Scorpius holds John face-down on the floor of the Katratzi hangar bay. I don't know if you've ever been there, but let me tell you: that whole place is filthy. I hate to be like prejudiced or whatever, but when people say that Charrids are dirty, it's not racism: it's simple fact. It's like part of their culture. I'm sorry but I have to say it.
John screams and bucks underneath Scorpius, who tells him he doesn't know what he's doing. John, from his extremely hunched position, says he knows damn well what he's doing: "I'm gonna frickin' nuke you, and half this damn base!" He can see Aeryn's boots, where Scorpius knocked her before this romantic little scene got underway. War Minister Ahkna walks into the bay and Scorpius says quietly, "Kill me later." Ahkna's like, "How about now? You're still my prisoner." I love that, like they were playing Cops & Robbers and he was totally cheating. John, from the floor, looks up and says mushmouthed, "Technically, he's my prisoner." Scorpius sweetly thanks him for the backup, and John tells them all that when Aeryn wakes up, she's totally gonna kill Scorpius herself. It's...they're all being so cute right now that it's hard to really care. The whole episode is not like this, it's wonderful, and this is wonderful but in another way. Emperor Staleek walks in and commences cute-ing: "I'm so pleased to see you're all safe." See what I mean? Adorable. He's attended by Scarran guards, of course, and he actually feels cute enough to give Ahkna a bit of a stroke: apparently her "forces" did a great job "quelling the unrest." And then he tells her to fuck off, all, "...A duty to which I'm sure she's eager to return." She stares at him for a sec and takes off. John, still a pancake under Scorpius: "See ya later, sweetheart!" Cute!
The Emperor takes a step closer to the two men, and...smashes Scorpius in the face! Not cute! He ruined it! Scorpius screams and falls off John, who sits up rubbing his nose, thanks Staleek, and immediately jumps to Aeryn's side. She wakes with a jerk and a cry, and he shushes her with a finger upheld. "Did we win?" she whispers. Cute! The Emperor kneels to them: "You'll be delighted to hear my guards were able to secure the rest of your crew as well. Coincidentally, as they were also nearing exits. Like yourselves, I'm sure they were simply trying to avoid any...entanglement in violence." John asks where they are, and Staleek assures him they're guarded well, and so quite safe. John looks down at his knob, which...now, far be it from me. But how bad do things get before the thing explodes? The leaders of the Scarran army looking down at you while you're getting frotted by the King of Hell and your very own mortal enemy?
"Were you planning to leave?" asks Staleek conversationally. John admits that he was heading out "temporarily," to discuss Grayza's competing offer. "But you had a riot going on, we didn't want to bother you. We decided to take our own car." Staleek tells them he's lucky they didn't leave: "Base defenses have been placed on highest alert. Any non-Scarran vessels will automatically be targeted and destroyed." So as usual, Scorpius is the good guy. John nods that they're lucky, and Staleek offers to convey him to the Carrier. John says that's very kind. "My pleasure, John," says Staleek. I think somehow this whole fuckup actually ended up making Staleek respect him more. That is so John Crichton, though: now that you've seen the chaos he barely even has to try and create around himself, aren't you going to treat him a little nicer? He's like a gun-toting Pippi Longstocking. In leather.
Captain Jenek comms the Emperor, regarding Lo'La, that she is an Eradicator, of Topratkin design. So I guess I'll write that down for later! He says the fugly DRDs are already pulling the star charts and vector logs, and "completely neutralized her systems." Somewhere, Chiana's already planning her comeback tour of D'Argo's face. Staleek tells them to completely wipe Lo'La when they're done, so nobody will know they've checked her out. Yucky, for some reason.
Scorpius stands in front of a table, leaning on his hands and trying to explain to the cast that he prevented their leaving for their own protection. D'Argo and Rygel get pissed to learn about this interesting thing he's done, but John's already up to speed: "You stuck a knife in our back!" Scorpius shakes his head: "Your plan would've failed." Because they would have been blown up, for starters? Chiana's like, "We could've been on Lo'La by now!" and Sikozu interrupts her, ordering her to hear him out, and Scorpius shouts at them that Lo'La's quite likely already disabled by the Scarrans. D'Argo says it's impossible, which it I guess isn't, and Scorpius continues: "...And found Moya. Even if we managed to get off Katratzi, the base's weapons would have destroyed us." Right, exactly. It didn't occur to me until just now, but I always kind of loved the awesome protection and D'Argo-Only Access of Lo'La. It is right that you should have one thing of your own, and all that, and the fact that she loved only him meant he could get closer to the Aeryn/Pilot side of the warrior line -- and the Farscape One side of his line with John. It balances things out and contributes to his bad-ass quotient.
Now, that's all true, but I don't like her getting interfered with. Speak though it might of Chiana's good fortune in the near future. Aeryn's like, "Stealth is no longer an option." Because that's always Aeryn's first plan. She's such a subtle girl. "Does Lo'La have enough firepower to blast us out?" That's more like it. She and D'Argo stand close to each other and talk warrior talk, and the awesome part is that Lo'La probably could: "I'd call Lo'La, she'd blast a hole, and we'd run through." Love it. John's like, "Now, before someone else screws us." So D'Argo goes, "Okay." They never just do the plan! I love this! He calls her. She sits in the hangar bay, still and silent, surrounded by Scarran guards. "Duhstu hapeesta!" he calls again, but there's no answer.
Chiana immediately assumes the comms are jammed, but they're not. Sikozu's like, then they disabled Lo'La, just like Scorpius said. She somehow avoids licking her thumb and putting yet another mark on the invisible scoreboard, but honestly: it's like, do the Kalish have a symbol for infinity? D'Argo says that this thing, which is totally possible and in fact has happened, is impossible, and Chiana suggests they still try getting their "free ride" out on the Command Carrier. One of the things I like best about the season is how the crew finally started seeing their freedom, their sovereignty and family, as independent of the PK threat: the PKs are just tools. Like the Scarrans, like technology, like Rygel and Noranti: good for things. Take the fear out of the equation and you start saying stuff like, "Hey Command Carrier, can we hitch a ride?" or "We totally have to get Grayza fired." You see the system for what it is, anarchic and shifting with a lot of little gaps, and you realize that not only have the walls disappeared, they never existed. It's gorgeous. It's Aeryn.
Ahkna's like, "Try it and find out," and John tells her he doesn't even know what the fuck she's talking about. "Oh, let me enlighten you! Grayza doesn't frighten me, her Command Carrier doesn't frighten me, your bomb doesn't frighten me..." She reaches out and runs her finger over the top of the bomb. John's priapic little bone of contention, she touches it. Hands on the knob! John backs the hell up and she smiles. "...And neither do you." He looks at her and grins: "Damn. I'm on the brink of devastation, Minnie Pearl." She throws him like a ragdoll, a Scarran guard blocks Aeryn, and Ahkna climbs up and onto John, giving the Fat Man a good feel. "...Perhaps we should go there together." John collapses back onto the table, because: again? So soon?
But also, between Scorpius last week and now Ahkna, Aeryn's getting some competition in the "rubbing up on John Crichton" sweepstakes that once was her proudest and most admirable accomplishment. Credits.
