Previously on Farscape: Circumstances conspired to leave Crichton strapped to a table and screaming incoherently. None of those circumstances happen to include Crichton forgetting his safety word â somewhat surprising on a show that features so many people prancing about in tight leather get-ups â but rather, they all arose owing to Scorpius's awesome machinations and our heroes' usual tendency to biff the little details in their plans. Also, Aeryn is supposedly dead. Are we all caught up now? Good.
So the episode begins with...a shot of Moya. D'argo is pacing back and forth, asking if there's any communication with the planet. Pilot testily replies, "Nothing! The diagnostian said we'd be notified as soon as there was something to report." Hee! I love when he treats Moya's crewmembers like toddlers. In a different part of the ship, Zhaan and Stark are striding around purposefully -- probably off to bore some enemy into submission somewhere -- and Zhaan asks if there's been any news. Pilot snaps, "I would have told you if there were." Stark frets that they should have been down there with Crichton, and Zhaan points out that Crichton didn't want them there. She snaps back at Pilot, "The microt you hear anything --" and he wearily replies, "Yes, Zhaan."
And now here's Crais, rolling his eyes as he frets, "If the neural messages got through to Scorpius, his command carrier must be on its way." Pilot busts out his own italics with "We know that, Crais." I take back my assessment of Pilot's aptitude for toddler-wrangling; his powers go beyond that. He could be a managing editor somewhere -- all the fun of dealing with toddlers, plus deadline pressure! And just then, Moya's answer to the lifestyle desk tags in: Chiana wants to know if there's been any news and Pilot snaps, "No! The moment I know something, you'll know it. Until then, leave me alone!"
We cut to Jothee asking snottily if Pilot's always so peremptory, only because this is Jothee, he can't handle the big words so he settles for "like that." Chiana points out that Aeryn's death hit Pilot hard, and Jothee caresses Chiana's face as he replies, "It hit everybody hard." There's a joke in there about "hard" and "hitting it," but Jothee irritates me, so you're on your own in writing the set-up. And the punchline.
Meanwhile, back on the icy planet of Hoth, the battle's heated up as a group of Lucasfilm lawyers descend in AT-ATs to -- oh, sorry. Mixed up my Muppet-rich space-opera franchises. This is the one with nuanced story-telling and believable characterization. We're back at the galaxy's worst Kaiser Permanente outpost, and Braca's just hauled the greasy Greenschlick up to ask why he was hiding. Greenschlick pulls the "well, you got your peanut butter in my chocolate" response and wants to know if there's any good reason for Braca and company to be running around with weapons drawn. We soon establish that Braca had set up a side deal with Greenschlick, and the old scam artist dropped the dime on Crichton the minute he checked in. Touchingly, he then asks Braca to keep up his end of the deal. Such sweet naivete! Braca rewards him by jamming his weapon further in Greenschlick's fleshy jaw, and shortly after Greenschlick snarls that "You don't want to frell with me!" we hear a familiar voice. Silky with menace, larded with sinister satisfaction, Scorpius drawls, "If I were in your situation, I'd give every evidence that I still present a purpose." Greenschlick grovels. Scorpius then exposits, "Now that my neurochip has absorbed everything from John's mind, we're through here." He holds up the chip in an alas-poor-Yorick gesture and says lightly, "Poor Crichton. It's going to be so lonely. Never mind..." Then he licks the gobbets of bloody tissue off the chip. I can't recall Hamlet ever doing likewise during his graveyard droning.
Back in the operating theatre, Crichton's still doing the incoherent-screaming thing. The safety phrase is "fine leather-clad ass," John! We go to a close-up of him screaming, and then segue into what's going on in his head.
He's in a IASA jacket and generic white guy clothes, standing on the dock. It is dark; there is a moon out, its light splashed on the surface of the water. We hear "John!" and Crichton turns around. He looks startled. We see Harvey walking down the dock toward John, saying grimly, "It's me, John. I'm still here." Crichton protests, "What? No, no, no, no, no. No. You're gone, the chip's gone -- get out of my head." Harvey says flatly, "I'd like to. I don't wish to remain here. Therefore, you must die." Cut to Crichton looking at him, clearly thinking, "My secret girlfriend got killed, I let some big leather dress-wearing dude cut open my head, I'm strapped to a table with my brains on display, and the procedure didn't even work? THE HELL?"
Credits! So dramatic! So filled with leather and puppets!
