Big ups to Sars, who did this twice last week.
Previously on ER: Carol and Luka barbecued; Holling informed Mark that he didn't plan to do his dying in Mark's "cramped apartment"; Carter wiped out at his locker; Finch told Carter she wouldn't lie for him; Carter told Mark he'd "made a mistake"; Weaver ignored Romano's orders, and he suspended her.
The elevator doors slide open and we see the back of Robert "Rocket" Romano's bald head. "Luka!" he bellows heartily. "What is that, Croatian for 'lucky'?" Luka "Black Beauty" Kovac, sitting at a nearby desk, impatiently replies, "No. 'Luke.'" Romano asks him whether he's sure about that, like, no, Rocket, you know more about Luka's first language and first name than Luka himself does. Now, go get back in your high chair or the strained peas will all be gone before you get any. Luka even less patiently assures Romano that he is, in fact, sure. Romano breezily observes that Luka seems to be dragging, and, getting up to walk down the hall with Romano, Luka informs him, "I worked four shifts in the last three days. We're two hundred charts behind in coding, and haven't done one Q/A in the past week." As they walk side by side down the hall, it is painfully clear how very short Paul McCrane is. It's no wonder they normally have him acting opposite Alex Kingston; when he's in surgery with Eriq LaSalle, McCrane's got to be standing on nine phone books. Anyway, Romano tells Luka that if he can "prove [his] mettle," Romano will "anoint [him] temporary chief. Or not." He hands Luka the new schedule, which shows Luka working the midnight shift. "Tonight?" Luka asks, incredulously. "Or tomorrow morning, depending on how you look at it," Romano drawls. Luka refuses to work the shift, and Romano wheedles, "Luka, Luka, Luka, listen to me. This is important, because no truer words have ever been spoken: The last four letters in 'American' are 'I can.'" When this rousing speech has (predictably) no effect whatever on Luka, Romano puts it another way: "Cover this, and I'll owe you. Don't, and you're fired." Wearily, Luka asks when Kerry's coming back. "Who says she is?" Romano rhetorically replies, and takes off.
A completely demoralized Luka asks Randi to tell Mark that he went to Doc Magoo's; he manages to leave the hospital just in time to miss a trauma coming in from the ambulance bay, attended by Doris, some random male paramedic, and Cleo "Less Human Than Human" Finch. The patient, a sixteen-year-old boy, was involved in a single-vehicle accident in the course of which his car spun out and struck a guardrail; fortunately, he was wearing his seatbelt. Doris gives Finch the rest of the bullet: There was no loss of consciousness, but the patient did complain of abdominal pain.
In a trauma room, Finch asks Car Crash Kid whether his neck hurts. He says it doesn't, so she removes the collar and continues examining him, as he prattles on that he's only had his driver's license a couple of weeks, and that this was the first time "he" (we may safely assume he's referring to his dad) let CCK drive the car in which he crashed. Finch gets CCK to look around the room, which he does, without any apparent pain in his head or neck. He asks Lily whether he may use the phone, and she tells him he may, when Finch is done. They get CCK off the backboard; even though CCK is totally conscious and speaking at a mellow volume, Finch continues to yell in his face, demanding to know whether the airbag deployed. He tells her that the car is a '65 Mustang, and that it didn't have an airbag, just the seatbelt, and no shoulder strap, at that. CCK adds, "He's going to kill me." Finch distractedly assures CCK that his father will be more concerned about CCK's well-being than he will be about the car, but CCK contradicts her: "You don't know my father." Several tiny motors in her face cause her lips to pull back slightly off her teeth, in a chilling mockery of a smile. She announces to the room that CCK's chest is clear, but when she feels around his waist, he winces, and says he thinks the seatbelt caught him there. She orders a bunch of tests and a surgical consult. CCK continues to bemoan the fate of the car. She replies that insurance will pay for the repairs, and he insists that it's a classic, and can't be fixed. She says, "We call them 'accidents' for a reason. You may think this is a really big deal, but it's going to be okay." She then double-blinks her eyes, closing the window on "accident.txt."
At Doc Magoo's, Carol "Nosy Parker and the Vicious Smirk" Hathaway is feeding the twins, each of whom is perched in a car seat on the table. Luka ambles in and greets them: "'Morning, ladies," and as he sits down, Carol gasps, "No offense, but you look like hell." Uh, if that's true, then I think I can say with some certainty that Sartre was wrong, and that hell is not other people, because other people don't look like that. He points out that, in case Carol hadn't noticed, the ER has been short an attending, and she notes that it's "been pretty quiet," to which he replies, "For you, maybe." Carol pleads with Kate to finish her food, and Luka asks (rather expositorily) whether she got the twins into the hospital's day care centre. She ruefully says that she did, even though the day care doesn't usually take infants so young, and that she "had to talk them into it," which I guess answers the questions we'd all had over why they weren't in day care before, and how Carol could have justified having a nanny. She struggles some more in feeding Kate, and Luka remarks, "I don't blame her." Carol asks what he means, and he asks what it is she's feeding the twins. Carol, quite wounded (for some reason), murmurs that it's rice cereal, and that Kate likes it. "Yes, I can see," he says, sarcastically. Hee! He offers to feed Kate and they have a little kvetching back and forth over which is harder to manage -- a baby or a teenager. A random patron coos that the babies are "gorgeous," and Carol thanks her, pleasantly enough. Random Patron opines that "they look like angels," and Luka jokes that "looks can be deceiving"; right on cue, Tess starts screeching, and Luka, sitting right to her, makes an "ouch" face, which was pretty funny. Carol sticks a bottle in Tess's mouth, and RP baby-talks, "Now, you don't give your mommy and daddy any trouble, do you?" adding, to Luka and Carol, "Beautiful family!" Luka and Carol exchange an awkward glance. Oh, spare us, Carol -- you love it!
