It's the new show with the clever title! Here's Isaac Mizrahi, amazing in Unzipped, telling us about "real life, real people, REAL FASHION." I don't get it. And there is Kelly Rowland, who has obviously given up on any future as a pop star separate from Beyonce. Isaac tells us that they've assembled 15 talented fashion designers. Each week they will be challenged to create a look that will be showcased in front of a crowd of industry insiders. I've been waiting for the part where this isn't exactly like Project Runway. Is this it? A "crowd?" Then, they'll be judged by Isaac, House of Dereon model Kelly, and Fern Mallis. I love Fern Mallis! She is totally the Paula Abdul here, without the patches of super-morphine. She's so nice. The designers are competing for $125,000 and the chance to have their designs manufactured and sold. Nice. That's the hard part. So, there are some tiny differences, I guess. I wonder if they'll give them longer to work on their looks? Four people will show a full collection in the finals, though Isaac doesn't say if that will be at Fashion Week. Oh, here we go, the audience will decide the winner! This could be interesting.
The credits come from the same French techno-pop machine that all of the other Bravo title sequences come from. The show begins in New York and we meet Kristin, from Chicago. She has an organic clothing line. She says she's ready to take her company "to the level." Ah, the oft discussed level. Kristin enters what looks like a Meatpacking District club during the daytime. is James-Paul, an "experimental designer." His designed aesthetic is derived, he says, from "post colonialist theories." Shit. He worked for Vivienne Westwood and he's got a crazy outfit on, including some clog sandals that are seriously verging on being high heels. Here's Merlin, a ridiculous man in head-to-to red, with cape and feathered hat. People ask him if "Merlin" is his real name. He is self-taught, believe it or not. He tells Kristin and James-Paul that he loves competition. So, their workroom is apparently in the building that Kristin entered. Interesting. Lidia, an "avant garde designer," enters the room. She seems relatively not crazy. Here's Reco, who tells us that he paid his way through school by designing outfits for strippers. That's an amazing story. It's like All That Jazz meets Lady Sings The Blues meets Showgirls. He notices Merlin's outfit as soon as he walks in. And, he's wearing all acid washed denim, so you know shit's gotta look crazy for him to call it out.
Kristin asks Merlin if he knows any magic tricks and he responds with a crazy stretched smile, "I disappear people one by one." Ah, the smell of awkward reality show posturing. It is indeed spring. Here's Jonny D, who designs men's wear. He's wearing a suit that he says is inspired by Elvis. Here's Laura, who is another green designer. Here's Simon Le Bon and John Taylor mash-up, Keith, an evening wear designer. Here's Johnny. He's dressed as a gay sumo wrestler/geisha, and he tells us that he dropped out of fashion school. The photos of his stuff are busted. Crap photography. The model looks like a wood nymph. He says that he has an advantage because he's "hella better." Oh no. Here's Haven, an "'80s inspired designer." I'm loving the possibilities there. And, she does look like she just popped out of a TV movie with Ann-Margret and Eileen Brennan. Awesome. Here's Markus, a "classic women's wear" designer, who tells us that he went to Central Saint Martins in London, which he declares to be the best fashion school in the world. Very well, but do you have to whine about it?
Here's Anna, a knitwear designer. Also, there's Angel, an "experimental designer." She tells us that she's innovative. She works with heat-sensitive and UV-activated inks. Hypercolors, welcome back. Here's Daniella, who has just finished the London College of Fashion. She designs sportswear inspired by menswear. is Andrew Christian, an underwear designer who tells us that he is known as "The PantyChrist." Really?
Kristin interviews that this is the freakiest summer camp ever. Imagine a fashion summer camp. I want to be a counselor. Suddenly, these big doors slide open and Isaac and Kelly enter to applause. He has them gather 'round, which I think is patented. You better recognize, Mizrahi. Kelly tells the designers, perhaps in an attempt to appear legitimate, that she has sat front row at many fashion shows for eight years. Isaac says that this show is about creativity, construction, wearability, and salability. So, it's about successful fashion. The fashions will be sold on the Bravo website. Reco tells us that he needs to win so that he can get out of his parents' house.