Cut to Greenschlick trying to make a case for his continued existence. He's interrupted by a Peacekeeper flunkie most accurately described as "Sergeant-Major Good-looking." He's got a decoded message: Moya's swinging to position, all is going according to Scorpius's evil plans -- except because the battle took longer than they thought, Scorpius's rendezvous with the mother ship will be delayed by 3.5 arns. Both Scorpius and Braca stop gloating immediately. Scorpy says that Crichton's shipmates won't stay away that long. Ever the yes-man, Braca says, "We can eliminate them." My, he has symmetrical eyebrows. What is it about the Peacekeeper men that makes them all so metrosexual? I mean, you've got Crais, who clearly has a whole cabinet full of hair products secreted somewhere aboard Talyn -- and probably gets the ship to laser-trim his beard -- and you've got Braca, who would appear to be no stranger to the esthetician's table. Scorpius says dismissively that Moya and her crew don't worry -- Talyn and his well-groomed pilot do. Sergeant-Major Good-looking protests that he flew them there undetected, but Scorpy snaps, "Because Crais and Talyn were preoccupied with Officer Sun's last flight!" Oh no, he di'int! Then Scorpius gets all up in Sergeant-Major Good-looking's personal space (understandable...) and asks, "If we were to get away now, how long would we remain undetected?" Sergeant-Major Good-looking smarms that they'd be at least a thousand metras before the gunship detected them. Scorpius fumes that it's not good enough, and the carrier's still far off. Greenschlick is watching all this with a look like, "So how can I take advantage of this?" Answer: by extending his hospitality and offering a "very private" room. He will doubtless regret that offer.
Cut to Crichton screaming. We flash back into his scrambled noggin, where Harvey is leaning on the rail on the dock and saying calmly, "Death is the only sensible course, John. For everything, there is a season: a time to be born --" The two finish the passage in unison: "And a time to die." Crichton gives him a baleful glare as he says, "The devil quotes Scripture. I thought you were put in here to protect me." Harvey construct testily replies, "Until my task was completed. Scorpius has recovered the neurochip --" "You should be gone! How come you're not." Crichton grits. I have to say, in terms of actors who do anger well, Ben Browder is right up there. It's practically killing the Scorpius construct to admit he doesn't know why he's still here, but yes, the situation is intolerable. He ratchets up the rhetoric: "End it, John! Free us from one another! Scorpius has the neurochip, Aeryn Sun is dead, your power of speech is gone! The only one you'll ever talk to again is me! Is that how you want to live? End it, John. Do it."
In one of the corridors, we see Rygel zooming along on his chair, shouting, "Greenschlick! Where are you? You told me the ship would be ready by now. Greenschlick!" From the depths of the couch, the husband applauds, crowing, "He is the coolest puppet in the history of puppetry!" He loves Rygel.
The faint sounds of glossolalia float out into the corridor. Rygel follows them back to the operating theatre, where Crichton gives him the gibberish special. Rygel begins, "You're even more inarticulate than --" but stops as he beholds the twitching, gasping surgeon. "Tokot..." he says gently.
Cut to Moya, with Zhaan saying, "We'll come down at once." We quickly cut to the kitchen where Chiana rushes to meet D'Argo all, "Hey! We got a meal ready! I was not at all rubbing up against your son! There's no guilty conscience here at all!" D'Argo gives her the 411 on the planetside sitch. Then he tells her and Jothee to stay put in the event that Scorpius's carrier appears -- this way, the two of them can starburst to safety via Moya. It's obviously because he can't stand the thought of losing either of them, but he can't say it, and neither Chiana nor Jothee see it that way. So D'Argo barks, "Do what I tell you!" and thus tidily provides the convenient, shoddy excuse both parties need to carry on in his absence.
Cut to Braca, who is getting a quick season 2 recap from Greenschlick while Scorpius broods and glowers in the background like the world's wrinkliest teenager. Sergeant Major Good-looking comes in to break the news of Team Moya's imminent arrival planetside. By the way, he too displays unnerving familiarity with a metrosexual skin-care regimen; I bet he uses the Nivea For Peacekeepers facial wash, toner and exfoliating scrub. Scorpius is not pleased that Greenschlick didn't tell them first. The greasy huckster protests that all he needs to do is talk to Team Moya -- "I'll tell them anything you like." "How prescient of you," Scorpius diffidently comments. Then he plunges the mother of all syringes into the base of Greenschlick's skull. As the con artist drops to his knees, body stiffening as he pants, Scorpius puts on a headset with an optical interface and exposits, "Yours is an interesting species, Greenschlick. Simple mind, simple brain, easily dominated. And easily controlled" I believe this is the most successful use of Bluetooth technology EVER. (I kid. Sort of.) We see Scorpius and Greenschlick doing a sort of mime exercise just in case any viewers missed the message that Scorpy's ordering Greenschlick's brain to do things.
We then cut to one of the funniest visuals of the episode: Rygel giving mouth-to-mouth to Tokut the surgeon. Zhaan comes sprinting in, the rest of Team Moya behind her. You can tell it's cold because she's sporting a Stevie Nicks-style sweater-coat and head scarf. Stark is wearing a coat made from the pelts of insubordinate Muppets. Zhaan tells him to keep trying, and he sasses back, "You try!" A stricken D'Argo's rushed over to cradle Crichton. Stark is wandering around with his one good eye bugged out in horror at whatever, and as Rygel finishes his fit of pique with "Enough is enough! It's just not working!"...Tokut comes to with a gasping cough. He gasps out, "Scor- Scorpius." D'Argo's look of dread is also mixed with grim resolution.
