Mega props this week to Stee, Jessica, and Megyn for making our visit to Los Angeles so MBTV-tastic, and to Benzoate, the lovely Mrs. B., and their boy Blue for generously allowing Glark and me to crash on theirs, the most comfortable sofa bed in creation, and then for going out, while we slumbered Sunday morning, to get us a dozen Krispy Kreme. Best hosts ever! Mega props to Sars, as well, for covering all the new recaps on my team while I was away. So I'd like to apologize for the lateness of this recap by saying that I was in Los Angeles from midday Friday to very late Monday night. And I'd like to apologize for the crappiness of this recap by saying that I got sick on Sunday night and am still dragging my ass. Now that I've oversold it, on to the recap!
Previously on ER: Carter accused Abby of being on drugs when she accused him of the same thing; then she got her ass bounced out of the ER when her bum ex-husband didn't pay her tuition; Romano peed, and, while doing so, offered Benton a job as a resident on the condition that Benton was "on the team"; and Chen found out she was pregnant.
Wearing an oversized army-green robe and very little else, a very wet Elizabeth "Power Surgeon" Corday stomps up and outdoor flight of stairs up to an apartment buzzer. She angrily punches in a code and is buzzed in.
Seconds later, she's shoving her way shoulder-first into Mark's apartment. Lips set in a grim line, she slams a...parking ticket down on the kitchen table. It doesn't have that much impact. Because it's a parking ticket. You know. It's just a little slip of paper. But still, you can tell she's pissed. "Did you catch her?" asks "Ranger" Mark Greene. Elizabeth spits, "Oh, yes. I caught her. But once she starts writing, she can't stop. Heaven forbid. I should have jammed that pen into her carotid artery." Mark, apparently in a provoking mood, drawls, "I think they double the fine once you draw blood." Elizabeth declares that he needs to move to a building with guest parking. In a tone that suggests that this is an argument they've had several times before, Mark tells her to take his parking spot. She snaps, "I don't want your spot!" Having poured a cup of coffee, she sets it on the counter and goes to the fridge for some milk; she takes the carton out, regards it for a moment, and growls, "Damn." Mark, eating cereal (and, if you will, putting the "milque" in "milquetoast"), ingenuously asks, "What?" She smiles sweetly and replies, "No milk." Around a mouthful of cereal, Mark offers her some of hers. Elizabeth hisses, "A grown man. You put an empty milk carton back into the refrigerator?" He protests that it's not empty. With silent contempt, Elizabeth slams the fridge door and stomps to the sink, where she up-ends the carton and drizzles about a tablespoonful of milk down the drain. "Now it's empty," cracks Mark, unwisely.
Elizabeth continues her descent into madness: "Not that [the fridge] chills anything cooler than room temperature anyway." Mark snickers, "It's just a parking ticket!" Elizabeth bellows, "It's not just the ticket! It's that I had to go chasing down there half-dressed with my hair wet!" Mark reminds her that he'd said he'd go, and she yells back, "Yeah, but you didn't, did you?" Mark says she didn't give him a chance, and she snaps, "You weren't fast enough." She flounces into the bathroom and he calls after her that he'll pay the ticket: "Calm down. I paid the other ones." The bathroom door creaks closed on its hinges, then slowly creaks back open. "What?" she asks, with steely restraint. Mark realizes his mistake and admits, "Let's just say it wasn't your first ticket." Elizabeth breathes, "You stole parking tickets off my windshield." "Just two," Mark interjects. "And paid them without telling me." Mark says that he was trying to avoid "...this." Elizabeth announces that's it: "I'm not staying here anymore." As long as you can extend the terms of that pledge to preclude him from staying at your place, and to prohibit the homes of friends, acquaintances, family members, and any hotels in the greater Chicago area, you'll really have something, Dr. Corday. "Here we go," Mark mutters. Elizabeth continues: "Every faucet leaks. Your toilet actually rocks....And there are creatures scurrying about in the walls. Do you know what scurries about in walls, Mark?" Giggling some more, Mark guesses, "Bunnies?" To my very great dismay, this does not prove to be Elizabeth's cue to tear out of the bathroom and tear him a new one, preferably on his face. In fact, she says nothing, so he asks whether she wants to take the El to work, or drive. In the bathroom, she starts her blowdryer (I assume it's hers -- it's not like he'd need one), shorts out the electricity in the apartment, and emits a shriek of transcendent, inarticulate rage. I get in moods like that sometimes. We call those "weekdays." Sometimes I think that if I see one more of Glark's socks on the floor beside the laundry hamper that I'll have to smother him with it. These grievances have a way of accumulating, is all.
John "Here Comes the Twelvestepper" Carter strolls into a bright hallway outside a meeting room somewhere. Public library? Unitarian church? Community rec centre? Progressive gay bar? I don't know, call it. Some bald dude wanders in, struggling with a huge coffee urn and a few packaged store-bought pastries; Carter relieves him of the pastries and asks whether he's found the AA meeting. Coffee Dude snorts, "How'd you guess?" and introduces himself as Brant. Shouldn't everyone be chain-smoking? Brant carries the coffee into the actual meeting room, where a woman at the podium has just started reading off the twelve steps. Blah blah, recovering alcoholics drink a lot of coffee, blah blah blah clichécakes. Brant asks whether it's Carter's first time at a meeting, and Carter says, "Here? Yeah." Brant tells him, "It's a good group." Carter finds a seat and glances around. He spots a woman tucking her bobbed brown hair behind her ear. He fixes on her, and after a moment he catches her eye: it's Abby "Lisa" Lockhart. She smiles sadly, and looks down. Carter smiles back. You know who should really be looking to hook up? Someone in recovery. And you know who'd make a really great choice as a partner? Someone else in recovery. Except, not.
In the lobby, Doris begs Kerry "Basket" Weaver to take a patient off her hands since he's "driving [her] crazy." "Same here," grunts a gravelly voice. That's right. Mr. Fletcher's back. He's having problems with his shunt because he missed dialysis again. "Only one day late, huh?" says Weaver by way of small talk. "You? No, not you," protests Mr. Fletcher. Doris somehow intuits that Weaver knows Mr. Fletcher. As Weaver is telling Doris that he's one of County's regulars, her beeper goes off, and she asks Cleo "DiCrapio" Finch to take him. Cleo reluctantly makes for Mr. Fletcher's gurney and notes, "I see you called 911 again." Mr. Fletcher says that they're faster than the El. Weaver crutches into a curtain area where Mark is checking a patient's legs. She asks Mark if he's ready and Mark says he'll be a minute. Weaver sheepishly says, "I don't want to keep him waiting." Mark tells her again that he'll be a minute.
