DRDs scuttle and squeal out of the way, behaving just like my cats when they know feeding time is at hand. Bad-ass Peacekeepers in their bad-ass red and black leathers stomp in a bad-ass way through WHAT WE ARE SUPPOSED TO THINK IS PRESENT-DAY MOYA. And since WE ARE SUPPOSED TO THINK IT IS PRESENT-DAY MOYA, we should be scared for Moya and her crew. At first, I was all, "Aw, yee-aah! This is the one where Browder puts on that atrocious British accent, and I get to make fun of his pretty, pretty mouth all the livelong night!" But it's not. But that's okay. I'll settle for being disturbed by this episode's events instead of being disturbed by Browder's mouth. And lips. And teeth. And gums. And canker--you know what? We don't know each other well enough for that yet.
Anyway.
The Peacekeepers enter the Pilot Chamber and a female-sounding pilot (NOT PILOT) gets testy with the head PK, Lt. Velorek, saying that she's been bonded to the Leviathan for twenty-one cycles (that's twenty-one years for the Faren'tscapers out there. Who are reading this recap for some inexplicable reason, but maybe it's all because of the love for me, which is quite sweet, really.) and that his sexy, leathered display of force won't change her mind. Guns are pointed at the pilot, and elsewhere someone watches the exchange on a television that clearly doesn't have Comcast. The pilot refuses to be part of the PK's experiment. Velorek insists that the Leviathan will do what he wishes if he makes her. Check your hemline, Dimitriades, your accent's slipping. However, since it turns out that your Australian face is grievously hot, I'll forgive you. The pilot continues to ream Velorek out (I keep typing "Volchok", dammit!) until Velorek hisses something in Pilot-tongue. The pilot repeats, "Another pilot?" If you are a regular around these Territories, you'll recognize the pilot's voice as being the same actress who plays Noranti in future episodes, Melissa Jaffer. The pilot screams that she insists Velorek reverse the control collar anesthetic and reawaken the Leviathan at once. "You insist!?" Bipolar Crais bellows as he strides through the revolving door. I love how those doors make a sort of wibble noise as they rotate. I think I'm going to be saying, "I love how... " a lot tonight. I'm sure that's okay with most of you, though. Crais reams Velorek out for dickering with the pilot when they already have a replacement at the ready. Velorek starts to protest, but Crais screams, "FIRE!" They fire. Velorek doesn't turn around as the pilot screams and dies, and it takes a good long uncomfortable while for the pilot to die. Velorek looks disgusted and depressed as he sucks in his lovely cheeks and flares his magnificent nostrils in silent protest. The lighting on this show is genius. It's so perfectly done that everyone is made to look as though they have high cheekbones and bedroom eyes. I want to have all my future photos taken on the Farscape set. After the firing and screaming stops, only the sound of oozing can be heard from the quickly cooling pilot. Crais demands to know how long it will take to get the new Pilot jacked in. "I can't be certain until we extract the body," Velorek tells him evenly. "Then stop wasting my time and GET YOUR UNITS WORKING!" Crais gurgles angrily, throwing both arms in the air. He came really close to sounding like Scorpy there. You know, when Scorpy gets in his Scary Angry maybe-you-should-change-my-lightsticks mode. Crais stomps away but turns around again to scream, "MOVE!" Poor Crais, he's always so stressed out. I worry about his health. Velorek stands and stares. A video camera -- I believe it's one of the nosier DRDs that's doing his Rodney King duty -- focuses, takes some close-ups, and pulls back again.
Velorek's team wonders how far down "it" goes. "I hate waste removal," one PK mutters. I do too. Although, my job's waste removal usually amounts to random rinds, cheese spooge, and nasty, wet papers that people have sucked their cheese samples off of and HANDED THEM BACK TO ME EVEN THOUGH THERE IS A TRASH CAN LIKE RIGHT THERE! RIGHT THERE! "Keep your opinions to yourselves -- is that clear?!" Velorek demands angrily. It's always so obvious when a subordinate has been embarrassingly dressed down by their superior -- they go right out smack down their own underlings, which is sort of pointless, actually, since those underlings are shaking their heads all, "Whatever, dude, you're just mad because you got in trouble." In the DRD's camcorder we see a Peacekeeper pull off her helmet and say, "Yessir!" with the rest of them and oh SHIT it's Aeryn Sun! I remember being so fucking freaked out by that scene when I first saw it. I wandered around my apartment wringing my hands wailing, "Oh, what does it all MEAN?" until we came back from commercial break. The DRD-cam closes in on Aeryn's impossibly gorgeous eyes and the vid fuzzes out. It fuzzes back to show Crichton sitting in front of a screen watching the video in his room. Chiana stands to him. She tells Crichton she found it in the top tier. Crichton thinks it's a PK recording device used to spy on their own people. Chiana thinks Crichton's missing the point, namely that Aeryn's been on Moya before, and she Swiss-cheesed a pilot. It's probably too early in the game for me to say, "Shut up, Chiana." That's okay. It'll keep.
