Props to Heathen, for rocking the hizzouse, and to Sars, my new neighbour.
A long, long time ago on ER: Mark went to Doug's apartment and was surprised to find Carter's sort-of girlfriend Harper Tracy there, and Mark was all disgusted because Harper was only a medical student, so for Doug to sleep with her was unethical as well as sleazy; Harper told Carter that she and Doug did it; Carter confronted Doug about it, and Doug told Carter that, if Carter were smart, he would give Harper another chance; Jeanie introduced herself to Randi as a new physician's assistant in the ER; Jeanie asked Benton whether they could be civil; while Carol eavesdropped, Doug's boss told him his contract (or whatever) would not be renewed; Mark told Morgenstern that Doug was a good doctor, and Morgenstern argued that he's a loose cannon; Doug told Carol he'd been at County a few years, and that it was the longest commitment he'd ever made to anything, or anybody, at which he chuckled and she sort of tried to smile but didn't quite make it.
A really cloying rendition of "Three Blind Mice" (as opposed to all the totally rocking versions of the same tune recorded by the likes of Duke Ellington and Elvis Costello...okay, fine, not) tootles as we fade up from the title card to a shot, through an aquarium full of tropical fish, to the kid on the other side. We pan over a waiting room of sick kids -- the camera at the level of their faces -- so that when there's a dude sitting in the midst of them, all we can see is his torso, with his arms resting on his knees and his hands folded in front of him. The camera pans past the dude to the unfortunately beret-clad moppet on his right, who asks, "Where's your little girl?" The camera pans to the dude's face, and we see it's Doug "Lake Michigan's 11" Ross. He tells her he doesn't have a little girl. Moppet asks after his little boy, and Doug impatiently tells her, "I'm all by myself." Moppet asks whether he's sick, and Doug says he isn't. We cut to a shot of Doug, sitting on a teeny little child-sized chair, sandwiched between Moppet and another little ragamuffin in saddle shoes. Moppet asks why Doug's there, and Doug sighs loudly and sneers at her wolfishly and exposits that he's there "for a job." Moppet disgustedly asks, "You don't have a job?" Doug points to the tank and snaps, "Do you see those pretty fish over there?" Moppet asks him whether he lost his job, and before he can answer, Ragamuffin pipes up, "My daddy lost his job!" Doug faintly chuckles and looks at the floor. Moppet -- who clearly has a future in investigative journalism -- asks whether he got a new job, and Doug curtly replies, "Yes, I did -- giving big shots to little girls." Ragamuffin's face crumples and she starts sobbing at a deafeningly high pitch. As Moppet gets up and runs off, Doug gazes at the ceiling and smugly repeats, "Biiiiiiiiiiiig shots." Heh.
County. Conni gives Mark "Exxon Baldez" Greene a chart for a Mrs. Riblet, who's "weak and dizzy all over." Mark makes some throwaway comment about how boring this case is going to be; then as he pauses in front of Mrs. Riblet's door and asks Conni, "Do you smell something?" She says she does. Mark pushes open the door to find the room totally full of smoke, with a little old lady sitting on the bed, puffing away on a joint. Of the pot! But grandma, that's a gateway drug! thing you know, you'll be saying you're shooting heroin in your eye to cure your phlebitis! Mark tells her that smoking isn't permitted in the hospital, but she explains, "This is my glaucoma medicine. My grandson grows it." She offers Mark a toke, but he politely declines, and Conni stubs it out in an emesis basin. Mark picks up Mrs. Riblet's baggie of spliffs and suggests that she put it away, so they don't get busted. Conni mutters, "Smells like primo stuff." Hee! "Yeah?" Mark asks, because he's a square and doesn't know, and Conni sighs, "God, I miss the '60s."
At the desk, Jerry dials up on what Harper "Emily Valentine" Tracy surmises is a new computer. Jerry brags that it has a CD-ROM. Aw. A CD-ROM. And dial-up. Wait, I guess some of y'all have dial-up, too. Which is sad. Jerry tells Harper that he's connecting them to Mt. Sinai, so they can pool their resources. The modem starts its distinctive whine and screech as John "Like a Surgeon" Carter rolls up behind Jerry, trailed by "I Dream of" Jeanie Boulet. Carter's evidently in the midst of a lecture, as he warns, "Dr. Benton goes nuts if you're late, or if you don't answer a page on the first beep. He's also got a pretty bad temper." Jeanie gives away nothing as she replies, "I'll have to remember that." Carter continues, "And never, ever, ever --" At this point, Peter "Private" Benton walks in behind them, so Carter lowers his voice to conclude, "...contradict him in front of an attending." Jeanie moves off, and Carter asks, "Who made brownies?" Jerry says Wendy Goldman made them. Damn, I was hoping Mrs. Riblet had brought them in, fortified with extra glaucoma medicine. Carter takes one; as he's biting into it, he sees Harper on the other side of Jerry and quietly says, "Hi." She looks surprised, and says "hi" back. Before they can mend the tattered remains of their relationship, Jerry curses himself and tells Harper that he thinks he deleted Radiology. She asks whether he backed it up; Jerry looks blank and asks, "Was I supposed to?" Okay, ha ha, but I find it difficult to believe that (a) Jerry wouldn't know his way around a computer by then; (b) that he would be in a position to delete Radiology from the entire hospital system; and (c) I am a nerd. Harper suggests that he try hitting Alt-Q. Wendy comes around the corner and says there's a ten-year-old female hit-and-run victim coming in. Benton distractedly asks, "Where's Ross?" Jerry says he's at a job interview, so Benton springs into action.
