How about an episode directed by none other than Patch Abbott? Let's get to it. Aaaaand we start out on a terrifying note, with a shot of a balloon, which -- GAH! -- pops and reveals Britney's face in close-up. Yikes. Britney runs off laughing with Delia and some other kids, and we realize that there's a party going on at the Browns'. A sign over the fireplace reads "Congratulations Ephram!" Rose, ever the gracious hostess even at someone else's house, flits around refilling dip bowls and hors d'oeuvres trays. The camera finds Amy and Hannah in an otherwise unoccupied room, hugging their little hearts out. Amy tells Hannah she doesn't know what to say, and asks if she needs more time to talk. Hannah tearfully says not to worry about it -- they can talk later. Delia runs in to inform the girls that Bright just called, and he and Ephram are two minutes away. Ah, a surprise party. I've always wanted one of those. HINT, HINT. Amy tells Hannah that she can stay with her instead of going out to wait for Ephram, but Hannah tells her not to be ridiculous. Delia tells everyone to hide, and dims the lights. Treat walks in the back door; Patch asks him where the hell he's been, and says they need to talk. Bright and Ephram walk in, and boy are they surprised! Well, Ephram is. Bright's all, "He had no IDEA!" Ephram asks Bright, "Whoa, so all this about you getting fired?" Bright: "No, that really happened." Heh. Ephram finds Amy and accuses sweetly, "You did this." Amy says she had some help. Ephram tells her she's amazing, and that he loves her so much. Amy hugs him and says she knows. A single tear rolls down her cheek. I am not kidding. Why are you crying, Amy Abbott? I bet we'll find out after the credits, which are now.
When we come back, it's one week earlier. Ephram runs his girly little run up the Abbott walkway. Amy meets him outside and asks what's going on. Ephram forces her to guess. Amy: "You're sweating." Ephram says he is, in fact, glowing, which is an entirely different form of sweat. Amy says she hates the guessing game, and to just tell her. Ephram does: he got the Juilliard audition. Yay! Amy freaks out, and says to tell her everything. Ephram says that, basically, a ton of kids tried out, but only sixty got the audition, and he has to be in New York that time week. Wait, the exact same time week? Just like this show? How about that! Patch, clad in head-to-toe pink argyle, joins them on the front steps, where Amy shares the good news. Patch congratulates Ephram and says they really should be going, or they'll be late getting Hannah to "the clinic." Ephram tells Amy to wish Hannah luck, and she says she will. Wonderful job so far, Patch Abbott, especially on the argyle work.
Rose knocks on Bright's door, and tells her son that she hates to interrupt his "reading" -- he's perusing a naughty girly magazine -- but she needs to know why she just received a call about him from Human Resources. Bright asks his mom if they're raving about him "again," and Rose says that, in fact, some woman named Jillian is accusing him of sexual misconduct. Oh, no. And, WHAT? Rose says she doesn't know the specifics, and asks Bright if he has any idea who she is. Bright says they went out a few times, but it didn't amount to much. Obviously not. Rose reminds him that he isn't supposed to date co-workers. Bright says he didn't think it was that big of a deal. Rose says it is, and now they both have to attend a formal meeting to figure it all out. Bright says he didn't do anything, so it's no big deal anyway.
Denver. A pretty lady doctor takes Hannah into her office and explains to her that testing for Huntington's is an incredibly complex issue. Hannah just wants to take the damn test already. Lady Doctor tells Hannah that the results of the test -- whatever they may be -- can have a profound emotional impact. Hannah asks if she means survivors' guilt. Lady Doctor: "I see you've done some reading." Hannah: "I'm a big fan of Google." Aw. Lady Doctor says she can see that Hannah is serious about this, so they're going to start out with a series of preliminary exams, bloodwork, and a meeting with a social worker to make sure she's ready to handle the results. If, after all of this, they determine that Hannah is a good candidate, she can have the actual test. Good Lord. Hannah, who is clearly a very stubborn girl, is like, "So…not right now?" Lady Doctor says they can get started with a few questions for right now. Shut up, Lady Doctor.
