Hindsight

S09E10

The Flash of The Fall of the Dodge Penis. The aforementioned Dodge Penis is speeding and weaving. You'd think Luka would be better at steering that thing. "It's not your fault," Erin says. This feels like such a cheap way to build suspense -- using "it" a lot and hoping that we'll perch on the end of the couch and squeal in anguish until the precious pronoun is further defined. Luka spits that he should've been more careful, and Erin begs him to slow down. "These things happen," she offers. "Two months in the ER don't make you an expert," spits Luka. Erin counters that It could've happened to anyone. That naughty It. Such a ho. "Please slow down!" Erin pleads, panicking. "These things don't just happen," Luka grunts. "Not if you know what you're doing." And with that, Luka speeds around a corner, skids, and fishtails, which shouldn't happen if you know what you're doing with your Penis, Luka. Erin screams at him to pull over, and then shrieks as Luka plows his Dodge Penis into the Grim Hobo Reaper's shopping cart of doom.

The Flash of Everybody's Mad at Luka. Luka's at the hospital, brooding. It happens sometimes. Chen appears behind him and shares that a patient named Jane is headed up to the OR. "You want to talk to them?" she asks brightly. "That's okay. You do it," he says morosely, walking away. Chen looks a bit perplexed, but shakes it off and trucks into the room of a sick-looking girl of about eleven, and her father. This is Jane. "Is the other doctor here? The cute one?" Jane asks, hopefully. Wow, even the little ones can sense it. Step off, though, kiddo. I can take you and I'm not afraid to throw a few elbows. Abby enters, also looking for Luka. "On his way out," Chen says. Jane's father asks her to thank Luka for making "them" give Jane a head CT. At least Luka gets to be a hero somewhere.

Abby barges into the lounge, where Luka's collecting his things from his locker. "What, you're just going to leave?" Abby snarls. "Shift's almost over," he says quietly. "Anyway, it wasn't my shift." Abby crosses her arms impatiently. "What's going on, Luka?" she demands. "I'll be fine," he says, still not turning to look at her. "What you do outside this hospital, that's up to you, but not when it starts preventing you from doing your job, not when it starts hurting patients," Abby rants. Okay, pause. Because I've seen the rest of the episode, I can't not comment on the unfairness of this. Luka was forced to come in, hung over as shit, to work a shift. Yes, he should suck it up and keep his wits about him even when he's hung over, but Abby makes it sound like he's deliberately and carelessly going off on benders on days when he knows he has to work the morning. And that's just not true. This is the kind of made-up drama that makes this episode ring false -- that line's only in there so that it can be vague and a tease, so we'll be like, "Ooh, I can't wait to see what horrors he did outside work!" Bleh. Luka agrees with me. He doesn't even look at Abby because he's offended by her false lines. He just wraps a scarf around his neck and prepares to unleash the hotness. When the time is right, my pretties. "Do you even care?" Abby sputters. "Do you even care that that kid is lying out there as good as dead?" This must be the kid Susan stood over earlier. And I love how I say that like I don't already know it's true. Finally, even though I'm irritated with Abby, it is nice to see her putting patients first and acting like the authority figure she's become at County. Luka closes his locker and turns slowly, staring at the ground, then bringing his eyes up to meet Abby's. His expression is drawn, somber; his eyes are completely empty and dead. Abby's expression changes from anger to alarm. He approaches her, opens his mouth a little, then folds his gloves and leaves in total silence. Abby wants to say something, but can't find the words. I will supply them: "Do me."

A dangerous band of suspicious people congregates near the hospital doors. They are clad in bonnets and period costumes. They are that most nefarious of breeds: minstrels. They're dragging down spirits hospital-wide with their rendition of a dirge-like Christmas carol. Dr. Kerry "Weavus Claus is Comin' To Town" Weaver shoves her way through them, unintimidated by their treacherous vocals, and when her cane gets caught she wrenches it free with a tug that, gratifyingly, appears to jab one earnest soprano right in her bustle. "Try something more cheerful," she crabs. Sure enough, the minstrels oblige. Good minstrels. Our choral terror is no more. Weaver runs into a solemn, whispering Abby and Susan and asks how it's going. "Bad," they say sadly. Weaver asks about Luka's whereabouts. "He went home," Abby says. "Get him back here," snaps Weaver. Abby suggests that he needs time. "Get him back," insists Weaver, annoyed. She takes off. "It shouldn't have happened," Susan sighs. "It's not his fault," Abby swears. "He missed it!" Susan counters. It, it it. Somewhere, in a dense forest far, far away, those brave Knights Who Say "Ni" are cowering in agony. Abby rationalizes that Luka's just burned out. Susan doesn't seem convinced.

Frank and Jerry, also clad in Claus garb, squabble about who owns the job. "I always thought of you as a big man, but compared to Jerry, you're just sort of an ambitious elf," says Dr. Robert "Rocket" Romano with glee. Then, he disappears, the bastard. Come back! Jerry and Frank continue bickering, but really, no one cares which one of them is Santa. They're only here so that Abby and Dr. Jing-Mei "All the Way" Chen can whip off some one-liners, neither of which are that funny, so take that, writers. I'm not recapping them.

Weaver reminds everyone that two traumas are en route. Abby's covering them; before any other words are spoken, a gurney bursts through the doors and we see Erin Harkins "The Herald Angels Sing" lying unconscious, slightly bloodied, and very dirty. Just in case our powers of deduction have taken a bathroom break, Abby gasps, "Oh my God, it's Harkins!" Weaver exposits that she's a med student there. Michael "Oh What Fun It Is To Ride" Gallant coughs up her measurements, and Jerry and Frank join hands and form with their bodies the letters that spell out, "She's the irritatingly perky one." Are we all clear? Good. "Was she alone?" Abby asks. "She was with one of your doctors," replies the medic. As they speed Erin down the hallway, Abby turns toward the door and sees Dr. Luka "Come, All Ye Faithful" Kovac striding darkly through the hall. I choose that word because, in addition to his black garb, his expression is blacker than the coal in my stocking. He's bleeding freely from the head and walking with sexy purpose. He's Mr. December for Hot Head Wounds Monthly. Romano takes one look at Luka starts humping his leg. Or, he screams for a wheelchair. Chen jumps three feet into the air. Luka ignores her and stares right at Abby, who gapes a little. We fade into the credits wondering if it's wrong to find gushing blood so damned attractive.

