Daring Aeryn To Love You

S04E18

"Pilot, thank Moya for us and stay well clear. You guys have come far enough." Pilot comms that Moya's telling him the wormhole is destabilizing. John nods grimly: "Yeah, it's not too good. Grasshopper, you still up for this?" Scorpius sits behind John, in the Aeryn seat: "I was just musing: if you miss your intended target, we could change the future. Or the past. Create a world devoid of Peacekeepers...and Scarrans. Would you like that, John?" It's not a question so much as a dare: do you love me yet? John just closes his eyes, headachy, and says, "Clear the mechanism." He does. "Focus." He does. He says goodbye; Chiana comms him some luck, turns to stare at D'Argo, worried, crawling out of her skin.

"Left. Left again. No, damn. Right!" The module, and thus the camera, whirl wildly throughout the entire episode. Don't watch it if you get sick, it's worse than Blair Witch. Which I guess is the point. Scorpius snorts, "I thought you knew where you were going," but John tells him to shut up. "I'm trying to concentrate. Left. Up there. That should be it." They shoot out of the wormhole into normal space. "Where exactly is here?" The only Moya sadder (scarier) than the real one.

Captain Jenek and Nurse pedeconference on the Scarran Dreadnaught. "The signal from her bioloid stopped before our Dreadnaught could locate their Leviathan," Jenek worries. The Nurse wonders how they figured out about the fake Aeryn so quickly; Jenek says he'll find out from Aeryn. He is beautiful. I love Scarrans. The bourgeois ones, not the longnecks. Those are gross-looking. Nurse brings up Aeryn's weird susceptibility to the heat breath, once again, in case you didn't know that's the gun on the mantle, and Jenek's like, "Enough with the heat breath. I don't care if she dies, duh." Nurse asks for an hour to figure it out. "I have an idea how she still might be useful to us." I think there's kindness in this, but who knows. Captain Jenek gives her an hour. She enters Aeryn's cell and dopes her up. Aeryn says she's in no need of sleeping aids, and Nurse just calls it "Orders." Aeryn begs her not to touch her and struggles, Nurse backhands her and gives her the dope. Only it's not in the arm, it's in her abdomen. And it's not going in, it's pulling stuff out. It's an amnio. The jig is up; Nurse would be good to have around if she weren't so bad to have around. Aeryn figures it out and looks accusingly up at her: "What have you done?"

More horrible spinning. John is futzing with the module; some kind of problem with the "fluid drives." They work together, Scorpius flipping switches: "Ironic, wouldn't it be? If we were to die here together?" Not really. In either sense of the word. John calls them "a regular Romeo and Juliet," which is also...not that different from reality. The spinning reminds him of mescal: "You got somethin' like mescal? Drink the drink, eat the worm? I can see you eatin' a whole plateful of worms." Heh. He reconsiders; like I'm so sure Scorpius could handle hallucinogens. "Just for the record. If you'd gotten the information and were able to control wormholes, what would you have done with it?" Scorpius "jokes": "Taken over as much of the Universe as possible, found your home planet, and destroyed it." John's like, "Party foul!" and Scorpius admits it's not funny. "No, I would use the wormholes as a deterrent against any future Scarran attack." As he's said like a million times before. They strap themselves in and soon enough they're back in the wormhole complex. "Left. Again. Gotta go." They twist and turn and explode out into space again. A Leviathan hangs before them in the sky. "Is that the Moya we're looking for?" "Better be! My head's ringing like a fire-bell."

"If I help with this insanity, and we do get Aeryn back: you will tell me all you know about wormholes?" Scorpius is right up in his grill; John turns his head away, sick about it. "Every equation. Every formula." John finally looks him in the eye -- it's art, not science -- and stares him down: "Everything."

One of those mysterious and upsetting Season Four things happens where you need like ten minutes to sit there with the thing on pause going, "What the fuck?" The show's layers and stories and meanings have accreted to the point where they spontaneously curl up around themselves, like superstrings or DNA. Too much gravity, too many echoes, in every single second: boing! Except it's not a black hole, it's a wormhole, if you're willing to take the time. Once you've Yensched, once you've had him in your head, once you've seen your lover in his clothing, how and where can you go from there? They have a mutual pact to protect each other, thanks to Aeryn and wormholes, so why all the drama now? The one thing John's never done is submit to him. He's had parts and parts of Scorpius in him; he's done the Chair and he's fought Harvey and called upon Harvey as a friend and killed him again, he's killed for Scorpius and been saved by him a million times; he's done his time in the hotbox. He's got Scorpius all over him, but he's never once asked for it. Never given in, because he's never had reason before. Now it's not just brain and hand and heart: it's blood. (But also this: the part of her that's hidden from him now, her child and her activities in the dark time, has been linked with Scorpius from the beginning. He's not just John's darkness now, he's hers too. The shadow and the anima, the hideous androgyny of Harvey's Lovely Daughter; and on the other side of the door is God.)

Scorpius grabs John's hand and cuts a finger. Blood begins to drip from John's finger -- Scorpius holds it up, opens his mouth, and squeezes a drop onto his tongue. He then wraps his tongue around John's finger and draws it into his mouth, sucking. Hard. John...watches. Scorpius finally pulls John's finger from his mouth, lowers it, and hisses, staring into John's eyes.

...Okay actually maybe it's not all that mysterious in this case.

John makes light -- "What, are we in the mob?" -- which is more than I could do in that instance, and Scorpius breathes in sharply, cutting his own finger. Horrible Scorpius blood drips out. It doesn't look like John's blood, though: it looks like milk. Okay?! Scorpius has always found himself feeling out a paternal role toward John, put there by the universe: "This hurts but it's for your own good"; and now they're sucking blood and milk from each other. This is a terrible, terrible idea. It's rife with perversion.

It's also called for, on every level. "Your turn." John looks at the blood, dripping. "Nosferatu. First instinct is always right." Scorpius explains: "Scarran Blood Vow." But, John protests, Scorpius hates everything Scarran. So then... "I will help...if you taste," Scorpius says, which is better than saying, "...So not the point, halfwit." Except that we left propriety around the time you started suckin', dude.

John rolls his eyes and stares a bit, and then sticks out his tongue, onto which a single droplet falls. He shuts his mouth with a quickness. Scorpius stares at him, shoves his thumb into his mouth, and sucks that too. He grins terribly and only a tiny bit, as though to say: Okay, I know. The sucking is a bit much. But you kind of pissed yourself a little bit, right?