Paramedics wheel in a gurney conveying a very, very young-looking woman (played by Kerri Green of Lucas fame) and attended by four children, all under the age of ten. As the paramedic pushes her along, various of the children talk or hum and Kerri keeps imploring them to be quiet. The gurney stops at the desk, where it is met by Abby "Lisa" Lockhart. She asks Kerri, "Are these all your children?" When Kerri says that they are, Lisa cracks, "No wonder you collapsed." The paramedic tells Lisa that Kerri's blood pressure is a little low, and that she's "tachy at 120." Kerri calls the eldest child, Wyatt, who is pounding on the vending machine in an effort to dislodge a stuck chocolate bar. (And I think we've all been there, at one time or another in our lives.) Mark "Revenge of the Nerd" Greene gives the kid a coin, Kerri exhorts Wyatt to thank him, and the whole posse heads off to a trauma room to attend to an abrasion on Kerri's temple; she thinks she banged it on a shelf on her way down. Mark asks if she'd ever fainted before; Kerri says she hasn't, but that she'd felt dizzy earlier. The paramedic says that Kerri vomited in the ambulance, and Lisa adds, "Mouth and lips are dry." Kerri asks Mark, "Is that bad?" and he assures her that it's probably just dehydration. They arrive at the trauma room, whereupon Lisa, who's been carrying one of Kerri's brood, chuckles (unconvincingly) that her charge's diaper appears to be leaking. Kerri apologizes and says that he pulls at it sometimes. Wyatt appears, crowing that he relieved the vending machine of two chocolate bars; a younger kid tells Wyatt that he has to share, and Kerri backs up the younger brother's claim. As Mark and the paramedics liberate Kerri from all the gear in which she's encased, Randi appears at the door to tell Mark that his father's nurse is on the phone. Mark asks Lisa whether she's got the case under control, and in spite of all the chaotic action swirling around her, she uncertainly says that she does, so he books.
At the desk, John "Hand" Carter complains to Randi about the computer; she testily informs him that she's already called tech support twice. Mark appears behind them and Randi tells him his call is on line two. Mark picks up the phone and says hello, which Carter, sitting to him, interprets as his cue to tell Mark, "I can't get my labs." Mark glares at him, like, hi, you're a doctor -- you're not four -- and reminds the nurse that she shouldn't put too much stock in anything Holling says, because she works for Mark. Before the conversation can continue, Luka hollers from the board that they're out of t-sheets. Mark tells Luka that it's Weaver's filing system, and Luka whines about when she might be back to sort all this stuff out. Mark returns to the phone call: "Look, no one is questioning your qualifications. [pause] He is?" Heh. Just then Elizabeth "Regina" Corday appears behind Mark, asking after the surgical consult for which she'd been paged. Randi points her in Finch's direction, but Elizabeth hangs around eavesdropping on Mark's conversation with Holling's nurse, Mrs. Fredriksson, instead. Mark winds it up by asking Mrs. Fredriksson to bear with him. Elizabeth asks if everything's all right, and Mark lies that everything's fine. Luka tells him they're out of the general forms, too, and Mark tells him to go back to the old charts. Randi emerges from the background (how the hell big is the area behind the desk, anyway? Huge numbers of people seem to be able to move in and out of there like it's an orchestra pit or something) and asks Carter whether they have a forwarding address for Lucy. The action pauses for a moment as Carter regards the envelope from Randi's hand and asks whether Lucy received something at the hospital. Geez, it's a good thing Carter's a doctor and not a detective. Randi tells him the envelope came from "the National Resident Matching Program." Elizabeth, still eavesdropping, covers her face and moans, "Oh god, they forgot to pull her application." Randi -- a little quicker on the uptake than Carter -- deduces that there's a hospital department somewhere with an administrator who thinks he'll have Lucy on staff year. Carter brusquely declares, "Somebody should call them." Randi asks Carter if he thinks she should forward the letter to Lucy's mom, and Carter says he doesn't know. Randi gets increasingly exasperated and asks what she should do with it, and Carter quite rudely snatches it out of her hand and says he'll take care of it. Randi turns on her heel and stalks off, presumably before she's moved to do a little aggravated mayhem on his ass, and Elizabeth steps up to Carter and starts to offer to take it off his hands, but he interrupts her before she can finish and says he'll do it, so she leaves. He sets his jaw and heads off to parts unknown.
In Kerri's room, her kids are doing what most kids do in boring, enclosed spaces: They're using the props available in unconventional yet entertaining ways. One kid uses an IV stand as a guitar; another has his chest pressed on the seat of a rolling stool and is trucking all over the floor on it, propelling himself by his feet. (That actually looks kind of fun.) Kerri's daughter is sitting on the bed with her; from her perch, Kerri ineffectually calls out requests to the kids to behave themselves. Lisa changes the baby's diaper, calling over her shoulder to Kerri that "he's so cute." Kerri insists that she can change the diaper, and that she's really feeling much better, but Lisa tells her it's no problem. The kids continue to make noise as Lisa remarks, "Four kids under eight -- that's very ambitious." Maybe that's a regionalism with which I'm not familiar; in Chicago, does "ambitious" also mean "suicidal"? Kerri corrects her: "Five; the baby's at home with the neighbour." Lisa tells Kerri that she's probably just exhausted, but that they want to do a head CT, just in case, and that Lisa's giving her saline to hydrate her. Kerri asks what a CT is, and Lisa explains that it's a picture of her brain. At this point, Conni comes in to say that a volunteer in pedes has agreed to look after the kids in the playroom. Kerri protests that she doesn't want to be any trouble, and Conni assures her that it's no trouble. After some argument from Wyatt, the eldest (which Conni heads off by telling him that there's a Nintendo in the playroom), they all truck on out of there, and suddenly the world seems like a much quieter place. Kerri gazes after them beatifically. Lisa asks, "How do you do it?" "One day at a time," Kerri breathes.
A big dude with a blond brush cut trucks down the hall as we hear Elizabeth assessing Eli (formerly CCK) as a surgical candidate, and Finch supplying information as required. Elizabeth says, "There's no guarding or rebound," and Finch insists, "There was rebounding before." Brush Cut Dude stops at the foot of Eli's bed and asks him what happened. Eli admits that he had an accident. "With the car?" his dad (for it is he) asks. Elizabeth and Finch try to make themselves invisible. Eli says he lost control; his dad asks how fast he was going and Eli defensively yells that he doesn't know, and didn't think to look. Mr. Eli stops and says that it's okay. "The car is bad, Dad," Eli warns him, and Mr. Eli firmly tells him that it's no big deal. ["Then he busts out a big bag of Doritos from those commercials he starred in." -- Sars] The situation defused, Finch decides that now is the time to introduce herself to Mr. Eli -- whose real name is Mr. Emerson -- and tell him that they may need to perform exploratory surgery to rule out internal injuries. Elizabeth, writing on Eli's chart, says, "That's probably not necessary." "You don't know?" Mr. Emerson asks. Elizabeth says that they'll have to observe him for a while, and gives Finch some orders. Finch narrows her eyes and asks to speak to Elizabeth outside. As they leave, Eli sincerely pledges, "I'll do whatever it takes to replace it, Dad, I promise." Mr. Emerson leans over the bed and replies, "I don't care about the car. I can get another car." Aw!