Upstairs, the "him" they're discussing -- yes, Carter -- is wearing a natty dark grey suit and sitting in a waiting room. We hear the voice of Peter "Pup" Benton before we see him; he's droning orders at Shirley. As he prepares to head into his office, with Reese in tow, Carter stands and firmly says, "Dr. Benton." Benton greets him warmly and asks what Carter's doing there. Carter quietly replies, "I have a meeting," and Benton, suddenly remembering what it's about, says, "Oh. Right." Carter says hi to Shirley, who returns the greeting. Last-minute admincakes, and Shirley books, but not before telling Carter it's good to see him again. Carter congratulates Benton on his new position. Benton thanks him perfunctorily and tells Carter he's looking good. Carter self-deprecates, "I couldn't look much worse than the last time you saw me," and waves at Reese, commenting on how big he is (which he is! Aw, Reese). Carter sits back down, attempting to end the awkward moment. Benton says he'll see Carter later, and Carter smirks, "I don't know. Maybe. We'll see!" Benton says, "Aaagghgh," in a "you've got it sewn up" voice, and wishes him luck. Carter stares straight ahead, nervously tapping each of his fingers in turn against his thumb.
Mark and Weaver make their way from the ER to their meeting with Carter. Mark asks when Carter wants to start; Weaver says, "As soon as possible," but Mark doesn't think that's such a good idea. As Mark and Weaver continue past, paramedics wheel in a woman with an altered mental state, brief loss of consciousness, and a weak grip in her right hand. Uh oh. Toddling along at the head of the gurney is "Cool Hand" Luka Kovac. So it doesn't look good for this woman. He'll kill her dead within minutes. Minutes, I say! Look at his record! Anyway, he asks if the woman accompanying the patient whether there's a history of stroke; her companion says there is. Mark and Kerry wander back into the frame; Weaver is saying that Carter is "eager to get back to work." Mark passive-aggressively asks whether it's wise to "throw him back in the deep end," and Weaver patiently explains that they'll start him on half shifts, a few days a week. "In the same place he started using," Mark concludes. No, Mark -- IN THE CAFETERIA. She: he's doing a program every day. He: Carter can afford to take time off. She: we'll monitor his progress and if he starts to slip... He: if he starts to slip it's too late. The elevator doors close on the Bickersons.
Elsewhere, a woman Joey might possibly have hit on in the first season of Friends runs into the ER screaming for someone to help her. Chuny asks her what's wrong, and the woman says she's only twenty-two weeks pregnant. Chuny hustles Screamy Mom over to a chair and tries to calm her down. Chuny then hurries over to the curtain area where Jing-Mei "Deb" Chen is examining a patient, and calls Chen away to see SM. Chen assures SM that she's probably just having Braxton-Hicks contractions. SM tells Chen that she's experiencing contractions every three minutes, and Chen smoothly tells Chen to get a gurney and clear a trauma room. Remember when Carol was pregnant and every pregnant woman who even thought about County General ended up crossing her path? Okay, just checking. SM tells Chen her name is Regina (my hometown -- shout-out?). Chen tells Regina not to worry, and not to push.
Okay, not every pregnant woman is crossing Chen's path; another one's up in OB, being examined by a desultory Lisa, wearing pink nurse's scrubs, and phoning it in. Lisa tells Upstairs Mom that she's dilated four, almost five centimetres. UM says argues that she was dilated four centimetres two hours ago, and Lisa's like, "Whatever, I could be pretending to perform CPR on a dead woman right now if not for my jerk-ass ex-husband, so just stick a four-centimetre sock in it, because I don't care, and won't pretend to. I mean, you're doing fine." Mr. UM ["who played Andrea's med-student boyfriend on , and who is also my mother's hairdresser's nephew...not that anyone cares" -- Sars] asks to see Dr. Coburn (a.k.a. Dr. Amy Aquino), but she's doing a C-section, so Lisa offers to roll UM onto her side and make her more comfortable in the meantime. Some lackey appears at the door and tells Lisa she's needed "downstairs." Lisa asks, "Where?" and Lackey says, "Duh. What's this show called again?" and Lisa says, "Right." UM whines, "You're not leaving, are you?" Lisa says, "Damn straight," and books without a backward glance. More interesting duty calls.
Luka pushes aside the folds of his black shroud to shine a light in Stroke Lady's eye and ask if she knows where she is. SL mumbles something indecipherable to someone who hadn't spent a great deal of time with her, and the woman who came in with SL replies, "Let the doctor check you out, first." Luka asks what SL said, and SL's caretaker says, "She wants to go home." Luka says, "She's in a-fib. Probably triggered a new stroke." He asks SL's caretaker whether she provides twenty-four-hour care, and SL's caretaker says that she does. Luka asks whether SL has any family, and SL's caretaker offers, "No, not that she's in contact with." Luka asks the attending Conni to call Psych. "Psych?!" repeats SL's caretaker, and Luka says, "Just kidding. Psych!" Psych; he really says that after the latest stroke, SL might not be competent to make her own medical decisions, and that someone in Psych needs to determine that. As an alternative, he can always challenge Stroke Lady to a game of chess.
Lisa pushes open the door to Stroke Lady's trauma room and is redirected to the one adjacent, where Regina (formerly Screamy Mom) is crying and freaking out. Chuny tells Regina that her husband's on his way. Lisa asks Chen how far along Regina is, and, hearing the answer of twenty-two weeks, mutters, "Let's hope it's a few more." Regina moans, "Stop it! Please, stop it!" Chen asks where the resident is, and Lisa brightly answers, "You got me instead." Chen gives her Regina's stats: her membranes are intact, but she's dilated to six centimetres and fully effaced. Regina labours mightily to regain the name of "Screamy Mom" by whining, "Can you stop it?" Lisa asks her whether she's had any ultrasounds during her pregnancy. Regina says that she had one a month ago and that her doctor said she was fine. Chen quietly fills Lisa in that Regina's doctor is in Indianapolis and that they're confirming the dates. Regina sobs, "Why is this happening?" Lisa flatly says, "Sometimes women go into pre-term labour for no apparent reason." Regina blubbers, "I shouldn't have come! I should have stayed home!" Lisa assures her that it's not her fault, and tells her that the fact that her membranes haven't ruptured is good, and that they're giving her something to help her baby's lungs mature, just in case. Regina suddenly rears up and growls, "Oh, no! I feel pressure!" As the Tympani of Danger start up on the soundtrack, Chen and Lisa exchange anxious looks. Lisa announces, "Strong contractions." Chen says that Regina is leaking amniotic fluid. Helping no one, Regina hysterically cries, "Make them stop! You've got to make them stop! It's too early!" Chen calls out drug orders, and Lisa adds, "Get a baby warmer in here." Regina seizes on the only part of the instructions she understands and screams, "NO! It's too early!" Oh, it is? The gestation period for a fetus isn't, in fact, twenty-two weeks? Oh, so that's why everyone is swarming your bed like a bunch of extraordinarily helpful and solicitous bees. And, what's that? You don't want to give birth right now? No problem. We'll just leave the little tyke up there. Mind you, you'll have to stick food, drink, various toys (I recommend Beanie Babies as the easiest to form into a shape conducive for introduction to the womb), and maybe eventually an iBook, and then he'll be set until he has to graduate from high school, at which time you'll be forced to cut the cord. Literally. Ma'am, your water just broke. Your baby is about to be born. All this "it's too early" and "make it stop" business? Really not helpful. Do shut up.