Aeryn's cell, Aeryn's deal. "Look, Djancaz-bru. I know I'm not the sort of person who usually does this sort of thing, so I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to be saying, except that I really...need your help. I need you to send me some sort of sign that he's coming for me. Can you do that?"

The cell door opens; Aeryn quickly averts her eyes as a Scarran male and a Sebacean woman enter. "I've given you time to consider. Are you ready to answer?" She nods to herself, still strong enough. "Yes." She crawls, still on her knees, facing the Scarran, then gets to her feet, grunting, to face him. Her wrists are still chained to the floor. "Stiinga-tuk. Wait, did I pronounce that correctly? Let me try that again: Stiinga-took. That's better." He blasts her with his heat breath and starts demanding to know where Crichton is. She pleads and gasps and insists she doesn't know, even as the Scarran orders her to stop resisting and answer. Her face is contorted.

After a commercialish amount of time, Aeryn gasps: "He's on Moya." The woman holds an instrument toward her, noting its reading: "Six hundred telliks and rising. If you don't stop you'll kill her." He shakes his head and says he's using no more force than usual. The woman, confused, stares at her instrument. "What do you know about Crichton's wormhole research?" demands the Scarran -- Aeryn's at 620 -- and she finally answers, her face twisted in the heat: "I don't know anything. He didn't tell me anything." The woman orders the giant Scarran to stop, and after a second he stops with the flames. Aeryn grunts and passes out, sliding down the wall. The Scarran stares down at her: "What's the matter with this one? Is she weak, or is she faking?" The woman shakes her head: "She's not faking." He says some more shit and leaves; the woman stays behind. I have no love of Peacekeepers but I kind of cannot believe this lady helping a Scarran beat up on a Sebacean like that. She's fully in the sights of my judgment right now. ...But don't you kind of want to know? Aren't there questions about Aeryn you'd like answered? She's been hiding from us, too, and it's been hard.

D'Argo and Chiana attend John down a corridor, confirming that he's going to weirdo Moya. Chiana worries that he'll end up back on Earth and screw everything up again. Only she doesn't say "screw," she says "mess." He disagrees: "No, I got this hum in my head like a whale." They discuss whales ("Think big fish with sonar.") and D'Argo tells John that what he needs is a nap. But this hum! In the head! Chiana says there's something in his head, not actually a brain, and John reminds us how Einstein told him he can locate places he's been before. "It's like a homing beacon," John says. Only the opposite, right? Chiana says he "can't go with feck-face," because he'll mess with John, and then betray him. Only she doesn't say "mess," she says "screw." Scorpius, who was already lurking in the bay as they entered, goes BOO! by way of chiding Chiana for her lack of trust in him. Brave little Chiana hounds Scorpius as they head to the Farscape 1, demanding to know what's going on and why he's accompanying John into the crazy wormhole dimensions. Scorpius will only say that they have an agreement, and that the details are confidential. And creepy! Also really, really wrong! D'Argo begs John not to do it, simply and sincerely, and John levels with them. "Guys, I know what I'm doing is stupid, but it's out of my hands. I gotta save Aeryn, you know that. Just get us close to the wormhole. If we don't come back..." Chiana's staring at him. "Right." He turns back to the module, time goes crazy on the screen.

Aeryn's woozy as the Sebacean bitch-nurse comes in. "Feeling better?" Aeryn updates her on how she was in critical heat delirium, just so we know that this is just awful and just so we know that John is coming. Nurse is still struck by this: "Almost couldn't get your temperature down in time. I thought Peacekeepers were supposed to be battle-strengthened? Why did his heat probe almost kill you?" She circles, watching. Aeryn swallows painfully and says she's just tired. She begs the nurse to go away. The nurse decides on Good Cop instead: "Listen, that fennik will kill you unless you give him a reason not to, I've seen it happen. You'll be just another D.I.T. 'Died In Transit.'" She acts all put-upon, like, "Sorry for trying to save your ungrateful ass for more torture! Gah!" Aeryn asks Nurse if -- given that she's really Sebacean -- it makes it easier to let other people do the dirty work, like the fennik Scarran, while she's a cowardly collaborator.

Nurse continues to circle, paraphrasing John from last week's tag: "Listen, I've heard all that dren before. Usually from people like you, chained in a cell. Look at me: I'm not. You know why? Because I figured out a long time ago: Peacekeepers, Scarrans...what difference does it matter who rules? It won't be me, all I'm going to do is survive. I suggest you should do the same."

Here's John's speech from last week: "You set me up, not that I care. I don't care 'bout much. War. Death. Wormholes: I don't care about the things you care about. Peacekeepers rule the Scarrans; Scarrans rule the Peacekeepers...let them rule together. Put your ass in a cage. I care about one thing. One. God have mercy on my soul." You tell me who the good guy is, here.

Aeryn looks at the Nurse. "I'll tell Captain Jenek you're ready for another interrogation." Ha, Jenek the fennik. Let's just laugh and have fun. The Nurse and John both know the truth: all that matters is survival. Specifically, in these two speeches, Aeryn's survival. Who's the good guy? Aeryn. She's the only one that wouldn't make that choice. Ironically enough. Which is not to say that she's not gonna get pretty hairy tonight either. Truth, justice, and the American way are getting a beating this week. Nurse leaves; Aeryn shudders and tries to get her breathing under control.

Aeryn is still strapped in the chair, heat breath in her face. "How did you know we planned to kidnap Grayza?" She insists that it was an accident, which it was. Her arms jerk and she gasps and cries. Nurse hurries in and tells Jenek to stop immediately. "The Sebacean is dissembling." Nurse gets intense: "No! I know why she's reacting like this." She tells him to stop and he tells her to fuck off. "She is with child," Nurse whispers. Jenek stops with the heat and turns to her. "Scarran heat probe will kill a pregnant Sebacean," she reminds him. Jenek gets shifty and clever: "She was close to Crichton, was she not?" Indeed. Once upon a time.

