Rise and shine at the Parker Meridien, home of guest accommodations for the erstwhile daily salve The Rosie O'Donnell Show. Markus says to himself while dressing, "Another day, another designer down." Lidia asks James-Paul how he is doing and he says that he's tired, but he's also beat up from being team captain of the challenge. Reco chimes in that he wants to be team captain. No, that's not true -- he'd prefer to just be taken off of his team. He interviews that three of his teammates don't know how to execute. Frankly, that's what's fascinating about Reco. He's an expert seamstress, yet has the taste of Lisa Rinna.
At the workroom, the designers are greeted by Kelly and Isaac, who must have gotten orders from his doctor to stop eating auras, because his arms are wrapped tightly around his own waist in what I guess is an attempt to control his manic, grasping, fluttering welcoming gestures. He tells them that there's no rest for the weary, nor the chic. Spas? Kelly tells them to get into their teams again, and Reco silently rolls his eyes in disgust in an interview. It's time for the Harper's Bazaar Mini Challenge, with Laura Brown judging once more. Isaac says that a designer must know the basics of sewing, and the camera immediately rests on Johnny, who tries to act like he's just listening and unaware that his face will be the one we see when Isaac says the sewing shit. Three identical ensembles on mannequins are presented to the teams. They each have four problem areas that need to be repaired. First, there's the shoulder pad and lining. Then, all of the buttons on the front of the jacket need to be reattached. Third, the zipper of the skirt needs to be repaired. Finally, the "most common" of repairs (per Isaac), fixing the hem, must be performed. Kelly tells the teams that the challenge will be in relay form and they will have 35 minutes to complete everything. Markus interviews that this is a ridiculously short amount of time to complete those tasks. Kelly continues and says that the team with the best quality work wins. Also, the designer who does the best job on their team will win immunity in the elimination challenge. I guess that's one designer per team and not just one from the winning team? They have a moment to decide who does what.
We start with the shoulder pad. Daniella, Reco and Lidia perform this task. Lidia complains about her fingers being too small, and Daniella makes a joke that she's so little that she climbs inside the garment to fix it. James-Paul, Anna and Markus are the button sewers. Isaac comments that Anna's team is behind, and she kinda snaps that she's "working on it." Reco has serious problems with the way that Markus sewed the buttons. Amateur. Haven, Merlin and Andrew are our zipper folks. Isaac says to Laura and Kelly that it is not difficult to put a zipper into a garment, but it's very difficult to repair one. I'll trust you on that one. Markus tells Haven that her hair looks perfect in an attempt to encourage her. I think it works. Keith, Johnny and Angel are working on the hem. It's down to the wire. It looks like people didn't get to finish the hems totally when time is called.
Isaac starts with James-Paul's team. He likes Lidia's work on the shoulder pad. There are no outer stitches. He seems to be satisfied with James-Paul's button work and is particularly pleased that you can't see the impression of the button on the inside of the jacket. On Haven's team, Isaac has serious problems with Haven's zipper repair. It's pretty ghastly. It's all bunched up and ugly. The stitching in Markus's buttons is all mismatched. Sewing 101, as Reco would say. On to Anna's team. Andrew has the best zipper and the cutest hat. Keith's hem isn't finished and what is done is tight and bad. Ouch. Isaac says that they are deliberating between two teams for the win and it's not Haven's team. Reco interviews that, once again, everyone has disappointed him. Isaac says that Haven's zipper was unforgivable and she interviews, "Fine, I don't sew fucking zippers." I think that attitude is pretty unforgivable, too! Seriously, what do these people think a designer is? I could bring some damn paper dolls from the '80s and call myself a designer, too, if it means I don't have to have any actual skill.
The winner, because of the shoulder pads, is James-Paul's team. Merlin interviews, with subtitles, that the other designers are underestimating them, which is a mistake. How does underestimating you matter when you're sewing a button? Like, they didn't sew well because they thought you would suck even worse? I don't think that happened, crazy Merlin. So, Lidia is immune. Now, they have to choose team leaders. Lidia is the new leader of Team Blazer. Merlin says that he's curious to see what she can offer and I think that was almost meant in a nice way. Andrew nominates Daniella, since she won the last challenge. Markus nominates Reco for his team, since it's likely to be a technical challenge. Reco interviews that he is thrilled.