Mark and Weaver watch tensely as Carter shuffles papers in his hands. "Random urine tests," he reads. "Yes," Weaver replies. "And I get to pay for them too, I see," Carter observes. "Is that a problem?" Weaver asks blandly. Just as blandly, Carter says it isn't. As Mark pussies out by staring intently at his hands, Weaver adds, "In addition to the state Caduceus meetings, we'll require ninety NA [Narcotics Anonymous] or AA meetings within the first ninety days." Carter says that won't be a problem, since he's been attending meetings anyway. Weaver says that's good. She adds that the three of them will meet once a week, "just to, you know, check in -- make sure [he's] handling the stress."
Carter nods curtly and takes a pen from his pocket, joking weakly, "I came prepared." As he goes to sign it, Weaver over-explains, "The naltrexone binds to your opiate receptors --" "I know what it does," Carter interrupts her. She looks down. Carter, signing, continues, "It protects you. It blocks the euphoric effects of the narcotics." Perhaps since it's not clear whether the "you" refers to Carter himself, in the second person, or whether he means the naltrexone protects Mark and Weaver from having to worry about his fucking up in the ER again, Weaver gently notes, "It protects all of us." Mark -- who's heretofore been sitting uselessly by Weaver's side, as is his wont -- produces a bottle of prescription pills from his scrubs and tells Carter, "You need to, uh, begin today, if you want to begin work week." Carter inspects the label a moment. Mark pours a glass of water. Carter starts to put the bottle away, and then twigs to the rationale behind the water: "You want me to take it in front of you." Weaver says that they'll periodically monitor Carter's regimen. Carter asks, "How much?" Mark says it'll be fifty milligrams a day. Carter knocks back his dosage with a belt of water, and swallows. After a beat, he opens his mouth and moves his tongue aside to show them he hasn't hidden the pill. Mark and Weaver both start a bit, as if wounded. Carter realizes what he's done, and then shakes his head a little and says, "Sorry. That was, um --" Mark says it'll be difficult at first, but that they'll all work it out. Weaver sighs wearily, and then says they'll put Carter on the schedule for the following week, but nothing too heavy. Both her and Mark's beepers go off at once, and they both get up to leave. They both welcome him back, and Carter says, "Thank you. Thank you both." "Sure thing," says Mark breezily. No, Mark, he meant -- oh, forget it. Get lost, Goose. Left alone, Carter regards the water glasses and pitcher, and sighs.
Machines around Regina are beeping every which way. Yosh -- who has a new Rob-Thomas-from-Matchbox-Twenty hairdo that I can't say I like all that much -- ushers in Mr. Regina. Regina gives him the recap. He asks Chen whether Regina's in labour; Chen confirms that she is. Chuny comes in and announces that Regina's OB confirms the baby's age at twenty-one weeks, five days. "That's way too soon, right?" asks Mr. Regina. Dude, take it outside; there's already one imbecile named Regina in here. Lisa tells Regina that the medication they've been giving her is filling her lungs with fluid, so they're not going to give her any more. "I don't care! Stop the contractions!" squeals Regina. Lady, I already told you once. Your. Water. BROKE. What are they supposed to do, fill your placenta with Evian and seal it with duct tape? You can't put the genie back in the bottle. As it were. Mr. Regina leans over Regina to ask Lisa, "If the baby's born now, can it survive?" Lisa quickly and briefly shakes her head no. Regina screams, "Joseph! It's coming!" Lisa tells Regina, much as I just did, that she's going to deliver the baby and that there's nothing more they can do to stop it. Mark charges in and Chen recaps the story thus far. Lisa tells Regina to push, and Regina stupidly continues screaming, "No! No!" God, SHUT UP, REGINA, you stupid cow! Mark asks Chen whether she's got it under control, and Chen claims she does, but when she heads into Regina's action, she sorts of gasps and starts. Mark yells, "It's a boy." Joseph (formerly Mr. Regina) asks Mark if the baby is breathing. Weaver (when did she get here?) says that he is. Chen -- by now very pale -- asks Weaver to excuse her and runs out. Regina whines, "I don't hear anything. Is he alive?" Mark says he is. They put Regina's baby (let's call him Rex) into the baby warmer and as Regina moans, "Please save him! Please save my baby!" we fade out on Chen, struggling with her own inner...uh...well, demon.
"You're doing charts?" Weaver asks, barging in on Chen. Chen claims that she needed to catch up. Weaver stares her down, and Chen finally manages to meet Weaver's eye and offers, "Look, I'm really sorry about...with the baby." Weaver says it's all right: "Our reactions can surprise us sometimes, but you need to go back in there and manage your patient." Chen fusses with her pen for a minute and says, "I can't." Weaver gently reminds Chen that she's being considered for Chief Resident year" "People need to be able to look to you for leadership." Chen blurts, "I'm pregnant." Weaver doesn't look as surprised as you might think. Chen continues, "I didn't know what to do, and then eight weeks became twelve, and twelve became twenty." Weaver approaches, tentatively: "So, you're twenty weeks pregnant?" "Twenty-two," Chen says. Oh. All right, then. Chen adds, for those in the audience who've suffered head injuries, "You know, that baby was the size of mine." Thanks. Because I didn't get it before that. Oh, wait. I did. I got it. Weaver gently says, "Oh, sweetie. Why did you wait so long to tell me?" By way of answer, Chen says, "My parents are going to kill me." Weaver tells her to go home. Chen protests, "No..." but Weaver insists, and tells her they'll cover the rest of her shift, and work out her schedule tomorrow. Chen bites her lip. Here's what I don't get: who, when their boss tells them to leave work early, ever says no? It never happens. Never.