Sikozu runs along behind D'Argo, bitching at him. They are having wormholer's remorse, agreeing that maybe this was a bad idea. "Aeryn is dead," says D'Argo. "I know Scarrans," says Sikozu. She follows him onto Command, where he says definitively that they're not going anywhere. "Grayza knows the location of this wormhole," Sikozu reminds him; he is impassive. "D'Argo!" He ignores her. "She put the Skreeth on Moya when we were last here. Please..." Rygel counsels him to listen. "Grayza knows Crichton used this wormhole as a path to get back to Earth. She knows he'll come back here." D'Argo flips out on him: "And I thought you were finally convinced Crichton's wormholes would get you home." Rygel sighs; not the point. D'Argo says they're staying for an hour. "Pilot! Get Moya to do a long-point, all-range scan. I don't care if it's a gas cloud or an asteroid field, I want to know the microt she senses something."

Things turn into Jacob's Ladder as a barely conscious Aeryn is wheeled down a corridor with banks of lights in the ceiling. Captain Jenek: "Can you retrieve incumbent knowledge from fetal DNA?" Which is: lame, except for how wormholes aren't science, they're art. Except for how it was his father the Ancient who gave them to him. Except for how this is about bodies, not minds. "Not here, but the med labs on Katratzi might be able to," says the Nurse by Aeryn's side. "What have you done?" Aeryn struggles to alertness; the Nurse hisses at her: "I've saved your life." Captain Jenek, very excited: "You realize what this could mean? If this is Crichton's child, we could learn all he knows about wormholes from this fetal DNA." The Nurse is like, "Um, this just in!" Aeryn begins to scream.

Commercial and now Aeryn's in a spiky House On Haunted Hill kind of ugly Scarran design-sense chair: arms cruciform in cages of curved spikes, legs straight out. She's not alone, in the sense that there are other prisoners in other chairs; they've changed her outfit for her as well. "Djancaz-bru, I'm going to say this again because I don't think you heard me last time. Just get a message to him. Let him know where I am, so he can find me." Maybe she did. I don't guess it matters. Another prisoner, female, with slightly more neck than Jeffrey Sebelia, sniffs. "I didn't think Peacekeepers had gods. I thought they believed in the Warrior Code: Battle and Die and all that dren." Aeryn, startled, looks around at her; she's kind of lizardy with an Aussie face. Another prisoner speaks: "Is there a Peacekeeper here? Can she help us?" The neck lady, Morrock, sniffs again: "She can't even help herself. She's praying."

Nurse appears. "Whose child is it? Captain Jenek will force it from you. He believes that if he can find the human's child, the Scarrans will reward him. Right now, he's dreaming of palaces and virgins." Nice. Aeryn says she's happy for him. "I warn you: he won't kill you. But unless you tell him what he wants, he'll make you wish you were dead." Aeryn breathes out, slow: "I have dozens of embryos inside me. I recreated with...so many people." Nurse knows better. "No. Just one." Aeryn makes a joke so meta it'll do your dishes for you: "No, really. 'PK Trelk Girl,' that's what they used to call me." Nurse warns her to talk to the others, the women prisoners: "They'll tell you. We can keep you drugged and asleep, or we can make things...hard and ugly. Worse than you can imagine." The lights dim as she leaves. Aeryn shakes.

Time is crazy on weirdo Moya: ripples and shakes and double-vision. "Every wormhole has millions of exits to different times and places, which are complete and unending," John explains. "So in this reality everyone on Moya has become someone they weren't before?" John compares it to putting them into a blender, but there's more to it than that. "Why?" Because it's sad! "With these wormholes, anything is possible. Somewhere the Cubs are winning the World Series. Don't ask." The ship shakes: "Better hurry. We got an arn before Crais overruns this place and slaughters everybody." In the galley, Stark (played by Sikozu) is making something; Rygel (played by Noranti) is shoving food into his mouth. Scorpius is like, "The fuck?" John nods. "It's a weird universe. I didn't invent it." You'd be surprised.

Morrock explains what this room is about, where they've got Aeryn now. "Genetic incubation. They find something interesting about us, see if they can produce an offspring they can use. They've bred me six times; three of them died before term. Three of them...I don't know where they are." So what's interesting about Morrock? "The organic food on my planet grows a metal skin. I can dissolve it with saliva." But not the spikes around their arms, of course: "Only thin metal." Morrock explains that's why the breeding: "To see if the little gnink in here can destroy weapons grade metal." Aeryn's suspicious, because that's how she rolls: "And you just happen to be awake right now to talk to me?" Nope, she palms -- even though their arms are stretched out and locked in; I assume they unlock their hands for meals -- the sleeping pills. She shows her, in her palm. "I've saved up enough so I can kill myself whenever I want," she whispers; Aeryn smiles sadly and turns away. "You don't believe a word I'm saying. You think I'm working for that bitch nurse! They don't need me to control you. You can't beat them. They travel us around on frelled-up freighters like this and no one ever knows exactly where we are." Tears run down Aeryn's face. "No one can save us, and we can't escape. I know. I've tried for cycles...then I gave up. But I see you still think someone's coming." Close-up on Aeryn thinking, "Do you do birthday parties?" "You should talk to me. In here, talk's all you've got." Also suicide. Aeryn looks away, working her injured jaw. Staring up.

Think about Sikozu, and think about Stark. Both of them in love with Scorpius. (Both of them, in certain extremities, confusing his pain with pleasure, and vice versa.) Both of them members of a slave race. Both of them a seemingly unending source of new powers and abilities, both touched by magic. Her lizard resurrections, limbs growing back; his soul never allowed to rest, coming back again and again. Both of them, at one point or another, just a bioloid (spoiler!) -- a fake image. Both of them have secret faces you barely ever get to see. Like Aeryn. Both of them symbolic of John's ambiguous relationship with Scorpius: Cider House Rules and Leaving Las Vegas, two different paths that wormhole complex could go. Like Aeryn. Stark telling John to submit to Scorpius's burning teachings; Sikozu demonstrating the sometimes real worth of Scorpius's self-serving agenda. Both of them alone. Both of them, in their way, illustrative of Scorpius's hard wisdom, the dance John's only just begun to dance, in blood and milk. Both of them submissive to the needs of others, in their way. Both of them dedicated to the service of something higher. Both of them appearing at moments of John's greatest madness; both of them beautiful.