Paramedics wheel in the victim and give the bullet: no witnesses, found unconscious, multiple facial lacerations, possible fracture to right lower extremity. Benton calls for someone to get Radiology down there. Conni asks her name, and Harper says her lunchbox reads, "Molly Phillips." They arrive at the trauma room. Benton calls for someone to call her parents. They get her on the bed as Benton exhorts them, "Let's learn something!" He asks Carter how to check for a spinal-cord injury on an unconscious patient. Carter says you look for an absence of deep-tendon reflexes. "Do it!" Benton says by way of confirmation. When she's unconscious and her face is covered in blood, that kid looks a lot older than ten. Benton calls out to Harper -- who's hanging back, clutching Molly's lunchbox -- what film they want first. "Chest?" Harper replies, but she doesn't sound very confident. Carter moves to Molly's foot and removes her right sock as he calls out, "I'd do a cross-table lateral to rule out a C-spine fracture." Carter then confirms that Molly's reflexes are present. Benton calls, "Harper, let's talk head trauma. What study should we do?" Harper hesitates, "Um..." Benton goads, "Come on, Harper! Pay attention!" Conni says Molly's pressure's falling. Benton asks, "What do you hear?" She doesn't hear anything, because she's several feet away from Molly, but put on the spot, she tentatively leans in toward Molly's torso with her stethoscope and stammers, "Diminished breath sounds on the right?" Benton snaps, "Is that a question or a statement?" Word. Carter clips, "I appreciate air movement bilaterally -- no pneumo." Benton corrects him: "No, Carter, that's upper airway sounds." Harper, more confident, adds, "I see a tracheal shift on the left." "So do I," Benton says encouragingly. Carter's face falls. "Tension pneumo," Harper concludes. Benton congratulates her: "Good call, Harper. I'll teach you how to do a needle decompression." Carter bitterly presses his lips together and tries not to cry out loud. Adding insult to injury, Benton dismisses Carter to "run the blood up to the lab." Carter stomps out to make a new entry in his courage journal.
Back at the clinic, a short bald dude is telling Doug that their urgent-care facility could use some work, and that most of the emergencies they get are on the order of sprained ankles and concussions. He adds that most of what Doug would be working on is ear infections. He concludes by blah-ing about private practice and PPO contracts and HMOs and insurance yada continuity commitment whatever, and would Doug like a job? Doug would.
After the credits, Molly is stable. Benton, Carter, and Jeanie inspect her x-rays while Morgenstern sticks his nose in, opining that it's a "nasty break" and asking whether any of them wants to "take a crack at reading it." Carter nods and opens his mouth, but Jeanie beats him, smoothly saying everything exactly right. Morgenstern gives her props. Jeanie asks Benton, "Were knee and ankle films ordered?" Not meeting her eye, Benton mutters, "I don't think so." Carter's like, "Ix-nay!" Jeanie refuses to back down, pointing out, "With tibial-shaft fractures, knee and ankle films are necessary to rule out injuries from transmitted forces." Benton works his jaw. Morgenstern agrees, "She's right as rain, Peter. Order the films." Benton poutily stares straight ahead. Morgenstern calls Jeanie to join him and look at some particularly interesting films; she watches Benton for a few seconds, but when he continues studiously avoiding her, she gives up and books. Once she's gone, Carter leans into the spot she'd just vacated, and makes with the smirking and the gloating. Benton does his best to ignore him, too.
Mark's at the desk when Doug rolls in. Mark asks how the interview went, and Doug laconically replies, "Great." Mark asks, "What'd they say?" "They said I was great," says Doug -- a line George Clooney is probably still in the habit of delivering. Carol "Peachy Queen" Hathaway appears in the hall and asks Doug whether he got the job. Doug drawls, "Ninety grand a year and nobody dies. Alleluia, auf Wiedersehen, see ya 'round." He heads into the lounge. Carol and Mark exchange a look, and then Carol blinks and follows Doug to the lounge...
...where Doug is leaning his forehead against the side of his open locker door, and staring at the floor. When Carol enters, he straightens up with a sigh, but stares into his locker instead of looking at her. She asks whether he's okay, and he diffidently replies, "Sure." She asks, "This what you really want?" By way of answer, Doug asks, "Do I have a choice?" He slams his locker door and stomps out. Carol stands there alone, making a "whatever" face.
Molly's trauma room. She's waking up. Harper is sitting at her bedside, and gently says, "Molly? Do you know where you are?" Molly is still intubated, so she can't speak and shakes her head no. Harper tells her she's in a hospital, and that she was hit by a car. Molly's eyes go wide as they flick around the ceiling, and then she glances back toward Harper, whose hands are clasped at her chin. Molly reaches out for Harper's hand and tentatively touches one of her rings. Harper chuckles, "You like my ring?" Molly nods. Harper sighs, and says she knows Molly's scared, but that Harper will stay with her, and that Molly's parents will be there soon. At this point, Benton and Carter turn their attention back to Molly; Benton announces that it's time to extubate her. Everyone gloves up. Harper explains to Molly that they're going to take the tube out of her mouth. Carter tells Molly to pretend that she's blowing out the candles on her birthday cake; he tells her to take another deep breath and then, when he says go, to blow as hard as she can. He says "go," she blows, the tube comes out, she coughs, Harper cheers for her, blah. Benton instructs Carter and Harper to send Molly for a head CT, and leaves. Molly, her voice hoarse from the tube, whispers, "What's your name?" Harper doesn't hear, so Molly has to repeat the question. Harper tells Molly her name, and Carter's. Carter tentatively smiles at Harper, but Harper looks grim. I don't know. Carter looks away and beams down at Molly to make up for the dis.
Mark examines Mrs. Riblet's eyes. He tells her they're fine, and asks whether she's sure she has glaucoma. Mrs. Riblet quavers, "My medicine must be working." Mark asks how long she's been lightheaded, and she explains, "I wouldn't have called it 'lightheaded.' It's more like I float." Mark asks how long she's been floating, and she says it's been "about two weeks." Mark asks how long she's been smoking pot, and she replies, "About two weeks." Mark nods sagely.
Doug's tight-assed girlfriend Linda struts up to Jerry at the desk, carrying an outfit on a hanger covered in a dry cleaner's bag. She asks Jerry whether he's having trouble, and he tells her he lost Radiology. "That's bad," she surmises, and asks whether he has a file recovery disk. From the other side of the desk, Wendy pointedly replies, "NO." Linda offers to "have a go at it," and Jerry takes the costume from her. Linda quickly diagnoses that everything looks intact, but for a few bad clusters. Just then, Mark appears, pushing Mrs. Riblet in a wheelchair. He wrestles the baggie of joints out of her hand and gives it to Jerry, asking him to keep an eye on her "valuables" while she gets a CT. Before Mark wheels her off, Mrs. Riblet generously squeaks, "Help yourself, honey!" Jerry looks nonplussed. Doug shows up and pleasantly asks Linda what she's doing there. By way of answer, she asks, "Mozart ring a bell?" Evidently it doesn't, because she adds, "Fantasy of the Opera? The Magic Flute? You said you'd go!" Doug deploys the patented Clooney "look down, smirk, and speak," asking, "That's tonight?" Linda says the tickets cost her company $300, and hands him the costume -- an incredibly gay-looking pink 18th-century affair, complete with a white wig dangling from the hook. He tells her he'll wear a tux, but she tells him he can't, and then orders him to pick her up at 7 PM, pecks him on the cheek, tells him she's going as Carmen, and takes off. Doug remains, staring quizzically at the costume. Jerry takes one of the joints out of the baggie and hands it to Doug, commenting, "I think you're going to need this."
