Props to Glark for writing the recaplet, and to Sars for inviting us to Thanksgiving dinner with her folks, for putting up with our flatulent asses for a whole week, and for taping this episode at the Sars Family Seat while I slumbered upstairs. I got a migraine. Is that a triptophan side effect?
Previously on ER: Sally Field showed up and freaked out; Weaver divined that Sally was bipolar, and Abby confirmed that she had been since Abby was a kid; Weaver brought Kim down for a consult, and Sally told Kim that she didn't need a psychiatrist; an Australian dude told Elizabeth he didn't want back surgery, so she told him she recommended an outpatient procedure instead; that procedure went awry when Elizabeth went out of town; Benton's nephew was brought into the ER, with gunshot wounds, and Benton couldn't save him; Jackie let out a primal scream that still sends chills up my spine. Oh, and Sars did a stellar job pinch-hitting for me, but after one week with the Capeside whiners, I am so glad to be back here. ["Right back atcha, babe. And, JANE! STOP THIS CRAZY THING!" -- Sars]
Fade up on the living room at Jackie's house, where Peter "Grand" Benton is simultaneously singing and signing "The Wheels on the Bus" with Reese, who's having a blast. Jackie -- in a bathrobe and slippers and with her head covered with a long and straggly red scarf -- shambles into the room, crosses her arms, and tries to fade into the wallpaper. After a moment, Benton notices her and greets her with a hearty, "Hey!" She flatly says she'll go make breakfast, but he stops her and says he'll do it, suggesting that she go back to sleep. She wearily tells him that "there's no point." He offers to write her a prescription to help her sleep, but she drones, "No, no, no, no." "Walt still asleep?" asks Benton. Yeah, asleep in Johnnie Cochran's bed, last I checked. Okay, seriously, Ving Rhames is obviously too big a star to come back to the show now; if they couldn't get him back to do a guest shot when his fictional son is violently killed, clearly, he's never coming back. Why not give Walt a job in Milwaukee or something and stop with all this "he's asleep" foolishness? Oh, Jackie brought her son to the hospital. Where's Walt? Uh, parking the car. Jackie and Benton are at the funeral. Where's Walt? He's standing behind that tree, but he's here. I mean, really. The viewers are not stupid. Either bring back Rhames, or write Walt out of the show, please. Anyway, Benton tells Jackie that he was planning to come home early from the hospital and help her with dinner. She says she thought he was going to Finch's, and he diffidently replies, "I don't have to." Without meeting his eye, she tells him that she isn't planning a big dinner, and that he should "please go." Benton tells Jackie that he'd rather be with her (and Walt, who I'm guessing would spend most of the meal out in the driveway, working on the car), and she braces herself against the countertop, with her back to him, and repeats, her voice breaking, "Please. Go." He takes a step toward her and touches her shoulder, gathering her into his arms as thunder crashes outside. Nice job by both actors there.
Over at Villa Valium (a.k.a. Mark's and Elizabeth's house), Elizabeth "Up the Spout" Corday is looking through the kitchen cupboards for the Tylenol, and Mark "Dizzy Gillespie" Greene tells her there isn't any left. Blah did you put it on the blah list blah domestic blah bling blah. She asks him reproachfully whether his neck is "still" bothering him (his neck was bothering him? Whatever), and he tells her that he knows the cure is "no more hockey games." He sets a plate of eggs and ham before her on the island (nice island), and she looks down at the plate and nauseatedly tells him that she's "just not hungry." He cheerfully takes her plate for himself and tells her that she should have an appetite later that night, when he'll be "grilling filet mignon and baking potatoes." Dude. I still haven't had lunch. Don't hurt me like that. She expresses surprise that he won't be cooking all the usual Thanksgiving fare, and he reminds her, "We did that last year." The doorbell rings and she goes to get it, continuing to list the Thanksgiving foods they won't be having. Elizabeth? If you're that psyched about a turkey dinner with all the trimmings -- and, believe me, I feel you -- go to Boston Market, already. She opens the door and a dude shivering in his coat asks, "Dr. Elizabeth Corday?" She tells him it is she, and he hands her an envelope, wishing her a happy Thanksgiving. Mark asks her what it is, and she says it's "some sort of letter. It says, 'Notice to the defendant.' Oh my god, I'm being sued for malpractice!" Wah wah. Who knew that a nation founded by convicts could be so litigious?
Elsewhere, Abby "Lisa" Lockhart drives her mother, Maggie "Sally" Wyczenski, through the rain in an SUV that's...all...red inside? What the --? It's like a hard plastic suitcase from the '60s -- and not in a good way. Sally keeps shooting Lisa these anxious glances, and plays at her lips like she's about to say something, and then doesn't; Lisa studiously ignores her. Sally finally busts out, "I'll keep taking my medication. I...I won't be a burden." Lisa has no response but to drum her fingers on the steering wheel. Sally begs, "At least let me stay through the weekend." This plea is also met with stony silence. Sally blurts, a mile a minute, "I can't go back I lost my job at the department store your brother's not even talking to me." We get a shot of Lisa's SUV (red on the outside, as well) pulling up beside the Greyhound station, and then cut back inside in time to hear Sally volley, "You can't throw me out, I'm your mother!" Okay, I know you don't get along, but you drive an SUV and you can't put your mother on a plane? Please. With a detachment that makes it clear she's pretending she's been deaf throughout the car ride, Lisa chirps, "I put the bus ticket and some money in your purse. And, uh, you'll have to find a job as soon as you get there!" Sally, her face melting, tells Lisa that, being in Chicago a week, she's seen how hard things are for Lisa, and that she can't in good conscience leave Lisa alone. Lisa looks down and then back up, wearily smirking, "We've been through this." Sally, desperate, raises her voice a little: "I just want to be here for you!" Lisa actually leans over Sally to open the passenger door and curtly says, "I have to go." She places a balled-up warm-weather-weight trench coat in Sally's lap and tells Sally to take it. The door hanging open, Sally tells Lisa, "I love you." Lisa looks down again, and doesn't reply. Sally gathers her things and hops out, teetering on the rainy sidewalk in some totally inappropriate platform mules. The door closes, and Lisa takes a short moment to collect herself before putting the truck in gear and pulling away from the curb. Sally tents the coat over her head and flatly repeats, to the departing truck, "I love you."