Prediction time (I love to try to guess who will get the boot first): I say, Johnny. It's now time for the "Harper's Bazaar mini challenge." They will have an hour to make a little black dress out of a t-shirt. I have to say, there's something sort of lovable about Kelly. They get to work and Keith tells us that he should be fine because he designs primarily evening gowns and cocktail dresses. Johnny gets to work and I may take back my prediction. He himself is sort of a hot mess, but he seems pretty creative. He makes a turtleneck out of the sleeves and fashions shoulder pads. Markus grabs what he thinks looks like white thread to "jazz up" his dress. I think those are hair extensions, no lie. James-Paul adds a GARMENT BAG to his dress. Oh Lord. Lidia likes the detail on the back of her dress (I see lavender thread). She thinks it's very avant-garde. Should these people be adding color to a "little black dress?" Merlin screams at Anna because she uses the sewing machine that he was using. He left his white patent leather high-heeled boots there to save his spot, so I don't know what her fucking problem is. Oh Merlin.
Time's up. Isaac introduces Laura Brown from Harper's Bazaar. She's going to judge the dresses. She thinks that Lidia's dress is too young. Reco's is too stripper (Their names are not on these dresses either), but she loves the seams. She cracks that Johnny's has an airbag on the shoulder and could protect you in a car accident. I guess you're supposed to be simpler when you're a "little black dress" but I still think his looks pretty nice. She really likes that Keith's matches simple and classy. And, she thinks the construction shows confidence. She compares the detail on the back of Merlin's dress to the work made by Sofia Kokosalaki. It's business in the front and party in the back. I think Merlin just pissed himself. The garment bag that is part of James-Paul's design really startles her. She's not into it.
Isaac tells Laura to bring her three favorites forward. She rolls forward the dress forms of Merlin, Keith, and... Johnny! I thought she was insulting it. The designers step forward to claim their designs and Isaac congratulates them for winning the first challenge! They all won! So, for the elimination challenge, they'll be working in teams. The winners of the mini-challenge are the team leaders. Oh my God, Merlin, wearing a hat of fur, possibly an entire possum, says "fuck" over working in teams.
It's time to choose teams. And, this is clever, since they're all just getting to know each other they'll be picking by little black dress. Johnny chooses Reco's dress. He interviews that, not to sound cocky, but he knew he would be chosen because of his sewing ability. Keith chooses Kristin. Merlin chooses Angel. Johnny chooses Markus, saying that he's not afraid of hair. How could he think that was thread? Merlin chooses James-Paul and interviews that he did so because he's trying to do something new. I'm having a hard time dealing with Merlin's personal style, but he seems like he might be the real deal. Just a flash guess there. Johnny -- Haven; Keith -- Jonny D; Merlin -- Daniella; Johnny -- Laura; Keith -- Anna (she interviews that this process is like high school, but acknowledges that her dress sucked); which leaves Merlin with Lidia. Everyone knew that the purple thread idea was hers. She interviews that she is just in the position where she has to prove herself more.
It's time for the first elimination challenge. Isaac says that he and his staff always try to think of the "must-haves" for the season, and Kelly agrees that she's always looking for that piece that she can wear with everything. Angel explains that must-haves are trendy and work with lots of your wardrobe. Each team will be responsible for designing a garment that can be worn with five different looks. Each designer will have to copy his or her team's must-have, as well as an outfit to go with it. The looks must come together as a cohesive collection.
It's time to start and the teams meet. Jonny Decides that he would like to make a harem pant as the must-have item. Reco needs clarification, "like a Hammer pants?" Mmm, yes, but simpler. Heh. He interviews that harem pant is just a couture name for Hammer pant. That's fucking funny. Johnny seems to have a pretty confident idea of what their direction should be. On Keith's team, Kristin really wants a tube dress, which Keith finds risky. He wants to do a tube skirt. They compromise on wool, which can be stretched to be both. Hmm. Construction is key here, or you'll totally stretch your dress/skirt the first time you wear it. On Merlin's team, it looks like Daniella is driving the big red car. Anna suggests a vest, but Daniella moves her towards a blazer and then a bolero jacket. Anna looks worried.
