Previously on ER: Tom Everett Scott and Don Cheadle got some fat, fat checks. Congrats, boys! TES guest-starred as Abby's brother, and Cheadle appeared as a med student (Dr. Nathan) with Parkinson's Disease. This previously-on makes no mention of how Elizabeth has been chilly to him, but I'll mention it because that's the kind of loving recapper I am. And, thanks again to Kim for her excellent recap last week; I owe her one. Or maybe even two. Cheers, Kim!
A balding, sickly man with tubes in his nose lies in his hospital bed trying to come to terms with having cancer. "How much can you take out?" he croaks. The camera pulls back slowly; we hear the voice of Dr. Elizabeth "Cold as Ice" Corday giving him a brutally honest diagnosis -- he's got a nasty collection of abdominal lesions, and things don't look good. Sickly Man begs her to consider taking out whatever she can, but she coldly says that surgery won't help, and refers him to an oncologist. Sickly Man is stunned that she thinks he won't survive. Elizabeth doesn't care. "Tell me, do I have a chance, or don't I?" he begs her desperately. "There's always a chance," she sighs unconvincingly. Sickly Man presses on, asking for a prognosis. At this point, I think he just wants her to act like she's something other than bored. She barks out that he's got a less than 10% chance of surviving five years, even if he undergoes chemo. Sickly Man wants the worst-case scenario, but Elizabeth bolts, calling over her shoulder that she'll send in an oncologist. For a fleeting moment, we see her face, and it's contorted with discomfort, perhaps because Dying Balding Sickly Man reminds her of having been married to Mark.
At the surgical floor's main desk, Dr. Robert "Army of One" Romano roars through the phone at his insurance company. He's complaining because they are giving him grief about the amount of therapy he needs to recover. "I had my arm sliced off," he shouts. "What do I have to do to get full therapy, have a pack of wolves come chew my leg off, too?" Well, the cast of Wolf Lake sure isn't busy, so maybe we can make that a reality. He rants that everyone who's anyone at County -- including him -- knows he needs five days a week of therapy, at a minimum, to regain occupational use of his arm. Pause. "It's not disability, you gnat, I'm still working," spits Romano. Pause. "Hello?" he grunts. The insurance company hung up on him. Romano winces and then notices Elizabeth. He asks about Sickly Man. "I told him," she says. "You were in there for all of ninety seconds," Romano says, surprised, and clearly realizing that when Mark died, his cranky bedside manner was resurrected in the widow Greene. "I'm gonna have to get you your own complaint box," he notes, but he's referring to Dr. Nathan -- "the martini shaker" -- and his complaints about Elizabeth's refusal to put him on call. "He has Parkinson's Disease," Elizabeth exposits. "Hence 'martini shaker,'" Romano sighs. "Come on, Lizzie, work with me." Elizabeth argues that sleep deprivation and stress exacerbate the symptoms of Parkinson's disease. They also fuck up people without Parkinson's Disease, though, so whatever, Liz. Romano points out that it's unfair to ask the other students to shoulder Nathan's load. Elizabeth refuses to put him on a thirty-six-hour call. "It's bad enough that he has to treat patients," she snarks. I hate Elizabeth. Why does she have to be an asshole? Is it because she's British? Man, this show's always trying to keep the Brits down. Romano stares at her. "I know, you have something against doctors with disabilities!" he says sarcastically. "Only on a case-by-case basis," she smirks at him. Romano insists that she put Nathan on rotation to avoid a lawsuit. "And you care nothing about Mr. Nathan?" she asks. Romano's all, the who and the what now? "My student," Elizabeth reminds him. Romano shrugs. "This place is littered with masochists," he says. "Just make sure he doesn't kill anyone."
Abby "Sally Field Returns Week to ER" Lockhart is working with Erin "Leslie Bibb" Harkins on a young girl named Sarah, fourteen, who was found unconscious on the El. "Just let me sleep," Sarah mutters, barely conscious. "I don't see signs of trauma," Erin decides. "Abby, do you..." Abby curtly interrupts to say that Erin should order a head CT just to be sure. Then Abby leans into Sarah and, to best protect patient privacy, she shouts, "SARAH, ARE YOU ON DRUGS?" Sarah mutters, "Not drugs." Erin brightly orders a tox screen for proof. Jerry passes and tells Abby that her meeting has been pushed back. Abby is clueless. "The one with HR -- you know, the nurses' petition," Jerry tosses over his shoulder. Abby gapes at him in shock. Ah, a swinging jaw -- the sign of a brilliant and concerned nurse manager.
Then, Abby bumps into Eric at the desk, and based on his giddy babbling, he clearly hasn't chosen this week to quit sniffing glue. Before she can interject a word, Eric exposits that although he came to Chicago to see her, he didn't come to the hospital on purpose, but Jody got sick, and the words, they are tumbling from his mouth, and could someone please turn him off. Abby's like, Wha? The who and the what now? I think "The Who and the What Now?" should be the title of this episode. "Oh, my girlfriend," Eric says, gesturing casually toward Jody. This stuns Abby. Eric shares that they've been dating a few weeks, but some bad shrimp they ate in Biloxi are cramping Jody's style. And abdomen. "Biloxi?" Abby murmurs. "Yeah, I rented a Cessna for a couple days," he shrugs. Abby digests all this about as well as Jody digested her funny shrimp. With a huge grin, Eric introduces Jody -- his toothy brunette -- to his "big sister Abby." Jody grins. "You're kind of little to be a big sister," she says stupidly. Abby's like, Holy shit, my brother's boffing a moron. Abby swallows her objections and politely begins to ask what the problem is, but Jody vomits on the floor before the question gets out. We head into the credits wondering why vomit is the only constant on this show.
