Props to random person, Maggie, Kate, and Sars.
Previously on ER: Meg's baby was taking drugs, even though Meg claimed she was "hardly using"; Jeanie skived off work to hang out with Carlos, the cutest damn baby in creation; and Hawkeye exhibited some wacked-out behaviour in the ER.
Kerry "Cleopatra, Queen of Denial" Weaver and John "Rooster Hannigan" Carter make their way down the stairs from the El; it's raining hard, so Carter offers to help Weaver with her stuck umbrella. (And, no, that's not what the kids are calling it these days.) Weaver remarks that she hates coming in to work when it's still dark out. Ew, so did I. As they reach the bottom of the stairs, they see several ambulances streaking past. Carter deadpans, "That doesn't look promising." Weaver shrieks, "A perfect start to what's bound to be a perfect day!"
In the ambulance bay, Mark "Baron Von Yawn" Greene gets the bullet from a paramedic; the patient, a ninety-year-old woman, is suffering due to smoke inhalation. Mark barks some orders and steps back toward Weaver, who asks Mark what's going on. He replies that there was a fire at a nursing home, and that "there weren't enough people there to get them out." At this point, my friend Kate and I both groaned and said, "Can you imagine?" At least none of the old folks is likely to be friends with any gangbangers who'll come into the ER and start shooting up the place, which will make for a nice change. Then again, maybe I'm being ageist. Mark sends Carter to attend to the last ambulance.
Inside, another elderly patient with "a left-side stroke" and "altered mental status" but "no singed nasal hairs" is being brought in on a gurney. Weaver comes crutching in behind her. Haleh, who is behind the desk, hangs up the phone and says, "They're sending us two more: one critical, full thickness burns." Weaver asks who's on the desk. Haleh replies, "No one. Steve called in sick, and Randi left at 6:30." In disbelief, Weaver says, "She didn't wait for her replacement?" Haleh, bless her, firmly says, "I am not her keeper. You want to bitch at somebody, bitch at her." Mark calls for Haleh, who leaves the desk, but not before telling Weaver that Jeanie called to say that she won't be in either. Weaver doesn't reply, but instead futzes with her sticky umbrella for a few seconds before throwing it down in frustration.
Peter "Cuckold?" Benton comes down the stairs at Jackie's house, while we hear the sound of her voice, and her daughter's, having a typical morning conversation (i.e. "You dumped your basketball stuff on the basement steps. You want your stuff to end up in the washer, you PUT IT IN THE BASKET"). Benton kisses Reese, who's sitting in his high chair. As her daughter goes in search of her knapsack, Jackie says to Benton, "She can throw a twenty-foot fading jumper, but she can't get within ten yards of the hamper." Heh. Benton says, "You got a minute?" Jackie testily replies, "Not really." Undeterred, Benton says, "Yeah, uh...Carla told me that Reese might not be mine." Jackie pauses for a beat, then continues her tidying while asking him what he's going to do. Benton says he doesn't know, and adds, "I don't know that I believe her, with everything that's going on." Jackie chuckles bitterly and says, "That bitch. What the hell is the matter with her?" Warningly, Benton says, "Jackie..." Jackie stops him before he can say anything else in Carla's defense: "No. Everything she's put you through, and she isn't even sure?" Benton sort of shrugs. Jackie says, more kindly, "I'm sorry. But I don't know what's worse -- that she's always known, or she's just doing this to get Reese." Benton says that he got a paternity test, but that he hasn't taken it yet. Jackie asks how long it takes. He says that he doesn't know how long it takes, or even if he'll take the test at all. Jackie tells him that he has to. With mounting frustration, Benton asks, "What if I'm not his father, huh?" With a no-bullshit tone that would make Haleh proud, Jackie says, "What are you going to do, wait 'til he gets older, Peter? He's bound to find out." Benton turns his back, yelling, "Yeah, I know!" Jackie continues, "And then he's going to know that you lied to him." Benton looks out the window. Jackie comes up behind him and strokes his back. Seriously, when is Jackie going to get her own spin-off? She rocks.
Carol "Nosy Parker" Hathaway stands with her umbrella outside an apartment building as Meg comes out. Meg says, "Hi, what do you want?" not especially unkindly. Carol says that she tried to call, but that the phone kept ringing. Meg says that she doesn't always hear it, since it's down the hall, and that she has to get to work. Carol asks if Meg's still working at the pharmacy. By way of answer, Meg says that the pay sucks but the hours are good. Carol says that Meg's tests came back, and that Meg has to come back to the hospital to be treated for her bladder infection. Meg makes a brief whatever face, so Carol pulls out her eternal trump card: "A bladder infection can be very dangerous when you're pregnant." Uh, Carol? Hi. Yeah...uh, I think that if Meg really cared about her baby's health, she wouldn't have spent the first seven months of her pregnancy smoking and shooting up. I know that you'd like to buy the world -- and the world's unborn baby -- a Coke, but if Meg doesn't give a shit about her child -- and she clearly doesn't -- then all your ministrations are going to have no effect whatsoever, and you probably should have gathered that about two episodes ago. Anyway, Meg dismissively says that she'll come back when she gets a chance. Carol asks whether Meg has given any more thought to the detox program, and adds, "You really have to." Meg says that she stopped using "about five days ago." Carol says, "Good for you." Meg books. Carol watches her go. Carol? One more thing. I have this great vacation land in Florida that I really think you should buy. Also, the Brooklyn Bridge just came on the market. Are you interested?
