There's a new pizza place on Divisadero. It's the third restaurant to take up residence in the same space since we moved here just over a year ago. The pizza is deep dish, and it actually might rival the incomparable Zachary's across the Bay with their crispy and not overly heavy, bready crust. They've also got quite a nice wine and beer list and a handful of champagne cocktails, with a notable one called "Pom-pagne" that's made with pomegranate juice and sugar cubes. Why should I bring up a random restaurant review here? You might well ask. Could you wonder why we grilled our waitress about who came up with that particular symbol? Around our house, we call that place IDIC Pizza.
You know, looking back at what happened last week with SURAK'S FUCKING KATRA getting green and peely with radiation poisoning, I don't think it really seems feasible for a soul to form mortal wounds. Maybe he was just manipulating Quantum with mind games.
Dub'ya explains why they are pretending to amass troops near the planet they gave Andoria in the peace treaty when really they are somewhere else. He explains to the Doubting Vulcan -- who is totally Col'n Pow'll, by the way -- that the reason why he wasn't told of this new plan is because of the paranoid fear that Andorian agents are amongst them. Col'n Pow'll continues to protest this preemptive strike. Dub'ya sneers, "We know they have the Xindi technology -- you've all seen the data." Col'n Pow'll points out that data can be falsified, whereupon Dub'ya shows them a WAV file of the Xindi weapon blowing up a dead planet from "Blue Swayed Crews," and says the file was recorded by the Andorian ship that stole the Xindi prototype. "Our operatives tell us it was taken back to Andoria where it was disassembled," Dub'ya continues. "We have reason to believe the Imperial Guard plans to equip their ships with similar weaponry." Col'n Pow'll wants evidence beyond weapons-of-mass-destruction-related program activities. "They didn't steal the prototype because they were merely curious. I know one thing, sooner or later the Andorians will make use of this technology. Is it logical for us to wait for that day?" Col'n Pow'll looks concerned that he will have to sign his name to a memo that will be a big lie.
I've come a long way for the power of Song, and what do I find? Weakling lyrics, a mawkish tune, and a tambourine!
T'Pol, Quantum, T'Pau, and SURAK'S FUCKING KATRA set off for the Emerald Blood City. T'Pol is against this plan of action; she wants to get back to the ship and tattle to Starfleet. Quantum says they have a more important mission, and he gestures at the Kir'Shara, saying they have to get it to the High Command. T'Pol doesn't catch on, so T'Pau helps out by saying that the Kir'Shara is said to contain all of Surak's true teachings. I guess that puts that little book T'Pol gave Quantum right out of date. T'Pau goes on that the writings would have an enormous impact on the High Command and on all of Vulcan. T'Pol is still a Doubting Thomas about these reputed Dead Surak Scrolls, and sighs heavily. Like a CRACK WHORE.
In the captain's Ready Room, Trip and Reed have a tête-à-tête about their mission to Vulcan. Reed isn't comfortable disobeying Starfleet; Trip tells him to stow it by saying he'll save him a seat at the court martial. So...they're supposedly not military, yet they can still be court-martialed? Stick to a story, people, and make it one or the other. Reed leaves as Soval enters, and he gives the Vulcan the hairy eyeball. Trip tells Soval that they need to get to the one Andorian who sort of trusts them some of the time. "Commander Shran," Soval reminds those of us who haven't been praying for Shran McCain's return to this series since last year. Soval thinks he has a way of getting in touch with him. Trip's pleased and, interestingly enough, doesn't act like a jackass and grill him on the specifics the way I think someone else I could mention would do. Soval observes that Reed seemed out of sorts, and Trip confides that some of the crew aren't exactly behind him in this trip to Andoria. "I have no doubt that Captain Quantum would pursue the same course of action," Soval observes. But he'd be doing it with more furrows.
The Geordi. T'Pol is still pederanting about contacting Enterprise, and Quantum says that the Dead Surak Scrolls might be the only thing to prevent a war between Andoria and Vulcan. T'Pol doesn't understand why there'd be war after the peace treaty. "Dub'ya was just stalling for time. He's been preparing a large scale attack ever since." Yeah, ever since his T'Pa was the subject of a foiled assassination plot. In fact some senators were quite shocked when Dub'ya said, "Fuck Shran. We're gonna take him out" so early in his administrationcy. And by the way, if my father ever has a problem with my constant swearing in these recaps, he should thank his party. The party of "fuck." T'Pol demands to know just how Quantum is such a goddamned know-it-all, and Quantum cites The Chuckling Vulcan's residual memories. Quantum and T'Pol argue a bit more over Quantum's assholish state of mind. Quantum insists that he's not possessed or delusional. Not...saying...anything. As Quantum continues to babble about the Dead Surak Scrolls, T'Pau interrupts him and tells him not to move. She gestures to a rock in front of them and says, "Gallicite deposits. Are you in possession of anything metallic?" Instead of handing over his skull, Quantum gives her a suspiciously Klingon-y bowie knife. T'Pau flings the knife at the rock and it gets electrified. "Thanks for the warning," Quantum furrows. Like, why didn't Syrran's memories or SURAK'S FUCKING KATRA warn you? Jackass.