Dr. Jing-Mei "Deb" Chen wheels in a charming man sporting a confederate-flag bandanna and three gunshot wounds. Sadly, the bullets haven't plugged his mouth. "Right, mama-san, I'm bulletproof," Dixie whistles rudely. Chen twitches and says nothing. Dix wants a nurse to sit on his face. Oh, Dix, I'm sorry. With this hospital's record for quality patient care, you're never going to get any bonus cha-cha. Sorry. "Up for a lap dance, Malik?" Chen smirks. "Stay away from me, you chocolate homo," Dix snarls. "How'd you know my stage name?" Malik says glibly. Chen yells for Abby's help.
"I'll be right there," Abby says to Chen, turning back to Eric first. Apparently, Jody works at the base's bookstore. "She's smart, funny...when she's not throwing up," Eric notes. Sweet that he pretends that funny shrimp isn't the only amusing thing to burst forth from Jody's lips, but I think we all know he's full of it. Abby draws out that Jody's almost twenty-one. "She's trying to be a writer and hasn't been discovered yet and she's good," Eric babbles with the air of a man who's never read a word from his girlfriend's pen because he's really only worried about how she handles his. "And you can afford a plane?" Abby asks. Eric reminds her that he's renting it. He's trying way too hard to be blasé. Abby worries that he doesn't have enough dosh to afford all this; Eric changes the subject and asks if this is a bad time. Abby insists it isn't, but dashes off into Trauma Yellow...
...where she encounters Dix, Lizzie, Chen, and Malik. "I want the American doctor," Dix barks. "Chen is the American doctor," Lizzie says coldly. As they prep a chest tube, Erin bursts in, panicking that she's lost Sarah. "Me love you long time," sing-songs Dix to Chen, who glares a fourth bullet right up his nostril. "Careful -- she's the one with the big needle," Elizabeth snarks. Abby waves off Erin irritatedly, saying they can't very well stop treating Dix to help her find a lost patient. Chen's in with the needle; Dix's pulse returns. "Niiiice needle," Lizzie says. Ew. Nathan interrupts, in need of Lizzie's help elsewhere; she leaves as Chen wonders whether they can crack Dix's chest just for sport.
A haggard, wheezing girl is struggling for life in Trauma Green. Dr. John "Love 'Em And They Leave Me" Carter is treating her with Haleh. Apparently, the girl, Alison, fell down at a crosswalk. As Nathan observes, Elizabeth deduces from Alison's scars that she's had lung-volume reduction surgery and a liver transplant. Then, Carter makes them shut up so he can listen for a sound in her breathing; whatever it is, it's "so faint," according to Lizzie, but my closed-captions aren't working and so I can't decipher the medical hoo-ha pouring forth from Carter Fountain. Oops. Elizabeth pauses and reprimands Nathan for going over her head to Romano with his concerns. "I've told you my concerns," he says plainly. She wants him to go through the proper channels. "I'll certainly try," he says, again in a flat tone.
Back to Alison, who reminds us of her presence by breathing like Darth Vader. Carter asks if she's got emphysema; she doesn't. She's got a genetic condition called alpha-one trypsin deficiency, and fortunately, Elizabeth makes Nathan give us all the bullet on this one: it's a condition that basically leads to cirrhosis of the liver and erosion of the lung surface, so Alison has the lungs of an eighty-year-old smoker. Elizabeth glances pointedly at Nathan, so that he'll finish the diagnosis. Taking a deep breath, Nathan intones, "She's drowning in her own mucus." Tasty. Carter wants to tube her, but Alison frantically waves that off. Nathan suggests a pressure mask, and Carter and Haleh shoot each other "that guest-star's got moxie" looks as they acknowledge that this might just be crazy enough to work. "Good call," Elizabeth says curtly.
Trauma Yellow. Haleh wanders in, and Abby casually asks if she knows anything about this crazy petition. "Yeah, we all signed it," Haleh says. "Not me," points out Malik. Dr. Greg "Big Fat" Pratt bursts in, complaining that no one called him to help on something as sexy as a triple gunshot wound. "You are such a trauma queen," Chen giggles, as if she's the first person to make that joke in all the land. Malik shares with Abby that the petition is about Luka, and that the nurses figured Abby wouldn't do anything about him herself because of...and here, he trails off, leaving unsaid that Abby and Luka used to do the bedsheet waltz. Suddenly, Dix stirs and notices a chest tube protruding from the tattoo on his pasty, flabby chest. "You cut up Denise," he snarls at Chen. "That was my wife, you gook bitch." He lunges up at Chen, so everyone hurriedly wheels him away from her, with Pratt staying behind and shouting something macho at Dix's vanishing gurney. "You okay?" Pratt asks Chen softly. She tosses her chart aside. "I'm fine," she lies curtly, leaving.
Elizabeth, Nathan, and Carter are still with Alison; Dr. Michael "Blink and You Miss Him" Gallant pokes his head through the door and summons Lizzie to Curtain Three. Nathan pipes up that he'd like to be responsible for following through Alison's evaluation for a heart and lung transplant. "Complete discharge summaries and review all ER charts for possible surgical consults," Elizabeth barks at him. "Can I go to the ball after that?" Nathan asks coolly. "There's an M&M at three. Don't be late," Elizabeth snaps, leaving in a dramatic whoosh of her own bitchery. Carter clears his throat and shoots a look of pity at Nathan. "She's a good teacher," he offers half-heartedly. "That's what they keep telling me," Nathan says dryly.
Jody is feeling better. Abby pretends to care. "Where's Eric?" Abby asks. Jody says he's outside having a smoke, which stuns Abby. "I keep telling him to quit," Jody says, speaking of her relationship's rich three-week history and all the texture therein. "Maybe he'll listen to his sister, especially since you're a nurse..." But Abby has caught sight of Luka "Love 'Em and Leave 'Em" Kovac , which gives her something better to do than talk to the schnozz queen over here -- seriously, Jody's endowed in that area -- and so she abruptly excuses herself to chase after Croatia's hottest son.