At the desk, Weaver is on the phone yelling at someone that she needs doctors. Hey, maybe Luka's still around. Try the second floor. Behind her, a blond goateed guy in a tan shirt and an ID tag tries to get her attention. Without hanging up, she glances over her shoulder and snaps, "Go away." On the phone, she says, "I've got eleven fried old folks. You want to compare patient loads?" On another phone, Malik leans toward the Tan Shirt Guy and says, "You need something? Talk to the boss lady," indicating Weaver, who is in the process of yelling, "Hey! You're in a nasty car accident, I hope you end up down here so that I can personally be of absolutely no damn help to you whatsoever." Ha! And at the same time, that's really not going to be at all effective. Weaver hangs up the phone and turns back to Tan Shirt Guy, who is pretty cute, and introduces himself as "Andrew." She asks if he's a doctor, and when he says no, tells him to sit down: "I'll get to you when I get to you." He starts to go, but then blah blah Margaret Ramey sent me blah blah he's the substitute desk clerk. He starts to ask for instructions, but she cuts him off with a terse, "You're a clerk. Clerk." Before crutching off, she barks at Malik: "Get on the phone to anybody who has the day off. Tell them to get into work today if they still want to work here tomorrow."
A distressed-looking elderly lady in a white robe with a fireman's coat thrown over it, and ashy marks all over her face, wanders down the hall. Carter offers to help her, and she explains that she's lost her husband. Carter asks her if she was in the fire. Hmm, let's see. Ash on face. Borrowed fireman's coat. I'd say you've cracked this case wide open, Hercule Duh-rot. In answer to his question, the woman answers that her husband's name is Barry, and she was following him down the hall, and "they went so fast!" Cheerily, Carter says, "Let's go find him!"
In one of the trauma rooms, Mark and his posse are working on an old man. Carter says that he found Mark's patient's wife's in the hall, and asks if she can come in. Confidently, Mark says that she can, and asks Carter if he's free. Carter says he is, and Mark says that Carter can take Barry since Mark has two patients at the moment. He starts to bring Carter up to speed, and Mrs. Barry says, "Barry, I'm right here." Barry is having trouble breathing. The doctors ask him to sit up, and Mrs. Barry says that he can't lift himself. They help him up to a sitting position while he continues to struggle for breath; when he sees Mrs. Barry standing at the end of the bed, he smiles, and she smiles back. Aw. It seems that Barry has "wet crackles bilaterally"; Mark gives Carter some more instructions, and leaves.
Another old woman -- this one seventy-eight years old, with rheumatoid arthritis and a contusion to the left thigh -- is brought in from the ambulance bay with Carol following close behind. She walks up to Gabriel "Hawkeye" Lawrence, who remarks that he "should have had that third cup of coffee this morning." Carol asks what's going on. Weaver yells an explanation, then asks Hawkeye to go supervise the residents, and Carol to take over the desk.
In one of the exam rooms, Dave "Dr. Dave" Malucci is examining an elderly patient while Haleh stands by. He says there are no physical signs of smoke inhalation, but that "she's still short of breath and hypoxic." Haleh, sounding like she's running out of patience, updates him on her pulse ox. Dr. Dave gives the patient one of those breathing tube deals and expresses confusion at what the problem could be. Haleh asks if he wants her to go get Mark, and Dr. Dave defensively answers, "No!" Haleh says, "You appreciate the coarse rhonchi at the right base?" Dr. Dave checks it out, and says, "She's got pneumonia." Very sarcastically, Haleh says, "Not much gets by you, does it, Dr. Dave?" Dr. Dave starts to order tests, and Haleh completes the sentence before he can, handing him the chart to sign. Dr. Dave smiles ruefully. Okay, when Jackie gets her own show, I want Haleh to be her funny neighbour.
Oh, God. Behind the desk, Malik tells Carol that Andrew can do "imitations," and he does an extended impression of Keanu Reeves as Ted from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. Good thing that movie isn't more than ten years old. Oh wait. It is. Andrew looks a lot less cute to me now. He also claims that he mostly does improv at Second City, and that this is just his day job. Don't go quitting it, dude. Anyway, Weaver comes in to ask Malik if he's been able to reach Jeanie. He says that she told him she's not coming in. Weaver grouses that she hasn't been in all week, and tells Malik, "Call her again and tell her to come in here -- if not to work, then to explain to me why I shouldn't fire her."
Lucy "Van Pelt" Knight comes into what looks like some kind of lab. Her hair, miraculously, is in two very tight braids, which just leads me to think, once again, that someone is reading Sars's recaps. Dr. Dave, who is standing beside a burning Bunsen burner, tells her he just had a "great pickup." He starts bragging about it, but she is totally unimpressed, and tells him that the burner is still on, and that the tap he's using sticks, and he has to jiggle it. He's so busy crowing over the case that he ignores her and leaves the burner on. At the end of his narrative, she diagnoses pneumonia. In a deflated tone, he says, "Right." Lucy tells him that the patient was lucky to have Dr. Dave as her physician. Dr. Dave says, "Damn straight." At the door, Lucy pauses, and says, "Haleh told me that she heard the rhonchi on the patient; told you." Busted! Elsewhere, Haleh calls the Tribune and takes out a classified ad to announce Dr. Dave's lack of diagnostic acumen. Okay, she doesn't, but she should have.