Interestingly, a wound on Luka's left cheek is trickling blood. We learn later that this particular wound came earlier in the day, and I can't figure out why it would've reopened if most of the damage to Luka's face from this accident happened on the other side of his head. I don't buy that he smacked the top right of his skull and reinjured his left cheek, yet all the precious facial features in between the two remained unsmashed and even unsullied. Just a thought.

Erin's machinery is beeping wildly, so that we know she's in the throes of what I like to call Deep Shit. Susan screams for a backboard and Romano yells that he's going to free up an OR for her. Gallant stares at Erin, scared, until Weaver gives him a task. Then he looks up and gazes right at Luka, all wounded and sad that his crush has gotten, well, crushed. Luka glumly watches them hold down Erin's head and apply a neck brace. "She was walking on the scene," he whispers. Right on cue, everyone stops what he or she is doing to stare at Luka, just so we're clear that this is all too shocking. This lasts for a full beat pause until Erin's machinery is like, "Hello? This is my scene," and Erin practically sits up and says, "Excuse me, can some of you help me not die?" They jump back to work. Gallant yanks Luka back a few feet. "You might contaminate the field," he says harshly. The din of the doctors fades as we focus on Luka, though we faintly hear them diagnose a possible liver laceration. "Dr. Kovac, what happened?" Gallant asks.

This begins the cycle backwards in time, with each segment delineated by a flash-bulb noise and a bright-white effect on the screen. After the flash, we see a spraying fire hydrant and a messy, windblown pile of what looks like newspapers or those free apartment-hunter flyers. Luka's Dodge Penis has crashed. He is conscious, as is Erin, his passenger. "You okay? You hit your head?" he asks. "No, my side," she winces. "Back pain?" he asks. She doesn't answer and seems a little dazed in trying to jiggle her door open. It won't budge. Luka hands her his mobile phone and tells her to call 911 while he checks on the other car. "We hit someone?" she asks, confused.

Luka tumbles out of the car and falls flat on his pretty face. Unfortunately, it's true: Falling is always funny. Although Luka gets credit for looking sexy even when he's flailing and face-planting into a pile of trash. Really eerie music plays as Luka stares at a wailing old homeless man in a black cloak pushing a cart and carrying a giant candy cane. People have speculated that this man is The Grim Hobo Reaper. I contend that candy can't be used either for evil or by Evil. Luka shakes off this idiotic moment and trots to the other car. "Stay still," he calls out. The driver complains that his elbow and leg hurt, and his son moans loudly in the passenger seat. "It was the other guy's fault," rails the dad. "He was driving like a maniac!" Uncomfortably, Luka ignores this and deduces that the man's hip is dislocated. Then he moves around to the other side of the car and checks on the kid, Dwayne. "It hurts," Dwayne whimpers. He's having trouble breathing, which Luka realizes is due to a fractured collarbone that's compressing his windpipe. The father desperately begs for help. "I'll be right back," Luka shouts. "Don't leave us here!" screams the man.

Luka reports to Erin that the father's hip is jacked and Dwayne's not breathing too well. He roots through his trunk in frustration as Erin chips in that the paramedics are less than five minutes away. "I thought I had a tool kit!" curses Luka, pissed because all he wants here is to fix the people he just broke. "I can't believe you did this," Erin complains helpfully. Luka spits that he needs pliers to elevate the broken bone; she offers up a suture kit, the presence of which in her bag will probably be explained on our exciting journey back through time, and yet oddly, I don't have the energy to be interested in that particular wrinkle. Luka runs to the other car as Erin trots after him with the kit in her hand.

"This might hurt a little," Luka says to Dwayne, who isn't conscious and therefore can't hear him. The dad wants Luka to drug up Dwayne, but alas, there are no drugs. Outside the car, rooting around the kit for the scalpel, Erin suddenly closes her eyes woozily and exhales slowly. "You should sit down," Luka orders her. She shakes it off and hands him the scalpel. As the father begs Dwayne to wake up, Luka promptly cuts into Dwayne's neck. Ah, that did it -- Dwayne's eyes fly right open. And then he screams, because holy shit, there's a knife in his neck. The dad freaks and looks away, tempted to puke. Come on, NBC Vomit Comet! But, nothing. Luka takes tweezers and digs them into the hole he's made, rooting around for the hanging bone. Dwayne's all, "Oh my sweet holy GOD this pain isn't Earthly," and then his lips start turning blue because he can't breathe. The paramedics arrive, and Luka and Erin give them the bullet while Luka cranks on Dwayne's collarbone. With a crunching noise, he elevates it, and Dwayne audibly resumes normal breathing patterns.

The medics load Dwayne into a rig with his father, and it pulls away. Erin wanders away to get some saline while the medic asks if Luka tended to the people in the other car. "It was just us," he says. "'Us'?" the medic asks. Luka whirls around and sees Erin in a crumpled heap on the snow. "Erin!" he yells. Yes, that's Erin. Harkins, med student...we covered this. They flock to her. "She complained of right-side pain, [it] may be a liver laceration," Luka shouts. He barks out a few instructions. "Who was driving?" the medic asks. "I was," Luka answers.

Inside the rig, Erin's not responsive to touch and her blood pressure is down. Luka can't hear anything with the stethoscope and demands an angiocath. The medic objects; dueling medical banter ensues, the result being that Luka jabs a needle into Erin's chest against the paramedic's wishes. Of course, it stabilizes her. Luka then stands up to accept the Doug Ross Memorial "Rogue Doctors Always Win" Award for Best Wanton Disregard for Other Medical Professionals. "I'd like to thank reverse peristalsis for this award. Without it, the writers couldn't have regurgitated an old character," Luka beams, caressing the trophy, which is a bronze middle finger. Then Luka glares at the medic, his eyes searing and dark, and he scoots backward in his seat, leaning against the rig doors and staring out the back windows. The light is dim; all we see is gleaming blood streaming down the right side of his face.

