Felicity and Ben are working at Dean & Deluca. Well, Ben is working. Felicity is talking to someone on the phone and she's all, "You deserve it!" and "Congratulations!" She hangs up, and Ben comments that he should get half of her day's paycheck, like, how long was she on the phone, anyway? Felicity explains that Noel was chosen to be part of an exhibit in the graphics department. Ben says it's great, and Felicity agrees that it's a big deal. Ben says that she must have been right when she told Noel on the phone that he is talented, and I wonder if he was listening to the whole conversation or just that part. Javier walks in and tells Ben that if he refuses to wear a hat, he has to wear a hairnet, since the Health Inspector could be there any minute. Felicity laughs, and Javier asks to speak to her in the back. Ben is upset about having to wear a hairnet.
Felicity and Javier go in the back. Javier says he has two things to discuss with her. The first is that he's giving Felicity a raise. Felicity thanks him. Javier says that it's not a big deal because the raise was either going to go to Felicity or Consuela, and Consuela is "eighty-two years old [and] can't even carry the coffee box without falling over." Felicity doesn't even know who Consuela is, so Javier explains that she was just hired yesterday, and she's a friend of his mother's. Javier brings up the second thing, and tells Felicity she can say no, but she should keep in mind that he just gave her a raise. Javier tells Felicity he would appreciate it if she would marry him. Felicity is shocked and asks him to repeat himself. Javier does. Felicity can only say, "That's what I thought you said."
Felicity sits blah blah darkened room blah blah tape to Sallycakes. She explains how she always pictured her wedding; it's the usual cliché, which she admits. Then, Felicity explains how she didn't picture it: "Me and a short, balding, Spanish homosexual filling out papers in City Hall."
In the dorm lobby, Noel goes through some work for the show with some other random guy. Felicity gets out of the elevator and walks over. Noel explains what he's doing, and adds that his brother is coming for a visit; he just called from the airport. Noel's brother had something to talk to Noel about, and Noel thinks he might have proposed to his girlfriend. Maybe. If his girlfriend's name is John. Felicity uses the mention of a proposal to try to segue into the Javier situation, but Noel is too wrapped up in himself to listen. Noel thinks his brother -- who is a big-time graphic designer -- won't be impressed by the show. Felicity tries to shore up Noel's sagging self-esteem. Noel admits that he's never shown his brother any of his work. Felicity thought they were close. Noel says that they are, but that they haven't seen each other in almost a year because his brother has been so busy. Being gay. Oops, did I say that out loud?
Noel explains that he got into graphic design because of his brother. Felicity says, "Okay, if this is rude, you can tell me, but are we done with that topic now?" I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to say that sentence. Especially when Noel is talking. Felicity explains that she really needs to talk to Noel about something that happened. They're in his room now, by the way. I don't think I mentioned that location change, and I didn't want you to think they were having this conversation in the dorm lobby. Felicity sits down and says slowly that Javier asked her to marry him. Noel asks what Javier meant by that. Felicity says that Javier's visa is running out soon, and that if he doesn't marry someone, he'll be deported back to Spain. How many shows have used this storyline, and how often does it actually happen? You have to wonder about the reality ratio there. Noel asks whether Javier just figured this out. Felicity says that Javier would understand if she said no. Noel assumes that she will. When Felicity doesn't say anything, Noel asks if she's seriously thinking about this. Throughout this conversation, Noel seems very distracted and annoyed, and is, like, gathering up papers or something, like, would it kill him to take two seconds to listen to his girlfriend's problem? Felicity says that it wouldn't be a real marriage; it would just be on paper. Felicity thinks it would be cool to help someone out. Noel says it's not like volunteering at a food bank. Felicity agrees that she'll just forget about it.
There's a knock at Noel's door, and his brother Ryan walks in. They hug. Ryan comments on Noel's sideburns, like, that should have been the first clue that he's gay. Noel introduces Felicity, and Ryan says he feels like he knows her already, from hearing about her. They exchange pleasantries. Felicity says that she has a class, and has to go. Ryan suggests that they all go out for dinner tomorrow. Felicity agrees, and says she'll stop by when she gets back. She kisses Noel on the cheek and takes off.
Oh, dear. Julie is playing the ugliest guitar I've ever seen. It's like a blue and purple tie-dye pattern. Plus, it's Julie playing guitar, so that just adds to the ugliness factor. At least she's not singing. Yet. She's in the loft; Ben walks up and touches her on the arm and says he has to run. Julie asks if she sounded that bad. Yes! For the love of God, man. Tell the truth! Ben says that it sounds good, but he has to get to the pool. Julie asks, "Again?" Whatever, nagging wife. Ben says that he's fine, but he has to get to the pool to swim and clear his head. He gives Julie a kiss and leaves.