In the trauma room, Barry has an oxygen mask over his face and is trying to talk to Mrs. Barry. She calls to Carter and says that she can't understand Barry. Carter says that he's not getting enough oxygen, which can lead to confusion and disorientation. He explains, "His lungs are very sick. Right now, our only option is to place a tube down his throat to help him breathe. But I don't know that that will be helpful." Mrs. Barry asks if there isn't a chance that Barry might get better. Reluctantly, Carter admits, "There is a chance," and adds, "but in his declining health, I'm not optimistic." Desperately, Mrs. Barry says again, "But he could get better!" Carter agrees, "Yes, he could." Mrs. Barry says, "Then let's try it." Carter says, "It could also be his heart." Mrs. Barry's face immediately falls, and Carter quickly suggests that they run some more tests, and make sure that they're doing the right thing first, before putting him on a ventilator.
Elsewhere, Cleo "Doyle II: The Wrath of Doyle" Finch is attending to an old woman thrashing around on the bed and yelping, "Help me!" over and over again. Hawkeye comes in and stands on the other side of the bed while Cleo explains that she's delusional, but that there isn't anything physically wrong with her. She tells him the drugs she's already given the patient, and hands Hawkeye the chart. He regards it for a moment, then says he lost his reading glasses. The patient grabs his arm and shakes it, crying, "Help me! Why won't you help me? Please! Help me! Help me!" Cleo says, "These dementia cases are so sad. I hated my geriatric rotation; that's one of the reasons I chose pedes." While the patient continues crying for help and flailing around, Hawkeye says, "It looks like you're doing fine," and takes off out of the room. Hey, do you think it's because Hawkeye can recognize his own advancing early-onset Alzheimer's and fears that he'll be reduced to the same condition in a short while? Because I do! Dear ER writers: Remember what Sars said last week about the fact that we get it? WE STILL GET IT. Signed, Wing Chun. Co-signed, The world.
Anyway, out in the hall, Hawkeye watches the patient while Cleo and Yosh continue to try to calm her down. Weaver crutches up and asks, "How's she doing?" Hawkeye answers, "Fine," and walks off rather quickly. Mark comes up to give Weaver the tally of all the nursing-home patients and where they've ended up. At the end of it, he asks, "Do you smell gas?" Weaver says she does. Malik appears behind them and Mark asks if he can smell it; Malik smells it too. Weaver says she'll call maintenance and tells Malik to get everyone out of the hall. Mark walks into a trauma room and calls, "Definitely stronger in here." Right on cue -- because it's now an NBC by-law that there cannot be an episode of ER that does not contain the spectacular breaking of glass -- the window between the trauma room and the little lab blows out, knocking Mark to the ground and setting off the ceiling sprinklers. Mark covers his face with his hands and groans. I do likewise.
Hawkeye checks Mark's ear and says that both eardrums are intact. He asks, "Ringing still bad?" Mark, polishing his glasses, doesn't respond, so Hawkeye asks again, more loudly, and Mark nods. Weaver says that the fire department said that the explosion was caused by someone having left a Bunsen burner on. Cleo says that she was doing "a stain" earlier, but that she's sure she turned the burner off. Lucy gives Dr. Dave the stink-eye for a second, but he says nothing, and neither does she. Hawkeye asks Mark if he wants to set up an appointment with an audiologist, but Mark says it's not necessary: "I had it worse sitting too close to the stage at a Clash concert." Yeah, as if Mark ever went to a Clash concert. Just admit that it was Andy Williams, Mark; you'll feel better. Weaver says, "Could this day get any worse?" On cue, Robert "Rocket" Romano comes in from the adjacent trauma room, asking, "What the hell happened here?" Weaver explains as briefly as possible. Romano says that he heard the explosion on the fourth floor. Weaver says that, fortunately, no one was hurt, and adds the bit about the Bunsen burner. Cleo, Lucy, and Dr. Dave look guilty.
Carter examines a husky lad, accompanied by his husky dad. Husky Lad is sick to his stomach; he and Husky Dad shared a pizza for dinner, but there hasn't been any vomiting. Husky Lad says that there's some pain around his "belly button." Carter asks how old he is; Husky Lad says he's twelve. Okay, I don't want to be unkind, because I myself am not the most slender reed in the pond, but this kid is really big for twelve. Carter asks, "You married?" which always makes me laugh when people ask it of kids. Husky Dad chuckles obligingly. Carter remarks that Husky Lad is big for his age, and asks if he plays football. Husky Dad says that Husky Lad is more into videogames, and claims that "that's what kids do now." Husky Lad also has some pain in his back. Lily calls Carter to look after another patient, and on his way out, he tells Husky Dad that he thinks Husky Lad just has "a touch of the stomach flu."
In the lounge, Conni is showing off an ice cream cake that she says is "pistachio, almond, and peppermint." Haleh makes "yum" noises, and Chuny speaks as my surrogate: "Peppermint?" Word; I'm down with the nut flavours together, but throwing in the peppermint is just gross -- and I love mint ice cream. Not that a fictional ice cream cake is that important to me, or anything. Conni tartly says, "Just eat the pistachio, then." Weaver comes in as Conni's putting the cake in the freezer and groans, "Oh, God. Another birthday? We should just leave the decorations up permanently." Lily explains that it's for Carol's baby shower, and Chuny adds, "It's a surprise." Conni produces a pair of reading glasses and says she just found them in the freezer. Weaver quietly says, "May I see those?" On her way out, Haleh says, "I've left mine in some pretty weird places -- in the dryer, one time!" I only transcribe that because I love Haleh. Conni asks Weaver if they're hers; Weaver checks them out and says, "No, but I think I know whose they are."