John drags beautiful Stark down a corridor by his arm; she's never seemed so small. "I heard you say it! Katratzi!" He insists he doesn't know; John slams him into the table, out of control. "She said it! She said it when Chiana was killed." Stark jumps: "Chiana's dead?" (He always loved Aeryn; she has a secret fondness for Chiana.) John shakes his head; it's complicated: "No, no, no, no. Chiana's not dead." Scorpius offers to take over the interrogation; everybody tells him to fuck off. "Does Zhaan know..." Stark begins, and John tells her to shut up. "I heard you say a Scarran word. Katra..." He's losing language; Scorpius compensates: "Katratzi." Stark again demurs. "You said it when you were crossing someone over. When you were in that trance state." Stark explains that he never has recollections when he's not in the stykera state. She shakes her head. Plugging into Heaven doesn't translate down here. But how could you speak in the Scarran tongue?" asks Scorpius, and Stark pulls away. "Once, I...I must have crossed over a Scarran." (There's a clue in that stammer there, something we won't know for a long time, about Sikozu: this Stark can't cross over anyone she doesn't love.) "They tell me things." He backs into a barrel and grabs hold of it. "Only when I'm in the trance does the knowledge come flooding back to me." It's art, not science. This is John's realm. Time goes crazy. Scorpius heads out: "Keep him here. I'll be right back." Oh balls.

Captain Jenek and the Nurse stand over Aeryn in a Marathon Man place. The Nurse shows Jenek a hologram of the Sebacean reproductive process. "Watch. The Sebacean egg is fertilized. It splits with life. It splits again, then stops." The projection freezes. But how? "The ovum secretes a fluid that keeps the pregnancy in stasis, literally freezes the explosion of life. She can store this proto-fetus for up to seven cycles before triggering gestation." Nurse picks up a large, scary injection gun with truth serum in it. If you hate needles, man is this not the show for you. "Don't use that, I won't lie to you. I'll just tell you what you want to know." The Nurse looks down on her sharply, smooth: "You wouldn't lie to me?" Aeryn shakes her head; Nurse injects her. It's pretty ugly. Aeryn gasps and lies back. "Yes, of course I'd lie to you, you stupid bitch." Captain Jenek growls at her. "Aeryn," Nurse says, almost whispering, "whose child is inside you?" This actress is really good, and I can see why they'd bring her back for Peacekeeper Wars, but it does make it hard to buy her as the head of a peaceful race after seeing her cruelty and hidden kindness here. You're distrustful when you shouldn't be. "Yours," Aeryn harshes out. "Whose child?" She says she doesn't know; Jenek demands to know if it's Crichton's. Aeryn stammers. "I don't know." She gasps under the weight of lies and pain and torture. She's so strong. "I don't...there was another man."

Aeryn kneels behind PK Sex Bomb Velorek in negative, rubbing his shoulders, kissing him. "Velorek." They make love. "This Velorek," Jenek asks. "Where is he now?" He's dead, she says; we're still in the realm of the known. "How did he die?" She betrayed him to High Command, and he was executed. All the crimes, coming back. It's just a symptom of the plot but it's also the point. "The man who conceived your child?" Jenek asks, since he doesn't know that almost every person on Moya has, at one point, killed a lover. Usually in the bedroom. Jenek thinks she's lying and orders Nurse to give her more serum. "Mm. I'm not lying. I'm just not a very nice..." She groans and clenches as Nurse injects her with more honesty. She's beginning to cry. You always have to go back to the beginning, and it's always the worst part. Being big enough to swallow your own evil. "This Velorek, is he the father of your child?" She closes her eyes, unable to lie, sickened by her own weakness: "No." She passes out, and the Nurse admits she can't wake Aeryn up until the serum wears down. He heat-breaths her, out of frustration, and they have a little psychic conversation where he confirms that she's not working with Aeryn. He turns to Morrock: "What about hers? How is her embryo coming along?" The initial DNA scan shows no enhanced ability in the embryo; Jenek aborts the child as Aeryn watches, terrified and on the edge of consciousness. How much of this is theatre? Morrock screams. "Unless I get answers that please me," Jenek says, "you will be ." Aeryn looks up at him. Her eyes are dry.

Think about Noranti, and think about Rygel. Both of them constantly barfing, shitting, spitting, farting, pissing. Both of them intimately connected to Moya in ways no one else will ever understand. Both of them came onboard in moments of John's greatest confusion, which is what he's feeling now. Both of them offered him a deal that he should never take, in those few moments. Both of them the secrets that Zhaan could never handle: that the universe contains both good and evil, both selfless and selfish. Both of whom John loves in a secret way he can't explain. Both of them connected to his body, not his mind. Both of them intimately tied up with Aeryn: Rygel has become a proponent of their love; Noranti has championed and fought it, by turns. Both of them can turn on a dime. Both of them too innocent for Scorpius to ever see the point in them. Both of them negotiators, diplomats; both of them able to do this because they don't see the division between "good aliens" and "bad aliens." Rygel because everyone's an alien, because he's enthroned in his regality; Noranti because no one is an alien, but nobody believes her when she says it. Both of them archetypal tricksters: Grandmother Spider with her nighttime secrets and dreams that come true; Coyote with a fat belly and a bottle of whiskey. Both tied to Chiana through bonds of selfishness and physicality, and thus to John's innocence; both of them beautiful.

"Let go of me!" Rygel demands. "Who are you?" None of them know Scorpius, on this Moya. To their detriment. Scorpius shoves Rygel into the room; he sees John and begs him to explains what's happening. "Dominar," Scorpius whispers, "quiet." He pushes her down, the Noranti that Rygel could be. Stark watches, alarmed. Only Sikozu has the regal bearing of our Dominar; they've always had ruinous pride in common. Nobody wants to watch Rygel fall. "Crichton, who is this tralk?" Rygel says, indicating Scorpius. He ignores her and turns to Stark: "Now. You can channel past journeys when you cross a soul over?" She nods and Scorpius pulls Winona from John's holster in one smooth movement. He shoots Rygel in the chest: the most innocent and the most disgusting among them. The Rygel that Noranti could be -- sharp mind, sharp teeth -- falls to the floor. Stark screams like he couldn't see this coming. John grabs Scorpius, appalled. "Now cross her over," Scorpius orders, and Stark continues to scream, head in hands, going crazy. "You cannot just shoot people!" John shrieks, like he didn't see this coming. ("All I did was rub this lamp! Why are you granting me wishes?")