Phew, thank god she's gone. I assume. I mean, she's at the bus station, for crying out loud!
Here's my question about The Family Man (other than "Jesus, why?"): even in a parallel universe, how the fuck does a New Jersey tire-store employee afford a house that big? ["Mob connections." -- Sars]
What the hell? Sears had a big sale the day after Thanksgiving? Good grief, it's a good thing they advertised it, because otherwise how would anyone know?
In the lounge, Benton puts Reese's coat in his locker. Cleo "Mavis Beacon Teaches Stereotyping" Finch enters and casually greets them: "Hey, guys." So they're...back together? Whatever, ER writers. After all that nonsense about her having no one to listen to her boring technical problems two weeks ago? Anyway, she effusively signs "good morning" to Reese, which greeting he returns (and, naturally, he's much cuter doing it than she). Benton gruffly observes that she's "getting good at that," and in that offhand yet meaningful way people have, she says she's "been practicing." Anyway, she makes a big production of cooing over Reese, and it's established that they're planning to go to Finch's cousin's house, and that Finch's parents have flown in from...somewhere, and that Benton's never met them but he's allegedly looking forward to it. Finch asks how Jackie is, and Benton makes a noncommittal noise. Finch makes sure that Jackie won't have a problem with Peter's being away for dinner, and Benton tells her that Jackie practically shoved him bodily out of the house. Finch says she's sorry Jackie doesn't want Benton around, and rather than get into it, Benton says he has to take Reese up to the day care centre. Benton and Finch peck awkwardly. I have to ask again when, how, and why these two got back together. I just do not see it. They're not even friendly.
At the desk, Kerry "Indigo Girl" Weaver bellows, "Chen and Carter are late." "It's pouring outside," Randi offers by way of excuse for them. Weaver actually says, "When I was a resident, I always left early during inclement weather," a speech along with which Randi mouths behind Weaver's back. Heh, nice touch. Jing-Mei "Deb" Chen and John "Rear Projection" Carter arrive together, both soaked to the skin and apologizing for their lateness. Weaver immediately connects them both with waiting patients, tells them that Luka is on and Mark will arrive in an hour, and books, but not before passing Kim "Mitchell" Legaspi and her nasty-ass hair, accompanying a patient protectively cradling a live turkey in his arms. Mitchell dismissively says that her patient is "delusional" and that he "threatened to blow up his neighbour's house" before asking Weaver whether she did something different with her hair. Weaver sheepishly futzes with it a bit before saying that she hasn't, and Mitchell persists that Weaver looks "different somehow." Weaver says that it's the fact that she's wearing contact lenses, having broken her glasses. Hm. You know, Djb (sort of) watched the season premiere of this show through his broken glasses, at my house, as I mentioned in the recap of same. COINCIDENCE or SHOUT-OUT? Mitchell heads toward the elevators and Weaver continues forward, running into Lisa. Weaver asks how Sally's doing, and Lisa says she's "better" and that "she left for Florida" that morning -- the "better," I'm thinking, proceeding more from Lisa's state of mind having her gone, than actually representing Sally's mental status at the moment. Lisa goes on to apologize for the spectacle Sally made of herself the other day, and Weaver gently and frankly tells Lisa not to apologize: "She has a disease. Nothing to be ashamed of."
Weaver books, and Lisa rolls her cart on into a trauma room, where Luka "Death Works a Holiday" Kovac is hunched over the bed, going through charts. Lisa stops dead (heh) in the doorway at the sight of him, and then pushes on, bravely greeting him: "Hi." He greets her with a "hey" and asks, "Did you put her on the bus?" Lisa chirps, "Yep," though she didn't, really, and then they talk over each other for a moment, each trying to invite the other out. They both stop at once, and chuckle, and he asks, "Dinner?" and she accepts, "Yeah." She asks whether he thinks "anything will be open," and he supposes Doc Magoo's will be. Lisa wrinkles her nose, and says that would be "kind of depressing on Thanksgiving." Oh, you do? Hey, Luka, I'm free. Scraps in the alley behind the A&P? Sure, what time? Luka doesn't offer any alternative, and Lisa suggests that she could cook, at her apartment. Luka seems about to accept when Lydia pushes in and says that a trauma's coming in -- a guy hit while riding a bike.