Benton walks into Elizabeth "Crumpet Strumpet" Corday's new office and asks if she has a minute. She tells him they can talk while she works, and complains about the state of her office -- formerly Romano's -- briefly before saying, "Sorry. You wanted to talk?" No sooner has Benton opened his mouth than Romano appears in the doorway and snipes, "Slumming amongst we simple surgical folk, Dr. Benton?" Benton wearily turns his head away as Elizabeth tells Romano they were just talking about a patient. Romano says, "Nothing that was taking Peter away from the electrifying excitement of trauma medicine, I hope?" Romano tells Elizabeth that he has a hernia scheduled for the morning but that he's going to be tied up in a meeting with the insurance people, so he was hoping she could take it for him. She takes a sip of her coffee and he adds that it's at 6 AM. She chokes. He tells them about the explosion in the ER and says that the insurance people are concerned about hospital safety. Elizabeth anxiously asks whether anyone was hurt. Romano says, "Your boyfriend got his hair mussed a bit." Apparently confused by the reference to his hair, Elizabeth asks, "Mark?" Romano says yes, and adds that Mark bounced right back, except for the temporary deafness. On his way out, he pauses and returns to ask Elizabeth, "How much would you pay for my sperm?" Elizabeth splutters, "I beg your pardon?" Flatly, Romano says, "Oh, was that sexual harassment? Oh. Oh my." She crosses her arms, and he continues, "No, I'm being recruited by the Marshall-Hillberg sperm bank; its donors include Olympic athletes and Nobel Prize winners. It's an elite gene pool." Elizabeth says, "And they want you?" Romano says, "Yeah, it's a little embarrassing, actually. But it's for a good cause. I mean, who knows what the mother's side is going to bring to the party, but as for my side of the genetic divide, I can guarantee a significant advantage over the rest of the spermic competition. Can't have too many extra Romanos running around, spicing up the gene pool, can we?" The last part he directs toward Benton, who looks down, presumably to avoid laughing in Romano's face. Romano struts off down the hall. Was that supposed to be a come-on to Elizabeth? If so, it was pitiful. If not, it was still pitiful.
Hawkeye is hiding out looking at some X-rays when Weaver comes in. They chat a bit about the films he's looking at, and she asks if he's still looking for his reading glasses. He says he is, and that he's thinking of picking up some cheap ones from a drugstore (presumably any one of the seven branches of Walgreens that are, no doubt, within spitting distance of the hospital). She hands him the pair of glasses from her pocket and asks if they're his. He snatches them out of her hand and asks where they were. When she tells him, he laughs and says, "The freezer? That's one place I didn't look." She regards him for a moment, and he turns back and says, "Thanks." She nods, smiling tightly.
Carol hands Cleo a chart and asks her to write her a prescription for Keflex, explaining, "I've got a sometime patient eight months pregnant. She hasn't had any pre-natal care, and she's got a bladder infection." Cleo asks if Carol wants her to look at the patient, and Carol says she's not in the hospital. Cleo looks at her quizzically, and Carol says, "Don't ask," and adds, "I thought I'd get her the prescription and hope that she fills it." Cleo hands the chart back and Carol thanks her. Hey, Carol? If you look up "lost cause" in the dictionary, there's a picture of Meg to it.
Mrs. Barry watches sadly as Barry continues to struggle for air. Carter tells her that it's probably heart failure, and not his lungs, that's making him sick. Gently, he adds, "I think that we need to accept that the time has come to let nature take its course." Mrs. Barry says that she doesn't know what to do: "Barry always made all the important decisions." Which is why there'll be no problem if anything, God forbid, ever happened to Glark; I'd pull the plug, and then go buy a Swiffer. (Just kidding, Glark -- not that he reads my recaps anyway, and not that I'm bitter about that.) Anyway, Carter asks Mrs. Barry if she knows what a Do Not Resuscitate order is, and she says that she does. Carter says, "I think you need to sign one for your husband. Will you do that for me?" She sobs a little, then decisively says, "Yes."
Weaver crutches into a schmancy-looking medical building and asks an extra in a lab coat where Dr. Spielman's office is. He directs her, and in the moment she's walking into it. Dr. Spielman -- who is played by the same actor who was, on Seinfeld, an editor at Random House who, first, wouldn't hire Elaine to replace Jackie Onassis, and then borrowed Mr. Pitt's tennis racquet and wouldn't return it after breaking her arm; she also played Jane's and Sydney's mom on Melrose Place, Sars informs me -- greets Weaver effusively and makes a gentle dig about Weaver's continuing to "sacrifice [her]self at the altar of the indigent down at County." Weaver hugs her and replies perfunctorily. Dr. Spielman's speaking voice is stilted in a very strange way, as if she's only speaking while inhaling, which she never did on Seinfeld; does anyone know if this actor has had something happen to her throat since then? Anyway, Kerry is all bidness, and when Dr. Spielman asks what brings Weaver there -- "Job hunting, I hope?" -- Weaver answers that it's Hawkeye. Dr. Spielman says nothing, and Weaver prompts her, "You let him go a couple of months ago?" Dr. Spielman says, "He left the staff, yes." Weaver says, "I heard it was politics -- a bit of a palace coup?" Dr. Spielman remarks drily, "With me cast as Iago, I suspect." Weaver says, "I was wondering if that's what really happened." Dr. Spielman says, "Gabe Lawrence was my closest friend, my mentor, my teacher, and the finest doctor I've ever had the privilege to work with. His leaving was the most trying experience of my career." Finally realizing that she is in some deep shit, Weaver blurts, "I hired him at County." Dr. Spielman quietly says, "I hadn't heard that." Weaver says, "Renee, I need to know -- should I be concerned about the safety of my patients with Dr. Lawrence on my staff?" Dr. Spielman doesn't answer, and looks away.