Jeanie looks at an x-ray and makes a note. Benton bitterly enters, slams down a file, and accusatorily jargons a bunch of stuff, too quickly for me to get it down with anything resembling accuracy. The gist seems to be that the patient in question has been admitted a bunch of times for (apparently) a mystery ailment manifesting the same symptoms. He wants Jeanie to order all the patient's charts and write a summary of all her discharge notes, because he's petty. Jeanie gives a "damn, he's petty" look to the light box as Benton stomps out.
Desk. Carol's squinting at the screen and moving the mouse around. Mark rolls up and asks (rather pointlessly, but...it is Mark) whether the computer's fixed. Carol tells him Linda did it, and then comments that he smells "like dope." He says he was with a patient, and asks whether the computer is "hooked up to Mt. Sinai." Carol says it is, and that she's "beating the crap out of them." Wah wah. She's playing Doom II! He watches over her shoulder for a minute, and comments that he's done "thoracotomies that were less bloody." He takes off as Jerry enters, and grins that Mark just doesn't understand the "educational value" of the game. Carol ignores him, growling at the screen, "Die, bastard, die! Come on!" The bastard dies.
A man and a woman (obviously Molly's parents) enter Molly's room and flank her bed. Mr. Molly asks how she's doing. She says she's fine, and delightedly exclaims, "I knew you'd come!" in a tone that makes it clear she wasn't so sure they'd come. Both parents lean in and plant kisses on Molly's forehead. Molly says she wants to go home, and Benton pipes up to inform her parents that she'll be in the hospital for at least several days. Having dropped this bomb on the family, he takes off. Mr. Molly pets Molly's hair. Molly squeaks, "Will both of you stay with me?" Mrs. Molly coos, "Of course we will, sweetheart!" "And Daddy? You'll come back to live with us?" Molly wheedles. Mr. and Mrs. Molly exchange a look across the bed. Mr. Molly's all, "Well...." and Mrs. Molly tells her daughter they'll talk about that later. Mr. Molly mutters, "How could you let her ride her bike in the rain?" As Mrs. Molly straightens up into a fighting stance, Harper hooks her hand into the crook of Mr. Molly's elbow and physically pulls him away from the bed. Mrs. Molly hisses, "Don't blame me for this." Mr. Molly, not looking at Mrs. Molly, continues, "Who else let her do it?" Mrs. Molly defensively spits, "I do the best I can!" Molly's gigantic eyes flick sadly between her bickering parents until Mr. and Mrs. Molly are standing practically chest to chest at the end of the bed, Mrs. Molly snapping, "Maybe if you spent more time with her, and less time at the office with Sarah --" Harper gets between them and interrupts, "The plastic surgeon will be here soon. If either of you have [sic] a photo of Molly, it would help him repair the laceration on her cheek." Both parents dig into their wallets, anxious to be more helpful than the other, as Harper exhales nervously. They each produce a snapshot and hold them side by side. "Same picture," Mr. Molly observes. Mrs. Molly adds, "Lake Geneva. Great vacation." Harper gently says she only needs one, and takes Mrs. Molly's. Both parents resume their positions on either side of Molly's bed, and Carter congratulates Harper on "handl[ing] that very well." Harper ruefully explains that she had practice, in her own family.
It's still raining out. Doug drives down the road in his tuxedo, sans tie, looking hot. He reaches forward to turn up his radio (some "classic" rock song I don't recognize and don't care to look up), and as he's settling back in the seat, his tire blows out. He makes a few inarticulate noises of irritation, and pulls over to the curb. His car, by the way, is a bright blue coupe of some kind that really communicates to me that Doug must have a really huge penis. Doug steps out of the car, holding his lab coat over his head as a makeshift umbrella, and walks around to check his front passenger-side tire; it's flat. He gets back into the car, whips off the lab coat, grunts with impotent rage, and punches the steering wheel a few times. Then he sighs, slightly calmer. He doesn't have a cell phone with which to call Triple A? Or to call Linda, who most assuredly has a cell phone? My mother had a cell phone in 1994, and she's not even a doctor. Whatever. He glances toward his lab coat on the passenger seat, reaches into the breast pocket, and pulls out the joint Jerry'd slipped him earlier. He studies it for a few seconds, considering. He sets it down on the flat surface beside his gearshift. He stares at it a few more seconds. Then, like a zombie, he pushes in the dashboard cigarette lighter. After a beat, it pops out; Doug matter-of-factly takes it and is in the process of blazing up the doobie when he's startled by the sound of knocking on the driver's-side window, accompanied by a kid's voice screaming for help. Doug spits the joint into the back seat and whirls around to roll down the window. The kid continues to scream. Doug asks why, and the kid says, "My brother needs help!" Doug, flustered, yells, "Why? Why? What are you saying?" "Hurry! He's going to drown!" the kid screams. Without rolling the window back up or even turning off the car, Doug springs out of the car and takes off running, following the kid into a park across the street.
In the park, the kid leads Doug into a rain-swollen pond, explaining that he and his brother were playing in the tunnel, and that his brother got stuck. As they get closer to the "tunnel" in question, we can see it's a big, above-ground storm drain, with water gushing out of it good and fast. There's a little ledge in front of the drain pipe (which looks to be about four feet or so in diameter); Doug climbs up on the ledge and pulls the kid up by the arm. We can't quite hear the trapped kid over the sound of the rushing water, but Doug (I gather) can, because he calls, "Hang on, I'm coming in!" He bends double to enter the drain, the kid behind him.
