Last Rites

S06E02

After that understated expression of grief, the seizure-inducing ER opening credits are exceptionally unwelcome.

A goth kid is bleeding impressively in the lower facial area (it's not clear just then whether the blood is coming from his nose, mouth, or chin), and a guy in a navy blue t-shirt is working on him. T-shirt asks Goth if he got "a good look at the bastards." Goth says skaters all look the same. Lucy "Fright" Knight approaches with some X-rays and calls to Dr. Malucci (who tells her, "It's 'Dr. Dave' to you, Lucy,") to look at them, pointing out that there's no new fractures. Dr. Dave observes to Goth that Goth has banged up his chin before. Goth says that the skaters don't like the way he dresses, and that the last time, they banged his head in a car door. Lucy asks why Goth's principal hasn't intervened. With withering sarcasm, Goth asks Lucy where she went to high school. Dr. Dave says he'll return when Goth's face is numb, and he and Lucy move off to see to another patient. As they walk off, Carter appears, and leans in close to Goth's face, and says, "Ooh!" He catches up to Lucy and Dr. Dave and recommends "plastics" on that lip. Lucy asks Dr. Dave about the patient's oxygen level, and Dr. Dave makes a not-especially-funny joke about the patient turning purple, and Carter tells her what to do as she hurries off, chuckling. Just then, Dr. Cleo "Patra Jones" Finch comes in wearing her running outfit and holding her pager. Dr. Dave addresses her as "Jackie Joyner" and tells her she's looking good; she more or less tells him to get bent. Carter laughs at him as Dr. Dave insists Dr. Finch wants him. Yeah, she wants you...to shut up. As do I. Carter observes that an earlier patient of Dr. Dave's -- whom I'll kindly describe as an alcoholic who's between living situations...and baths -- has returned. He is in a wheelchair pushed by Yosh "I used to be interesting" Takata (and flanked by Reggie "D'Shawn" Moore and Jeanie "Five Shows and Counting" Boulet, who calls the patient "Vodka Joe"), and is shooting off lines from "The Gambler," which I always, always think is funny. Jeanie tells Dr. Dave she'll take him, and Dr. Dave books. Vodka Joe asks Jeanie if she wants to "meet up with a gambler" (heh), and Reggie says, "Watch it, cowboy -- that's my fiancée." Jeanie says, "Reggie..." in a cautionary voice, and Yosh asks if they're engaged. Reggies says, "Pretty much," as Jeanie simultaneously says, "Not exactly."

By Wing Chun

Carol converses with Luka without looking at him, in order to convey her superiority. Yuck. She asks if it isn't a sin to fake a sacrament (in this case, I assume it's last rites, although I don't know what that sounds like in English, much less in Latin). He says it was a blessing, and that anyone can give a blessing. She says, "Not posing as a priest." Well, report him to the Vatican, why don't you. Use your hotline to the Pontiff, Your Holiness. Or, shut up. He says that Vanessa's faith was what's important. Carol asks how he knew what to say. He says he faked it, with a little bit of Latin, and a little bit of Croatian. She says he faked it well. Then she says, "Ooh," and he asks if she's all right, and she says the twins are just active, moving around down there. He says, "May I?" She gives him this weird look, and then pulls her arms away as if to say, "Have at it, my good man." From this I suppose we are to deduce that unlike the nosy old lady in the café in the season premiere, she now regards Luka as a friend who has full womb privileges. Well, maybe not full. Yet.

Carter and Elaine go at it in semi-shadow. Yecch. They stare at each other while breathing kind of heavily, and she smooths his hair off his face and then stops, and holds completely still. He says, "What?" She sits up very slowly (still straddling him. I'm just saying), and says, "You know." Well, of course he does, and you obviously wanted him to, or you would have gone to another (to say nothing of "a better") hospital; I hear there's a few in the greater Chicago area. He says nothing. She crosses her arms over the breasts we can totally see, semi-shadow or no, which is pretty risqué for TV. He says, "Yes." She stares at him, looking (I assume) distressed (but I can't really tell because of the light). She gets up and puts on her robe, and walks to the door to tell Carter he should "just leave now." He says, "Elaine..." but she flicks her head and stalks out, slamming the door behind her.

Benton walks up the stairs to the El. Carla hurries down the street behind him, calling his name, and when he turns, she asks if he hired a private investigator. He plays dumb. Carla says some guy talked to someone named "Dafina," and asked her if Carla had ever done drugs. Benton says the only person he hired was his lawyer. Carla asks if the lawyer sent someone around to check into her background, and Benton firmly says, "No," and then admits, "I don't know." Mournfully, Carla asks why Benton is "doing this." Benton sort of scoffs and says, "Why am I doing this?" Carla mentions the restraining orders and the lawyers, and Benton angrily replies, "Carla, I only have one son! Roger can get another damn job." Carla says this is a great opportunity for them. Benton asks if she ever thinks about Reese: "You want to take him away from his father?" Carla spits, "You may not even be his father."

By Wing Chun

WHAT? First of all, that is not the kind of thing you shout at someone on the street, unless you have no class, and until this season, Carla had some. Second, if that's true, then she really had no call to get all shirty with Peter when he initially asked her whether there was even a chance that he might not be Reese's father, besides which, she has gotten pretty far using Benton by keeping him under this delusion, so that, to all intents and purposes (as far as I'm concerned), he might as well be his father, even if biology doesn't bear it out; it's not like the biological guy has been sneaking in visits on the side, unless Roger is the biological father, in which case this whole custody battle would have never gotten as far as it has. And if it isn't true, this is a pretty shitty gambit for her to pull out of desperation. Either way, this really doesn't make Carla look too good, and while she was never set up as a saint, she was never...um...evil before, and I'm really flummoxed as to why the producers would resort to this plotline just to make Benton look good -- and sympathetic -- by comparison.

Anyway, Carla drops this bombshell, and Benton says, "What?!" Carla seems to realize she screwed up royally, because she starts talking fast: "He may not be yours. There was somebody else. It was just casual. And then there was you." When Benton doesn't respond to any of this, her tone completely changes from contrite fallen woman to shrieking, defensive harpy: "I did it for Reese. He needed a father and Roger can be that." Benton finally breaks the spell, sticks his finger in her face, and growls, "Reese is my son, Carla!" She looks taken aback at the vehemence of his reaction. He picks up his bag and quietly says, again, "Reese is my son." I'm convinced.