Previously on ER: Mark's tumor returned -- and this time, it's inoperable -- but he hasn't told Lizzie. While this went on, Lizzie groused to Benton that Mark won't kick out Rachel because of some silly misguided thing called "being her father" and "loving his daughter" and stuff. Susan and Carter split up because they didn't feel a spark. Firefighter Sandy Lopez yelled at Kerry, "I did you a favor!" Except they don't show what that favor was, so for all we know, Sandy fed Kerry's dog and it didn't like the Alpo and took a revenge dump on the sofa. This is a half-assed "previously" segment. Mark got Gamma treatment on his brain, and Susan found out; Lizzie told Mark she didn't know when she'd move back home. That was such a mish-mash.
A telephone rings. Dr. Elizabeth "Taming of the Shrew" Corday rolls awake and hazily answers her wake-up call from the hotel operator. Hanging up, she sighs heavily, listening to the sad music twanging through the scene and fully aware that it means she'll have a rough day. She darts a look at her sleeping daughter -- who has aged and is huge -- and shuffles into the bathroom to look at her worn face and mussed hair. I love that she's wearing baggy pajamas. That feels right somehow. As Elizabeth rubs her eyes and leans slightly toward the sink...
...Dr. Mark "A Scar is Born" Greene rinses his razor and then brings it to his lathered face. He then takes a huge chunk out of his neck, because the character isn't tragic enough. He's Ziggy. He'll never win. As Mark almost curses, the closed captioners write that he's "moaning softly." Ew. A thousand times: Ew. Mark wets a towel and holds it to his jugular...
...as Lizzie one-ups him by shaving a hunk out of her chin. Ha! No. I'm sure her beard gets waxed. She's actually "helping" Ella do a puzzle, by which I mean she's telling the confused child what the pieces are called and making cooing noises that she probably heard someone make on television once. She finally grabs Ella's piece-clutching hand and impatiently shoves it into the right hole. Nurturing, evidently, is harder for her than birthing a watermelon would be for Mark. "Can you say 'Ma-ma'?" Elizabeth wheedles. She scoops up Ella and answers a knock at the door; it's her nameless blonde nanny, there to start the day. ["I know she's a doctor, but she's a doctor at a County hospital. How can she afford more than a month's worth of nights in a pretty nice-looking hotel, and a daily nanny? Actually, forget it, I don't care." -- Wing Chun] "You're early," Elizabeth says, not entirely pleasantly. "I figured you could use a break," Nanny says. "That's right," Elizabeth agrees, handing off Ella. Yes, she does need a break from that grueling twenty-minute stretch of mother-daughter bonding. I feel for that child. I'm briefly rueful that Mark's going to die, because he at least ups the temperature in that family from utterly frigid to mildly nippy. Elizabeth moves to write a check for Nanny, but apparently Mark took care of it already. Lizzie's all stony about it. She demands the mail and then leaves with a very forced "Bye-bye, my love," to Ella. As she closes the hotel door...
...Mark opens the door to the hellion's den. Rachel's hair looks interesting -- smooth and curly and glossy, except for this strange chunk right by her face, which has been ironed straight, slicked back, and sprayed in place. Weird. If she'd left that part curly, she'd have awesome hair today. "I'm finishing my homework," she explains. Mark tiredly asks if she'll be ready in twenty minutes. "Sure," she says, then peers up at him curiously. "You okay, Dad?" she asks. Mark pants quietly that he's just fine.
Elizabeth arrives at the El, starts down toward the platform, then balks when she spies Twinkle Twinkle Little Scar below her on the staircase. She ducks away from the stairs until Mark is out of sight, then exhales in utter relief that she was high up above the scar so bright. Relief gives way to sadness as Elizabeth realizes that her marriage is a glorified game of hide-and-seek, and her ocular luggage twitches us into the credits.
When we return, Elizabeth is at the hospital bitching about changes to her schedule. Dr. Robert "Don't Fuck With Mr. Zero" Romano appears to clarify things -- apparently, he put her on trauma call in the ER all week because she's managed to go an entire month without a shift down there. "I had to go down to that cesspool myself twice yesterday," he gripes. She promises to do it week once she's caught up on her elective surgeries, but Romano won't have it. He's ruling that place with an iron fist of justice. "With any luck, you won't be called down," he breezes, leaving. "Right, that happens," grumbles Elizabeth. I had no idea surgeons were so bitter about...you know, performing surgery.
Mark examines a pretty brunette named Joanne, whose husband Paul brought her into the ER. She explains that they were "tracking a black-crowned heron," which naturally, my sewage dump of a mind assumed was the cleverest euphemism in the land. But really, they were birdwatching, at least until Joanne felt light-headed and tingly. Paul adds that she'd been having minor stomach trouble. "That was just his cooking," snots Joanne. As Mark examines her, he catches a glimpse of Elizabeth in the hallway and it momentarily throws him. Snapping back to his patient, Mark tells Joanne that her eyes look a bit yellow. She's baffled, because she does yoga and spinning and is the healthiest person on the planet. Paul points out that she's prone to panic attacks, though, and of course Joanne snaps at him. She's a bitch. Paul should flee. Suddenly, Joanne gasps and hands Mark a nest of eggs they rescued from a predatory raccoon. She begs Mark to care for them until they hatch. He's all, "Whatever. I have interns, lady."
As he seeks out Gallant, Mark passes Jerry, who's hawking a basket of his sister's vegan brownies. That is a crime against nature. Mark declines far more politely than I would have. You just don't mess with brownies. Dr. Michael "The Rookie" Gallant is standing at reception looking completely adorable in his dark green Army uniform, which he donned for a recruiting breakfast. "Sign anyone up?" asks Dr. Jing-Mei "Deb" Chen. Gallant glows that he kind of did -- in that he got a co-ed's phone number. "You go, Private!" Chen giggles. Gallant corrects that he's a lieutenant, but whatever. It was still sweet. Mark descends and dumps the eggs in a confused Gallant's hands. "Don't break them -- they're supposed to hatch," he instructs before disappearing. Before Gallant can collect his thoughts, Dr. Kerry "What Women Want" Weaver and Chen both hand him charts to juggle. "I'm here to serve," he cracks bemusedly. And he is. I am nursing a crush on Gallant.