"They'll be dead in an arn," Scorpius shrugs, eyes on the clock. "You said so yourself. We have no time to negotiate. Now," he says sharply, turning to Stark with the gun. "Cross. Her. Over. " John grabs for his gun arm as Stark insists she can't. "I have to love the soul! I have to care about where it goes, to cross it over!" John lunges for her. "What do you mean, love the soul? You never had to love the soul before." Stark cocks his head at John. "I've always had to love the soul." Different Stark, different rules, John realizes. But that's not it: it's another Inanna story. Take out the holy body, and what's left? All the things you thought mattered. John's down a higher self and a body that delights, in one package. He abuses his paths to Scorpius and to truth; they abuse them together. This won't end until they're all dead, and he already knew that. They already were. The second he drank that poison milk, he gave it all up. "So what happens if you don't love the soul? You won't cross it over?" Not won't, but can't. "When they die, they just go. Nothing happens." John stares from Stark to the holy corpse, and over at the unholy one. Whoops, he grits at Scorpius, and walks off.

Aeryn listens to Morrock crying, finally asks if she's in pain. "What do you care? I'm just a Scarran spy, and you're a Peacekeeper." Aeryn declares herself: "No, I'm not a Peacekeeper." Not even a little. Morrock sighs: "That's the third one they've terminated. I saw it on the scan, it must have been malformed, or... The three that survived, they were beautiful. Healthy." Aeryn fact-checks: "And you've had six pregnancies?" They'll wait a while, Morrock says, and then fertilize her again. Take out the holy body, and what's left? Nothing at all. Rapists go to hell because they twist what God made. "...Unless I've got the guts to..." She closed her eyes and swallows. "Have you ever had a child?" No. "Never?" Aeryn explains: "Well, soldiers seldom do, unless they're placed on a breeding roster. In any case, it's not the same as being a mother, is it? That's why I vowed I'd never have one that way." In their love of their child, their missteps and horrors, Talyn and Xhalax gave her this at least: her holy body. "And now, protecting this child will probably end my life." Morrock whispers blasphemy: "There is another way to make sure they never get it. I've hoarded enough sleep pills for the both of us. But I've never been brave enough to end it myself." She cries and shakes her head: "Coward." Aeryn asks her name and pretends to calm: "Well, Morrock. When someone comes to get me, they can save you too." The only thing a prisoner can do is hope.

You know the Prisoner's Dilemma? It's also known as "Daring Aeryn to Love Him," and it goes like this. Orwell puts you in Room 101 and says John's door and he's already sold you out -- that he never loved you and he's always been a spy, a love terrorist, a PK Trelk Boy -- or he's let you down -- just as useless as you thought. So the possibilities are as follows: 1) You keep the faith, assuming they're lying. 2) You sell him out, and he goes down innocent. 3) You stay true, and he sells you out. 4) Or you turn on each other. Those are the possibilities. I lie, you lie, we both lie, we both tell the truth. My side, your side, in a very real sense. And the conventional wisdom is that you don't do this thing, you don't make the deal with the devil, because there's a 25 percent chance that you'll save each other. Which are not great odds, but when the whole universe is against you, hope is actually the smartest alternative. Not starry-eyed romance but the cold facts: 1) Everybody wins. 2) You're fucked. 3) You're fucked. 4) You're fucked. Might as well choose hope. You choose John. Or, if you're John, an unthinkable alternative that contains hope and hatred in equal amounts. Harvey's Lovely Daughter.

Scorpius follows John down the corridor as time goes nuts: "Who does Stark love?" John insists again that "You cannot just shoot people!" but he's playing a role: John Crichton, Nice Guy. He knows damn well why he brought Scorpius with him. He gave in before the episode started. "I find your priorities odd," Scorpius hisses. "We are in a hurry and these deformities are preordained to die soon. Who does Stark love?" In order: God, Zhaan, Scorpius, John...and Aeryn. Fuck. John stares around at an unfamiliar part of Moya he's never seen before (I wondered if maybe Moya weren't blundered too: with Talyn, maybe). "Just because you do not have the resolution," Scorpius begins, and John cuts him off, turning back past Scorpius: "I got more than enough 'resolution' the last time I was here. And sometimes, Scorpy, I do not like the way you do things!" But that doesn't stop you rubbing the lamp, does it, when the stakes are high enough. Scorpius growls softly and follows John back.

Command, D'Argo and Sikozu watching as the wormhole dances. Pilot reports that he's been hitting John's comms every half-minute, and gotten nothing. Rygel worries whether the module will even be able to make reentry through the tormented wormhole. Pilot: "I don't know. Moya's scans indicate the wormhole's stability has decreased another twelve percent." Sikozu hounds D'Argo again: "You know what we should do." He tells her to back off; she won't. "Grayza is no fool. We will die if we stay here much longer." D'Argo fairly spits with the attempt to explain the family stuff: "I'm not leaving Crichton! We're giving him another chance." How much longer? He shouts at her that he doesn't know; Chiana tells her slowly, scarily, "Back. Off. Psycho." Sikozu decides to put it to a vote: "We wake up Noranti and the six of us vote." Captain Ka D'Argo shakes his head, wearily. "Crichton is safe!" she shouts. The mathematical approach; the Prisoner's Dilemma. We'll see all sides before it's done. "But we will die, if Grayza finds us here! Majority rules." D'Argo informs her that it doesn't, actually. Not quite yet. "I'm the Captain. I'm not willing to make that decision." Sikozu breathes, frustrated and scared; Pilot tells him he might have to. "Moya's long range scan has just picked up another vessel heading this way." Military? Can't tell yet. D'Argo and Sikozu hurry to their consoles.

"Any match on the embryo DNA?" Nurse shakes her head at Jenek: "It's a pattern the memory banks have never catalogued, so it could be half human...we have no sample of Crichton's DNA." Aeryn looks up at them, ready to lie some more. Or maybe to tell the truth; we still don't know. "If I tell you?" The Nurse assures her that her pain will end; Aeryn tells another story. "When I was off Moya, I had another job..."

Aeryn in a tight dress, laughing with some men; the images are black and white and blippy. "Assassinations, subversion. Whatever I was ordered to do." She shoots the laughing men; blood shoots everywhere. There's triumph in her face, cold though it is. I think we're still in the realm of the known. "There was a man named Lechna." And he is wicked hot. Aeryn pulls the finest tail, I swear. Aeryn and Lechna meet before a shining, round window, smiling, and begin to kiss. "He was my contact. Found me all my assignments. But he was also my lover...I have tried to suppress it until now to protect him." She weeps in the chair. "But I don't want the drugs anymore. It is most likely his conception." Jenek demands to know where Lechna was from. "He's from a place called Vendrall. It's a small planet off most charts." True love never dies, of course, and we all know it's John's baby. Not that the show wouldn't slap you with this particular bass just for fun, just to hurt you more, but come on. It's John's baby. For the moment we're just as lost as Nurse, as Captain Jenek. Just as confused as D'Argo. As John. Jenek knows the planet, it's in the Callus Nebula; Nurse resolves to cross-check samples from the Nebula to double-check. Aeryn watches.