PA talking ugly Scarran talk, 1812 dancing around in a room and assuring John it's bug-free. "Good boy." Scorpius follows John into the room for his come-to-Jesus. John cocks Winona and shows her to Scorpius's face, then lays her gently down on the table. Got it? "Okay, convince me." Crystherium Utilia, Scorpius says, and then a flashback to him touching the flowers. "Very important." John's like, seriously. "That why they're growing them in the Bat Cave?" Scorpius nods, remembering that John's been down there. "Listen up, Grasshopper: I finally have a plan that works. It's simple! We get in, we break bread, we see the sights, we grab you, we get out. And now you're gonna throw flowers at me?" Scorpius is like, yeah. "We need to destroy the Crystherium!" John sighs and shakes his head: "Flowers trump wormholes?" Scorpius says that, at the moment, they do. And they do. And they always do. And this entire scene takes way too long, but we've gotta get back to Harvey, gotta play Find The Lady with Scorpius, and gotta play up the whole plot of this episode, which is that flowers trump bombs, in a way where it doesn't sound all Kent State stupid.
John cups a smoke and lights it with a Zippo, across from Harvey at a desk like in Homicide. (I don't know if that's the reference, but I do know Homicide was Farscape with cops, and that the Wire people are at least as scary as Farscape or Veronica Mars people, with similarly good reason.) Harvey is wearing a knitted cap over his mask, like a perp. There are flashes of crazy, and John tells Harvey no smoking in his head. I wonder -- this isn't the first time John's been angry and weird about smoking -- what kind of cancer it was, with Leslie. Do we ever know for sure? I know lots of people like that. John busts Harvey across the face and knocks his coffee right out of his hand. They front on each other at length and finally John indicates the Bird of Paradise plant on his desk, and Harvey laughs. "The number-one secret in the whole Scarran Empire. Huh! Even the Charrids and the Kalish haven't figured its real deal." Harvey sits back, crossing his arms over his chest, secure in the knowledge that, crappy American accent aside, Scorpius and Harvey are one of the most indelibly wonderful villains in the history of television.
Scorpius explains how Stark once lived on Katratzi, assisting the leadership caste with their death rituals. (Flashback, unnecessarily, to Stark in the Gammak base, acting crazy and screaming "my side, your side" and getting off in the Aurora Chair. In case you were lucky enough to forget about freakin' Stark for a second.) "That's why you were torturing him when I met you?" Whoa! Retroactive continuity! Love it. "Crystherium growth requires very specific and rare conditions. The Scarrans can only propel their power forward from these very few locations." So, John figures, simply destroying a bunch of flowers is supposed to set them back? "For hundreds of cycles." But why?
Harvey has another cup of coffee: "'Cause they need 'em. Scarrans: simplistic, brutish creatures. Shoulda died out generations ago." And if they eat the flower? "Big brains. Evolutionarily competitive: Staleek, Ahkna." And if not? Harvey leans forward. "Your dog could beat them at checkers!" John knocks the coffee out of Harvey's hand again.
"Though Stark provided many details," Scorpius continues, "I was unable to learn of Katratzi's location. You rescued him prior to that breakthrough." John "apologizes," and as usual, Scorpius hates that kind of insincerity: "No, you're not." He nearly shrugs. "You were taking too long with the wormholes, John. Reality provides opportunity. I needed some way to hurt the Scarrans now."
John bitches at Harvey (and Scorpius also) about how this makes no sense. He's frustrated enough to slap himself on the forehead. "You...you take the knowledge from my head, and then you tell me that you give it to him. What, so I'm gonna rescue him?" Scorpius: "I have no wormhole knowledge, John."
But then Harvey, what? Harvey smiles after a coffin flashback from the first chapter of the trilogy: "So what? I lied."
Scorpius smiles, a little sadly: "Harvey? Oh, that is clever. We had a deal. I help you rescue Aeryn Sun from the Scarrans, you give me wormholes."
John spins the Zippo on his desk as Harvey admits the truth: "Boss says lay low, don't go near him anymore. Give him some peace."
Scorpius is like, "So I guess you betrayed me?" and Harvey spells it out: "You went and left him behind. To die."
It's weird having Harvey and Scorpius say the story at the same time: "You had no intention of returning for my rescue, did you?"
Harvey: "Fail-safe. You screw the boss, I find a way to get you re-interested."
John's upset, of course, but frames it as Scorpius trying to put his shit on John. "If my neural clone has returned, it is only because you have betrayed me."
John: "You trying to say Harvey's back because of me?" Yeah. And because you killed Aeryn. Again. And Chiana. And everything inside. "You should honor your contracts, John." He shakes his head: "No. No contract. You betrayed us."
"We had a deal," says Harvey. John slams his hand on the desk. "NO! He screwed us!" Harvey calls attention to John's totally bankrupt high horse. "We had a deal! You took a bribe. You banked the cut, but when the heat's on...you're just another dumb copper doin' his job. Unbelievable!" Harvey slurps coffee noisily, and reaches for a jelly donut: "Look at these beauties!" John stands up and knocks the donut out of Harvey's hand, ashamed for being ashamed. "Would you have left me to perish with the Scarrans?" Under the circumstances? "Yeah." Harvey leans in and explains Farscape to John, one more time. "Hey. He's right, you know. We're brothers from different sides of an imaginary line...your side/my side, my side..." And John screams again: "Siddown!"
"So, here we are. Cadaver and Hutch. A team." Scorpius snorts but nods. And now? Now, we destroy the flowers. And if John says no, which he won't, but if he does, Scorpius will do it himself. On the other hand, "Rest assured mine is now the only path off Katratzi." Which, yeah. Harvey tells John he better listen: "He's smarter than you." John complains that Scorpius used him; Scorpius corrects him: "We use each other." John finally grasps part of the point: "You're better at it." Scorpius smiles inside: "Oh, you're learning." He compliments John on the bomb -- again, in case it wasn't obvious how gross the bomb plan actually is -- and John gets up, unready for that jelly. He uncocks Winona and stands up to walk away: "When it goes off? Plan on being nearby." John's so close to taking his freedom back from Scorpius, and he doesn't even see it yet, because he's too intimately tied up with him still. The relationship has a lot of baggage and history that is a burden for John, and none of the sort for Scorpius; you see the system for what it is, anarchic and shifting with a lot of little gaps, and you realize that not only have the walls disappeared, they never existed. Scorpius can just love John for what he is, because he's already defined his responsibility and none of it gets on him.
"Four hundred Scarran Scrambler Cannons were trained on us the microt that you entered here," Braca explains to John and Aeryn, as Commandant Grayza sits nearby. "Minister Ahkna informed us that, unless you were returned to them safely, they'd fire." Aeryn's like, under the truce, they can't do that. "They'll let us go," Grayza clarifies, "They just won't let you leave with us." That would violate the terms of the agreement. Grayza asks Braca and Aeryn for a moment alone. John nods at Aeryn and tells her to stay on comms. I only hate Grayza when John's around, but that doesn't mean I want to see her brought low. I hope she can get through this with a little grace. Una poca de gracia, you might say. This week particularly.
Captain Braca walks quickly along beside Aeryn: "There's nothing that I can do to help. Even the enhanced Marauder wouldn't get you clear. The Scarrans are on full alert, weapons primed...you'll never get out of here." She abruptly breaks off from him with a "see you later," and he's confused. "Where are you going? That's a medical area." She nods, saying simply that she has something to take care of. "Personal problem?" Yeah. He gets official, because he's Braca: "Let's go." She just stares him down: "You need to watch?" He tells a guard to wait for her, and walks off; she goes into the medical bay. Four people: the Commandant and the Captain; the Assassin and the Astronaut. Connected by blood and sex and power and violence. And Aeryn's headed into the med bay, even as Grayza's baring herself before John, who will ignore her. And Braca will go on thinking he frelled Grayza, and pining for the one person who's closer to Aeryn and John both than anyone else. It's all quite dreadful to contemplate.