Sidebar: many people on the forums are not supporters of the Abby/Luka pairing, and certainly you all are entitled to your opinions. I happen to think they have more chemistry than Dow, but some of you think Mark and Elizabeth make a good couple, so clearly these things are open to interpretation. However, many of you cite the scene above as evidence that Luka and Abby in fact have no connection, that their conversations are awkward and stilted, that he's just using her for sex (or the opposite) and that she would be better off with Carter, maybe, and he with a good therapist (and I agree that a few months with a professional wouldn't do him any harm). But I don't see it. Granted, I am not objective -- as I said. But I think that the pause before she talks to him, and the sheepish giggles when they talk over each other, are pretty common in new relationships. Maybe she paused in the doorway because, even though they're kind of seeing each other, she still gets excited when the sight of him catches her off-guard (and, hey -- can't we all imagine that, of him? I think we can), and that, having fairly recently left a bad relationship, she might be overly trepidatious in her conversations with a new gentleman caller. Not having even seen them have sex, or even in bed, pre- or post-coitally, I don't think it's fair to guess who might be using whom in this scenario, and for what. And I think that, furthermore, the still-getting-to-know-you awkwardness inherent in the early stages of a relationship is touching and special and it doesn't necessarily mean that anyone's going through the motions, or that anyone's a typical Mediterranean misogynist (or sexist), or that anyone's even codependent. It may just be that they like each other enough that they're very self-conscious in each other's company -- but still, I think the actors and directors make it clear, happy to be in each other's company. In my opinion.
Anyway, there's hit-while-riding-bike guy, coming in from the ambulance bay. He yells at whomever may be near his head to call his wife, since she's expecting him. It's hard to tell where, on the gurney, man ends and bike begins; the whole works are snarled up, and...oh, thank you so much, the pointy metal sprocket to which the pedal is attached is embedded deep in the guy's knee. Wow. Lisa and Luka shepherd him toward the door; Lisa jogs back toward the rig to fetch something when Sally appears in the ambulance bay, carrying her suitcases and calling Lisa's name. At least she's wearing Lisa's coat. Lisa doesn't even greet her, really (and doesn't, it must be said, register much surprise to see Sally not at all on the bus back to Florida), and spits, "What are you doing here," less as a question and more as an expression of defeat. Luka calls for Lisa to catch up, and Sally trots in after her on her stupid, inadequate mules.
Inside, Lisa jogs along with Bike Guy's bed and calls over her shoulder that Sally should ask at the desk for some dry clothes, and then wait in chairs. Luka continues calling out Bike Guy's vitals, as Sally screeches, "I tried to get on the bus. I can't leave you, Abby! Abby!" They team blows into the trauma room; Lisa is last in, competently calling for someone to get a hacksaw from Maintenance. Sally watches, agog, from the hall. Yeah, Sally? Lisa may need help, but she doesn't need it from you; to me, she looks like she's got things well under control.
Carter sutures his hand-lac patient. The patient is an indigent gentleman with brown liquor stains down the front of his shirt; he is played by Anthony Lee, the actor who was shot dead this year at a Hallowe'en party by overzealous LAPD cops, when Lee, in jest, pointed a toy gun at one of them. And, to be frank, that story is so fucked up and sad and horrible that I can't even make a joke about it. ["How about this -- it's an LAPD/NYPD sweeps crossover event? Oh, wait. That's not funny either." -- Sars] Carter sutures, and The Late Anthony Lee complains that "it smarts like a son-of-a-bitch." Carter exposits that he already gave The Late Anthony Lee some lidocaine, but offers to give him some more; The Late Anthony Lee gratefully accepts, and repeats that "it hurts like hell," as does his knee. Carter asks what's up with his knee, and The Late Anthony Lee explains, "I twisted it when I fell off the curb; dropped my turkey, cut my hand." Carter expresses some disbelief that The Late Anthony Lee cut himself on some turkey, and The Late Anthony Lee explains, "Wild Turkey. I was drinking it on account of it's Thanksgiving." Carter curtly makes some stupid remark vis-à-vis the pilgrims and Wild Turkey, like, shut up, Paris Pill-ton, and The Late Anthony Lee asks Carter to give him something for the pain in his knee. Conni, standing by, smoothly asks, "What would you like this time -- Percocet or Demerol?" The Late Anthony Lee says that he's allergic to Demerol, and Conni tells Carter that this is The Late Anthony Lee's third visit, complaining of pain, to the ER this week. Carter raises his eyebrows and exhales a supremely judgmental "reeeeeeeeally?" He ingenuously adds that he didn't realize it was that serious, and offers to refer The Late Anthony Lee to a clinic to help him manage his pain. The Late Anthony Lee grouses that he doesn't need a clinic; he needs something for his pain. Carter snorts that he'll get The Late Anthony Lee some x-rays, and then give him some Motrin. He takes entirely too much pleasure in the word "Motrin," punching it as if he's offering to send The Late Anthony Lee to Motown. Carter gets up and The Late Anthony Lee asks, horrified (or, at least, as horrified as a rather drunk gentleman can muster), "You think I'm an addict?" Carter snips back, "I think you have a problem with drug dependency." "What do you know about my pain?" asks The Late Anthony Lee, which is a fair question, since all he said was that it hurts, and Carter didn't ask what kind of pain, for how long, blah bling blah. Basically, this case has all the same warning signs of the time that migraine patient came in begging for Demerol and didn't get it, or the time the woman came in freaking out and Mark thought she was a crackhead and she wasn't...so I think we all see where this is going.
Dressed in scrubs, Sally minces down the hall in her stupid shoes and stops at the desk to ask Randi for a bag to contain her wet clothes. A woman in a plum-coloured coat appears beside Sally, with a baby in her arms, anxiously asking whether paramedics brought in a man who'd been struck by a car while riding a bike. Randi, who actually draws a paycheque from the hospital and may have a passing acquaintance with the regulations and procedures of same, tells Plum Coat she'll have to wait in chairs, and ducks away from the desk for a moment to get a bag for Sally. All of Sally's empathy antennae go fully erect, and she opens her big mouth to tell Plum Coat that they did bring in such a man, and that the doctors took him to a trauma room. Plum Coat begs Sally to tell her where that is, and Sally offers to take her there. Butt out, Sally. What are you, nine?