"I'm being sent to the principal's office because of you," Abby notes. Luka doesn't understand. "I don't know, you pissed off a bunch of nurses this time," she says. Comprehension still hasn't taken up residence in Luka's pretty, pretty head, so Abby adds that she thinks they find his attitude problematic. "I have a good attitude," Luka insists, trying to sound all bright and cheerful and even laughing at his own pathetic effort. Abby rolls her eyes. "I do," he lies through a smile. Erin interrupts, still panicking because she can't find Sarah. Abby brushes off Erin like pesky lint and trots outside to find Eric.
A skater dude named Darius is coming off an ambulance. Susan is tending to his leg; he was hit by a car. "Have you seen Eric?" Abby asks. Susan points to a newsstand -- he wanted cigarettes, and she wanted him to buy her a lottery ticket. "It's $87 million," she shrugs. "You realize you have a better chance of being hit by a car," Abby offers. Darius glares at her. "Is that supposed to be funny?" he sneers. Darius and my inner critic should get together for beer and bowling.
Abby makes her way to Eric, who's lighting up a smoke just as she arrives. He's also purchasing a copy of The National Enquirer, because Jody's enquiring mind wants to know. Abby scolds him for smoking, but the best reason she can think of to mock the habit -- being a puffer herself -- is, "No one starts over the age of twenty-five." Eric smiles. "I'm a late bloomer," he says. "You smoked since you were, what, eight?" Abby pretends to be amused, then tells him that Jody seems to be feeling better. "She's not pregnant," Abby adds, pointedly. "Was that a possibility?" Eric asks densely. "You tell me," Abby mothers. They have an irritating exchange about what Eric would've done if Jody was pregnant, ending with his basically telling Abby to stop fussing about his sex life. But Abby thinks the whole scenario smells, and not just because she hasn't washed the puke off her hospital clogs. She's freaked out that Eric showed up randomly with a strange girlfriend who could've been pregnant -- "But isn't," Eric interjects -- and having taken weeks of leave to fly around like lovebirds in an expensive rented plane. "I forgot, you're a financial wizard," Eric brats. "Don't mock me," Abby scolds. "I'm not the one who's..." "In love?" Eric finishes. Oh, puke. Except Jody already did that. Abby can't believe her ears. "Is that such a bad thing?" he defends himself. An old man on the El forces an end to this scene by screaming and waving his hands, like some sort of crusty, gesticulating angel. Abby sends Eric running for a gurney and trots up to find Sarah, Erin's missing patient, passed out on her back on the stairs. She's unconscious. "She might wake up if I kissed her," the old man offers quite sincerely. And that kiss, crusty and illicit though it would be, might have more chemistry than any other love relationship on this improbably spark-free show.
Carter enters to check on Alison. "She wants her mask off," Nathan says. Carter obliges. "Did you call my dad?" Alison Vaders. Nathan says he left a message. At Carter's behest, Alison horks that she's off her medication because she had an allergic reaction to it. "You have pneumonia," Carter explains. "Fifth time this year," Alison wheezes. "New record." Carter offers her antibiotics to clear it up, but Alison fixes him with a plaintive stare and says simply, "I want to sign a DNR." Nathan looks wounded. "My liver's sick, my lungs are shredded," she explains. "Don't take it personally -- I just don't want any more help. I'm ready to die." Nathan subtly bristles at this, and we fade to black wishing Don Cheadle could stay forever and ever.
Elizabeth and Luka examine a twitching Sarah. Lizzie finds a huge scalp laceration that goes straight to the bone; Erin and Abby fill her in on the case's particulars, including that Sarah may have ingested drugs. "Possible brain bleed," Elizabeth gripes. "I just don't understand these girls who take any pill handed to them at a party." Like, say, your stepdaughter. Carter peeks in and asks Elizabeth to witness Alison's DNR; Corday can't be bothered to answer him, so Luka offers to do it while Elizabeth lets Erin intubate. As she encouragingly coaches Erin through the procedure, we see Nathan watching through the glass trauma-room doors. "Excellent," Elizabeth praises Erin, whose grin is as pronounced as Nathan's disappointment.
Jerry offers Abby a two-dollar lottery ticket. "They're a buck across the street," Abby smirks. Jerry grins that those tickets don't have the added bonus of Jerry's patented number-selection system, which, given that he's still playing the lottery, obviously hasn't met with much success yet. As Abby smiles after Jerry, she catches sight of Eric and Jody playing a spirited game of "Tonsil, tonsil, who's got the tonsil?" They are both winning. Or losing, as the case may be. Carter notices them, too, en route to joining Abby at Reception. "Looks like she's feeling better," he giggles. He ribs her about Jody being "almost twenty-one." Abby groans. "He thinks he's in love," she sighs. "Can't have enough love in the world," Carter deadpans. Abby isn't having it. She's humorless. She's bottle-blond, overtanned, and devoid of laughs. Triple whammy. She complains again that Eric just met Jody, because it evidently displeases her that Eric's acting happy and schmoopy. Look, honey, just because you can barely stand to open your lips for your boyfriend doesn't mean other people aren't enjoying the tongue tango, okay?
A cop escorts his partner inside; she's cradling her hand, which was shredded on the glass of her shot-out car window. "She keeps saying it's no big deal," her partner complains. The female cop clutches it good-naturedly and tries not to look alarmed. That's exactly the opposite of how I'd behave. I can't cut my hair without wincing. When I cut myself shaving? Forget it, just put me in the freaking casket. And here's Officer Bravado, whose hand is slashed wide open, and she's all, "Whatever, I'll just take a number and sit here counting my tendons." They should call for a Psych consult. Abby starts to examine it, but Jerry yells that she's late for her meeting with Romano, Weaver, and the nurse director, so she fobs it off on Nathan. Yay! Work it, Nathan, you saucy student you.