In the hall, Finch tells Elizabeth, "He has a lap belt injury," like, what does she think Elizabeth determined during her examination -- Eli's favourite colour? I'm not even a doctor, and that's the first thing I'd think would be the cause of abdominal pain in a recent car-crash victim. GOD. Anyway, Elizabeth says, "That doesn't necessarily mean he needs surgery. Let's wait on the CT." Finch says the CT is only 20% effective in detecting small-bowel perforation, and asserts that Elizabeth should "explore him either way." Elizabeth adjusts her neck, the better to get it bent all out of shape, and says that Eli "has no peritoneal signs." "He did," Finch replies. "Not that I appreciated," Elizabeth says with some finality, and then books at the sound of her pager, but not before adding, "You wanted a surgical opinion. I've given you one." Rrrrowr! Ffft, fffft! Meow!
Finch strides back into Eli's room as Lisa and Mark come around the corner; Lisa tells Mark, "The icon is positive. She's pregnant." "The woman with all the kids?" Mark clarifies. Yes, of course, and she's about eight weeks gone, but that's not all; Lisa says, "[Her] albumin is low, and there are ketones in her urine." Mark figures that's just because she doesn't have time to eat (which I think was Posh Spice's excuse, too), and assumes that this latest one "wasn't a planned pregnancy." "Who knows? Maybe she wants her own softball team," Lisa jokes. She's already got a basketball team, for crying out loud; enough already! Lisa tells Mark that Kerri's already gone to CT; he tells her to call radiology, and then talk to Kerri about her diet. They run into Carol, and Lisa asks her if they have any prenatal vitamins around; Carol, keeper of all maternal knowledge, directs her. Lisa heads in search of them, and a brief and dull exchange about the peculiarities of Weaver's administrative practices follows, which, though brief, is just too dull for me to acknowledge.
Carol and Mark part ways at the desk, where Luka asks her to attend to one of his patents, and asks whether the girls settled in at the day care. She says they did, and when he further asks whether they seemed to like it, she mutters, "I don't know. They're babies," with about as much conviction as she might say, "I don't know which room they'd rather be in; they're just ficus plants." I know they're only a few months old and can't talk to you, but after this much time, you should know whether they're happy or not! Ugh, ANYWAY, Luka chaffs her that he's more concerned about the day care employees, and the impact they'll feel when "the Hathaway twins hit day care." "Ross," she corrects him. "Their last name's Ross." The camera pulls in nice and tight, the better to capture her annoyance at Luka's rather innocent slip, and he quickly apologizes. She tells him it's okay, and he apologizes some more, and stammers another order regarding his patient before rushing off to the lounge to put on his hairshirt and beat himself with a green birch switch. Carol gazes serenely at the computer screen, silently commending herself for so bravely suffering his foolishness. I didn't know what the big deal was about the last name, and why her children couldn't as easily be named "Hathaway," but Sars informed me that, in the U.S., even in cases of single motherhood, a baby is to take her father's name (if such is known) in order to make subsequent claims of child support easier to secure. In Canada (to my knowledge), it is common for a baby born to a single mom to take her mom's name, and that there are no legal ramifications to it, although if the father and mother do subsequently choose to raise the child together, the father can give the child his name. At least, that's my vague understanding. I had three different last names before the age of seven, but naturally my memory as to the sequence and causality of those events is kind of hazy now.
But I digress. Luka greets a patient played by Dan Lauria, best known as Kevin Arnold's dad from The Wonder Years. He's experiencing tightness in his chest, and thinks it may be due to anxiety attacks. Luka asks him whether he has a history of heart disease, and Mr. Arnold says he doesn't. Luka asks what brings on the tight feeling, and Mr. Arnold says it's his wife. Not Norma! She's the salt of the earth! Just kidding. He explains that he's "going through a bad divorce." Luka asks whether the pain ever moves anywhere else, and Mr. Arnold moans, "I got aches and pains all over. I swear, she gets up every morning thinking how she can screw with me that day." Luka decides not to get involved in that whole area, and orders some tests from a nearby nurse. Mr. Arnold asks Luka whether he's married; when Luka says that he isn't, Mr. Arnold spits, "Stay that way. It's not enough she bankrupts me, she uses my son against me -- she's putting me in an early grave." Luka kindly says, "Let's see what we can do about that," instead of "Maybe if you actually knew from spouses and early graves, you wouldn't joke about it. I DON'T." Mr. Arnold chuckles gratefully.
Lisa points out Kerri's embryo on an ultrasound monitor, and says it looks like a good heartbeat. Kerri, lying back on the pillow with her hair spread out, suddenly looks very gaunt, and very jaundiced. She says, "By the time I get one to sleep, another one's hungry, or needs changing, or somebody's into something they shouldn't be." Lisa asks whether Kerri has any help, and Kerri says, by way of explanation, that her husband works a lot of hours: "You should see our grocery bill!" She smiles feebly. Ouch. Lisa tells Kerri that she's going to have to start taking better care of herself, since she's severely malnourished. Throughout these admonitions, Kerri stares off into the distance. Lisa stops and asks, "Did you know you were pregnant?" Kerri smiles guiltily, and nods. Lisa asks how long Kerri had known, and Kerri whispers, "I don't know." Lisa asks whether Kerri's told her husband, and Kerri says she hasn't. Lisa tightly asks, "And you were fasting?" This snaps Kerri out of her reverie; she insists that she wasn't, but that she just doesn't have time to eat. Lisa doesn't look convinced, and asks, "You weren't starving yourself trying to induce a miscarriage, were you?" Objection! Leading the witness! Kerri chirps, "We both wanted a big family. I just thought I'd get a break before we tried again -- that's all." Lisa briskly tells her that her body will always protect the fetus first, and that she's putting herself at risk for heart problems and kidney failure. Kerri has no response to that. Lisa asks directly: "Were you trying to terminate this pregnancy?" Kerri nods. Lisa blinks, and quietly says, "Well, there are safer ways to do that. Have you considered an abortion?" Kerri says, I can't have another baby right now; I just can't!" and covers her mouth in apparent horror at what she's just admitted. Lisa looks sad.