Kelly remarks that Isaac's jacket is lovely and asks him if it is his design. He says it is and smiles at the ground coyly, but it comes off a little demented. Anyhoo, Isaac segues into wishing that his coat had a special function, like an extra panel for warmth or the ability to fold it into it's own tote bag. The teams have to create coats for all seasons and they have to have a special function. Anna says that she doesn't want to make a "Go-Go Gadget Coat." Heh.
With 14 hours remaining, the teams are working on the designs. Keith comes up with the brilliant idea that the coats are for a woman who is traveling. Traveling? AMAZING. Andrew says that he was thinking the same sort of thing and Keith snaps, "Copy-cat" only half-jokingly. Lidia assigns seasons to each designer. They decide that their muse is a jet-setting woman. Again, brilliant. Reco's idea? Aeon Flux. Well, you can't say that's boring, can you? Markus says that, at the end of the day, it has to be beautiful. It also has to be constructed, so why don't you just take a backseat for a moment there, Markus?
At the fabric store, Andrew's idea for a coat with some sort of plastic on the back gets shot down by Daniella. She interviews that he's an underwear designer and has no idea what he's doing. James-Paul is making a winter coat that becomes a sleeping bag when you zip it up. Doesn't sound terribly chic, but it does sound terribly AWESOME. I love James-Paul, the little freak. His teammates don't say anything derogatory, but they seem a little confused by his plan. Haven is going to make a summer coat that has cosmetics stored inside. She interviews that she's from the South and they care about the way they look. Also, she's addicted to hair spray. Markus is making a fall coat, with a jewelry roll in the collar. It's for a woman who... travels!
Back at the workroom, Lidia tells us that she's making a summer raincoat that turns into an umbrella that turns into a hood? We have a bit of a communication barrier, Lidia and me. James-Paul kindly helps her with her design. Reco has to create ALL of the patterns for his team. He interviews that his teammates are delusional if they call themselves designers but cannot perform any tasks. That's something that's becoming clear to me on this show. I think he has a very real point. At the end of the workday, Merlin screams, "Bitches, it is time to goooooo hooome!"
Back at the hotel, Keith says to the other guys that he respects the interest of the challenge, but has never wanted his coat to be anything other than a great coat. Wow, it's like the show is showing its ass. It's pointing out the irrelevance of it's own challenges. Reco is making a ski suit with some sort of pod hood. Looks interesting, though still vaguely stripper-friendly. He loves it. He jokes that it's ridiculous for so much talent to lie in one young mind. Anna is making a bomber jacket. Markus is having trouble with sewing. He reminds us in an interview that his school didn't concentrate on sewing, only on the "creative" aspects of design. Andrew seems to be confused. Daniella offers an idea, but he's not convinced. She interviews that he's frustrating, because it seems like she always has to be in a grumpy mood.
Isaac and Kelly come into the workroom. They ask Andrew about his design. He's making a short spring coat that elongates to mid-thigh when it rains. Kelly mentions that he has played it safe for the first two challenges. Later, Daniella recommends that he make the length more dramatic. She interviews that she doesn't want to keep giving him ideas, but she doesn't want to be on a losing team. James-Paul explains his design and Isaac and Kelly seem freaked out. Fuck the haters, this is a stupid challenge and he's thought of something really cool. Reco explains that his storyline for his team's collection is "a modern-day excursion to Mars." As opposed to the mid-'90s-era excursion to Mars. Isaac asks him if he's consulting on construction, and he replies, "Every 10 minutes." Johnny interviews that Reco is being a bit of a show-off. This competition isn't TOTALLY about sewing. I think it should be. Johnny describes his spring coat that will have shoe storage in the back. "Because can any woman have enough shoe storage?" asks Isaac. "Don't ask ME that!" replies Kelly. So rich, the repartee. Haven describes her coat that holds make-up. It has dramatic curves at the waist and Isaac asks her to describe the shape. "What do you mean?" Not good. Isaac looks at her like she's an idiot. Reco tries to intervene and says that they are going for smooth, feminine lines. Haven interviews that she must have been nervous -- she just didn't know the answer to his question.
Kelly and Isaac talk in the hall. Why? Are they just giving the audience clues about what we should think sucks? Isaac is worried about Andrew. He hates Haven's idea. He doesn't know what woman would want to wear the silhouette and Kelly offers "Victoria Beckham." Also, Isaac sees the practicality of her idea, but doesn't think its high fashion. The IDEA is not high fashion. That's what Keith was saying.