Erin chases down Luka as he walks to his shiny Dodge Penis. She invites him to grab a coffee with her. "I could use some company, and I thought you might, too," she suggests. Luka apologizes for what happened in the elevator -- yet another thing we can add to the "wait and see" list -- but Erin waves it off and ascribes it to the crappy day they both had. Luka turns to her. "Maybe I gave you the wrong idea last night," he begins. I should've recapped this episode backwards. Doing it the way it aired, I'm finding that I lose patience with all the vague stuff that's supposed to pique our curiosity. Every scene has an annoying non-specific quality to it. Erin shakes her head. "Not at all," she says sincerely. "Good night, then," he says as a dismissal. But Erin needs a ride home. And I think we all know how that ended.

The Flash of The Screwed Pooch Has Collected Its Money Off The Dresser and Snuck Out Of the Hotel Room. Chuny, Susan, and Erin are with Rick, who's as unconscious as he was the last time we saw him. Abby creeps into the room glumly. "How long was he waiting?" Susan asks. Abby shrugs. Erin wants to stay and help, but Susan sends her home, knowing there's nothing left to do. Once it's just her, Rick, and Abby in the room, Susan allows her frustration to come to the fore and she grills Abby about what went on in there. "Luka thought he had the flu," Abby says helplessly. Susan asks whether Luka listened over the stomach after intubation. "I don't know," Abby says defensively. "Did he use the antietal CO2 detector?" Susan presses. Abby still doesn't know. "He would've had another few years. Ten, if he's lucky," Susan rants. Abby counters that Rick was sicker than he seemed, and a lot sicker than anybody would've intuited. This doesn't comfort Susan, because if it did, we wouldn't have any festering anti-Luka sentiment, and that's the whole point of this episode.

The Flash of The Pooch Lighting Its Post-Coital Cigarette. Luka is criking Rick -- poking a hole in his throat and pumping oxygen through it -- because there's too much blood building up in his throat. Or something. Luka twitches a little and blinks hard to concentrate. "You're in the pre-tracheal space," complains Susan. I hate people who invade my personal pre-tracheal space. Luka seems frustrated as they open a crash cart and someone announces that there's "desevered posturing," which makes it sound like Rick failed his deportment class test. Erin senses that the home audience doesn't know what's going on with this poor kid, so she shouts, "Posturing? From cerebral hypoxia? So it's brain damage?" Luka and Susan glare at her for being so Ron Obvious about it all. "I'll go talk to the girlfriend," Susan offers. "I'll do it," snaps Luka. Susan starts to warn him off, but he barks that he said he'd do it, and trots away.

Cynthia is stunned. "Leukemia?" she gulps. Luka gently breaks it to her that Rick didn't know he'd had it. "If we'd sent off a CBC earlier, we could've started the transfusion of antibiotics in time," he says. Okay, Step One of avoiding a lawsuit: Don't admit fault. "Now he's showing signs of brain damage because he was deprived of oxygen," Luka adds. Cynthia begs him to affirm that Rick might still get better, because she wants to eat her grief cracker with a sliver of hope on top. Luka hedges, but under pressure, admits it's not impossible. "We waited out here for so long before they took us in," sobs Cynthia. "So many people got seen before us! Why'd we have to wait so long?" Luka exhales sadly and admits that Rick should've gotten better care. Step Two of avoiding a lawsuit: Don't admit any deficiency. Cynthia stares at him, and asks if Luka believes in God. Nothing. The Bishop twitches in his grave. Luka's cheek scar is there, and it's just as big as it was earlier, but it's not bleeding. Still not sure why it decided to reopen. Cynthia continues, asking if Luka believes God punishes people. "It wasn't God," Luka says. Oh, come on! Step Three of avoiding a lawsuit: Blame God. Never admit that whatever went wrong couldn't have been some cruel divine punishment. In fact, encourage it. Luka clearly needs to skim Malpractice for Dummies. Cynthia grasps his hand and implores him to pray with her; despite his resistance, she bows her head and ostensibly starts saying a rosary. Abby passes and stops in her tracks when she sees a guilt-ridden Luka huddled to Cynthia. She shoots him a shocked and disgusted look. Chill, Abby. He's sitting with a grieving girl, not buying Eminem's house off eBay. We fade to black really, really annoyed with this act-out, because it's asinine that Abby would assume Luka's flirting with Cynthia, and also because she's cast herself as Luka's defender in this whole scenario, so it's dumb to have her glaring at him because she's judging him. I hate fake tension.

The Flash Of The Pooch Being Screwed. Trauma Yellow. The room is calm. Erin has bagged Rick and is pumping...whoa, that sounds a little pornographic. To paraphrase, she's helping him breathe, but his sats are dropping. "They'll come up," Luka insists. Chuny offers Luka some coffee, but he refuses. "This is the flu kid?" Susan asks, surprised as she enters the room. "Pulmonary edema," Luka informs her -- so, fluid in his lungs that's impeding his breathing. Confused, Susan deduces that something must be wrong, and Erin notes that there's a lot of resistance to the bagging she's doing. That seems natural, though, because it sounds like just about all viewers would resist a good, hard Erin-bagging. Susan whips out the stethoscope and listens over Rick's stomach. "Dammit, you're in the esophagus!" she panics. Holy Shit in D Minor strikes up as they all run up to Rick and start trying to fix what's broken. "I heard bilateral breath sounds!" Luka insists desperately. "They must've been transmitted," Susan counters. "I listened over the stomach." Rick's machinery beeps itself into a frenzy. "Could you see the cords?" Susan shouts at Luka. "It was hard to tell," he admits. Susan is in a snit. Luka stupidly decides to try and blame a nurse, suggesting that the tube blew when one of the nurses taped it up, and Chuny shoots him a dirty look, because she blew his tube and here he is, insulting her. Susan tries to take over The Re-Intubation of Rick, but Luka won't have it, then frets that there's too much blood in Rick's lungs to re-tube him anyway. Erin brandishes his CBC results and Susan translates the medical lingo that drips stiffly from Leslie Bibb's mouth: Rick has acute leukemia. Luka can't believe it. "No wonder he's bleeding so much," Susan freaks. "He's septic, bag him!" She then yells for a crike kit. "We're going to have to crike him?" Erin shrieks. Good lord, girl, put a tube in it, will you? Luka tears off his gloves and seethes that there was no indication at all of leukemia. "He presented with a simple fever," he insists. "It didn't look like anything." Luka would make a crappy investigative reporter.

