Felicity is, as usual, talking to Sally on her tape recorder. She tells Sally that "[she's] probably making too big a deal out of this," but that tonight is her "first official college party." I remember my first official college party. It was a lot like my first high school party -- a bunch of people standing around a keg holding plastic cups and pretending that they weren't looking to hook up when they totally were. And then most people got really drunk, and someone fell down, and someone broke something, and some freshman girl started crying over some guy and then everyone left to get pizza.
Knoll leads a floor meeting, opening it up to discussion. Some guy stands up and says that the party needs a band. How unrealistic is it that they're holding a party in their freshman dorm that seems to be somewhat authorized by the university? Anyway, the guy wants a band, but Knoll tells him they can't afford it and will use CDs and tapes. This is important later. As Knoll asks whether anyone has access to a good sound system, a cell phone rings. The camera pans over to reveal a very tall, very blonde woman with an Eastern European or Russian accent. She talks like Natasha from Rocky and Bullwinkle, so that's what I'm going to call her. Natasha offers to handle the entire party, adding that she has cousins who would kill for her. Heh. Who knew she meant literally? Anyway, she tells Knoll that he will meet Yuri, and Yuri will take care of everything.
Julie and Felicity enter Felicity's dorm room in mid-conversation. Something about hearing that at this party last year, three people showed up naked. Is this supposed to be shocking? Felicity and Julie agree that they both plan to wear clothes as they remove their coats and sit on the floor. Felicity says that she went by Julie's room last night and that she wasn't there. Julie claims that she went to a place called "Lucky Strike." Felicity's all, "With who?" like, what is she, Julie's jailer? Julie says that she went with some chick named Astrid, but she looks uncomfortable, so she probably was with Ben. Felicity reveals that she wants to invite Ben to the party, and wanted to clear that with Julie first. Julie says that Felicity should do that, and claims that it doesn't bother her at all. Felicity seems appeased, and asks whether their first college party is a big deal. Julie agrees that it is, adding, "You know how older people are always saying, 'I'll never forget my first college party'?" Okay, no one has ever said that. Ever. I know I talked about mine above, but I really just made that up. It was a composite of every college party I ever attended, because they are all pretty much the same. ["I was too busy studying to go to any parties. University is not about parties, people! Also I was seventeen when I started my undergrad and the drinking age was nineteen and I couldn't get into any good parties." -- Wing Chun] Felicity checks again to make sure that Julie is okay with Felicity's asking Ben to the party, and Julie once again claims that she is, but you can tell that she's totally not.
Felicity tells Sally again what a big deal this is, and then lays out a scenario for her. Ben shows up, and they see each other from across the party, and he comes over and they talk about class. Each likes the way the other looks and then dance together for hours to the point of exhaustion. They're ready to pass out, and the party is on Felicity's floor, so she invites Ben to her room. Felicity practices different ways to say, "You want to go to my room?" and adds that Meghan is out of town. They go to Felicity's room and sit on her bed and talk. She's going to all this trouble to plan out this scenario, and then she just wants to talk to him? The sad thing is that I was so like Felicity at this age -- always plotting out these elaborate fantasies of how things were going to go, including what I would say and what he would say, and then it never, ever turns out that way, which is sometimes good, but usually not. Sigh. Felicity concludes the scene by saying that she already missed her first opportunity to invite Ben to the party.
Flashback to said missed opportunity. Felicity sees Ben looking at something posted on a bulletin board; he looks disappointed. Turns out that he signed up for a language class but he got Drama instead. He asks Felicity if she got the classes she wanted. Felicity says she got "Inorganic Chemistry," and Ben can't believe she would be happy to get into such a class. Felicity starts to explain about the teacher, and that he wrote her high-school textbooks. She realizes she's babbling and shuts up. Ben asks why she didn't go to Lucky Strike last night. Felicity looks surprised -- since Julie didn't tell her Ben was there, too -- and Ben tells Felicity that she should have gone, and that he hopes that maybe she will time. Ben departs. Felicity tells Sally that she had the perfect opportunity to say, "Yeah, time...this Friday?" but she's incapable of social interaction.