The models come in for a fitting. Merlin explains his design in such a flurry of words-- I can't imagine what the model actually understood. James-Paul tells his model that he wants her to lie down on the runway. She giggles hysterically at the idea. Markus is so behind. Reco says that he has good style but is so deficient technically. He will only help him so much, because this is a competition.
Bravo has started doing this 30-second segment thing in the middle of commercial breaks. They're fun. We see Markus and Johnny, back at the hotel. Markus freaks out over a tiny spill on the counter. He's apparently a huge neat freak. Johnny says that Markus is crazy. Wow.
It's the day of the fashion show. Backstage, Reco whispers to Johnny that Markus's coat is "messy." Johnny says that Keith thinks that his own coat is the worst. Keith interviews that he hopes this isn't the challenge that sends him home. Reco has lost his mind. He sees people still working on their pieces and says that they're making the competition too easy for him and should give him the check now. He interviews that this is a cakewalk. Daniella says that his attitude is bullshit.
People start filing into the audience. There's Bobbi Thomas, fashion expert. And there's Dana Duneier, the owner and designer of Duneier NY. Haven is having serious problems backstage. There's Fern taking her place in the front row to designer Norma Kamali, who is the guest judge. The zipper on Angel's design broke just as they were being called to the stage! She keeps her cool, but this could mean disaster.
Daniella's team begins the show and their theme is "hidden surprises." First up is Keith, whose girl removes the bottom of a coat to create a tube top and a blanket that she can lie on. Not bad, but the fit is kind of gross. up is Andrew's coat and it's really great and dramatic...and totally Daniella's idea. She's completely disgusted that he's taking credit, but it's executed really beautifully. Here's Anna's fall coat. Mittens and a scarf are sewn into it. I love it!! It's so beautiful. I love the look of the scarf and mittens, too. Norma says that it looks as if it's made well. Here's Daniella's coat. There are ruffles on the sleeves that hide places to store iPods and phones and such. She interviews that she would have done the ruffles differently with more time, because she thinks they currently resemble a Chinese rooftop. I thought this group was pretty good.
is Lidia's group. Angel's model is first. She's wearing a short silver jacket that has zippers at the waist that allow it to expand and become a traditional British trench. The zipper problem catches Kelly's attention, of course. Backstage, she says that she's embarrassed. Lidia's raincoat is . It's a little stiff for my taste, but it looks useful. There's also a sweatshirt lining that can be revealed. Merlin's fall coat is . It has many removable parts that can be carried in a little plastic tote. Finally, it's James-Paul's coat. He says that it's useful in case you're too drunk and can't get home to sleep. I love that. The audience laughs when the model lies down. Fern says that it has a casket feel to her, which disturbs her. Oh, Fern. I think that actually sold Isaac on it. He says, "I'm into caskets!" Daniella says that their team was cohesive in the Team Crazy way. She doesn't think they've thought about how the designs would look on an actual woman. She's so sour.
Here's Reco's team, and Johnny's spring coat is first. It's a short white cocoon coat with shoe compartments on the back. Haven's coat is and looks fine, I guess. She says that she's upset that she is sending something down the runway that's not her vision. Whatever. Have a better vision, then. She sees the judges on the backstage monitor and is stressed out. Markus's coat is . Isaac seems confused by the jewelry in the collar. Norma says, "The finishing in the sleeves, you don't even wanna know about." Here's Reco's coat. It's a ski suit with a detachable cape that holds picnic supplies. Isaac is entranced. The coat gets applause, which sends Reco into convulsions. Backstage, Markus taunts everyone by saying, "Watch out, Bitches." I guess he's making fun of Merlin. Keith interviews that Reco's piece was excellent, but, judging from the other pieces in their group, he's not sure where Reco's overconfidence came from. Daniella whispers to Keith, "Good thing we all designed our own things." I'm not even sure what she means.
Designer Keanan Duffy was in the audience and says that he really liked James-Paul's coat. Fashion expert Judy Licht says that she thought Lidia's coat was pretty, but she thinks the hood was impractical, as a woman wouldn't usually be able to hold it with two hands while carrying a purse, etc. Bobbi Thomas loved Reco's coat. She thinks it had great functionality. Andrea, an audience member, says that her favorite garment was Anna's. She says it looked like you could wear it off the runway.