Mark and Carol cast a woman's wrist. Carol notes the patient's good luck at falling down a flight of concrete stairs and doing herself no more damage than breaking her wrist, which Mark calls "one of the benefits of alcohol consumption." This gives Carol an opening to complain that, between pregnancy and breast-feeding, she can't remember the last time she had a drink; however, she delivers this line in a dreamy, zombie-like tone reminiscent of Kerri in the last scene. Mark says he'd have more trouble giving up caffeine. Carol says she's thinking of weaning the kids: "It's been six months; I'm not sure how much longer I can deal." First of all, I don't think that the best reason to stop nursing a baby is that it's a hassle for you personally. Second, isn't six months unusually young for an infant to go off breast milk? Moms in the audience, help me out. Mark apparently doesn't agree with me, and tells Carol he's amazed she's lasted this long. "You don't think I'm a terrible mother?" Carol fishes. Mark says, "If you plan on being the perfect parent, you might as well fail now, while they can't remember." Carol sighs, and he asks if she's okay. Without meeting his eyes, she murmurs, "They deserve a father, Mark." In response, Mark drops this bombshell: "Doug's been seeing them." Uh. He has? As Sars pointed out when the Not! Line was in effect, is this something that happened on the ER Desktop? The last we heard of Doug, Carol had asked to call him right after the twins were born; we didn't even see the conversation. Yes, we all live in the real world and know that George Clooney isn't going to make a five-minute appearance on the show just to play patty-cake with the kids, but really, if Doug had been around at any time between Thanksgiving and now, someone would have mentioned it in passing, and they haven't! No, this mention in passing is not sufficiently expository! Anyway, Carol tells Mark that Doug has asked her to move to Seattle again, and that she thinks he's serious this time. Mark asks what she told him, but before she can answer, Lisa appears in the doorway asking for Mark; Carol tells him to go.
In the hall, Lisa tells Mark that Kerri was deliberately starving herself in the hopes of inducing a miscarriage. Lisa says, "I may have talked her into having an abortion." "She didn't ask for one?" he asks. Lisa says, "Well, she's scared. She doesn't want her husband to know; apparently, he's very controlling." Mark tells Lisa that she must refer Kerri to the GYN clinic, and Lisa says that she'd already offered to arrange things at the clinic on Kerri's behalf, today. Mark asks what the rush is, and Lisa says that this may be her only opportunity. Mark shakes his head in his usual passive-aggressive way, like, if you have something to say, spit it out, Baldo, and snots, "She can't get out of the house?" Lisa reminds Mark, "She has five kids under eight. She needs somebody to make it happen for her." "Meaning she might not be in an emotional state to make her own decision," Mark suggests. "No, she made it," Lisa insists. "She just needed a push." "And you pushed her?" Mark demands. Lisa looks shifty and admits that she doesn't know. Mark asks whether Lisa gave Kerri her options, and Lisa says she did, but that adoption won't work for Kerri because of her husband. She adds, "I'm afraid that if she has another kid, it's going to push her over the edge." In his best impatient/patient tone, Mark observes, "If she's gone to this much trouble to avoid an abortion, there's a part of her that has a problem with it." Lisa nods reluctantly, adding, "Or her husband does." Recognizing that he isn't going to win this one, Mark huffs, "Can GYN even do it?" Lisa says that she hasn't talked to them yet, and Mark tells her to ask them, since "it might not even be possible." Lisa thanks him and takes off before he can change his mind. He calls after her to be careful, and to make sure that an abortion is really what Kerri wants.
Finch is messing around with some supplies when Peter "Coyote" Benton steals up behind her and tells her that her surgical consult is here. Uh, that's pillow talk? Or, I guess, that's supply-closet talk? They briefly flirt in a banal fashion and then start making out. Yosh comes in behind them and says, "Don't worry about me, I'm getting some Lasix." Benton covers: "So. Lap belt injury, huh?" and Finch replies, "Yeah, CT is clear but he's guarding." Benton tells Yosh, "We were just...uh...discussing a patient." "I could use a good discussion myself," Yosh deadpans. Benton suggests that he go see the patient, and Finch chuckles, and follows him. Benton examines Eli, and Mr. Emerson asks Finch, "So...was the other surgeon wrong?" "What other surgeon?" Benton asks. Finch, keeping her eyes on Mr. Emerson in a very disconcerting manner, tells Benton, "Dr. Corday," and then asks him to step out for a minute. Spreading his hands out in evident frustration, Benton asks, "So Elizabeth already saw him?" Finch curtly says, "Sorry, I didn't get a chance to tell you." Well, even for an android, it is hard to talk when you're using your tongue to get a culture of your paramour's throat. (I'm sorry for that revolting image. But it's true.) She goes on to say that Elizabeth didn't think Eli warranted an ex-lap, and that Finch disagreed and therefore wanted a second opinion. Finch, I guess you didn't learn anything from another Eli -- the one on Once and Again, or you wouldn't be playing Mommy and Daddy off against each other like this. Benton backs Elizabeth up by saying that Eli's belly looks fairly benign, and that he doesn't look sick. Finch protests that Eli could have a leak in his small bowel and not look sick, and Benton points out that Eli doesn't even have a fever. Finch tells Benton that a delay in diagnosis can raise a patient's chance for mortality from five to sixty-five percent. Wait. Hold up. You're busting out statistics, now? Well, I guess that invalidates Benton's whole argument! Not. Benton says essentially the same thing, only he phrases it "Okay, okay, okay," and agrees to do the procedure. She thanks him, and he goes on his way with a seductive half-smile. Look, I firmly believe that whatever two consenting adults do to get each other off is totally their business. However, I think that when a sixteen-year-old boy's small bowel is involved, that's when you have to realize that you are a pervert.