Beige Coruscant. Col'n Pow'll announces that their patrols returned with eight Syrranites, and also with the news that Syrran is dead and there was a human among three more survivors. "Quantum," Dub'ya mutters. "They say he is carrying the Dead Surak Scrolls," Col'n Pow'll announces. Dub'ya pooh-poohs their existence. Col'n Pow'll argues. Dub'ya tells him that'll be all. Col'n Pow'll storms off. Dub'ya heads over to some guy sitting at a desk with no work in front of him, no computer, no papers -- he's just staring blankly ahead. He's kind of like Robin from The Apprentice. I'll bet it's not a real desk and he's not a real Vulcan. Dub'ya whispers in his ear to contact Major Talok to find the rest of the Syrrannites and eradicate them.
Enterprise approaches a blue cloud. On the bridge, Soval asks Trip to open a channel. "To who?" Trip wonders. "The nebula," Soval duhs. Trip's expression is all, "Okay, Governor Moonbeam," before he nods at Hoshi. They get the nebula's answering machine, which says, "Hi, Nebula isn't home right now but if you leave a message after the moon, I'll get back to you as soon as a star explodes." Okay, maybe Soval just talks out into the void, saying he's looking for Shran McCain and that they've decrypted their security protocols, so they know they're hiding out there. No response. Trip tries telling the nebula that they've got information they might want to hear. Three Andorian ships sail into view, and Shran McCain appears on the viewscreen, snarking, "Commander Tucker, you have a poor choice of friends."
In the situation room, Shran McCain isn't disposed to believe Soval about the invasion, and says that the Vulcan leaders must know that Andoria will respond full force if attacked. "They were told you are adapting Xindi weaponry and that you're planning on using it against Vulcan," Soval says. Shran McCain screams over the absurdity and reminds us that Quantum destroyed the Xindi weapon before they could scan it. Soval says that Geo'ge Ten't conveniently left out that information. Shran McCain calls all Vulcans liars, and squalls that both their worlds will be destroyed if they get into an all-out war. Soval calmly tells him they came to warn the Andorians so that they can intercept the fleet. "You're betraying your own people by telling me this," Shran McCain squints. Soval is aware of that. He thinks that if the Vulcans are met with resistance, Dub'ya will have to call off the invasion. Shran McCain ponders and asks Trip if he believes Soval. Trip does. Shran McCain says he needs to consult with his superiors. Trip tells him to hurry up.
The Geordi. As Quantum lies collapsed in a corner somewhere, T'Pau and T'Pol discuss getting into the Emerald Blood City. "There's a security grid around the capital -- it's unlikely we'll get past it," T'Pol says. "We'll find a way. Surak will help us," T'Pau says calmly. I hate that kind of unruffled smugness. It's so FUCKING annoying and it just makes me want to shake her. T'Pau notes that T'Pol doesn't believe in the katra. T'Pol says it doesn't matter what she believes; the fact is, if they don't get Quantum to a doctor, he could be permanently damaged. T'Pau responds, "He doesn't need a doctor, he needs a priest." At this point the water bag drops out of Quantum's hand in the background, and they both rush to retrieve it. It was an odd bit of direction, I must say. It took several rewindings to figure out what exactly was falling over back there. T'Pol CRACK WHORES, "It's irrational that we're following someone in his state of mind!" Honey, that's what I've been saying for FOUR YEARS! "What if he dies before we can get help?" T'Pol spits out. T'Pau stares at her. T'Pol apologizes that her mother's death has affected her more than she realized. Yeah, affected you like CRACK. T'Pau agrees that her mother was singular, and says that even though they didn't always agree, she valued her counsel. "I could allow you to experience what she shared with me," T'Pau says. So does everyone just run around mind-melding with everyone in their social circle? T'Pol doesn't say that she never chose to meld with her mother. Instead she says that she can't meld. T'Pau hastens to add that she will guide her through the first tender steps. T'Pol cops to being meld-forced in the past and as a result has contracted a disease. "Pa'nar Syndrome," T'Pau intones. "Do you still suffer from it?" T'Pol says there is no cure. "Another lie perpetrated by the High Command. Pa'nar has been known since Surak's time. It's caused by melders, who have been improperly trained. One with great experience can correct the neurological imbalance." Which, of course, is her. She places her hands on T'Pol's face, who arches her back in response as T'Pau cleans up her mental herpes and throws in an orgasm for free.