Oh, lord. Cleo runs her new beta of MS Flirt: Millennium Edition on Benton. It doesn't work. Send it back for bug testing. She hands off Mr. Fletcher's chart to him. Benton tries to get out of it on the basis that the last time Benton saw him, Mr. Fletcher yelled into his stethoscope. Cleo shoots back, "And he grabbed my ass. Suck it up. Come on. Be a man." She smiles, but the lights behind her eyes aren't working and the result is unnerving and creepy. Benton enters Mr. Fletcher's curtain area. Mr. Fletcher greets them, "What took you so long? I need to take a dump." Mr. Fletcher, c'est moi.
Lisa carries something down the hall that, at first, looks like Rex, but is, in fact, a couple of yellowish rubber gloves full of some kind of liquid. Mark, passing her, asks whether Rex is still hypothermic. She says he is, so Mark tells her to order another lamp, but she already has. She ushers the gloves in her hand into Regina's trauma room. Rex's pulse is down to ninety, according to Chuny. Lisa explains to Regina that the gloves are full of heated saline, to keep Rex warm while Regina holds him. Lisa glances around and asks, "Did your husband leave?" Regina said he went to -- OH MY GOD! The camera just cut to the baby's face, and it looks really gross. His head is huge and his face is tiny; his eyes aren't open and his skin is really grey. So, to review: rubber gloves full of saline look like a baby. The baby itself looks like a cross between an alien and a really old cabbage. Eccch. Anyway, Joseph is off looking for a priest, appropriately enough since that creature came straight from HADES, with one stop on JUPITER. But Regina claims it's to baptize the baby, not to perform last rites as they bury it deep beneath the earth's crust. Lisa tells Regina that there's a priest on call at the hospital, unless she and Joseph had someone specific in mind. Regina says they're only in town for a few days; she adds that her doctor told her she could travel during her second trimester. Lisa tells her that it probably would have happened whether Regina had been travelling or not. Regina, trying to keep it together, says, "We tried for almost two years to get pregnant, and finally gave up. And then, suddenly, I was! Look at him! He's hanging on. I counted ten little fingers and ten little toes. He looks perfect." Girlfriend, no one's going to quibble with your math, but he only looks perfect in comparison to, say, a lobster. Or perhaps a baby octopus. But not the cute kind. Ew, don't show it AGAIN! The memory of its appearance is still burned on my retinas. "He's just a little small," Regina deludes herself further. Yes. "A little small." And a lot UNGODLY. Lisa politely does not contradict Regina, but tries to prepare her for the inevitable: "Even if your baby was a few weeks older and somehow managed to survive, he would probably be plagued with --" "I know that's what you say because that's what you've seen," Regina interrupts, acting really badly now that she's no longer screaming, "but maybe he's meant to be a miracle. Sometimes you have to help a miracle along." Lisa replies, "And sometimes you have to let go." I wish someone had let go of the camera before aiming it at that "baby," because I am not going to be able to sleep tonight.
Luka hooks back up with Stroke Lady and her caretaker. He inspects some head CTs. SL's caretaker asks how bad it is, and Luka says, "I'm not sure I should discuss this with you....I can't share medical information with anyone but a family member." Didn't we all see If These Walls Could Talk 2? I mention it apropos of nothing. Not. SL's caretaker says, "Glenda and I are family!" Luka says, "I thought you were her nurse." Glenda (formerly Stroke Lady)'s caretaker explains, "No, I'm...we're partners." Luka says, "Oh. Right." If Glenda's doctor were Dr. Dave, I'd be speculating that he was imagining hot girl-on-stroke-victim action. But it's Luka, so I'm not. Luka tells Mrs. Glenda to sit down.
Mark wanders down the hall to Elizabeth, who is examining some x-rays on a light box. He leans his penis-head tentatively between her and the films and says, "Hey." She tells him, "It's safe; I've had my coffee." ["Dr. Corday, c'est moi." -- Sars] Mark suggests a date tonight, and she says, "Sure, as long as it's at my place." Mark says he was thinking of going out, and she reminds him that they're going out on Friday. They can't go out more than once a week? He tells her he "moved up the reservation." She: what reservation? He: it's a surprise. She: I'm fine, I just had an episode. He: I know, I'm used to it. Uh. "I'm used to it"? Not, "No you didn't, and anyway you had every right to be angry"? Good luck getting some ever again, doofus. Elizabeth looks affronted at his response, and he tells her it's at six o'clock, and that he thinks she'll like the place. She recovers and tells him that his patient has an abscess around L-4 and L-5. He accuses her of poaching his patients. Whatever.
Luka carefully sets his scythe against the wall and tells Mrs. Glenda, "There can be some improvement in the first twenty-four hours after a stroke, but in Glenda's case, I'm afraid there's too much brain damage." "So she'll never recover," Mrs. Glenda concludes. "Maybe slightly," Luka starts to reply, until some random nurse runs in to say that Glenda's sats are dropping. Weaver's in working on her when Luka arrives. He takes over orders and gives Weaver Glenda's vital statistics. Weaver gently tells Glenda that they may have to intubate her to help her breathe. Glenda mumbles a response, and Weaver asks, "Do you know where you are?" The same random nurse tells Weaver that Psych saw Glenda, and that the note says she's not competent. Mrs. Glenda interjects, "I think she's just confused." Weaver asks Mrs. Glenda whether Glenda has a DNR order, and Mrs. Glenda says, "I don't think she'd want to be put on a ventilator, if that's what you're asking." Weaver curtly asks, "Are you a family member?" Glenda starts to answer, but Luka interrupts, "No, she's her...they're together." Weaver takes this in, and then asks Mrs. Glenda whether she has power of attorney. Mrs. Glenda, getting flustered because she sees where this is going, replies, "No. I guess I should, but we didn't do that." Conni says Glenda's sats are climbing, and Luka orders that they keep her on fifteen litres by mask. "She's okay?" Mrs. Glenda asks anxiously. Weaver explains, "For now, but if the pneumonia progresses, we'll have to intubate her, unless a family member directs us not to." "Or a spouse," Mrs. Glenda offers, hopefully. Weaver agrees, kind of: "One recognized by law." D'oh! Damn homophobes in Washington. Or Illinois. Well, everywhere, really. Luka glances at Weaver, then looks back down at Glenda. Mrs. Glenda breathes, "Can you do it by phone?" Weaver says they can, if Mrs. Glenda can verify an out-of-town relative. Disheartened, Mrs. Glenda says that Glenda has a brother in Houston.
