Previously on Easy Rider, our British heroine Elizabeth straddled Dr. Diego in the back seat of either his or her car and galloped him home like a thoroughbred. Gillian introduced herself to Abby and delivered the fateful and poorly written "Dear John" letter from...well, John himself. Chen dumped Pratt because he seemed to be in it for the fun and not for any prospect of long-term love. And finally, Abby had a bad day and shouted, "I hate my job!"
We begin in Pratt's apartment as he hops out of bed and turns on the shower. He's wearing a tank top that shows off his muscles. They're rippling. I'm not that keen on All Pratt, All The Time, but if I have to see him, I'll take him this way. I think one of his delts just winked at me. He vigorously brushes his teeth, then cooks up some of the nastiest-looking scrambled eggs in history, scraping them from the pan with a determination that says, "A Hero Tames The Beast Egg." Then we see him racing up the steps at the El station, fighting a flow of people going the other way. He bumps into a newspaper vendor who's just closed up shop, and asks for a copy; the man actually gripes about this, as if he can't use the extra buck, and as if selling one more copy involved something more than just lifting the rock off the pile and removing one. Fool. "Old news by now," the man says. And sure enough, The Graphic Of Ha, We Bet You Gullible Fools Thought It Was Morning tells us that it's 6:28 PM. Such a tease, that graphic.
Elizabeth looks very pretty in her extreme close-up, which is what we cut to . She's asking whether Ella had her bath, and wants the nanny to put her on the phone for a goodnight. Evidently Ella can't come to the phone because she's very busy, stacking Lego or drawing touching pictures of her and Mommy Nanny, or popping tabs of Ecstasy, or other assorted childplay. "Give her a kiss goodnight, then," Elizabeth sighs. Pause. Dr. Diego appears behind Elizabeth, buckling his belt, which seems awfully unfair for the rest of us. "No, I won't work too hard," Elizabeth says, blushing a tad, because she's already burned off more calories on The Shag Diet than on any other. She hangs up the phone. "Everything okay?" Diego asks. "Yeah," Elizabeth says absently. "She's watching Clifford." Diego comes up behind her, all ready to ask if she wants to see some big red dog too, but then thinks better of an impromptu viewing party and instead kisses her shoulder, saying, "Everyone's allowed a little down time -- even Ella's mother." And the dog. Which...damn. Elizabeth sits up -- letting the sheets fall so that we can see Alex Kingston's in kick-ass shape -- and begins putting on her bra. "Sneaking out...it all feels a little...unseemly," Elizabeth admits. So is the amount of oil on her chest right now. She's sporting more lube than Hugh Hefner's bedside table. "You say 'unseemly.' I say sexy," Diego grins. Elizabeth glows. "That, too," she purrs. "Not to mention fun," he says, crawling onto the bed. "Our shift starts in..." she begins, panting. "My car's fast," he says. Hope he is, too. "You've just had a shower," Elizabeth says, licking her lips as Diego advances and lowers her onto her back. "Water's cheap," he counters. "You're half-dressed," she drools. "You're not," he checkmates. They make out. You go, Elizabeth.
Abby's leading around a new nurse. Pratt coasts in and pauses to gaze at her. "Have we met?" he asks. "No," the nurse answers flatly, leaving. My, my. Has his reputation preceded him? Pratt complains that everyone around is fresh out of nursing school. "Fresh off the boat, more like," Frank says, gesturing to a gaggle of nurses who are of a foreign persuasion. Frank says a few more things, but all it's relevant to is the sad reality that TPTB took a cranky old man, turned him into a racist asshole, and think they can continue to try to play him for laughs. I fail to understand why he has to be written this way. Troy Evans, quit! You deserve more. I hear a lot of old ER people have turned up on The Lyon's Den, so get there before it gets cancelled. If that's possible.
"Think fast, truant," says an approaching Nick "Coop" Cooper, tossing a chart at Pratt. "Still here, Wheezy?" Pratt fires back. "Hell yeah! Home sweet home and right on time," Coop breezes. Pratt insists it's his house, not anyone else's. "You're just visiting from Whitebread, Iowa, or wherever," Pratt snorts. "Whitebread, Florida, actually," Coop cracks. I've been there. The people are doughy but the weather's great. Gallant pops in to say something chock full of incomprehensible terminology. Pratt keeps railing at Coop a little, saying he'll compensate for his tardiness and that they're not buddies. As if to underscore that Coop is friendlier -- or that he knows how to pick a hottie out of a bloated cast -- Jerry butts in to offer the new resident some Cubs tickets. Coop accepts them. Pratt mocks this, and then announces that he has to go to the bathroom. You've just witnessed the birth of a gag that runs, not unlike a urine stream, straight through this act. Would that I were kidding.
Before Pratt can get to the toilet, he's sidelined by Neela, one new med student who doesn't get a name yet, and a bearded dude named Lester with a slight accent. They all want Pratt's time. This is supposed to show us that Pratt is The Man, although really I think it's a function of how understaffed they are. Question: If Carter abruptly decided to stay in Congo, without an official assignment from any organization and without giving County any warning, why is his job waiting for him? I don't really see Weaver or Romano and their respective Appliances of Fierce Justice tolerating that. "Am I the only second-year here?" Pratt spits. "Sorry, I didn't see Dr. Cooper. I would've asked Dr. [Malarkey], but..." Lester says timidly. Susan drifts past long enough to overhear this, and heaves a huge put-upon sigh as she yanks back a curtain to reveal Malarkey flirting with a pretty female patient whose ankle has, like, a devastating deep bruise or something, and needs to be felt up with real precision. Pratt is probably offended that he wasn't called in as the resident expert in grope-ology. "A little multitasking on your part would be helpful," Susan lectures a chagrined Malarkey, pointing out that they've got a cluttered board and forty patients in triage. "You're not doing that clown any favors by picking up his slack," Pratt says under his breath to Coop. Clearly Coop is all, "I'm doing it for the patients, you suckmuscle -- have you seen that moron?"