Hi, Le Parker Meridien in the morning. Hi, Reco trimming his tiny mustache with a tiny pair of clippers. He interviews that Lidia should have gone home instead of cute Andrew, though I'm only guessing that he, too, found Andrew to be the official Show Cutie. He says that Lidia's craftsmanship was the "absolute foo." Watch it there, Reco. You're about to become my favorite. Then, he says that Andrew was the only cute thing to look at on the runway. Does that make me and Reco soulmates? I said the same exact thing last week! It's pretty damn true, though, so it's not like it has to be telepathic.
At the workroom, Kelly and Isaac greet the designers. It's time for the Harper's Bazaar Mini Challenge and another appearance from the increasingly useless Laura Brown. Isaac says that being a designer is like being a... secret agent (he pauses, like he just thought of that right now. He's been attending Method Hosting classes), because you have to pay a lot of attention to detail. to him is a dress that he showed at Fall Fashion Week 2009. He loves it. There's a lot of pleating on the dress and James-Paul interviews that the challenge is going to be easy, because he has been studying pleating. Not just pleating, but ancient pleating used by the Greeks. The ancient Greeks. But, the challenge is sketching the dress from memory. James-Paul is like "Dammit!" when he finds out.
Lidia says that she is obsessed with details. Angel says that she tries burning the image of the dress into her memory. Kelly rolls the mannequin with Isaac's dress on it away and he repeats that the challenge is to sketch Kelly's dress from memory. Ooh! And, she's already gone! "Tricky, tricky, tricky," says Merlin. Reco has no clue what she was wearing. The most accurate sketch will win and the winner will have a "serious advantage" in the elimination challenge.
Haven, who seems to be getting more and more boring for me, says that she has an eye for details, and she loves Kelly's dress. She thinks she can do this. Merlin remembers that her dress had ruffles on it, but he can't remember if they are high on the dress or low. Lidia can use her visual memory to capture the silhouette. Keith only remembers Kelly's hair! Sketch that shit, dude. He liked it -- it was straight. Seriously, it's better than nothing. Johnny didn't really get a good look at her dress, but he remembered her belt.
Isaac calls time, and the designers stand in a line with their sketches. Daniella whines that she didn't get a good look at Kelly's dress because James-Paul's head was in her way the whole time. You see footage of her trying to look around him, but the guy is seriously a good foot shorter than her, so I'm like, "Move to the right, moron. Or stand on your tippy-toes." Isaac immediately points out that Keith's sketch is in green. He interviews that he was the only one who didn't have a purple sketch and he stuck out. Of course, Reco is almost personally offended in his interview and wonders if Keith is color-blind.
Kelly returns. Everyone shudders at how far off they were. Laura chooses Johnny, Daniella and Lidia as the people with the best sketches and they bring them forward and place them on easels. Laura points out that Johnny got little else right but the belt. Isaac marvels at the fact that he got it exactly right though. He jokes that it's scary, and Johnny is the idiot savant of belts. Laura compliments Daniella for getting the ruffles right in her sketch, but she didn't make the skirt as full as it is on Kelly. Laura says that Lidia got the spirit of the dress and Isaac feels that she accurately depicted the skirt. The winner is... Daniella. Happy music as she interviews that, when she saw everyone's sketches, she thought she had one of the best. Laura says "Fond Goodbye!" and leaves. Do you think she's going to try to make that a signature? Time will tell.
Kelly explains to Daniella that, as her prize for winning the Mini Challenge, she will be able to place one of her fellow designers in the bottom three at elimination time. "Evil," gasps Isaac. Merlin is already convinced that she's going to choose him, because their personalities clash. We see footage of the first challenge where he was super-bossy to Daniella and told her that he was the man and she needed to listen to him and all that stuff. I still don't see what was so offensive about that. A manly male fashion designer [Like Merlin? - Z] sometimes needs assert himself. Otherwise, femininity might overtake the industry, and that would change everything. "That gonna be me. That gonna be me," repeats Merlin. Kelly tells the designers to meet her and Isaac at New York Model Management. They are all over Bravo, aren't they?