At the pool, people swim. Duh. Ben swims. Man, I wish Ben had stayed on the swim team, if only because it would have increased the number of scenes featuring Scott Speedman in a bathing suit. Yes, I am that shallow. Sue me. Some coach-looking dude tells Ben that he's in the wrong lane for the swim-team tryouts. Ben says he's just swimming, but looks intrigued. Ben gets out of the water and...I'm sorry, I need a moment. Okay, I'm back. Some shaggy dude named Lynn walks in and tells the coach that he's there. He's accompanied by a blonde chick. The coach apparently already knows Lynn, and is familiar with his slacker ways. Lynn complains about how early the swim team has to practice, saying that no other team has to practice that early, and the blonde chick snarks that he should go to bed earlier. Ben adds that the crew team practices just as early, like, who asked you? The blonde chick agrees, and the Lynn points out that the crew team doesn't have to jump in the freezing cold water. Ben agrees and leaves. Man, Lynn's cheesy high-school moustache was just ill advised. Meanwhile, whatever happened to the guy who played Lynn, Dash Mihok? He was on this show, then he dated Alanis Morrissette for a while, then he kind of dropped off the face of the earth. ["He had a tiny part in The Perfect Storm, but really, that just proves your point." -- Wing Chun] Eh, he always was the poor man's Donal Logue anyway.
Felicity waits for the subway. A train goes by and blows her hair back, a shot that was featured in the credits. FVO tells us that she decided to say no to Javier, because the only reason to get married is for love. At Dean & Deluca, Javier talks to someone on the phone and assures the person that he'll be okay. He hangs up. Felicity walks up and says his name, but Javier is all choked up. Felicity asks what's wrong, but Javier won't talk about it. After a pause, Javier explains that Samuel put in for a job transfer, but that his company won't send him to Spain. So, Samuel has to stay in New York, and Javier has to go to Spain. FVO says that she realized then that if she married Javier, it would be for love, and that Javier found his soulmate. Felicity tells Javier that he's not going back to Spain, because she's going to marry him. Javier turns, shocked. He starts thanking her and kissing her hand. Well, first he accidentally kisses her coat and then kisses her hand, telling her that she's an "angel straight from heaven." Javier says that they have to meet with a lawyer and sign the papers. He'll get his visa in six months, and then after a year, they have to meet with the immigration officer. Felicity seems surprised that they'll have to stay married for a year. Javier says at that point, he'll get a temporary green card. Javier takes off to call Samuel and his mother, and Felicity is left with a look on her face like, "What in the hell did I just agree to?"
Noel and Ryan get a table at Epstein Bar. Actually, did it have a different name in the first season? Whatever. You know what I mean. They both order beers, and the waitress asks Noel for ID. Noel tries the old "I left my wallet at home" trick. Ryan interrupts and says that Noel is actually Ryan's older brother but has great skin. They reminisce about fake IDs of ages past. After a pause, Ryan says that there's something he wanted to talk to Noel about. Noel thinks it's about Amy, Ryan's girlfriend, but Ryan says that they broke up a year ago. The waitress brings their beers, and once she leaves, Ryan says, "Turns out, I'm gay." It was a very Christian Slater line delivery there. Noel refuses to believe it, like, why would he lie about that? Ryan says he knows Noel is upset. Noel looks terrified, and then says that he's not upset; he's just surprised. Noel processes this, and then says that it's okay. Well, good thing Ryan got your permission to be gay. Ryan asks what Noel is thinking. Noel isn't sure. They sit there in an awkward silence.
Late that night, Noel and Felicity discuss the issue in Noel's room. By the way? Still unrealistic that these two haven't had sex yet. Noel thinks that Ryan may be going through a phase, or be experimenting. Felicity says it sounds like Ryan is pretty sure. Noel says that in high school, Ryan was the "king of studs," and that he was the same way in college. Noel explains how great his girlfriend Amy was, and that any guy would kill to go out with her. Felicity is silent, letting Noel realize what he just said. Noel says it has to be a phase, because people don't change that much overnight. Noel realizes that he never even told Ryan about the exhibition. Felicity suggests that Noel tell him at dinner. Noel doesn't think Ryan will want to go after the way Noel reacted. Noel apologizes and asks how Javier took Felicity's news. Felicity admits that she told Javier she would marry him. Noel says, "Wow, it just keeps getting better." Okay, I admit that Felicity marrying Javier is a dumb idea, but it really has nothing to do with her relationship with Noel. In conclusion, get over yourself, Noel.
