across a crowded park, we cut to Sean interviewing Lynn, who says that the possibilities are endless, and that there are no boundaries or limitations. He says that you can study brain surgery or cosmetology.

DocuCam. Elena says that when she got to college, she had a lot of rules for herself about how tough she needed to be. She soon realized that everyone else was scared too, and she loosened up. Guy interviews that he wasn't in any clique in high school, and that he wasn't that popular. Sean asks if college is different. Guy says it's not really, but he still likes it better, because you can't get good pizza in Buffalo. Somehow I doubt that the birthplace of the chicken wing doesn't have any good pizza. I can vouch that good pizza exists in both Rochester and Syracuse, so I'm sure Buffalo has some too. ["In my experience, it's quite oily. Which doesn't necessarily mean it's bad." -- Wing Chun] Lynn interviews that some people think he's a cliché, because he has an accent, but he's smart. His proof, "I know who Ayn [which he pronounces "Ane"] Rand is. I know about the Bell Curve. I have friends in France." Heh. Chloe interviews that she loves being a librarian and being surrounded by books all day. She compares it to working in a graveyard, except that the dead people can still talk to you. Sean says, "You are so cute." He comes in front of the camera and kisses her, then says they'll cut that out later. So I guess that second date worked out?

More DocuCam. Sean asks Ben how coming to college has affected his family. Ben thinks for a while and then says that his parents split up. Sean didn't know this and asks why Ben never told him. Ben says it happened a couple of weeks ago, and that it's about time his mom got up and left. Ben rubs his eyes and asks if they're done yet.

Still More DocuCam. Noel interviews that he became an R.A. for the money, and to help students. He says that he had a terrible R.A. when he was a freshman, who ignored every guy and slept with every girl. Sean comments, "Like you slept with Felicity." Noel angrily says that he never slept with Felicity. Sean asks why not. Noel asks what that has to do with college. Sean says that he heard Felicity slept with some other guy. Noel stands and asks, "Can we not do this right now?" We switch back to regular cam as Sean apologizes and says they can start over. Noel says he's not in a good mood right now. He says that Felicity did sleep with someone else, and that it's making him crazy. Noel admits that he did a bad thing, because his ex came back and said she was still interested, and it threw him, and he started questioning everything. Noel concludes, "Nothing should have made me question what I had with Felicity." Sean mutters, "Man, I wish I had my camera going." Noel asks what he means, and Sean says that the docuventary has to be about Noel and Felicity. Noel doesn't like that idea. Sean asks if the problem is that Noel can't forgive her. Noel sighs and says he can't get the image of Felicity and Eli out of his mind. He explains that when he was with his ex, Felicity went off and slept with another guy. He thought about going to health services and talking to a counselor, or even going to a hypnotist. Is this segment for the people who didn't watch the last four or five episodes or something? What's with all the recapping? Sean thinks a hypnotist is a great idea, and talks about his uncle who smoked three packs a day, but then he saw a hypnotist and quit, and he also lobbies for anti-tobacco legislation. Sean thinks a hypnotist is the best way for Noel to resolve his feelings for Felicity, and promises to get Noel the number.

Dean & Deluca. Lynn walks in and harasses a customer in an effort to razz Ben. The customer is unfazed. Lynn demands a coffee and a free brownie, which Ben gives him. They talk about swim team practice, and Lynn invites Ben to go bowling with him and Nicole. Ben says he can't go, and then shows Lynn his paycheck from Dean & Deluca. Lynn comments on how little money it is. Oh, I'm sorry we can't all have the glamorous and wealth-building job of...bartender. Whatever, Lynn. Ben asks Lynn to bet the money. Lynn doesn't think Barry will take such a small amount, so Ben tells him to double it, and he'll worry about covering it if he loses. I'll bet he's regretting buying Julie's stupid guitar about now. Lynn doesn't want to, but Ben says he needs it. Lynn urges Ben to go bowling with them, and offers to pay. ["Woo, big spender! That's five whole dollars he's saved Ben on his entertainment budget!" -- Wing Chun] Ben finally agrees, and then signs his check over to Lynn.