As they get near the trauma-room doors, Sally -- barely keeping the empathetic tears out of her voice -- tells Plum Coat that she's sure the medical staff is doing everything possible for Bike Guy. At that moment Lydia burns past them like a bat out of hell, carrying a bag of blood, and slams through the doors into the trauma room. Lisa finds Bike Guy's wallet and determines that his name is Jim Eakins. Luka tests his head and calls for someone to take the neck collar off him. As soon as they do, they uncover a huge, spurting neck laceration, and let me just say it's a good thing my pounding head and queasy stomach were already napping far, far away from the TV at this point, because the sight of that would have made me barf all over Sars's parents' rec room, and would have branded me forever as a Bad Guest. ["Yeah, 'cause nobody ever barfed down there before. And it takes way more than that. Have you written your thank-you note yet?" -- Sars] Anyway, Lydia applies a fresh length of gauze to the wound. Sally and Plum Coat watch through the doors. Luka tries to intubate, but finds a foreign body lodged in Jim's throat. He uses some kind of instrument to pull the gauze through Jim's neck wound and out his mouth. DUDE. In case it wasn't clear what happened with the disappearing/reappearing gauze, a totally overdubbed Lydia marvels, "Holy crap, you pulled my gauze right through his neck wound!" Thanks, L. Luka intubates, machines beep, sats are low, Jim needs a chest tube. Lisa goes looking for a chest-tube tray and, finding none in the trauma room, goes out to get one. She slams open the doors and comes face to face with Sally and Plum Coat. Maura Tierney does a great job actually physically reeling from the sight of her despised mother all up in her business, and Lisa says, again, "What are you doing here." Sally quavers, "The gentleman's wife showed up, and there was no one out there to help her!" Plum Coat chokes out, "I'm not his wife!" The baby starts crying, and Plum Coat cries, "I hit him! It was an accident! I didn't even see him!" Randi appears at this moment, and Lisa calmly asks her to take Plum Coat and Plum Baby to chairs. Lisa moves down another corridor to get a chest-tube tray, and Sally scurries after her, begging to talk to her. "Not now," Lisa barks, and heads back into the trauma room. Sally calls after her, "I'm not going anywhere, Abby! I'm staying here!"
Robert "Rocket" Romano chews out Elizabeth (ew, not like that) in his office; it seems he was named in her malpractice lawsuit also. She apologizes, and says she takes full responsibility for what happened. He sarcastically yells, "How noble of you!" Ha! That was the only funny line of the scene. Anyway, he's pissed, she's embarrassed and scared she'll lose her job, he's anxious to leave for the day with his "date," Nikki, clearly a paid escort, blah blah. He leaves.
Downstairs, Luka finishes killing Jim (which is, incidentally, my favourite Kingsley Amis novel). He asks whether any of Jim's family is at the hospital, and Lisa tells him about Plum Coat.
Luka and Lisa head out to chairs, where Plum Coat is wringing her hands and Sally is pacing back and forth and joggling Plum Baby up and down. Luka gets her attention and she and Sally both stand, in rapt attention, as Luka tells Plum Coat, "If Mark's shift didn't start an hour later, you might not be a manslaughterer right now. But I'm here, which means you are. I killed him good. And you helped!" Plum Coat starts bawling, "My baby was crying and I turned around! I didn't see him!" Sally starts crying in empathy and hands Luka Plum Baby so that she can sit down to Plum Coat and coo, "Sweetie, it's all right. It's all right. It wasn't your fault. It was raining. It's all right. It wasn't your fault." Lisa stands by with her arms folded and a hangdog expression on her face. Luka looks a bit like he wishes Sally was around when he killed a guy "by accident." But I don't. Get lost, Sally. I know you love the drama, but for Christ's sakes, mind your knitting, Grandma!
Lisa is smoking in the ambulance bay when Luka comes out to find her. I thought you quit. I did, and then my mother showed up. Is she going back? Yeah. Sigh. Smolder. "Think it'll ever stop?" Lisa asks. Ooooh, metaphorical. Because I really didn't understand until this moment the concept of pathetic fallacy, with the emphasis, in this case, on the "pathetic." She says she means the rain. He says, "It has to." She hopes so. I'm not in grade five and this is not the English unit on Poetry. In other words, I GOT IT TWENTY MINUTES AGO. GOD.