Alison's father -- a burly bandanna-and-goatee-clad trucker-looking dude who's kind of a less pasty and fat, less drunk, and less personally offensive version of Dix -- learns from Carter that his daughter collapsed, has pneumonia, is rejecting her liver, declined a ventilator, and signed a DNR. And also, she's probably going to be sued by Lucasfilm. This is not a good day for Daddy. "She's just depressed," he rationalizes. "She gets that way. Let me talk to her." Carter isn't so sure that will make a difference. He thinks she wants to die. "She's just a kid," Big Daddy says. "She's twenty-six," notes Carter. "She just gets tired," Big Daddy whimpers. "She's dying," Carter counters. "We're all dying," Big Daddy offers. "Not like that," Carter argues. Come on, boys, on three -- whose is bigger? Carter reminds Big Daddy that his daughter is in tremendous pain that won't abate, especially since she's stopped taking the anti-rejection medicine. "Catch her up," growls Big Daddy. "Won't work," Carter says. Basically, they do another point-counterpoint wherein Carter dashes all of Big Daddy's insistences that Alison can be saved. Big Daddy doesn't find this charming. The Sad Piano of Growing a Spine In the Face of Death plays as Big Daddy growls, "If you don't want to fight for her, I'll find a doctor who will." He goes inside and strokes Alison's cheek as Carter watches and wishes he could grow manly chin hair like Big Daddy's.
Elizabeth breathes down Nathan's neck while he stitches up Officer Bravado's torn hand. "If you can, use your pinky to steady your hand," Elizabeth mutters, except I didn't see his hands trembling, but okay. Nathan works steadily, kicking all kinds of hand-stitchery ass. Officer Bravado is finally showing some nerves, acting a little jumpy and as if she's in shock. Nathan consoles her. Elizabeth looks bored. I think human emotion puts her right to sleep. "I'm scared every day," Bravado admits. "If it's not what you were expecting, there's no shame in exploring other options," Elizabeth says, addressing Bravado but pointedly staring down at Nathan. What a raging harpy. Before Nathan can slap Elizabeth with the half-open oozing palm he's knotting together, she answers Erin's call about Sarah. "I'll be back to check the sutures," she says coolly, leaving. Nathan considers this, then leaves Bravado with her gaping wound and trots after Hurricane Bitchmaggot.
"Don't you think that officer is possibly suffering from post-traumatic stress?" Nathan shouts to Elizabeth. She barely registers. "Yeah, call a social worker," she replies. Nathan stops, disgusted, and snarks that he's so silly for thinking it was a doctor's job to take care of patients. "If you insist on being in a surgery rotation, than act like a surgeon," Elizabeth spits while Erin pretends not to listen and love it. "Act like I don't give a damn -- got it," nods Nathan, turning on his heel. Go Nathan! Apparently, I'm that easy. If you want to win me over, insult Elizabeth and be Don Cheadle. "That woman's hand is still bleeding and in need of suture -- that's how you can help her," Elizabeth shouts.
Erin whispers excitedly to Elizabeth that she thought to check for a drug in Sarah's system that wouldn't have shown up on a tox screen: Special K. I'm sure the good people at Kellogg's are delighted that there's a drug named after one of its flagship good-health cereals. Erin PSAs that Special K is frequently used as a date-rape drug, but can be recreational as well. Elizabeth furrows her brow. Or she's smiling; who can say.
Abby quietly slips into a conference room, where the nursing director is telling Kerry that she's basically allowed Luka's attitude to proliferate, or something. I don't know. We join it in the middle of a thought. Abby slinks into a seat. "You have anything monosyllabic you'd care to add, apart from apologizing for being late?" Romano asks her. Abby stirs uncomfortably. "Sorry?" she attempts. "That's two syllables," sighs Romano. The nursing director wants Luka suspended, pending a full investigation of every doctor in the ER. Abby snorts at this. "It's true we get no respect, but this is one complaint filed by one nurse against one doctor that she...knew," Abby finishes lamely. Romano cocks an eyebrow. "Nothing," Abby amends. "She just...doesn't like him any more." Romano wipes his mouth knowingly. Only Paul McCrane could turn stage business into something meaningful. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I love him and I want to pet his shiny bald pate. "I have a petition signed by every nurse in the department," the director says importantly. "All of whom are tired, overworked, underpaid, and pissed off," Abby retorts. The nurse director points out that, apart from all the men, Abby's the only one who hasn't signed the petition. "Apparently, your relationship with Dr. Kovac ended better than Nurse Chuny's," sasses the director. Abby's all, Oh no you DI-INT! This whole petition is bullshit, if they're all basically admitting that it's nothing more than sour grapes on Chuny's part. I guess Luka's slept with three nurses now, including Abby, but it's hardly a reason for them all to gang up on him, unless they're angry that he's not spreading the hot oblong wealth. Romano chews his food, amused. "So it's true!" he shouts, triumphant. "You're all suckers for the accent." Look who's talking, Rocket. Kerry reprimands him. Romano groans and leans forward, laying down the bottom line: It's going to be handled by committee in three weeks, anyway, "so until then, how do we untwist their panties?" he asks. "With Luka's teeth," I drool.
Nathan chats with Alison at her bedside, a bouquet of flowers on her lap. Nathan bought them for her in the gift shop, which he downplays by claiming they were a day old. Way to undermine your own suavitude, Nathan, even if it is slightly inappropriate. Okay, wildly inappropriate. Carter enters Trauma Green, amused. Alison asks if her father stepped outside. Carter nods. "Is he walking in circles?" she asks. Carter nods again. "He did that a lot when Mom died," Alison sighs. "He's in denial. He thinks there's actually hope." Nathan swallows hard. "So do I," he says. Alison gazes confusedly at him while Carter gnaws on his lip.