"All that astonishing wormhole knowledge and still you will not share it with us," Grayza hisses. "You came in here big and bold, dancing on tabletops. And look at you now, begging for scraps." John clarifies: "I may be jammed. Possibly dead. But I am not begging. You can get that fantasy out of your head." He turns his head and looks at her, but he can't hold the glance. His face is...there's hurt there. More than you might have thought. "In my hands, you can have peace. I can have peace!" Points off for word choice, since he immediately and poisonously seizes on it: "I have been in your hands. There's no peace there. Just power." It's as close as he'll get to admitting what happened, what she took. Girls and boys deal with things in different ways: no bi-curious escapades with spider people (besides the Scorpius thing), no time-traveling redemption. Just this: in the end Grayza did not benefit, and he's worked it out for himself. By saving the unsaveable, by rescuing the princess, by swallowing Scorpius's darkness and seeing it in himself, by teaching himself manhood again, he got Winona back.
"You are so self-righteous! I have used all my skills, all my resources, for one perfect chance at peace." It's one thing to call her a whore for the heppel oil; that I respect. But she betrays herself if she thinks that what she did to John was equal in its purity and pragmatism. In this second she says she'll never be more. "And because of you, it is gone. And I am..." She bites her lip. "Frelled? Screwed?" He finally looks at her, full of rage. "Raped?" She takes a breath and raises her head, unable to face his indictment. "Welcome to the Universe, Commandant." John stands up and walks out. Resolution, with all Scorpius's dictionary différance intact: the violation's off the table. If we see her again, it'll be brought low. You lose the fear and you take back that power -- and you have to figure this out for yourself, it's different every time -- and the universe changes around you. Fat Man's now dispensable, and that's the point of the trilogy, because this show curls up around itself like DNA.
Chiana's amazed, speaking of getting things back no boy should be without, that they let her and D'Argo back on Lo'La. "Everything's working, right?" It does seem to be; the infringement remains a secret. "All right, well, let's get the others, blast our way outta here." She runs an instrument over the ceiling, walking on the console. Like she runs the place! He sniffs and says no, somebody's been there. "I can smell it." He's gotta make sure she's really his again. "The defenses were up, right?" She continues to work on the ceiling; Lo'La beeps and hums at them. "No, I don't know what they've done. Maybe frelled with the weapons? Planted a homing beacon. Or a bomb." It's a mystery, this love story. They'll have to work on this together, make sure there aren't any other booby-traps. (Aeryn's still in the Carrier's med bay, solving mysteries.) Chiana climbs down, over D'Argo. "Frell it! I have to shut the ship down and run a full systems diagnostic check." Lo'La beeps in response; Chiana asks how long that'll take. Three hours. "What if it finds something that we can't fix?" Then they go with Scorpius's plan: "The frelling elevators."
Rygel's like: "Lock ourselves in an elevator while it tunnels through the solid rock?" Noranti says it sounds reasonable, but Rygel thinks it just sounds fahrbot. Scorpius allows that Sikozu might not be able to provide elevator access, so they have to find Stark. Rygel's great: "What?" Noranti asks who that is, and Rygel's just like, "Another lunatic with the wrong number of eyes." She nods. "Oh." Ha! Stark comes in, and Rygel goes, "And there he is." Scorpius whispers that he's not: "That is a bioloid replica." Thank God! Rygel asks how he could know that, and Scorpius realigns all my trouble from last week like a magic chiropractor: "Stark would never torture me." He tells us that Staleek replaced Stark to fool Ahkna. What? We are moving really fast. Rygel's even like, "So but you're actually working for Staleek?" and Scorpius agrees that Staleek is, in fact, under that impression. Noranti volubly admires Scorpius's "compartmentalization of duplicity," as do I. Scorpius explains they need to find the real Stark, who's gotta be chained in a bioloid duplicator somewhere.
John asks where Aeryn went, when she went, and she'll only tell him it was unfinished business. "Wanna to tell me about it?" She says "later"; everybody watching screams their stupid heads off. Ahkna watches them as John fills her in on everybody: "D'Argo's still workin' on his ship, and Sikozu's tryin' to scan the codes." Aeryn asks for options. "We could always give the Scarrans what they want," he laughs, and she points out that they would die within seconds. Also everybody else, but I guess that goes without saying. They enter their room, where Ahkna is waiting. "Or, we could try the banzai approach," John says loudly, not yet seeing her: "Or we could just follow Scorpy's plan." He turns around and sees Ahkna and immediately jumps back onto a table, to get away from her hat. "Damn! You cannot stop following me around, can ya?" She nods. "And you just can't leave. Wouldn't Grayza help you?" He informs her -- played, remember, by Browder's wife Francesca Buller, the most talented alien lady this side of anywhere -- that Grayza's now the high bidder. Ahkna says she's ready to make her offer: "You'll go free. Now. You leave Scorpius behind, for me." John asks what's in it for her; Ahkna walks towards John and Aeryn immediately, awesomely, steps between them. "I will make sure the Hierarchy blames Staleek for your escape." John's like, "As we all know, I am ignorant of Scarran politics, but I'm guessing that means you'll get his job." Ahkna sighs and looks down; Aeryn smiles. "Ambition," he says, and looks at her hard. "Well. If it were done when 'tis done, 't'were best it were done quickly." Ahkna stares at him and ignores the reference -- those Scarrans have like no culture at all -- and nods almost imperceptibly. Aeryn watches Ahkna and then stands before her, looking straight into her face. Ahkna inclines her head, smiles, and walks around Aeryn, chuckling to herself as she leaves. John jumps off the table and stands right behind his Aeryn. "Thanks," he murmurs. "She scares the crap outta me." Aeryn looks after her for a bit, darts her eyes at John, and somehow manages not to smile as Claudia Black awesomely ad libs, with a tiny nod: "It's the hat." John, equally admirable, also does not break into giggles. Cute! So cute!
Jenek enters the Emperor's chambers with a Kalish male. "About Crichton's bomb. In under a quarter of an arn, we will have computed the final code." The Kalish hands the Emperor a device and Staleek holds it up: "Satisfactory."
Sikozu walks down the corridor to the elevator again, with her Kalish bioloid buddy. He informs her that the codes have been changed due to the riots. "What can be done?" Sikozu and the Resistance Kalish pretend to be loitering administratively as a Charrid soldier exits the elevator and stalks on. "There's a master keychip that overrides all codes," the helpful robot offers. "It'll run the elevator, and give you complete access to the system's schematics." That's an amazing little thing right there. Especially since we've never heard of it. "Can you get it?" she asks, and sighs when he says it'll be really hard. "And if I get caught?" Sikozu completes the thought: it would expose the entire Kalish underground. "Just tell me this: will it help defeat the Scarrans?" She nods, meaning it. "Yes. Yes, it will." He leaves, and she watches him go. In her element she is just about the best thing ever. I wish there were more bioloids. The Kalish underground is like the only good thing in the entire U.T.