I remember when people were telling me, "Don't worry, you'll come to love the new theme song." Yeah, no. I loved this, the original theme song. I never thought it needed to be altered in any way. There are those shows that change their theme songs to their detriment, and then there are those shows THAT NEVER FUCKING CHANGE THEIR THEME SONGS. To their detriment.
The rest of the not-bonded-to-a-Leviathan crew gather around to watch the video. They all take turns looking repulsed. Aeryn's magnificent eyes fill with tears. She can barely look at the screen. As soon as Aeryn's face appears helmetless on the screen, she yanks out the data chip and slams it on the table, announcing tremulously, "Yes, it's me I admit it, are you happy now?" Zhaan, D'Argo, and Rygel each light into Aeryn for being on Moya before and helping to assassinate a defenseless Pilot. Aeryn defends herself by saying that she's been on way too many Leviathans to remember being on Moya. "Oh, so all non-Sebaceans look alike -- is that it?" Chiana snits. Okay, one: shut up, Chiana. Two, I'm totally transfixed by the steel grey contour shading on Chi's dinners. Of course, I long-ago noticed how they were doing that to other parts of her face and body, but the dinners thing is extra cool. I wonder what would happen if I went to work looking like that. I bet I'd sell a lot of fresh mozzarella balls.
With lover-like grace, Crichton jumps to Aeryn's defense and reminds them all that the Aeryn on that recording is not the Aeryn they all know and bed. Rygel snorts that he was on Moya three cycles ago (when the events on the vid took place) and maybe Aeryn was one of the ones who tortured him. "Perhaps you tortured me as well," D'Argo chimes in. Although, you can't really use the word "chimes" with D'Argo, can you? It's more like he "tubas" in. Aeryn insists, "NO!" and once again, Crichton attempts to intervene. He places a consoling hand on Aeryn's arm, but she backhands it away with a magnificent thwok. Crichton suggests they go to neutral corners and "chill out for a microt." He adds, "We all have things in our past that we'd rather not have on instant replay." I know I don't need to see my eleven-year-old-self performing "The Barbie Cameo Murders" for the rest of my natural life. Or my sixteen-year-old-self singing "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling" in my living room. In a strapless and rhinestoned black velvet dress. And sunglasses. At night. Boy, I really need to destroy that tape. "True enough, John," Zhaan says calmly. Oh, riiiight, Zhaanadu's got some ripe old skeletons in her blue closet, doesn't she? Enough to turn your hair white. Or your eyes red. Whatever photosynthesizes your cells. However, Zhaan's not finished being disapproving since she still can't condone the slaughter of such a helpless individual. "Oh, it's perfectly fine to cut off one of his arms then, is it Zhaan?" Aeryn blurts. Duuuude, seriously! Speaking of disturbing, that was an episode that really got to me early in my viewing. I think it even gave me nightmares. And while we're on the subject, shut up, Zhaan. "Peacekeeper murderer," Rygel hisses. Aeryn lunges at him, but he scoots his air Rascal out of her reach. Oh, man, this scene has the potential to be just like when Puppet Cancer Angel went after Spike. Except, I really think that since the human isn't Spike, the muppet won't win. Crichton grabs Aeryn back. "Don't," he tells her, holding her glare, "You're not helping your case." Chiana puts in, "What have you guys been thinking all this time? What, that she was out picking baskets of Rauliss buds while all the other mean Peacekeepers did all the really nasty stuff?" Exactly. She was a Peacekeeper. She killed. She probably killed puppies. That's what Peacekeepers do. With tears threatening to spill over but still with a relatively strong voice, Aeryn agrees that she was a Peacekeeper and when she was a Peacekeeper she had different priorities, values, and relationships. Oooh, "relationships." That means SEX!