The Flash of the Pooch Getting In the Car And Going To A By-The-Hour Hotel For Some Hot Screwing Action. Inside the elevator, we pan across a motley crew of extras in ugly hats. Never has a group of people needed so badly to ride the love train to The Gap. "An operation could save her, but we have to catch it in time," Luka whispers sternly to Erin. "I didn't realize..." Erin begins, but Luka interrupts that he needs to know she'll do what he asks, when he asks for it, and yes, that is fairly sexual, and that whatever transpires outside hospital walls can't affect their work. "Is this about last night?" she demands. No. It's about a girl who needed something you didn't do. Listen, Erin, and stop trying to make us stay tuned. "I'm just trying to get through a shift," Luka retorts, his voice strained.

Luka exits the elevator and runs into Abby. "What took you so long?" she asks. "I had a patient who needed a CT," he says. That would be Jane. Not that I'm invested in her at all. They head into Trauma Yellow, where Rick's lying on a table. Luka tells him they're intubating so that he can breathe better. Rick nods tiredly, because he was in the other scenes and he knows how it all ends. All this hoo-ha confuses Cynthia. "Call my folks," Rick whispers. "If you need money, hock the ring." Cynthia shushes him, but lovingly, and a bit tearfully. Rick is so cute. I'd like to be in a Rick-Gallant sandwich. Yum. But suddenly, Rick starts frothing at the mouth, and he looks less tasty and more rabid. Luka hurriedly tries to tube him, but complains that he can't see well enough. "Is something going wrong?" duhs Cynthia, as if up to this point all the wheezing and frothing were just the usual weekend antics. Luka grabs another skinny tube and explains to Erin that he's trying another way of reaching the cords. "What's happening?" Cynthia demands. Luka makes Chuny escort her outside, because the doctors on this show always remember too late that family members in the trauma room are never, ever helpful. Meticulously, Luka tubes him, then tears off his gloves and exhales. For the record, we don't see him listen over Rick's stomach, but the people on the time-travel trigger are pretty quick with it, so they don't really give Luka time to consciously not do this.

The Flash of A Few Other Storylines Rearing Their Ugly Heads. You know, I could save a lot of time by just writing, "Luka is hot and Erin is annoying. People are sick. Flash! Luka is still hot and Erin is still annoying. People are less sick than they were a second ago. Flash! Luka is hot and all is well." Sigh. I wish Luka would flash me. Anyway, Frank strolls the halls in his Santa costume, and Pratt obnoxiously asks if he's going to dress like that every day. "Why not? You dress like a doctor," spits Frank. Hee. Luka is behind the front desk asking for a bunch of tox screens and tests results, while Yosh and Frank banter about Yosh's broken Menorah. It's pretty boring. Trivia buffs, take note that Yosh converted to Judaism. Luka is trying to get people's attention to ask about patients who need treatment, but no one's answering, suggesting that maybe, just maybe, other people on this show are self-absorbed, too.

A cop enters to investigate an alleged assault on one of their patients, Mr. Doric. Luka and Pratt confirm that they took care of the victim, but deny any knowledge of treating another old man who might be the attacker. Pratt crosses his arms, trying to be macho in the shadow of foreign testosterone and failing miserably to beat the potency of Luka's cocktail. "This is serious," Officer Impatient says. "He could've died!" Pratt points out that Mr. Doric did not, in fact, perish, and they don't remember another old guy, so Officer Impatient should go look for the beef somewhere else because it ain't here.

Abby grabs Luka and admits that she did a hemocue -- that Luka didn't order -- on Rick, which revealed that his hemoglobin levels are too low. Luka tries to write this off as symptomatic of the flu, but Abby insists that Rick needs cultures and a proper work-up. Luka agrees resignedly to another hemocue and a CBC. Abby looks pleased with herself, but then remembers to look distantly concerned so that we'll all get head injuries from the amount that Foreshadowing -- or would that be Backshadowing? -- is beating us on the noggin.

Luka arrives in Jane's room just in time to see that she's twitching and not breathing. "She bit her tongue," panics Erin, who looks way out of her league here. "CT was backed up and I was waiting for them to call." Luka bristles. "How long were you planning to wait?" he barks. They protect Jane's tongue with a depressor while Luka tells them to call upstairs and prepare them for the imminent onslaught of Castle CT. Chuny interrupts to drag him to Rick's bedside. "Pulmonary edema," she says.

In Trauma Yellow, Rick shimmies out of his wheelchair and onto the table. He's wearing an oxygen mask, and damn, you know you're cute if you can look tasty in one of those. Cynthia is confused. She is basically confused throughout the entire episode. Nothing makes sense to this girl. "His lungs are filled with fluid," Luka informs her. "What's that mean?" she worries. Does it matter? It's bad! Even my Supernintendo Chalmers action figure knows it's bad. He's clutching his clipboard with dread. Luka shrugs that they're not completely sure what's wrong with Rick. Luka looks clammy, and he's blinking hard again, a tic that's increased the further back in time we've gone. I think this is Goran Visnjic's way of communicating that Luka's working through a hangover that gradually got better throughout the day. It's a pretty subtle touch, and I like it. Erin pokes her head in and asks if Luka wants to help her storm Castle CT, and he does, because nothing gets the endorphins flowing like a good onslaught. "You're not leaving, are you?" Cynthia frets. "I'll be right back," Luka promises. As he leaves, the Eerie Music of What The Hell Could Happen ? plays.

The king of Castle CT bitches that Jane's got two people in line ahead of her. "She had a seizure in the ER while she was waiting," Luka argues, refusing to give up on the one storyline that will make him look like something other than a boozy knob. "You're not the only doctor in the ER," retorts the king. Luka demeans the importance of the other two cases, and Erin pipes up in impassioned tones that Jane is only eleven, and could have an epidural bleed that requires surgery to save her life. "She's ," Erin spits defiantly, waving Jane's gurney into the room.

The Flash of Aw, If They Only Knew. Cute Rick and Confused Cynthia are in an exam room with Luka and Abby. "He says he doesn't get sick much," Cynthia offers. Luka figures he'll bounce back pretty quickly, and listens to Rick's breath sounds; they're clear, he decides. Cynthia exposits that she wants to leave because she needs to clean up their apartment -- Rick's parents are coming, and she's never met them before. "[You] should stay until we see if he needs any medicine...that might make him light-headed," Luka requests. Wow. Poor cute brain-damaged Rick. He got so much more than light-headed.