Cut to renegade metrosexual Crais. He's busy musing, "The command carrier couldn't have arrived without our knowing. Scorpius must have come in a prowler or a marauder on a stealth trajectory." Zhaan wants to know if the big baddie is still around and Crais says, "Possibly. If so, reinforcements may follow." I'll say this for the PK crew: they know how to break bad news with style.
We then see Scorpius working out the bugs with his new puppet Greenschlick. Braca looks on, all "Are you sure you want to touch his mind? You don't know where that thing's been." He does not cheer up after Scorpius forces Greenschlick to shoot himself in the arm.
D'Argo finds the wounded Greenschlick. He groans that Scorpius shot him and took the chip a few arns ago, but he's gone now. D'Argo asks, "Are you sure he's gone?' "Long gone," Greenschlick says. One wonders how Scorpius avoids giggling after saying that. Oh, wait -- there's a shot of him giggling now.
Back in Crichton's operating theatre, Stark decides to open a dialogue on bioethics, but Greenschlick refuses to play along, pointing out that no donor (i.e. people-sicles), no operation. Stark rebuts that Crichton didn't want an operation if it requires a donor, and Greenschlick inexplicably points out that nobody's been harmed, and the doctor was only borrowing some cerebral-spinal fluid to "top up" Crichton's. D'Argo irritably asks how the donors can be harmed if they're dead, and Zhaan smarts off that they're not dead, they're mostly dead. Greenschlick says, "They're effectively dead because they can't be restored and live." Stark gets all bleeding-heart with "They're trapped between two realms! Lost --" He takes a breath so he can work up into a right wobbler, but D'Argo puts a stop to that. Who's the daddy? D'Argo's the daddy!
D'Argo then asks Tokut what they can do now, and after a few trills from the doctor, Greenschlick balefully points out that they could restore John's speech...but that would use up a donor. Six feet up on her high horse, Zhaan calls down, "You mean 'kill.'" Greenschlick waves his hand and says dismissively, "Whatever you want to call it --" "Crichton definitely would not want that," Stark insists. Greenschlick then gives what can be called the exact opposite of a sales pitch, pointing out that Crichton's brain is so scrambled, the operation might not work anyway. D'Argo suggests that they find out what John wants by having Zhaan share unity with him. She is understandably less-than-thrilled about this, pointing out "the last time, I wasn't strong enough to withstand Scorpius's evil." D'Argo posits that the evil is gone. Zhaan protests that the chip may be gone, but the evil could be lingering. It's pretty evident that she's more afraid of her own weakness than she actually is of any external threat. D'Argo gently presses that "if that's true, we still need to know." Zhaan has the look of a little kid who really doesn't want her dad to turn off the light at bedtime. D'Argo steps forward, promising, "You're not alone now, Zhaan." As she works herself into a panic, Zhaan turns to look at Stark; he nods in assent with D'Argo. In an incongruously chivalrous move, Greenschlick helps Zhaan up to the table where John's lying. She prepares to do that voodoo that she do...does, really, and not so well. Anyway, the rest of Team Moya (absent the short, helium-producing member) moves to flank her, and a tremulous Zhaan soon moves into unity.
We hear Scorpius's whispery, echoing voice implore, "Delvian, Delvian...listen to Crichton." Zhaan begins having a bit of a freakout, and the rest of Team Moya is like, "Uhhhh..." Crichton tells Zhaan she may as well leave, as there's nothing left to be done. Before Zhaan can get it together, Stark yells, "Come out of it! Break unity!" and Zhaan does. Well played, o mistress of mental mumbo-jumbo. She shares the news that Crichton's still got the Scorpius clone in his head. Stark has himself a hissy, while Zhaan and D'Argo decide it's time for them to kick some metaphorical ass and take names. D'Argo promises Crichton, "We're going to get that frelling madman out of your mind."
Anyway, Zhaan makes like she's about to euthanize Crichton, and Greenschlick is eagerly handing over an aerosol syringe thingie, eager to play backup to Zhaan Kevorkian. She's heading on over to kill Crichton, and Stark grabs her just in the nick of time. As Zhaan wails, "Let me go! He wants to die!" Crichton chimes in with "Garrbaa! Blaggbulble!"
After things calm down a little, Zhaan reminds everyone that it's not like she was planning on murdering an unwilling guy. D'Argo barks, "We have already lost Aeryn! We're not losing another." Stark testily inquires as to why the Scorpius clone is still in Crichton's mind, and the doc shrugs all, "Feel free to take it up with your benefits provider...sucker." The explanation Greenschlick gives is that there must have been some kind of neural bleed -- the clone's personality has been in there so long, its consciousness has merged with Crichton's. Then Scorpius exclaims to himself, "How interesting..." Unfortunately, he does it aloud so it appears to be Greenschlick saying that. Creepy!