Abby bolts off the elevator and rockets through the ER in search of Luka. Eric intercepts her, ignoring that she's clearly en route somewhere, and babbles that Jody is much better. "John was great with her," he praises. "Who?" Abby squints, staring right past him as Weaver catches up to Luka and takes him into a private meeting. "Your boyfriend, John Carter," Eric prods. Abby nods. "Carter," she repeats. At first, I thought this was kind of assy, but they were friends first and she's always called him "Carter," so I can actually kind of see why it would be weird for her to break the habit. My roommate called me "HAC" so often that when her parents asked how "Heather" was, she was like -- yep, you guessed it -- "The who and the what now?" Eric changes tacks, asking Abby for her apartment keys so that he and Jody can stay with her, by which he means, go home and screw. Abby's too distracted to give a clever answer. "We'll grab a hotel if it's going to be a hassle," he offers. Abby stares at Luka and Weaver a second longer, then shakes it off and agrees to put them up. Eric stares at her; again, her attention is drawn to Luka, whose confab with Kerry is over. Abby looks worried. I'm not reading anything into this, really, except that she wanted to get there first; part of me wonders if Maura Tierney is resisting the Bermuda Triangle and is trying to steer Abby away from romantic twinges. Whatever. It just feels like friendly concern. Eric stares at her expectantly. "The keys," he prompts her. "The keys! They're in my locker," Abby snaps awake, trotting off to the lounge.
Weaver asks Elizabeth to perform Sarah's rape exam. "She's an ER case," crabs Elizabeth. "Well, at the moment, I'm down an ER Attending," Kerry bitches. The Swift Cane of Justice has spoken.
Luka is in the lounge, removing his lab coat, and yeah, that's all he does remove, dammit. "Sorry," Abby blurts, bursting into the room. "I tried to get to you first. What did she say?" Luka shrugs that he's suspended pending an investigation. "Guess the nurses don't like me," he grins boyishly. Abby apologizes to him. Apparently, it's somehow her fault that he's boffing his colleagues and calling people Nazi nurses. Right. Good one. "It's fine -- I'm not too crazy about them, either," Luka says. Abby lamely tries to spin it in his favor, plugging the happy amount of free time he'll have, and Luka just smiles at her. "Thanks for the heads-up," he says cheerfully, leaving. Abby pouts a little. And suddenly, we see blackness; either it's a commercial break, or it's the first symptom of death by Bermuda Triangle drowning.
Elizabeth and Abby supervise Erin as she checks Sarah for signs of sexual assault. "Are you sure this is the case she should be learning on?" Abby asks, skeptically. "The patient's unconscious," frosts Elizabeth. "You have stricter criteria?" Chuny enters to tell them the father's here. "Should I let him in?" she asks. "No," duhs Abby in the most wonderfully annoyed tone. Chuny sort of notices, but not totally overtly, and backs away. But seriously, when you're spelunking his daughter's cave, why would you offer the father an up-close view? Erin excitedly thinks she's identified the cervix. I'm pretty sure I never want to know what a cervix looks like. One check from Abby confirms the presence of semen. Elizabeth sighs and says they need consent for a full rape kit.
As she leaves Sarah's room, Elizabeth spies Nathan and Alison deep in conversation. "What, are they dating now?" she snipes to a nearby Carter. "I don't think he's going to make the best surgeon, but he seems to have a way with patients," Carter observes. "Maybe he could be a nursing liaison," Elizabeth smarms. Her shot would've been on-target if she'd fired it directly at Luka. Still, she looks awfully self-satisfied. Before Elizabeth can swallow the canary, though, Sarah's father arrives.
Chen studiously catches up on her paperwork. On his way out, Pratt spies her, and his Needy Chick radar goes berserk. "I thought you were off," he says. "I can't sleep knowing [the charts] are sitting here waiting for me," Chen answers, her eyes fixed on her work. "How come nobody told us being a doctor would be all about killing trees?" he grins. Chen refuses his offer of help, but when a patient starts shrieking, she looks tempted by his offer of beer. "We'll split a cab," Pratt offers. Chen, bless her desperate heart, regards him with real interest. My irises are throbbing.
Haleh hits the drug locker, where Abby is gathering supplies to deal with an incoming trauma -- turns out a car jumped a curb and ran into a line of people waiting to buy lottery tickets. "Where's all the Haldol?" Haleh muses. "Top drawer," Abby says. "Chuny forgot to restock." Haleh doesn't miss the thorny tone. "It's nothing personal, Abby," Haleh coos. "I like Kovac." Abby snorts. "He'll be back to work tomorrow," Haleh insists. "We have to do this every couple years to send a message." Oh, that's bullshit, and so unfair. This will go on Luka's record, and it's unkind to scapegoat him just because Chuny can't handle getting dumped. I mean, she slept with Mark. Does no one call her judgment into question? Abby is surprised that Haleh apparently didn't read the petition, but signed it anyway. Haleh doesn't think this is a big deal. "I've been doing this job for seventeen years, honey," she condescends. "Doctors come and go, but nurses make this place run. We don't get much credit or much pay...but we come back every day. I've given up on being appreciated, but I sure as hell won't let any of us be taken for granted." Is that really what this is about? Nurses being taken for granted? Or two nurses being taken by Luka? Whatever. I think the support and solidarity are lovely and all, but it's irresponsible of people like Haleh to besmirch someone's professional record without caring a whit about the facts or the rationale behind the charges. I think this speech was supposed to put Abby's head on straight -- and, yes, she's a shitty nurse manager, apparently -- but it just makes Haleh look like a twit.