So here's the scene inside the pipe. It's about a ten-foot distance from the end of the pipe (where Doug and the kid entered) to another hole, enclosed by vertical metal bars about five or six inches apart. There is also finer wire over the bars -- sort of like chicken wire, but not hexagonal in shape. There's also another hole at the top of the pipe, so that light is shining from above onto the kid's brother, who is trapped on the wrong side of the bars, with his foot sticking out through the bars. He's in a seated position; water is pooling around him up to what appears to be his ribcage, because the bottom of the pipe is clogged with leaves and twigs and stuff. Water is pouring down behind him, and also drizzling down from the opening above. Doug asks the brother whether he's okay; the brother says his leg is stuck. Doug tells him to hang on, and promises to get him out. Doug asks the brother's name; it's Ben. First, Doug tests how secure the grate is; he can't budge it. Then he tries to dislodge some of the larger pieces of debris. He asks Ben's brother (formerly "the kid") how Ben got stuck; Ben's brother explains that they were up on the canal when "the water started coming real fast." Ben begs Doug to get him out. Ben's brother reminds Ben that their mom told them to stay out of the tunnel. Ben yells back, "It isn't my fault, Joey. The water just pushed me!" And Ben's brother gets a name. Doug tells them both to settle down, and that Ben's current predicament isn't anyone's fault. He asks Ben whether he's okay. Ben says he's cold, and that his leg hurts. Doug says he'll take a look at Ben's leg, adding, "It's your lucky day -- I'm a doctor." He does something to Ben's trapped foot and asks whether it hurts. Ben cries out and says, "Yeah, a lot." Doug tells him to try not to move it. Ben asks, "Is it broken?" Doug tells him it might be. Ben starts sobbing, "Oh, no!" Geez, Ben, I would think your bum leg is the least of your concerns right now. Joey (formerly Ben's brother, formerly the kid) anxiously begs Ben not to cry. Doug repeats Joey's exhortation, adding, "This is nothing compared to what I've seen." (In other words, "Pipe down, you baby.") Joey screeches at Doug to get Ben out. Ben seconds that emotion: "Please, please get me out of here!" Doug tells him it's going to be "a piece of cake" to free Ben, and goes on to tell them he used to build forts in those tunnels when he was a kid, but that you have to be careful because the water comes up really fast. Joey and Ben are like, "Oh, it does?! Thank you for telling us that, Captain Obvious!" Doug tries again to dislodge the bars, but they're not budging. Doug grabs Joey by the collar of his shirt and tells him to go find a phone, call 911, and tell them to send a rescue squad. Joey does not need to be told twice, and gets going. Ben asks where Joey's going, though since everyone in the pipe is screaming to be heard over the sound of the water, I don't really know how he couldn't have heard. Doug tells Ben that the grate is locked, so Joey needs to go find someone to help get it off. Ben whines, "You said you could do it!" I know you're scared, but...the man's trying to help you, Ben. Keep it down. Doug peers up the pipe, behind Ben, and sees light shining down on the rushing water, further up the pipe. He asks Ben where the light is coming from, and Ben pouts, "I don't know." Doug says he's going to go check it out, and Ben begs Doug not to leave him alone. Doug promises Ben that he's going to get Ben out: "You've got to do me a favour, okay? You've got to trust me! Can you do that?" Ben, starting to cry again, says, "Okay." Doug instructs Ben to curl up into a ball, to conserve his body heat, and then says he'll be right back after he's checked out the light source.
Doug crawls out of the storm drain. He climbs a chain-link fence and runs through the trees. He gets to what he can tell is the top of the pipe, and paws through some fallen grass to find another grate (this one of wrought iron), through which the light he saw was shining. He leans over and calls Ben's name. Ben yells back that he can hear Doug. Doug looks around for something to dislodge the grate, eventually settling on a rock, which he uses to bash the lock holding the grate in place. He ineffectually bashes it with the rock for a while, and then finds a plank of wood he uses to try to pry it off. Also no good.
Doug takes the plank back into the storm drain. In his absence, the makeup crew has visited Ben; he's way whiter than he was when Doug left. Doug asks whether Ben's okay, and Ben shivers that he's "so cold." Doug asks him to wiggle his toes; Ben says he can't. Doug attempts cheer, saying that's okay, and tells Ben to wiggle his fingers instead. He grabs Ben's hand and asks whether Ben can feel him squeezing it; Ben says he can, a little. As Doug toils at the grate, he tells Ben to think warm thoughts: "Hawaii, the Sahara desert...." Ben, however, is starting to lose consciousness, his face drooping into the water. Doug notices and grabs Ben's face, splashing cold water in it and holding it up, demanding that Ben stay awake. Ben blinks blearily, and moans that he's "so tired." Doug says he knows, but that Ben must stay awake anyway. He suggests singing to keep Ben conscious, but Ben says he doesn't know any songs. Doug suggests "Take Me Out to the Ball Game," and they sing a couple of verses together as Doug tries to jimmy the grate. When it doesn't work, Doug tells Ben that he has to go get help. Ben begs Doug, again, not to leave him alone. Doug tells Ben to keep singing, as loud as he can, so that Doug can still hear him.
Doug runs back to his car, and gets a big flashlight, a crowbar, and a jack out of the trunk. As he starts to stagger back toward the park, a passing motorist honks at him in annoyance. Doug flicks the flashlight on and off to try to get the car to stop, but it doesn't. Joey runs back to Doug, yelping, "I couldn't find it!" Doug doesn't understand him, and Joey yells, "I couldn't find a phone anywhere!" Doug stares at him for a couple of seconds, and then hurls the jack through the front window of a store beside which they're standing. He tells Joey to go inside and use the phone there to call for help, and to stay there until help arrives. Joey looks like he's in shock, so Doug picks him up and places him inside the building. Joey springs into action.