At New York Model Management, Kelly and Isaac greet the designers who file in and stand in their standard tee-ball photo formation. They remind the designers that the agency supplies them with their models. Kelly switches gears and says that every woman has something she loves and something she hates about her body. Isaac says that Donna Karan has made a career from building body-loving clothing and reminds them that this show is about creating real clothes for real women. Then, Kelly says that they are about to meet the real women with whom they will be working. All of the agents stand up! They line up and the camera pans over one girl who is probably a size 12 like she is ENORMOUS. Johnny, who lest we forget is over two-and-some-odd bucks, is worried, because he does NOT work with "real people." James-Paul screams and says that this will be the end of James-Paul. And, yes, he referred to himself in the third person. [Since he has two first names, doesn't that make it the sixth person? - Z]
Isaac says that they will not be using models this week. James-Paul continues. The women here are all "very normal," and he "shuns" normal in his life. Where does one even begin? When you talk like that, it makes me start picking out his flaws. The challenge is to create a look for a real woman that will disguise her problem areas while enhancing her assets. Reco's not worried. His aunt is a size 16 and his sister is a size 12, and he designs for them all of the time. OK, if Reco cools it with the workroom shit-talking, I think he may have just officially won me forever. I don't know why I care so much about normal people all of a sudden.
Isaac starts matching up the designers with real women. It seems arbitrary. Angel interviews that a model is supposed to be a walking hanger, but she's intrigued by finding solutions to problems. Kashelle, the girl who keeps getting filmed like she's the Empire State Building, is assigned to Haven. Gina, a tall, athletic girl, is assigned to James-Paul. He interviews that she's "the epiphany of American ready-to-wear," which is everything he is against. Well, you're on an American TV show hosted by a famous American designer who has recently made a huge splash with ready-to-wear. It isn't such a huge leap to imagine that you might be doing something similar at a certain point. He likens this challenge to forcing Jesus to work with Satan. I did not just make that shit up. Keith is thrilled, because his girl looks exactly like his usual clients. [Yup, Keith's got this one. In. The. Bag. - Z]
Kelly tells them that they only have an hour to prep, and they're off! They'll have a $200 budget. At B&J Fabrics, the designers consult with their clients. Merlin's girl tells him that she went from a 32 B to a 34 DD. In boob size. A baby perhaps? A Christmas gift? We don't know. He asks her if she's comfortable with her hips. The hips have gotten larger. Meanwhile, this girl is pretty cute. Merlin, however, feels that he will have to bring out the true magic, which you know he's just been waiting to say. [You know, because Merlin is a Honduran leprechaun. - Z]
Daniella's girl is not giving her anything. She says she likes to be comfortable. She can't really describe her own style. She describes her thighs as "Midwestern" and Daniella doesn't even know what that means. [They're the size of Ohio? - Z] The girl shoots down Daniella's idea of electric blue. She interviews that she finds her client uninspiring, so she's just going to make something flattering for her. Haven is worried about Kashelle's butt, and from the view we get it appears generous but perky. So she's going to show it off. James-Paul's normal girl tells him that her problem area is her shoulders -- they're broader than most. He says that his idea is a tuxedo dress and she seems eager to go with his idea, though I'm not sure she's personally excited about it. Angel's girl says that she's a dancer, so she's bulky everywhere. She's also short-waisted and worried about her hips. Angel says that she's going to make an off-the-shoulder dress that will be sleek and elongating.
At the workroom, they all get to work. Haven and Daniella compare whose client has the largest ass. 43-inch for Kashelle and 45-inch for Daniella's girl. Then, they spend hours padding their mannequins. They're acting like they're designing for Martians. I find this whole scenario tedious. It's been done before and it's just stupid seeing these designers freak about shit like this. It's like someone on Survivor being surprised that they have to eat a worm or something. Daniella is being a big baby. She sees that Reco is already cutting out a pattern and asks him how he's that far along. He says that he just knew what he wanted to do. She says that she has never been so uninspired and starts crying into her crochet cap. Angel interviews that Daniella just got out of school and hasn't designed for "real women," but a talented designer can flatter any body shape. Haven interviews that Daniella is able to put someone up for elimination, so she'll be fine.