Elizabeth barges into Trauma Green in the middle of one of Nathan's speeches to Alison. "I can't get to the bathroom," she points out. "Nobody said it would be easy, but you have a brain that works and a father who loves you," Nathan says. "Hold onto that. Hold onto that as long as you can, and who knows, anything could happen. A cure could happen." Elizabeth seems annoyed at Nathan's borderline proselytizing, and in a way, she has a point. "We need to move her," Elizabeth snaps. "We have multiple traumas coming in." Alison peers up at her. "He's cute, but annoying," she rasps. "Only because I'm right," Nathan says, spit-shining the halo he's perched so jauntily upon his noggin. Alison then tells a dumb story about how she so often dreams about the ocean -- except she's stuck at the bottom and can't swim up, and her lungs take in only water. She's a real upper. Fun at parties. "You do wake up, open your eyes, breathe," notes Nathan. "It's another day. That's because you're still alive. Your body knows it isn't over." Yeah, or it's a dream, and she wakes up from it because that's what people do when they dream. Nathan, I love you, man, but shut up.
Erin screams for Elizabeth: Sarah has awakened. We then cut inside her room, where a dazed Sarah's eyes dart to and fro while Elizabeth checks her out. "Do you know where you are?" she shouts. Sarah does what all sweet little angels should do when they've probably misbehaved. She bats her eyelashes and whimpers, "Daddy?" Of course, he melts. Someone's getting a car when she's sixteen. Sarah confusedly recalls being on the train with two friends going into the city. "We were laughing about something," she says. Then she fixes her eyes on her father, and they look totally guilty. "We were laughing," she says, a little firmer. Right. Or climaxing. Elizabeth bleats that they found drugs in Sarah's system. "No, I don't do drugs," she insists. Again, her black eyes find their way onto papa's. "Daddy, I don't do drugs," she wheedles. "I know, honey," he simpers. Elizabeth begins to tell her that they found traces of sexual activity on her body, but Sarah's father grabs her and pretty much drags her out of the room before she can finish her sentence.
Angrily, Sarah's father avers that he doesn't want her to know what happened to her. Elizabeth thinks that's messed up, given that she might be pregnant or infected with something, but the father swears he'll find a way to get her checked out without actually disclosing what happened. He wants to protect her after the fact. Elizabeth gets called away before she can snort in the man's face.
An old guy has something stuck in his forehead. I'm not sure what it is, but it looks the way recapping sometimes feels. "I'm in line," he moans. "I want to buy a ticket!" Elizabeth curses when she realizes the object is deeply embedded in his frontal lobe. Chuny ducks into the room and shouts for Abby, who completely ignores her. "Abby," Chuny shouts, perturbed. "Your brother's on the phone." So poor old Joe Head Injury loses a nurse as Abby punches up Eric on speakerphone. His urgent call? He needs to find the blender. He wants a milkshake. Abby rolls her eyes a tad and refers him to the appliance; Carter, as he keeps half an eye on work, pipes up to ask how Jody's feeling. Joe Head Injury is stuck with Elizabeth now. "She's better," Eric says happily, suggesting that the four of them double-date that night at Navy Pier and then go dancing. Abby flinches. "She looks excited," Carter teases. Stiffly, Elizabeth orders Abby to get off the phone. Finally, I agree with Elizabeth. I mean, Eric needed a blender so milk can do his body good. Joe Head Injury needs to rid himself of shard of plastic that's camping out in his brain and evicting a lot of the blood formerly residing there. Whose is the greater tragedy?
While Elizabeth wraps Joe's head injury and gets ready to ship the old coot up to the OR, Nathan enters to inform Carter that Alison wants to speak with him. "Is she moving air?" he asks. Nathan confirms that she is. Elizabeth wants to send her home with pills and a fresh tank of oxygen. "She's not ready to go," admits Nathan awkwardly. "She wants a consult with the transplant service." This tickles Carter's pissy bone, and he stalks out after Nathan.
"He did it," Big Daddy tells Carter. "He talked her into it." Nathan smiles beatifically and says that Alison merely needed to regain her strength in order to commune with her senses. "She signed a DNR," Carter gapes. "Unsign it, destroy it, I don't care!" Big Daddy insists. "She was upset for a few hours. That doesn't disqualify her from getting a liver, does it?" Carter shakes his head, but reminds Big Daddy that Alison is a lousy candidate. "She wants to keep fighting," avers Big Daddy. Carter's jaw tenses and he pulls Nathan aside so that they can toast his success with a freshly cracked can of whoop-ass.
"What are you doing?" hisses Carter at Nathan. "She didn't have all the facts," Nathan argues. Carter repeats that Alison's chances are incredibly slim, especially because keeping her alive long enough to receive a liver is going to be hard enough. "She's dying. Suffocating. That's her reality," Carter says. "She has a lot of realities," argues Nathan. "Stem-cell research is a reality." Carter's jaw drops, because Nathan just played his Fool card and Carter can't counter it because he left his Tarot deck in his other pants. "It's coming," Nathan swears, referring to stem-cell research, not anything to do with Carter's other pants. "Whether the government approves it or not, it's coming. It can be used to grow any tissue in the human body." Yeah, but...not right now, it can't, and Alison's not knocking on death's door -- she's halfway through it and getting a chain-lock installed. "What, you told her we could grow her new lungs?" Carter sputters. "She's got a genetic disease," Nathan notes. "Stem cells can fix the defect at the genetic level." Carter views him as if he's gone mad. "In fifty years," Carter says. "In five years," Nathan counters. "The science is there if we get past the politics." And it's unfair of him to pretend to a patient that getting past the politics will take anything less than a decade.