Carter, assisted by a paramedic, hoists a construction worker -- still wearing his reflective vest -- onto a bed. He complains that they should watch his back. Carter asks him (Mr. Fazio) how far he fell, and he guesses that it was about six or eight feet. The paramedic pipes up: "Co-worker says it was about four." "Four, my ass!" Mr. Fazio yells, and for someone with a supposed back injury, he's gesticulating pretty wildly and freely. He adds that he thinks he heard something pop, and that he "probably blew out a disk." As Haleh and Carter help him out of his vest and jacket, the paramedic gives them the bullet: Mr. Fazio complained of weakness in his legs, and suffered a brief loss of consciousness. The paramedic gives his blood pressure and pulse stats, rolls his eyes, and leaves. Mr. Fazio asks if the numbers the paramedic quoted were bad, and Carter tells him they're normal. Carter asks Mr. Fazio to push his feet against Carter's hands, which he does, while grunting very theatrically. Carter asks him if that hurts, and Mr. Fazio growls, "Yeah! What do you think?" Carter asks whether Mr. Fazio's employer covers on-the-job injury, and Mr. Fazio sniffs, "He better!" Carter pushes down on Mr. Fazio's head and asks whether it increases the pain in his back; Mr. Fazio slides down the bed, all the while complaining that that hurts, too. Carter pronounces Mr. Fazio's injury an "M.U." Mr. Fazio asks if that's bad, and Carter says they're going to check it all out, and pulls the curtain. He then orders a number of tests, including a lumbar spine series, from Haleh, who asks him what an "M.U." is. Carter leans in and whispers, "Made-up."
Luka walks into Mr. Arnold's room. The patient asks whether what he's been experiencing are, in fact, anxiety attacks; Luka says he can't say for sure, but that Mr. Arnold's cardiac enzymes are normal, and that he's not seeing any irregularities on the EKG. Reassured, Mr. Arnold says he didn't think the problem was in his heart. Luka suggests that it might just be that Mr. Arnold is "overly stressed," and Mr. Arnold chuckles ruefully and says, "I could have told you that without the tests." Luka says he'll still have to monitor Mr. Arnold for another six to eight hours, since damage to the heart doesn't always show up in blood work right away, and that, considering the way Mr. Arnold came in, they need to be sure that his heart isn't the cause. Mr. Arnold says that he's sure he just got himself all worked up, and says that she (his wife, we may safely assume) is driving him crazy, and that he never wanted a divorce. He then starts to cry, which is actually very sad. Luka pulls the curtain around the bed, and Mr. Arnold says that every time it hits him that he's getting divorced, he doesn't know what he's doing, and that every day there are more phone calls from her lawyer, more threats, more demands. He says he doesn't know what he did wrong, and that he loves their son and still loves her. Poor Mr. Arnold. He apologizes for breaking down, saying that it's not Luka's problem, and Luka tells him that it's okay, and that maybe he can get a psychologist to speak to him. Then the heavens open up and shine sweet light on my face. I mean, "Luka smiles."
Lisa pushes a wheelchair into Kerri's room and tells her she just checked on Kerri's kids, and that they're "having a great time." Kerri anxiously says that they'll need to eat soon, and Lisa says that they're eating now. Kerri rubs her temple. Lisa asks, "Are you sure this is what you want?" Kerri quietly says, "Of course it's not what I want. It's what I need." Lisa says that she's worked it out with GYN and found a doctor who can squeeze her in today. Kerri jokes, "You better take me up there before I change my mind." Lisa's like, "Thanks for saying exactly the opposite thing I'm supposed to hear," and pulls up a stool to say, "Yeah, well, the thing is, I would hate for you to change your mind later on." Kerri says, "No, I know. I meant...forget it." Lisa asks her to say what's on her mind, and Kerri says, "I feel like such a hypocrite. I know that this is so wrong, I just keep telling myself I'm doing this for my family." Lisa suggests that Kerri could use a little more time to think about it, and Kerri says, "My husband is a good man, but he would never understand this. It would be better if he doesn't know. Let's just get it over with, okay?" Lisa agrees, and Kerri thanks her, adding, "This isn't easy to do alone." I have one thing to say about this plot line: I don't want to judge anyone, and I am aware that reproductive choices are nearly always complicated, but honestly, if I were married to a man I didn't feel free to tell the truth about whatever was going on in my uterus, I would get a divorce. I'm just sayin'. ["And maybe they could have had this little chat after Kid #3 or so? Like, tie it off, Mr. Kerri! God!" -- Sars]
At the desk, Randi calls Mark to the phone, saying that it's his father's nurse again. Well, I guess we know what happened to Carol's nanny after Carol fired her -- she went to work for Holling. Mark asks what she's calling about now, and Randi says that Holling's making racial slurs. "She's Swedish!" Mark says. Randi suggests that perhaps Holling called her a meatball. Heh. Mark tells Randi to tell the nurse that he'll be home in half an hour, and continues updating Luka on the status of the various cases on the board. Carter appears and Luka hands him a chart and asks him to look at a patient in exam six. On his way there, Haleh stops him and says that he got a critical result from the lab; it looks like Mr. Fazio may have leukaemia. Mark tells him to get a hematology consult, and Carter goes on his way, shaking his head. "Dr." Dave Malucci shows up at the desk looking for Carol. Haleh says she's upstairs. "Again?" Dr. Dave asks, incredulously. Haleh says she's on break. Dr. Dave whines, "She was just up there an hour ago!" but Haleh shuts him down: "What are you, the hall monitor?" Dr. Dave shirtily informs her that he's a resident with a patient who needs an NG tube, and Haleh makes the radical suggestion that he take care of it himself. Dr. Dave complains to Mark, who tells him to give Carol a break. Dr. Dave ominously remarks, "I don't think the chief would stand for this." Mark tells Dr. Dave to talk to him when he's raised to kids on his own. Dr. Dave sniffs that that was Carol's choice, and that he "shouldn't have to suffer for it." Yeah, well, it was John Wells's choice to hire you, and we all have to suffer for it, so suck it the hell up. I mean, I hate defending Carol as much as the guy, but really, it's her kids' first day in day care; cut the woman ten minutes of slack. Haleh snaps, "Oh, quit your whining, I'll put in your damn tube," although the first time I watched the episode I thought she'd said, "Oh, quit your whining -- I'll put that on your damn tomb," which would have been even sassier.
On his way to break the bad news to Mr. Fazio, Carter runs into Elizabeth in the hall. She asks where Eli is, and Carter tells her that he thinks Benton took him up to the OR. "Benton?!" Elizabeth demands, and heads off looking for someone to kill.