Abby follows Luka out of the room. "What do you want?" she asks. Luka orders a CBC, urine dip, and a chest x-ray. So he does order the CBC right away, so he didn't pooch that as badly as the show made us think he did. "What about a hemocue? He's looking pretty pasty," Abby suggests. Luka brushes it aside, ascribing that to dehydration. Okay, so maybe he did just fuck up pretty badly. Abby takes a deep breath. "Are we okay?" she asks. "About what?" Luka blinks innocently. "Last night. In the bedroom," Abby probes. "Did I do something stupid?" he wonders too innocently, so you know that he totally remembers what he did, and he can't wait for us to catch up so he can see our faces when we find out, because our world will be rocked. Rocked! And we'll remember why ER is America's No. 2 drama. Abby can't believe he doesn't remember. "I had a couple drinks," shrugs Luka. "Couple of dozen," Abby prods. Pause. Finally, she gives up. "Okay, as long as we're all right," she says. Luka tells her to let him know when the CBC comes back, and walks away. "I'm concerned," she calls after him. Luka -- deliberately, I think -- misinterprets this as referring to Rick's condition. "He's got the flu, Abby. You worry too much," he replies glibly. We fade to black on Abby's knowing face, and we decide that this act-out is pretty much devoid of dramatic tension if you've been vaccinated against Bermuda Triangle Syndrome, which most of the free world has.

The Flash of So That's Where He Got That Thing. Luka nurses a wound on his left cheek as a short, doughy man in a red hat whines about whether Luka plans to press charges. "You punched me in the face!" Luka says sharply. Abby appears. "What happened?" she asks. "Vicious midget," Luka replies. Hee. The vicious midget objects to this characterization, but no one pays attention because he's served his lone purpose -- that being, to break skin on Luka's cheek so that the makeup artists would have something fun to do this Christmas. Luka ices his face grumpily. Cynthia shows up to introduce herself to Luka and thank him for looking after her boyfriend. We are all supposed to privately pity her, but I'm kind of over it; this was a case where knowing the ending didn't make me at all interested in what happened when Rick was healthy. "Doc, I was just reaching up," the vicious midget insists. "With a clenched fist?" hisses Luka. "I'm four-eleven," counters the midget. "My fists are always clenched." Susan drags Luka away to fix up the wound before any other fists fly.

Rick and Cynthia. They're smiling and happy while Abby does nurse-type things to Rick. Cynthia confides that his parents are arriving and she's scared of them because they're both lawyers. Luka is so in danger of getting his ass slapped -- hmm, rrowr -- with a lawsuit for all the stuff he spouted earlier about how Rick should've gotten better care. That's the dumbest thing ever. Hangovers generally make you sick, not stupid. Cynthia leans toward Abby and whispers conspiratorially that Rick's parents think they're too young to get married, then she shows off the ring. Rick teases that it's cubic zirconia. "Shut up! It is not!" whines humorless Cynthia. Dump her, Rick. Dump her while you're still alive! Then we learn that he's nineteen and she's twenty, so that we can be overcome with the tragedy of the lost young life. "We met in church," Cynthia says needlessly, so that we can be overcome with the tragedy of the lost young holy life. "We're going to elope [on New Year's Eve] to Reno," Rick adds, so that we can be overcome by the lost, young, holy, should've-chosen-Vegas life. "There's no time like the present, right?" Rick says, smiling lovingly at Cynthia. Oh, bah. I hate it when TPTB tries to go for my heartstrings, because it's always so blatant and painful and easy to deflect, so they always miss and it comes off like they're trying to cop a cheap feel.

Susan cleans Luka's cheek scrape, which is much smaller here than it was through the rest of the episode. I didn't realize cheek scrapes could stretch as they healed. That's mighty inconvenient. "Shouldn't you be gone by now?" Susan asks. "I keep trying to leave," sighs Luka. Susan commiserates. "I learned a valuable lesson: Never host a party when you have to work the day," she says. Then she gripes that the single people get screwed during the holidays because everyone else gets time off to be with spouses and kids, and they're stuck covering the rush. "I don't care," Luka shrugs. "Christmas is not what it's supposed to be, anyway." Susan wonders what that means. I figured it was going to be a treatise on the meaning of the holiday versus crass commercialization, but instead Luka explains that in Croatia they went hayriding and cut down their own trees, because apparently, Christmas is supposed to be a cross between The Waltons and Monty Python's Lumberjack Song. "My wife made fish the night before and turkey for Christmas Day," he reminisces. "Sounds perfect," Susan says, and there's totally a hint of sarcasm in her voice, like she can't tell what's so wrong or vastly different about Christmas American-style. "Yeah," Luka mouths. Susan then cordially invites Luka to Christmas dinner at her place with a couple of her friends. "Your orphan friends?" he grins. "Just folks who can't get home, or don't want to," she replies. Abby interrupts to bring grim news that Rick's blood-pressure has plummeted. "Who?" Luka asks. "Flu kid," Abby reminds him. "Put him in a room," Luka says. "I already did. He's been waiting all morning," Abby says, a touch of irritation in her voice. Which is justified, except it also can't be the first time anyone's been overlooked or kept waiting in the ER. It feels like that happens every week. Didn't Carter and Abby ignore a pox-infested family in "Lockdown" long enough to get the whole hospital shut down? Right. Glass houses are expensive to repair, Abby, so put that rock down. "You should think about joining us, Luka," Susan offers again. "I will, thanks," he says half-heartedly, ducking out of the room.

The Flash of the Tertiary Medical Scuffle of the Week. There's an old man in Trauma Green whining about wanting someone arrested. A young woman enters -- his daughter -- and frantically asks if he's okay. "I don't know! It happened so fast," he moans. Luka and Pratt escort the daughter outside for a second as she demands to know if they caught her father's attacker. This must be Mr. Doric, from earlier. He looks fine. So far, Mr. Doric's pretty roundly uncompelling. "[The attacker] says he knew your dad from before," Pratt begins, but Luka interrupts and says the other old man wasn't thinking clearly and none of it's important. Doric's daughter freaks that they're treating the man who assaulted her precious papa. "He brutalized a harmless old man," she seethes. "He doesn't deserve help." Luka correctly points out that it's not their job to judge, but rather to heal. Then they basically get the woman out of the scene so that Pratt can ask why Luka's protecting the attacker, whom we haven't seen yet. "He's eighty years old, Pratt," Luka sighs. "Doesn't mean you have to help him lie," Pratt points out. Luka says something like, "The past is the past -- you can't help running," but I couldn't tell if that's correct or not because my captions still aren't working, the bastards. Pratt says, "He did a good job." Luka intones, "Until today." I'm kind of tired of this. We had enough going on without having to add some wacky old-man hijinks.