Doug climbs back into the pipe. The water seems to be coming faster now. He calls Ben's name; we can't hear singing. The water is up around Ben's chin now as Ben chatters that he sang the song four times. Doug says, "I knew you could do it." Ben starts to nod off again, but Doug grabs his face to keep him awake, and explains that he's going to use the jack to get Ben's leg out. He places the jack between the bars between which Ben's leg is trapped, and asks whether Ben's a Cubs fan. Ben nods. Doug asks who his favourite player is. Ben starts to pass out again before he can answer, but Doug revives him, and Ben offers, "Mark Grace." Doug, trying to draw Ben into an argument, opines that "Shawon Dunston's the man" and "the best shortstop in the league." Ben has no response, because he's starting to pass out again. Doug revives him again as he promises to take Ben to a game at Wrigley Field season so that they can compare Grace to Dunston. The jack doesn't work right away. Ben keeps nodding off, his mouth underwater most of the time. Doug brings him back over and over, eventually challenging Ben to quiz him on baseball trivia. Finally, the jack parts the bars. Doug tells Ben to push his leg out. Ben says he can't, so Doug helps him. He pulls Ben forward and tells him to hold onto the bars and keep his head above water. Ben repeats that he can't, and Doug repeats that he can, finally ordering him, "You hold on, dammit! You! Hold! On!" Doug uses a crowbar to bang at the grate. Ben slips underwater. Doug goes to reach for him, and then desperately resumes his crowbar-bashing. The grate gives way. The rush of water propels Doug out into the pond; once he can stand again, he starts yelling Ben's name and swimming around looking for him. The rain, it raineth. In a truly great shot, Doug dives down and surfaces with Ben in his arms, illuminated by the searchlight of the helicopter that has just arrived on the scene. Doug struggles to the bank of the pond and sets Ben down. He checks for breath sounds and, evidently finding none, starts to perform CPR (but not before yelling that Ben isn't going to "die on" Doug). He does compressions in the light of the helicopter as we fade to commercial.
You know, I'm beginning to think Susan isn't in this episode at all.
After the commercials, we fade up on Mark, at the desk, staring intently at the computer. Duh, he's playing Doom, too. Carol advises him to watch out for fireballs. Jeanie comes strolling nonchalantly around the desk, pushing a cart full of charts. As Benton walks to the near end of the desk to meet her, Jeanie casually tells him that she sorted through all the charts and compiled all the discharge summaries, and that she thinks Benton's patient has a periesophageal hernia. She hands Benton a crisp sheaf of papers, and says that she'll be in the suture room if he needs anything else. Benton watches her go with a "curses, foiled again!" look.
Molly's room. We pan up from Molly's right leg, which is now in a cast from instep to just above her knee. Malik is pushing her bed as Molly tearfully asks Harper where they're going. Harper tells her they're moving her to "a nicer room." Molly calls for her lunchbox, and Harper darts back to grab it for her and set it on Molly's lap. As Harper tells Molly not to be scared, and promises to stay with her until they take her upstairs, Molly opens her lunchbox and fishes out a long string of brightly coloured beads. She tells Harper, "I made it in school." Harper tells her it's beautiful. Molly gasps, "It's for you." Harper takes it and thanks Molly graciously. "Ah! Very nice!" says Malik appreciatively. Aw. Harper is in the process of putting it around her neck when the bed convoy is met by Carter, and Molly's parents. Carter tells Mr. and Mrs. Molly that the plastic surgeon will be there shortly. Mrs. Molly briskly tells him that won't be necessary: "My plastic surgeon's on his way." Even as Molly is being wheeled into the elevator, Mr. and Mrs. Molly make with the bickering. Mr. Molly asks who she means. Mrs. Molly quietly says, "Fred." Mr. Molly whines, "Fred Mendoza? He'll cost a fortune!" Carter stands by, nervously trying not to get involved. Mrs. Molly turns on him and snaps, "It's only your daughter's face!" Mr. Molly crabs, "I hate him -- that's why you called him." Mrs. Molly reminds him, "He's the best in Chicago!" "For lopsided breasts," Mr. Molly mutters. OH NO HE DI'IN'T! Ha! Mrs. Molly hauls off and slaps him. Double ha! She stomps off. Carter and Mr. Molly watch her go, and then Mr. Molly confidentially tells Carter, "Touchy subject." Carter's like, "Leave me out of it," but you can tell he's laughing inside.
Park. The helicopter is still hovering as Doug does compressions on Ben's chest. Behind him, Joey's got a police officer -- who's carrying a flashlight and a blanket -- and is leading him to Doug and Ben. When Joey and the cop reach Doug, the cop asks whether Ben's okay. Doug tells the officer that mouth-to-mouth isn't working, because Ben's airway is blocked. Doug rolls Ben on his side, I gather to try to make him cough up whatever's in his throat, to no avail. The officer tells Doug that the paramedics should arrive "any minute." Doug tells the cop "that medevac 'copter will take" them. The officer informs Doug, "That's a TV news chopper." Damn journalistic vultures! Joey stands by, soaking wet and terrified, and cries, "Is my brother going to die?" "No, he is not! NO HE IS NOT!" Doug says emphatically. Doug rolls Ben onto his back, produces a Swiss Army knife from...somewhere, and holds it over Ben's throat. The cop asks what he's doing, and Doug explains that he's a doctor, and that he needs to clear Ben's airway. Thankfully, the director has enough sense to block most of what Doug's doing by putting George Clooney's big old head in the way. After he's finished, he asks the cop for a pen. The cop's all, "Huh?" because he's never seen a TV medical drama before. Eventually he hands one over, and Doug does that thing we've all seen a million times before, on a million hospital shows, where the doctor uses the empty tube from the pen to perform a makeshift tracheotomy. There are a tense few moments of Doug yelling at Ben to breathe, and then Ben duly coughs up some water and breathes. Doug picks Ben up in his arms, the blanket wrapped around him, and carries Ben through the park.