Abby "Misery" Lockhart shouts that a stab victim is rolling up. There's some piffle about the eggs and Mark not wanting to eat a vegan brownie because he'll puke it up later, and Abby going all Emeril Lagasse on Jerry by saying that animal fat is a blessing. Basically, it all leads up to Jerry saying, "My sister's hardcore -- nothing with a face." But eggs don't have faces, and aren't vegans anti-egg? I know they come from a thing with a face, but...oh, screw it. I'm tired.
Elizabeth arrives. "Someone called for a consult?" she crabs. "Welcome back, Elizabeth," Chen says smoothly. Elizabeth doesn't have time for pleasantries, and doesn't really know what they are or how to use them anyway. Chen points her to a head-trauma case, and is then distracted by the staring, silent man at the front desk, who delivered a package for Luka and is now standing there unmoving and stone-faced. He looks like Tobey Maguire at the Oscars, but with 50% more charisma. "Are you waiting for something else?" Chen asks. "Can you talk?" The man does nothing but follow Chen with his eyes as she moves around the desk to meet him. She reads his name tag -- he is Martin -- and has Malik put him in an exam room.
The paramedics bring in a teacher who's suffered smoke inhalation and minor burns. They exposit that Martin Luther King Elementary School is on fire. "A space heater fell on a little girl's sweater," babbles the dazed and coughing teacher. Weaver is confused -- she thought a stabbing victim was coming in -- and a paramedic explains that the fire is a new development, and that she should expect more cases because all engines in the area are reporting to the scene.
Then, Weaver's stabbing case comes in -- nineteen-year-old Diana Hayes, with wounds in the neck and chest. She's carted off to a trauma room, leaking blood everywhere.
Abby and Dr. John "Little Lord Fauntleroy" Carter banter about a patient, so that we know they have a rapport, and enjoy looking at each other, and bat their eyelids and whatnot. "Still keeping vampire hours?" Carter asks casually. Abby nods. She's off now. "Not that I can sleep much during the day," she sighs. "Luka doesn't have curtains?" Carter wonders. "Not in the living room," Abby answers, and it's a pretty pointed answer at that. Carter jerks his head up and stumbles over himself to point out the sheer quantity of spare rooms at Gamma's manse. "What happened? Lose some of the kitchen staff?" Abby jokes. "A girl needs her beauty sleep, that's all," Carter backtracks, trying for a joke. They smile at each other. They get flustered. A 500-pound elephant walks up and sits down between them. Carter breaks out in a titillated sweat. Carter and Abby fans the world over quiver violently, spark up cigarettes, and light more votive candles at their shrines while chanting love poems.
Dr. Susan "Reality Bites" Lewis has been lurking in the background, and witnessed The Erotic Awakening of Little Johnny. When Abby leaves, she saunters over to poke some fun. "Making any headway?" she teases. Carter plays dumb until Susan jerks her head in Abby's direction. "Stop it," he mutters, blushing. Susan calls after him that she'll be at 7 PM yoga if he wants to avoid her further. As she's babbling, she bumps smack into...
...Elizabeth, who's picking glass shards out of a guy's temple. Haleh hails her to help deal with dying Diana; as she turns to go, Gallant asks Haleh where the baby warmers are. He's still cradling the eggs. "Lost, stolen," waves off Haleh. "Who knows." Nice hospital.
Diana is bleeding profusely in Trauma Yellow from those neck and chest wounds. Mark, Chen, and Weaver work on the patient, shouting out orders and giving Elizabeth the bullet: Diana was attacked in her dorm room at Hamden College and suffered at least ten wounds. As Elizabeth positions herself across Diana's head from Mark, he snaps his head up. "I thought Edson was on call," he sputters. It's as thoughtful as if the patient sat up and said, "Wait a second, I thought Romano was going to be the pale, bald doctor in this scene." So grateful for Mark's tact, Elizabeth snaps, "Settle for me." Too late, babe, he already did. Mark shakes his head defensively and considers rephrasing, but then remembers that there's a dying girl on the slab in front of him and that he's supposed to make the red stuff stop dribbling out of her body. Diana's friend is cowering in the corner. The nurses find defensive wounds on Diana's arms; Weaver turns to Shelley, the friend, and asks when they found Diana. "At nine," she says. "I always pick her up for Poly Sci...I thought she was dead." Shelley is wincing and mincing as if Diana were being menaced by a particularly threatening splinter, rather than ten life-sucking knife wounds. Elizabeth figures that it looks more like fifteen wounds and they all wonder aloud who did it. "I don't know," Shelley pouts. "Everybody likes her." Or is that just what they want us to think?
Suddenly, they lose Diana's pulse. Mark yells for the rib spreader. Weaver wonders what the weapon was; I'm guessing the fact that Diana's heart has stopped is of greater concern right now, but I'm not a doctor, so whatever. Susan strolls in gingerly, but can't catch Mark's eye. "Mark!" she bleats urgently. He looks up, and Susan jerks her head toward the hall. "Beep?" queries Diana's monitors. Shifty-eyed, Mark pretends he's focused on the patient, but Elizabeth is staring at him now, rapt by the wee drama unfolding over Diana's filleted body. "BEEEEEEEEEEP!" yells The Monitor of Diana's Heart Is Still Not Beating, People. "Do you want me to make a call?" Susan asks. Mark shifts his gaze uncomfortably toward Elizabeth, who meets his eyes. Diana sits up. "Can I get some O-negative here?" she demands. "Some stitches? Attention? ME! Deal with me!" Susan disappears to switch the time of Mark's mystery appointment (read: chemotherapy) and leaves him to cope with Elizabeth's accusing squint. Shelley faints so that yet more resources will be diverted from Diana's care.