John has the bomb in his hands, and he's written "Hi There" on one side. Aeryn asks what he's thinking. "I think Lady MacBeth is gonna find a way to screw us, but Staleek is probably way ahead of her." Aeryn hums, nodding. "Which leaves us with Plan..." Aeryn completes the thought: "E." He smiles at her and they say it together: "E for elevator!" Not only cute, but also verrry romantic, considering the whole Sesame Street thing from back on Earth. His plan, his language, his alphabet: her more. And it's not a one-way street either, so there's no weirdness. I love this show so much. "Mm hmm. And I'm gonna tap dance for the Emperor." She cautions him that Staleek's not an idiot, and John nods. "But he can't do jack to me as long as this bomb's ticking." John and Aeryn look at each other, and the bomb slowly winds down and stops ticking. Lovely. Commercial.
John and Aeryn hurry down a Katratzi corridor, useless bomb in hand. "You can't reactivate the bomb in any way?" He almost grins. "Not in any useful manner." Chiana comms in asking what the hell they're supposed to do; D'Argo tells him Lo'La's diagnostic will take at least another hour. Rygel and Noranti comm in to say that they're going to get caught way before that. "Sparky, where are ya?" Rygel tells him there are Charrids everywhere. "Can't go anywhere at this point," Noranti says. John just tells them to get to the elevator if they can. Noranti asks Rygel where the elevator is; Staleek asks Ahkna where Crichton is. This is like Doctor Who with the running around like Benny Hill all of a sudden. Like Ahkna might be wearing a bikini suddenly. She says he won't get far: "The station is sealed." Staleek tells her that might just end up being her epitaph.
Scorpius stands with Sikozu as she works the elevator console; sparks are shooting out of it, so it's like that. John and Aeryn run up as the base PA broadcasts short ugly words. "Sikozu has managed to summon the Rabrokator," Scorpius says, and John asks what the hell that is. "Some kind of massage tool?" (...What?) Sikozu explains it's a drilling elevator, like a Wonkavator basically, but that they need the keychip to actually use it. The elevator doors open and the people inside are like, "Bwuh?" John hits the Kalish occupant, Aeryn hits the Charrid, and together they immediately drag them out of the elevator.
D'Argo runs up. I am a lot happier when everybody's together. "What's he doing here?" D'Argo asks, guarding the elevator while they work. "Scorpius? He's giving us the shaft, as usual," says John, and ushers everybody inside: "Everybody in. Mind the gap. Safer in than out." Kinda! Sikozu gets on with Scorpius, who suggests she crosswire the drilling controls, as Chiana's hurrying onboard, and Sikozu says it still won't work without the thing. The Kalish bioloid runs up, getting the business end of D'Argo's Qualta in his face, and he begs for mercy as everybody points their guns at him. Sikozu hurries over and tells everybody to chill out. They do, and he hands her the chip. She sighs and thanks him.
Rapid gunfire rings out, and the Kalish Underground guy drops dead; everybody shoots back and Sikozu screams. The doors close on several Scarrans shooting in; Aeryn tells Sikozu to get them moving. She chips the console and gets control; the elevator jerks and jumps and Sikozu cries out. Chiana tells her she drives like dren, and everybody holds on as John orders her to get the drills working. Scorpius says to head to the Crystherium cavern: "The shaft ends there. It means they will not be able to reach us in another car." And it also means that Sikozu will have more time to activate the drill. She nods, because of course Scorpius not only always gets what he wants, but he's always right. Rygel and Noranti, still out in the base, can't seem to raise Crichton on comms. "Frell him!" shouts Rygel, and gives in. "Let's find Stark." When even Rygel is like, "Clearly Stark," you know you're screwed. Noranti gets the cute kind of Alzheimer's on him: "Good idea. ...Why?" Because Stark knows the base, so maybe he knows a way out. Noranti nods and follows the Jazzy. So scary! A troika of the three least dependable, nuttiest people in the universe. They'll end up killing everybody! Even Chiana would be like, "That sounds like a really bad idea. Maybe I should help them out."
A Scarran watches a Kalish working on the elevator with Ahkna close by. Sparks and everything. Ahkna growls that they're in the Rabrokator, which they're trying to override, and the approaching Staleek growls back.
Grayza looks out a Carrier porthole, at Katratzi. Braca comes in and tells her that there's been weapons fire in the base. "Communication intercepts indicate Scarran forces are in pursuit of Crichton, with orders to kill." She assumes they've deactivated the bomb, which Braca notes means that "he's lost." Who's he talking about? Depends on if you believe in true love. "As are we," says Grayza, and stalks toward command. "Go to battle stations." Oh, snap! Her ass is crazy! Braca's like, "Ma'am?" and she gets very cold and very still: "Are you questioning me?" Um, yes I am, Admiral Cain. Peace doesn't really favor the middle-finger kamikaze approach. Charging Katratzi now is just so...bratty!
The elevator stops with a crash and the doors start to open. Sikozu says she can't get the drill going, and John calls her Sputnik. "Stay on it." The three gunmen exit; Scorpius and Chiana follow. Sikozu calls out to Chiana, because the doors are suddenly closing thanks to the tinkering upstairs, and Chiana hops back into the doorway, holding them open. Scorpius roams out into the flowers. "Aeryn, stay with him. Be careful," John murmurs. Aeryn takes off after Scorpius. And Sikozu yells, hilariously, "They're trying to override the override!" John hates "dueling overrides," don't you? For some reason that makes me laugh. I think because it reminds me of my favorite funny line in the whole series, Stark's whole speech about "The explosion should make the budong vomit, and you can ride out on the wave of the vomit, in front of the vomit" in "Green Eyed Monster," which for some reason is the funniest thing to me (Me! Vomitâs greatest enemy! The Emetic Avenger!), and the reason that I decided I was in love with him against all mandate of reason. D'Argo tells Sikozu that Lo'La should now be functional, so if Sikozu can drill them to the surface they'll be free and clear. I'll tell you right now that's not happening.
Scorpius walks out into the field of flowers, staring at the Matriarch plant on its stage. "We must destroy them." Aeryn asks why as John joins them. "The mother plant is the key: it fertilizes the others. Kill it, and no new Crystherium can grow here." He hurries out into the flowers, and John and Aeryn follow behind. Scorpius picks a bloom and throws it on the floor, aiming a Charrid rifle at the Matriarch. A force field jumps up around it, but he just keeps shooting, again and again. "Shielded," Aeryn says.
The Kalish dealing with the elevator controls notifies Staleek that the Rabrokator has stopped at the caverns, which predictably drives Staleek nuts. The Kalish nods at his outburst and keeps working.
Sikozu uses both her hands to press controls in the elevator, begging it quietly to work. Chiana -- both arms and legs splayed to hold the doors open -- urges her to hurry. "This door's getting pushier." She fights the door; Sikozu fights the controls.
Scorpius keeps shooting, futilely, at the Matriarch. He begins to sound less like Normal Scorpius and a lot more like Scary Growling Half-Scarran Scorpius. You never hear that voice unless it's for that second that he goes crazy and then gets it together. I don't know if that's so likely right now. "Stark didn't know about it. Stark didn't know about it! This must be a new addition by the Scarrans! Rrrrr!" He starts walking toward the Matriarch plant as John, Aeryn, and D'Argo watch from the stairs. He really just goes nuts, frothing and growling. "He doesn't like to lose, does he?" asks John, but it's like: how would anyone know? It's Scorpius. He's never done this before. Of course he's losing it. The elevator clanks and whirs, and Sikozu tells them the drills are going. "We can core our way to anywhere on the planet." Chiana's still having crazy trouble with the doors.