The Late Anthony Lee's knee still hurts, which Carter says is why he's going up to get x-rayed. The Late Anthony Lee continues that he's suffering, and that Carter should stop torturing him. A sleek, older Asian lady appears at the desk and tells Randi she's looking for Chen. Randi is typically blasé and tells her to wait in chairs. Dr. Chen Sr. (for it is obviously she) sits down to Sally (and as soon as she does, blind mole rats that live underground can see what's about to happen), courteously says hello, and asks whether Sally works at County. Sally indicates her scrubs and says she's just wearing them because she got caught in the rain, but proudly says that her daughter works there. Dr. Chen Sr. says that her daughter does, too, and gives Chen's name. Sally says -- wait for it -- "Oh, the cute one! Pregnant!" Dr. Chen Sr. is like, "What?" Sally blathers on about how excited Dr. Chen Sr. must be, and how excited Sally would be if one of her children made her a grandmother. Dr. Chen Sr. gives her a priceless "shut up, crazy woman" look, and curtly tells Sally she must be thinking of someone else. Just then, of course, Chen appears in all her fecund glory. Dr. Chen Sr. hurries over, gets a load of Chen's belly, and gasps, "Oh my GAWD." Heh. Chen wearily asks what Dr. Chen Sr. is doing at County, and Dr. Chen Sr. says that she wanted to invite Chen for Thanksgiving dinner. She asks, as a follow-up, why Chen didn't tell her parents about her pregnancy, and Chen says it's because she "didn't know how." Dr. Chen Sr. exhorts her to come to dinner. Chen asks, "Is everyone coming?" As if incredulous that there could be another answer, Dr. Chen Sr. says, "Yes!" Because Christopher Chulack wasn't subtle enough with the shot of Sally and Dr. Chen Sr. posed exactly in the center of the frame, as if symmetrically, Dr. Chen Sr.'s face fuzzes out of focus and we see Carter over Dr. Chen Sr.'s left shoulder, watching the conversation. Chen says that she has no interest in making her first pregnant appearance in front of "all those people," and Dr. Chen Sr. gasps, "They're your family!" Chen: "No." Dr. Chen Sr.: "Please." Rinse. Repeat. Carter appears at Chen's side and tells her she's needed in exam one; Chen allows him to drag her off, adding as she goes, "Don't tell Baba." Dr. Chen Sr. calls, "We miss you!" Chen says she knows. In the empty exam room, an amused Carter says that she looked like she needed rescuing; she thanks him, sighing. Carter is cute when he smiles.
Finch pages Benton since a breast-cancer patient of his is back with severe pain in her back. Since this whole plot only exists to allow Finch to make a spurious point later, I'll shorthand it: the patient is black. She's in horrible pain, with mets to her spine. She needs drugs. Her local pharmacy can't get her any more morphine because, after numerous robberies, they no longer carry it. He can't give her any drugs until tomorrow because the outpatient pharmacy is closed for the holiday. When Benton tries to admit her for pain control, her HMO refuses it. The American health-insurance industry sucks donkey cock for crack money.
Elizabeth tells Mark that Romano told her not to speak to anyone about the lawsuit. Mark points out that she has to respond to the suit, and that though Romano told Elizabeth he'd handle it, he probably meant that he'd hang her out to dry: true. He tells her that he'll set up a meeting between her and some guy he knows in the hospital's Risk Management department. She thanks him, and observes that he looks tired. He says she does, too. She moans that she shouldn't be "dragging [him] into this." He distractedly reminds her that they're getting married, and that he has no choice but to be dragged into it. Without going into it, someone close to me got sued in a pretty much baseless action a few years ago and it was three exhausting months before it was settled. It's a really shitty experience. Anyway, Lydia shows up to tell Mark someone's waiting for him, and he kisses Elizabeth and books. Oh, and I have also had the experience of working with my spouse; you don't kiss in front of your co-workers -- particularly not in the workplace -- because it grosses them out. ["I see you got the memo." -- Sars] Mind you, that caveat applies to Mark's kissing anyone, in any setting, at any point in human history, on any planet.
Some spinny broad screeches "It's Now or Never" in chairs. Sally, sitting beside her, is apparently transfixed by the horror of it. Carter shows up at the desk to ask Randi (leafing through the recent Glamour with Sarah Michelle Gellar on its cover) the score of the football game (which I don't care to repeat, because, who cares), and to observe that "Judy is back for a return engagement." Randi confirms that Judy is, indeed, working on Elvis's greatest hits. Carter gets his bitch on over some x-rays, adding that he has three patients waiting, like, we're so impressed, Pilly Idol, not. Randi tells him that there's only one file clerk working, due to the holiday, and Carter snaps that she doesn't "look too busy," and she sardonically asks him whether he wants to cover the phones, which settles his hash for him; he sniffs that he'll go get the x-rays himself. Geez, don't break a nail while you do it, Princess. On his way out from behind the desk, he runs into Lisa, who's clad in fresh scrubs and staring at Sally. Carter asks Lisa how long he's going to make Sally wait, and Lisa gives the non-answer, "She's supposed to be on a bus!" Carter asks whether she's going to talk to Sally, and Lisa snaps, "I've been talking to her my entire life. There's nothing left to say." Randi joins them, and Lisa blindsides her by asking her to call Security on Sally. "Security?" Carter repeats, chuckling. Lisa gets fed up with Sally's offensive...sitting...quietly...whatever, and stomps over to her. Seeing her stomp over, Sally jumps up and repeats Lisa's name a few times. (Judy, by now, has moved on to "Are You Lonesome Tonight," and she's perfectly framed in the space between Sally's and Abby's bodies, because Christopher Chulack is a hack.) Lisa hisses, "You! Listen, what are you trying to prove?" Sally -- also singing an old and tiresome refrain -- tells Lisa she's her daughter. Lisa essentially asks Judy to shut up, and Sally promises, "I'll take my medicine, I'll get a job -- whatever it takes!" Lisa replies that they both know that won't happen. She starts stomping off, and Sally tells her that she's not going anywhere until Lisa talks to her. Without turning back, Lisa tells her to "go back to Florida."