At the desk, Yosh is saying that he's never seen a preemie so small you can hold it in one hand. Ew, why would you WANT TO? You should handle that thing with fucking tongs, dude, while wearing a biohazard suit, because god only knows what kind of otherworldly sputum might issue forth from its alien gullet. Benton says that he once delivered a seven-hundred-gram baby in med school. Randi says she doesn't even want to look. Randi is wise. Lisa appears and asks Randi to page the chaplain on call. Okay, I take back what I said about Randi's wisdom, because she's wearing a backless halter top that shows such a huge expanse of non-cleavage chest that she's less Randi than she is CameRandiAz. And an armlet. What is this, ER 54? Randi tells Lisa that she already paged the chaplain at Rex's father's request, but that the chaplain will be a few hours. Lisa testily says that they don't have a few hours, and Randi rounds on her and says, "He's helping talk down a jumper from the State Street bridge." Lisa busts out the yellow pages and tells Randi to start calling parishes until she can find someone to get to the hospital. "You want me to cold-call priests," Randi clarifies. Lisa does. Randi's like, "I'm taking orders from someone who was in Instinct? I mean, okay."
On the other side of the desk, Benton's on the phone talking about CBC and lytes, and saying that he doesn't care what the computer says: "I'm trying to pre-op him." A woman in a mauve twin set is standing right in his personal space, asking whether Benton's talking about Mr. Fletcher. Benton ignores her and tells the person on the phone to page him when they're ready. He hangs up, and the woman introduces herself as Maureen Conway from Financial Services. Benton distractedly shakes her hand, and she tells him, "We can't admit Mr. Fletcher." Benton reminds her that Mr. Fletcher has Medicare, and Maureen replies, "Which he sold to a bankrupt HMO." Benton dismissively says that isn't Mr. Fletcher's fault, and Maureen allows that that's true, "but in the nine months they've not paid claims, Mr. Fletcher's run up over $200,000 in avoidable unrecouped charges." Benton starts stomping away from the desk, flatly informing Maureen that Mr. Fletcher needs a new dialysis shunt. Maureen follows along beside him, explaining, "Dr. Romano left strict orders not to admit these patients. Now, you can stabilize in the ER and work on a transfer." Benton stops, and shirtily (and rhetorically) asks Maureen whether she has an "M.D." behind her name. Maureen admits that she doesn't. "Yet you're going to try and tell me how to treat my patients?" Maureen condescends, "I appreciate your frustration," but Benton's having none of it: "I've got a pheochromocytoma down the hall, fifty-three-year-old male; how do you suggest I treat him?" Maureen soothingly tells Benton to do whatever he thinks is medically necessary, but that they won't admit Mr. Fletcher. As Benton stomps away, she calls after him that if he has any further concerns, he should take them up with Dr. Romano.
Lisa slowly walks the halls with Joseph, a.k.a. Mr. Regina. She tells him that they took Regina to get cleaned up: "Believe it or not, a shower can help." Joseph says that Regina did everything right: "She read that damn Expecting book every day." Lisa tells him that it's important Regina know that the early labour isn't her fault. They stop outside Regina's trauma room, where a doctor is lecturing to a group of students. Joseph asks what happened: "Did he die?...Did they find something that might help him?" Lisa explains that someone from Neonatology has to examine every premature baby born in the hospital. "So they might do something?" Joseph asks. Lisa asks him to wait outside, and heads in to investigate.
Inside the trauma room, an older male doctor is showing the students that Rex's thin skin makes thermoregulation impossible. The students nod. Lisa stands a few paces behind the lecturer, who's just moved on to Rex's unopened eyes when Lisa demands, "What are you doing?" The lecturer starts to say that they heard there was a micro preemie in the ER when Lisa snaps, "This isn't show and tell." The lecturer snips back, "No, this is a teaching hospital." He turns his back to Lisa, and returns to the subject of which of Rex's organs are fully formed, adding that with the thinness of Rex's skin, they might even be able to see his heart beating. Lisa glances back at Joseph, who's watching through the glass, and then orders the lecturer, "Okay, put him down." The lecturer gets all indignant, but Lisa's pretty secure on the moral high ground: "He is not a science experiment." The lecturer says that he needs to examine each birth for congenital anomalies, adding snottily that she should have called him to alert him of Rex's existence. Yeah, she's going to send out a press release: "Born at County General, the first animal/vegetable hybrid. Part baby, part squash, all creepy." Lisa makes to get in the lecturer's face (difficult when his back to her) and tells him that he's examined Rex enough, and that he has to go. The lecturer hisses that he'll go when he's finished, and Lisa hisses back, "The father is standing outside thinking you are saving his baby." The lecturer glances over Lisa's shoulder at Joseph's pathetically hopeful face. Lisa adds, "How long do you want to torture him?" The lecturer's all, "Okay, the party's over," and asks the macabre crew whether they have any questions before heading for the door. He pauses there and tells Lisa to transfer Rex to the fifth floor. Lisa refuses. The lecturer tries to pull rank, but Lisa got up this morning and went to Carol's old house to take a long, hot bath in the milk of human kindness: "I'm not sending those parents upstairs to see a bunch of nursing mothers." The lecturer tells her to send Rex to the NICU, then, but Lisa's in control: "No, he's staying here, with his mother and his father, so they can have some privacy." "In the ER," adds the lecturer incredulously. "Yes," Lisa replies firmly. Joseph bursts in and asks the lecturer, "Is there anything you can do?" Shamed by the presence of the creepy baby's desperate dad, the lecturer gently says there isn't, because Rex is too young." He high-tails it out of there. Lisa asks Chuny to get Joseph a chair. Joseph approaches Rex in his baby warmer, and cries. Because he's scared. Lisa says she knows this is difficult, and adds, "Don't be afraid to touch him." No. DO. Do be afraid to touch him. Rex doesn't need his eyes open to steal your soul! "Dr." Dave shows up at the door and whispers to Lisa that they need the trauma room so they can bring in multiple MVAs. Lisa tells him to go somewhere else. Okay, again -- and I hate to agree with Dr. Dave -- trauma rooms are not for B.B.'s dead wife (from last week's episode) or for terminal demon babies. They're for traumas. Take Mrs. B.B. to the morgue when she dies. And take demon baby to the zoo where he can hang with the other blind, naked mole rats.