We harken back to Aeryn's memories. Liiiike the muzzle of her guuuuun, bloody MURder-COLored MEM'ries! To complement that black and bad-ass PK uniform, Aeryn's sporting that unfortunate, skinned-back hair that makes me think she suddenly solved a problem like Maria. In his red and bad-ass PK uniform, Velorek saunters up to Aeryn and comments that he knows she was wishing she was back flying Prowlers. Aeryn doesn't say anything, so Velorek adds, "You're a very fine pilot. I'm glad you were reassigned to fly my transport." Aeryn nods and appears to smile. They walk off together. Velorek marvels that they were aboard for twenty-two solar days and not once did she ask what the cargo was. Aeryn gently retorts that while she does what she's ordered, she doesn't have to be interested in it. They do enough verbal flirting to get the sexual tension point across before being distracted by muffled screaming. Velorek goes over to a large shape and rips the gauzy, black shrouding veil apart. It's Pilot (our Pilot) and he's bound and gagged. "The replacement pilot," Velorek notes. Pilot's basketball eyes bug in fear.
Back in the present. Crichton confirms that Aeryn saw their pilot being brought aboard. Aeryn says that Pilot was her cargo on the transport, but had she actually known it was Moya and their Pilot, she would have said something long before now. D'Argo can't tell if she's lying or not. Zhaan notes sourly that what's done is done and they can't do anything about it now. Then, she excuses herself as she'd rather spend the few hours alone in her favorite yoga posture: Downward Bitch. Good riddance! People, normally, I'm a pretty steady Zhaanophile (well, at least when Stark's not around), but she's SUCH a hypocrite in this episode, and I rather despise her for acting like a holier-than-thou priest who has her own closet full of molested boys to hide. Plus, she cums in sunlight, which means the two of us can never go to Hawaii without me feeling awkward the entire trip. The first day would be fine, because with those spicy leis and umbrellad drinks, we'd both be breathing pretty hard, but by the time we went snorkeling in Hanauma Bay, her issues would get a bit old. And gross. Add to that the fact that I'd lose her every time we'd step one toe in the ocean and yeah, Zhaan and Hawaii just don't mix.
Chiana doofs that she didn't know you could have more than one pilot for a single Leviathan. Aeryn says that replacing a pilot is a long, difficult, dangerous procedure. Chiana decides she's going to go check on Zhaan. "So, they guy on the tape," Crichton begins. Yes! I was wondering when His Jealousiness was going to get to that! Instead he asks if that was Velorek's job, to replace the pilots. Aeryn confirms that it was Velorek's job to make sure Their Pilot bonded to Moya any way he could. Maybe Fixodent would have been a good option here?
Flashback. Pilot struggles in his bonds and gargles. Velorek reminds him of what they discussed and encourages him not to be afraid. Aeryn can't understand what Pilot's saying. Velorek explains, "He's speaking in his species' ancient language. One sentence can carry over a hundred different facts, concepts, emotions...far too complex for our translator microbes to translate." Velorek strokes Pilot's cheek and says that once he calms down, he'll be able to communicate better. Velorek pulls out what wah-sings! and appears to be a knife. Crais storms in, looking like he needs a vacation, and Velorek tasers the heck out of Pilot. Naturally, it doesn't seem to faze Aeryn. Velorek bellows orders at Pilot -- I think this is all for show but it isn't entirely clear -- and Aeryn jumps to assist him. Crais loudly wonders if he's already having problems with the new pilot and notes (with massively bugging eyes) that his confidence in Velorek isn't of the highest at this point. Crais? You're short. You have a long black interval ponytail that is suspiciously like the one I had in high school on the days I was too lazy to French braid myself and you're...well, isn't that enough? Hon, I just don't find you that scary.
Present day. Aeryn doesn't want to talk about it, and when Crichton presses her, she reminds him, "No means no, John," as she walks out of the room. I'll bet John taught her that little expression. Outside the chamber, Aeryn stumbles, heaving, and braces herself on one of Moya's corridor ribs. Terrified, she looks down the hallway and remembers.
Flashback. Velorek tells Crais that insertion will be complete in eighty-three arns. Crais pulls a Kirk and gives him sixty. Velorek argues. Crais orders. As this goes on, Aeryn notes a shackled and hooded Zhaan being led past her. Crais threatens Velorek and starts to leave. Aeryn steps in Crais' path and tries to make her case for being reassigned to Prowler duty, but Crais stomps off, leaving her in mid-sentence. Velorek sexily notes they are stuck together awhile longer and walks off. Aeryn tries not to smile and soak her panties. Two Peacekeepers arrive to taunt and intimidate Aeryn as the great Prowler pilot whose been assigned to scut duty with the rest of them. "All those nerve fibers, I can't believe how far that beastie had got down into the ship," one of them says, referring to the dead pilot. "Well, you're one of us now," the other says and smears the side of Aeryn's face with pilot guts. Aeryn stalks off.