The morning, they all get to work. Johnny explains to Merlin some panels he's going to use to minimize hips and maximize bust. Daniella interviews that she thought that Merlin should have been in the bottom last week and, if his new outfit is bad, she will indeed put him in the bottom. Hmm, it's almost too perfect. They don't seem to have even really noticed each other since the first episode. This continued animosity feels a little manufactured. Kelly and Isaac enter and start talking to Keith. He says that he's cinching the waist of his dress, in order to enhance other areas. Merlin says of his client, "Her boobs is too big." Isaac remarks that Merlin is building his first piece of eveningwear and his fabric is tweed, while for challenges he has created daywear with sequins and satin. James-Paul says that his girl is worried about her shoulders. He says that his client is very simple, and his work is very difficult.
Daniella explains that she's having a problem because her model is bigger all over. Isaac stops her and says that a size 16 is average for the real world. He thinks she's being sizist. She says that she's not -- it's the big fat model's fault.
Outside, Kelly and Isaac discuss. They think Daniella might be in trouble because she's usually so much more comfortable. Kelly says she doesn't really understand Merlin's design. Isaac says that he has yet to see the point of Keith's dress, which I have to say surprises me a little. It seemed like a smart, clear-cut idea when he first described it.
Back in the workroom, Johnny is working. Reco says to him that his client has the body of a "bad transsexual." With six hours before the show, the clients come in for a fitting. Reco whispers to Haven that Keith's dress is a mess. Keith's client tells him that she would normally wear a shorter hem. Reco interviews that he loves Keith, but he'll just holler at him at the reunion show, because he doesn't think he can pull this off. Angel is worried because her design makes her model look chunky. It's bad. After she leaves, Angel decides that she needs to start over with something.
Our little nugget segment this week is of Daniella doing an impression of Merlin. It's not bad. She acts like she's wearing a cape and she talks about bitches ruling the world. Haven talks about how he calls her nothing but "Barbie."
The morning, Merlin says that, since this is his funeral day, he's wearing black. He still thinks that Daniella will put him in the bottom. When he's ready, he says, "All right, bitches, it's time to go," to all of the designers. Reco replies that, if he calls him a bitch one more time, he's going to break his legs.
With two hours to work, Angel is making something new. She's trying to channel her days working at Donna Karan. Isaac enters and gives them their 30-minute warning. Keith interviews that he's excited-- he thinks his outfit looks great. Daniella is hopeful that, even if it isn't her client's favorite article of clothing, she acts like she likes her design.
They take their designs backstage. As the clients are being fitted, the audience fills up. There's designer James Coviello. And, Countess Luann DeLesseps!!! This show just got so much more important for me. There's plus-size model Mia Amber-Davis. I would think that it would be Mia-Amber Davis, yes? In any event, I'm guessing this was not her birth name. Stylist Rebecca Weinberg is the guest judge. There's Fern! There's designer Yigal Azrouel, who is kind of beautiful. Keith is having problems -- the bust of his dress is too big. He's doing everything he can to fix it. Merlin is also having issues. His skirt is far too tight. And, Angel's hem is unfinished. James-Paul is worried that she's going to get picked on by the judges. She is working until this nasty usher guy insists that the client come with him.
The show begins with Keith's dress. The skirt is nice, but the bust is a little wonky. It's red with a black waist. Fern says that the dress doesn't accentuate anything or give her a clue. Here's Johnny's dress. He was trying to work with a small bust and large hips. It's a skintight dress with a floral print and side black panels. It looks like a Body Glove dress. Backstage, there is whooping and Johnny wonders if the dress is too short, or "too close to her kitty cat." Fern notes that the client is happy in the dress and Isaac wonders is this is The Real Housewives of Naomi Campbell, which is actually pretty stupid. Anna's model is . She was working with a short client with large hips and bust. It's a purple dress with a high waistband and a center seam of lighter fabrics. It's pretty effective. It's a little poochy in the front. Here's Daniella's girl! She looks great! It's a navy shirtdress coat sort of thing over a black jersey(?) dress. I can't really tell what's underneath. But the trench-like shirtdress is straight out of the Mizrahi handbook and looks terrific. It cinches at the waist and has a really smart popped up collar. Daniella says that she's given the woman a complete makeover, and I agree.