Amy fidgets anxiously in the waiting room. She tells Patch that she was thinking about throwing Ephram a surprise party for getting the Juilliard audition. Patch says that sounds like a lovely idea. Amy rattles off a list of guests she wants to invite. Patch nods agreeably until Amy gets to, "And I was thinking about inviting Madison," at which point he tells Amy what an awful idea that would be, since she nearly, like, broke them up earlier in the year. Amy says that's exactly why she wanted to invite her -- Ephram obviously wanted to see her, and she can handle them having a relationship. "This whole 'Jealous Amy' thing is very 2004. Amy 2005, on the other hand? All about being a bigger person." Awesome. Amy goes on to say that she isn't really sure how to find Madison. Patch: "Perhaps it just isn't meant to be." Hee. Amy says she could probably track her down through her old bandmates or something. Patch says, now that he thinks about it, "Mr. Knight" down at the ECC Registrar's office is a patient, and he'd be happy to check with him. Amy's all, "You'd do that? Thanks, DAD!" Patch thinks to himself, "Of course I will…not, you dumb girl."
Blah blah blah Amanda on the phone with someone trying to help her divorce John. Treat walks in with groceries, and begins unloading them. Puke. Amanda gets off the phone and tells Treat all about her sad problems divorcing her vegetable of a husband, then asks, "Why are you putting peanut butter in the fridge?" Treat says that since she refrigerates English muffins, he thought that she'd refrigerate other things that didn't really need refrigeration. Amanda tells him what every human being ought to know, which is that peanut butter gets all hard and yucky when it's refrigerated, and also that he is pretty freaking retarded for being a neurosurgeon. All right, I added that last part. They start to kiss when the phone rings. Amanda says she'll let the machine get it, and when it picks up, a voice comes on the line claiming to be John's doctor. The voice says there's been a change in John's condition, and they want her at the clinic immediately. Treat and Amanda extricate themselves from one another, look appropriately freaked out, and we go to commercials.
We come back to Amy complaining to Hannah about the lack of guests at Ephram's party. Jake, Nina, and Sam are going to be on a road trip, so they're out; Edna's motorcycle club is having their annual roast that night (HA!); and even Will Cleveland can't attend, as his dog is in a Best in Show competition. Hannah says it sounds like the plot of a bad indie film, and maybe they can get Zach Braff to direct it. Indeed. If I were a nastier girl, I would follow that up with something ridiculous, like, "Maybe we can get Zach Braff to direct it…in my PANTS." But I would never, even though…never mind, I totally would. Amy says she can't find Madison yet, either, so the only people attending Ephram's party are his family, her family, and Hannah. Amy tells Hannah that she obviously doesn't have to come if she's not feeling up to it, and asks if she'll have the test results by then. Hannah says she doesn't even know if they're going to let her take the stupid test by then, and this thing is turning out to be way more intricate than she thought. The girls end up in the kitchen, where Patch is fixing himself something to eat. He asks Hannah how it went with her social worker that day. Hannah says it was kind of intense, and she asked a lot of tough questions. Patch asks like what. Hannah specifies, "Oh, how I cope with difficult situations, what do I do in times of stress, do I have a support system, that kind of thing." Amy interrupts, "Yes, me, and I would consider you an excellent coper. I can write you a note if you want, like a doctor's daughter note." Patch says those questions, which seem quite simple, are actually very involved, and asks Hannah if she felt she was able to answer them honestly. Amy, again, interrupts, "Well, it's not like she's going to LIE, Dad," which statement elicits an extended -- and beautiful -- Patch eye-roll. Hannah says it was more like she didn't even know the answers herself, which kind of threw her. "The truth is, I don't know if I am an excellent coper. I know I'm a good avoider." You and me both, baby. Hannah says that, until recently, she hadn't even told anyone about her dad. Amy says that's only because Hannah didn't want people to feel sorry for her. Hannah counters that maybe that was just an excuse so she wouldn't have to deal. Patch agrees that that is certainly possible. Amy gives her dad a look, which Patch returns with one of his own. Amy, clearly exasperated with her stupid daddy, says they're going upstairs now. Hannah says to Patch, "You don't think I should take the test." Amy says Patch has no idea what he's talking about, and he can't possibly know what she's going through. Patch tells Hannah that it's no one's decision but her own. Hannah looks as though she wishes it were anyone's decision but her own, and sighs sadly.