DocuCam. Felicity walks down the hall and asks Sean what he's doing. Sean says it's a docuventary, and that he really needs to talk to Felicity, who's not interested. Doesn't she already know what he's doing, since she saw him at Epstein Bar? Felicity walks by with her head down. Sean turns the camera around and narrates, "There she goes. Felicity Porter. The unknowing co-star."

More DocuCam. Guy interviews that he's very complex and that girls don't understand him. He thinks he'll get tons of chicks when he's older. He might start by getting a haircut. Julie interviews that some people think Hannah was being manipulative, but Julie just thinks she was lonely. Elena interviews that Felicity is her girl, and that they go through things together.

Noel works on a docuventary graphic. Felicity knocks on the door and Noel yells, "Richard, go away." Felicity says that it's her, and Noel tells her to come in. She pauses inside the door and says it feels like she hasn't been in there in so long. Noel agrees and pleasantly asks what's up. Felicity brings up her pasta theory, and I'm surprised "The Pasta Theory" wasn't the episode title. But then they had that one later on called "The Aretha Theory," so it might have been confusing. J.J. Abrams sure likes his theories. Noel remembers the pasta theory, and saw that the special was linguine on Monday. Felicity explains that she missed a crucial McGrath seminar, so now she has to do a final project with charts and graphs, and Noel is great at those. Noel asks what she needs. Felicity says she wondered if she could use Photoshop when he's not using his computer. So the wrong software for that. She should be using Excel. Noel tells her that she can use it now. Felicity asks if he's sure, and Noel says he was just fooling around with stuff for Sean's movie. Felicity sits down, and Noel lies down on his bed and picks up a book. Felicity asks again if it's okay. Noel says they can't keep having this conversation. Felicity turns back to her work. Noel totally watches her work and then asks if she needs a new layer. Felicity says she does, so Noel stands up and grabs the mouse, brushing her hand in the process, like he couldn't have just yelled out the keyboard shortcut or whatever. Felicity thanks him and he sits back down.

Noel tries to read again but, after a few more moments of awkward silence, tells Felicity that it isn't going to work. Felicity asks what he means, and Noel says they're both sitting there pretending nothing happened. Felicity says she wasn't pretending anything, and Noel says that he was, and that he can't. Felicity says that Eli didn't mean anything to her. Noel says that might make it worse, and that he's not trying to make her feel guilty because he knows he hurt her, too. Noel says that he doesn't have the capacity to start over and be friends again. Felicity quietly says, "Oh." Noel apologizes and says he can't be a very good friend right now. Felicity looks upset, then gathers her books and walks out. DocuCam. Felicity walks out of Noel's room. Sean asks if he'll talk to her now, and Felicity tells him to get away from her. Sean tells the camera, "We'll get her tomorrow."

DocuCam. Establishing shot of Kelvin Hall. Sean asks Darryl, that male R.A. from another floor, what he thinks about Felicity and Noel. (Darryl was Brian Krakow's R.A., if that helps you place him.) Anyway, he says if he were Noel, he could never forgive Felicity for "getting down with another guy." Sean points out that Noel went off with Hannah first. The R.A. says that Noel "didn't get down with her," and he thinks that "Felicity's out." In another interview, Sean asks Ben how it feels to be replaced by Eli. Ben doesn't know what Sean is talking about. Sean says it used to be Ben or Noel, and now it's Eli or Noel. Ben says, "So what?" Sean asks Ben if he's jealous, and Ben says he's not. Twice. He totally is! I hope.

Noel prints out a graphic for the docuventary. There's a knock at his door, and he yells, "Richard, go away!" It cracks me up that he apparently yells that anytime there's a knock at the door. Anyway, it's not Richard; it's Guy. He invites Noel to go to Conan O'Brien with him. Noel thinks it would be awesome, and asks how many people Guy asked before him. Guy says he didn't ask any men, but he asked twelve women. Noel smiles and puts on his coat. Guy asks where he's going, and Noel says, "Uh, a hypnotist." Guy says, "Oh. You know, you said that like it was a normal answer." Noel says he'll explain it to him on Tuesday, when they go to see Conan. Guy reminds Noel to wear something cool in case they get on TV. I don't think Noel owns anything cool.