Present day. Aeryn beats the hell out of her special punching bag, reliving the videoed moments of the other pilot's death. She smacks so hard, she knocks the bag off its pedestal, leaving it with long bloody smears. Aeryn collapses, her knuckles raw and pulped. She's sobbing in the Child's Pose (man, this episode's all about the yoga tonight, isn't it?) when Crichton finds her and softly notes, "You're making hamburger there." Okay, this isn't good because now I'm hungry. Crichton gently pulls her up, shushing her like an infant, and tries to get her to tell him what happened. Aeryn continues to draw shuddering, sobbing breaths without speaking.
Some time later, the two of them are sitting on the red-triangle-bisecting-a-white-circle-looking-like- the-IDIC-necklace sparring mat. Aeryn notes that she has kept Crichton at a distance. Crichton's noticed. Vast distances. "There's a reason for that," Aeryn tells him. "Just one?" Crichton breathes, "Go ahead." Aeryn explains that Peacekeepers are bred and raised simply for military service. Procreation is "assigned." "There's no such thing as a life-long mate," she adds. "But you have relationships," Crichton prompts, "The male-female kind." Of course -- as often and as many as they want, because the PK High Command understands biological urges and needs. Point is, you never let yourself care for anyone, and Aeryn's PK relationships were..."Empty," Crichton supplies. "Painful," Aeryn corrects. Crichton wonders what this has to do with the Rodney King tape, and when Aeryn doesn't look at him, he realizes she had a fling with Velorek.
Flashback. Aeryn checks corridors before entering a chamber. Velorek looks around at her entry. She takes off her jacket. He grabs at her. It seems rape-ish, but since they're Peacekeepers, it's foreplay. And then they make out.
Present day. "We were lovers," Aeryn admits. Crichton looks at her in forced amused disbelief at her choice of words. "Lovers," he repeats. "Lovers, um, interesting. I don't think I've ever heard you use that word before," he meanders. Aeryn stares at him as he looks away, her dark eyes pleading with him to understand. Pleading with him to still be her champion and protector in the face of the rest of the crew. Crichton hesitatingly asks if she loved him. Aeryn admits, with a stuffed-up nose, that she felt something for him she never felt for any of the other guys she "recreated" with. "Recreated," that's a great word. Gives whole new meaning to the fact that I worked at the Kenwood Rec Center as a teen. Aeryn says she didn't know what it was then but looking back, she guesses it was love. "Right," Crichton says, almost disappointed enough to twiddle with his shoelaces in order to avoid her gaze, "Well, from the way you tell the story, he sounded kinda sadistic." "No," Aeryn corrects him, making Crichton look sharp at her, "He was the opposite. That was the problem." "Officer Sun," Pilot's voice cuts in angrily, "We must talk." They look over at Pilot's projection and see him clasping something in his claws. I think it's a projection device. Hard to tell in all that static. Moya needs rabbit ears. Crichton wonders how he got hold of the Rodney King tape. Aeryn shrugs off the importance of that. All that matters now is talking to Pilot. Crichton states that he'll go with her, but Aeryn turns him down. "It needs to be just him and me," she states.
When I first started watching Farscape, the Evil Dr. Mathra and I had just seen LOTR at a Boston second-run theatre, and there was a particularly Viggolicious scene which now makes Mathra say, "This was the great watchtower of Aeryn Sun" whenever he realizes I'm watching Farscape. Hey look! Now I've alienated both the 'Scapers and the Tolkienis.
In Pilot's room, Aeryn approaches Pilot carefully. "Pilot," she starts, "This is difficult for both of us." "Both of us?!" Pilot explodes with deadly quietude, "It isn't me on that recording committing barbaric slaughter!" Aeryn pleads with him, reminding them they share DNA. "That's why this cuts so deep!" Pilot hisses. Aeryn goes on, "Your DNA is the same DNA as the pilot on this recording. Do you have any idea how I felt when I saw it. When I was reminded of what I had done?!" Pilot just growls very long and loudly and grabs Aeryn's throat in one of his tentaclaws. He lifts her off he ground and continues to make robust, angry noises as he flashes back to his past.
Pilot, still bound and gagged, is lowered into the pilot station on Moya. Below the station, Velorek waits to receive Pilot's tentacles. I've never fully understood what a pilot looks like all over. Or how it propels itself. Does it walk? Fly? Slime? Sqriggle? It's fairly enormous and ends up being sedentary for most of its life, so I also wonder what the rate of heart disease is. Velorek gently tells Pilot he's going to remove his gag and reminds him to be calm and easy. Ungagged, Pilot lets loose with a string of argle-bargle. Velorek encourages him to chill out and speak in simple sentences. "Am...I...there?" Pilot asks. Velorek checks his bio-signs and confirms that he is. "A ship..." Pilot says in wonderment. "Her name is Moya," Velorek tells him. "Moya," Pilot repeats and then returns screamingly to the present where he is still confusing Aeryn with a Raggedy Ann doll.