Immediately, we cut to Weaver back in the ER, anxiously asking Conni where Hawkeye is; Conni says he's in with Dr. Dave. Weaver asks what they're working on, and Conni says, "Stab wound to the chest." Weaver crutches a bit faster. When she gets to the trauma room, we hear Hawkeye's voice calling for a rib spreader. Weaver takes off her coat and an anonymous nurse gowns her. She offers to help, but Hawkeye says, "You know what they say about too many cooks." All the while the Ominous Music of Imminent Medical Malpractice pulses on the soundtrack. She watches while Hawkeye instructs Dr. Dave with apparent control and confidence. Without going into all the medical crap, Hawkeye does everything right, and Weaver looks relieved.
At the desk, the fishwife nurses are having a little gossip about Finch's possibly losing her job for leaving the Bunsen burner on. Lucy asks if you can get fired for that, and Yosh says, "Honey, if you can get fired for dress code violations, you can get fired for blowing up half a hospital." Benton comes in carrying Reese and asks, "Is anything open? I just need it for a few minutes." Malik tells Andrew to do Christopher Walken, and he does, pointing Benton to exam one. Benton is unimpressed, and leaves. So am I, and I wish I could.
In exam one, Benton closes the shades, sits Reese down on the bed, and makes with the test. Reese watches impassively as Benton swabs the inside of his mouth. He swabs Reese, who seems rather bored by the whole process. After putting the swab into its protective container, Benton says, "I'm sorry," and picks Reese up to hug and kiss him. Reese is cute and all, but he's no Carlos.
In the immortal words of Maggie: Anywhere But Here -- you'll wish you were.
Carol marches right on up to the drugstore where Meg works and is directed, by one of her co-workers, "out back," where Meg is taking her break. Upon entering the alley, Carol sees Meg conversing with a marginally shady-looking individual in -- gasp! -- a leather jacket. Meg is muttering, "I get paid today." The guy sidles off at Carol's approach, and Meg calls after him, "I'm off at 6:30." The guy says, "Maybe." Meg, who has a burning cigarette in her hand, asks Carol what she's doing there. Carol gives her the prescription and asks who the guy was. Meg says, "Ummm," and takes a drag off her cigarette. Carol whines, "Oh, Meg! You're pregnant!" WHAT?! She's pregnant?! I didn't know that! Wait, that's not what I meant to say. I meant to say, Carol, why don't you get your sanctimonious ass onto a stepladder so that you can get over yourself already?! ["Because it might hurt the baby?" -- Sars] Meg says, "No kidding," and, tossing the smoke into a puddle, adds, "I didn't ask to be." Carol says, "Oh, you weren't there when it happened?" Carol, she's NOT FOURTEEN. Meg says, "This is none of your business," and while I don't advocate the use of cigarettes or heroin by ANYONE, much less pregnant women, SHE IS RIGHT. Carol says, "Look, if you want to piss your life away, fine. But your kid deserves a chance." Meg says, "I think you're mixing me up with someone who gives a damn," and she's right again. Carol watches her go with a look that says, "How could anyone deny me my God-given right to meddle?" I would like to add that it has taken a lot of doing for me to be on the side of an irresponsible junkie over Carol -- a character I used to really like. But that's exactly what's happened.
Lucy tells Dr. Dave that if he doesn't confess to the Bunsen burner incident, Cleo will get fired. Dr. Dave insists that he turned it off. Whatever.
Carter asks Cleo to consult on the Husky Lad case. His blood sugar is 278. She asks if diabetes had been previously diagnosed, and he says he just got the test results back. She asks a series of rapid-fire questions: "Is he overweight? Crappy diet? Couch potato?" Carter says, "All of the above." Cleo mutters about sedentary kids eating junk food and playing videogames, and Carter asks how to treat the diabetes. She offers to speak to the family.
In the ambulance bay, Weaver fills Mark in on the Hawkeye situation: "I'd heard that Gabe had lost a power struggle with Renee Spielman over some junior staff tenure issues." Mark, rather judgmentally, says, "And you never checked when you hired him?" Weaver protests that she's known Hawkeye her entire career blah blah mentor blah blah reason I became an ER doc blah blah blah jumped at the chance to hire his fishcakes. Mark accuses her of jumping at the chance to impress him: "Student hires teacher." Weaver doesn't deny it, and adds that Dr. Spielman suspected signs of early Alzheimer's, but when she asked him to undergo neurological testing he blew up at her and quit, and Hawkeye and Dr. Spielman haven't spoken since. Mark says, "You have to fire him," and Weaver sort of moans, "No! She wasn't sure." Mark points to several symptoms: "His inability to cope with stress. Wandering around the halls because he can't remember where he's going." Weaver claims that he's always been "scattered," and Mark says that he could endanger patients. Weaver, on the verge of tears, says, "I don't know if I can do it! I mean, I love him as a father. I don't know if I could fire him." Mark turns and goes inside.