And apparently, Diana's been fixed up nicely now and is stabilized. Everyone leaves except Mark and Elizabeth. "You did a nice job on the neck," Elizabeth says quietly. What? I saw him standing there, but that's it. Oh, wait -- not on Diana's neck, but on his own. "I was shaving," Mark explains. "I was in a rush." He awkwardly tells her that her mother called at 4 AM, still ignorant of the time difference, and Elizabeth apologizes profusely. Mark opens his mouth as if to say something, but Elizabeth's all business again, telling people to call for sutures and a defibrillator and to get the OR on standby. Mark is silent.
Martin is standing in front of the vending machine, staring blankly at all the choices. Oh, Martin. I've been there. I kept a sleeping bag there throughout college. Carter observes this with amusement and suggests that Doritos and Cheetos are equally excellent. Martin ignores him. Chen scuttles over and tries to shepherd Martin back to Exam One. "He can't speak," she tells Carter. "That's an emergency?" he smirks cockily, following the two of them. Chen, using the latest and greatest deductive powers you can buy on eBay for less than ten dollars, decides something's not quite right with Martin. Carter tries to interact with him, but Martin completely shuts down. "Are you hurt?" Chen prods. "Are you in pain?" Martin winces. "Do you think you could write down what's wrong?" Chen persists. "Your head, your chest, your stomach?" Martin nods on this last one. "Told you," she snots at Carter, who's just been standing there laughing at all this like a complete arrogant fool. Not sure why. Chen establishes that Martin hasn't eaten in two days and somehow this is her trumping Carter, because Carter couldn't get a reaction from Martin. Eh, Feh.
Up in the OR, Romano and Elizabeth hack away at Diana. He ribs her about how long it took to get Diana to him:"Someone chops this girl up like a clove of garlic, and you take your sweet time in the ER?" he snipes. Amen, Rocket. Elizabeth argues that she was repairing a large defect in Diana's ventricle; Romano still thinks she was being imprudent. Elizabeth disagrees. Then they both just go ahead and whip it out, and in an odd twist, Elizabeth's is bigger. She pointedly ignores Romano's prying attempts to draw out what's bothering her, until he finally hits on it. "You and the hubby still fighting?" he asks. She has daggers in her eyes. "Aha," he grins. "I see the rumor mill's still churning out winners." This bugs Lizzie. "Want my advice?" he continues cheerfully. "No," Elizabeth answers. "Stay away from love," Romano concludes. "It does things to the brain." So there it is, folks -- Elizabeth gave Mark the tumor. Diana's heart suddenly craps out, though, and both doctors resume doing what they're paid to do.
Paul and Joanne are downstairs with Mark, who's using jargon to explain that Joanne has suffered extensive liver damage. But Joanne doesn't drink or do drugs, so she can't ascertain quite how this came to be. "Have you had anything out of the ordinary to eat in the last few days?" Mark asks. Paul furrows his brow. "We had seared ahi last night," he says. "And pear salad." Somehow, that's my favorite line of the episode, as if ahi and pear salad could be life's silent killers. Joanne blanches. "Chanterelles," she whispers. Apparently, they picked some mushrooms in Marin and froze them, and the other morning she threw them in an omelet. Did she thaw them first? Mark's face is an open book -- it's obvious he knows she's screwed. "You could have amanita poisoning," he sighs. "Extreme cases can result in full liver failure." They're stunned, so Mark quickly states that she's not in that kind of danger just yet, but he wants to test a family member's liver to see if they can line up an emergency donor.
An anonymous blonde arrives in the ER, also a stabbing victim from the college. Weaver frowns. Two stabbings. Two women. This can only be the handiwork of...a murderous lesbian! Weaver seriously stands there as if she's had a Terrible, Awful Realization. Chen says, "Great. A killing spree on campus." Chuny runs around saying, "Remind me not to hang out there." Weaver leans in to examine the girl while Chen yells medical things to the nurses. Lily runs in to ask Weaver how many patients from the school fire they can handle. "Three criticals and four minors," Weaver says without a moment's thought. That's why she's so good at her job -- she knows exactly what's going on in the ER at all times, unless of course the scripts dictate that she's supposed to forget her pager in a bathroom.
Suddenly, the blonde sits up, choking on her own blood. "Hang on, she's trying to say something!" shouts Weaver. "Honey? Tell us your name!" Chen is busy trying to bag the girl so she has a hope of breathing. But she spies Martin staring desolately through the trauma-ward doors and growls for someone to escort him back to his room. The girl shoves away the bag and tries to sit up again. "What is it?" Kerry pleads. "I....loved....her," rasps the blonde before collapsing onto the slab. Kerry pales and stares down at her patient, just revealed as Diana's attacker. As Weaver realizes that she is a lesbian and Lesbians are Killers, Too, Laura Innes rues the fact that she had to be in the scene that first coated this episode in flaming waste matter. Seriously, that was unforgivable. The melodramatic way the blonde delivered her line harks back to the Brenda Loses Her Virginity episode of Beverly Hills, . Andrea skips the spring dance and pops in a slasher flick, then falls asleep and dreams that she showed up at the shindig with a chainsaw and menaced Brandon while wailing, "You...said...you...LIKED...me!" At least that was intended as farce. This? Ooh. Not so much.
Elizabeth trucks through the hospital and runs smack into a delusional patient, and I'll say right now that I'm not even going to bother recapping him here or later in the hour, because he's pretty pointless. She stumbles upon Susan putting drops in Mark's eyes. "This beats a patch any day," she says. "I thought women liked pirates," Mark posits. "Four hundred years ago, maybe," snarks Susan. Elizabeth hears this entire exchange, so the fact that she's ignorant to why Mark might need drops or an eyepatch (after the Gamma treatment, his right eye didn't always close) just proves how inattentive, dense, and self-involved she is. Elizabeth interrupts uncomfortably because she got assigned to Joanne's liver case. Mark thanks Susan and escorts Elizabeth away.
"What's in New York?" Elizabeth wonders casually. "There were charges on my Visa bill from New York." He snuck away and used her credit card? What is wrong with his brain? Oh, wait, tumor. Right. ["If they each had a Visa on a joint account, both the charges he made on his own card and the charges she made on hers would show up on the same statement. Just a little boring info from Shared Finances Land." -- Wing Chun] Mark deftly avoids the question because they're at reception and he needs Jerry to point him in the direction of a girl called Terry. "Fifty-two dollars from Saks," Lizzie persists. It was probably for a designer skull cap. Mark claims it was a phone order. "Something you couldn't find in Chicago?" she asks skeptically. But again, Mark skirts the issue because they've found Terry: She's Joanne's sister. "Paul said it was serious," she frets. "Serious enough that we should line up a donor," Elizabeth nods. Terry is baffled.