The camera pans up a leg to reveal Meghan giving herself a fake tattoo on her thigh. There's a knock at the door, and Javier walks in, looking for Felicity. Meghan crabs at him. Javier introduces himself as Felicity's fiancé and then comments favorably on Meghan's clothes and jewelry. Meghan wants to go back to the fiancé part. Felicity walks in. Meghan asks how much Javier is paying Felicity to become his beard. They both protest, and Felicity explains about the green card thing. Meghan is surprised. Felicity tells her more about the situation, and Meghan thinks that it's great, and asks if Javier is buying Felicity a car. Meghan explains that it happened to her friend. Felicity says that Javier isn't buying her a car. Javier asks if he's supposed to, and Felicity tells him he doesn't have to. Javier says that his lawyer said they have to make the engagement look real and pulls out a ring box. He holds it open and tells her to take it, then claps the box shut on her hand, explaining that he saw that on Pretty Woman. Aw. I would marry Javier. Felicity giggles.
Ben is getting his mail when Lynn and his girlfriend walk up, kissing and playing grab-ass. The girl sees Ben and asks if he's trying out for the team. Ben says he's thinking about it. The girl asks what event, and Ben says that his best is the 100m freestyle. The girl says that's Lynn's event. Lynn walks over and says that he knows Ben, and not from the pool. Lynn is wearing the ugliest bucket hat ever. It's like a combo bucket hat and Cat in the Hat hat. And it's gray. I don't know. Lynn thinks he knows Ben from high school. Ben says that's not it. The girl introduces herself as Nicole. Lynn insists that they've met, because he never forgets a face. Lynn has a theory that everyone does three things better than anyone else. Lynn never forgets a face, he's "the bomb parallel-parker," and he makes the best Harvey Wallbanger in the city. Probably because no one else makes Harvey Wallbangers, because anyone who might want to drink one died in 1974. Ben tells Lynn that he's a talented guy. Lynn invites Ben to Epstein Bar. Ah, so it is called that. Mystery solved. Ben agrees to go and then says that it's too bad that he doesn't have a car, or Lynn could parallel-park it for him. Heh. Lynn laughs and takes off with Nicole.
Javier knocks on the bathroom door at Dean & Deluca. Felicity comes out and Javier tells her she looks nice. Javier says that the lawyer is on her way; he asks Felicity if she knows what to do. Felicity says that she has to pretend she's his fiancée, and holds up her hand to show off her ring. Javier says that the attorney could refuse to sign the papers if she doesn't believe they're in love. Felicity asks if the lawyer will buy it. Javier is sure she will. Felicity says that Javier doesn't "seem...exactly straight." Javier squeals, "Me?" Felicity says she didn't mean it in a bad way, and Javier says he's not offended, and that he'll talk about football. Javier gets a phone call from Samuel. It's a very cute conversation that seems to give Felicity confidence that she's doing the right thing. Javier hangs up and says, "Such a dreamboat." Aw. Too bad they broke up with no explanation, really.
Noel sits in the cafeteria and Ryan walks up and asks if he can join him. Noel says he's been calling Ryan all day. Ryan says he got the messages and was glad to hear from him. Noel apologizes for the way he acted, and says he wasn't expecting it. Awkward pause. Really long awkward pause. Noel explains about the graphic exhibit, and invites Ryan to go. Ryan would love to go. Awkward pause. Noel says that he really liked Amy, which may help to further explain the way he acted. Ryan says that breaking up with Amy and telling her the truth was the hardest thing he's ever done, because he really loves her. Noel is sorry for him, and suggests that they might get back together some day. Is Noel even paying attention here? Ryan's gay. He likes boys. Not girls. Ryan explains that he's involved with a guy named Alex, who is really great. He wants Noel to meet Alex, and would love to bring him to dinner. Noel looks really uncomfortable, but says he's sure he will like him.