D'Argo peremptorily orders, "Just remove it!" and the doctor says something like, "Did you spend 5000 arns in medical school? No? Then don't be telling me my business, Doctor D'Argo." Greenschlick explains that the whole point to something merging is that it can't be easily sliced out. Zhaan climbs back on the "Kill Crichton" bandwagon and Greenschlick gives it a hearty push. D'Argo's had enough: "All right, you two! Get out." Greenschlick goes to protest, and D'Argo emphasizes, "Get out! And do not come back into this chamber." Stark watches them go with a foreboding look that mothers of toddlers with separation anxiety will recognize, then attempts to 'nad up and help D'Argo.
D'Argo doesn't really need the help. He strides over to the doctor and barks, "You! Restore his speech!" The doctor flutes that Crichton was adamant about not doing any harm to any donors. Stark then flips out -- I should just program that phrase as a macro in Word right now, shouldn't I? -- and claims, "You're the ones harming the donors! Their souls are crying out, screaming in pain." Why? Because they were committed members of an anti-hysterics sect, and you've come along to taunt them in their slumbers? Anyway, Stark decides to demonstrate the difference between "mostly dead" and "all dead" by busting open one of the sarcophagi and liberating its inhabitant. The dude falls out, emits a long, agonized wail, and dies. Crichton's peeved: "Wabble frangitz blah!" Stark assures him that this kills two birds with one stone. The dead dude is liberated from his pain, and there's now enough donor tissue to operate on Crichton. D'Argo, who has been watching all this, is like, "Okay, doctor. Hop to!" Crichton mutters, "Mussle frussle" and D'Argo snaps, "As for you, do not make me tongue you." I...I can't even type out the joke I had here without blushing. Just suffice it to say that the word "Chiana" is in the punchline.
So Greenschlick and Zhaan are trundling through the halls. She tells him she's going outside to get some air and meditate, and he replies that he didn't think she was hardy enough to survive in USDA zones 1 and 2. Crais then buzzes in to see what's going on. Zhaan's pithy reply ("Nothing") gets longer when Greenschlick (AKA Scorpy, using Greenschlick as his puppet) grabs her wrist and asks, "Still in orbit? Why don't you go chase that bastard Scorpius?" We switch back to Crais, who glumly exposits the trail is cold, and then Greenschlick finds out that Crais is just hanging around waiting for Aeryn's body. He gets a very Scorpius-like look of secretive glee on hearing that. Greenschlick then proposes that Zhaan deliver the coffin up to Crais, but Zhaan plays the wilting lily. Greenschlick implores her, "I'm trying to get rid of that yarbo and his gunship from my planet. I don't trust them!" Zhaan is not having it. She storms off. Scorpius sneers at the idea of them all leaving; in the background, Braca's like, "Does that thingy you're plugged into work like dermabrasion? Can I try it?"
Meanwhile, back on Moya, Chiana's helping Jothee write that letter to Penthouse that starts, "I never thought I had a shot with my stepmom-to-be. Then I made her potato chips, and thing I knew, we were dry-humping in the kitchen..." The whole point to this scene is that Chiana has cold feet about settling down with D'Argo, so instead of doing the mature thing and talking to him about it, she's going with the scorched-earth tactic of effecting a twofold betrayal.
Crichton and his naked brain are on display back at Kaiser PermaNOTe. The operation's over, and the doctor excuses itself to go to the little squeaky-talking bug-thing's room. As he leaves, Crichton manages to speak, choking out, "Aeryn's gone. Want to die." D'Argo puts it all in perspective, reminding him that Aeryn died so he could live, and the best way to honor what she did is to keep fighting. Crichton says, "Lost...still hear Scorpy." Amazingly, Stark does something useful: "This is a remnant, an impotent wraith buzzing in your ear. You are stronger than him. Show him!"
So Crichton does. We're back on the dock, and Crichton's still in his generic white guy gear, but oh, that swagger. I...I will be rewinding and reviewing that bring it ON! strut. Many times. Frame by frame by delicious frame. Crichton says, "Hey, Harvey, let's have a little chat." Harvey sounds especially fussy as he says, "I don't wish to chat, John. I wish to leave. And that is why you must die." Harvey is not especially sensitive to social cues, is he? Crichton's all, "Why don't you kill me? You've done it before -- stopped my brain function cold. What's the matter? You lost your touch?" Oooh, is there anything more fun than Belligerent Crichton? Harvey protests that the circumstances are different now. Crichton pops some gum as he points out, "Yes, they are. You got no back-up, no connections, no power supply. No place to hide." He slings an arm around Harvey's shoulder. Inexplicably, Harvey is not swooning from this. Crichton says, "I want to make some rules now..."