The Kalish tells Staleek he's got control, and Staleek orders him to get it back up to their level so they can get down there and misbehave.
Chiana, caught in the overridden doors, screams for D'Argo; he runs to help her. John considers Scorpius, who is now crazily climbing onto the Matriarch platform like the S&M ghost of King Kong. He looks totally freaking crazy. Chiana grunts in pain as D'Argo helps her get the doors open again. John and Aeryn in the middle. Chiana and D'Argo trying to open the door and keep them safe. Sikozu trying to keep the elevator under control. And on the other side, Scorpius acting like a giant freak and menacing the Matriarch with his creepy hands. Something deft is happening with the elevator: D'Argo finally gets the door open, crawling beneath Chiana. Between her legs. She jumps into the elevator with a groan and thud, and D'Argo blocks the door with his feet, ushering her out again, and she then climbs underneath him, between his legs. Everybody but Rygel and Noranti, who have no disconnect from the body at all -- which is both their virtue and their vice -- are down in an immense cavern which contains a plant they call the Matriarch. At the bottom of a giant shaft, which they're hoping to climb or rocket themselves back out of. Inside a giant drill.
And what's Scorpius doing? Screaming at the Matriarch, which is a symbol of Scarran intelligence. The heart of Scarran society, which abused and tortured him and his mother both, for which he debases himself as a double agent. He wants to destroy the Scarrans; by accident of birth he is half-Scarran. You feel for him, here in its heart, unable to simply crush it. Here at the bottom of the well.
Sikozu falls backwards out of the elevator, between D'Argo's legs, and he himself jumps back, letting the doors shut them all out. "We couldn't override their override of our override," he comms, and John snits, "They stole our getaway car." Aeryn doesn't stop staring at Scorpius as she mumbles, "That's our only way out." Sikozu and Chiana lean on the elevator doors, listening to the action in the shaft, and then abruptly break away and start running toward us. "And their way in," John says, and Aeryn turns to look at him.
Scarran soldiers load into the elevator, and Staleek tells Ahkna her father would be proud: "Security under him was riddled with top-down incompetence as well." He turns his back on her, all, "Good one, me," and Jenek comms immediately that Grayza's Command Carrier is getting battle-ready. Staleek growls and hates females some more.
D'Argo confirms for Chiana that there are no other exits: "Nothing but rock and hay-fever." There is a rumbling noise from the elevator shaft and Chiana tells them company's coming. "Frell," Sikozu says discreetly. D'Argo's like, "Time to go." But where do you go when you can't get out? You turn into something else.
Scorpius is still growling at the Matriarch; his slapping hands force red sparks and burn him but he keeps going. "Grasshopper?" John and Aeryn run to him, as D'Argo yells for them to hide; John and Aeryn drop down again into the field of flowers. D'Argo comes running down the stairs with Chiana and Sikozu following him.
There are four Scarran soldiers riding on the elevator -- John's bomb is on the floor near them.
Chiana and Sikozu scurry into the flowers and Aeryn tells them to drop. John looks at Chiana: "Hey, did you get my bomb?" Chiana cocks her head at him and Aeryn is startled. He slaps his forehead, hilariously. "I can't believe it! I left a nuclear bomb in an elevator." He nurses the headache he just gave himself; Chiana assures him he's done worse, in his time.
Aeryn worries that their weapons will be useless if they're Scarrans; John of course is like, "It's totally gonna be Scarrans." Scorpius joins John in the plants: "She cannot be taken alive, John." He drags Scorpius down into the plants and tells him to STFU about that. "Am I wrong," asks Chiana, "or are we frelled?" Sikozu shakes her head: "No." Got a new magic power, do ya? Of course she does. She finally spills about the whole bioloid thing: "There are others like me. We are part of a resistance movement dedicated to overthrowing Scarran domination." In the shaft, a Scarran smells and then notices the bomb. "We are genetically engineered to kill Scarrans by emitting an intense radiation that specifically destroys their heat-producing gland."
John asks if anybody else knew about this, and Aeryn literally goes, "Bwuh?" John drops his head and sighs; D'Argo tells Sikozu to go ahead and be magical some more. "Not without a promise first. If the Scarrans were to learn there are others engineered like myself, they would kill millions of innocents to root us out." D'Argo shakes his head. She's still learning how we do things. "Sikozu, we're a team. Your promise is safe."
The elevator stops and the leader orders the Guards to take formation. They prime their weapons and face the door. As it opens, you can tell they're leaving the bomb there.
Sikozu shakes her head and sighs sadly. "D'Argo...the Scarrans are very good at retrieving the truth." John and Aeryn, as one, assure her they're never getting tortured again. I'm Butch. This is Sundance. D'Argo: "Agreed. Go." The family enters a pact, led by Sikozu, that says freedom outweighs safety. They won't go down again.
As the Scarrans head out into the cavern, Sikozu hands D'Argo the keychip: "Do not look upon me." Scorpius stands up too and she gives him a hard look: "Especially you." John pulls Scorpius back down into the field of flowers; Sikozu stands alone. The Scarrans reach the stairs and sight her: "Kalish, present yourself and surrender." They start toward her. This is why she's a worthy lover for Scorpius: she burns. In the chamber of the Matriarch, Sikozu holds her arms out, cruciform, and slowly begins to rise in the air, giving off a rose-colored glow. She shimmers; waves of radiation play across the field. The leader hisses, trains his gun on her; she becomes brighter and brighter. The Scarrans gag and scream. She is the embodiment of a people's rage; the power of political protest. She's the burning truth of justice, in a field of flowers. She's Johnny Radiation and Molly Pitcher, Harriet Tubman and anyone who ever drew the line of responsibility around herself further than her own eye could see. She is revolution, beautiful and terrible, self-sacrificing, recombinant and self-resurrecting. I go on and on, but come on: there's not enough room in the speed of this story to spend this much time on a single image unless it counts. Unless she was La Bomba all along.
The Fat Man was obscenity compared to this: a woman doing the one thing she was born to do, for freedom. Even in a cavern with just a few Scarrans around to make it count, she is beautiful and strong. Here's a list of things that glow: Moya as she knits herself in the fabric of the universe, moving under its surface and in its infinity. Zhaan, as she finally passes over to the Goddess forever, without ever having met this woman, which whom she shares so much rage and passion and truth. Stark in the moment of his (sometimes her, don't forget) connection with the divine. She is his dark mirror, in service to higher ideals than anyone else has managed to retain, good or bad, that we've yet seen. There's a kind of grace in this that we could only see in Season Four, and no sooner: a beautiful and terrible revolution. Everything all at once, dark and white, both sides of an imaginary line. Your side, my side, and the side that both hates the conflict and becomes its avatar. The burning woman in her holiness and rage. No Peacekeepers, no Scarrans, just this burning girl, saying her holy No. This is how revolutions happen: people taste this state and realize how good it can feel to be revolting. She's Scorpius as he could be: leaving his fear and hatred behind, turning his face from the flowers and burning with that light. The taint in his rebellion removed, leaving only something terrible and bright. I mean, girlfriend gets no credit. This is the show's love letter to her, and all her sisters and brothers. You have to earn it.