Frank tries to fend off the vicious midget and one of his buddies, who is dressed like an elf. "He won't let us see our friend!" they shout to an inquiring Luka. "Don't you have reindeer to mount?" snarls Frank. "That's IT!" shouts vicious midget, shooting his fist up and connecting with -- I did check -- Luka's left cheek. He grazes it at such an angle that Luka's head still jerks to the left; it looks weird, but I think it's plausible.

The Flash of Do As I Say, Not As I Do. Abby's in the drug locker when Erin appears on an errand from Luka. She asks for a certain drug, and Abby opts to give her an alternative. "I'll ask Luka if that's okay," Erin says. "It's okay," Abby retorts firmly, a mite offended. Then she softens. "Practicing your suturing?" she asks. "Thanks for the kit," Erin replies, so that we all know why she had one on her during the accident scene. Abby pauses and chomps on her lips. Do they give her flavored lipstick or something? She's always eating her own mouth. "You know, you should be careful," Abby warns her. Erin doesn't get it, so Abby lets her know that there's gossip flying around. "There's nothing going on," Erin swears. "It's just that he's a doctor and you're a med student..." Abby trails off. Erin again denies that anything's happening, but senses Abby isn't finished. She would be right, because Abby has an inherent need to meddle and suck us back into the geometric vortex that is her pain-in-the-ass love life. "Luka tends to not think things through," Abby analyzes. Since when? Since he started drinking casually even though he's an alcoholic, and he drove away his entire family because he was so pushy? Oh, right, that was you, Nurse Wretched. "And I don't think it would be good for either of you..." Abby adds. Erin silences her by thanking her for the pills with a pointed tone and expression.

Erin returns to Luka, who's in with Mr. Doric. Suddenly, an old man in Trauma Yellow starts screaming, "That's him! Don't help him! Let him die!" "Shut up," Doric bellows. The guy in Trauma Yellow is still shrieking and flailing his arms in an unintentionally comical display. It's The Grumpiest Old Men: So Grumpy, It's Dangerous. Doric insists the other man is just insane, and Pratt and Luka glare at him hatefully. Interesting. By which I mean, "Feh."

The Flash of That Other Storyline In This Episode . Erin and Luka are treating Jane, who's complaining of a headache and trying to downplay the whole thing. Luka makes her stand and try to walk; when she does, she stumbles a little and Erin has to catch her. , Luka makes her hold out her arms and maintain balance, and the girl fails this test, too, falling dizzily against Erin. Erin and Luka exchange "aw, shit" looks. Luka cutely prods Jane into admitting that, at hockey practice, her helmet flew off after a rough check. The coach had her sit out, but she wanted to keep playing, so she pretended to be fine. "Make sure she gets a CT," Luka says. And again, the dialogue's all jacked because the episode's in reverse. If this was playing out properly, he'd have treated her like a non-moron and just said, "Order a head CT." But because we already know she didn't act soon enough, we get, "Do not under any circumstances, no matter what they might be, refrain from getting her a head CT." This show makes me tired. Jane begs them not to tell her father what happened because he'll make her stop playing hockey. "We'll just get you better, okay?" Luka promises. Jane's dad enters with some hot cocoa for her. Aw. Can I have some?

Erin asks Luka if he's headed out yet, but he's going to wait until Jane's out the door first. "Just get the girl a CT," he says tiredly. Erin charges off to do it and encounters an adorable Gallant. "Hey," he says awkwardly. He asks if she's ever seen some funky medical thing, because he's got one she can ogle, and the subtext of this scene is so clearly, "Have you ever seen a well-hung man? Because if you come behind Curtain Two, I can show you the world's hottest curtain rod." Erin expresses interest in seeing whatever disease Gallant's putting on display, but not until after she's done the CT. After. The. CT. Always prioritize the CT. "Hey, so how long did you stay at Susan's?" Gallant asks to keep her from speeding away. "Not very," Erin shrugs. "I missed my dance," he smiles sweetly. Mount him! I'm not an Erin lover, but come on, how can you not want to get on that and ride it until dawn? "Sorry about that," she says obliviously. "time, I promise!" And with that, she trucks off into the distance, leaving Gallant looking shy and a little let down.

The Flash of That Other Other Storyline In This Episode. In Trauma Yellow, Crazy Old Assailant moans, "Did the police come?" Pratt snappily says they probably will, because COA beat somebody up. Luka enters to check out COA. "He's fine, but worried about being ratted out," Pratt says. COA mutters that nobody understands that he did nothing wrong. Luka points out that he did jump another person, seemingly unprovoked. "Are you Jewish?" COA croaks. "No," Luka says. "Then you can't understand," says COA. "I haven't seen him for sixty years, and then I see him on my own street, an old man like me. But that face, I'll never forget." Apparently, Mr. Doric worked for a Gestapo-like organization that rooted out and turned over Jews to the Nazis, and he helped bust COA's entire family. COA ran home to warm them but it was too late; they all got shipped off to a concentration camp, and he never saw any of them again. Luka looks sad. Erin interrupts to say that Chen got called away before they could jointly work up Jane. Luka blinks in confusion. "The hockey girl," she clarifies. Luka blinks again and then tells her to get started; he'll join her momentarily. COA says that he saw Doric laughing at the bus stop and couldn't control his rage. Pratt's skeptical of how COA could be sure, after sixty years, that it was the same man. "Some things stay in your head forever," COA intones. An anvil knocks Luka on the head to try and dispute that theory, but sadly, Luka still broods. COA begs them to help him so he doesn't go to jail; Luka rips off his gloves with somber intensity and exits. He's so good at removing his gloves. Seriously! He's done it enough in this episode, and it's always punctuating a scene with the right tone. And at least he's tearing off something, dammit.