Lydia conveniently interrupts with a request for a monitored bed; a guy on a gurney -- apparently a twenty-five-year-old employee of the hospital pharmacy -- seems to be having a rather lethargic seizure. He throws up on Chuny's hand. Elizabeth diagnoses a probable brain bleed. He's still freaking out. Lisa calls for hard restraints, and Elizabeth replies, "How about we paralyze and intubate?" Yeah, I hear you're an old hand at that. As Pharmacy Dude continues flailing around, Lisa pulls something out of his pants. Here's what a farmgirl I am: I thought it was a lollipop with a bunch of black gunk on it, but evidently it's actually a crack pipe. Oh, leave me alone, we don't have crack in Canada. Lisa suggests a tox screen. They paralyze him; Elizabeth goes to intubate, and is overcome with apparent nausea. Lisa suggests that Elizabeth sit down, but Elizabeth insists that she's all right, and tries again with the tube; finally, she loses it, and throws up into an emesis basin proffered by Lydia. Elizabeth, very embarrassed, apologizes a bunch of times, and, her head still down, tells Lisa to intubate and talks her through it. Chen appears; Lisa fills her in on recent events, and Chen leans over to Elizabeth and tells her to go lie down. Elizabeth hesitates for about half a second, then takes off. Once her head moves out of the frame, we see Sally's through the window behind her. Then, the tube successfully installed, Lisa also sees Sally. Sally: hopeful and desperate. Lisa: disgusted and weary. Got it.
In Radiology, Carter confirms that the x-rays show nothing wrong with The Late Anthony Lee's knee. He prepares to scorch The Late Anthony Lee with the fire of his moral righteousness until the radiologist adds that he also performed an ultrasound on The Late Anthony Lee's knee, and that it turned up a big clot. D'oh! Carter asks where The Late Anthony Lee is, and the radiologist tells him that the guy was a pain in the ass, tried to bum an El token at the desk, and then left. Carter's all, "You just let him leave?" as if he weren't responsible for The Late Anthony Lee, and the radiologist is all, "I'm not a hall monitor." Yeah. Stick it to Carter, radiologist!
Cue the hard-pumping Synthesizer of Imminent Doom...or Redemption? Carter runs through the halls, out into the pouring rain (and, hey, too bad about the rain, because it would probably be a lot easier to find The Late Anthony Lee if it weren't raining so hard), and onto an El platform, where The Late Anthony Lee has duly collapsed. Nice one, Carter.
I love, love the Amazon.com ads with the cheerful old-school men's choirs. "You'll never guess what I got you! Is it red or is it blue? You'll never guess what I got you at Amazon dot com!" The "you're the creator of, you're the purveyor of, you're the author of" Apple ads with Jeff Goldblum? Less. Okay, not at all. Quite the opposite, in fact.
So Carter rushes The Late Anthony Lee back to the hospital. It doesn't look good. He tells Carter about the clot and orders her to do something with...who really cares? Really? Chuny tells him that she has to "do the checklist," and Carter is all overwrought "there's no time!" without adding, "because I fucked up so large!" The usual "do it"/"no way, man" power struggle ensues. Chuny tells Carter she will not sign her name to The Late Anthony Lee's chart, and storms out.
Benton shows up at the desk, where Randi gives him the gossip that Pharmacy Dude was cooking crystal meth in the lab downstairs. Oh. Paging Dr. Down-- nah, too easy. Finch shows up to tell Benton that the HMO of his former breast-cancer patient (Debbie Marlin) won't allow the hospital to admit her for pain management. Benton's all, "Dude, that sucks," and Finch is like, "'that sucks'? That's all you have to say?" Okay, actually, he tells Finch to tell Debbie to call her HMO in the morning, and Finch snaps, "Oh, should she do that before or after she takes the bus across town to refill her prescription?" Benton tells her they've done all they can, which I'm sure is true (given that the system sucks donkey cock; see above), and she keeps telling him that Debbie's in pain, which I'm sure is also true, and Benton is like, "What am I supposed to do?" and Finch, who suddenly has a big old microchip on her shoulder, snaps that Debbie would be better off without insurance, since then they'd have to admit her and County would pay for it. But wouldn't...she...still get a bill? I don't get how your stupid system works. Plus wasn't Finch all up in Carter's grill last season when he falsified records for Husky Lad and Husky Dad, also to get around the insurance company? Oh, but the Huskies were white. Anyway, Finch flounces off, and Mark asks Benton how Jackie is. Benton says she's doing as well as can be expected. He leaves, and Mark asks Randi how long Sally will be sitting in chairs. Randi deadpans, "I bet three days. Wanna join the pool?" Shout-out to Sars's and my frequent betting on our stupid TV shows? Mark declines the pool invitation.
Dude.
So Sally's like, "You have to see me, I am not just a disease, I'm the only mother you'll ever have, and you'll have to deal with me. I didn't choose to be sick!" Lisa bellows, "You never tried to get better!" Sally hesitates a moment and then sobs, "I can't make things different." Lisa agrees: "That's right. You can't. So now, just go home." Sally watches Lisa storm back inside, and then slicks back her soaking-wet hair with her hands...
...just as -- yay! -- Weaver does the same, in her shower, singing along loudly to "Rescue Me." The scene goes on a really long time, I guess to establish that she's in a good mood. And to tie the episode title into the episode content, obviously.
In Radiology, Mark is telling...I'm just going to call him Dr. No, that he "couldn't talk. The words just wouldn't come out." And it was the best minute of Wing Chun's life. Dr. No asks whether Mark's had any "other symptoms," like change of vision, headaches, or syncope. Mark says there's been nothing significant, although his "neck's been sore from hockey." Dr. No suggests that Mark could have "atypical migraine" or "cerebritis." Okay, never tell a migraine sufferer (me) that the symptoms of migraine can be confused with symptoms of brain tumours, because I don't need that kind of temptation to be even more of a hypochondriac. Dr. No asks whether Mark's been under stress lately, and Mark replies, "Who isn't?" Dr. No motions for Mark to lay down for a CT-scan. More Chu-HACK fish-eye. Mark looks scared. Oh, as if he's even going to die. Edwards is probably on contract to this show until 2080.