Dun dun dun! The Clinic. John's doctor tells Amanda and Treat he's glad they could get there so quickly. Amanda asks if John's okay. The doctor says John is fine; better than fine, actually, and tells Amanda she is going to be astounded at the amount of progress that John has made over the past two weeks. He adds that they really all have Treat to thank, and tells Treat he hopes it's okay that a small Q & A has been set up, because at least fifty doctors want to pick his brain. Amanda is like, "Dude. Shut up and tell me what's going on." The doctor won't say anything, and asks if they wouldn't mind waiting. Amanda says she would, actually, and she didn't fly all the way to Oregon for him to be coy. Treat: "You said that there's been significant progress. How has it manifested itself?" The doctor says he really can't say. Lord, now we are all annoyed. Spit it out, man! Amanda asks why the hell not. The doctor responds, "Because he wanted to tell you himself." Oh. Huh.
Back at the Abbott House, Patch finds Amy in her room and lies that he couldn't find out anything about where Madison might be. Amy answers with, "What is your problem?" Patch is like, "Excuse me?" Amy tells him that everything he said to Hannah today was completely wrong, and asks him if he has any idea how long it's taken Hannah to reach a decision about taking this test. Patch says he's simply encouraging Hannah to take her time, because once she makes this decision, there's no turning back. And, he adds, it's not something anyone should push her into. Amy says she is SO not pushing Hannah into this. Oh, Amy, we love it when you are the least self-aware person in the history of the world. It looks super-good on you. Amy goes on to say that Hannah made this decision all by herself, and she would never to anything to hurt her. Patch says he knows that, but wonders if it might be better for Hannah to let her family get past her father's death before she does this. Amy answers for Hannah that she doesn't want to wait, because her life is happening now. Patch says sometimes it's better not to know, and asks her if she would have wanted to know what was going to happen to Colin. Amy tells her dad not to use Colin as a way to…whatever. Patch says he's not trying to do that. Amy hurts us all by telling Patch to leave Hannah alone; she doesn't want him as a father figure. Of course she does, silly Amy -- everyone wants Patch Abbott as a father figure. I mean, besides the ones who want him to be their daddy, which is something completely different.
Sexual Misconduct Meeting. A moderator explains that no one is saying anyone's guilty yet; they're simply trying to figure out what happened here. Bright, who has decided to play this as nothing more than a giant asshole, sits to Rose and tells everyone that nothing happened here, and adds, "It's…this is trash." Damn. The moderator repeats that they're just exploring the charges, and turns to Jillian, asking her if she's claiming that Bright created an uncomfortable work environment for her, which included sending emails during work hours that were "sexual in nature." Bright does the equivalent of the "bullshit!" sneeze, which prompts Rose to shush him. Jillian confirms that, yes, Bright was doing these things. She hands the lady a stack of emails, supposedly all "sexual in nature." I can't believe this girl didn't know that anything having to do with Bright Abbott would be "sexual in nature," but whatever. She's old enough to be perhaps suffering from dementia. Bright's supervisor, the one Hannah tricked last week with Mr. Jingles, looks at the stack of emails and is like, "You wrote all these during work hours?" Bright says mostly during his lunch break. Supervisor: "At 3:07 PM?" Bright: "And cake time." Hee. Cake time should be a required part of everyone's work day.
Bright says he's sorry, but he just thought this was normal office flirting. Jillian says, "Oh, please. This is what you did at your last job, which is why you got fired." Rose, who hasn't heard this beautiful story, is all, "Wha?" The moderator tells Rose that, when they checked with Bright's employer to determine patterns of behavior, they learned he was terminated because he was "caught half-naked with a co-worker in a broom closet." Here, Bright nods and smiles to himself in fond remembrance. Rose is mortified, horrified, stupefied. She growls at her son, "You never told me that." Bright tells Rose that there were a lot of other reasons he was let go, and besides, that was different -- he wasn't dating her, and the rules at a restaurant are completely different. Jillian pipes up, "But you didn't bother to follow the rules here, either." Shut up, Jillian. I can understand that you are upset, and why, but bringing charges against someone for what appears to just be an unceremonious dumping is, as my daughter would say, nutso in the klutzo. Bright looks unapologetic, which breaks my heart, and Rose sees this. The moderator says she thinks the thing to do now is to transfer Bright to another department, and she hopes this won't happen again. Rose stands up and walks out, but before she does, she turns to give Bright one of those disappointed looks that only a mother can give. Bright shrinks in his seat, AS HE SHOULD.