Aeryn screams for Crichton. Crichton runs down the corridors shouting for Aeryn, rather fruitlessly as he's not even in Pilot's chamber, but maybe he just wants to assure her that he's on his way by bellowing her name. "What happened?" D'Argo demands as he joins the marathon. Crichton explains that Pilot somehow got his hands (tentacles, really) on the recording and Aeryn went to talk to him. "I had that recording in my quarters! Hidden!" D'Argo announces, clearly more aggrieved that someone rooted through his quarters than by the fact that Pilot is about to give Aeryn shaken lady syndrome.
Pilot flashback. Pilot learns that Moya doesn't know he's there because she's under heavy sedation until the bonding takes place. "But the bonding takes over a cycle, sometimes two," Pilot protests. "That's natural bonding, we don't have time for that," Velorek tells him, with a comforting hand on what might be considered his shoulder.
Present day. Pilot continues to bellow and abuse Aeryn as Crichton and D'Argo bound into his chamber. Pilot smacks Crichton away with one of his tentaclaws, knocking him into D'Argo. Aeryn coughs and chokes weakly. With another tentacle stroke, Pilot hits a panel, raising one of those small plunger-things. In space, Moya vents something. "He's venting the chamber!" D'Argo realizes as he and Crichton are blown backwards and without oxygen.
Flashback. Pilot realizes that Moya doesn't know that her old pilot is dead and that his presence will be a complete surprise to her. "By that time, the bonding process will be complete," Velorek says, descending into the space below pilot, "There's no more time to allow you adjustments to your new surroundings. Best for all of us the sooner we get this over with." He reaches into Pilots undersides and draws out a squelchy mass of shiny white, ribbed tubes. Pilot's guts. They really make the guts look mobile and reactionary. They sort of spring back as Velorek pulls at them.
Present day. Pilot screams and throws Aeryn aside. He stops the venting (the oxygen, not the spleen) and yells that Aeryn killed Moya's original pilot and that Moya will go nowhere until Aeryn leaves the ship. Moya appears to shut down and go dead in space.
D'Argo kicks at something (not Rygel) while Chiana twists and threatens something (Rygel). As Chiana calls Rygel out for tattling to Pilot about Aeryn, D'Argo tries to get Moya working. Crichton comes to check on D'Argo's progress and learns that they haven't moved a single metra. "We've never seen Pilot like this before -- chop off an arm, the best he can muster is a few snotty remarks, but this, he shuts down the ship and tries to kill Aeryn," Crichton muses. As Crichton thinks out loud about how bad things were back then, D'Argo manages to remind him that his collarbones were chained to the wall of his cell.
Zhaan prepares and administers healing tinctures to Aeryn's bruised neck. When Aeryn flinches, Zhaan asks bitingly, "Did I hurt you, my dear?" Aeryn knocks her hands away and says Zhaan's done enough, "Thank you for your compassion." Aeryn turns to leave, and Zhaan, not at all catching the irony in Aeryn's voice, comments that it is interesting to hear Aeryn speak of compassion. Aeryn demands to know if Zhaan thinks she lacks compassion and if she agrees with Pilot that Aeryn defiles Moya with her very presence. Before Zhaan can answer, Aeryn says that they're right and she will be off the ship in less than an arn. At this (late) point, Zhaan decides to give Aeryn sympathy, announcing that Aeryn had no choice back then. Okaaay, late bloomer. And I do mean that literally, Morning Glory.
Flashback. Aeryn finishes having the sex with Velorek and when he turns over for a spot of cuddle, she slips breathlessly out of bed, pieces of her dark, tangled hair sweated to her neck. Velorek encourages Aeryn to stay for an encore before she goes on duty. They almost have a heart-to-heart about feelings and Peacekeeper assignments and how never the twain shall meet, but then Velorek tells Aeryn she's special and demands to know if all she wants out of life is to fly Prowlers and serve Bipolar Crais. Dude, I really don't think you want to be asking that question. Velorek goes on that Crais is insane and his Pet Pilot Project is an abomination. Aeryn refuses to listen to such talk. Ignoring this, Velorek natters on that Crais' project will kill the Leviathan and he will not let that happen. Aeryn demands to know what that means. Instead of answering, Velorek tells her he knows how he feels about her and he thinks she feels the same and when he leaves, he wants her to come with him, "You could be so much more."