The Flash of Here's Where It All Went To Hell. Abby waits outside for an incoming trauma, and spies Chen crossing the snowy ambulance bay. "Didn't know you were on today," Abby says pleasantly. "I got the call from Weaver," Chen says, amused. "Oh, too bad for you," Abby says. Chen is carrying a really cute black purse with a big red flower on it. Damn, I'm recapping my own envy, and apparently it's floral. Chen whispers mischievously that the big gossip of the day is Erin and Luka dancing and then leaving Susan's party together. Abby looks taken aback. "So? I was dancing with Yosh," Abby scoffs with a snicker. Luka slips through the sliding glass doors at this point, and Chen greets him too brightly. He responds by emotionlessly giving her the bullet on a patient she's to deal with -- Jane, I think -- and Chen disappears inside. "That wasn't so bad," Abby offers. "A couple hours saving lives and you're back on the streets." Luka complains that he feels like crap. "You don't look so good, either," she giggles. "Thanks a lot," he grins, and oh, hello, teeth. I'd like to suck on you.

Abby and Luka watch the ambulance arrive; a medic unloads COA, announcing that he was sideswiped by a bus while seemingly fleeing from somebody. Luka notices that the man's last name is Croatian, and speaks in his native tongue. The man responds. "He doesn't want the police," translates Luka. As they cart him inside, Abby laughingly warns him to flee before he gets sucked back inside, but Luka wonders if he should stay in case COA needs a translator. Abby insists that they're fine, and heads back inside. Luka turns and begins trudging home, but then he's seized by compassion -- or possibly the reality that he's got little better to do, since he's so lonely -- and he turns back around to go inside. It's the decision that he should never have made. We fade to black thinking that the eerie music they're using sounds an awful lot like the woman who played a metal coat-hanger with a violin bow on Sesame Street that one time.

The Flash Of Where The Hell Has Carter Been? Everyone's unpacking Christmas decorations in the hospital. "What time did Luka say he was coming in?" Weaver screeches at Abby. "He didn't," Abby replies. John "The Whitest Christmas" Carter appears, his hair all boyish and kinda cute. "You sure you don't want to meet me in Boston?" he asks. Abby insists that he needs quality time with his father. Just then, Luka enters; Weaver promises him that she'll only need him for two or three hours to get them through the rough patches. Erin enters from the opposite door, and tellingly looks down, flushed, when she sees Luka. "Kovac and Harkins," Yosh gossips to Abby and Chuny. "I don't think so," Abby shakes her head. "Sure looks that way," Frank says. Chuny registers nothing on her face, which is weird considering she's boffed Luka. "She's not like that," insists a sweetly gallant Gallant. Abby and Yosh swap amused glances at his defense of Erin. Yeah, she and Gallant are going to shag. That's got to be where the trail of anvils is leading. And no, I don't read the spoilers -- I just check to make sure the thread is on-topic -- so I don't know whereof I speak. I'm just guessing. Because I've watched television before.

Carter hands off his patients to Luka, who looks absolutely terrible. My stomach's churning just staring at him, although it could be from the raging hormones he incites. "Serves you right for being a party animal," Carter grins. "Thanks for coming in." Luka smiles, "Not my choice." Carter almost exits, then turns and says offhandedly that there's one more patient he can see -- a college kid named Rick who looks like he's got influenza. "But check it out," Carter requests. He then exposits, because for some reason Luka asks, that it's his father's first Christmas alone, so he promised they'd spend it together. Luka morosely watches Abby walk Carter to the door and give him a perfunctory kiss goodbye. It bothers him. And me. I want to rip off the legs of the triangle and feed them to Frank. Suddenly, Rick appears behind Luka. "You taking over now?" he asks. "Because I feel much better, so I think I'm going to tough it out." Luka appraises him and then tells him to stick around until they're sure. "We'll get to you soon," he promises as his trousers spontaneously combust.

The Flash of The Part That Made The Episode Promos Look More Interesting. Frank's now holding his Santa suit. That's awesome! See how we went back from Frank in the suit to Frank holding the suit? I knew it all began that way! "I don't know if you're the Santa type," Abby muses. "What, too sexy?" Frank barks. Weaver appears long enough to run down how busy the ER is today, and to remind us that yes, her hair is the worse for the Weavus. She wants Carter to stick around. "He's catching a plane," Abby says. Weaver has an admin meeting, so she can't stay; she wants Abby to call Luka. "Not a good idea," Abby warns her. "Call him," Weaver insists. Abby lies that he seemed to be coming down with something. At first I thought she was stupid for not saying flat out that Luka was wasted the night before, but I suspect she was being political because Weaver probably wasn't invited to Susan's little shindig.

Luka's phone rings. A wet-haired Erin ducks out from the bathroom in a black bra and black pants, and proceeds to slip into her light-colored shirt. Over her black bra. Black bra, light shirt. Does she not see a problem with this? Hurriedly, she grabs the phone. "Hello?" she whispers. On the other end, Abby jerks upright and asks for Luka with an amused scowl on her face. "Yeah, uh, he's asleep," Erin says quietly. "Who's this?" Abby asks, curiously. Erin winces, panicked. "Just a sec," she whispers desperately, poking Luka awake and rolling him over. Luka visibly shrivels inside himself and tries to cover his eyes. He then blinks hard and stares at her, as if trying to recognize her and then figure out why the hell she's in his bedroom with a black bra on under a light-colored shirt. Then Luka rubs his eyes and stares at the phone like it's a foreign and unwelcome object, because he's Unfrozen Caveman Boozehound. "Yeah," he grunts into the receiver. "Who was that?" Abby needles him. Luka again peeks at Erin as if he's forgotten who she is. Abby fills the silence by sharing that Weaver wants him right there, right now. "I'm off," he croaks. "I know. We're swamped," Abby apologizes. "Just a couple hours." A passing Weaver snaps, "I didn't promise that." Luka refuses to come in, so Weaver grabs the phone. "Get your ass in here!" she shouts, tossing the phone back to Abby when she's done. Hee. She's sassy and evil. "Sorry," Abby whispers to Luka. He sighs heavily and hangs up on her, letting his arm and the phone drop limply onto the bed. "Shouldn't have answered that, right?" Erin says guiltily.