Felicity and Javier meet with the lawyer. Felicity shows off her ring. The lawyer asks if they can get started. Ben comes over wearing a hairnet, obviously thinking that the lawyer is a health inspector. He points out his hairnet and says that he wears it every day, but she doesn't care. Ben realizes that she's not the health inspector, so he rips off his hairnet and walks away. The lawyer asks how they met. Felicity starts to explain how she got the job at Dean & Deluca. The lawyer clarifies that she wants to know how they became romantically involved. Felicity says that it just "kind of happened," and further explains that she was at the register one day and looked up and saw Javier and "you know how it is." The lawyer supplies, "You felt attracted to him," and Felicity agrees, "Very." The lawyer asks Javier if he felt the same way. Javier says he couldn't believe it. The lawyer deadpans, "No, I bet you couldn't." She writes something down and Felicity busts out the fact that Javier loves football. Javier starts going on and on about football, which only serves to make it obvious that he knows nothing about the subject. Felicity looks uncomfortable as she realizes that it's not working. The lawyer asks Javier and Felicity if they understand what they're getting into. Javier says he does. The lawyer says that as the petitioner, Felicity assumes all responsibility for the marriage, and anything that happens to Javier. The lawyer says that Felicity needs to be able to prove that she can support Javier if he loses his job. Javier says that Felicity just got her first raise, so that won't be a problem, and he stiffly puts his arm around Felicity. The lawyer is yelling now, for some reason, and says that once the papers are filed, the matter falls under INS jurisdiction, and if the marriage is found to be entered under false pretenses, Felicity could be in serious trouble. Felicity asks what that means, adding that she's just curious. The lawyer says that Javier could be quarantined from the country, and Felicity could face severe fines and a possible prison sentence. Felicity looks shocked. I remember on first viewing, I was annoyed that Felicity didn't think a green-card marriage was a big deal until the lawyer told her. It still annoys me.
Felicity walks into the back room to find Javier drinking a shot of liquor. He sees her enter and says, "Well, that went well." He offers her a drink, but she refuses and asks if he really thinks it went well. Javier is sure that the lawyer bought it: "Hook, line, and fish." He pours himself another shot. Felicity says she felt like she was on trial, and asks if people really go to prison for this. Javier says that he's never heard of that happening, and downs the shot. Felicity says she'd feel a lot better if he would stop drinking. Javier says he understands if she doesn't want to go through with it now. Felicity says it's not that, and points out that Javier doesn't have a lot of options. Javier says that she should sleep on her decision anyway. Felicity agrees. Javier tries to joke that it would be expensive to support him, but Felicity just looks worried and leaves. Javier downs another shot.
Ben practices for the swim team. Cut to Epstein Bar, where Ben and Julie sit at the bar and drink beer. Julie asks if all the people in the bar are trying out for the swim team. Ben says they are. Julie asks if he's definitely not. Ben says he isn't, and says he likes swimming on his own because you don't have to deal with coaches and practices and stuff. Nicole walks in and greets Ben, who introduces her to Julie. Lynn is working as the bartender and he says he remembers how he knows Ben -- the track team. Ben says he's not on the track team. Lynn says that he has a friend who is, and he knows Ben tried out for the team and didn't make it. Ben sadly confirms this. Lynn tells Ben he should try the intramural team. What an asshole. Ben says that he's trying out for the actual swim team. Lynn says he didn't know and offers them a drink. Ben walks away. Julie grabs her scarf to follow. Lynn wishes Ben luck and Ben returns the favor.
Noel, Felicity, Ryan, and Alex go out to dinner. Alex samples the wine, which I guess is supposed to be a sign of his gayness. Ryan looks like mini-David Boreanaz, I just noticed. Ryan asks how long Felicity and Noel have been together. Felicity says it's been three months, and asks about Ryan and Alex. Alex says they've been together for ten months. Felicity comments that it's almost a year. Ryan says that their one-year anniversary is in April, and they're going to celebrate with a commitment ceremony. Noel asks if that's like a party. Ryan says it's more like a wedding. Felicity smiles and nods. Noel says he's confused. Ryan explains that the law doesn't recognize gay marriage. Noel says he doesn't understand Ryan arriving in New York, announcing that he's gay and announcing that he's getting married, and that it's all happening a bit too fast. Noel points out that Ryan was with Amy for four years. Ryan says that it seems fast to Noel because he's finding out this information all at once, and Ryan's sorry for that. Noel says Ryan was supposed to be one of the closest people in the world to him, and he never trusted Noel with this information. Alex says it's not about trust. Noel snaps at him, and Ryan tells Noel not to talk to Alex that way. Noel asks what Ryan thinks their parents will say. Ryan says he was going to ask for Noel's support when he told them, and that he doesn't know what he was thinking when he thought that Noel would support him for once. Ryan leaves the table, and Noel does too. Felicity and Alex are left there alone. Felicity says, "I'm going to marry a gay guy too." Hee! My biggest problem with Noel's reaction in this storyline is that he's an RA at a major metropolitan university. I have to imagine that he's not only been exposed to gay issues before, but that he's been trained in how to handle them. I know it's his big brother and all, but he has to know that his actions aren't really appropriate.