Long story short: Chen tells Elizabeth she's pregnant. Elizabeth's all "that's impossible" and Chen gives her a look like, "You live with Mark, so I suppose you could actually be celibate right now." Chen invites Elizabeth to lie down, which she does.
Cut back to Mark, also flat on his back and looking anxious. I know this is supposed to show their symmetry -- soulmates, psychic bond, blah -- but given they're both strawberry blonds, it really just makes them seem more like the Bobbsey Twins than ever. These two? Fraternal. Not carnal. Anyway, the scan over, Mark gets up and stares at several dozen images of his brain. And he has a tumour. Mark asks Dr. No how bad it is, and Dr. No declines to offer a diagnosis, and tells Mark to see a neurosurgeon "right away." I make an appointment to see one too, just in case.
Teri and Howie: I swear to god, shut up. Now. She is like the original scary clown at this point.
Weaver and Mitchell are out having dinner in a schmancy restaurant. Weaver's telling a funny story about a guy she treated who swallowed a bunch of nails and various metal tools and such. Mitchell is eating it up with a spoon, although Elizabeth Mitchell's fake laugh is...really fake. Weaver says, "So my husband says to me, 'You've gotta go in there and consent this guy.'" "You were married?" Mitchell asks, immediately. Weaver pauses in her hilarity to confirm that she was: "He was a surgical resident." "Was" at the time the events of this story were taking place? "Was," and now he's a surgeon? "Was," and now he's deceased? We will not find out tonight. Weaver resumes her story just in time for the punchline: she asked him how he got all the hardware down, and the patient replied, "A good Chablis." Ba-dum-bump. Weaver starts cackling again, doubles over with giggles, and tips over her wine glass. She apologizes profusely, and Mitchell says it's all right: "You missed most of me." Dude, what is up with Mitchell's hair? Either curl it all the way to the ends, or wear it straight. It looks like a wig that's been crumpled up in a wet paper sack and jammed into a hobo's bedroll.
Mark sits pensively outside the hospital, musing about life and love and his own mortality. Chen walks out and joins him to ask whether he's okay, and he tells her he's just heading out.
Lisa trucks down the hall and runs into Carter, escorting The Late Anthony Lee toward Surgery. He asks what happened to her; she doesn't know what he means, so he indicates his own hair by way of asking about hers, and she says she went for a walk. "In the rain?" he asks nosily, and she changes the subject by asking after The Late Anthony Lee. He tells her the story minus the controversy, and asks her if she needs any help. She indicates a bag in her hand and says she's just starting an IV, but he explains that he means help with Sally. Lisa smiles at the offer, but declines: "Every time she goes off her meds, she says she's not going to do it again; why should this time be any different?" Carter, not realizing it's a rhetorical question, exhales, "I don't know," and Lisa looks in and observes that her patient is smoking "again," and takes the convenient excuse to leave the conversation.
In the most ridiculous smoke-related scene since Carol blew pot smoke into that guy's mouth two seasons ago, Lisa's patient is, in fact, lying in his hospital bed, smoking. Lisa halfheartedly tells him that he's supposed to go outside to smoke, and he whines, "In the rain? I've got pneumonia." Lisa hangs up his IV bag and mutters to herself, "Man, that's smelling weird." He demands an ashtray and she hands him an emesis basin, sarcastically asking whether she can get him anything else; apparently, he would like an extra pillow, as well.
In the hall, Sally appeals to Carter to talk to Lisa about letting Sally stay in town. Carter seems on the point of weaselling out of the assignment when...yeah, there it is -- an explosion. Sally immediately starts screaming hysterically that "Abby's in there! Abby's in there!" and Carter tells her to stay where she is as he runs in to get her. There's a blue flame from, I think, an oxygen tank. Carter finds Lisa on the floor and asks her if her neck is okay; she nods. Luka is into the breach, and asks Carter whether Lisa's airway is clear; Carter tells him it is, picks Lisa up in his arms, and carries her out into the hall. Luka attends to Mr. Smokington. Once in the hall, Sally keeps flitting around her even after Carter politely asks her to give him room to examine her. Lisa says that she has some chest pain on her right side. Sally watches, aghast.
The rain, it raineth every day. Chen appears at her parents' back kitchen door, where Dr. Chen Sr. is presiding over a number of catering trays. They embrace, and Dr. Chen Sr. says she's glad Chen came. Chen asks who's there, and Dr. Chen Sr. proudly says, "Everybody." "Ah. Great," murmurs Chen. Dr. Chen Sr. says she'll go get Chen's dad, and Chen asks, "You didn't tell Baba yet?" "You asked me not to," Dr. Chen Sr. reminds her. Chen's like, "Oh, right." Dr. Chen Sr. says that he'll be okay: "Shocked, but okay. You underestimate us, Jing-Mei. You've always underestimated us." Chen takes a breath, and then asks, sadly, "Mommy, would you love the baby if the father is black?" Dr. Chen Sr.'s face draws itself into a horrified pucker. "He's black," Chen tells her, quietly. Dr. Chen Sr. has no response. Chen rolls her eyes miserably and takes off, muttering, "That's what I thought." Dr. Chen Sr. calls her name, and Chen turns back, at the door, to say, "It's okay, Mommy. That's why I didn't tell you." I suspect this isn't the end, and that Dr. Chen Sr. will argue that Chen didn't give her a chance to take in the news, and blah.
At the hospital, "Dr." Dave Malucci has evidently just started his shift, since he's ineffectually picking through the wreckage of Mr. Smokington's room, asking what caused the explosion. A fire fighter says that it was ether, and that the guys who were using the pharmacy as a meth lab were transporting the ether in IV bags. Logistics of evacuationcakes.