Carter asks Mr. Fazio how he's feeling. He says that something's wrong, and that his back is going through spasms. Carter gently tells him that the X-ray didn't show any fractured vertebrae. Mr. Fazio bitterly says that that doesn't mean he isn't in pain. Carter agrees that Mr. Fazio must be in pain. Mr. Fazio says he can't work like this, and Carter gravely says that he doesn't think Mr. Fazio will be going back to work. A bit too excitedly, Mr. Fazio asks, "Yeah? For how long?" Carter takes a breath, and tells Mr. Fazio that he has leukaemia. Mr. Fazio laughs, "Come on! Get out of here! I fell off a freakin' ladder!" Carter says that hematology is coming down, but before he can continue, Jing-Mei "Deb" Chen knocks on a nearby glass window and calls him over to deal with a trauma.
In the trauma room, Chen and Lily are working on a ten-year-old girl in anaphylactic shock. To make a long recap marginally shorter, they need to do a fiberoptic intubation. Chen goes to do it but doesn't do it quite as quickly as Carter would like, so he very rudely shoves her out of the way to bag the patient instead, and then Chen pouts.
At his apartment, Mark ushers the nurse, Mrs. Fredriksson, out the door, apologizing for Holling and assuring her that he'll be better tomorrow. She testily replies that he couldn't be any worse. From within, we hear David "Holling" Greene yelling, "Is she gone?" Mrs. Fredriksson makes a "well, I never" face and continues on her way.
Inside, Holling leans in the kitchen doorway looking way, way more frail than he did last week; he's using both a cane and an oxygen tank. Mark tells him he'll be lucky if Mrs. Fredriksson comes back, and Holling sneers, "Speak for yourself." Mark says that they need her, and that someone has to be home when Mark can't be. Holling reminds him that Mrs. Fredriksson's presence wouldn't be required if Mark had let Holling go to the hospice as Holling himself had wanted. The camera pulls back to show a wider view of the living room, which is now dominated by a hospital bed. Various other boxes lie around the room; as they talk, Mark busies himself by unpacking them. Mark points out that if Holling were at the hospice, he'd be surrounded by strangers, but Holling argues, "They don't get much stranger than Nurse Von Bulow," and complains that the room looks like a "damn hospital" and that all the gear must be expensive. Mark, still unpacking boxes, tells Holling not to worry about that. Holling asks what Mark's taking out of the box, and Mark tells him it's a portable toilet. Horrified, Holling gasps, "You got me a -- a Johnny-on-the-Spot?" Mark wearily assures him that it's "just for convenience," but Holling declares that he has no intention of "taking a dump in [Mark's] living room," and that he's "not a damn invalid" and "can still make it to the bathroom." By now, Holling is quite agitated and is having trouble breathing, so Mark puts his arm around him and leads him to a chair, getting him some albuterol and promising to return the portable toilet.
Lisa walks through the desk and out to chairs, where Kerri's husband is waiting to speak with her. He is played by Bradley Gregg, most widely known as Eyeball Chambers, the older brother of River Phoenix's character Chris in Stand By Me. Lisa introduces herself and tells him Kerri was "a little dehydrated and tired." He says that he was told Kerri had to be brought in by ambulance, and Lisa admits that it's true, but that that is the standard procedure when patients lose consciousness. Eyeball says, "Oh, God," and Lisa assures him that it's okay -- that Kerri had a small abrasion on her forehead, but that she mostly needed to rest. Eyeball says she overdoes it, and Lisa suggests that he look into getting Kerri some help at home. He says "yeah" in a tone that sounds more like "whatever" and asks if he may see her. Lisa takes a breath and starts lying: "She went upstairs for some tests." Eyeball asks what kind of tests, and Lisa says that since Kerri was anemic they had to do some blood work and check her heart, and smoothly suggests that she take Eyeball to see his kids. As they go, he reminds Lisa that she'd said that Kerri only needed to rest. Lisa agrees that she did say that, but that the doctors are "just being thorough." Eyeball says, "I should really be with her," and Lisa says, "That might be difficult." I don't know how she can walk around when her pants are on fire like that.
Elizabeth storms in as Benton scrubs and asks whether he was planning to call her about the ex-lap he's about to perform. He tartly replies that he didn't know he was expected to ask her permission. She asks, "Did your friend bother to tell you that I'd examined this patient first?" Benton replies, "Dr. Finch fully advised me of your surgical opinion." Elizabeth sarcastically says, "Oh, I'll bet she did." Benton says that he made his own clinical assessment. Elizabeth says that the patient in question is currently asymptomatic, and Benton informs her with a smirk that Eli's white count rose to 18,000. Elizabeth says that, in that case, Finch should have called her. Benton says that maybe Finch figured that Elizabeth had already made up her mind. Elizabeth says that she was observing him, and adds, "Dr. Finch may not be as comfortable with me as she obviously is with you, but had she disclosed the elevated white count, I might have changed my mind." "Maybe," says Benton, looking very amused. His amusement only serves to make her even more irate, and she commands him to stop scrubbing. He smirks at her some more, and she tells him again to stop. He tells her that he's operating on Eli, and she curtly replies, "No, you're not. I am." He protests that he's ready, but she pulls rank as Associate Chief of Surgery. He is incredulous, but she's like, "Believe it, bitch." (I'm paraphrasing, here.)
Carter is sitting at the desk, looking like he's got a headache THIS BIG, when he's addressed by Dan Shine, the hematologist. Carter asks how Mr. Fazio's bone marrow biopsy went, and Dr. Shine says that his bone marrow is perfectly normal, and that Mr. Fazio's chart number was switched with that of another patient, Mr. Simpson (or, for our purposes, "Mr. Arnold"). Carter snappishly orders Randi to get Luka. Dr. Shine tells Carter that when Mr. Fazio found out that the leukaemia diagnosis was a mistake, he threatened to sue. "Oh, I'm sure he did," Carter replies ruefully. Eyeball appears at another side of the desk asking where Kerri is. Carter checks the board and tells Eyeball she's in the gynecology clinic. Eyeball, confused, repeats, "Gynecology clinic? I thought she was anemic." Carter very impatiently says that he didn't take care of Kerri, and tells Eyeball to go sit down. Eyeball spots Lisa walking toward him, and catches up with her, saying, "It says GYN by my wife's name -- is that right?" Lisa nervously glances at the board and evasively replies, "Why don't you have a seat, and I'll go check on her?" An increasingly inflamed Eyeball asks whether there's something wrong with Kerri that Lisa's not telling him. Lisa tells him that Kerri's fine, and Eyeball asks why, then, she's in gynecology: "Is she pregnant?" Plainly running out of ways to stall Eyeball, Lisa him he should really wait until his wife comes back. He says that he doesn't want her to wait anymore, and that he wants Lisa to tell him what's wrong with Kerri. Sensing trouble a-brewin', Carter gets off his stool and stands behind the desk, near Lisa and Eyeball. Lisa finally says she can't tell Eyeball what's wrong with Kerri, at which Eyeball is incredulous, but Carter backs Lisa up, saying that medical information must remain confidential. Which, I guess, is why patients' names and medical emergencies are written out for the delectation of anyone who knows how to read. Eyeball begs Lisa to tell him what's wrong, finally twigging: "She's not having an abortion, is she?" Lisa doesn't answer. Eyeball glances from Lisa to Carter and, breaking down, asks again, "Is she?" Lisa says that she can't say. Eyeball asks what floor the GYN clinic's on, and when Lisa doesn't answer, screams the question again. She tells him it's the ninth floor, and he takes off. Lisa looks down. Carter watches Eyeball running for the elevator, and is then joined by Luka, who asks if Carter had sent for him.