Entering Joanne's room, Terry greets her sister tersely, and Mark dives right into the issue, saying he wants to draw her blood and have her sign a consent form. Terry's all, "Whoa there, Beaker, back up the gurney." Apparently, Paul didn't tell Terry what this was about, preferring instead to ambush her in the hospital room. "I might need a new liver," Joanne says expectantly. "And my best shot for a match is someone in the family." Terry's jaw drops. "Wait a minute," Terry protests. "I have the Sweet Sixteen this weekend." Joanne gapes, "What?!?" Defensively, Terry points out that her team beat Indiana in the NCAA tournament, "a game you obviously didn't watch." Joanne dismisses it. "You play in a lot of games," she brats. Oooh, bitch. Lizzie explains that they just need to remove 60% of Terry's liver so they can give it to Joanne. "She always gets more of everything!" screams Terry, leaving in a blue fury. No, actually, Elizabeth calmly points out that Terry's healthy liver will regenerate completely after time; that's hardly comforting, and Terry continues to fight the idea, reminding them all what a big deal the playoffs are. She's a whiny one, too. Both these girls need to disappear. Terry wants time to think. "What's to think about?" rails Joanne. Elizabeth intercedes and says they're being premature and can wait to discuss it further until they're sure Terry is a match.
Shelley, gowned up because she hit her head when she fainted, stares in shock at the blonde girl's wounded body. Weaver spies this. "What's Renee doing here?" wonders Shelley. Weaver is surprised to learn that this Renee is Diana's roommate, and it makes Kerry visibly uneasy to hear it. She asks Shelley if the roommates were close. "No," Shelley chokes. "She's quiet, kind of weird. Diana's moving out in a few weeks to come live with us." She then badly acts concerned about Diana's welfare, and cringes to hear that Diana died. "I'm sorry," Weaver says gently.
Chen is henpecking Martin. "I called your house today," Chen enunciates. "I know you can speak because I heard you on the machine. Why aren't you talking to me?" Hey, I wouldn't talk to her either. Martin looks at her beseechingly and hands her his bright green-and-blue knit hat. Chen isn't interested, so he defiantly snatches it back tearily and hugs it to his chest. "Stop playing games!" yells Chen. "Tell me what's wrong!" Chen, shut UP. Browbeating him clearly isn't the answer. Why hasn't she called for a psychiatrist yet? Why did Ming-Na agree to come back to this show?
Suddenly, we're outside, and Lizzie's regaling Terry with information about Joanne's liver condition. "I'm a match, aren't I?" Terry demands. Lizzie coughs that a transplant would be totally curative for Joanne, with minimal risk to Terry. "Someone as young and healthy as you should recover completely," Elizabeth insists. "Three days?" Terry asks. "Six weeks," Elizabeth corrects her, sensing that Terry's interest has waned. Terry wants to do it after the playoffs are over, but Elizabeth doesn't want to wait. "Pretend she didn't have a sister," Terry suggests. "What would you do then?" Elizabeth, startled, guesses they'd put Joanne on a waiting list for a dead donor. Terry clearly isn't eager to help and claims Joanne wouldn't do the same for her if their roles were reversed. Just then, a car horn honks loudly and a sedan smashes into the coffee stand, knocking Charlie the Vendor off his feet and into a puddle of spilled steaming liquid. Elizabeth jumps ten feet in the air and screams for a collar and a backboard for Charlie, while Mark appears to help the drivers -- parents cradling an unconscious young boy who's been passed out for twenty minutes after spending two minutes underwater in his bath.
Cut to Trauma Yellow. The child, Viktor, is eight, and he isn't breathing much. Viktor's parents, Kyle and Linda, freak out, and a cool brunette called Felicia Kind introduces herself as Viktor's doctor. "They called you first?" Mark puzzles. Dr. Kind looks guilty. Chen wants to know if she tried resuscitating Viktor, and Dr. Kind shrugs and says she thought it was better just to bring him straight to the ER. Mark and Chen exchange perturbed glances.
In Trauma Green, Weaver and Lizzie treat Charlie, who has minor burns. Charlie's story is boring. I'm not even sure what's wrong with him beyond a singed hand. Perhaps this will lead to a shocking, terrible mishap wherein the ER staff has to get its coffee from an alternate source and they all leave their pagers in the napkin pile at Starbucks. Elizabeth is interrupted by the sight of Nanny holding Ella, and Weaver lets Elizabeth go to deal with whatever's up with the child.
Dr. Kind tells Linda and Kyle to step outside the trauma room, as if she has any authority in there -- although I've long thought it masochistic to stand there and watch your loved one teeter between life and death under an ER doctor's care. "Are you a medical doctor?" Mark asks suspiciously. "Socialization therapist," answers Dr. Kind. She then takes a cell-phone call, which prompts Mark to kick her out of the room. As he watches her go, with the kind of mild menace only our milquetoasty hero can muster, Mark spies Elizabeth with Ella and gets all gooey.
Nanny apologizes for not calling before stopping by, explaining, "We were on our way home from Baby Gym class and she just said it!" she grins. Elizabeth cuddles her enormous child and points to Mark through the glass. "Dada," slurs Ella. Moved, Elizabeth throws her daughter on the floor and runs to Mark, embracing him, kissing his feet, reuniting with him, and thawing her cold heart into a puddle of hot cinnamon love sauce. Except really, she just flares her nostrils and pretends she isn't pissed, while making a mental note to send Ella back to the casting department, to be replaced with a child who'll say "mama" and mean it.