In the hall outside Husky Lad's room, Cleo is asking Husky Dad whether there's a history of diabetes in his family. Husky Dad says that his mother has it, and adds that he thought "this was something only old people get." Carter, trying to be Good Cop, says, "This type -- primarily, yes, but some kids are susceptible to it." Cleo says that they need to get Husky Lad into a diabetes clinic, and adds that there's a new drug that works well for kids, but is expensive. Husky Dad looks distressed at this news. Cleo asks if his health insurance covers prescriptions, and he says that he isn't insured "right now," and asks how expensive it is. Cleo says that it's $100 per month. Husky Dad takes a deep, anxious breath, and she goes on to say that Husky Lad will also need "constant monitoring and clinic visits." Husky Dad exclaims, "I can't afford that!" Cleo, continuing in her bravura turn as Bad Cop, says, "Look. Your son needs to lose weight, exercise, and control his diet. If he does all those things, he might not need the medication." Desperately, Husky Dad says that he's starting a new job "this week," but that the benefits won't take effect for three months: "Can this -- can it wait 'til then?" Cleo explains that the longer Husky Lad continues with elevated blood sugar, the more likely he is to develop complications.
Husky Dad asks, "This'll be a pre-existing condition, right? On my insurance? If you start treating him right now, then that's a pre-existing addition, and they won't cover him." Bad Cop, who knows where Husky Dad is going with this inquiry, says nothing. Good Cop says, "Oh, I don't know the specifics of your new plan, but it's possible." Husky Dad suggests that he start Husky Lad on a diet, and working out, and adds, "My mother's in an HMO -- she gets diabetes pills for free. He could take those for three months." Kate and I remark that there are many kinds of diabetes, and the odds that Husky Lad and his grandma have the same kind are slim, besides which an adult should know that you can't take someone else's medicine. Bad Cop insists that Husky Lad needs the support of a physician-supervised program, and that Husky Dad won't be able to change his lifestyle overnight, and furthermore that Husky Lad needs a nutritionist, an exercise specialist, and a diabetic educator. Husky Dad says, essentially, that he can't afford all that, and says, "It's only three months. I'll stay on him. We weren't even here, all right?" Bad Cop gets all up in his face and yells, "No, your son needs medical attention. This is a very serious disease. He could suffer kidney failure, heart disease, go blind." Good Cop tries to intervene, and Cleo says what I had just told Kate moments before (since my great-grandfather was diabetic and had to have both legs amputated below the knees): "There could be infections. He could lose his limbs." Good Cop asks if he can speak to Bad Cop alone for a minute. Husky Dad goes into Husky Lad's room and Carter says to Cleo, "I think you're making it worse." Cleo looks as disgusted as Kate and I feel, and says, "The man is seriously considering waiting three months to treat his son's diabetes." Carter says that if the insurance company won't cover Husky Lad, and Husky Dad can't afford the medication, what does Cleo think will happen to Husky Lad in three years? Cleo points out that if Husky Lad takes his grandmother's medication, he could drop his blood sugar, eat more, and gain more weight. Carter suggests that they start him on half a pill of his grandmother's medication, and instruct Husky Dad to put him on a diet and when the insurance kicks in, Husky Lad will get better care. Cleo angrily says, "You asked me to help because you don't know anything about type 2 diabetes in children. Sedentary kids don't change their lifestyles without professional supervision. Dad hasn't been able to get the kid off the sofa and away from the potato chips and pizza in the last twelve years -- what makes you think he's going to be able to do it now?" Lily darts in to tell Carter that Barry is in v-tach. Cleo says that if Carter lets Husky Lad walk out to accommodate Husky Dad's financial problems, he'll be endangering Husky Lad's life. Carter purses his lips. Dude, SHE'S RIGHT. (I know that was long, but in light of what comes in this storyline, I really wanted to get it all down, because it irritated me.)
It doesn't look good for poor Barry. Mrs. Barry asks what it is, and Carter explains that it's an irregular heart rhythm. Mrs. Barry asks how much longer, and Carter says, "A few minutes." Mrs. Barry cries, and repeats, "A few minutes."
Mark stands beside a patient on crutches and, when Hawkeye comes out of an exam room, calls him over. Mark says that Hawkeye told her to wait in chairs for a prescription over four hours ago. Hawkeye apologizes somewhat shakily, and says that he got tied up with other patients. He gives her a prescription and tells her to elevate her ankle and ice it three times a day. Weaver appears as he's handing the patient the prescription and asks to see him in the lounge. Mark says, "Thanks, Brenda." She replies, "That's it?" and hands him the crutches. As she sits down to remove the bandage from her ankle, Hawkeye whips around and starts yelling, "What's going on here? What is this?" Mark says that Brenda works up in accounting, she doesn't have an ankle injury, and Hawkeye's never seen her before. Hawkeye yells, "You tricked me?" Weaver quietly asks that they "not do this out here." Hawkeye defensively goes on to say that it's been very busy today, and he's seen several ankle injuries, and he got them confused. Weaver says, even more quietly, "I went to see Renee Spielman." Hawkeye looks horrified, and stomps out of the ER. Weaver calls his name a few times, to no avail.