Think about Aeryn, and think about Chiana. Both of them beautiful. Both of them love, and have loved, John Crichton. On every level that exists, they have loved him. He drew them out of their cages, so many times, to save himself by saving them. Both of them allowed him to play the role of teacher, in their time. Aeryn became more, broke with the Peacekeepers, held him as he died, cried his name as she went down; later, he drew her out of her pain and self-destruction and held her, in tears. Chiana became more, learning to trust and learning to love; later, he drew her out of fear and rage from both sides of time, and she could be held again. Aeryn was the only person alive who knew the pain of being Sebacean and not-Sebacean at once -- who knows the pain of being human and not-human, of having Earth bite the hand that offers hope. Chiana's the only one who knows what happens when they take away your holy body. The three of them are united too in the false starts and frustration of taking physical instinct and making it intellectual fact, that old field exercise: of taking science and making it art. Aeryn's become more; like John, Chiana is learning to manipulate time and space. It's magic, and the three of them are the only ones who know it. They are innocence and they are hope, and unending love. Everything good about the universe. And watch what happens. Watch what he's prepared to do.

John and Scorpius have the Aeryn that Chiana could be bound, Chiana played by Aeryn, with a gag in her mouth, and they are shoving her down a hallway. John continues to lie to himself and Scorpius and anyone nearby: "We're gonna do this my way with Stark. Not yours!" Too late. Scorpius chides him -- "You haven't got the resolution to do what's necessary." -- and John tells him to stop with that already.

Think about D'Argo, think about Jool. John's healthy masculinity, undergone so many undercuts and architectural adjustments he's not even the man he was. John's healthy love of science, learning; his holy rage when science is turned into violence. He's not the man he was. Both connected to Chiana, and thus John's innocence, but more than that: D'Argo and Jool were friends, intimate ones. Eventually or almost lovers. They're the first pairing that has a romantic relationship in their history. They are the mirror image of Harvey's Lovely Daughter: a funny androgyny, but one that is pure through and through. Both of them love John, too, in particular ways that words cannot adequately describe. They're also the only ones that know how to have fun, besides Chiana, whose kind of fun is sort of scary most of the time. The one's really awful, of course; this one's almost worse. They are both warriors and poets; the two diverging paths John's wormhole travel has demanded he become. They are the more that John can be. And watch what he's prepared to do.

Jool (played by D'Argo) surprises them, demanding to know -- arms akimbo -- what the hell they're doing with Chiana, who whimpers softly behind her gag. "Jool, just let us pass." She shakes her head: "What. Are you doing. With Pip?" They both loved Chiana but there's a clue here, something about John: he's the only one that really calls her that. This is a fairytale. Scorpius whispers, "Shoot him!" John calls Jool a she, and Scorpius gives him another clue on how to survive this: "Shoot it!" It's a nod to the gender-blending, sure, but it's also something PKs have been doing forever. "It." John whispers, pleading with Scorpius to let him handle it; Jool continues to make his demands. She finally fires her gun into the ceiling. There's a firefight, as Scorpius continues to hiss ("Shoot it!") and John continues to avoid the fact that he's the one orchestrating all of this. Every single moment of this episode, John co-signs. He thinks he can get out of this without killing her? He's not paying attention. John finally clips Jool in the side and she goes down. It's cruel, in a way, and Scorpius agrees, in a way. "Satisfied?" "No. I don't like the way you do things either. Very messy." Scorpius and Pip proceed down the hall; John follows, after considering the body. His honor and his science, gone.

Aeryn begs her to stop, as the Nurse injects her again. It's an Inanna story for Aeryn, too. Digging down below the lies and the stories we tell about ourselves; taking them off like clothing. Retching with pain as the skin and layers come off, like Aslan in the moonlight. The only story that means anything at all. "You lied!" Aeryn cries out, falls back. "We found record of Vendrall DNA. Your embryo is not the product of one of Vendrall's sons." Jenek paces around Aeryn on the table. "Well, Lechna lied to me!" There is no Lechna. "There is Lechna!" Morrock shouts to leave her alone, and is ignored. How much of this is theatre? They've doubled the strength of the serum; Aeryn begs for mercy. She weeps. "Stop it!" screams Morrock. "She's telling the truth! You'll kill the child!" Jenek leans over her: "Is John Crichton the father of your child?" She sobs, her own flesh anathema, as she tells a truth we've never heard (or does she), and your stomach turns over watching her do it, and hearing her say it. It's a prayer to Djancaz-bru.

"I've already told you, it's Lechna's. Not Crichton's. How many times do I have to tell you? I knew Lechna before I went onto Moya. I was on Moya to watch Crichton. As soon as I left, I went straight back to Lechna." Her sobs shake her body. "I have never, ever loved John Crichton. I've never loved him." The false image -- the thing you never wanted her to say, because it's all too possible. Twenty-five percent is a very small number.

"You lie. Tell the truth." When Aeryn left Moya, she laughed with a man. She was so sophisticated, so worldly. So unlike the coltish tomboy we know. A man in many necklaces sits on a stool, laughing. More men laugh. She shoots the laughing men, bashes one in the face with her gun, snapping another's neck. Beating in one laughing man's face with her elbow. She leaves the dead men and approaches Lechna. PK Trelk Girl. "Ter...terminal soldiers..." Lechna smiles up at her from his seat. "Lechna..." Lechna and Aeryn kiss, the camera whirling around them. "I forgot all about Crichton," Aeryn weeps, to herself. "It was..." Aeryn and Lechna embrace. "I completely forgot about Crichton. I forgot all about him." Self-hatred but no pity in her voice. She shakes, and weeps. Aeryn and Lechna laugh, and kiss. So much easier this way. How much of this is theatre? How good is she? How bad is she? Are we back in the realm of the known? Will we ever know for sure? She lies on the table, weeping with exhaustion after working so hard to tell this story.