Doug, Joey, and the cop emerge to the road; Doug's still got the unconscious Ben in his arms. Before we see them, we can hear the sirens of the emergency vehicles parked on the street. The camera pulls back as an ambulance rolls up; a helicopter touches down behind it a moment later. Paramedics hop out of the rig, and Doug gives them the bullet on Ben: "I got a twelve-year-old trapped in a culvert; possible fracture to the left lower extremity, so don't jostle him! [He sets Ben on the bed.] He's hypothermic, could cause an arrhythmia. I'm Dr. Ross, from County ER." He starts calling out orders for equipment of various kinds. Suddenly, there's a dude in a suit and trench coat there, saying he picked up the paramedic call, and asking what happened; he's the reporter from the helicopter, and since he's unnamed, I'll just call him Kent Brockman. Joey proudly declares, "He saved my brother! He's a doctor!" This is all the information Kent needs, apparently, because he immediately starts filing a report in the background as Doug continues to work on Ben. The paramedic (I'll call him Officious McProtocol) tells Doug that Ben is well enough to move, and suggests that they call Mercy. Doug stops Officious from moving the bed, yelling that Mercy is not a level-one trauma centre. Officious argues that it's the nearest treatment facility. Doug cares not: "This boy needs a surgeon, probably an ICU." Officious protests that they need to follow base-station protocol. Doug barks, "What's your transport time?!" Officious guesses it's between ten and twelve minutes. Doug turns his attention to Kent and asks after his helicopter pilot. Kent calls to "Jimmy." Seeing where this is going, Officious snaps, "Sorry, doc -- we gotta move." Doug holds the bed in place and yells, "Wait, wait, wait, wait!" Jimmy the pilot jogs over. Doug asks him his flying time to County. Jimmy says it's fifteen minutes, but that the chopper isn't equipped for medical transport. Officious is practically apoplectic at this point. Doug yells that Ben is hypothermic and needs special care. The paramedic reiterates that "Mercy's closer." Doug snips, "By three minutes, and he dies because there's no ICU." "Or else he dies in a news chopper." Doug finally loses it, yelling that he doesn't have time to argue, and that he'll take full responsibility for Ben's care. He turns to Jimmy and Kent and screams, "THIS BOY IS GONNA DIE!" Kent turns to Jimmy and exclaims, "Let's do it! It's a great story." Jimmy sort of shrugs and nods, like, "Okay, you've got a point there." Doug goes back toward the rig. Officious asks, "What are you doing?!" Doug says he needs supplies, particularly a portable defibrillator. Officious helpfully says he's got a spare. He starts loading Ben's bed with gear, ruefully telling Doug, "You're taking a hell of a chance." Doug shoots back, "Damn right. Let's go!"
Doug, Kent, and the paramedics from the rig load Ben's bed into the news chopper. Doug tells Kent there isn't room enough for the cameraman, so Kent tells the cameraman to give Kent the camera and he'll film it himself. He tells the crew to get a van and meet him at County. The doors close, and the helicopter takes off.
Inside, Kent films Doug as he works on Ben. He's on a live feed to his station (presumably a fine NBC affiliate) and narrates, "We're live from Chopper Five with Dr....what's your name, doctor?" Doug tells him, and Kent resumes, "Dr. Doug Ross from County General. Just minutes ago, Dr. Ross rescued a boy from a storm drain. I can see you're attaching some electrodes to the boy's chest. What are those for, doctor?" Doug ignores the question and orders, "Patch me through to County." Kent repeats -- for the radio audience, I guess -- what Doug asked.
Back at County, the TV hanging from the ceiling in front of the desk is broadcasting Doug live, but no one among the hospital personnel is watching because they're gathered around the computer while Mark continues to play Doom. The radio beeps, and Carol trots over to take the call. The caller -- it sounds like Jimmy -- tells her it's Chopper Five from Channel Five News, and that they're bringing in a Dr. Ross with a hypothermic kid. Carol regards the radio quizzically, then repeats the information to Mark. As Mark is strolling over to the radio, curiously asking what Doug could be doing on a news chopper, Jerry glances up and points at Doug on the TV. Everyone turns to look. Malik yells for someone to turn up the TV. Mark asks the radio, "Doug, do you read me?" On the TV, Doug asks, "Mark, is that you?" Mark asks Doug, "What are you doing?" Doug explains that he's got a twelve-year-old kid with hypothermia, that he needs to warm him up fast, and that he's doing the best he can. He calls to Jimmy to ask their ETA and is told that it's about three minutes. Carol and Mark give each other "we're through the looking glass, here, people" looks as they talk to their colleague live on TV. Kent adds some stupid tag about Doug's struggle to save the life of a blah blah blah. Everyone gapes at the TV in total shock. While they watch, Ben appears to crash. Carol stares, frozen. Mark starts calling out orders for blankets, heated saline, yada. Mark snaps everyone out of their daze; they all head out to assemble supplies while Mark continues watching the screen. Kent is asking, "Is there anything you can do to warm him up now?" Doug ignores him. We cut back into the helicopter; Ben's heart monitor starts beeping. Kent asks why it's doing that, and Doug explains that Ben's having a run of abnormal heartbeats, but that Doug's trying to stabilize him. Ben goes into v-fib. Doug goes to shock Ben, but nothing happens. "They didn't charge the batteries?!" Doug screams. Zoom in on Mark, who breathes, "Oh my God." Doug tells Kent that he needs Kent's help, and that Kent must turn off the camera. A good, merciless journalist, Kent doesn't move the camera off Doug until Doug slams his hand in the lens and screams at him again to turn it off. The feed goes to static, and the station cuts to an anchorman in the studio, who says they've momentarily lost contact with Chopper Five, and calls the story "Rescue in Action" because, as we've all seen in the past few days, it isn't real news unless it's branded with some catchy tag line. Mark rubs his upper lip and looks concerned.
In the helicopter, Doug does compressions and instructs Kent as to how to bag Ben. Doug barks into his headset for Mark; getting no response, he snaps, "Where the hell's County?" Kent submissively says, "You told me to turn it off!" Doug tells Kent to reach County again, and tell them Doug will need a crash cart on the roof, immediately. Doug asks again how far they are from County; somehow the ETA is still three minutes. Doug angrily corrects Kent's bagging technique.
At the desk, Jerry hands Mark the phone; it's Morgenstern, who evidently saw Doug on the news and thought Doug's decision about the chopper was "kind of risky." There's a pause, and Mark tells Morgenstern that they're watching channel five at the desk. After a beat, Mark tells Jerry, "They're trashing us on channel eight." Jerry duly changes the channel as Mark assures Morgenstern, "Listen, you do not need to come in. Everything is under control." Suddenly he sees something at the ambulance bay doors that catches his attention, and hangs up the phone. On channel eight, a woman subtitled "Beth Mahoney, M.D., Medical Correspondent" is standing in County's ambulance bay and droning, "We have an unconfirmed report that resuscitation efforts may have failed. It's always a danger up there in that 'copter in the Windy City, and bouncing around with a child with hypothermia can cause a fatal arrhythmia." Mark realizes that "she's right outside," and disgustedly orders Jerry to turn off channel eight. Carol, walking by with supplies, spots Beth Mahoney at the door, and contemptuously metas, "Ugh, TV doctors." Mark tells Jerry, "Tell Security to escort Dr. Mahoney to a less conspicuous place."