Barry has flatlined, with Mrs. Barry holding his hand. Carter and Lily look sad. Mrs. Barry asks if Barry has gone. Carter says that he has. She cries a little bit more, then wipes her cheeks. She kisses her fingers and touches Barry's face, saying, "Barry, you're so sweet. Yes, you are. I'll miss you." Aw! Collecting herself, she says she needs to call her son, and asks where the nearest phone is. Lily says she'll show her. She pauses across from Carter and says, "Thank you, Doctor."
In a police car, Reggie "D'Shawn" Moore asks Carol if she's sure she wants to go through with this, since "jail isn't exactly the best place on the planet to have a baby." Carol sniffs, "At least she won't be high." As Sars has been saying all along, if she's been shooting up for eight months, the DAMAGE is DONE. The shady guy walks up to the back door of the drugstore; Carol says, "There he is," and D'Shawn calls it in on the radio. They wait a moment and Meg comes out of the store. They both glance around nervously and after a moment the guy hands Meg something that we are, of course, too far away to see. Also, Carol should be more concerned that Meg and her apparent dealer have cataracts, since they didn't spot the seven police cars that swoop onto the scene the second. A cop gets the dealer up against the wall, and another couple of cops pin Meg. As they drag her toward one of the cars, she spots Carol and spits, "You bitch. How could you do this to me. You don't have anything to say to me? How could you do this to me?" Meg cries in the back of the car and glares at Carol, who gazes back with all the composure of the Madonna, and slowly looks away. I think it's probably against several regulations for Carol to be there at the bust, and I hope that Meg's lawyer knows about that and is able to get Meg's eventual arrest thrown out on that basis.
Behind the desk, Weaver asks Lucy if Hawkeye has come back yet; Lucy says no. Dr. Dave awkwardly confesses to Weaver that he may have left the Bunsen burner on. Weaver tells him that the fire investigator blamed the explosion on the gas line, since there was a ruptured pipe in the wall. Dr. Dave, with much relief, says, "Then I guess it wasn't me," and starts to leave. Weaver tells him that safety is their "number one priority" and that it's not acceptable for him to think that he left on a potentially dangerous lab tool. Dr. Dave says, "Yes, ma'am." Lucy gives him a "You burn" look. Weaver leaves a message on Hawkeye's answering machine.
Husky Dad walks into a trauma room where Carter is working on some paperwork spread out on the bed. Husky Dad comes in holding Husky Lad's chart, and asks if Carter wrote on it that Husky Lad has diabetes. Carter nods. Husky Dad asks Carter to tear it up. Carter says that's illegal. Husky Dad says that he's not a fool, that he loves his son and wouldn't do anything to hurt him, but that they're "just getting back on [their] feet." He says that he doesn't have the kind of money that Bad Cop was talking about, and that he'll have his new insurance in three months, "and it's good." He promises that he'll get Husky Lad on a diet, and exercising, and that he'll get his mother's pills and blood-testing kits. He further promises that if Husky Lad doesn't improve, he'll bring him back. Finally, he begs, "If there's a chance to do this any other way, please help us." Carter regards him silently. Carter, you are going to do this. And for that, you suck.
Mark fusses with some charts that got soaked by the sprinklers after the explosion. Carol says she did something and she's not sure it was the right thing to do. That's funny, because I'm sure it wasn't. What's your email address? I'm not shy about telling you so. Mark says that he is in the same position. She asks what he did, and he tells her about tricking Hawkeye. She tells him what she did to Meg. Mark asks if she wants to talk about it. Carol says she can't, because "the girls" are throwing her a surprise baby shower. Mark says he thought that was supposed to be a surprise. Carol says, "I'll look surprised," and after a beat says, "I miss Doug." Mark asks if she's called him, and she shakes her head. He asks if Doug's called her, and Carol says that he leaves messages on her machine, and that she thinks he calls when he knows she won't be there, so that she doesn't have to talk to him if she doesn't want to. Mark says, "You don't want to?" She says she doesn't know if there's anything left to say. Given the way Doug took care of Charlie the Homeless Teen, I bet he'd have a few words to tell you about your care of Meg. But whatever.