(I promised I wouldn't do this anymore, but it's ridiculous: "Baba O'Reilly" just started on the shuffle. I don't know if that's retarded or what, but you should know that. It's making me laugh. Shuffle's got an effed sense of humor, quaint in its way.)
John turns his face and covers his eyes; Scorpius puts his head down. The Scarrans drop. Her light fells them all, such is its brilliance: One of the Scarrans falls on his face from the stairs. She finally drops to the flowers, spent, and everybody jumps into action. I need a nap too, girl! John and Aeryn try to get Scorpius together; D'Argo -- the only one in attendance who knows what it is, to be subjugated, the only other buffalo soldier -- kneels by Sikozu. He's joined by Chiana, whose race is defined by control and submission. They attend Sikozu in her rest and ascertain she'll be okay. Sikozu lies on the floor among the flowers, silent. Scorpius stands, still staring at the Matriarch. Not getting it. Frothing and growling. "Grasshopper," John says, almost tenderly. "It's time."
Scorpius whips around on John, and growls. Like a beast. He swipes at the flowers like a reaper with his Charrid rifle. "Do the math! It's over." Scorpius turns and aims at John: "I. Do. Not. Lose!" He's nearly incomprehensible. I hate to see him like this. It's not the losing, it's the submission to his anger and the monster that it makes him. After so many years of control and brilliance, of course he's losing his shit in a field of flowers, with his lover Djancaz-bru just a few feet away, recovering from glory. John says he'll be happy to give Scorpius some Losing 101 lessons later, but for now: "You in or out?" Scorpius sighs and finally lowers the gun, sparing one last hiss back at the Matriarch like Dr. Claw: "time, Gadget. time." With the growly voice and all.
D'Argo runs up to the elevator and opens the doors easily. Now that we've gotten the Sikozu set piece out of the way, now that Scorpius has allowed John to be the angel of his better nature just once, returning the favor -- now that John's admitted his grace lies in knowing how to lose -- now that we've seen the stakes and how high they go, we can open the door crazy easy. Scorpius turns off his rifle and trudges back with them, head down.
Noranti stands up slowly in the bioloid chamber, Rygel floating beside her. "Is that him?" He confirms that Stark is indeed sleeping in that glass box, and tells her to open it up. Another Stark, the gross and not awesome one, approaches, walking slowly down the stairs. Tell me Good Stark's got the hottie hair...yes he does. Most excellent. Rygel and Noranti raise the lid on the case together, grunting. The body setting spirit free. Stark lies within, eyes closed. It's a fairy tale. He slowly opens his eye, focusing on the Dominar. "Rygel?" He looks down, shaking his head: "Oh, you lunatic." It's kinda like rubbing a lantern marked "Fucking Annoying," but I love him for all that. "You're green!" he says to Noranti, and she smiles -- not to say primps -- down at him: "How lovely of you to notice." Crazy people are just so...crazy! And now there are four of them in a room at once on a highly-guarded military base!
"Is nothing sacred?" calls out the tainted Stark from the stairs, shocking Noranti into dropping the lid again. The very question is gross, coming from him. "You wanna deal with Stark, you're gonna have to deal with me." Bad Stark grabs Rygel by the throat, and starts choking him. Shut up, Evil Stark. Gross. "You pompous little Dominar of Nothing! I'm gonna rip your tiny little heart out." If Stark connects you to Heaven, what's this bitch do? Noranti pulls a knife out of her skirts and throws it. Into Bad Stark's eye! Damn! It pokes out of the eyehole in his mask and he turns his head robotically toward her, and then back. Nasty white bioloid junk drips out of his face and mouth. I guess abominations fall under things you're allowed to kill, according to Noranti. I'll co-sign that. Fake images getting dropped left and right; lies turning back into truth, and Stark will be freed from his glass coffin, where he waits to bring his particular blend of awesome and bullshit back into the fold. Rygel gasps, "Thanks, Witch," and she nods. "My pleasure." Mine too! That was rad!
Staleek and Jenek walk around the Imperial Chambers, on comms with Grayza, who is quite quickly turning completely nuts. "Commandant Grayza, see reason," he pleads with her. On the Carrier, Grayza paces as Braca does console stuff. "Reason indicates that you have subverted this conference," she says in a clipped but crazy voice, "and with it, any chance of peace." Staleek calls her ridiculous: "Your vessel arms itself for battle, while we continue to operate under a banner of truce." "Reason," she snips back, "dictates that I not believe a single word you say." Grayza stares down into her Carrier, steeling herself for total death, as Staleek again asks her to reconsider. "Peacekeeper. Adhere to the name you have chosen for your kind." He turns to Jenek and says if they get hairy, to annihilate them without mercy.
Braca finally joins Grayza at her window and asks what the fuck she thinks she's doing. "Pursuing honor, Captain." Braca's like, "...Um? We're at peace, under truce...vastly outnumbered..." She turns on him, with the crazy very strong in her. "...And about to rewrite the course of history. Prepare to launch simultaneous salvos on every weapons system now!" I mean, you can see how she works. Peace, as long as you can, but backed into the corner like this? With John and Scorpius out of reach and no way to keep the Cold War going? Burn with revolution. Burn until there's nothing left. She's always thought of herself as the "only" this and the "only" that -- she's the only PK that really gets it, the only officer that wants peace as purely or as pragmatically as she wants. The thing about purity is that it's not sustainable, so if you predicate your identity, the thing that makes you you, on something like that, you're pretty much dead when they take it away. Which is all John was trying to warn her about: Where do you go when you can't get out? You change into something else. She can't; all her shapeshifting just made her harder and less flexible. She turned into Grayza, and now she's stuck that way. Braca backs away and turns to the Sergeant on deck, whispering something that you might just think are her orders.
D'Argo tells John and Aeryn they haven't (n-1) Override Joke, and John's like, "Did you put the key in?" He hisses, "Yes I used the frelling key." John's like, Murphy! Please! "Why do we even bother?" John, shocking everybody, shoots the exterior control panel several times, and sparks shoot out both downstairs and up where the Kalish is still doing the (n-1) deal. He pats at them tenderly but there's no response. D'Argo's like, "Ahem?" John says he's sending a message, and lets the door shut behind him. The Kalish tells Ahkna he's lost his connection to the elevator, thanks to John severing the ties between the bottom and the top. (Remember this for week: John severs the connection between one end of the shaft and the other, to control it for himself. The key is communication, the key is the same thing it always is: black holes v. wormholes, love v. silence. He destroys the communication and gets control of both sides, turning a wormhole, in this example, into a black hole. I read today that there's new evidence that black holes don't work like they thought, and maybe they'll be re-classified as "MECOs": Magnetospheric Eternally Collapsing Objects. Eternally collapsing: there's a definition I can deal with.)
"Drill's on," says D'Argo, and John steals my Wonkavator joke, asking if D'Argo can drive it. D'Argo's like, "Can you?" And John says no, and D'Argo goes, "Then why ask?" The elevator jerks, tossing everyone around; this is as good a "dancing in the elevator" moment as John and D'Argo are going to get. They rocket up in the shaft, then vector out into solid rock.