Julie talks to Marissa Ribisi (who you may remember as the weird frizzy-haired girl on the show who was not Keri Russell, and according to the credits, she is Astrid, who went to Lucky Strike with Julie, but that was never made clear in this scene.) Marissa thinks that Q comes too early in the alphabet, but Julie doesn't hear her. By the way, I totally agree on the Q issue -- it should be near XYZ. Ben sits down at Julie's table and says that he doesn't want to bug her (and reveals that she hasn't been returning his calls), but he wanted to know if she'd like to go see a band with him on Friday night. Julie explains about the dorm party, saying that she can't go with him. Ben says, "You're never going out with me again, are you?" Marissa Ribisi purses her lips at them. Julie doesn't answer the question, saying that she has to get to class.
Felicity walks down the street in slow motion, and enters a classroom building. FVO tells us that she feels really good about sticking with pre-med. That won't last long. It's time for her first class with the textbook writer guy and FVO tells us how she idolized this professor for years. Felicity talks to Dr. Textbook Author to tell him that she couldn't find the book anywhere, and asks whether she'll be able to follow what they are doing without the book. He says it's called required reading because it's not optional. Ah, crusty professor types. I aspire to be one myself someday. Felicity says again that she couldn't find the book anywhere, and Dr. Textbook Author asks the class members to raise a hand if they couldn't find the book. No one does. Someone even coughs nervously to illustrate how much trouble Felicity is in. Dr. Textbook Author dismisses Felicity.
Ben is in Drama class, where the professor is blathering about communication and motivation. He wants the students to bring in an object that is meaningful to them. Some suck-up raises his hand and asks whether this is a particular type of exercise. Sorry, I know nothing about drama, so I can't tell you what type he said. The professor chuckles knowingly and Ben's all, "Jigga who?" The professor says they will need to describe the object and then relate its meaning. As class ends, Ben walks up to talk to the professor. Holy shit, the professor is Richie Aprile! Ben explains that he meant to take Russian and ended up in Drama. The professor explains that it's a Communications elective, so it will fulfill the requirement. ["In what universe is Drama a Communications course? The University of New York doesn't put it in Fine Arts? Whatever." -- Wing Chun] Ben says that he can't take Drama, and the professor says that he is dropping the course. Ben explains that as soon as there is an opening in Russian, he will transfer over. I can't believe that in all the realm of Communications, there is not one super-easy course that Ben could take to fulfill this elective, and I say that as someone with a Communications minor. I mean, there's got to be something about film, or television, or advertising that would be fairly easy. Public speaking, for God's sack! The professor hopes that Ben gets into the Russian class, but while he's in the Drama class, he needs to participate. Ben hopes that doesn't mean he needs to get up in front of the class, and the professor says it does. He reminds Ben to bring a "hot object" to the class. Hey, that's the episode title. Suddenly, this show turned into Sopranos. That, plus that Richie Aprile thing, plus Natasha and her Russian mafia are starting to give me pause.
In the cafeteria, Ben piles food onto his plate as Felicity watches. She walks over and greets him, and then awkwardly asks him to come to the dorm party, but she makes it out like she's just spreading the word instead of inviting him personally. Ben says that Julie told him about it. Felicity's face falls, and Ben bids her goodbye. Felicity smiles as she watches him leave (and who wouldn't?) but then bites her lip and looks thoughtful.
In the mailroom, Julie is telling Felicity some story about her roommate, but Felicity isn't really listening. Finally, Felicity works up the nerve to ask Julie about inviting Ben to the party. Julie says lightly (too lightly) that she and Ben are just friends, and that she doesn't think there's anything to talk about. Felicity doesn't want there to be any resentment between them. Julie doesn't either, and tells Felicity not to worry about Julie and Ben. Felicity should make like George Costanza and just do the opposite of everything Julie says. It would save her a lot of future angst.
Cut to Julie telling Knoll about her Ben problems. Knoll can't believe that Julie likes Ben too, and asks whether everyone likes Ben. Yes, Knoll, everyone does. Learn it, live it, love it. Julie ignores him (good policy) and says that Ben really likes her, and that Felicity is so excited about hanging out with Ben at the party. But Ben wants to hang out with Julie at the party, which would kill Felicity. Knoll tells her that the simple solution is not to hang out with Ben at the party. Julie knows it, but she really wants to, so maybe she'll tell Felicity that Ben keeps asking her out. Knoll advises her not to, because it will seem like she's asking Felicity's permission to start dating Ben and that's not what's best. Julie agrees; she then declares that this talk didn't help at all, and asks Knoll not to tell Felicity that they spoke. Apparently, Felicity didn't want Knoll to know she likes Ben. Knoll says that he already knew. Aw, remember when you kind of felt sorry for Knoll in a lovable loser kind of way before he became an asshole? Oh, I promised to lighten up on the "remember when" crap, didn't I?