Carter surreptitiously removes, and discards, the top page of Husky Lad's chart, and then makes a bunch of noise about having lost that page. He tells Randi that Husky Lad can go home, since he only has a case of the stomach flu, and "we need the bed." Carter, I hope that kid goes blind and Husky Dad sues your ass. I really do. Maybe I don't have the appropriate perspective on this since I live in a country where medicine is socialized, and additional coverage is very affordable, but for a doctor to bow to financial pressures over his patient's well-being is, to me, pretty reprehensible, and Carter should know better. (Don't anyone trip on my soapbox on your way out, or anything.) ["Having had to hide my own heart murmur - not a threatening condition, by the way - from my insurers for well over a year, because it would double my premium (did I mention that it doesn't affect my health?), until I could get on the union plan and let one of their doctors 'find' it during a physical, I can see Husky Dad's point of view. I don't defend Carter's actions, or Husky Dad's, because HD should have sucked it up for his kid even if he would have let himself go for three months. But the health-care bureaucracy in this country forces people to make shitty decisions like this and it doesn't always let us do the right thing. Whew, good thing Wing left that soapbox here." -- Sars]
A glowing and altogether quite lovely Jeanie strides into the ER looking for Weaver. In the hall, she passes Chuny, who asks how Carlos is doing and invites her to Carol's shower. Jeanie says she'll try to stop by. She finds Weaver beside a homeless person who apparently "fell on his face again," and says that Malik told her it was important that she come in. Weaver says that she checked Jeanie's time cards and noticed that Jeanie had only worked two days in the last three weeks. She adds that they depend on her, and that when she calls in at the last minute, it makes it hard on everybody else. Jeanie says, gently, "I'm not coming back. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it tough on everybody; I didn't intend to. I should have come to talk to you earlier." Weaver asks if everything's all right, and with a surprised tone, Jeanie says, "I've never been happier! I have Reggie, and the baby, and every time I'm at work I want to be home with them." Weaver says, sincerely, "That's great." Jeanie offers to work a few shifts until Weaver can find someone to replace her, and Weaver says, "No, no, no. But as the baby gets older, and doesn't need you so much, call me; there will always be a job for you here." Weaver says, "I'm gonna miss you," and Jeanie, tearing up, says, "I'm gonna miss you too!" and they hug. I'm gonna miss her too. Gloria Reuben is so beautiful when she smiles. It's a pity that Jeanie never had much to smile about, which, I guess, is why Gloria Reuben quit the show. You couldn't have taken some screen time away from St. Carol and given it to Jeanie? You writers suck.
Benton drops Reese off at Carla's. Carla's hair still looks like hell, by the way. Oddly, Lisa Nicole Carson's breasts look a lot smaller in fake Chicago than they do in fake Boston. Carla hands Reese off to Roger. Benton holds up the manila envelope in his hand and tells her that he got a paternity test. Coldly, Carla says, "And?" Benton says, "And I'm not going to use it. I'm going to throw it away." Even more coldly, she says, "Why?" Benton says, "Carla, I put my hand on your stomach when you were pregnant, and I felt him move. I was there when he was born, and all those nights in the NICU. I wake up in the morning -- that little boy is the first thing on my mind. I go to sleep at night -- he's the last. I love him. He's my son. I don't care about biology. I don't need some damn DNA kit to tell me that. I don't have a whole lot in my life, Carla. My career [dismissive "psssht" sound]. Jackie and her kids. And that boy. He means more to me than all the rest of them combined. I'd lay down in front of a train for him -- that's how I love him. So I'm asking. I'm -- I'm asking, please, don't, don't take my son away from me. Please." Carla looks moved by this speech. Eriq LaSalle did a great job with it.
Conni uses the pretext of "something about overtime" to get Carol to the desk, where the female staffers all yell "Surprise!" and Carol pretends to be surprised. Malik calls Weaver away to tell her that Hawkeye's in trauma two.
Weaver goes into trauma two and asks Hawkeye where he's been. He says that he's been walking by the lake. She says she was worried about him. He quotes from a poem including the line, "I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief." He asks, "How can I remember a William Blake poem I memorized thirty years ago, and not remember that I saw a woman with a sprained ankle this afternoon?" Weaver looks very sad indeed. Hawkeye says, "I started to notice something was wrong about a year ago. You know, memory loss, and not being able to find the right word. I went to Boston to see an old classmate of mine. A neurologist. He did a PET scan and it showed bilateral hypoperfusion to the parietal areas. He started me on Aricept. It's supposed to put the brakes on the Alzheimer's, but I guess it didn't help enough." Weaver chokes back her tears enough to say, "Roz Chow is doing great work upstairs at the comprehensive dementia centre. You should go see her." I hope it doesn't say "Comprehensive Dementia Centre" on the door, because that might turn a lot of potential patients away.
Hawkeye bitterly says, "What for? I have a progressive neurologic disorder." Weaver insists, "They're working with neurotropins, and antioxidants. Maybe you could get into a clinical trial." Hawkeye says, "I was thinking of committing suicide." Weaver looks desperate, and Hawkeye chuckles and says, "I can't figure out the best time to do it -- too early and I'll miss what little life I have left. I wait too long and I won't remember to do it." Weaver sobs and says, "Please don't say that." Hawkeye says, "God, I'm going to miss this. Medicine has been my whole life." Weaver says, "No, no! You could stay on. You could lecture the medical students, and the residents." Hawkeye looks disgusted at the suggestion: "But not see patients, right?" Weaver says, "Gabe, you are a brilliant doctor, and you are a wonderful teacher. Please, please don't give up those gifts." Hawkeye says, "I saw a woman this morning. Dementia. She had no idea where she was. She didn't know who she was. Ten years, that'll be me. Bedridden, in diapers, locked away in some home, nobody coming to see me." Weaver says, "I'll come and see you." Dude...not really the point. Hawkeye says, "Yeah, but I won't know you're there." Weaver sobs again.
Jeanie cleans out her locker, ending with the photos from her wedding, and a shot of the adorable Carlos. She gazes at these happily, then closes the door and peels her name off the locker door. In the hall, she watches the baby shower festivities for a moment, then turns, with a smile, and walks out. I know this was something Gloria Reuben expressly asked of the producers -- that they allow her character to leave the show with some dignity, and with joy -- and I'm happy that they obliged. Jeanie, we hardly knew ye.