A long-neck Scarran approaches Ahkna, saying that there's been an unusual energy discharge in the cavern, and she immediately asks about the status of the Crystherium. "Unknown," but on the other hand they've also lost contact with the strike team. "Crichton?" "...Has activated the drill, and is coring through solid rock. Impossible to predict his destination, my love." (Oh, that must be Pennoch! Hi, Pennoch! You're so gross-looking!) She's like, "Your destination, my love, is a frelling torture station if you don't stop him!" Also, I've been torturing Scorpius but I thought it was okay since we were on a break and I haven't seen you all trilogy. Please do not get all Maury about it right now, because he's gone and anyway it didn't mean anything, and I was totally thinking of you the whole time.
John's like, "You at least know how to get us where we're going?" No, D'Argo does not. And in classic, gorgeous John Crichton form, he snaps back, "Oh, then go faster." They all get tossed around and D'Argo smiles: "Here's faster." Drilling and drilling. John calls it a hell of a ride, Chiana laughs, Aeryn smiles. They spin. "Kinda fun, huh?" They whirl and there are crashes and scary jerks as they continue to dig. "Okay, it's no longer a joke." The cuteness quotient of this episode is so high, like record high, that even him saying that is, like, so cute. Pass the champagne, their asses are fine. We're so far into allegory territory at this point, they might just suddenly turn into a giant baby in space.
Kalish Secretary Vakali and Charrid General Rahzaro, the guys who basically started the riot last week with their chest-bumping bullshit, sit at a table as the Emperor enters. "Protection of the Crystherium was your number-one priority," Staleek begins the slow burn, and Rahzaro nods. "Yes, my lord, but it was not I who gave permission for the access codes." Vakali asks again what the hell he's implying, and the Emperor tells them both to suck it. "Do not give me your excuses!" Captain Jenek comes in, saying Grayza's now just stopped acknowledging altogether, on all frequencies. Staleek credits her for choosing "suicide over failure" and asks how Jenek's positioned for the battle. "They will be accorded every opportunity to cease fire," Jenek says. "Peacekeeper Command will find no fault with our self-defense." Captain Jenek for peace! Awesome! When you're not raping medical patients you're awesome! "Captain Jenek here epitomizes the competence I demand," Staleek growls. "Perhaps you can assist Minister Ahkna in her follies." Jenek nods, and Staleek tells him he can have her job if he nabs John. Jenek bobs and takes off, and Staleek shakes his head at the embarrassed Vakali and Rahzaro, who look away all jealous and ashamed. "Fools." (Cute! This is like the Jane Espenson episode for all time. Everybody's so adorable and quippy!)
Grayza looks over the Command Carrier, which is bathed in red danger light. "Tell me when target acquisitions are complete," she orders, and Braca approaches gingerly -- he's actually carrying a clipboard right now -- and looks at her like she's a mean dog. "Ma'am. There is no battle here, ma'am." He keeps his voice very low; so does she. "Why are you so averse to conflict, Captain?" Braca forgets himself: "And why are you so adverse to..." His whole body goes oops and he gets super-scared. "How dare you?" she shouts. "Who do you think you are?" The other Peacekeepers turn and stare. Braca stands straight, staring her down: "Captain Miklo Braca, Officer of the Fleet, Peacekeeper Interplanetary Service." She nods. "Oh. Nobody," she snarks, and fully turns and walks away. He follows, with his hands gone crazy. "Ma'am, you'll start a war." She shrugs, as the Sergeant watches carefully. "War is inevitable." Braca shakes his head: "We sail under a flag of truce -- let us leave beneath its protection." I love how she's just completely blowing his mind. It's like when Aeryn found out nobody actually followed the rules. This is exactly why Braca, who rocks on like every level, never made it past Riker status: he's not fucking nuts.
"Didn't Scorpius tell you?" she asks cruelly, petty and smirking, "A truce with the Scarrans is suicide." He's like, Girl, I know you did not just bring up Scorpius, and cuts his eyes at her. "Ah, so the men and women of this vessel must pay for your miscalculation with their lives?" She tells him it's for the greater good, and that they'll all be remembered as heroes. Which, any other PK, maybe, but Braca's not hearing it. He jerks his head at the Sergeant and then takes center stage, standing at attention, speaking loudly and clearly. "Commandant Grayza. Under Article Six Rulu, Uniform Code of Admiralty Conduct, Section Nineteen, due to a state of incapacitation of judgment displayed in multiple encounters under stress, I hereby invoke the Transfer of Command and relieve you of duty immediately." She giggles and turns to the Sergeant, calling him forward. "Weapons! Would you be so kind as to shoot this mutinous Captain dead where he stands?" She folds her arms and turns her back on them. I hate to see her go down like this, dude. Acting like a total asshat. Sergeant cocks his weapon and points it, of course, at Grayza: "Sorry, ma'am. Captain Braca has already relieved you of command." She goes dead inside; Braca nods. "Now, let's get this ship out of here."
The Rabrokator drills and drills; inside they spin and flop, and John admits he's never liked Disneyland. (Would have been funnier if he'd said Disneyworld, because of Florida.) Everybody yells and whines as they're jerked around all over the place; John calls out for his father at one point. Yeah. Aeryn's just like, "My head hurts." Scorpius sits on the floor holding Sikozu tenderly; Chiana laughs: "Let's go again!" The Rabrokator makes a loud noise and starts to move again, making everybody scream some more and grab hold for another round.
Staleek orders the head bitches that we're just going to disregard Ahkna's status as a Ruling Class Scarran, and also all her orders. They agree, because her track record is not awesome right now; I think this dressing-down of both Grayza and Ahkna so close together has more to do with Sikozu's deal and less with proving something about ladies in power. (Sorry, but ever since Martha went down that's the first place I go: Is there a man somewhere getting off on this? Do you want to live in a world where that's true? God forbid Oprah ever goes down that hard; the global asshole white-guy orgasm would knock continents apart.) "Besides myself," Staleek growls, "John Crichton is the single most important person on this base. AM I CLEAR?!" Have a petal, my darling. You're looking a little insane. "Apprehend him and bring him before me. Now." Suddenly, Emperor Staleek's knocked a-jumble from below as the drill gets close to the War Room. General Rahzaro grabs the Emperor by his pointy elbow and suggests that His Excellency get the fuck out. "It's the elevator," he explains somewhat unnecessarily, dragging him away from the table. Inside the elevator everybody flops around in everybody else's business, as outside, Vakali the Kalish gets tossed all crazy. Though sometimes they are robots with magic powers, on balance it seems that most Kalish, in this informal study we're conducting, do not have a particularly high amount of structural integrity. Rocks fly everywhere.
Aeryn has fallen against John, of course, and she wriggles around and wonders if it's the surface yet. John's like, "Let's find out!" D'Argo gets ready to open the doors.
In the corridor, Charrid Rahzaro directs some guards to get the Emperor clear, and drags some of them back to the conference room, Staleek yelling to keep Crichton alive. Rahzaro nods. He's kind of great right now, just getting it done and getting on with it. Staleek hurries away as the Charrids enter, guns aimed at the elevator from behind the debris, and then they talk about how probably this rogue Wonkavator contains a chewy Crichton center. Like there are other drill machines going nuts elsewhere in the base.
"Why is it not working?" asks John, still stuck inside. D'Argo's like, also nothing is working suddenly, and John starts climbing some hanging wires: "Let's find out where we are." He cracks the hatch and immediately the Charrids open fire, so he drops it and comes back down. "That's no good." Chiana yells and Aeryn's like, "Where are we?" He pictures it and tells her they're in the conference room. AGAIN. Even Aeryn is like, "Seriously?"