Present day. Crichton learns from Zhaan that Aeryn is leaving Moya, so he goes to confront Pilot. "Let's hash this out right here, right now. Five cents, the doctor is in," Crichton announces. And for his pop culture trick, he'll be ripping a football away from D'Argo. And then D'Argo will rip his arms off for being a dick.
Flashback. As Velorek continues to graft Pilot's innards to Moya's innards, Pilot stutters that he's in a lot of pain. Velorek informs him he'll have to get used to the pain because it will never completely go away. Velorek proceeds with rousing Moya, reminding Pilot that all of Moya's senses and consciousness will awaken at the same time. Also, everything she feels, Pilot will feel. Pilot promises not to cry out. "You will," Velorek predicts grimly. Moya wakes up, Pilot screams and sees all sorts of starbursts and shooty-bang-bangs. Pilot thinks there is something terribly wrong, but Velorek explains that Moya realizes Pilot is not her original pilot. He sends pain signals to Moya's control collar to force her to accept Pilot as her pilot.
Present day. Crichton's pretty jaw drops. Pilot confirms bitterly that Moya only accepted him because she was tortured into it. In frustration, Pilot grapples at his innards, ripping them from Moya. Sparks spark. Pilot displays some tubing dripping purple and black Kool-Aid, "Moya is free of me! I am no longer bonded to her."
Minor chaos as the rest of the crew tries to cope with Pilot's actions. Crichton howls, "No, no, no, no, no, this is not good, NOT GOOD!" Pilot sighs that the pain is finally gone.
Later, holding a flashlight over Moya's innards, Aeryn confirms that Pilot has been in pain all this time because Velorek couldn't take the time for the bonding to occur naturally. D'Argo berates her for not telling them this earlier, and Aeryn yells back that she didn't know it was this pilot. "Kids, save it for after school. Right now, how do we fix this thing so we stop bobbing about like three men in a tub?" Crichton demands. They don't, is the answer. Not without Pilot's help. Crichton doesn't think Pilot's in a "Leviathan for Dummies kind of mood right now." I wonder if there's a Crichton for Dummies...
Flashback. Aeryn enters Pilot's chamber and watches Velorek working on Pilot. Pilot happily natters that the DRDs are responding to his impulses now. As Aeryn observes him with an affectionate smile, Velorek has a whispered confab with a few other PKs. Pilot catches a few words and loudly asks what secret project they are talking about. Aeryn freezes, smile gone, and looks wary. Velorek tells Pilot not to worry and that the project will no longer be a threat to him or Moya ever again. Aeryn leaves.
Present day. Moya lurches. Aeryn wants to talk to Pilot, but Crichton stops her with, "Pilot's Etch-a-Sketch isn't operating with all of its knobs right now -- I'm afraid seeing you won't help." Hee. Crichton does get the best lines. D'Argo adds that Pilot has locked himself into his chamber and posted DRDs as sentries. "He must've used voice command," D'Argo adds for the nitpickers in the audience. Which are me. Aeryn insists it's all her fault, but Crichton won't buy that. Unless she's not telling him everything. Aeryn looks at D'Argo, who meets her gaze. She walks out, insisting she has to talk to Pilot. D'Argo volunteers to go after her, thinking he can talk sense into both of them. Crichton starts to argue that it should be him but interrupts himself to hold out a raised fist. They aren't...they are! They're Rock-Paper-Scissoring it! Crichton throws scissors and walks out with a "See ya!" "I can't believe it," D'Argo mutters, looking at his hand. It's so dark that it's hard to see what he threw. I assume, since scissors beat it, he must've thrown paper but I would not put it past Crichton to have taught D'Argo stuff like, "Scissors always wins, and only humans from Earth who come through wormholes are allowed to throw scissors."
Elsewhere, the DRDs patrol the corridors. Satisfied there's no one around, the DRDs hum merrily along. Aeryn and Crichton pop out with flashlights and guns. Moya lurches. Aeryn tells Crichton that she's the only one who can understand what went down in the past with everything. She needs to talk to Pilot. Crichton sort of whines about how she can't talk to him about it. Are you capable of being hooked up to and running a Leviathan, John? No? Then shut up because it's not about you this time. The rest of season two and part of season three? All about you and your seemingly never-ending and totally over-the-top insanity, so just sit tight. Like a forefinger flipping a pernicious hangnail up and down, Crichton keeps prodding Aeryn to learn what happened between her and Velorek.