The Flash of Since When Are Pratt and Chen Official? Susan's party. Most of the good-times gang is hanging out in what we presume is Susan's living room, despite the fact that it doesn't seem to resemble the apartment we've seen in the past. The hostess has just opened a packet of edible undies, and is claiming she doesn't understand them. Apparently, she's dumber than a candle. Someone hands Carter his gift; it's a pair of handcuffs. Oh, ew. Don't want to imagine him and Abby playing naughty cop/filthy hooker. Chen and Pratt laugh while Pratt rubs her back with his left hand. Wha? Are they out of the closet? More importantly, have they even spoken to each other since she nearly rode his lap all the way home? What the hell is wrong with this show?

Abby is last to go, of course, because she's the Princess of Everything. She opens her gift with an incredibly rude bored expression and brandishes a snow globe, which she proceeds to look at as though it's a testicle on a stick. She's awful. Please, guys, don't give her anything ever again. No one cops to giving it to her, though, and Pratt rubs Chen some more. Abby and Carter rise to leave because he has to work the morning, and she has an emotionally ambiguous scene to play out. After some gracious ribbing, everyone wishes them a merry Christmas.

Abby roots through the bedroom coat pile; Luka appears in the doorframe behind her. He twirls fuzzy dice around his finger, an apparent Secret Santa gift. "What'd you get?" he asks. She hands him the snow globe, by which I mean she slaps it into his palm really brattily, as if to say, "Look at this piece of crap." Luka smiles slightly and tips it over, turning the crank on the bottom. It's a musical snow globe that plays "Greensleeves." He's totally the one who bought it for her. He wants to turn her crank the way he tweaked the music box. That's hot. Abby regards him curiously. "You all right?" she asks. "We don't talk much anymore," he says huskily. "I don't know what to say." Abby stares at him for a second, then smiles briskly. "We should fix that," she suggests. Turning back to the bed, she prattles on about how they should grab coffee or dinner. "Carter orders up a mean pizza," she jokes, and then she freezes, because Luka has tenderly reached out and started stroking her upper arm with the backs of his fingers. He looks almost hypnotized, as if he's in a trance and can't help himself. She stiffens. I'll wager he does too. I'm not sure how she can stay frozen when he's so scorching hot. Brooding Luka smolders. "I miss you, Abby," Luka murmurs. Her eyes dart around for a second, then she turns. "I'm going to take a wild guess here: You've been drinking," she says. He shrugs. "So?" he asks. "So maybe we should talk about this some other time," she hedges. "You don't look happy," he replies bluntly. Abby, taken aback, sputters defensively that she is indeed happy. Luka hurriedly insists that he's glad, because he wants her to be. "I'm just saying, if you're not..." he trails off. "I should go," Abby blurts, grabbing back her Snow Globe of Repressed Lust. "I made mistakes. A lot. A lot of mistakes," Luka stammers desperately. "Don't make another one," she says lightly. Right back at you, Abby. As Luka gazes emptily at her, Carter enters the room to break up the moment. "Luka, you're missing all the fun," he says. "You should stay," Luka says. "Gotta go," Carter replies swiftly. He doesn't seem suspicious of anything. They ask if Luka's on tomorrow, and the answer is no. "Lucky you," Carter smiles. "Lucky for the patients," Luka says. Foreshadowing stops doing backflips and vomits on my shoes. As Abby exits, she turns to check out her sad sack ex-boyfriend one last time. "Merry Christmas," she says. "Yeah," he replies softly. "Merry Christmas." He wanders back to the coat pile and knocks back a drink.

Erin staggers into the doorway with a toothy grin and pleads with Luka to come hang out with the rest of the horny drunk staffers and dance. "Luka don't dance," he slurs with a sexy laugh. "Come on, show me some of those Croatian moves," Erin says, acting hammered and flirty, leaning against the doorframe and staring at him alluringly. Luka watches her. "In a minute," he finally says. Erin's all, Sure, fine, I can wait for sausage. She hugs the doorframe for an extra second before trotting out into Susan's living room. Right now, Luka must be kicking himself for all those dollars he blew on hookers when nubile med students are both free and easy.

A door slams. Erin helps Luka into his apartment. "Where's the bedroom at?" she asks, butchering the language heartlessly. "You go too fast," giggles Luka, slumping against a table. "Let's talk sweet nothings first." Oh, yeah, baby. God, I'm easy. Erin shakes her head. "You need sleep," she says, approaching him with a grin. "Erin," Luka says sweetly. "You're a very pretty girl." He reaches out and tugs on her scarf, then lets his hands linger there, and if I was Erin, I'd be a giant puddle on the floor right now. Their eyes connect, hers with a gleam of excitement and his with a gleam of horniness. He inches toward her, but she moves too, if only a fraction of how far he leans. She's definitely into it. They kiss for a few seconds, but it's tongueless and there's not much spark to it. But it still blows away the infamous "Lockdown" débacle. They break apart, and Erin peers at him with a teasing expression. "You know, if you're trying to seduce me, this is a very unconventional approach," she says. "You're supposed to get the girl drunk." Luka, with a wide, drink smile, says he thought she was drunk. His arms are hooked around her neck. Erin shakes her head. Which is either bull or bad acting, because Leslie Bibb sure played it like Erin was drunk at Susan's party. "The bedroom," Erin insists. Luka laughs. "I think it's up there," he says, his head lolling to one side.

Upstairs, Erin flips on the lights and leads Luka to the bed. He asks if she'll stay there, and Erin replies that she will -- on the couch. "There's more room in the bed," he slurs. "There always is," Erin sighs. She crouches at his feet and unties his shoes while Luka stares at her thoughtfully. We hear one more time that Luka's not working tomorrow, just in case the mailman got bogged down in holiday postal traffic, thus preventing us from getting it. "Why do you want to be a doctor?" he asks, softly. Erin shrugs. "Good at science?" she suggests. That's so the answer I expect from her -- no passion, just matter-of-fact. "I became a doctor to take care of people. Heal them," Luka says, swaying and dropping back onto the bed. Erin tucks him under a blanket. "You do, every day," she coos. "But strangers, only strangers," Luka mumbles. "And not tomorrow."

The Flash of The Day Luka Saved Nobody But the Hockey Girl We've Already Forgotten. The ER doctors work frantically on Erin and page a trauma surgeon. Gallant asks Luka what happened. "She needed a ride home," he says emptily, fixing a penetrating gaze on Erin's broken body. We fade to black.