Here's Haven's dress! It's the first thing that she's done that has made me feel that she's actually talented. It's a short pink dress with a houndstooth belt and this pink neckband thing that is very forward. I like it. Isaac says he likes it, because why should a girl with big hips have to wear black all of the time. Here's James-Paul's dress. Wow. He made this girl look like a freaking linebacker. He interviews that he does not believe fashion should be led by some "outside entity." Such as a client? He thinks that he lost his voice with his client. It's a white, shiny top and a black skirt and it's mess. Lidia's dress is . It's a sort of wrap dress with gray and pink panels. There's a large safety pin in the front that Fern and Rebecca love. Fern thinks it's chic and could be worn anywhere. Merlin's is , and it is a disaster. The skirt is so tight it has given the client swayback. It's a paneled dress with a tweed fichu neckline jacket on top. He's worried. So are we. Angel's dress is and she seems mortified. Johnny even seems to giggle at it backstage. I think it looks pretty good, though. Isaac says that she elongated the waist, which was the goal. Reco's look is . It's a gray skirt and vest with a ruffled red blouse beneath it. His client removes the vest on the runway, which makes Reco ecstatic. He thinks he has won this.
After the show, James Coviello gives Keith's dress an F. He says it failed the client and the challenge. Luann says that she liked Reco's outfit the best. She thinks the look would flatter a lot of people. See? She's got CLASS! Mia thought that a lot of the women looked great in their outfits and seemed confident in what they were wearing.
The designers meet the judges back on the runway. Isaac introduces Rebecca Weinberg. Isaac doesn't think that they grasped the challenge. He thinks they should have celebrated the things that were different about their clients' bodies. Kelly introduces the designs that got the most votes. They are Reco's and Daniella's. Kelly tells Reco that an audience member said, "I'll take one in every color!" Isaac asks the girl how she feels wearing it -- she loves it. Fern says that Reco's ruffling is lovely. Also, she admires the contouring that the darts on the skirt provided. Kelly tells Daniella that two-thirds of the audience said that they would buy her dress. They love it. Isaac loves that she used boning on the dress beneath the coat. Fern loves the black and blue together. Rebecca commends her for working with one of the harder body types. The winner of the fashion challenge is Daniella! They're "sold on her design."
Now, it's time for Daniella to choose a person to be in the bottom 3. She picks... Angel. Wow. Smart. She's a good designer having an off week. This may be a way to get rid of some competition. She says that Angel's dress was poorly constructed and accentuated the areas about which the client expressed concern. Daniella takes a seat. Now, for the others in the bottom -- Keith and Merlin. James-Paul is lucky.
Kelly tells Angel that people felt her dress had bad seam work and was ill-fitting. Rebecca agrees. Also, they felt that she shouldn't have left pins at the hips. She says she wouldn't have had the hem been finished. Audience members found Keith's design boring and childish. Fern says that he didn't accentuate her body at all. Isaac points out that he had the easiest client, too. Kelly asks the client if she thinks Keith's dress is any better than what you would find at a prom store. She's very diplomatic, but it's clear that she doesn't love it. Kelly tells Merlin that 78% of the audience said they would not buy his look. Rebecca points out that the paneling and shiny fabric that he used gives his client a pooch. The client reacts in horror. Isaac says the mid-knee length of the skirt "couldn't be weirder." He points out that the fichu neckline was created to enhance a bust. Merlin replies that everything comes from his heart. Urgh.
The judges confer. Rebecca felt that Merlin's work was sloppy. Isaac still has problems with the neckline. Kelly felt like there was no "Merlin" in the outfit, though a fichu neckline on a girl with huge tits sounds pretty Merlin to me. They all agree that Merlin is talented. Fern is disappointed with Keith. Rebecca found it uninspired. She also hated Angel's dress. She thought it was poorly made. Isaac adds that Angel's work is usually amusing or artful, while this was awful. Fern says that with an extra 10-minute fitting, Angel could probably have saved that dress.
The judges return. OK, don't send Angel home. Kelly tells Merlin that his design sucked, but his passion was apparent. He's safe. Isaac says that Angel's design accentuated flaws. Keith's design was average. Keith... we're just not buying it. He hugs everyone and leaves. Angel is hanging by a thread. Keith interviews that he thought Angel's dress was the worst and didn't read as a "designer dress." He felt that he gave his client what she wanted. Eh. Isaac tells Angel that she needs to do some soul-searching and simplify and clarify.
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Jeff Long is not real. He can be reached at jeff.long75@gmail.com.