He then shoves Harvey, saying, "Come on, let me show you what I mean." And Harvey lands on his back on a dusty warehouse floor. He struggles to get up, and begins to speak to Crichton, but John's in his black tee and those leather pants. Clearly, Crichton came here to chew gum and kick ass, and he's all out of Big Red. Crichton punches him, noting that his brain ain't big enough for the two of them. Harvey reels, then attempts to be all menacing with, "Now, Crichton, I'm warning you." "I'm sorry, sweetheart," Crichton says, cheerily unrepentant as he eases into a boxing stance, then punches Harvey again. Harvey tries blustering and threatening, but Crichton's nimbly dancing along, floating like a butterfly, punching like a pissed-off dude who's had squatters in his head for a few too many episodes. Crichton kicks Harvey's ass, and as the appalled doppelganger struggles to his feet, Crichton bellows, "Can I get a 'Hell, yeah'?" An invisible chorus shouts back, "Hell, yeah!" Harvey looks visibly spooked. Then Crichton squares off and glares and looks really frelling hot as he says, "Pray for your soul, Scorpy. If you have one. And pray for the soul of Aeryn Sun." There's a world of pain in his kick. Harvey retches as he tries to recover. Crichton flings Harvey into a dumpster. The invisible crowd goes wild, and Crichton collapses. Catharsis takes a lot out of you, even if you're a tasty leather pants-wearin', ass-kicking space cowboy.
Back at Kaiser PermaNOTe, Tokut notices something blinky on a monitor. He trills something in distress at Greenschlick, but Scorpius is the one who exposits that one of the cryogenic pods just cued an auto-release sequence. Greenschlick attempts to bluff his way out of it, but it all ends badly: spurred on by conscientiousness, the doctor goes to check out the patient. As Greenschlick implores, "Doc, leave it to me! Doc! Doc!" -- thereby completely blowing his bluff in front of Scorpius and Braca, two of the least forgiving people in the universe -- the doctor soldiers on and gets a face full of Scarran for his trouble. Eeek! Those things creep me the frell out. They're like what would have happened if the dinosaurs hadn't gone extinct, I think.
Cut to Scorpius, who seems genuinely outraged to find out that there's a live, angry Scarran running about Kaiser PermaNOTe. Braca's moved beyond outrage into plain old rage; he tidily breaks Greenschlick's arm with one blow. And then we get a totally gross scene where Scorpy puts on the Bluetooth headset and makes Greenschlick bite off his own finger. Aiiugh! I didn't sign up for this! I signed up for the prospect of countless shots of Crichton's tasty leather pants. Tasty pants, not tasty fingers!
Anyway, after that gruesome little incident, Greenschlick explains that the Scarrans found out Scorpy had his cooling system installed at Kaiser PermaNOTe, and so they installed a spy on the premises to cool his heels until Scorpy showed up for maintenance. Braca seems outraged that Greenschlick took money for this; Greenschlick insists that he was going to keep the Scarran frozen and hand him over to Scorpius, but then Braca and company had to ruin it all by overrunning the place with their guns and whatnot, so "I kind of doubted your good intentions. As insurance, I switched on the Scarran's auto-release, three arn's delay. If you'd have behaved and paid what we agreed, I'd have switched it off." Greenschlick then holds up his mangled hand and whispers, "I hope he kills you very slowly." Scorpius bitterly replies, "Not likely."
Back on Moya, Jothee's all, "My dad is so totally going to kill me for doing his girlfriend!" and Chiana's just sort of marinating in irritation. When Rygel comes in, they're both like, "All those banging noises you heard from the kitchen were because we're really clumsy cooks and not because we had extremely raucous off-camera sex! Really!" Rygel is all, "Do I look like I care? I have a levitating chair and a full plate. What else could I possibly need?"
Meanwhile, Braca's busy figuring out everyone's whereabouts. Sergeant-Major Good-looking asks if he should just go ahead and take out the Scarran. This suggestion is met with some derision on Greenschlick's part. Either Greenschlick is too stupid to realize he's not getting out of this alive, or he's stopped giving a damn. I'm not sure which it is. Scorpius puts on the Bluetooth headset and prepares to send his puppet out.
Crichton sits up and lauds Stark for his sage advice, asking how he knew it would work. Stark replies, "I didn't. It just sounded good." Crichton's all, "Oooh-kay then. Not listening to the freaky bald dude anymore!" He's itching to pay the bill and get going. Stark is all, "At last! I can return to my proper place -- clinging to Zhaan's skirts like a moist and sticky toddler!"
Greenschlick lurches outside, calling for the Scarran. He's all, "So! No Scorpius here, but we do have John Crichton. Will you take that?" The Scarran replies, "Scorpius seems obsessed with him. We want to know why." Greenschlick merrily inquires," Why don't you ask him? He's in the surgery room, recovering. He'll confuse you with the insurance policy auditor." The Scarran begins to interrogate Greenschlick, and we cut to Scorpius mouthing the dialogue, assuring the Scarran that everything's on the up-and-up. After the Q&A's wrapped up, the Scarran grabs Greenschlick by the throat and thrusts him into the empty cryogenic pod, explaining, "I might have use for you later." Greenschlick's frozen in mid-scream. It's too bad Stark's not around to see it -- he would consider it just desserts.
Scorpius is like, "Okay! On to phase two!" He gives Sergeant Major Good-looking a name -- Offier Kobrin -- and there's some back and forth about needing to get to the carrier without getting blown to pieces by a sulky adolescent Leviathan. Kobrin confidently assures Scorpius he can do it because he's got mad pilot skillz -- "My last rating was nine-nine-one, sir. Highest active pilot ranking."