Mark suspiciously asks why three adults were required to bathe Viktor. "It was a bonding game," Kyle sputters. "Recreating the womb." Which was such a comfortable, soothing place to be, what with its ample breathing room, cheery pastel walls, and the leather La-Z-Boy. Kyle and Linda cling to each other nervously and rationalize that they only held him under the water for short periods of time. "Apparently, not short enough," Mark scolds, appalled. Seriously -- in what world did that seem like a good, healthy idea? I know theory is that the kid will trust them once they rescue him from certain death in the bathtub, but it might also make him afraid of them since they're the ones pinning him under in the first place. And that just leads to a screwed up child. A Rachel, if you will. Ooooh, a pox on you, crazy Dr. Kind! Dr. UnKind. ["Plus this has already been a plotline on Law and Order and C.S.I., with the slight difference that on those episodes, blankets were used to simulate the womb, and the kids suffocated. Weak, ER." -- Wing Chun]
Elizabeth bursts in and tells Mark he's needed in the hallway. "Ella has something to tell you," she announces. And so Mark just ditches the patient and flees. Good thing Chen is there.
In Trauma Green, gruff coffee vendor Charlie is being treated by Weaver and, partly, Elizabeth, who is distracted by watching Mark cuddle Ella. Haleh enters to alert Weaver that Renee's mother has arrived; Weaver quasi-calmly asks whether there's been word about the firefighters. There hasn't. Haleh leaves. Elizabeth smiles at her husband and daughter, happy that they get along so that she won't have to spend all her time with either one of them.
Weaver finds Renee's mother hovering at the girl's bedside. Mrs. Renee is grieving, and totally shocked. Kerry gently says that they managed to stabilize Renee for now, but that they must wait for signs of a full recovery. Tearfully, Mrs. Renee says she heard about Diana; when she learns that Diana died, she hangs her head with a moan. Weaver considers this. "Was Renee having problems at school?" she asks carefully. "Was she depressed, or showing signs of...." Mrs. Carlson's head pops up defensively. "Why are you asking this?" she wails. Weaver backs off, swearing they're just trying to make sense of tragedy, except that she sounds accusatory and it's clearly not the right time to implicate Renee to her sobbing mother. Nice work with the discretion, there, Kerry. But I understand -- she's just worried that all lesbians are teeming with murderous rage. She's not trying to understand the attack, she's trying to understand herself. Uh huh. Mrs. Carlson makes a strange comment about why "everyone" is asking all these questions, and when she finds out Renee did not have any defensive wounds as Diana did, she stands up in a rage of tears and eyeliner. "My daughter didn't hurt her friend," shrieks Mrs. Carlson. "And she certainly did not do this to herself. There must be a maniac out there." Weaver looks on pityingly as Mrs. Carlson plops back down and murmurs repeatedly that Renee will sort all this out when she wakes up.
Mark tells Kyle and Linda that Viktor is stable, but breathing with help. He hopes the boy will wake up within twenty-four hours, and tells them that a social worker is en route to deal with them. Kyle bristles and trots after a fuming Mark, babbling an explanation that Mark doesn't want to hear. "We adopted Viktor in Prague last year," Kyle shares. "We were thrilled, but he hasn't connected with us." Mark wheels around. "Love and time -- that usually does the trick," he spits. Yeah, that did the trick with Rachel, all right. Mark lectures Linda and Kyle about putting their child in danger -- this from the man who is being blamed by his wife for putting their child in danger. He then storms off to hunt for more parallels.
Later, Elizabeth scouts the halls for Mark. Jerry tells her that Mark left, and that Susan is covering his shift, so Elizabeth sets her sights on Dr. Lewis and gets ready to pull the trigger on a bullet of self-righteous whining. She approaches Susan and requests a favor. Oh, and Gallant snags something to help warm the eggs, but nobody cares. Who came up with this pile of ass? Is this a special Easter egg misadventure? Is Gallant the Easter Bunny? I want to cry for him.
Elizabeth pulls Susan into a private nook and awkwardly -- yet startlingly politely -- begs to know where "my husband" is. Love that she uses that possessive term instead of his name. Very convenient, since they're barely married. Susan hedges and tries to escape. "I know there's something going on!" insists Elizabeth. "I know he's told you. I don't think I deserve to be left in the dark." Oh, you don't "deserve" anything, Elizabeth. You treated him shabbily and yet all of a sudden, you're a devoted and anxious wife. This whole episode is built around us having sympathy for her and for him and for their situation, yet the writers have already worked too hard to make her a shrill cow so that we'd feel for Mark. We can't do a total one-eighty now, no matter how hard they try to spin us. And if they spin me much harder I'm going to get nauseous and barf on their Prada loafers. Susan gulps and rasps that if Elizabeth truly used her noggin, she'd stumble upon the one thing that Mark might want to protect her from, and Sherry Stringfield's trying to get choked up, but it's insincere and she just looks like she wants the scene to end. Then we get an unflattering close-up of Alex Kingston.
Upstairs, Lizzie steps out of an elevator and into the Oncology ward, asking where Mark is. The nurse answers Elizabeth's worst fear by directing her to Mark's room and giving an in-depth explanation of the treatment he's undergone. Elizabeth eats her lip for nourishment and follows the nurse, as all sounds start to ring hollow in her head. She can barely focus. Finally, she sees Mark sitting in a chair in a darkened room. He spies her and sits up with a start, and we fade to commercial on Elizabeth staring at him sadly.
Carter and Weaver treat a firefighter who was working the school inferno. Weaver casually asks him a string of questions about the safety of the firefighters, to prevent herself from grabbing him, throwing him on the ground, and banging his head against the tile until he coughs up information about Sandy. Through her almost nonchalant line of questioning, the man reveals that they're still looking for Sandy, who was the first firefighter inside the school. To the show's credit, they don't show anyone giving Kerry knowing or amused looks -- I mean, people witnessed The Kiss and could easily put two and two together, but the writers don't go there, which is nice because it doesn't fuel the idea that the entire ER is homophobic. Weaver, clearly affected by news that Sandy's still inside the inferno, nonetheless continues to work coolly.