Robert "Rocket" Romano is sending a Mr. Robertson to surgery when Benton catches up with him. Romano confirms that Mr. Fletcher will not be admitted for financial reasons. Benton reminds him, "That's an EMTALA [Emergency Medical Treatment and Labor Act] violation." Romano ingenuously replies, "Nah -- he's had a screening exam, and he's not emergent." Benton asks, "How do you know? You haven't even looked at him!" Romano stares Benton down (difficult for a man of his modest stature), grabs Mr. Fletcher's chart, and yells, "Okay, Peter -- let's take a look!" They stomp over to Mr. Fletcher's bed (interrupted on the way by Elizabeth, who's looking for Mark and his spinal-abscess patient), where Romano asks Mr. Fletcher how he's feeling ("like crap" is the reply) and asks to take a look at his fistula. Mr. Fletcher growls, "You're the seventh person to 'take a look.' What am I, a freak show?" No, that would be Rex the Cabbage-Faced Boy. Trauma Two. Romano asks why Mr. Fletcher missed his dialysis appointment; Mr. Fletcher says he was busy, and that what he was doing is "none of [Romano's] damn business." Romano is all, "Thought so," and Mr. Fletcher says he didn't like Romano when he sliced Mr. Fletcher's foot open, and he still doesn't. Romano's all, "Whatever," and takes off, with Benton following behind. Mr. Fletcher calls for a "pain pill," but Romano ignores him, telling Benton, "Put him on a bus to Milwaukee." Benton tells Romano Mr. Fletcher is "fluid-overloaded," but Romano doesn't care: "This guy knows exactly what's going to happen if he misses his dialysis and he still blows it off. He is not going to stop abusing the system until we draw the line." He brandishes a bill (I think it's a hundred, but it's too blurry for me to make out the face) at Benton, who asks what it's for. Romano says it's for Mr. Fletcher's bus ticket. Benton can't believe that Romano's serious, but he is: "New state, new Medicaid program, and a whole new set of doctors to piss off." "He lives in Chicago!" Benton yells. "Cry me a river," snorts Romano, scuttling off.
Luka is leaving a message on Glenda's brother's answering machine to call him back immediately. Mrs. Glenda doesn't look hopeful. In the corner, Luka's scythe makes quite a noise clattering to the ground. Weaver asks Mrs. Glenda whether she has a pager or cell-phone number for Glenda's brother. Mrs. Glenda doesn't, nor does she have a number for a -door neighbour or another relative. Weaver pauses a beat, and offers, "Well, her breathing is stabilized for now." Luka asks Mrs. Glenda how long she and Glenda have been together. "Twenty-seven years," she replies. Weaver shoots Luka a sidelong glance. "Kerry," wheedles Luka. Weaver looks down, and asks Mrs. Glenda to excuse them. In the curtain area, Weaver drops her gentle bedside manner and snaps, "What are you doing?" Luka exposits that Glenda talked to her brother twice in ten years. Kerry snaps, "Yes, and she didn't grant her partner power of attorney. I'm trying to find a legal way to fulfill her wishes." "Twenty-seven years!" Luka exclaims. She: blah blah good chance of survival. He: blah what kind of blah life blah. She: intubation blah no advance directive blah blah only of blah kin blah can change that. He: Mrs. Glenda is the of kin blah twenty-seven years blah blah we should blah treat them like a couple blah. She [spoiler]: I might be a lesbian soon so I agree blah blah but the law doesn't. [end spoiler] blah if her sats drop below eighty before the brother calls back, blah tube her. He: no. She: wuh? He: you do it. She: okay, you baby. He: I'm the angel of death, remember? Not the angel of intubation. She: oh, right. Cool. Later. Weaver watches through the glass as the audience sees a very faint reflection of Mrs. Glenda sitting on the edge of Glenda's bed, tenderly stroking her hair. I guess that was too hot for network TV.
Regina's back from her shower, and Lisa takes a Polaroid of her with Rex. Regina says she needs a picture. Lisa understands. Joseph asks Regina whether they should use the name they'd picked, and Regina says they should, and tells Lisa that the only boy's name they could agree on was...JULIAN?! Oh, whatever. Like fucking JULIAN is anyone's first choice for a baby name. I mean, no offense to any Julians reading this, but...come on. Maybe Joseph and Regina saw Warlock and both developed crushes on Julian Sands. There's just no other explanation. Anyway, Lisa lies that it's a nice name (fuck that, I'm still calling him Rex), and Joseph asks her how much longer they should expect Rex to live. Lisa says it could be a few minutes, or a few hours. Joseph suggests to Regina that they take him outside. Regina is horrified at the suggestion. Joseph explains that they should take Rex to a lake or a park: "If he's going to die, I don't want him to die in here." Hey, take him somewhere dark, okay? Somewhere cameras aren't allowed. Regina huskily reminds Joseph that they need to wait until the priest arrives, and Joseph yells, "Is he coming?" Geez, simmah. Lisa says she'll check. Dr. Amy Aquino pushes open the door furthest from Lisa and calls her out into the hall. Lisa sighs and follows.
In the hall, Dr. Aquino snarls that she paged Lisa three times. Lisa explains that there was a twenty-two-week birth and that the baby's still alive. Dr. Aquino reminds Lisa that her boring old regular OB patient needed her, too. "Did she deliver?" Lisa asks, being polite although she doesn't really care. Dr. Aquino says she did, and that there was "shoulder dystocia." Lisa's like, "Yawn. Did you check out Cabbage Boy? Anyway, is that other baby okay?" Dr. Aquino says that the baby broke its clavicle, but is otherwise okay. Lisa looks chastened. Dr. Aquino adds, "She was really scared, and she was asking for you. Look, if you want to take shifts as an OB nurse, I need you to work as an OB nurse. You cannot let these women grow dependent on you, and then just walk out on them when you've got an excuse to come and work in the ER." Lisa lies that she wasn't looking for an excuse, and that she was taking care of Regina and Rex. Dr. Aquino points out that there are other people in the ER who can do that. Mark appears behind Dr. Aquino and tells her that he's sorry, and that bringing Lisa back down on this case was his call. Dr. Aquino's all, "I might have known, DOOFUS." Anyway, he tells her that the parents are distraught since their baby is definitely going to die, and that they need Lisa's support. Dr. Aquino's all, "Whatever. Just don't ignore my page." Lisa apologizes. Dr. Aquino books. Lisa thanks Mark for covering for her, and he dismisses her thanks, since she's doing the hard part. He asks whether Rex is still breathing, and she replies, "Agonally." He tells her to call him when she needs to call the time of death.
Upstairs, heading into surgery, Mr. Fletcher is complaining that the last time he got a heated blanket and an extra pillow. Benton, already annoyed, asks Shirley which OR is open, and she tells him it depends on what he has. Benton tells her, and Shirley asks, "Patient named Fletcher?" Benton asks how she knew, and she tells him that Romano warned her about him. She has the grace to look and sound apologetic about it, but tells him that she can't give Benton a room, and that Romano actually said he'd fire her if she did. Benton glances at the glass door of another OR, where Romano is performing surgery and watching him. Uh, keep your eyes on the job at hand, Dr. No!