Pilot informs D'Argo, finally, that the approaching vessel is a Command Carrier." Sikozu's like, Fuckin' see? "We've done all Crichton could ask of us. We've stayed here too long. We must starburst now." Chiana remembers in a flash the signature converter they bought from Rekka. "Like we did before." Rygel points out that this is fahrbot, considering that it'll turn Moya into a Scarran freighter, which the PKs would of course attack. "We won't let them get that close," she says. "Look, if they long-range scan us, they'll move off, because we're not Moya. It's worth a shot." (But also, how about this? THEY HAVE SEVERAL COCKADOODIE SIGNATURE OPTIONS, OF WHICH PILOT IS DEMONSTRABLY AWARE.) D'Argo nods about that idea, and Pilot gives him 30 seconds to decide. D'Argo agrees to the vote: "Do we starburst, or do we initiate engine signature change?" My side, your side: Sikozu and Rygel vote to starburst, Chiana votes to stay; Pilot hesitantly says that he and Moya -- of course -- both vote to stay. Sikozu and Rygel close their eyes.

"Initiate the signature change," D'Argo orders. What do you do when you can't get out? Turn into something else: change shape. Ask Aeryn, who's shape-shifting like a motherfucker right now. The thing that makes you awesome is the thing that makes you suck, but what the show's smart enough to say -- and I never am -- is that the opposite is just as true.

Case in point: Scorpius, who asks John if, given the differences they keep finding on weirdo Moya, if this will even work. John nods: "It's what happened before. Pip got killed, Stark channeled the Scarran while he was crossing her over." Not Aeryn, not even Chiana: Pip. Just a letter or two from it. My side, your side. Don't forgive him for this episode; he wouldn't want you to. Chiana and Stark are tied to some crates near the corpse of Rygel. "You or me?" Scorpius asks. No difference. John nods to himself and walks slowly towards them. "I'll do it."

This is the Chiana that Aeryn could be: everything on the surface. Nowhere to hide when things go south. If you're a basket case all the time, it's a strength: there's nowhere else to go. No way to hide your love, your desire. Nowhere for your pride to stash your joy. She is open, and she is beautiful. And she is terrified. "Hey, Crichton, untie me? You know...I know, I...always tie up people I like," she says, cracking a joke. Looking down at her shaking hands. Stark shakes her head, quivering all over, close to breaking. "If you kill her, I won't help you. I won't cross her over." John crouches and looks into their strange, lovely faces. "Yes you will." Chiana's confused. "What is he talking about? What is he talking about?" Stark or John. What is he talking about? What are they talking about. Stark looks at Chiana, then at the floor. John tries reason: "Look, I know this doesn't make any sense, but...you're gonna die in half an arn, and there's nothing I can do to stop that." (He takes something glorious, this blended, ascended beauty, and makes of it a broken mockery. He takes pain and he adds pain and fear, and all the while he's saying, "This is necessary. This is necessary for me." Not even the fucking Peacekeepers.) Chiana jerks: "What? What do you mean?" Stark stares at him; Chiana declares she's not going to die. "Yes, you are," he says, and stands up, leaving them there on the floor. His capacity for love and his capacity for innocence, even after being broken and used: the truth of the holy body, that Innocence and Experience aren't just a binary, they're a road. From Innocence to Experience, and on into Grace. The place you can't remember heading when you think you've lost everything. Redemption. Chiana stares at the place where he was, crouched. But John's already gone.

"Listen, Crichton," she says, her gamine grin perfection. "Are you in some kind of trouble? Who is this feck, is he making you do this? If you untie me, I can help you." She trembles. "I always do." She always does. They always do. They pull him back across when he's forgotten how far he's already gone. He pulls Winona on her. This is perversion. She gasps; Stark stares; Scorpius "helps." "It is not Aeryn," he whispers, almost comfortingly. "Looks a lot like her," John bites out. Chiana smiles, beautifully innocent, scared to death. "Okay, the joke's over. Okay? I...I was stupid to take it this seriously, because...it's a joke. Right? You have to stop. Because you can't kill me. You...you can't." He already did. John stares down his pistol into her face. Lover. Sister. Soulmate. Aeryn with purity; Chiana with maturity. Something precious. She shakes her head, lost control, and sniffs loudly. In the silence and the staring, his voice finally breaks. "No. No, I can't." The wall he always hits. He lowers the pistol, Chiana sighs.

"I can," says Scorpius. Of course. One smooth move and he takes her away from John. Again. Always and again. She begins to die. John and Stark scream for her; Scorpius points. "Now cross her over."

Think about John, think about Scorpius. Come to the necessary conclusions. John can't.

John punches Scorpius, knocking him backwards. The other wall he always hits. A tear runs down his face. Everybody unmoving; things moving faster than ever. Chiana's eyes widen as her death comes closer; Stark touches her face. Chiana looks up into John's beautiful face, then Stark's. Stark looks back at John, hatred in his eyes, and down at Chiana. Her eyes are closing. She's fading out.

Jenek and the Nurse look down at Aeryn, in a cage the size and shape of her own body. She gasps and gags. "Well, I don't know if it's Crichton's child," she spits. Jenek's getting bored: "Frell with your drugs. They're not working." He aims heat at her womb. Nurse gasps. "You'll kill her!" She coughs; she's fading out. "Who is the father?" Aeryn chokes on drool and spit, foam at the corners.

"On Vendrall I met a man..." A man laughs loudly. Aeryn knees one, punches another; one with the elbow and one gets a head-butt; one of the fallen gets a kick in the gut. She approaches Lechna in his seat, grabbing him by the lapels. She hauls him to his feet and wraps her arms around him. The camera whirls. Down, down, down into darkness, and shedding lies and shadows like garments. The negative goes back to color; the negative image becomes a positive. Lechna becomes John Crichton.

"There is no Lechna." Aeryn and John kiss. "I made him up." She gags; Aeryn and John smile sweetly, intimately, and kiss. "Just Crichton." At the bottom of the dark is the one truth they can't know. It's a betrayal but the erasure of a betrayal. True love; it might set you more at ease but it's vastly suckier than when she was lying. John and Aeryn, kissing, flooded with light. They smile, nuzzle noses. More intimate than kissing. "Only ever Crichton. Just him." she passes out; she stares into the distance. But John's gone.