Felicity runs into Dean & Deluca and tells Javier that she's thought about it, and the most important thing is that he needs to be with the person he loves. Javier says that he knows, so the marriage is off. Felicity is confused. Javier says that Samuel said that he doesn't want Javier marrying anyone else, no matter the reason. Felicity asks what he's going to do, and Javier says nothing. Felicity points out that Javier will have to leave. Javier says that Samuel gave his boss an ultimatum, and he's being transferred to Spain. Felicity realizes that Samuel and Javier can be together, and comments that it's so romantic. Javier says he knows, and it's like "one of those Harlequin romances, my hair flowing on the cover, very nice."
Ben walks into the loft and folds some clothes. Julie comments that she couldn't believe Lynn at the bar. Ben says he hates guys like that. Julie asks if she wants him to come to the swim-team tryout. Ben says it's not a big deal. Julie doesn't believe him, because it obviously means a lot to him. Ben says that he wants to make the team. Julie says she never told him about the failed track-team tryout. Ben says he didn't tell anyone. Ben explains that everyone has a thing that they're good at. If he made the team, he wouldn't be the best, but he'd be a part of something and doing something he was good at, and he really wants that. Julie softly says that she thinks he's good at a lot of things. Ben smiles and says that swimming is the thing that matters right now. Julie hopes he makes the team, and he thanks her. He grabs his bag and kisses her goodbye.
Noel rushes out of his room. Javier shows up bearing a giant gift basket and asks how Noel is. Noel says that he's crazed and insane. Javier asks if Felicity is there. Noel says that he hasn't seen her all morning. Javier asks if he can leave the basket in Noel's room. Noel asks if it's a gift for the wedding. Javier says they're not getting married anymore, but that it's a small token of his gratitude. Javier says that Felicity is the most generous and loving person he's ever met; he loves that she's a romantic. Noel agrees. Javier explains that Felicity was willing to risk a prison sentence for Samuel and him, and that a lot of people would disapprove of their relationship. But Felicity believes in love. Javier thanks Noel for supporting the people he loves. Noel realizes that he hasn't been doing that.
Ben tries out for the swim team. Julie shows up to watch. This is really nice to watch, with the swimsuits and all, but pretty boring to try to describe. Ben and Lynn both make the team. Ben looks funny in that little rubber cap. Ben sees Julie watching and smiles at her.
At the exhibit, Noel explains his graphics to some woman who doesn't care. Felicity walks in, and Noel excuses himself to go talk to her. The woman runs away. Heh. Not really. Noel says that he spoke to Javier. Felicity says that Noel was right, and that she should have thought it through a little more, because the idea of marrying Javier was stupid. Noel says that it was very sweet, and "very Felicity, which [he loves]." Felicity smiles. Noel says he thinks he should call his brother at the hotel, because he doesn't want to leave things the way they are. Noel gives Felicity a kiss and heads to the pay phone.
Noel fishes for some change to make the call, but stops when he sees Ryan down the hall at the drinking fountain. Ryan says he was about to come find Noel, and Noel says he was about to call him. Ryan says Noel was a real jerk to Alex, and Noel apologizes. Noel says that the whole thing has thrown him, and it's a big deal. Ryan knows this. Ryan says that, until this, he never thought that being honest could cause him to lose his family. Noel says that will never happen. The brothers walk off together.
"Baby, It's You" by The Shirelles plays on the soundtrack. It's Javier's goodbye party at Dean & Deluca. Felicity and Noel have drinks with Samuel. I guess it's supposed to be Samuel; I don't think it's the same actor who played him in later seasons. Javier hugs Ben. Felicity asks if he's leaving. Javier nods yes. Felicity hands him the ring back, but Javier tells her to keep it. Felicity protests. Javier says that it won't fit Samuel, and he wants her to have it. Felicity gives him a big hug. Noel watches and smiles. Sally's voice-over starts, "Dear Felicity. As crazy as it is, I probably would have done the same thing. I would have offered to marry Javier, too." Javier and Samuel pause at the door to wave goodbye. SVO continues, "Your tape reminded me of something I hadn't thought of in a long time. Love is complicated, full of sacrifice and compromise. But maybe that's the best part." Javier waves goodbye and walks out to get in a cab, leaving Felicity and Noel standing there watching. SVO says, "When you see someone in love, you want to do whatever you can for them, because the truth is, you want to be them." The camera ends up staying on Felicity and Noel standing together.