Stark had found Zhaan; she had evidently meditated her way to inner peace by parking herself in front of Aeryn's coffin. And how fortunate for all of us that she did -- Aeryn's only mostly dead. Stark points out that he can't hear Aeryn's voice, and "If her soul's not fled entirely, it's much too far to be reached. Even the attempt would be dangerous." Zhaan steels herself, agrees insincerely, "Yes, you're probably right," then rears back and clocks him.
Cut to the creepy, creepy Scarran running around. I tell you, he's what Velociraptor would have evolved into, given enough millennia.
Back in the operating theatre, Crichton's testing his ability to enunciate; he quietly recites, "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers" while D'Argo tries to raise the rest of Team Moya via his comlink. We then hear D'Argo's tinny inquiry as Zhaan drags Stark's unconscious body. It is wrong, wrong, wrong of me to enjoy that whole knocking-him-out thing, isn't it?
Crichton shrugs on his jacket and they get ready to go...right as the Scarran gets ready to knock. D'Argo proves he's the daddy by not missing a beat: he whirls into action and gets a few hits in until Crichton shrieks, "D'Argo!" in a tone that adds, "You idiot! You can't box a seven-foot lizard into submission!" They slame the doors shut, and Crichton asks, "Where the hell did that come from?" D'Argo replies, "We have no weapons, so I suggest a tactical retreat." The two of them quickly suss out the other exit, and Crichton is like, "I cannot believe you didn't bring any weapons." D'Argo says he brought down his Qualta blade, but it's still sealed. Crichton snits, "How am I supposed to know that?"
They find a hatch, and D'Argo wheels back, explaining to Crichton, "I hate the cold." Crichton checks out the doors the Scarran is currently trying to melt, and decrees, "Freeze or fry." They head out, seconds ahead of the Scarran.
Braca delightedly reports that the Scarran's gone after Crichton and D'Argo, but Scorpius just isn't happy, dammit. "Two of the others are currently blocking our path to the surface. If they see us and notify Crais..." Ever the people pleaser, Braca proposes sending two commandos from the marauder -- at the right, tricky angle, they could take out the obstacles. Scorpius turns to look at Kobrin, who looks back all, "Nine-nine-one, Scorpy."
Crichton and D'Argo head outside. Crichton notes that the Scarran hasn't followed them yet, and D'Argo expresses his hope that the reptilian menace will. "Sounds like you've got a plan," Crichton says hopefully. D'Argo does: "We're going to bring him out here, and see how he likes being out in the cold." Crichton asks, "What if he likes it?" and an exasperated D'Argo shouts, "Look! One! Plan! At a time!" Hee! Oh, how I love the interplay between those two.
Zhaan kisses the unconscious Stark (oh, the wailing and rending of garments that will occur when he's later hipped to what he missed) and murmurs, "Forgive me, Stark, but I need your strength. And I know you'd never allow me to risk this." After that bit of exposition, she lifts his mask, we get that lightbulb-in-the-Pulp-Fiction-briefcase effect, and Zhaan stands in the radiant light in front of Aeryn's casket. She rests her forehead against it, and in a truly elegant transition shot, we move from the golden effulgence of the physical scene to the cool blue-lit setting of...the cosmic waiting room for souls? I don't see a stack of Reader's Digests in there from the Bush I administration, or someone attempting to fill out paperwork, but it's got the same vacant, timeless feel that most waiting rooms have, and Aeryn's slumped in her seat like someone who's already read everything, even the pamphlets on getting your fetus to quit smoking and the Newsweek predicting a Dean victory.
While some operatic hussy trills in the background, Zhaan walks toward Aeryn with a bemused, maternal smile. The music swells, Aeryn slowly lifts her head -- she's still strapped to the chair that held her as she sank -- and the wind conveniently blows her hair back so we can all remember that damn, Claudia Black has some of the loveliest facial planes in the sci-fi actress realm. Aeryn opens her eyes. Not surprisingly, there's no serenity there -- just a wary challenge. Zhaan's smile grows, and she asks, "Do you know who I am?" Aeryn only stares at her; the furrow in her brow provides the answer. Zhaan continues, "Do you know who you are?" Aeryn answers, "Officer Aeryn Sun, special Peacekeeper commando, Icarian unit, Pleisar regiment." This must be the cosmic equivalent of the Geneva Convention's "name, rank and serial number" routine. Good thing Alberto Gonzales hasn't extended the Executive Branch's reach to the afterlife yet! Zhaan is looking at Aeryn with affectionate amusement. Aeryn's voice, still echoing as if coming from a great distance, asks, "Have you come to reassign me?" Zhaan is echo-y now too; she says, "I have come to take you back." Then she walks over and takes the warrior's hands in hers. Then the two enter unity.