"Come out now or die!" screams the General, and inside, Chiana's now convinced that they are laboring under a curse they didn't know about. She asks Aeryn if that's possible, cutely, and Aeryn's like, "Depends on if the elevator will hold." The Charrids shoot, shoot, shoot. Sikozu awakes, looking at Scorpius, and he murmurs that the Rabrokator is "quite strong." D'Argo's already bored, over it the second it started, and he asks if they can go out the bottom hatch. Sikozu shakes her head, saying with all their drilling it'll be like a mile drop at this point. John comms to Sparky and Grandma, as Scorpius crawls past John on the floor. Welcome to John's plans, Grasshopper. Have fun puking.
Rygel comms back to John from near Lo'La that the hangar is "crawling" with Scarrans; D'Argo realizes they have the chance to see if she's back to normal. Scorpius lifts off the lower hatch and sets it on the floor beside him, with a clunk; he looks down into the deep and thinks about flowers. "Rygel, are you standing near the ship?" Rygel tells D'Argo he's clear of it, but close. D'Argo calls an order to Lo'La, and Rygel ducks behind some barrels as her force field comes up. Rygel yells at a Scarran soldier, calling him a "roshvater," and the Scarran approaches, knocking himself out on some science. "That did it! The guards are down. We did it!"
Jenek steps out into the Crystherium cavern, discovering the dead strike team and growling. He looks across the field at the Matriarch.
General Rahzaro and the Charrids guard the Rabrokator in the War Room, waiting for reinforcement. He takes off to check on the Emperor and reiterates that they should not let the captured terrorists go running off; the other Charrids cock their weapons, pointing them at the Rabrokator, to wait.
"Grasshopper?" Scorpius looks up at John. "...How important is that mother plant?" Scorpius says he'd trade his life for its destruction, and John asks if he'd cancel his wormhole debt for saving Aeryn. Scorpius laughs and nods: "Of course!" John comms to Rygel, asking if they're onboard Lo'La yet. They are. "We're safe," he says, with Noranti and Stark beside him. John's got his bomb again, and he presses something on it. It lights up and begins to beep. Man, John.
John drops the nuclear bomb down the shaft; it falls rapidly out of sight. Even Scorpius is like, the fuck did you just do? "Fixed your little flower problem." Aeryn gapes. "You reactivated it, didn't you?" He nods and gives it about a minute. "And then it explodes?" asks Chiana. "A big explosion?" He nods; the bomb falls down the shaft, beeping. "Oh God, we should have voted! All in favor, show of hands," and John holds up his right hand; Aeryn stares at him and Scorpius, and then she and Grasshopper raise their hands, a little. Chiana stands up. Cuteness attack! Can you think of any other episodes like this? It's like Mission Impossible and Gilmore Girls had a sexy, scary baby! "All opposed?" Chiana raises both her hands; D'Argo raises his. "Three to two, Sikozu abstains," he says, and stares down into the hole. Sikozu speaks up for the first time since she made me want to find some battlements and lean up against them, singing: "The concussive pressure must exit through the elevator system..." Meaning this shaft, D'Argo notes. Scorpius thinks probably at this distance, the elevator should protect them; with a quickness he replaces the hatch. Aeryn shrugs. "Might work." Sikozu says either way they've got fifteen seconds to find out.
General Rahzaro runs back into the ruined War Room with another Charrid, and yells at the Wonkavator. He has no idea whatsoever; it's almost sad.
D'Argo crosses the back of the car to stand with Chiana; he puts his arm out and she ducks in, holding him. Sikozu has climbed into Scorpius's lap. Chiana pets D'Argo's hair, and he sighs. Aeryn's on the floor of the car to John, both of them looking at the hatch quietly.
John: "Love you."
Aeryn: "...Love you too."
The car in the caverns opens, admitting Jenek and his guy; he informs the Emperor that the Crystheria are intact, and the Matriarch plant has not been harmed. "Our fears were completely groundless."
Sikozu begins to count down, from three: The elevator roof shatters, raining glass down on Jenek's head. Two: the bomb falls into the elevator car; Jenek catches it. John and Aeryn kiss, one last time. Jenek looks down at the bomb: "Hi There!" Everything is turned to light. The chamber is blue, the shaft is blue, a shock wave travels rapidly upward, rumbling. Things that glow. John and Aeryn kiss harder, press closer. Chiana holds onto D'Argo with all her strength; Sikozu and Scorpius hold each other tighter. The Charrids stare at each other as the War Room begins to rumble. Lo'La shakes. The concussion wave continues upwards. Up, and up. "What is that?" asks the General, and the Charrids stare around in confusion as the explosion bursts in light around the Rabrokator. The War Room is destroyed by unbearable blue light; John holds her tighter. You can hear the explosion from space. Lights shine from new places, all over the base.
The shaking stops; John pulls back from Aeryn's smile, and Rygel begins to bitch. Hard: "Crichton! What the hezmana just happened? Where are you, you fahrbots? Did you blow up the bomb? How could you blow up the bomb?" John sighs and smiles. "You missed the vote."
Noranti, Rygel, and Stark reconnect with Pilot, back finally on Moya. Pilot admits he thought he'd never see Stark again; Stark says he always knew they'd be together again. "It is a pleasure to have you aboard," Pilot says, and Noranti grins. Rygel asks if they are going to starburst again and Pilot says he and Moya think four starbursts since the escape is enough. "She's tired, and there's no evidence that anyone is pursuing us." It feels good to be back on Moya. Stark figures the Scarrans are still busy back on what's left of Katratzi, and Rygel nods. "They got off easy." Noranti grins, Stark smiles back at her, and she smirks at Rygel. "To celebrate the victory, I shall cook a voluptuous Caspitian haunch stew!" Rygel screams!
Chiana lies to D'Argo, again, finally, under a fur blanket, arms and legs askew, giggling happily. She gently rubs her cheek with a piece of his hair, stretches; they sigh contentedly. She moves her leg under the covers, making D'Argo laugh, and then they just laugh and smile together for awhile. "More," she says, curling one leg around, and he agrees, happily: "More." And they do. And they are.
Sikozu stands in Scorpius's chamber; he asks how long it takes for her to recover. "I don't know," she admits. "I've never done this before." Never burned. She walks across to him, turning his face to her with one finger, reaching up to kiss him. He leans into the kiss, and she moves around, kissing his face on the other side. He turns away, but she turns his face back to hers again; this time, he kisses back. It's not even creepy anymore.
But where's the Downer Tag? Oh, here it is. John leans back against their bed, drinking from a flask. Aeryn lies behind him on the bed, propped on a pillow. John's like, "Stark, huh." She hums at him. He gestures with his booze. "Everything old is new again. Except, the old thing's getting really old." He takes another drink and sets the cup aside. He's staring out at nothing. He needs to take a goddamn nap.
"Hi, honey," he chuckles sadly. "Guess what I did at work today? I wore a bomb. A nuclear bomb, in a field of flowers." He closes his eyes and sighs; Aeryn turns to look at him.
"I could get lucky. Tomorrow I could have a bigger bomb." She raises up on her elbows, staring now.
"I could kill more people. Maybe they'll be innocent people. Children, maybe." She watches him, and he swallows, hollowed out. He finally looks up at her, and she reaches out to touch his hair. He closes his eyes, under her hand, as she strokes his tired head. He lowers his face into the crook of his elbow, hiding his face. She rests her hand in his hair. He laces his fingers with hers. He begins to sob.