Elizabeth sits opposite Mark, reeling from the day's realization. She's been apprised of the situation and is suggesting things -- Gamma knife, seeing Dr. Humperdinck -- that Mark's already tried. Stunned at how long it's gone on without her, Elizabeth stares intently at her hands. "How much time?" she finally asks without looking at Mark. "If this works, ten months," he replies quietly. Lizzie's left nostril twitches and shoots fire. "Why didn't you tell me?" Elizabeth scolds him, pained, and finally looking him in the eye. Mark blames his silence on bad timing. "I could've helped," she says, desperate and wet-eyed, but Mark knows that's not true and says as much to allay her guilt. She coldly says that he shouldn't be alone right now, and Mark promises that this doesn't change anything. "I don't expect you to come back and be my wife just because this happened," he whispers. Elizabeth exhales hard, and Mark waits for her to say, "That's not why I want to come back," but she doesn't say that because she's got no soul, so he glumly gets up to leave, tumorrific and alone. "You're going back to work?" she gapes. "I don't know what else to do," he says flatly. He shuffles out, and she stares into the air he once inhabited, breathing heavily.
Carter and Chen, chatting about the glut of burn victims, pass Martin standing vacantly in the hallway. "There's your new boyfriend," Carter joshes. Chen sighs, "He's a little on the simple side." And even though he acts "simple," she comes off so arrogant saying that. I really don't understand why people like Chen. I don't fault them for it -- I just can't see her as anything but wooden and unappealing, which is partly due to my lack of interest in Ming-Na as an actress. Still, I hope they're paying her a lot, because this non-storyline can't have been what wooed her back to the show. It's an insult. "Martin, did you talk to the lady from Psych?" she asks loudly, as if he's deaf. Tearfully, he hands her the gloves that match his toque. "That doesn't mean anything to me," she replies rudely. Martin proffers the scarf. "I don't get it, okay?" Martin cuddles the stuff and rubs his cheek against it, so Chen deduces that something happened to the person who knit him that stuff, and then we abruptly and mercifully cut away from the scene.
Weaver checks on a little boy rescued from the burning building; he's fine, and merrily spinning around on a stool. He comments that he told "the fire lady" he wasn't hurt, but that she rode in the ambulance with him anyway. Weaver hears "fire lady" as "loins-afire lady" and brightens. "Is the fire lady here with you now?" she smiles. The kid shrugs, but does supply that he doesn't think she was hurt because she was cracking jokes in the rig. Weaver orders Jerry to call the unit and verify that all firefighters there are safe. Then she bounds outside to see if Sandy might still be there; she isn't. Weaver's hopeful face falls, and she reluctantly returns to the ER.
Carter can't find Mark, and asks Susan where he might be. She avoids answering the question; this inexplicably leads to a bit about I'll Take "Things Carter Has Fished Out of People's Insides" for $500, Alex. Among them is an old pen of Susan's that she tests, and which still works. Carter smirks that he took that from someone's anus and she throws it back in his little dish. So it wasn't gross when it was in someone's belly? Weird doctors. Weird scene.
The elevator opens. Elizabeth is staring at nothing, hands on her hips, fists clenched. I think she's supposed to snap out of her reverie as the doors begin to close, but Alex Kingston times it wrong and jolts awake a second too soon. So she then struggles through elevator doors that are supposed to be closing hard on her, but are only just barely starting to slide. Lizzie bumps into Terry, who hands her an unsigned transplant consent form. "What about Joanne?" Elizabeth asks. "Joanne's never had time for anyone but Joanne," Terry whispers flatly. Elizabeth hates that excuse and begs Terry to reconsider. "She's still your sister!" Elizabeth shouts. Terry shrugs and says she wishes she were a better person, but she isn't, and she wants be in the playoffs she's trained her whole life to attend. She half-heartedly considers helping Joanne once her team's finished. I hope they lose in the Sweet Sixteen round and Terry feels like a little, little person, in addition to being a sad loser. Elizabeth can't believe what she's hearing, and storms into an office, overcome at how selfish some people can be and thanking God she's never, ever done anything selfish, and never, ever put herself before others. Ever.
Once inside the office, the mad cow snorts and spits, foams at the mouth, and crumples paper in ire. Throwing it across the room, Elizabeth starts sobbing -- full-on weeping, wailing and heaving. It's as if someone she loves is dying, except we know that isn't really the case. She sinks into a chair. Suddenly, Romano bursts into the office, and Elizabeth desperately tries to muffle her sobs. "Hiding out, are you?" he says, chipper. "Do me a favor -- go down there when those idiots page you. They're like crazed cyborgs, paging every five minutes until they somehow manage to find your fearless leader and suck us all into their universe." Um. Okay. Elizabeth horks some sadness into a Kleenex. Romano turns around. "What happened?" he asks. "Prince Harry in rehab again?" Elizabeth emits a shrill half-cry, half-chuckle, and Romano falls silent, aware that she's actually weeping in full force. "Mark's tumor's back," she blurts thinly. Romano stops, stricken. "Has it invaded Broca's?" he asks quietly. Elizabeth delivers the bad news that it's fully entrenched and inoperable. Romano slowly strolls closer to her. "I'm sorry," he says sincerely, seriously. She doesn't look up. "He's known about it for weeks," she spits. "He just didn't tell me." Romano considers this, setting down his mug and sitting in the chair to her. "Maybe he was protecting you," offers Romano. Elizabeth snorts and shakes her head. "There's so much we haven't worked out," she frets, biting her lip and sniffling. "Oh, I...I don't think I can go through this again." Romano simply listens to her pain, blinking. "I'm sick and tired of being the strong one," she rants, as if running away from her marriage after the Ecstasy incident wasn't totally the easy way out, and as if it requires no inner gumption whatsoever to treat a brain tumor and its side effects alone, in addition to trying to protect your troubled wife and daughter while looking at your infant child, aware you'll never truly know her. Yeah, that's easy. If she hadn't lost me already, I'd be so done with her right now. "We've...we've broken up, we've grown apart," adds Elizabeth. "He doesn't even expect me to be there anyway." Romano still says nothing, which is so cool of him. He's just letting her hash it out for herself without passing judgment. Until she turns to him and laughs bitterly. "What am I supposed to do?" she demands, sensing his silent disagreement. "Go back home to watch him die?" Romano gazes at her calmly. "Yes," he says simply. And ninety-nine "WORD" balloons go by. Elizabeth furrows her brow and stares at her clenched hands. "Well, I don't think I can," she insists. Romano pauses. "Is he your husband?" he asks softly. Elizabeth rolls her eyes and duhs, "Yes." Romano continues, "Do you love him?" Elizabeth's lip trembles as the camera pushes in on her. "Yes," she admits reluctantly, choking on her tears. Romano nods slightly, his point made. Elizabeth also seems aware that her decision's just been made, but she still looks perturbed at being called upon to act kindly. Fade to black.