Flashback. Aeryn massages a bi-naked Velorek who tells her that he's finished his assignment and will be reassigned soon. She wants to go with him. Velorek is surprised, so Aeryn straddles him to convince his lap further. Velorek asks about her desire to fly Prowlers. Aeryn tosses this (but not him) off. Velorek tells her he's going to make "this" as exciting as flying Prowlers could ever be, which makes me wonder about the "cock" in "cockpit." More soft talk until Aeryn freaks a bit and insists, "Change your mind." Velorek is confused. "Whatever you've done with Crais' plan, put it back," she pleads. Velorek demands to know what she's on about, but before she can answer (or get dressed) curfew-bright Gestapo lights blast in on them. It's Crais with a few helmet-headed guards. Aeryn slips off Velorek, who must be experiencing quite the Sebacean equivalent to blue balls right about now, and darts away. Velorek doesn't get what's going on. Crais tells him he's under arrest for "treason, of course." Crais also believes that since there's no evidence of Velorek's sabotage as yet, they caught him just in time. Turning to Aeryn, who stands there with overflowing eyes, Crais barks, "I assume you're the informant." She is. Crais tells her to contact Teeg (neck still unsnapped at this point, of course) and says she'll be rewarded with the assignment she requested. "Prowler detail, sir," Aeryn says softly. "Whatever," Crais shrugs. Velorek is dragged away but he manages to remind Aeryn, with quite a bit of tenderness, that he told her she was special. No ordinary Peacekeeper would have been able to do what she just did. He damns and exalts at the same time. All the more so because he continues to look at her with love. Hey, didn't Crichton once say something to Aeryn about how she could be more than she was? Crais gives Aeryn a look that is halfway between whiffing some rotting meat and blasé mental calculation. Like he's memorizing her features in case he needs to watch for her knife. Aeryn just stands there, hoping against hope that her Prowler options package includes, well, a package.
Present day. "I got my duty," Aeryn finishes. "And what happened to Velorek?" Crichton asks softly. Aeryn turns to look at him. Crichton moves his face out of shadow into a half-light as understanding dawns. Boy, I never go for beefy blonds, but there's something about Browder in this role that just inspires...something. Where was I? Right. Recapping. Tubey's Kids. I'm there. Here we go. Okay. Time to get past this. Any time now. Hi.
Aeryn says, with more than an edging of pride in her voice, that they never got Velorek to talk. They never learned what he did to sabotage Crais' experiment. "But I think I know now. It was Crais' project to impregnate a Leviathan, Moya," Aeryn says. "To breed a Peacekeeper-Leviathan warship," Crichton supplies. Aeryn nods. From wherever they are, they can see Pilot's big ass head moving around in the shadows below. Crichton realizes that Velorek created a shield to prevent conception. A Leviaphragm, as it were. "The shield that D'Argo accidentally shattered," Aeryn finishes.
D'Argo, Zhaan, and Chiana fiddle around with controls and things. Moya lurches. Zhaan says even if they can communicate with Moya, she can't actually do anything on her own. "Just my luck -- out of all the Leviathans in the universe, I end up with one with a second-string pilot," Chiana babbles. Shut up, Chiana. Zhaan points out that they have no way of knowing if Moya's first pilot was any better. Since the first pilot was crazy-insane Noranti and the second is crazy-murderous-insane Crais, I think they might have been better off with number one?
Pilot contemplates his detached navel. Aeryn and Crichton jump down from the ceiling, landing squarely in front of him. Pilot mutters something in his pilot-y tongue, and the DRDs start shooting. Crichton and Aeryn fire back, and I think they actually take out some of the DRDs, which makes me really sad, because the DRDs remind me of cats. Laser-firing metal cats. With wheels. Crichton and Aeryn approach Pilot, rudely shining a flashlight right in his face, which of course is the BEST way to get an wrathful, unstable, RIPPING HIS OWN GUTS OUT pilot to calm down. Aeryn won't leave, they need to talk. "Or what? You'll blast me into pieces like you did the pilot who used to sit here? Stay away from me!" Pilot bellows. Aeryn leaps up, her gun aimed at Pilot's face, yelling, "Tell me now, Pilot, or I swear I'll --" Crichton says her name, just once, and she stops. Crichton tries to make Pilot see reason. If he stays disconnected from Moya, he'll starve. Pilot bitingly points out that what they're really worried about is that if Moya isn't regulated, their life support systems won't function properly. Crichton reasons that Moya is probably scared by Pilot's disappearing consciousness. Pilot doesn't care, he thinks Moya will be better off without him. Aeryn slowly and deliberately drops her gun to the floor. It bounces heavily. Aeryn says that the recording brought back memories that neither of them wanted to recall. She knows she deserved to die for what she did and if Pilot wants to kill her, she won't stop him. All Aeryn wants is for Pilot to spare the others and himself. Pilot slowly says that he's the one who deserves to die, not her. "Okay, so you're not Moya's original pilot -- you replaced her, you can't blame yourself for that," Crichton says. Pilot says he didn't just replace the old pilot.