Carter listens to Lisa's breathing. She asks him to let her down: "Because I'm okay, and I could help." He tells her she may not, until he gets a chest x-ray. I don't need one. Oh, Abby, let him help you. Okay, okay. Luka shows up to ask how she is, and Carter -- reproachful, for some reason -- tells Luka without looking up that she cracked her rib. Lisa asks after Mr. Smokington, and Luka says he's going -- all together now -- to the burn unit! Poetic justice, your table is ready! Luka asks Carter about The Late Anthony Lee, and Carter gloats that he was right, and there was no brain bleed. Carter escorts Lisa up to Radiology. Sally looks moist. Get gone, Sally.
At the restaurant, Mitchell is apparently telling a story about a guy -- maybe her dad? or her brother? It took place nineteen years ago -- who died in front of her. Oh my god, her hair looks so bad. Another patented Chu-HACK shot of them framed in the exact center of the shot, leaning toward each other over the table. Mitchell makes an embarrassed joke about getting them off on a depressing tangent, and reaches over to squeeze Weaver's hand. Dude, on Buffy, that's x-rated foreplay! Mitchell observes that it looks like they're going to close the restaurant down. Weaver withdraws her hand a tiny bit too quickly, just as the waiter appears with the bill. They fight over which of them may pay for the meal, and Mitchell wins. Mitchell comments, "You know, this is our second meal together. Some people might consider a second dinner a date." "A date?" chuckles Weaver, feebly. "You do know I'm gay, right?" says Mitchell, and before the line is completely out of her mouth, Weaver's stepping on it: "Of course I do, I mean, I don't have a problem with it. I have gay friends." Oh, dear. Not the "I have ______ friends" line. So hackneyed. Mitchell looks totally crestfallen, but she tries to hold it together and says, "Oh. Oh, I'm sorry, Kerry, I misread this." Weaver gently apologizes for having given the wrong impression. Mitchell exposits that Weaver's called her down for eight Psych consults in the past week. Yeah -- ouch, right there. Weaver, you are so busted on your crush. Drop the chalupa. But drop the chalupa she will not: "We work well together." Mitchell says that her instincts are usually a lot more reliable, and then it's time for Weaver to trip over her own feet with the disclaimers on how beautiful Mitchell is, and yet, how very straight Weaver is. Mitchell's like, "Okay." Weaver cannot stop herself talking and gets a little choked up but can't think why, and Mitchell's like, "It's really fine," and Weaver breathes, "I guess I never even really considered this." She gazes evenly into Mitchell's eyes. Another brilliant scene from Laura "Smooth Like Guinness" Innes.
Finch, Benton, and Reese take the El to her cousin's house. She remarks that Benton hasn't said a word since they left the hospital: "We can talk to each other. That's what people do in relationships." Benton reluctantly offers that he's "pissed" that Romano's docking his pay for punching Dr. Dave. This seems to satisfy Finch, who says that Benton should be furious, since Dr. Dave was way out of line, adding, "Not that I'm surprised." Benton asks her what that's supposed to mean, and she snorts, "You get docked because Malucci's a jackass. Your nephew gets crappy care because they assume he's a banger. And today our patient couldn't get her meds!" Benton wearily tells her that she needs "to stop trying to teach everybody how to be black!" Finch gives him a neck snap and scoffs that he needs to face reality: "Debbie Marlin couldn't get the pain medication she needed today because her pharmacy was in a black. Neighbourhood." Benton snaps, "You grew up in the suburbs. What the hell do you know about that woman's problems?" Finch demands, "What, and I can't relate because I wasn't poor?" Benton replies, "No, I mean, I'm just saying, you know what? I know who I am. I don't have anything to prove." Finch snips, "And I do because my mother's white?" Hee -- there's a cute shot of Reese, with only his eyes visible, watching Finch over the collar of his little parka. Benton tells Finch he didn't say that, but it's too late; she gets up and storms to the door. He tells her that this isn't their stop, but she barks, "It's mine. I don't want to see you tonight." They're on their way to her cousin's house. Save the hissyfit for after dinner, biznatch. I'm told that, at this point, Glark screamed, "She's HIGH-MAINTENANCE! Let her go!" And he was right.
Carter confirms that Lisa broke her rib, though her lungs are clear. He offers to write her discharge orders, and she sheepishly tells him he doesn't have to, so he goes all hearty-dad on her ass, telling her he won't write orders ("since you asked nicely" is not said, but implied) but that she had a loss of consciousness and a concussion, so he'll call her later. She thanks him sincerely. Walking past chairs, she sees Sally, all dressed in her now-dry clothes and waiting hopefully for Lisa to appear and, yes, RESCUE HER. Lisa walks past her, then stops, very reluctantly turns back, and beckons for Sally to join her. Sally flutters over, and they walk out together under a borrowed umbrella. Because it's still fucking raining.
Villa Valium. Elizabeth arrives home; Mark's already cooking, and she tells him it smells good. She offers to help with the salad, and he accepts the offer. She screws up her courage and tells him very ponderously that, although it's "not exactly the best time," she's pregnant. She shows him the ultrasound photo, and asks him what he's thinking. He stares unseeingly at the picture and tells him he thinks it's wonderful. She, very relieved, throws her arms around him and tells him she loves him. He looks shell-shocked, but tells her hair, "I love you too." Well, sure. They have the same parents. They grew up together. Of course they love each other. THEY ARE BROTHER AND SISTER.
Oh, and this episode is dedicated to the memory of The Late Anthony Lee, R.I.P.
week: NBC thoughtfully lets me take my twenty-sixth birthday off. It's about gee-dee time!