Shran McCain's ship. An Andorian comms Shran McCain that they've got a lock on Soval and can beam him over without Enterprise detecting it. Shran tells her to go ahead. Soval is beamed into a clinical-looking chair and flutters his hands around. Shran pulls a phaser on him and welcomes him aboard.
After the commercials, Shran McCain says he's sticking him in the Aurora chair because he doesn't believe the Vulcan fleet is where Soval said it was. The chair secures Soval with a rollercoaster seat belt and Soval says, "You must know torture is rarely effective with Vulcans. Our mental disciplines allow us to suppress pain." Shran McCain responds that their security division has had a long time to develop this new technology: "This machine doesn't cause physical discomfort -- it uses a neuro-synaptic field to lower your emotional threshold." Soval looks very worried. A light goes on over Soval's head, accompanied by a high whine. "How do you feel?" Shran McCain asks. And remember this is for posterity, so be honest. You know, I think that's the second time I've worked that in this season. How dull I'm getting. Soval just gasps and shudders. Shran makes with the threats about how some Vulcan operatives who underwent this procedure were never quite the same, and he begs Soval not to make him do that to him. Soval insists that their ships are where he said they were. Shran ups the PMS. Soval shouts for Shran to keep increasing the setting and get the whole thing over with. Shran complies. Soval screams and gets cramps.
Enterprise. The crew has noticed that Soval has gone missing. Trip tries and fails to comm the Vulcan ex-ambassador. "Internal sensors -- scan for his bio-signs," Trip orders Reed. Do you want to tell me why didn't they do that as soon as they discovered him to be missing? Idiots. Of course they don't find Soval. Trip gets a put-upon tone in his voice and sighs, "Scan the Andorian ships." Hee. Reed finds a Vulcan signature on the lead ship. Trip orders tactical alert and yells at Shran over the comm. The Andorians respond by moving into the nebula. Enterprise targets one of their ships and tries to disable the engines. I don't think it works, because the ship keeps on moving. Enterprise follows and loses its sensors because of the particle flux in the nebula. Trip takes off to Engineering to compensate for the particle flux, which will take a few hours.
The Geordi. T'Pol insists that the sweating and panting Quantum needs to rest. Quantum ignores this. T'Pol tells him he'll collapse. "If you need a break, T'Pol, you should just say so," Quantum sneers. I don't care if you're the friggin' Messiah, hate you. T'Pol drops her backpack, and T'Pau goes scouting. T'Pol wonders if Quantum has had any more conversations with SURAK'S FUCKING KATRA. The way she asks the questions is of one tolerating a particularly insane uncle who needs people to come around and sit with him while he takes things in water every few hours. And if he wants to perch on the picture rail because he suddenly fancies himself a partridge, so be it. Quantum says hasn't heard from SURAK'S FUCKING KATRA in a few hours. Quantum chuckles, "Of all the people who could've carried this katra." T'Pol snaps, "I doubt you were The Chuckling Vulcan's first choice." Quantum ignores this, because he's a jackass, and says, "Ever since the meld, I've felt more...centered. It's hard to explain. My whole life, I've never really understood Vulcans -- why they work so hard to suppress their emotions. Now it all seems to make sense. thing you know I'll be taking up meditation." He's really not very sincere in his delivery. Jackass, jackass, JACKASS! I mean, way to make light of the Vulcan religion! T'Pol comments that he might find meditation beneficial. At the very least, it might finally clear up those furrows. "And when we get back, you might want to take a closer look at the Syrrannite philosophy," Quantum condescends. Oh, so now he's trying to teach her how to be a Vulcan? Look, we all might think she needs schooling in that department but not from this jackass. No way. Quantum does some more obnoxious arguing for The True Way and says that as a scientist, it should interest her. T'Pol leaps to her feet and CRACK WHORES, "This has nothing to do with science!" T'Pau arrives and asks if she's interrupting. Quantum looks at both of them wisely and calmly. Shut up, Quantum. "No," T'Pol grits, picks up her pack, and walks out. Quantum sits for a moment and then smirks to himself before following them. Prick. You know, I liked you better when you were playing a presidential assassin.