Carter is impatient with Nathan's idealism. "Do you know what it took her to face her mortality?" he asks. "I think I do," Nathan says, steely. "And how long it took me to convince her father to accept it," Carter adds. Nathan bristles that Carter's turning this into an issue of his time, rather than the patient's. Carter fires back that Nathan had no right to go in there pushing his agenda onto a patient whose insurance won't cover a prescription pair of rose-colored glasses. "The flowers were an interesting touch," Carter snipes. "Well, you gave her ten minutes," Nathan retorts. And here, I agree with Nathan. Carter went a little heavy on trying to convince the father that Alison had no hope, and he seemed a little too interested in rushing to that diagnosis, however dramatic her wheezing and complicated her history might have been.
Carter spits that Nathan should let Alison die with dignity. Nathan waxes rhapsodic about all the little embryos out there that could be harvested and used to cure life's little ailments. He lists a bunch. Carter interrupts, "Parkinson's Disease?" Nathan levels him for a second, then snaps, "Cured," with a curt nod. Carter realizes that Nathan is taking this case personally for a reason. It was the anvil on his toe that clued him in to this fact. "I know you need to believe that, and I'd love to believe in miracles, too, but she's dying," Carter says softly. "She's dying, Nathan, and the only question is, how well?" Nathan shakes his head slightly. "She's twenty-six years old," he rails. "There's no dying well. You're giving up." Disgusted, he turns and walks away, leaving Carter shaking his head in wonder. We fade to black humming that "The More You Know" jingle.
While Elizabeth treats a patient's leg, Carter whines to her about Nathan's impudence. "You were perfectly happy when he was babysitting your patient," Elizabeth notes acerbically. Hee. She's so right, too. "Because you won't deal with him," Carter points out. And, score one for the skinny kid. We're all tied. "If her mind is that easily changed, she obviously wasn't ready to sign the DNR," Elizabeth says. Carter frets that Nathan distorted reality in order to convince Alison to renege on her signature. "He obviously believes that reality," Elizabeth says. "He offered her hope. Is that so terrible?" Carter believes it is, in Alison's case. Carter asks Elizabeth to start supervising him, please. "I can't change the way he sees patients," she says, taking leave of him. "This is a teaching hospital," he grouses under his breath.
The lottery drawing. Can you stand it? It's so exciting. No wonder they changed the title of this episode -- they cut out almost all the lottery-related hijinks. I think that's for the best.
Carter heads into the lounge, where Abby's closing up her locker. "Better watch out -- they're choosing the mega-millionaire out there," Carter grins. "I thought you already won the lottery," she teases. "Oh, I did, when I met you," Carter deadpans. They chuckle. And don't touch. Abby complains mildly about Eric's hare-brained scheme about dancing outside in November in Chicago, then she slumps down on the couch. "I wish I could go be someplace quiet with him," she sighs. Carter misinterprets her reaction as aversion to Jody, and stops in his tracks when he realizes Abby is legitimately worried about Eric's behavior. "[He's] flighty, spontaneous..." she begins. "Happy?" Carter suggests, sitting to her. "Too happy," Abby corrects him. "No such thing," Carter says. "In my family, yes, there is," Abby frets. Carter considers her with concern, then holds out his hand in a jerky motion. She grabs it and they twine their fingers casually. It's actually the only really genuine gesture I've seen them make -- my ex-boyfriend and I have pretty much mirrored it, right down to the way he proffered his hand sharply and she took it just as abruptly. Kinda eerie, actually. Except we actually, you know, enjoyed the contact. Abby lists aloud her concerns -- the smoking, the Cessna, the milkshakes -- and swears that her radar isn't overly sensitive. I'm not sure I agree. Smoking, sure. Rented planes? Stranger things have happened. But cravings for sweet, milky, chocolatey beverages that taste like liquid love? That's ten feet over the line. Abby immediately questions her snap judgment, and resorts to staring at the couch in total uncertainty. Carter scoots to his feet. "It's a double date," he says. "I think we can all afford to have some fun." Abby loops her hands around his neck. "Only if you don't make me dance," she grins. "I can't promise anything," he sighs. "Oh, you have commitment issues?" Abby teases. They kiss. It's not their worst, but yeesh, suck on those things like you love, her, okay, Carter?
Speaking of sucking, here come Pratt and Chen, frisky and repellent. He has apparently prescribed forty lashings with his tongue as salve for her wounded spirit. There's slurping. The audio guy should be strapped to a chair and forced to listen to the wet noises coming from those lip microphones; it's not human. They sound like two creatures of the sea engaging in some watery mating ceremony of the deep. With moaning. Oh, the moaning. I feel like Westley from The Princess Bride just fought me to the pain -- my eyes have dissolved in a fit of acidic rebellion, but the sounds of Chen and Pratt dry humping and groping each other will forever echo in my perfect ears. Chen rolls onto his lap and rips off her shirt. Pratt goes for the bra clasp when his roommate, Leon, bolts into the room screaming that he won the lottery. When Chen rolls off Pratt and hides, and my television sex peril is finally over, I feel that I, too, won the lottery. Oh, but never mind, because Pratt had to get up and PULL UP HIS PANTS in order to deal with Leon. Pratt should never not have pants on. "Who are you?" Leon calls out to Chen. "I'm a winner!" Outside in the hall, it sounds like Leon reveals that he only gets three of the numbers, but whatever. He's happy and Pratt isn't, especially when Chen appears behind him, dressed and hurrying out the door. "You gonna be okay?" he asks. "Yeah, I'm fine," she says, failing to mask her discomfort. She rattles off an excuse about work and flees. Leon follows Pratt inside. "She was hot," he observes.
Jerry, predictably, lost the lottery. Abby grins at him as she heads to the clock to punch out; there, she encounters Weaver, who shares that Luka starts counseling the day and she wants him back in the rotation by Tuesday. "You should've been more on top of this," Weaver points out, and rightly. Abby spits back that she didn't ask for the promotion. How immature. That's no excuse for doing a shitty job with it. "Are you quitting?" Weaver asks. "Do you want me to quit?" Abby asks. "No," Weaver says. Then she pauses and stares at Abby's street clothes. "Did you change to go home and then clock out?" she asks. Abby stares at Weaver like she's never met her before. "Whatever," Kerry sighs. "Set a time to meet with Luka." Abby can't believe that she has to handle the counseling, but Weaver insists it's apropos of the position. "Maybe I do want to quit," Abby decides. "Too late," yawns Weaver.