Felicity presents her research proposal to McGrath in his office. Her thesis is that love is a genetic condition. What? I don't know. Felicity tries to explain it, but it still doesn't make much sense to me. She says that maybe we're all genetically preprogrammed to connect to someone else who's programmed in a compatible way. That sounds dangerously close to soulmate territory. McGrath asks if she subscribes to the theory. Felicity says she doesn't know, but she thinks it's interesting why some couples stay together and some break up. She wants to do "theoretical genetic analysis" of forty couples: twenty that have been together for ten years or more and twenty that broke up within two years. McGrath blahs about genetic markers and Felicity makes one last plea to partner with Elena. McGrath snots that if she'd come to class, they wouldn't be having this conversation. He softens, "I know this is a silly lesson to you, but it's my lesson to teach." And his point is? Shouldn't his goal be to help his students learn as much as possible about the subject matter? If he knows it's a silly lesson, why not give up the ghost already and just let her partner with Elena? Especially if Elena doesn't mind? Whatever.

DocuCam. Noel is at the hypnotist. The hypnotist clarifies that Noel doesn't really have an addiction to anything. Noel asks Sean if he said Noel had an addiction. Sean said Noel was addicted to Felicity. The hypnotist has never handled that before. Noel wants to leave. Sean encourages him to talk about the image. Noel says that his ex went off with another guy, and now he has an image in his head of them together that is haunting him. The hypnotist says he might be able to help. Cut to the hypnotist putting Noel under and saying that the time he thinks of Felicity and Eli together, he'll feel calm. The hypnotist turns to the camera while Noel is still out and says that Noel is "so full of anger that he can only see a symptom" and "can't see the problem." Sean asks if the hypnotist can make Noel think that water is lemon juice. The hypnotist grins and says that's easy. Cut to Noel drinking water and then spitting it out.

More DocuCam. Sean knocks on Felicity's door and begs her to talk. She asks what the movie is about, and Sean says it's about relationships in college. Felicity rolls her eyes. Sean asks her to talk a bit about her experience. Felicity doesn't think she has anything valuable to say. He asks what the biggest lesson is that she's learned. Felicity considers that, but they are interrupted by Meghan entering and asking what is going on. Sean asks if she wants to talk. Meghan turns him down and walks out, slamming the door. Sean asks Felicity what they were talking about. Felicity says it was lessons. Felicity says, "'Relationships are hard,' I think, is the biggest lesson. You're dating someone and you're just doing the best you can, um, and then all of a sudden, you know, this thing happens. Like, this tornado that just comes out of nowhere and it might not even be anyone's fault, you know? Or maybe...it had even been brewing for a while and neither of you knew it. Anyway, all of a sudden everything is just...ripped apart." Felicity concludes, "I guess sometimes the person you thought you'd be with for a long time, I don't know, sometimes you're wrong. Relationships are hard. They just are."

At Epstein Bar, Ben and Julie sit in a booth. Ben listens to the game on a transistor radio. Julie tries to talk to him, but he asks her to wait a second. Ben suddenly hits the table and says, "Dammit!" Julie asks how much he lost, and Ben says it wasn't much. She asks again, and he lies again. Sean shows up with the camera and Ben says he can't do it now, and he'll be back. He takes off. Sean sits down opposite Julie with the camera and asks what she thinks about Felicity and Noel. She ignores him, trying to see what Ben is up to. Ben is at the bar, telling Lynn that his team lost and asking if Barry would lend him some cash for another bet. Lynn tells Ben not to do that, and suggests that he go to the ATM. Ben says he really needs this bet. Lynn sarcastically asks if Ben is wiped clean, and Ben admits that he is. Lynn realizes that Ben isn't kidding. Sean is still trying to get Julie to talk about Felicity and Noel. Ben says he owes money for school, and that he has no money for food, and that he refuses to borrow money from Julie. Lynn tells Ben he shouldn't bet money unless he has some to spare, like, thanks for the personal finance lesson, Suze Orman. Ben says he just needs one more win and he'll be set. Lynn says it's not going to happen, and that he won't call Barry. Ben asks for the number so that he can call himself. Lynn won't give it up. Ben says he needs to get out of the hole, and Lynn says that's when you just get deeper. Lynn refuses to give Ben the number, so Ben says he'll find someone else to take his money. He walks back over to to the table and tells Julie he'll see her back at the loft. Julie tells him he's acting crazy. Lynn walks over and begs Ben not to do this. Ben angrily tells Lynn not to worry, because he'll be fine. Lynn says he does worry. Ben pushes Lynn away and the two guys get into a fistfight. Who wins? Don't know. That's the last we see of them this week.