The shot shows Mr. Arnold in bed with his arms crossed, asking Luka if it isn't possible that the diagnosis is "another mistake." Luka tells him they double-checked. Mr. Arnold asks, "How long?" Luka says that it's hard for him to say, but Mr. Arnold presses him for a "best guess." Luka tells him that, with a successful bone-marrow transplant, there's a 60% survival rate at five years. "Without one?" Mr. Arnold asks hopelessly. Luka says that, with chemotherapy alone, his chances are about half that. Mr. Arnold is shell-shocked, so Luka keeps talking, telling him that they'll do everything they can to find a donor, including typing his brothers and sisters. Mr. Arnold says that he doesn't have any brothers or sisters. Luka asks about his parents, and Mr. Arnold says he has an uncle. "That's good!" Luka says, attempting to sound happy, and adds that there's also Mr. Arnold's son (Kevin?). Mr. Arnold smiles feebly, and says, "He's only eight." Luka says that Kevin is probably Mr. Arnold's best chance. Mr. Arnold comments that he should probably call his wife, and Luka agrees that he should. You know that jackass Wayne is just going to ruin everything, somehow.
Elizabeth bustles into the ER, finding Finch and asking about a surgical consult. Finch says she has a nine-year-old with right-side abdominal pain, and that she thinks it's a "hot appy." "You didn't bring him to the OR yourself?" Elizabeth snots. Finch adds, "Temp's 101," by way of answer, I suppose. Elizabeth says, "I just closed Eli Emerson's belly." Finch turns at this, with all kinds of alarms and system errors going on in her head, and says, "I thought Peter was going to --" "No," Elizabeth tells her firmly, "Eli was my consult, my responsibility. Fortunately there was no perforation." "That's a relief," says Finch. Elizabeth sniffs, "Pity I had to cut him open." Finch replies that it's better to know than to regret it later. Elizabeth nods, and adds, "I know you have special access to Peter, but in the future, I'd appreciate it if you'd come to me if you have a problem with one of my calls." Finch points out that Elizabeth must have agreed with him, or she wouldn't have performed the surgery. Elizabeth, still pulling rank, replies, "A simple 'Yes, Elizabeth' will do." Finch aims at exasperation, asking whether Elizabeth wants the appendix case or not; Elizabeth yanks the chart out of her hands and hoofs it down the hall. Benton, obscured by a curtain a discreet distance away, giggles and tells himself, "I'm the man." Okay, not really.
In an exam room, Carter joins Carol and some random nurse as they help Pablo, the recurring homeless character, out of a wheelchair. Carter is friendly and they all call Pablo by name. Carol informs Carter that Pablo's street was swept, and that all his stuff is gone. Pablo seems to be a bit disoriented and as Carter repeatedly asks him how much he's had to drink, Pablo doesn't answer but instead continues to tell the story of the loss of his things. Carol puts a bag on an IV stand and takes his arm to insert the IV, and Pablo, surprised and annoyed by the attention, pulls his arm away and upsets a tray of instruments. Carter springs into action, saying, "Soft restraints," and going to get them. Carol tells him that she's okay, and that the tray upset was an accident, but Carter's having none of it (gee, I wonder why? Oh, wait, I don't), and tells her to call Security. Carol tells him it was an accident, but Carter administers a dose of Haldol to a thoroughly unimpressed Pablo. Carol, as sensitive as ever, asks what the hell is wrong with Carter, and tells him that "they don't come any gentler" than Pablo. He asks whether she's going to help him restrain Pablo, and she tells him she won't, so Carter stomps out, telling her to call him when Pablo's calmed down. Carter, please get some therapy. Good lord.
Carol shuffles supplies in a trauma room. Carter comes in looking for "four-by-fours." He sits down on the bed to rest his back and legs and as she hands him a four-by-four, she asks what's going on with him, and what was the deal with his overreaction to Pablo. He says he was just trying to be careful, and that maybe it was just a bad call. She sits to him and tells him that she knows what it's like to have your whole life change: "A year ago, I was living with Doug; now I'm living alone with two babies. Go figure." Uh, no one stabbed Doug, okay? Or you (yet), so I really fail to see what any of that has to do with Carter. She tries to tie it together by saying that big changes take a while to adjust to. Carter pulls an envelope out of his pocket and says simply, "Lucy matched." Carol asks where, and he says, "Here. She got a spot in psych." Irony is so bored by this point, he's not even in my office waiting to bludgeon me with a rubber mallet, and is instead downstairs in the kitchen having a bowl of Lucky Charms, but calls up the stairs, "Hey! Psych! Did you get that?" "Yeah," I mutter. "Can you bring me a Coke?" Carol says, "There's always going to be something, Carter." "Well, what are you going to do?" he replies. "Go back to work," she offers. Whatever.