Flashback to a mist-covered land. Pilot's voice-over goes on that the Elders on his planet had already determined that he wasn't yet worthy to pilot a Leviathan. "If you believed that, you wouldn't be here right now," Velorek tells a crouching-Pilot-hidden-legs. "So why are you?" he asks. Pilot wants to be joined "so badly." Velorek can make that happen. Pilot argues about the Elders and destiny. Velorek orders him to make his own destiny and asks him what he sees when he looks up. "Staaaaahrs," Pilot breathes. "That's what I offer you, stars," Velorek says. Why does this remind me uncomfortably of some sleazy "agent" trying to get some sweet-young-just-off-the-farm thing to sign with his suspiciously stained casting couch? Pilot dreams of nothing else. "I offer you a Leviathan," Velorek says, "All you have to do is agree to help me." Pilot protests that for him to be joined, the other pilot has to die. Velorek offers words of comfort in the form of, "That pilot will die no matter what you do. If you don't come with me, I'll find someone else who will. Someone who isn't afraid to take their place amongst the stars." Hey, what's your dream? Everybody got a dream.
Present day. Pilot ends his tale by saying the fate of Moya's original pilot was sealed at that moment, "So you see, Aeryn, it wasn't really you who caused her death. It was me. If I hadn't agreed to come, Velorek may never have found a replacement pilot, but I just wanted so desperately to see the stars." Aeryn smiles gently and painfully through those tears that STILL HAVEN'T FALLEN THIS ENTIRE EPISODE. I'll tell you, that takes control. Ever been in that situation? You're all waterworked up at some dumb movie like The Break Up and you're trying to hide it from your twenty-four-year-old sister who is already snuffling up her sleeve so why bother and you do that balancing act where you know if you don't blink or move, the tears teetering right on the edge of your lower lids will either sort of evaporate a bit or go back down into the ducts and therefore not mess up your eyeliner or compel you root around your purse in a dark theatre for a mini pack of Kleenex. And that's why Claudia Black is an actress and I am not. For his pretty part, Crichton's eyes are also suspiciously pink and glassy and he's swallowing hard.
Aeryn stretches out a hand. She asks if Pilot remembers the day he came aboard Moya, when Velorek stroked his cheek to calm him. "Back then, I couldn't fathom why he'd do a think like that, and now I couldn't fathom not doing it. We've come a long way since then, Pilot, and we've still got a long way to go. Take the journey with me," Aeryn pleads. Pilot reaches a tentaclaw up -- one that once almost strangled her -- to gently stroke Aeryn's face. Aeryn holds tight to that tentacle. "I -- I know a procedure, some temporary connections that can be made to give me back rudimentary control of Moya's systems," Pilot ventures. Aeryn smiles through her tears that have finally relieved themselves by spilling over. "Okay, let's get started," Crichton says softly.
D'Argo works and Pilot confirms that the temporary connections are working just fine. "You realize if you finish what you doing now, allowing me to bond with Moya naturally, it could take an entire cycle before the process is complete. During the bonding period, I won't have as much control of Moya's systems as I had before. It will make it even more tenuous for all of us," he adds. D'Argo takes on a stately voice and says that it doesn't matter, they all feel Pilot deserves to be bonded to Moya naturally. Pilot says decidedly that he will work hard to deserve it. D'Argo calls up -- Pilot's ass? -- that he is finished. He asks how it feels. Pilot looks up and says wonderingly, "There is no pain, no longer any pain."
In the Center Chamber, Crichton ventures, "Velorek said that he'd always remember you. And you...have you --?" Aeryn grunts, delicately and noncommittally. She remembers that Velorek also said in the right new place, she would thrive. "He was right," Crichton says gently. Aeryn smiles sadly at him. Crichton, head cocked, returns the smile. "You know, that time he asked me to go with him, he said, 'You can be so much more,'" Aeryn beings, "That's exactly what you said to me the first day I was here." Crichton nods, "And you...say you think you love this man?" Oh, who are we talking about? Is "this man" Crichton or is "this man" Velorek or are they one and the same? I think I'll leave it at that -- Jacob's better with the deep recaps. I'm just here for the pretty. Aeryn takes a deep breath, holds it in, and gazes at Crichton, but she looks away without answering. Crichton looks down at his hands. Aeryn swings back her magnificient eyes to stare at him. Crichton looks up, biting his upper lip in hope. Aaaaand credits!
Okay, people, it's going to be a long, hot, Farscapey summer -- are you ready with your towels and SPF protection against the Sebacean "living death"? I know I am.