Molly's room. Harper and Molly are playing Go Fish. Carter, followed by Benton, enters and asks how Molly's doing. She says her stomach hurts a little bit. Benton gently presses on her belly and tells Harper to get a CT of Molly's abdomen (along with her head), guessing that it's probably just a bruise from the accident. Carter asks Harper where Molly's parents are; she says they're in the coffee shop. Benton and Carter take off, but not before Carter breezily tells Molly he gets to play her . Too bad Molly's already got a chess game booked later against an as-yet-unseen opponent. ["Luka?" -- Sars]
In the hall, a team led by Mark and Carol wheels a bed and crash cart. Before they can get to the elevator, though, they're intercepted by a phalanx of reporters, with Beth Mahoney, M.D. taking the lead. Mark shoves his way through them. When a reporter asks Mark to confirm or deny the story that Ben's resuscitation failed, Mark ignores her and tells Malik to get Security to escort the swarm of vultures to the press room. The elevator opens -- and I swear the guy in it is Yick from Degrassi Junior High -- and Mark enters with all his gear. Another reporter has time to ask whether Mark questions Doug's decision to take Ben to County by helicopter instead of to Mercy by ambulance, and Mark steels, "Not for a second." Right on cue, the doors slide shut.
Roof. The helicopter touches down. The door opens. Mark and his team run over with the bed. Jargon. Procedure. Crash cart. Mark makes with the paddles while they're still outside on the roof, in the rain; Kent films and intrusively narrates the whole thing: "Chopper Five has just landed on the roof of County General. Doctors are taking out paddles. Several doctors are trying desperately to revive Ben Larkin. So far their efforts are failing." Kent screams, "Will he make it?" Everyone ignores him. They get a rhythm and move Ben inside, leaving Kent standing alone. "Damn," he breathes. To say the least.
County ER. The elevator doors burst open and Carol and Mark guide Ben's bed as Doug squats over him, still doing compressions. Mark exposits that they'll shock him again, and then try "rapid rewarming." They steer Ben into a trauma room.
Suddenly, the camera pans down the hall, following Benton, who's asking, "That little girl?" Carter explains that the "little girl" (and nice bedside manner, Benton -- it's Molly) crashed in CT: "Her pressure dropped and now she's unconscious." They get her back into a trauma room. Harper reminds Benton that Molly had said her stomach hurt. Benton guesses, "Could have blown a mesenteric clot." He tells Harper to go get O-negative blood. Lily pushes into...
...the room, where Doug is begging Ben, "Stay with us." They shock him again. Ben's lips are purple, and there's blood spattered just below his chin from his tracheotomy. Carol says she's got a faint pulse. Doug resumes compressions. Jerry pokes his head in to say that those maggots in the press (only he doesn't say "maggots," but his meaning is clear regardless) are "going crazy" and want a statement. Mark sarcastically replies that they're a little busy right now, and tells Jerry to relay the message that Ben is "holding his own." Jerry leaves. Mark orders tests and asks Ben's core temperature: it's 82°. Mark orders heated, humidified oxygen. They run in heated saline, and Doug calls for lidocaine. Mark glances up at Doug, notes that he's "a mess," and tells him to go change into scrubs. Doug don't want no scrubs -- or so I surmise, since he completely ignores Mark. I guess Mark then happens to touch Doug's hand, because he exclaims, "You're freezing, Doug! Go get some coffee and warm up!" Doug continues working and acting as though Mark doesn't exist (and I feel him). Mark finally yells, "Hey! I need you here! Go change!" Doug takes off, bitterly reproaching himself: "I never should have put him on that damn chopper!"
Molly's room. Carter is doing something tricky in the neighbourhood of Molly's neck. Starting a central line? You'd think I'd know this by now. Malik enters with blood. Mrs. Molly bursts in, fearfully asking what happened. Benton sensitively barks, "Get her out of here!" Mrs. Molly starts getting hysterical, squealing, "Somebody call my husband!" Harper has just finished telling Mrs. Molly that they think Molly has internal bleeding from the accident when Molly crashes (and Mrs. Molly can tell from the noise the monitor makes). Mrs. Molly screeches, "Molly!" and tries to fight her way to Molly's bedside. Harper and Malik shove her into the hall; Harper stays there with her, watching through the door. Carter intubates. The sound of the heart monitor doesn't change. Harper starts to cry.
Doug has changed into scrubs and is making his way past the desk toward Ben's room. Joey -- wrapped in a blanket and accompanied by his parents -- calls, "Dr. Ross!" "Hey, Joey," Doug says distractedly. Joey tells his parents, "He saved Ben!" Mr. Larkin asks Doug, "How is he?" Doug says it's too soon to tell. Mr. Larkin presses, "The news said his heart stopped!" Doug curtly replies, "It's going now," and enters Ben's room, asking how he is. Lily gives him Ben's latest vital signs. Morgenstern enters -- to claim a little glory for himself? Or perhaps I'm too cynical -- and asks how Ben is. Doug says, "He hasn't gone into D.I.C.," which I think stands for disseminated intravascular coagulation, a condition in which blood clotting takes place throughout the body instead of at the site of an injury. Morgenstern mutters that there are "reporters crawling all over this place like ants." Mark asks Ben's temperature; it's up to 85°. Doug says he's not warming up fast enough. "Heated pleural lavage?" Mark suggests. Doug doesn't think Ben's heart would take it: "We could bypass him, warm his blood directly." Mark agrees that it would be fastest, and perfunctorily asks Morgenstern what he thinks. "You're the Attending," Morgenstern tells Mark, and leaves. Then why did you even come in, Nosy Parkenstern? Mark tells Wendy to call a perfusionist with a bypass pump and a heating unit, and tells Lily to get Benton. Once again, we follow Lily...
...into Molly's room. Lily calls for Benton, but he tells her he can't go until he stops Molly's bleeding. He calls for a thoracotomy tray. Everyone springs into action. Mrs. Molly watches, looking terrified. Harper gently tells her that they can sit in the waiting room, but Mrs. Molly says she wants to stay. Harper insists that they have to go. Mrs. Molly covers her mouth and weeps, but allows herself to be led. In the room, everyone works on Molly. Lily briskly asks what happened, so that she can report back to Mark; Carter says she had an abdominal bleed, and coded. Lily's on the move again.