We get a brilliant flash of light. When it dies down, we see the two women doing an uncanny imitation of Janus, the two-faced god. Aeryn seems to have returned to more of the self she's choosing to be, remembering Zhaan and asking what they're doing. Zhaan explains, "Unity, Aeryn. The sharing of minds and souls. As our thoughts merge, you will understand." "I understand that you shouldn't be here," Aeryn replies. Then the two women are face to face -- Zhaan has just told Aeryn she shouldn't be in that cool blue void either, and Aeryn responds, "Why are you doing this?" Zhaan answers, "Because I love you. More importantly, Crichton loves you. You must take this gift not for my sake, but for his."
Then we abruptly jerk from the dreamy, transitory ether to grimy real life for a moment. Zhaan's shaking. Back in the cosmic waiting room, a dismayed Aeryn says, "I can't. I know your thoughts and I know what this will cost you." Zhaan begs Aeryn to stop resisting, but Aeryn says no, and we go back to the real world, where Zhaan's just been flung back from the sarcophagus. She wails, "No! Aeryn!" Unfortunately, her bad day's about to get worse; the Peacekeepers have arrived and they're packing heat.
Cut to Scorpius saying, "We'll take Stark with us." Behind him, Braca stands there and tries not to fret about any possible delays cutting into his gym time -- it's abs day, after all. However, he gives orders for Zhaan to be killed. Before the Peacekeeper can shoot, he himself -- and his little friend -- are shot and killed. Stark openly goggles in shock. Zhaan's "What the frell?" look is replaced by pleased relief as a fully-living Aeryn steps out, D'Argo's Qualta blade cradled in her arms. Y'all, the first time I saw this, I actually cheered.
As Aeryn stands there trying to figure out what's going on, the touchy-feelies are all, "Woo hoo! Zhaan's raising people from the dead!" The newly resurrected has no time for it; she curtly inquires as to everyone else's whereabouts, then heads for the surgical theatre.
Meanwhile, Braca now has bigger problems than missing his abs workout and exfoliation day. Scorpius has just noted, "The commandos are dead. Even if Crais is not aware of our presence, the Scarran won't stay diverted forever." Officer Kobrin is now Scorpy's new favorite metrosexual Peacekeeper -- he'll be flying now.
And D'Argo's plan is getting put to the test now. The Scarran heads outside, and flinches in the cold, as well he should, what with running around in a nipple-exposing leather bikini with shoulder pads and all. Why didn't he go the Stark route and just kill a Muppet for its pelt? A little punch-drunk, Crichton chortles, "Here he comes! I don't think he likes the cold either. Ha!" He and D'Argo lumber toward an exit, Crichton quipping, "Warm up the hot cocoa, baby. Here we come." The Scarran goes to fire up his heat gland and fry our boys, but it's jammed. As is the door Crichton and D'Argo want to go through. Crichton throws a patented snit fit, and the reptile creeps closer. D'Argo orders Crichton to unjam the door while he tries some sort of futile and idiotic suicide move. The Scarran knocks him out with one punch.
Out in space, Talyn and Crais have just figured out that yes, there's a vessel leaving the planet, no, it's not a transport pod, and yes, they should pursue.
Back on the planet, D'Argo's getting his ass handed to him. Fortunately, Aeryn's found them and she shoots the Scarran a few times with the Qualta blade. D'Argo's all, "Hey! That's my Qualta blade!" and Crichton replies, "Can't be. You left it in the coffin." The Scarran's still on its feet while they're debating this. Aeryn's weapon runs out of juice, and as she scrabbles to fix it, Crichton rushes forward, yelling, "Hey, horse face!" He finishes the Scarran by stabbing it in one of its wounds with an icicle. Aeryn stumbles over.
She and D'Argo get Crichton into a protected area, and she crouches down to Crichton. He comes to and reels back, shouting, "Whoa! No! You're gone." "It's me, John," she assures him. It's not taking -- and who can blame him? He's had a full season of Harvey in his head. Crichton shouts, "It can't be! You -- you must be some sort of mind trick! She died!" Aeryn tells him, "Zhaan brought me back! She did a unity thing." This penetrates his thick skull. And then we get an awesome reunion clinch -- yeah, I squealed like a Clay Aiken fan the first time I saw this, because I'm a sap -- and both of them are all verklempt.
Out in space, Crais and Talyn are joy-riding after Scorpius. "This pursuit will end in your death, Scorpius," Crais vows. He is so damn dramatic. Scorpius tells him that he's got information that'll defeat the Scarrans, so even if Crais isn't down with the PK posse anymore, he should at least consider sparing Scorpius so the Sebaceans will be spared the wrath of the lizard people. Crais isn't having it: "You consider one Sebacean who died at your hands, Officer Aeryn Sun." I think it's great how the smoldering torch he's carrying for Aeryn perfectly complements his outfit.
Anyway, there's a bit of a cat-and-mouse game in space, the two men continue to dicker over their space-intercoms. Scorpius promises that the carrier will destroy Crais and Talyn. The other man bites off, "Possibly." Then he talks to Talyn, asking if they're in agreement. They are. In a move that can only be described as flamboyant with a capital FLAM, Crais flings his arms out, makes his best lo-I-am-the-captain-of-my-destiny face, and bellows, "Fire!" There's a tidy little explosion, and then Crais patches into Moya, saying with great gravitas, "Pilot. Scorpius is dead." Since the command carrier's chasing Talyn, they'll just draw it away from Moya before they starburst. Pilot's still stuck on the first part of the message: "Scorpius is dead?" Crais's theatricality drops down a notch or twelve, and his face sets into austere lines of grief. "Yes," he says quietly. "Officer Sun is avenged." I can't help but wonder if he's thinking of Tauvo during this.