DocuCam. Sean asks Meghan about her biggest fear, and she says it's that the interview will last longer than three minutes. Elena interviews that Hannah came back and Noel just ran off with her, and then Felicity slept with an art student, and Elena wondered if she even knew her friends. Elena sighs and says she might have done the same thing if she were Felicity. Sean asks Meghan what it's like to live with Felicity. Meghan responds, "It's like living with a TV that's always playing Little House on the Prairie only with more sweaters." Classic line. Richard interviews that he liked it better when Felicity and Noel were dating because he could use it as blackmail. Sean asks Meghan if she has an opinion about Felicity and Noel. Meghan says, "Yeah. First of all, no one could care less than me. Second of all, get over it, Noel! She slept with an artist! It doesn't matter." Aw, Meghan totally cares. Richard interviews that it's painful when the person you're dating takes off with someone else. He says it happened to him once at summer camp. Back to Meghan, who says she'll kill Noel if he asks her again if she's seen Felicity.

Noel interviews that he can move on, because he doesn't need Felicity in his life. Sean says that he needs a happy ending. Back to regular camera, as Sean folds up his camera and says that in the documentary that sold for tons of money, there was a happy ending. Noel asks if Sean wants him to change his life so there will be a happy ending in the movie. Sean asks, "Would you mind?" Noel is stunned, so Sean says that Noel and Felicity mean more to each other than they think, and that Noel should fight for the relationship. Sean adds, "And let me videotape it." Noel says it's over, because even if you forget for a second that they both did horrible things, Felicity never felt for Noel what he felt for her. I totally agree. Felicity might have talked herself into thinking she loved Noel, but she was really just fond of him and flattered by his attention, I think. Sean hooks up his camera to Noel's television and shows him the interview we saw earlier, where Felicity is all sad about their breakup. Except it goes on after she says that relationships are hard, and she starts crying and saying that you don't appreciate what you've got until it's gone. Noel smiles. He smiles at Felicity's pain. Nice. On the screen, Felicity says that she realizes that she loves him. Sean asks which "him" they are talking about, and Felicity says that it's Noel, of course. Noel looks thoughtful and flares his nostrils.

Felicity sits in the lounge, studying. Noel gets off the elevator and sees her. He walks over and sits down. Felicity says she thought he was going to see Conan. Noel says that he told Guy he couldn't go, so Guy invited a girl on the street. Noel says while they were walking to the subway, he had a vision of his life after college, when he wouldn't have the "amazing opportunity to live right down the hall from someone like [Felicity]." Noel clarifies that he doesn't mean someone like Felicity, he means Felicity. He says that he didn't just have feelings for her because she was a virgin. Wuh? What does that have to do with it? Noel says that if they can't figure out a way to get through it, then he underestimated their relationship. Felicity stares at him. Noel stares back, mouth agape, and then blurts, "I love you. I have since I met you. And I'm just sorry that it took all this for me to say it." Felicity smiles.

DocuCam. Richard interviews that he hopes Felicity and Noel get back together so that he can install his new surround sound system. Sean asks Julie if she thinks Felicity and Noel will get back together. Julie hopes so, because they make a cute couple. When is that a criterion for a good relationship past the tenth grade? Shut up, Julie. Guy interviews that he thinks Felicity and Noel have some sort of destined chemistry. Totally wrong there, Guy. Guy thinks it's a sign that they always have ridiculous fights and Noel's always stressed out about it. Darryl asks himself if Noel will forgive Felicity, and says, "If he does, then he's either more of a man than I am, or much less." Shut up, Darryl. Felicity and Noel sit for an interview together. Sean asks if they are together again. Noel says they don't know. Felicity says they'll see how things go. Sean asks if they could give each other a little kiss just for his happy ending. They both refuse. Sean says he needs it to get steamy so he can sell it, and they both get up and leave. Meghan concludes the episode by saying, "If they get back together, I'm going to throw up and I'm not kidding. I'm gonna vomit on this carpet. And you can videotape it." Meghan, I'm right there with you.