Back at the clinic, Amanda and Treat are finally led into John's room. Amanda says she doesn't understand; John looks exactly the same. John's doctor says to just give him a moment to find them, and tells John that there are people here to see him. John fixes his gaze on Amanda and smiles. Amanda can't believe it. She says tearfully, "He's smiling! Oh my God." Treat introduces himself to John, and the other doctor says he knows. To prove it, and (one can only hope) to make both of these idiots feel like shit, John's first unsteady words are, "Thank you, Dr. Brown." They stare in disbelief as we go to commercials.
When we return, Amanda is on the phone with John's parents, who are all excited. Amanda gets off the phone, and turns to find Treat standing creepily behind her. He asks her how she's doing. Fine, she says, just weird. She can't believe that's John in that room, and asks Treat if he thought this could happen. Treat says he didn't know, but that's the beauty of the human brain -- sometimes progress is slow and methodical, and sometimes it's like a light switch turning on. Amanda: "Click. Everything changes." On more than one level there, huh, Amanda? Treat says that, since Charlie will be there the day, maybe he should get his own room. MAYBE? Amanda says that's a good idea. There's an awkward silence, and Treat asks again if Amanda's okay. Amanda says she's just…overwhelmed. And sad, probably, that the gig is up. Life is so hard, ain't it?
Some of that loud rap music that all the kids are listening to these days brings us into the scene, which is in Bright's room. Rose appears in the doorway and stares holes into her son's back until he sees her and turns the music down. Bright tells his mom how sorry he is that she had to hear all that today. Rose doesn't give a shit: "How many girls have there been like that?" Bright's like, "Wait, what?" Rose says again, "How MANY." Rose is not playing around, people. Bright: "You want…my number?" Rose says she wants to know how many women he's treated that way. Bright tells Rose she has the wrong idea, and Jillian is just pissed off because he didn't, like, propose to her, so she pulls this crap. "I think it was kind of a bitch move, if you ask me," says Bright, immediately before his mother slaps him across his smug little face. Rose asks his son who he is, because she certainly doesn't know. "Did you see that girl's face in there? You hurt her, and you don't even feel bad about it." Bright tries to say he does, but Rose interrupts him: "No, you don't. You feel badly for yourself. You don't even know what it is you've done wrong." HA! Bright says he really doesn't, so Rose schools her dense-ass son: You don't treat people that way. You don't treat women as interchangeable objects. You don't sleep with someone you have no intention of calling. You don't have to be a romantic, but at least be honorable. Rose tells Bright that what he's doing isn't dating at all; it's morally bankrupt behavior, and furthermore, it's her fault. Bright tries to say it isn't, but Rose says she's always been taken with his charm and energy, and it never occurred to her that all these social graces were covering up something tragic. Bright tries to look unapologetic, but he is feeling it, baby, and he should be. Rose tells him that he looks at all the pictures in all his girlie magazines, then holds up real women to those unattainable standards. She says she's just sorry that she never took the time to teach him otherwise. Aw, Rose! Bright says he can change -- he can go into another department with a new attitude, and do better. Rose tells him he isn't going into ANY new department, because he is fired. Fired!
Brown/Abbott Office. Hannah finds Patch in his office and asks if she can talk to him. Of course she can, Patch says. Hannah tells him that she "passed," and now she can take the actual Huntington's test, if she wants to. Patch tells her that it's a big decision. Hannah says she knows, and then confesses that she called her mom. She says they never even talked about the possibility that Hannah could have it, or how guilty her mom feels about it, or anything -- and it made her realize how much she wants to take the test, because for the first time in her life, she feels connected to a future. "I want to feel my life again. I want to care about me, whether I have it or not." Patch looks at her kindly, and Hannah asks him if he's upset with her. Patch says no, of course not, and he hopes she knows that she never had to convince him of her decision. Hannah says she does, but she would never ask him to do something that he was against. "Ask me to do what?" Hannah tells Patch that the clinic requires an adult accompaniment to the test, and she was kind of hoping that adult would be him. "I know Amy told you to butt out of my life, but the fact that you cared enough to butt in at all? Just really reminds me of how my dad used to be. He's really pushy, too, in a nice kind of way." Patch, who along with the rest of the world is in tears, says he will take Hannah to get her test done. Sniff.
