Episode Report Card Wing Chun: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Homecoming
By Wing Chun | Season 7 | Episode 1 | Aired on 10.11.2000
Finch disappears down the hall (never to be seen again? If only). Malik informs Weaver that there's a toilet plugged in the men's restroom. (That happened last week, too, but I think the culprit was Glark.) "So unplug it," Weaver suggests in a "don't fuck with me -- no, really, do NOT fuck with me" voice. Malik tells her that he doesn't have a plunger, and that the maintenance closet is locked. Weaver notices "Dr." Dave Malucci wheeling a logy-looking pregnant woman down the hall, and asks him why a Mr. Hunter is still in the hall. Dr. Dave exposits that "transpo's backed up; half their guys staged a sympathy sick-out to support the janitors." Weaver screeches at him to take Mr. Hunter down himself, and Dr. Dave whines, "Can't we just give these guys their raise?" Weaver sarcastically brays that she'll recommend Dr. Dave for the negotiating committee. Malik pesters her about the maintenance closet and she tells him to take some initiative, indicating that he should open the closet, and she doesn't care how he does so. All of us watching in the Game Room notice before Weaver does that some old dude sitting in a wheelchair in the hall (with his back to us, thank god) is introducing Rosie Palm and her five sisters to Mr. Johnson. Weaver begs someone to put him in an exam room. An officious female voice (coming out of a med student who somehow got elected Queen among her idiot fellows) snips at Weaver, "Excuse me...we've been waiting here for a while. Shouldn't we be doing something?" Weaver deadpans, "Do you have any plumbing experience?" and crutches off before the little no-go-non-getter can answer. Mark "Swinger" Greene -- wearing...ugh...sunglasses and too-light chinos and trying to look as cool as a prematurely bald man possibly can (in other words, not looking at all cool) -- comes in and breezily asks Weaver what happened. Weaver retorts, "You know what, Mark? Just don't start with me, okay?" Oh Jesus. Word. Kerry, girlfriend, skive off work and we'll go to Evanston for a Jamba Juice -- my treat -- and we'll talk this whole thing out. Here's a preview. Step one: get yourself into a position where you can fire Mark's bald ass. Step two: fire him. Step three? There is no step three. That one desk dude with the flattop tells Mark, "Custodial staff is on strike." Noting that the walls around the desk are gone, Mark drawls, "Yeah, so they had to destroy the admit desk?" Flattop adds, "This is a remodel -- open floor plan. It's supposed to be safer. I've already scratched myself on a nail twice." Weaver helpfully advises him to update his tetanus, and, the kindness out of the way, demands, "Where are my fans?" Dude, I am right here! Flattop says he's working on it, and shambles off. Mark swaps his sunglasses for his prissy little grandma specs, and asks Weaver, "What's the deal?" Exhaustedly, Weaver offers, "I don't know. You know, the construction workers won't cross the picket line." Mark sniffs, "Oh, you mean those three guys I saw out there with signs?" Nice attitude toward labour, Lucille Bald. "George" Luka Kovac appears just in time for Sars and Pooh to launch a spirited debate. Proposed: Luka's hair looked better last season. Sars vigorously argues the Pro position, whereas Pooh takes Con. It's a draw, with Sars's "bear claw" argument finding a lot of support. Anyway, Luka asks Mark how Mark's vacation was and whether he went anywhere; Mark says it was good and that he went to Wisconsin Dells. Mark, just because you have the hairline of a fifty-five-year-old man doesn't mean you have to emulate his leisure preferences, too. As a melée breaks out in chairs, Mark complains that the board isn't on the wall and asks where it's supposed to go. "Don't ask," advises Flattop. Luka asks whether the construction workers took out a wall they weren't supposed to, and Flattop reminds him, "And we're not supposed to talk about it." Mark watches the scrap like the useless lump of carbon he is. Luka watches, also, but he looks a lot better doing it. Abby "Lisa" Lockhart strolls behind the desk, dressed all in black except for her lab coat (which looks pretty hot), and sporting a haircut that makes Luka's look like the Platonic ideal of hair; Lisa's is oddly razored around the ends and back, and looks like she cut it herself. Without a mirror. In the dark. But at least she doesn't have to worry about putting it up anymore. Lisa comments that the med students look like twelve-year-olds. Mark asks how long they've been waiting; Luka says, "Three hours," and Weaver corrects him: "Two and a half." Mark offers to take them, and Weaver tells him that's fine, but that he should make sure to see some patients as well. She walks out around the end of the desk, straight past an axe-wielding Malik. She's like, "Malik?" He's like, "What." She's like, "MALIK!" Finally, the scene, and the opening credits, end. I've been writing this fucking thing for two hours already. I miss Dawson. No, I really do.
Dr. Amy Aquino, the thorn in Mark's side (and, therefore, my girlfriend), is pointing at an ultrasound image of a baby, and saying that everything looks fine. She adds that she's got a good angle if the (as yet unseen) mother wants to know the sex, and a voice says, "Sure." Dr. Amy says, "You are having a boy. Congratulations." The camera pans over to a super-tight close-up of Jing-Mei "Deb" Chen's face (the better to conceal the fact that Ming-Na is already very pregnant) as she says, "Thank you." Blood sugar. Anemic. Iron? Yes. Dr. Amy asks whether Chen has asked Weaver for time off after the baby's born. Chen says she hasn't, yet. Dr. Amy gently says, "You still have time," and Chen confesses, "Actually, I haven't told anyone yet." Dr. Amy says that she should, since she won't be able to keep the secret much longer. Chen agrees, without much enthusiasm. Shall we start a pool as to who the father could be? TV being what it is, I'm going to say that the only possible father is the only other Asian-American character on television: Father Ray Mukada from Oz.