They go to B&J Fabrics, otherwise known as "Not Mood." Daniella had pushed the group towards using navy for the jacket and Merlin is beside himself. He tries to rally everyone together because he doesn't want it to look like an old lady outfit, but Daniella prevails. This sort of sucks, because Merlin will still be to blame if Daniella was wrong.
Back at the workroom, Keith tells us that his group strategized to make their must-have very simple, so that they could spend the majority of their time on their individual looks. Anna is making a short jacket to go over the tube dress that will flare in the back. Andrew is making a blouse with draped arms and a cowl neck. He's in charge of the "Cocktail Hour Look" for his group. Hmm, experience tells me that he's making something super easy, right?
Problems on Team Camelot. Merlin wants to make the jacket shorter than everyone else does, because he's afraid it's going to look too old otherwise. I have to say, I'd have a hard time listening to Daniella too. She's obnoxious.
They finish for the night and head to their rooms at Le Parker Meridien. Jonny D says that he's so nervous he doesn't know if he'll sleep tonight. My suggestion would be that he head downstairs where there is a small café that serves one of the best burgers in New York! Right off the lobby! They all share a laugh before going to bed.
Well, most of them. Others, including Merlin in his underwear, share a glass of wine. Haven and Daniella are having issues, but Merlin doesn't think he's a big deal. He interviews that all geniuses, like himself, are a bit crazy. That doesn't mean all crazy people are geniuses, FYI.
The day, they're at it again. Johnny's team seems to be moving along smoothly. Haven is making a blouse for a cocktail hour look, but she tells us that she's not a great sewer. Reco made a jacket that is already finished and looks pretty amazing -- Johnny seems really impressed. Do we have a dark horse? Do it, Reco!!
More trouble on Team Camelot. He doesn't like the shape of the jacket. he feels it's too plain. Daniella explains that the sleeker and simpler a piece is, the younger it is. "Who told you that?" Merlin asks. "I'm 22," she responds. "Yeah, but you're dressing like you're 40." Ouch. She says that she thinks they're working backwards, but he wants to change the pattern for the jacket -- the jacket that all of them have to recreate. He gets snippy about it and tells Daniella to keep her opinion. He cuts off a lot of the front of the jacket, which everyone on his team has to duplicate. Merlin tells Daniella that she needs to get used to "Male domination." She replies, "Male? Where?" Nice.
Kristin is making a full top and vest to go over their tube dress/skirt. Jonny D is making a "Marilyn Monroe-ish" top. He likes hourglass curves in women, so he is going to make his skirt very tight. We all know from the previews that someone is making a skirt that's "too" tight. I wonder who did that. Andrew warns him that he's not finishing fast enough
Isaac and Kelly enter. They tell them that each elimination is going to be voted on by an audience of industry insiders, including buyers. The winner of each challenge will have his or her design sold online. They start looking around. Reco is finished with his work. Isaac seems a little unsure of the harem pant as a must-have. He doesn't hate it, but he doesn't love it. Laura's work is "very Sewing 101" per Reco. Haven's top also needs a lot of work. Johnny says that he can't take over her project for her.
On to Team Camelot. Merlin points out right away that Daniella picked out the color. It sounds like he's trying to blame her, which is stupid, because the color works. He's a bitch. Merlin says that his look is for "5 and up" and Isaac doesn't know what the hell he's talking about. He means "After 5." James-Paul shows them his work. Seriously, it looks like muslin draping that is pinned together. And, he says he's almost finished. They say nothing. He interviews that he was a little disturbed by the silence.
Isaac seems interested by Keith's must-have. However, the thing is TIGHT. They can't even really fit it on their dress forms. Kelly says that it would take "butter and a miracle" to get it on her body. Best quote. Isaac doesn't really think that their individual looks are cohesive as a collection. Kristin says that there was a lot of confusion at the beginning (effectively sort of calling out Keith, I feel) and things haven't meshed well. Andrew explains that his blouse is for a "smart cocktail hour." Jonny D's halter top is not complete, but he promises that it will "cup the breast nicely."