Q & A with Treat. Someone asks Treat if he can point out one thing that made the difference in John's recovery. Treat, who is really acting entirely too pleased with himself, says that it wasn't one particular treatment or course of action, he's just stubborn. GOD. Someone else asks, "So you had hope?" Treat says he guesses he did, and as he continues to talk, our lovely director Tom Amandes treats us to a fine montage: Hannah getting her blood drawn; Amanda watching Charlie hug John for the first time; Bright packing up his work things; Patch, Amy, and Hannah kneeling to pray in church. Treat tells us that the amazing thing about the human spirit is that it always knows how to move forward. "All I did for John Hayes was start him on a path. He has you to thank for all the rest."
Abbott House. Amy and Patch are just getting home, and Amy says she's really glad her dad went with Hannah. Patch says he is too, even though he might not agree with her decision. Amy asks her dad why he can't just leave it alone. Patch asks his daughter why he can't have his own opinions without her feeling the need to change his mind. Amy: "Because I'm you." Heh, and correct. Amy says if it were her, she would have definitely taken the test. Patch asks why. Amy says she was thinking the other day about Colin, and how everything that happened with him changed the way she lives her life. "I felt like I was watching Hannah not live her life, and it was driving me crazy." She admits that maybe she did push Hannah too hard to get the test, but she feels like there's a difference out there between truths that are knowable versus the complete unknown. She asks Patch, who is looking increasingly uncomfortable, to take her and Ephram, for example: if there were something that he knew that was preventing her from making an informed decision about their relationship, it wouldn't be the same. "Personally, I would rather know all the horrible truths out there and deal with them now, than be blindsided later." And here is where Patch can't take it anymore. He slams back his drink and informs Amy that there's something he has to tell her. Patch says he never tried to find Madison for the party. Amy's like, "Okay. Why?" Patch says he learned something last year that he should have told Amy then, but didn't. His voice breaks as he tells her that, in his mind, she was still his innocent little girl, but she lost that innocence with Colin. "What you've gained is so much more valuable. I should have realized that, and I'm sorry. Honey, Madison left Everwood when she found out that she was pregnant with Ephram's child. I have no idea where she is, or if she had the baby. All I know for certain is that Ephram has no idea about any of it." Amy starts to cry in a heart-wrenching way, and her sad tears take us to the commercials.
Uh-oh. Jillian's house. Bright is there to apologize. Jillian doesn't want to have anything to do with it, but Bright says he just never thought about what she might be feeling, and that's not cool. "So. That's it. I suck, and I'm sorry." Aw. Jillian says she doesn't know what to say. Bright tells her she doesn't have to say anything, and bids her good luck. Jillian says, "You too," unbelievably, and Bright heads back down her walkway an obviously relieved -- and dare we say, changed? -- man.
Back at the Miracle Clinic, Treat and Amanda are talking in the lobby. Treat tells her that he has to go, and asks when she'll be back in Everwood. Amanda tells Treat that, duh, she's not coming back. "This isn't my choice anymore. This is my family. At least that's what I promised once upon a time." Treat says he understands. Amanda says she wishes she could say goodbye as eloquently as she wants to. She does a pretty good job with, "You brought my family back. But before that, you brought me back." Treat: "And you me." Aw. Now go away.
Hey, we're back at the surprise party! After the hug, Ephram asks Amy what's wrong with her. Amy says she's just stressed out about the party planning and everything. Ephram believes her, which is kind of sad. Elsewhere at the party, Bright finds Hannah, who is sitting on the stairs alone. Bright sees Hannah's sad face, and is like, "Oh no. You got the results." Hannah tells him that it was negative -- she doesn't have the gene. Yay! Bright gets all happy, and gives her a huge hug. He says they should celebrate, but Hannah asks if she can just be alone for a while. Bright says of course, and walks off cheering to himself. Bright! That's the man we love. Hannah walks outside, looks up at the sky, and smiles to herself. AWESOME.
Later at the party, Ephram finds Amy in the kitchen cleaning up. He thanks her for everything, and says he couldn't have done any of it without her. Amy looks on the verge of tears again. Ephram tells her that she has to come to New York with him week for the audition. Amy says that's crazy. Ephram says it may be, but they're crazy, and they work on a crazy level, and asks her if she can think of one good reason not to come. Amy hesitates for a second, then says no, she sure can't. They kiss, and we fade out. This is going to be a disaster.