Ever the gossip, Pilot's passing the news on to D'Argo and the lovebirds. Crichton replies, "Damn shame on two counts -- too quick, and I wasn't there to see it." Stark then comms in and brings down the mood, gloomily reporting that Tokut and Greenschlick are both dead. He looks at Greenschlick's face in its coffin and adds bitterly, "Effectively." Just desserts have been served.
Now that the medical staff has been laid off for good, Crichton decides they'll take the two remaining Interons back aboard Moya. "One of them died because of me," he says. "You think they can be saved?" Aeryn asks. "You were," he replies. You know, Crichton, you are a lot hotter when we can see the tasty leather pants and you are not acting like a 6th-grader. Aeryn still looks a little wigged to be alive.
Speaking of alive, it's Scorpius, playing with the implant, still at Kaiser PermaNOTe. Braca interrupts his reverie for some exposition: "A signal from the command carrier, sir. Moya and Talyn have both fled. A prowler detail is on its way to pick us up." Scorpius asks about the maurauder, and Braca doesn't bother to hide his grin as he says lightly, "Destroyed." Scorpius drawls, "Plainly, Officer Kobrin overestimated his piloting skills." Well, we'll miss him and his flawless, metrosexual skin. Scopius is like, "On to bigger and better things! Like a new Gammak research base! Who doesn't get hot for the scientific method and defense spending?" Well, Scorpy does. Metaphorically, I mean. And he nearly swoons at the prospect of prying all the wormhole information out of the chip. If he's all that thrilled over one chip, I can't even imagine how he comports himself at Fry's.
Back aboard Moya, Chiana and her giant neon sign reading "Ask me about all the sex I'm NOT having with Jothee!" snuggle up to an exhausted D'Argo. She asks him if the food tastes all right, and he's like, "Mmmph. There's a secret ingredient...mmmm. It tastes like pending betrayal! Or is it cardamom?" D'Argo mentions that he's so cold, he can't smell anything, but he's warming up. Rygel interjects, "[My food] is more than adequate. All the time you two spent in here was ultimately productive." Heh -- he totally suspects. D'Argo does not. He sighs happily, "Two excellent cooks. I couldn't be luckier." We get a close-up of Chiana's guilt-ridden face as she looks at Jothee. Rygel, meanwhile, blusters about how he's thrilled Greenschlick is dead, as he was ripped off by the crusty con.
And then the forlorn woodwind solo starts up, so you just know we're about to get that patented Farscape Feel Bad Episode Ender. The camera focuses on Crichton's face -- half in light, half in shadow -- as he hangs on the bridge and looks at the two people-sicles. Aeryn comes in, and he asks, "Finished making your rounds?" Without looking at him, she nods. I love that she even did that -- it's such a nice, small, consistent detail.
They're not even looking at each other. Aeryn chokes out, "I shouldn't be here." "This is exactly where you should be," Crichton replies hoarsely. The woodwind sobs, and then Crichton adds, "I love you." The camera swings over to Aeryn's face, which is a mix of relief and sorrow. She tells him she loves him too. Crichton walks over and then we get a totally hot space clinch. Music swells, spit gets swapped, it's all very passionate, and right as Crichton rounds first base and sprints to second, Aeryn breaks the news: "We will not act on." Crichton's like, "Are you mad, woman?" and she continues, "My Peacekeeper training was right about one thing: soliders and emotional attachments in battle may distort your thinking." Crichton points out they're not in battle. She replies, "What happens when Moya comes into contact with more Scarrans, or Nebari, or Sheyangs or something worse?" This is...this is like the space equivalent of " I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that." And Crichton is all "I really prefer The English Patient where the two romantic leads decide that as a matter of fact, their problems do matter more than anything else going on during World War II. Seriously. Can we get back to the making out.? I liked that part."
With finality, with reluctance, Aeryn tells him she won't let her love life be the root cause of any more deaths. The blood has finally returned to Crichton's brain, and he asks, "What do you mean, anyone else?"
Cut to Stark cuddling Zhaan. She calmly greets a devastated-looking Crichton, and he says awkwardly, "Aeryn just told me that, ah, whatever you did to bring her back...it took everything you had." Zhaan smiles and nods. Crichton looks rocked, but quickly asks, "Is there anything we can do to help?" Nope. Looking wrecked, Crichton says, "I will not accept that." Zhaan ends the episode by telling him, "I have, John. I'm dying."
See? See what I mean about the patented Farscape Feel Bad Episode Ender? I defy anyone to sit through this episode without feeling drained afterward. And yet, we'll all be hurtling through the rest of season three, 'cause it hurts so good.