Kelly and Isaac step outside and discuss what they've seen. They're nervous for the designers. Team Camelot isn't cohesive -- not a lot of teamwork. Isaac likes that Johnny's team followed the directive of trying to create different looks, though he's still not wild about a harem pant as a must-have. They have serious issues with the construction choices for Keith's must-have. Isaac says that he's worried about the "cognoscenti" that are coming to see the show. He just said that.
Back in the workroom, Keith says to Kristin that it's odd to him that she had so many concerns to voice for Isaac when the tube dress idea was essentially her idea. Jonny D too sounds like he thinks she sold them out. She interviews that she gets frustrated when people don't come up to her high standards. Blah. She says that she didn't mean to be rude and they're all fine -- as long as the boobs don't fall out of Jonny D's halter top.
The morning, Kristin is putting on her pound or so of make-up. She says that she doesn't need fame or fortune -- she just wants to see people in her clothes. Johnny and James-Paul tell her that she looks pretty. Keith, who has the most hardcore Midwest accent, says that they're all suffering from a lot of anxiety.
At that place in the Meatpacking District or maybe the West Village, the designers have their garment bags. James-Paul says that this is his first U.S. fashion show. On to the Tresemme room. Anonymous models are made up. Reco says that he wants to get far enough in this competition that everyone will notice that the boy from the hood has some talent. Front row VIP's include Fern Mallis and Elie Tahari. I love Elie Tahari. I have a stylist friend who says that Elie is equivalent to INC at Macy's and I say he's stupid. Just needed to put that out there. Suck it, Stylist Friend. Designers Christine Bogetti and Tadashi Shoji are there as well.
Backstage, Lidia freaks out because she doesn't want to use a black boot on the runway, but Markus talks her into it. Kara Lusardi, designer for Bobi, and James Aguiar, fashion expert and owner of one huge shit-eating grin, are in the audience. Jonny D has to STUFF his poor model into his skirt. I think his future is looking pretty bleak right now.
The show begins and the designers are backstage. Reco's professional look is onstage first. The harem pant and a short jacket with fancy collar. He's happy with it. Lidia's casual look is . There's a lovely gray v-neck sweater, a cardigan over that, and a scarf wrapped around her head. Johnny loves the cardigan. From the front row, Isaac and Kelly bitch about the drapery around her waist. Johnny's athletic look is . The pant is paired with a half-sleeve mid-drift baring blouse of gray and lavender. Eh. From backstage, Johnny cringes over the pants. He says they would get a C for the pants. Haven says that her "crucifixion" is about to walk onstage. And, it does. Crappy blouse, sewn like shit. These aren't even really different "looks." They're different blouses with the same pants. I take that back. Markus is with an elegant look. He made a simple white top, tucked into the pants, that really transforms the look. She does indeed look elegant.
Keith's group is . Kristin's look is first. The skirt is tan. It has the flowing white top with a small red vest with a racing stripe. The skirt doesn't really work with it, but Kristin says it looks better on the runway than it did in her head. Jonny D's look is and, the boobs aren't falling out of the top, but the skirt is so tight. There's a gasp in the audience. Reco says that the model is walking with her neck (but it's not her fault really). He remarks that stretch wool doesn't stretch that much. Keith's look is the other side of the skirt -- it's dark brown. It's paired with a one-shouldered draped blouse in a white fabric with red flowers on it. There's a red belt. He notes that his skirt is too tight as well. Anna's look is . It's the tube dress in brown with a red jacket and weird rope belt. Fern says to Isaac that it's the best dress of the group, but she doesn't really like the jacket. Isaac hates the belt. Andrew's look is last and the must-have has been transformed into a mid-calf pencil skirt with the draped blouse. It looks much better than I would have imagined. The judges seem to like it.