Later, it's time for judging. Isaac describes Norma Kamali as the woman who created "the original sleeping bag coat." Hmm, I didn't know that. James-Paul looks a little insulted. Isaac tells everyone that they did a good job. He does recommend that they use better fabrics. Norma adds that it's difficult to make a cheap fabric look good. Isaac asks James-Paul if he realized he was paying an homage to Norma and he says he didn't. She says she thought the shape was very clever. Lidia's team is safe. The audience chose Daniella's team as the winners. Haven says, "Sorry, Reco." They sit, while the winning designer is chosen. Anna's and Andrew's models return to the stage. Daniella is beside herself. They love the fabric that Anna chose, though they don't think that a glove compartment is much of a surprise. She agrees, but we heard her say that she thought the challenge was jacked anyway. She found a way to do what she wanted! Good for her. They start talking to Andrew about his design and Daniella keeps smirking. Finally, Isaac asks her what's up (though he was probably prompted by the crew, right?) and she says that she designed the coat. Andrew says that he struggled, but the design was his. Norma then lays this shit out for Daniella. She says that, as a creative director, she and Isaac have both given ideas that they didn't get credit for. That's the deal. If something's your idea, "that's your secret." Daniella says, "I wish I hadn't said anything," and, though I don't want to be friends with her, I actually feel like we're seeing a learning moment here. So, the winner. Is. ANDREW! Wow. Eat it, Daniella. Please write to me, anyone who has bought one of these pieces on bravoshop.com. I need to hear about it. Don't make me buy a woman's raincoat.
Now, it's loser time. Reco's team returns to the stage. Isaac points out that they're losing for the second time. He says that Reco's design was the judge's favorite, but they can't give the award to someone on the losing team. I like that little rule. Keeps things sassy. Norma says she loved Reco's design. She thought the bold graphic was very effective. Fern liked that the model still looked slim while in a ski suit. The losing looks are Markus's and Haven's. Saw this coming. Kelly tells Haven that someone in the audience called her coat "a hairdresser's smock with Mickey Mouse ears." I love the audience. Haven says that she just thought it would be a funny idea, because she's always doing her hair. Fern says that she has to remember the platform (fashion runway) and the amount of time she has to relay a joke. Norma adds that she needs to have a standard for herself that is higher than anyone's expectation of her. She agrees and says that she's not sure that she should be there, since everyone is sewing circles around her. Isaac says that the sewing isn't that bad, but rather the sensitivity to shape. He recalls that Nicolas Ghesquiere created a similar silhouette a few years ago for Balenciaga that was very successful. Fern tells her that she needs to have confidence, because designers are the most insecure people in the world. "Thanks a lot, Fern!" screams Isaac. It's the constant judging that makes them insecure, but they have to be confident. That's kind of contradictory, Fern. Anyway, Haven says she's not confident and that's okay. No it's not, replies Fern. She says she's working on it, and Kelly gives her a funny look like she was being snippy or something, but I don't think she was.
Markus's coat is a mess. He says that sewing is his weak point, but he felt like he got better during this challenge. Norma says that, as a fashion designer, your ego is attached to your work. He should be devastated that something so horrible came out with his ego attached. Wait, Norma is wearing sunglasses. I hate that. If I were Markus, I'd say, "Well, Norma, with you and Isaac in the audience, there wasn't enough room on the runway for my ego, so I had to remove it from my design."
The judges deliberate. They reiterate that Haven isn't the worst sewer. Fern deduces that she's on the offensive because she's afraid of getting kicked off. Which is a defense mechanism. My girl Fern loves some contradictions. I love what she's wearing, by the by. Pretty, pretty accessories. They really hate Markus's sewing, though. Isaac disagrees that he got any better from last week. They also rehash the concept that your ego is attached to the project and Markus doesn't seem to care that deeply. Isaac says it should be personal. He likes the jewelry collar idea, but Norma thinks that you need the burning desire for perfection in order to be successful. They've decided.
Back onstage, Kelly addresses Haven and Markus. They hold hands in solidarity. Isaac says they worry that Markus is a dreamer and not a designer. He seems burned by that. Isaac says that Haven needs more confidence. Markus... we're just not buying it! Haven tells him that she'd buy it. I'm actually surprised to see him go. Haven is hanging by a thread. Markus interviews that he thought other people should have gone home before him. He didn't like the dreamer comment. He says that he will have technical people to execute his dreams. Heh. In the end, he says that he's glad that he didn't have to take anyone's design. Everything comes from him. Is that a slam on Andrew? Whatever. See ya.
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Jeff Long's fingernail keeps getting caught on his ego. He can be reached at jeff.long75@gmail.com.