Some girl talks about her hot object in drama class. Prof. Aprile gives her instructions. The girl is describing a program from a play she did in ninth grade, and tells a story about how her unemotional brother gave her back the program with an inscription. She's all crying, and the whole class is totally into it, except Ben, who is bored and chuckling at it all. The girl finishes up and everyone applauds. Prof. Aprile calls on Ben , of course, because there's a law of television that if only one major character is in a class, that person will be called on . Ben walks up front and sits down. First, Ben is supposed to describe his item objectively. He pulls out a sandwich. What is he, Joey Tribbiani? The girls in the class giggle as Ben explains his sandwich. Prof. Aprile asks dejectedly why the object is important, and Ben says he loves sandwiches as he takes a bite. The class laughs and applauds.
Knoll catches up to Felicity in the hall and asks whether she has any requests for the party. Felicity asks for a copy of Dr. Textbook Author's book, explaining that she's been combing the city looking for it. Even in 1998, you'd think she could find a copy on the internet. You'd think Knoll could help her. Knoll tries to buck her up and asks again about special requests for the party. Felicity says that she likes chocolate, and Knoll promises to get some for her. He tries to make a joke but it falls flat, as usual. Felicity smiles anyway.
In class, Dr. Textbook Author blathers about chemistry and concludes his lecture. Felicity approaches Dr. Textbook Author and tells him that she went to the library and photocopied the pages she needed, and that her book should be there Monday. I'm not sure why she thinks he cares. At all. Dr. Textbook Author tells her as much, using lots of sarcasm. Felicity is confused, and Dr. Textbook Author belittles her some more.
Knoll meets with Natasha and Yuri about the party. Yuri keeps piling on accessories for the party, such as disco lights, and Knoll nervously tells him that there is no budget for the party. Yuri has no worry. See, that kind of rhymed. Yuri asks Knoll whether he has a beeper, and both Yuri and Natasha are amazed that Knoll does not. Yuri starts talking in a foreign language and promises to get Knoll a beeper. Yuri starts to leave, but Knoll stops him and says that there is one more thing. Yuri guesses that Knoll wants girls, but Knoll actually wants chocolate. Heh.
Felicity sits on a bench outside an office and stares into space. Ben sits down to her, and she greets him. He asks about her Chemistry class. Felicity says that it's a crisis because her teacher hates her. Ben is sure the teacher doesn't hate her. Felicity says that he does, and asks about Ben's Drama class. Ben says it's "a bit of a disaster," so he's going to take an "incomplete." Felicity asks about the assignment, and Ben tells her about the hot object. Felicity says that she doesn't know what she'd bring in, and then decides on her necklace, which belonged to her grandmother. Felicity says that objects aren't important to her -- being in New York is important. Ben looks impressed or touched or something and asks about the party, saying that he'll be there. Felicity looks happy and watches him walk away.
Felicity tells Sally that, after listening to this tape, she has to erase it, due to its delicate subject matter. Felicity haltingly says that she "can actually picture...what it might be like...to be with a man...for the first time...sexually." She tells Sally she wouldn't blame her for laughing. Oh, I know how this turns out, and it's hard to watch.