Chiana lies on her side, eyes closed. Dying. Stark kneels at her side and chants, addressing Heaven. He reaches for his mask, and a golden light falls down, bathing Chiana's beautiful face. Scorpius has no time for religion: "Hasn't she said it yet?" John shushes him, listening to the chant. Ausimaa kilay ti partree. Kilay ti partree...Katratzee... John snaps up. "Katratzi. That's it, Stark. That's the name of the base." Stark attends to Chiana, light everywhere. Flooded with light. He sheds everything that makes him human, and arrives naked at the truth. "Seat of Scarran power," says Stark. Small. It's fortified. It's dangerous. Disguises its presence by...mirroring the orbit of one of the moons of Trilask." A name Scorpius recognizes; Stark continues to chant. Trilask katratzee... Trilask katratzee... Scorpius stands. "John, we can go." John looks into Chiana's face, touches Aeryn's hair. Scorpius sighs, exasperated. Stark finishes the stykera and looks at John, replaces his mask. Covers up the glory of his face. John looks at him, there are no words. He stands and walks out; Scorpius follows.

"Peacekeeper, wake up," Morrock touches Aeryn's arm, which is now free. Aeryn's confused; Morrock explains: "I watched the sequence codes." She takes Aeryn's hand tenderly, drops some pills into her palm; she shows Aeryn her own stockpile. Aeryn looks at her. "Are you sure?" asks Morrock. Aeryn looks at them in her hand, back up at Morrock. Nods. "The same time, then." They watch each other, and take their first pills. Morrock thanks her. "For doing this with me." Another pill. "I don't want to be their test stallik," says Aeryn. Morrock agrees. Third pills, fourth. "Anyway, what other choice do I have?" Aeryn asks her conversationally. "But your child. Aren't you afraid?" Aeryn shakes her head. "I'd rather be dead than let them have it." Morrock asks quietly: "Is it really his? The man you loved?" Aeryn just sighs. "Does this really make you tired?" At first, then nothing. Aeryn smiles at her, close to tears. "You know, I had such incredible dreams for my child. It's impossible not to. How she was going to change the world. How she was going to look after me when I was old. They were foolish." (They were "The Locket", or as my friend Karen says: "Not even Aeryn's attempts at chick lit have a happy ending.")

Morrock shakes her head kindly. "Not so foolish. I had the same dreams." Beat. "Is it his? Is it Crichton's child?" Aeryn gestures her closer. "Come here." She leans in; Aeryn caresses her face sadly. "Did you really have a child?" she whispers. Morrock cocks her head a bit. "I told you, I had six pregnancies." Aeryn nods, continues to stroke her. "Only three of them survived." Aeryn takes her by the throat. "I want the truth from you. I know that these pills won't kill me. I know that you're their spy." My side, your side. Sometimes 25 percent is just too small; and sometimes hope isn't enough. Sometimes your most awful thoughts are true. It's innocence gone. "So I want to know the truth: Have you even had one child?" Morrock gasps, squeezes tears out. "Have you even given birth to one child? The truth." Aeryn squeezes, tighter and tighter. "No," Morrock gasps. Aeryn snaps Morrock's neck with a loud crack. It's the sound of hope gone. It's the sound of John pointing a gun. "Good," Aeryn hisses, dropping dead Morrock to the floor. "Then I orphan no one." Her arms are free. She throws the pills across the room, spits them out furiously. As far away from her holy body as she can manage.

The module's leaking fire. John comms to Pilot, voice near dying: "We're back. Open the hangar doors. And we know where that Scarran base is." D'Argo comms that there's no time: "There's a Command Carrier on the way. We've got you in the docking web and we're about to starburst." It's a Barn Swallow! It's the exact same thing! You're safe; we've got you. It's okay, this close to home, to finally start crying. John ten-fours and D'Argo tells him to buckle in. As Moya begins to starburst, Scorpius sighs. "Why is nothing ever easy with you?" "Wish I knew." They starburst together.

Captain Jenek: "We've set a course for Katratzi." Nurse informs Aeryn, back in her cell, that Katratzi's been informed of her condition. "There is a surgeon on hand." The cell door closes behind them as they leave.

The Prisoner's Dilemma is also known as "Pascal's Gamble." He was a mathematician and amateur philosopher, and his thought was that you can apply the logic of the Prisoner's Dilemma not only to love, like you do with the Turing Test every day of your life, but also to God, and it goes like this. They put you in Room 101 and says God's got you. You can sell Him out or you can be just as useless as he begs you not to be. So the possibilities are as follows: 1) You keep the faith, assuming they're lying. 2) You sell him out, and he loses his children one by one. 3) You stay true, and there's nothing there; you're all alone, making wishes on stars that don't care. 4) Or you rely on yourself, and since there's no God, you win because you were the only one playing. Those are the possibilities. And the conventional wisdom is that you do this thing, believe without proof, because the opportunity cost is so heavily leveraged. There's only a 25 percent chance that you'll save yourself, but the rewards are so much better on the other 75 percent, where God loves you, and you have the option of loving Her back. When the whole universe is against you, hope is actually the smartest alternative. Not wash-eyed cult talk but the cold facts: 1) Everybody wins. 2) You're fucked. 3) You're fucked. 4) This game is stupid. The conventional wisdom I stress says it's easy: might as well choose God; might as well give in. Or, if you're Aeryn, an unthinkable alternative that contains hope and hatred in equal amounts. Harvey's Lovely Daughter.

Aeryn looks up, accusing the sky. Up. My side.

"Now, Djancaz-bru. You haven't listened and you haven't helped. And I'm running out of time, so I'm gonna forget about you. I am now willing to make a deal with anyone -- with any-thing -- to save my child. Not because I can, but because I have to."

Aeryn bows her head. Down. Your side.

"Not 'because I can,'" not that arbitrary claim of an unfeeling Goddess who doesn't deserve the name, but because they're nothing left; not the harsh cold lying light of the kind of shitty God the Peacekeepers probably would worship.

Except they don't, do they? It's so much worse than this. The depth and breadth of the PK thing is hard to pick up on, because you have to work backwards from knowing her, but consider this. The Peacekeepers don't even have parents: just the Peacekeepers. They don't have religion: just the Peacekeepers. They don't have yards with grass, or skies with clouds, or puppies, or diaries, or television, or manicures or Buffy or Taco Bell. Just Command Carriers. She's not making the deal with the Devil that we think, this isn't some weird darkness where she's drinking blood and milk; she already did that. The extremity and horror of this final admission is so much worse than we can imagine. She's praying to the Easter Bunny. She's waiting for Punky Brewster to save her.

My side, your side. Aeryn bows her head. Alone.