Lisa hangs up the phone. She sighs and tells Luka that the priest talked the woman down from the bridge and is on his way. Luka asks how long the baby's lived, and Lisa tells him it's been five hours. Luka observes that Rex is "really hanging on," and Lisa muses that maybe Regina is right, and Rex really is a miracle. Unless you mean that he's miraculously ugly, I don't agree. Luka offers that there might be technology in ten or fifteen years. Lisa starts to suggest that they intubate him, just in case, but Luka snaps her out of it, and she agrees that he's right, and that it's kinder just to let Rex go. No, it's the only possible option, because [shudder]. Joseph emerges from the trauma room to tell Lisa that he thinks Rex has stopped breathing. "Here we go," Lisa sighs, and they both head in.
Weaver works on Glenda, who has a large mask on her face, with tubes sticking out every which way. "That's not a respirator," Mrs. Glenda confirms. Weaver explains that it provides positive pressure to Glenda's lungs so that Glenda doesn't have to work so hard to breathe. Mrs. Glenda tells Weaver that Glenda's father died of lung cancer, and that when they were all at the hospital watching him die, Glenda wanted to take him off the respirator, and her brother didn't agree: "Danny couldn't let go, and Glenda couldn't watch her father suffer like that. You know, all those tubes. After her first stroke, Glenda made me promise to never let her die like that." Okay -- and, I fully admit, I'm straight and married and that as long as I stay so, neither Glark nor I will have these kinds of problems in any hospital because the government and the law recognizes our relationship. I am pretty much talking out of my ass, here. But shouldn't a gay couple in this day and age -- particularly a couple in which one partner has had so many health problems -- know enough to grant one another power of attorney for cases such as this? I mean, I completely agree that gay unions should be recognized by law and that it's monstrous that they aren't, but...they aren't, and it's not like the Glendas didn't know that, and they should have thought far enough ahead to take what legal measures were available to them to ensure that their wishes were honoured. I feel bad for them and all, of course, but granting power of attorney is really not that big a deal and they could have done it, and should have. But then, maybe the point of this plot line (other than to [spoiler] foreshadow Weaver's coming gay tryst [end spoiler]) is to remind gay couples of this sad fact. Anyway. Weaver says they'll keep doing their utmost to reach Glenda's brother. Mrs. Glenda says, "He doesn't know her like I do. I love her. I don't want to lose her, but I know what she wants." Weaver looks very sad. And kind of pretty.
Now that Rex is in his death throes, it's Luka's time to shine. Regina begs him to do anything (oh, he will -- he'll finish him off, don't you worry), but no one's really breaking their necks to revive Rex, because everyone apart from Regina knows there's no point. Lisa asks whether there's a heartbeat, and Luka says there isn't, and asks Lisa if she wants to call the time of death. "Oh, God!" Regina sobs. Joseph asks if that's it, and Lisa nods and says, "Time of death --" Rex, having no sense of occasion whatever, chooses this opportunity to resume breathing; Regina notices and calls out that he's still alive. Luka confirms that he's got a heartbeat again. Rex, dude, enough. You are scaring me. Die, already.
In an anguished phone call, Weaver reaches Glenda's brother Danny, who, despite her advice, chooses to put Glenda on a respirator. Danny, you SUCK. He doesn't even want to speak to Mrs. Glenda, when Weaver offers her the phone. Mrs. Glenda looks sad.
Hee! Romano calls Dr. Dave "Malatucci" and asks whether he's seen the OIG officer in the ER. Dr. Dave asks, "Who?" and Romano exposits, "Deputy Inspector General, regulates our Medicare compliance? I heard she was snooping around." Dr. Dave asks, "Short battle-axe, no sense of humour?" "That's her," Romano replies. "Curtain Two," says Dr. Dave, and goes off to cash a very small cheque.
In Curtain Two, said officer is confirming Benton's story with Mr. Fletcher. Romano appears at Mr. Fletcher's bedside, all hale-fellow-well-met, announcing that they're ready for Mr. Fletcher. He greets the officer (Sandy) as if he didn't know she was there, and asks why she's there, as if he didn't know. Romano plays dumb about the possible EMTALA violation, and she tells him that she got a call alerting her that County was trying to "bounce" Mr. Fletcher. Romano asks who called, and she claims it was anonymous. Romano says that "anonymous does not always equal reliable," and that he was just coming to take Mr. Fletcher upstairs, since they now have an OR ready. Sandy asks Benton whether that's true, and Benton shifts his weight from one foot to the other and dodges, "I'm sure Dr. Romano has found a room." Romano hands Mr. Fletcher his consent form, and Mr. Fletcher growls that he knows the drill. Sandy follows them toward the elevator, grilling Romano, "Please tell me you don't have policy to redirect all non-paying Medicare HMO patients." Romano replies, "How could we? We're a County hospital." Sandy adds that, as long as she's here, she'll be auditing all of County's patient transfers for the past month. Romano over-cheerily bluffs, "Audit away! No skeletons here." "I hope so," says Sandy, and leaves. Over Mr. Fletcher's bed, Benton starts to tell Romano, "I felt I had --" "Not a word, Peter. Not a single...word," Romano interrupts. Mr. Fletcher grouses, "You're not going to leave a scar, are you?" Romano tersely tells him to shut up. Big talk from such a little man.
After work, Mark is driving Elizabeth somewhere. She complains about a case she'd worked on, and uses the word "gigavolt." Blah blah blah, who cares. She asks where they're going, and he says, "You'll see." "These are houses, Mark," she says. He knows. Oh god, I see where this is going.