Holling, sitting at the dinner table, calls to Mark in the kitchen: "She's not really Swedish." "Mrs. Fredriksson?" Mark asks. Holling informs Mark that while she's married to a Swedish man, she is Dutch herself. Mark condescendingly says, "So you did talk to her?" Holling says that he didn't talk at all, and that she did all the talking: "Finally, about halfway through watching Rosie O'Donnell, I told her to stick her damn thumb in her dike and shut the hell up." HA! Mark, incredulous yet amused, says, "You didn't." Holling confirms that he did, and then asks what Mark has served him. Mark says that it's meatloaf, and that it's the only dish his mother made that he can still remember. Holling asks where the egg is, and explains that Mark's mother used to cook meatloaf with a hard-boiled egg in the middle, so that each slice would contain a little bit of egg. Mark, chastened, admits that he forgot that part. Holling gruffly says that he never cared much for the egg, anyway. Mark smiles and hands him a roll. Mmm, meatloaf. Mark says that work was "pretty decent." Holling makes some non-verbal noise that sounds, to me, a lot like "I don't care." Mark asks whether anything happened "around here," and Holling disgustedly asks what could have happened. Mark says that Holling and Mrs. Frederiksson must have done something, and Holling growls, "What the hell would we do, Mark? Play Parcheesi?" Mark tells Holling to forget it, and says that he was just trying to make conversation. Holling, bless him, says, "Yeah, okay. Whatever." Holling said "whatever"! He then says that Mark's mom used to serve meatloaf with peas, not string beans (as Mark has done). Mark nods tolerantly.
Lisa walks into the GYN clinic and straight up to Eyeball. She asks how Kerri's doing, and Eyeball says, "She's going to be okay." Lisa says that's good. Eyeball apologizes for letting his emotions get the better of him earlier. Lisa says it's okay. Eyeball says that Kerri let herself get run-down, and a little depressed, and he guesses he didn't see it. Throughout this scene, he's speaking in this low, gravelly, mellow tone of voice that for all the world suggests a stalker trying to placate an authority figure. He's so even-tempered, in fact, that I expect that the cause of his good spirits is his having caught up with Kerri before the abortion took place. Lisa assures him that it's easy to overlook the signs of depression in a loved one. Eyeball says that Kerri's resting now, so he's going to go check on the kids. Lisa makes a beeline for Kerri's room and asks how she's doing. Kerri says she's okay. Lisa tells her she ran into Eyeball outside, and Kerri says, "He was pretty upset, but he's better now. He forgave me." "Forgave you?" Lisa asks. Kerri elaborates (sort of): "We all make mistakes sometimes." "And what you did today -- that was a mistake?" Lisa asks. Kerri says, "He didn't call it that -- just a moment of weakness." Lisa cocks her head and asks what Kerri thinks. Kerri doesn't answer Lisa's question, saying instead, "And he talked to the doctor and I'm going to be fine. We'll be able to try again soon." "For another baby?" Lisa asks, as if she's hoping to be contradicted by Kerri telling her that the thing they're going to try for will be a vasectomy for Eyeball. If you ask me, it doesn't seem like much "trying" was involved in Kerri's bearing the five children in seven years she's already managed. Not that there's anything wrong with that -- I'm just sayin', it doesn't really sound like it was much of an uphill battle. Kerri dreamily says that Eyeball is "a wonderful father," and says that they've both always wanted a big family. Lisa looks defeated, but manages to smile as she agrees, "Kids are great," and advises Kerri to "get some rest," without adding "while you can." Lisa steps out and closes the door behind her, rolling her eyes with the force and momentum of a boulder rolling down a hillside.
In the lounge, Chuny and Conni are sitting on the couch, cooing over an album full of Ross baby pictures. Luka staggers in -- another shift still ahead of him, mind -- and Conni shows off one of the photos to him. He agrees that it's very cute, and goes out to meet a trauma. As the door swings shut on his sweet, sweet ass, Chuny remembers that Luka himself had two children, both of whom died. Was that on the ER Desktop, too? How would they know that?
Carol joins Luka in the ambulance bay. He asks where the girls are; she says she's on her way to pick them up and asks how much longer he's on. Luka says that, if Romano gets his way, "probably forever." Ah, it's so rare that Romano and I agree on anything. Carol awkwardly tells him that she'd just realized, looking at her own photos of Kate and Tess, that she's never seen any pictures of his children. He asks whether she wants to see one now, and he takes out his wallet and pulls out a small black-and-white photo of a girl sitting on a woman's lap, and says it's "Jasna. That was her birthday party. She was four." Carol says that both Jasna and Mrs. Kovac were beautiful. Luka quietly says, "Yes, she was." Carol asks whether she may see a picture of his son, and Luka says that he doesn't have any. Carol asks whether he means he doesn't have any on him, or whether he doesn't have any at all. Luka smiles sadly and says, "No, I'm lucky to have this one. I Just have to close my eyes and he's there -- usually with chocolate ice cream on his face and hands." Carol looks like she may cry, and says, "I'm sorry." Luka is actually smiling happily and gratefully, and tells her not to be sorry: "Thank you for asking." The ambulance pulls up, and he says, "Here I go, back to work." He chucks her on the arm and says he'll see her tomorrow. The coat Julianna Margulies is wearing subsequently goes up for auction on eBay; Saturnyne's opening bid is $10,000.
Benton sleeps. Finch comes in and curls up beside/on him.
Carter pads into the insanely large kitchen at his Gamma's house and gets himself a glass of milk. Dude, I don't even cook and I want that kitchen. It's about the size of the whole ground floor of our apartment. Anyway, a housekeeper appears in her nightgown, calls him "Dr. John" (heh), and offers to make him something to eat. She goes back to bed. He drinks his milk and ponders his own mortality. Or something.
In the dark, Holling bellows Mark's name. Mark stumbles out of bed and tumbles through the kitchen, without stopping to pour himself a cup of ambition, and heads into the dark living room, where he promptly trips over several pieces of medical equipment. Holling reminds Mark that he'd told him that "all this stuff would get in the way," and that he'd been trying to go to the bathroom but got "tangled up" in all the medical flotsam. Holling groans, "I should be able to go to the bathroom by myself." Mark says that he blames himself and that he should have left the lamp on. As they walk toward the bathroom, Holling angrily observes that his pyjamas are "soaked." Mark tells him that it's okay, and that they can get him another pair, but Holling's having none of it: "I haven't wet the bed since I was five!"
Mark asks Holling to sit on the toilet while the shower warms up. "You shouldn't have to do this, Mark," Holling tells him. Mark suggests that Holling "think of all the times [he] did this" for Mark when he was younger. Mark gingerly undresses Holling and replaces his oxygen tube. Holling moans, "This isn't right, Mark. This isn't right." Holling catches his breath and looks utterly defeated. Damn, Mark -- give the man what he wants.