Here's Team Camelot. Daniella is first. It's the bolero matched with a red top and high-waisted slacks. She tried to make something expensive and sophisticated. Merlin interviews that her outfit looked like an old airline uniform. Isaac says that he likes the pants and Fern says it's a "believable outfit." God, I love her. Merlin's dress is and he screams out when his girl enters the runway. The dress? It looks kind of like bloomers. It's blue and red striped, with a big bow on the waist, and, of course, the bolero. Daniella hates the bow. Angel's look is . She matched her bolero with a white polka-dotted halter blouse that tied at the neck and a really neat wrap skirt. Kelly says to Isaac that her jacket doesn't fall correctly. James-Paul's dress is ! I LOVE IT. It's black and totally funky and it makes that little bolero pop like a BITCH! Wow, I thought he was going to be a disaster. Lidia's formal look is . She matched the (poorly tailored) bolero with a coral satin blouse with a ruffle neck. Also, there's an asymmetrical skirt. She's happy with it.
After the show, Christina Bogetti says she didn't like the harem pant. She recalled... MC Hammer. Tadashi Shoji's favorite look was James-Paul's, thank you. He found it stunning. Kara Lusardi had a problem with some of the sewing. She liked Keith's group the most! James Aguiar was impressed that it was a full-fledged show.
With the audience gone, Isaac, Kelly, Fern, and Elie Tahari greet the designers onstage. Kelly says that there wasn't a single must-have piece shown that she must have. Before they dig in, Isaac tells them that he got a lot of criticism when he was young. It was hard to hear, but he says it was all true and he thinks that's what they need right now. Fern says that, in theory, all of the must-haves were great, but they weren't executed well. Isaac says that he was a little embarrassed at the show. If any of them had been employees of his, he would have fired them immediately. He knows what all of them can do from having seen their portfolios, but they let him down. The audience voted on the winning team. Johnny's team is safe. Haven says, "That's impossible!" Merlin's is the winning team! He goes crazy and says, "It's good being a bitch sometimes." Kelly looks shocked and Isaac just giggles and says, "Wow." Daniella doesn't smile at all though and Isaac notices. She mentions that Merlin told her to shut up because of male domination and he says she misunderstood him. Isaac says that you have to be able to learn to say important things without offending others. That's pretty good advice, right? Kelly calls out the top two looks from Merlin's team and they are James-Paul's and Merlin's. Isaac thinks that the bolero works best on Merlin's look. Fern thinks the black and blue on James-Paul's look is very chic. The winner is James-Paul!! Totally deserves that. He interviews that he took a chance and there was a 50/50 chance that he would have pleased the judges.
That means someone from Keith's team is going home. NOT KEITH! You can tell that guy is really talented. It looks like Jonny D is going down, right? Isaac thought they had a good idea, but it was poorly executed. Kelly wonders who could fit into the skirt if not tiny models. Isaac found Jonny's and Kristin's looks most lackluster. Audience comments about Kristin's look included "what was the designer thinking," "bargain-basement," and "poor quality." Elie doesn't think that you would be able to wear her outfit as casual wear and actually feel comfortable. Fern mentions that you can hardly see the skirt. It's must-have, not must-see, Fern. You thought that was bad? The audience said Jonny's design was "slutty," "ill-fitting," and "made the poor model's chest look weird." He replies that he ran into problems, but Isaac says it's such a "breast-centric" design. How could he have problems with breasts? He had fitting problems and time was an issue. The tightness of the skirt was unforgivable. Apparently, the model had to be cut out of it to go to the restroom! That's horrible. But, and maybe this is because she's in something so tight, she looks like one of the larger models there today. They ask Jonny what his expertise is and he says men's wear and tells them that he made everything he is wearing. Isaac seems shocked, but I can't tell if it's good or bad. Fern likes his jacket
The judges deliberate. Fern thinks Jonny should go. Elie disagrees. Fern says Kristin is more creative, but Elie says that Kristin's look was unwearable. Kelly says she wouldn't be caught in either. Back on the runway, Isaac tells Jonny that he used bad proportion and fit. He says that Kristin's work was unfocused. "I gotta tell you, Jonny. We're just not buying it. Goodbye, darling." Kelly tells Kristin that she's hanging "by a thread." Wow. Jonny is tearful and says that he has been told that he will struggle but that he can succeed. He says that this is a bummer. I feel bad for him.
U Can't Touch Jeff Long. He can be reached at jeff.long75@gmail.com.