Prof. Aprile is telling the class that although Ben was "a huge success with his exploration of the sandwich," he is going to give the exercise another try. As Ben heads up to the front of the class, he tries to worm out of the assignment, claiming that he's uncomfortable. Prof. Aprile tells Ben that the exercise isn't graded, but that if he doesn't participate, he gets an incomplete. Ben sighs and heads to the front of the room. He pulls out a set of keys, and the students all laugh, expecting big sandwich-type jokes. Ben says it's "a smooth, hard, round loop connecting three shiny, sharp, metal..." Prof. Aprile interrupts to tell Ben not to say "metal." See, this is why I could never take a drama class. Why can't he say "metal"? Ben sighs and continues his description. After he finishes, Prof. Aprile tells him to explain why the keys have meaning. Ben starts, and then tries to duck out, but Prof. Aprile is having none of it. Ben explains that he doesn't get along with his father, and that his mother is incredible and beautiful, but that she doesn't get along with his father either. His mother gets sad and upset, and cries a lot. Ben has seen pictures of his parents before he came along, and they look happy, so it wasn't always bad. Ben says that the keys mean that he's not home anymore, which is great for him, and that he's subletting from Sean, a frustrated entrepreneur. Ben lives with three other guys (he does?), and it's cool to have a big place where he actually wants to hang out. But more than anything, the keys mean that he's not causing anything at home, and that he and his dad don't have to deal with each other, and so his mom isn't so sad, he hopes. So it's better for everyone that he has the keys. The class is silent, regarding Ben. Prof. Aprile nods and Ben walks off. That monologue sounds so much like an audition piece. I wonder if anyone has ever used that in an audition. Regardless, Scott Speedman did a nice job with it.
Felicity enters her dorm, carrying a bag from Bloomingdales. In her room, she holds a dress up in front of the mirror. Meghan enters and asks whether Felicity bought the dress for the party tonight. Felicity says that she did. Meghan asks if she's going to the party with her "little friend Julie." Felicity says, "My little friend?" Meghan starts stuffing things into her bag and adds, "Julie and her Tiger Beat boyfriend?" Felicity says that Julie doesn't have a boyfriend. Meghan asks whether Ben is invisible. Felicity says that Ben isn't Julie's boyfriend. Meghan says that he is, and that she always sees them together. Felicity says that Julie says there's nothing going on there. Meghan says she must have hit a nerve, and tells Felicity to watch them the time they are together -- that Ben gets close and Julie laughs at his jokes, which is proof to Meghan that they are "couch-dancing." Felicity looks upset.
Some disco lights do what they do (disco? Swirl?) as music plays. Natasha dances around and drinks out of a plastic cup as a bunch of thugs just stand around and smoke. There is a ton of food everywhere. Knoll enters the room, pronounces the setup "very tasteful," and wonders where the party-goes are. Natasha dances off. Wait, this is the dorm party? Why is Knoll wearing a sports coat? I don't know where these people went to college, but clearly it was on the planet Neptune.
Felicity stands in front of the mirror in her room wearing her new dress and sneakers. You may recognize this sequence from the opening credits. She tells Sally that it's minutes before her first party, and on the tape, she'll tell Sally how it turned out. Felicity pops out the tape and puts it on her dresser. Before she can address it, there is a knock at the door. It's Knoll, who is amazed at how good Felicity looks. Felicity compliments Knoll back. Natasha barges in and asks whether Felicity has any good music they can play. Felicity waves her in the direction of her music. Knoll stammers and stutters as Natasha barges out, her hands full of tapes. Knoll says that he wants to get on line to dance with Felicity now, and Felicity says she would love to dance with him. Knoll comments, "That went exactly how it was supposed to." See what they did there? Knoll is just like Felicity in that he plans out interactions in his head. Knoll walks off, and Felicity shuts her door.
Suddenly, there are tons of people at the party. Marissa Ribisi is talking about words that you never hear once you are out of high school: tardy, hall pass, hall monitor. I would watch a whole show about her character. On a sofa, some people from Ben's drama class compliment each other's eyes. Felicity enters the party and grabs some food. Yuri pops in a new tape. Knoll comes over and hands Felicity a drink, saying he doesn't know what it is. I'm so sure that this dorm-sponsored party for freshman and sophomores would include alcohol. Felicity notices Ben entering the party. She sees him talking to Julie, and leaning over to whisper in her ear. Julie laughs at whatever he is saying. Felicity stares at them. Ben walks off and Julie follows. Natasha comes up and drags Knoll away because some guy is getting sick. Julie walks up and asks Felicity what's going on. Felicity says she feels like she can't trust Julie, and that there's something weird going on with Ben. Felicity concludes that she feels like Julie is lying to her, and that she doesn't like how that feels. Julie snippily says that she doesn't like how it feels either, and reveals that she has been turning Ben down to try to protect Felicity's feelings, but that she's sick of it. Julie stomps off. Felicity looks sick.