Mark and Elizabeth walk into an empty, huge, and quite lovely house. A bit too much butter-cream-coloured paint for my taste, but you can always paint over the owner's bland choices. Anyway, she rightly exclaims over the beauty of the house, and he jokes, "See? I have some taste." She asks if he can afford it, and he says he's been living cheap: "Besides, I'm going to have a roommate." She snickers that he's being awfully presumptuous (word), but he tells her he can always take out an ad and she smacks him and says, "You will not! I love it!" He invites her to check out the fridge: "It's nice and cold." She runs through the (huge) kitchen out to the deck, and he says he knew she'd love that. She asks when they can move in, and he asks when she can pack. She squeals, and he tries to bring her attention back to the fridge, telling her, "It has an icemaker." Dude, enough about the fr-- Oh. No. I see where this is going. NOOOO! He's going to propose! She starts creaming her skirt over the gorgeous floors, and he tells her again to check out the icemaker. She dismissively says it's lovely, but he says, "You have to open it. It has a special ice feature." Oh, DUDE! Ring in the ice, ring in the ice! She's all, enough about the fridge, Rain Man, but agreeably opens the freezer and immediately closes it with a stricken expression. She looks, in fact, like she's about to barf. As do I. Her face fallen, she breathes, "Oh my god! Mark!" He moves toward her, and she opens the freezer door again. Sure enough, there's a ring in there (I thought he'd maybe frozen a ring actually into one of the compartments in the ice tray, but it's just there, in its presentation box. Much more pedestrian, if you ask me), and he takes it out and says he's a little nervous, so she should let him say it. She covers her mouth with her fists. He rather formally says, "Elizabeth. I love you. I was hoping you'd give me the joy and honour of being your husband." She exhales loudly, and squeaks, "Oh!" He asks if that's a yes, and she takes the ring out of the box and tries not to cry while slipping it on her finger and saying "yes." Then they make out. My proposal story is much cuter, y'all. Check it out: I was living in Toronto and going to grad school, and Glark was living and working in Los Angeles. We'd been dating a little over a year, and had lived in different countries for about seven months. Because I was a poor student and because, with the time difference and such, it was often hard for us to catch each other on the phone, we used to make appointments as to who'd call whom, and when, and this one Saturday night when I was planning to be home finishing a term paper, Glark said he'd call me around 10 PM. So he did, and I was working on my paper like the diligent student I generally wasn't. He told me that he had "a spy" in Toronto who'd left something for me in my mailbox earlier that day, and that I should go downstairs and get it and then he'd call back in five minutes. He had a friend who lived outside the city and since I'd been out all afternoon I thought this guy must have come by then. So I darted downstairs in my pyjamas and slippers, grabbed a bulky little envelope out of the mailbox, and ran back upstairs to open it. Inside was a peach Ring Pop (I still have it -- in my freezer, in fact -- but it's melted a little bit each time we've moved and doesn't look so good these days) and Polaroid of Glark, standing in front of my mailbox holding the Ring Pop in his hand; "MARRY ME?" was written across the bottom of the photo. I immediately started freaking out in my apartment, and told my roommate that Glark had just proposed. But I wasn't sure where he was or whether he was really going to call back in five minutes as he said, so I paced a bit in my room and then finally ran back downstairs, where Glark was waiting across the street from my apartment door all stalker-like. I waved him over, because I didn't have my keys and was still in my pyjamas, and we kissed, and he asked what my answer was, and I said it was yes. And that, my friends, is a proposal story. ["[Sniffle!]" -- Sars]
What's that? This isn't a recap of my life? Oh, right. ER. Montage alert! Mrs. Glenda watches mournfully as Weaver takes the air mask off Glenda. Lisa acts as a witness as Regina and Joseph baptize Rex on what appears to be a roof. From the other side of the room, Glark calls out, "Are they going to launch that thing off the roof with a catapult?" If only. And see, folks -- three and a half years later and the romance is still there. Weaver intubates Glenda. Mrs. Glenda looks away. Baptize, baptize. Intubate, intubate. Weaver tells Mrs. Glenda she's sorry. Mrs. Glenda nods briefly. The priest pours from a mickey of holy water onto Rex's scary-ass head. Not shown: the catapult sending Rex to his eternal reward. ["Also not shown: Sars and Wing Chun going to hell for thinking that's funny." -- Sars]
Lisa crosses the ambulance bay under cover of darkness and heads into Doc Magoo's, where she orders a cup of coffee to go. From behind her, a voice calls, "Hey." She turns around and returns Carter's "hey," joining him in his booth. And he's SMOKING. Lisa asks if he's back already, and he says he won't be back at work for another week. She asks if she's just hanging out, and he says he has a diversion meeting at nine. She: you look better. He: I like your hair. Are you picking up some shifts? (She's still in her nurse's scrubs.) She: no, I got suspended. He: kill anybody? She: I...wait, fuck it, you all know why she got suspended. The waitress brings Lisa her coffee, and Carter tells her to put it on his bill. Lisa tells him he doesn't have to, and he's all, "I'm rich. Plus, it's just coffee." He adds that it's the least he can do after being a complete jerk to her. She asks when, and he says, "Three months ago," and that she might have saved his life, and that if she hadn't stopped him when she did, he could be dead now. She doesn't say anything, so he explains, "I'm working on my steps, here." "You're up to nine, already!" she marvels, and he says he skipped a few. She formally says, "I forgive you," and then asks for a drag off his cigarette, adding perfunctorily that she should quit. He asks if she had a long day, and she tells him about Rex, leaving out the part about how she'll be seeing him later in her nightmares. She adds that she doesn't know why she does this, and asks after him. He says it's been a lot of waiting, and a lot of meetings. She says, "Yeah, you get kind of meeting-ed out." He nods, and she asks, "Aren't you going to ask?...What I was doing there this morning?" Carter says, "You only go for one reason. I figured I'd keep going, and eventually, you'd stand up and share." Lisa chirps, "It's not that interesting. I'm a drunk." He asks how long she's been sober, and she says it's been almost five years. He observes that she can, therefore, sponsor someone, and she says she supposes that's true. He asks if she ever has, and she says she hasn't. He raises his eyebrows and says he needs a sponsor. She nods, and he raises his eyebrows again, and she laughs, "Don't look at me!...I'm barely holding my own life together, right now. Trust me." He wheedles that it would be great for him to have someone at the hospital, and since she did sort of start him on his road to recovery.... She reminds him that men and women aren't supposed to sponsor each other, and Carter's all disappointed little boy, "Don't worry about it," but then pesters her that she shouldn't ask him to ask a total stranger, and that the only person he met at the meeting was the coffee guy. What are you, four? Ask a stranger, god. Lisa relents: "Okay, okay. I will work the steps with you, until you find a permanent sponsor." He thanks her, and she says she'll start by setting a good example, and stubs out the cigarette she's been smoking. He gives her the Carter Twinkle#153;. She adds that coffee and cigarettes aren't going to do it for her tonight, and selects a hot-fudge sundae from the menu. She offers him one, and he says he already has enough vices. She tells him that he should have to "splurge" with her, and he snickers, "Is that how it works?" Unless you're eating it off her naked belly, it's fine with me.
week: everyone hugs Carter as he returns to the ER; Luka tells Lisa to put in a chest tube, and she tells him she can't because she's a nurse, and he yells, "GO!"; Weaver offers her "a learning opportunity that'll put [her] way ahead"; Carter tells Lisa that "this place grows on you," and Lisa makes a joke too lame to repeat; Luka tells Lisa she's a good nurse, but that she could be a great doctor. Then they have sex in the ambulance bay. Just kidding.