After the break, Chen confers with Adele about Martin. Apparently, Martin found his mother dead of a heart attack, and the sight triggered a rare disorder in him. It seems he didn't have a problem telling Adele all this, despite having been mute the rest of the episode. This feels so tacked-on and, yes, boring. Basically, Martin's in shock. But his sister's flying in from Louisville, so guys, it's going to be okay. Really. Everything's going to end happily for our silent hero, so don't you lose a minute more sleep over it.
, Adele heads into Viktor's trauma room, with Mark on her tail. But he stops to harass Dr. Felicia Kind, and rightly. "Kind" anagrams to "dink," and there's no bigger dink on this show -- excepting Mark, Frank, Elizabeth, Chen, Babcock, sometimes Carter, and all the extras -- than Dr. Kind. ["Babcock rocks, yo." -- Wing Chun] "How much do you charge for therapy?" Mark sneers. Felicia grins tightly and says it went a trifle too far this time. She's remarkably unconcerned about depriving Viktor's brain of its vital oxygen, and Mark calls her on her stunning detachment. "He'll pull through," she breezes. I want to slap her. "How would you know?" spits Mark. "I have a feeling," she sasses, annoyed. Mark wants her to back it up. Dr. Kind points out that Viktor never so much as smiled at his adoptive parents until she happened along, and now, thanks to her recreated wombs and repeated drownings, he calls them "mommy" and "daddy." Mark briefly considers trying this on Ella so she'll say "mama," but then he remembers that he doesn't care and instead shoots Dr. Kind a mild look that borders on being downright impassive.
Haleh interrupts to say that Viktor's regaining consciousness, so Mark and Dr. Kind rush to his bedside, where Kyle and Linda are already waiting with bated breath. "Mommy's here," Linda whispers. Mark checks Viktor's grip, which is strong, and Dr. Kind proclaims that they're in the clear. Her relief is tangible. She screams, "I'm home free!" and starts doing The Dance of You Can't Sue Me. Mark breaks Dr. Kind's arm, spins her over his head like a cheap sweater, and throws her into a bin of surgical waste matter. Then he ties his scrubs around his neck, cape-like; he is Milquetoast Man, and with his sidekick Timmy Tumor, he'll fight ignorance and selfishness wherever it rears its ugly head, while also not blinking and being very tired. Viktor stands, weeping, and applauds the hero as he runs to the roof and dives off it, meaning to fly into the distance, but instead falling several hundred feet so that the NBC promo department can rerun its old teaser and have it actually be true. And, roll credits.
Pity I had to make all that up. What actually happens is far tamer -- Viktor wakes up and Kyle chokes, "Welcome back, Champ." Viktor then reaches for his mother's hand and squeezes her fingers. Linda gasps. "This may have been a breakthrough day!" Dr. Kind gushes. Adele rolls her eyes so hard that one of them falls out. Mark grimaces at the embarrassing idiocy of all of them. Dr. Kind excitedly talks about other methods they can try besides this misguided womb thing. "Not if you intend on keeping Viktor," Adele warns. "What you did today was abusive, not loving." Her lecture fades out as Mark grows increasingly woozy; abruptly, he grabs the chart and says, "I have to go." He flees the room having turned a rich shade of green.
Mark hands Weaver a bunch of paperwork, hurrying through some follow-up instructions so that he can escape before vomiting all over the lackluster linoleum. But Weaver wants him to complete all his work instead of skipping out early. Mark turns around. He's actually...gulp...agitated. "I just had my first round of chemo, Kerry. I feel like hell," Mark snaps tiredly. "I'm going to go home early, okay?" Damn! Settle, Mark. Granted, they're on the same level as physicians, but Kerry runs the ER and I don't know many bosses who take kindly to people who try to bail early on a shift without explanation. He could've been nicer, is all. Carter, who is on the phone, has let the receiver slip slightly in his hand; he, Gallant, Kerry, and a bearded extra gape in concern as Mark exits the ER. The Beard puzzles, "So this isn't the Bee Gees' reunion movie?"
Luka scampers into his apartment in warm-ups, holding a basketball. He encounters Abby sitting at his dining table, poring through the classified ads in search of her own apartment. "What's the expression? 'Couch tomato'?" he grins. Abby scrunches her face. "'Potato,'" she corrects with a snicker. "And I'm at the table." Luka says something about buying a new comforter, and I don't know why. "Don't do it on my account," Abby says. She then gives him a phone message from a girl named Michele. "I forgot," Luka says glibly. "You're taking her to the Ice Capades?" Abby snorts, unable to hide her mockery, and rightly. Luka angelically doesn't get why that's so funny. Abby grins that she tried explaining to Michele that she's just a roommate and nothing more, and casually sips a beer. Luka waves off the idea of Michele and grabs Abby's beer for a swig. "Is this the last one?" he asks. "No, there's more in there," she says. Luka gives her a weird appraising look -- the only hint we've seen that he's concerned or clued-in to the alcoholism, so I'm thoroughly confused. It sounds sort of like he was asking her if it was her last beer, even though he ends up going to the fridge and cracking open a brew for himself. I'm confused. I guess the consensus is that he doesn't know about her alcoholism, which is why it threw me that he gave her an "I know what's really going on" look. Eh. ["For some reason, I thought she had told him on their first date that she was an alcoholic, but I did a search on the old recaps and there's no evidence that she's ever told him, so I think you're right." -- Wing Chun] Luka and Abby joke about the dearth of cool-yet-cheap apartments, and then Luka sends a nation of viewers into an orgasmic tizzy by announcing his intent to strip himself gloriously nude and drench himself in a steaming hot shower. Just typing that sentence fogged up my shower, actually. Abby cracks, "You don't want to keep [figure skating duo] Tai and Randy waiting." Luka grins boyishly and trots off to be wet.