Elizabeth tells Abby to check Sarah's lab results, and if they're negative, to have Erin discharge her. Abby is stunned that Elizabeth is sending her home without telling her what happened. "She's a minor," Elizabeth shrugs. "So you're going to lie to her?" Abby gapes. Elizabeth points out that she's at the end of her cycle, more or less negating the need for emergency contraceptives, and she's at an age where her father has a right to sign her out. "She's a fourteen-year-old girl who was raped," Abby argues. "Doesn't she have any rights?" Elizabeth bristles and orders Abby to check on the lab results. "Sorry, I'm off," Abby says, hands up, walking out on Elizabeth.
Elizabeth spies Nathan watching her. "What?" she snaps. Nathan softly says he saw that she admitted Alison and that she's going to be evaluated for organ donation. Elizabeth nods and turns to go, then realizes she hasn't had her moment of truth yet in this episode, so she decides to hurry that along and get the hell back to her trailer. "Congratulations, Mr. Nathan, you're on call," she says. "Thirty-two hours straight. Go home, get some rest. You'll need it."
Sarah winces as Elizabeth cleans and treats her scalp laceration. Sarah whines about not being able to wash her hair, then asks Elizabeth how she likes being a doctor. "Some days are better than others," Elizabeth smiles. "Must be weird seeing people nekkid [sic] and stuff," Sarah says, eyes gleaming. Elizabeth giggles that she's not overly fond of the hairy patients. Sarah chuckles. Then, seized by her conscience, Elizabeth sits down beside Sarah and gently informs the dumbfounded girl that she was probably raped. "You told my dad I was raped?" spits Sarah, angry. Elizabeth smiles that he has been trying to protect her, but that Sarah had a right to know, and then there's the internal and external bruising... "You looked inside?" screeches Sarah. "Who said you could?" Startled, Elizabeth reminds her that she was unconscious at the time. "I know it's confusing and scary," she begins. "I wasn't raped, you stupid bitch," seethes Sarah. "There were drugs..." Elizabeth sputters. "Yeah, Special K," Sarah says, grinning evilly. "It makes the sex all kind of swirly...It's like having twenty boyfriends and they all totally love me." This scene's made more alarming by how tiny Sarah looks. She seems at once both older and younger than fourteen. It's bizarre, and underscores how fucked up she apparently us. Elizabeth finds this pathetic, and totally unhealthy. "I do it every weekend," brags Sarah. "All the guys say I'm the best." What, she lies there like a drugged-out rag doll better than any other girl in school? Whee! Elizabeth stares at her in complete bafflement.
At dinner, Eric tells a bunch of forced stories about how Abby was a bad-ass in Catholic school. He's leaning toward Jody and when he's not flapping his gums about Abby, he's rubbing his lips all over his girlfriend. "How long are you staying?" Carter asks politely when they begin to make out again. Eric shrugs that they'd like to see the sights -- "I heard the art museum's neat," Jody says, winning a "how dumb can you be?" look from Abby -- before heading back to Ohio in a few days. Abby can't believe he had so much overdue leave banked. Then, Jody opens her trap and blurts that Eric's interviewing at O'Hare, which is seeking experienced air-traffic controllers. Eric's lips slurp Jody's ear. "I'm exploring my options," he says defensively when Abby questions this move. "I can't stay in the Air Force forever." Abby's speechless. "Is she always like this?" Eric asks Carter, getting up and grabbing his sister's hand. He bribes her onto the dance floor by threatening to tell Carter about the burned-down garage and her crush on a guy named Rafe. Abby leaps out of her seat. "Wait, I want to hear more about Rafe," Carter calls out gleefully. "Leather pants," Eric yells back. Oh, please. Get back to me if they were assless.
Abby and Eric begin line-dancing. "She loves you," Jody, great writer and student of life, decides. "You think so?" Carter asks, genuinely tickled. "Yeah. You're so comfortable together. Intimate, without needing to show off," Jody says, and evidently, she's at least slightly self-aware because her words are tinged with the knowledge that Eric's lips relentlessly and publicly devour her. Jody then starts making pointed remarks about her fondness for the song, until she guilts Carter into joining her on the dance floor. Line-dancing ensues. I never thought I would write that line in an ER recap, but hey, I guess line-dancing happens sometimes. At least they're all really, really bad at it, but still -- this is the stupidest scene ever. I don't want to see this.
Elizabeth bumps into Nathan on the El platform. He's sitting very still on a bench, clutching something that looks like a folder, which is either flapping in a breeze or moving because he's twitching a little. "I hear the organ service got Alison on [the list]," Nathan says. "Yeah, I know. Status two," Elizabeth smiles. "It's a nice feeling...when you realize you've affected someone's life. Touched them in some way." Aw, she's at least giving him some credit for being a good person. That's more than people usually get from her. "Think she'll last long enough?" he muses. "One can only hope," she sighs, standing to catch the approaching train. Sigh. Did the episode title have to be a line from the show? "On your meds?" she asks Nathan, who shrugs that he got a tad off-schedule today. Suddenly, Elizabeth notices that Nathan isn't moving to join her. "You can't get up, can you?" she realizes. Levelly, Nathan swears he'll catch the one, and won't listen to her offer to wait with him. "It's a nice night," he insists. "I'll see you tomorrow." Elizabeth smiles at him, and it's actually a smile that might soften ice cream. "I expect you will," she replies. As the train pulls away from the station, Nathan is left alone, sitting rigidly on the bench while the folder in his hand flaps like a bird's wings.