In Ben's room, Mark is calling out orders. Lily tells Mark that Molly is coding in the room. Mark follows Lily.
In Molly's room, Carter gives Mark the bullet. She's in asystole now. "Mesenteric rupture?" Mark guesses. "Probably," Carter allows. "Nothing you could have done about it," Mark assures him. Mark tells Benton he will take over, and tells Benton what Ben needs so that Mark and Benton can swap patients. Benton goes.
In Ben's room, the perfusionist arrives.
In Molly's room, Harper returns, having ditched Mrs. Molly in the waiting room. Carter brings her up to date by telling her they're trying internal paddles. Mark shocks her. No change. He shocks her again. Harper looks heartbroken.
Ben's room. Bypass a-go-go. Ben goes into v-tach. Doug chattily says, "Come on Ben, you can make it." Suddenly he gets all intense, leaning directly into his face and murmuring, "Hold on, buddy. Hold. ON." Carol watches, looking sad.
Molly's room. Everyone's covered in blood. Mark calls the time of death. Harper cries. Carter tentatively puts a hand on her shoulder for a second, and then says he'll go talk to Molly's parents. Harper is left along in the room, crying and swaying back and forth.
Ben's room. The scene is calm; Carol futzes with some tubes as Doug sits jauntily on a stool, flicking through a chart. Carol nudges Doug to say that Ben's awake. Ben looks confused. Doug smiles, "Hey! You're in a hospital. You're okay." Ben blinks. "You made it," says Doug, his hand on Ben's forehead. Ben has this sort of funny look of good-natured curiosity, as if he's hearing about something that happened to someone else. Mark appears and comments that the cut on Doug's forehead is "pretty nasty" and will require stitches. Without looking away from Ben, Doug tells Mark they can take care of it later. Doug asks Ben's temperature; it's 93° and his vitals are stable. Doug beams, "How about that, kiddo?" Ben smiles.
Hall. Mr. and Mrs. Molly are walking toward the camera, both looking wrecked; Carter stands behind them, watching them go. Mrs. Molly sobs. Suddenly, Beth Goddamn Mahoney, M. fucking D. is shoving a microphone in their faces while her cameraman assaults them with the light on his camera. (As soon as she approaches Mr. and Mrs. Molly, we can see Carter in the background jogging up to them to break it up.) Beth "No-Class" Mahoney, M. Duh infuses her voice with the fakest sympathy ever as she asks, "Excuse me, are you the parents of the little boy in the tunnel? How does it feel to know that Mercy Hospital was clearly three minutes closer --" Carter stands between Bitch Mahoney, Monster D. and Molly's parents, telling Mahoney, "I think you better leave." Beth Mahellney, M. Fuckwad twats, "I'm sorry, I'm talking to these people." "No, you're not," Carter sneers, making way for Mr. and Mrs. Molly to leave unmolested.
Ben's room. Carol bags Ben (on his tracheotomy hole! Ew!) as Mark stitches a cut on Doug's arm. Doug puts his hand on Ben's wrist and asks, "Hey, how're you feeling? You made it!" "Just like you promised," says Joey sunnily, entering with his parents, and with unfortunately T.J. Hooker-esque timing. Doug smiles, and stands up to greet them. Mr. Larkin swallows hard and says, "Thank you!" "That's all right," Doug says quietly. An orderly starts moving Ben's bed, and as it rolls by, Doug tells the smiling Ben, "Hey, you remember -- Wrigley Field! We got a date." Doug reluctantly sits back down as Mark says he has to finish the stitches. Doug regards his arm and cracks, "That one's crooked." Mark fondly says, "Yeah? Well, time, you can do it yourself." And now comes the Iceman/Maverick portion of the episode. Doug soulfully looks up at Mark and says, "Hey, Mark, thanks." "For what?" Mark asks. "You did all the hard work. I don't think I could have gone up in that helicopter." "I just got lucky," Doug humbles. "No. You know about kids," Mark replies. Doug and Mark stare into each other's eyes. And then they make out. Mark breaks it up by indicating Doug's wounds and saying, "Good as new." He goes to the door. Doug asks what he's doing, and Mark says he's "looking for reporters." He glances up and down the hall, and pronounces it "all clear." Doug gets up. Doug rubs the small of his back, because we're supposed to think, despite the fact that he looks perfect, that he's exhausted.
Mark and Doug walk down the hall, Mark exhorting Doug to "get some sleep." Doug scoffs, "My car's in Grant Park with a flat." And the keys still in it, so...I would venture to say your car's not in Grant Park anymore. Mark says they'll pick it up tomorrow, and that he'll get Doug a cab. "I guess I missed the opera," Doug smirks. Mark says that Linda will understand, and gives Doug his coat. "Grab a bite?" Mark suggests. Doug accepts.
Doug and Mark push open the doors into the ambulance bay. A woman's voice off-screen calls, "There he is!" Immediately Doug and Mark are surrounded by reporters begging for "just a moment of [Doug's] time" and asking how it feels to be a hero. Doug is blinded by the lights, and finally, we get a crane shot in which Mark and Doug are crushed on all sides by cameras and journalists, unable just to end their day in peace.
And speaking of ending in peace...that'll just about do it for me. As much as I have enjoyed recapping ER, I realized over the summer that between editing and posting half the recaps on the site, writing half the content over at Fametracker, and also (I hope) embarking on some entirely new projects this fall -- [cough] book [cough] -- something had to give, and I just will not have time to write the ER recaps, at least for the foreseeable future. Thank you all for reading the past season and a half of poorly fact-checked, lazily medically researched, and obscenely long recaps, and for being so smart and funny and well-behaved on the forums.
I am placing this space in the eminently capable hands of Heathen, formerly of Making the Band and Deadline and currently of Band of Brothers, Wolf Lake, and Undeclared. If you've read her recaps, you know she is going to rock ER like it's never been rocked before. If you haven't...you in for something good.
(Also -- and you didn't hear this from me -- keep an eye out for the Rex the Wonder Preemie store. No, I am not joking.)