Susan is sitting outside, morosely drinking a latte. Carter spies her as he's leaving work. "I heard about Mark Greene," he says, almost apologetically. Susan nods grimly. "Tough to keep a secret around here," she says. "You did," Carter replies. "So that night you were, uh..." Susan nods again, and Carter looks ashamed. He shrugs in total embarrassment. "What can I say? I'm passionate," he smiles. "You spent the night together. I thought..." Susan teases him for his hyperactive imagination, and Carter giggles and flirts, "If you only knew." Susan groans. "You are not flirting with me," she winces.
Gallant exits just then, back in his uniform. Carter marvels that he's not wearing a hat in this dense cold. "I've got thick hair," Gallant beams. Okay, I laughed. Right after I fantasized about scrunching it with my hands. Susan notices that he's hiding something under his trenchcoat, and immaturely pesters him about what it might be. Both she and Carter chase Gallant as he awkwardly tries to scurry away, because I guess a nest of eggs is something of which to be deeply, deeply ashamed. Susan yanks his coat open and exposes a few unhatched eggs and at least two baby birds. "They're so cute!" she coos, grabbing one to cuddle it. She knocks one or two of the unhatched eggs out of the nest, and they shatter. "Oops," she grins. Okay, so now she's immature and a killer. That whole bird thing...Feh City. In the state of Blech, in the United States of ZZZzzzz.
Kerry leans against a car that's parked outside a bar, waiting until Sandy Lopez lopes toward it. "Out bar-hopping?" Sandy says, not unkindly. "I was just..." Kerry begins. "Lost?" interrupts Sandy with a wry smile. "Looking for you," heaves Kerry, eyes moist. "And you only found my car," Sandy murmurs, staring intently at the lock while fumbling with her keys. Kerry praises her for saving the kids, and Sandy brusquely waves off the praise, still not making eye contact with her ex. Kerry continues to devour her with her eyes. She offers a friendly ear or, you know, something else, and Sandy declines with a lame excuse about having to start her shift early the day. "Know what? You can't drive," Kerry decides, nudging her way in and wresting the car keys from Sandy. Lopez is annoyed, but not angry; actually, I think she's more frustrated that Kerry still hasn't clearly stated her intent. "You were missing," Kerry whispers huskily. "And I was worried." Sandy defiantly stands still. "I'm touched," she says, partly sincere but still very guarded and tinged with sarcasm. Kerry intones, "You were right. You did me a favor," and leans in to give Sandy a tight, closed-mouth kiss. I'm not sure I get where Kerry realized Sandy did her a favor -- maybe she figured that closeted lesbians turn into Renee-like knife-wielding psychos with quiet but deadly obsessions. Still, when logic clashes with hormones, hormones always cheat and score the pin. When Kerry and Sandy break apart, Sandy reddens a trifle and says, "Come to think of it, it was a pretty cool save. The fire went to three alarms and I couldn't see my hand...." Kerry thinks, "Too much lip flap, not enough tongue," and moves in for a passionate smooch.
Lizzie lugs Ella and the giant baby buggy into Valium Villa. Rachel appears in the hall and doesn't seem as surprised as she should be, given that Ella's gained about ninety pounds since they last hung out and Elizabeth's been gone for months. Still, Elizabeth actually greets Rachel warmly, just in case Ella needs a liver someday. "Where's your dad?" Elizabeth wonders politely. Rachel shares that he's hiding out upstairs, feeling ill. Elizabeth realizes that she has to unload the offspring somehow before nursing Mark back to middling health; gently, she asks Rachel to watch Ella. Rachel happily takes her. "Hey!" coos Elizabeth. "There's Rachel!" What a dork. As Elizabeth collects her wits at the foot of the stairs, Rachel regards her knowingly. "He's sick again, isn't he?" she blurts. Elizabeth looks sad and nods. The director cuts back to Rachel, and it's strange because it's almost like Hallee Hirsh realized she forgot to emote, and quickly shoves out her bottom lip and pouts like a puppy. So terrible.
The halls are alive with the sound of retching. Elizabeth skulks up to the bedroom and takes a deep breath, repulsed by the gagging noises and the sheer quantity of vomit her husband's heaving into the toilet. For a second, it looks like she might back away, unable to handle it. But then she remembers that she's a doctor, and this isn't about her, and he's fucking DYING, and even if he's boring and lame, he deserves to go through this with someone who's being paid by NBC to love him, so Elizabeth sacks up and enters the bathroom. "How long has it been like this?" she metas. Mark pukes. "Forever," he groans, the sweat of reverse peristalsis drying cold on his brow. Oh, we feel you, Mark. "Don't they say that if it makes you sick, it's working?" Elizabeth smiles, wetting a cloth to use on his forehead. Mark leans weakly against the bathroom wall, legitimately looking like a dying man, and replies that old adages are cold comfort when you're lying on the bathroom floor painting the porcelain with a rainbow of partially-digested mung. Elizabeth rests the cold cloth on his forehead, and Mark shudders. Elizabeth beams almost affectionately at him. "I tried for weeks to get her to say 'mama' and 'moon,'" Elizabeth says. Nice that she wanted Ella to say "moon" before she said "dada." Mark pshaws that babies often say "dada" first. "That's just because it's easy to say," Elizabeth downplays. Nice, bitch. "Maybe she likes me," Mark offers pathetically. "She's a good judge of character," Elizabeth says, suddenly all gooey. Ew. Tenderness doesn't fit her. It's like watching a lingerie model wear a muumuu. Elizabeth gets up to seek out some medicine, but Mark begs her to stay until the nausea passes. Resignedly, Elizabeth lowers herself to the ground and hugs Mark's head to her bosom, appearing pained and sickened and, frankly, sort of inconvenienced. She stares blandly at the wall while Mark cuddles toward her, finally able to go through this with somebody's help. He heaves us into the closing credits.