Yuri pops in another tape. That guy from the first scene is still complaining about the lack of a band, like shut up, guy from the first scene. Felicity tries to pull Knoll aside to talk to him, but he needs to go to the emergency room with some guy who's having an allergic reaction to the chocolate.
Some chick leaning against the wall asks Felicity what's wrong. Hey, it's Elena! Felicity says she's had a tough day, and Elena says she hates these parties, because of the insecurities and judgment. Elena introduces herself. Felicity starts to make small talk when Yuri changes the tape again, and as everyone in a thirty-mile radius predicted, it's Felicity's tape to Sally. Of course, it's cued right up to the spot where she talks about sex. The entire party goes silent, and Felicity screams for someone to turn the tape off. Felicity tries to get to the tape player, but she doesn't get there until after the "if you're laughing at me right now, I don't blame you" part. She turns and realizes that everyone is staring at her in silence. She walks out of the party with the small scrap of dignity that she can muster, right past Julie. Oh, that is hard to watch.
Felicity busts into her dorm room, glad to be away from all the prying eyes. The only problem is that there's some couple in her room. It's actually the couple from Ben's drama class with the pretty eyes. Felicity emotionally says, "Who are you?" The guy says that they are just making out. Felicity, half-crying, asks them to leave, and they do. The song playing at the party is "Brass in Pocket" by the Pretenders, if you wondered. The guy comes back in to get his jacket, and Felicity throws it at him. Felicity sits in the dark, and Julie walks in. Julie says what she said before came out all wrong. Felicity asks Julie to leave her alone. Felicity sits in the dark again as Chrissie Hynde sings, "I'm special, so special."
The morning, Felicity gets dressed and goes to the store. She stands in front of a cooler and stares at the different varieties of Ben & Jerry's ice cream before selecting one (it looks like Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough to me), and picking a spoon off the rack and walking in slow motion to the checkout. Felicity pauses when she sees Dr. Textbook Author standing at the counter. She walks up and asks him what she did to make him hate her. He seems confused. Felicity asks if it has to do with the books or something in her record. Dr. Textbook Author says that he's been a professor for a long time, and doesn't need a teacher's pet. Felicity says that wasn't her intention, and Dr. Textbook Author tells her that she'll do fine, and that they don't have to like each other for her to learn something. Dr. Textbook Author picks up his groceries and leaves.
Felicity walks down the dorm hallway and Knoll calls out to her. He says that he heard about the party, but Felicity doesn't want to talk about it. Felicity thanks him for the chocolate, and Knoll says that they'll take a rain check on the dance. Felicity smiles.
Felicity is lying in bed, to the now-empty carton of ice cream, when there is a knock at the door. Ben pokes his head in and apologizes for waking her. She invites him in and surreptitiously tries to hide the ice cream. He sits on her bed and says that people had a good time at the party. Felicity asks whether he heard her tape. Ben says that he didn't really. Felicity says that he did, and Ben sighs. Felicity asks how the acting assignment went. Ben says that he should thank her, because she sort of helped him out with that. He's still whispering even though she's awake now. Ben says that he's still dropping the class, and now he has a favor to ask. He left his keys in his Drama classroom and none of his roommates are home, so he asks to crash in Felicity's room. Wait, wasn't the Drama class at least the day before? Felicity tells him that he can sleep in Meghan's bed because she's never there at night. Ben thanks her and says he's going to pass out. Felicity says that she is, too. Felicity snuggles thoughtfully into her pillow.
Sally writes back, and we hear her tape as we pan over the destruction left from the party. Sally says, "Okay, brace yourself. A guy asked me out. He's a teacher at the elementary school. His name is Emmett, for God's sakes. But I said no, for now." Now we see Felicity sleeping in her bed; then she sits up and sees Ben sleeping in Meghan's bed. Sally continues, "I'm still not ready to move past John. It's sort of like what you were saying in your last tape about how on the one hand, expectations can inspire you, but then again, they can really let you down. I'm just not ready to be let down quite yet." Felicity is out of bed and walks over to where Ben is sleeping. Sally goes on, "But you know me. I still have hope that one day, maybe even pretty soon, I'll take a chance again, in the horrible face of expectation, and maybe it'll be worth it." Felicity stares at Ben's slumbering face, bathed in sunlight, and we fade out.