Aurora chair. More torture. More screaming. Shran McCain admits that he doesn't like having to do this to Soval, as he came to trust him during their treaty negotiations, but he must know where their fleet is. Soval screams that he's going to tear Shran's antennae clear off his head. Is he then going to piss down his dead skull? "You would never betray your people!" Shran yells. "I'm trying to SAVE THEM!" Soval yells back, and struggles under the restraints. "Where is YOUR FLEET?!" Shran bellows. Soval stops struggling and asks Shran, "Do you know the story of Nirak?" Combs is hysterical here, he squints and takes a step back as he hisses, "WHAT?" like he's convinced Soval is now totally insane. Soval tells a story about this Nirak guy, who was a soldier a long time ago. He was standing watch over the gates of the city of Gol and saw a big cloud approaching. He thought it was a sandstorm, so he didn't raise the alarm. Turns out it was actually an army and all Gol in Caesar was destroyed. The army let Nirok live, and now his name means "fool" in Vulcan. "Just as yours will in Andorian!" Soval finishes his fairy tale. Shran McCain gets angry and ups the setting. Soval starts to retain water and get irritable.
The Geordi. The Four Kings of Orient Are get ambushed by some Vulcans. They want the Dead Surak Scrolls. Quantum won't hand them over, so they fight. And in the middle of the fight -- where we finally get to see T'Pau exhibit some of that legendary Vulcan strength -- Quantum fucking does the VULCAN FUCKING NECK PINCH. And it WORKS! Hate. T'Pol is clobbered, and despite the fact that Quantum doesn't want to leave her behind, T'Pau shoves him down a hole. I knew I liked her for a reason. Dude, do you know what these High Commandos are fighting with? Those are fucking lirpa! Man, can open. Anvils everywhere. T'Pau and Quantum slide down a dry waterslide and land in a cavern. Quantum's pissed at the shoving, and T'Pau says she was protecting the Dead Surak Scrolls.
T'Pol wakes up to find herself in custody of the High Commandos. She tells them that they're taking the Dead Surak Scrolls to Mt. Selaya because it contains Surak's most embarrassing dear diary moments and only the priests on the mount can translate them. The head High Commando grabs T'Pol and threatens, "If you are deceiving me." T'Pol tips her chin up and says, "I am a Syrrannite -- we don't lie." Oookay?
After the commercials, Head High Commando allows a staggering T'Pol to rest and offers her his water. She refuses. "You've changed," Head High Commando notes. At first I thought he was a past slampiece (tm, hysterically, Demian) but then Head High Commando reminds T'Pol that he served under her command years ago. I think Head High Commando sounds suspiciously like Shower Guy, even though I know it's not the same actor. Head High Commando wonders why T'Pol betrayed them and bombed the embassy. T'Pol picks up the Syrrannite mouthpiece where Quantum carelessly dropped it down her pants and says that they've been misled; the Syrrannites are peaceful people. "I have spared your life because you were once my superior -- your companions won't be so fortunate." Oh, whatever -- if I believed that would actually come to pass, I'd be celebrating right now.
Shran's ship. Shran's commanding officer wants an update. Shran yells that he's not ready. Soval giggles at this. "You find this amusing?" Shran demands. "Ordinarily I wouldn't but because of this device..." Soval trails off, shrugs, and giggles again. I think it's the shrug I love the most. Shran says, "There...are...three --" I TOTALLY expected him to say "LIGHTS!" -- "higher settings on that panel. If I use them..." Soval sneers that Shran is afraid to use them, and wonders how he's going to explain that to his commanding officer. Shran's ship is fired on by Enterprise.
Enterprise. Trip orders them to get a lock on Soval.
Shran's crew wonders if they should return fire. "Are you going to make enemies of the humans as well?" Soval wonders. Shran McCain finally decides to let Soval go back to Enterprise.
The Geordi. T'Pau examines footprints in the sand leading to Mt. Selaya. It would appear that none of them are Jesus because she also identifies T'Pol's tiny trail. I highly doubt that T'Pol's little high-heeled boots would leave Timberland track marks. Quantum follows the trail, announcing to T'Pau that he's going after his science officer and he really doesn't want to hear any lectures about many needs and few outweighs. God, he's really stupid, isn't he? Can't he figure out that his science officer is leading her captors to the mountain in order to give them time to get to the Emerald Blood City? Way to make her dangerous efforts completely pointless. Ass.
Enterprise. Sickbay. Phlox and Trip examine an unconscious Soval as Shran McCain walks in and asks after the Vulcan. They actually let him back on the ship? Trip, don't slip into Quantum's asinine habits of the first season, not when you were doing so well. Shran defends himself by saying he had to be sure Soval was telling the truth. Phlox confirms that Soval will have no lasting damage to his emotions -- just a little lower back pain and some breakouts. Shran say the Andorians are redeploying their fleet. "Now yuh b'leeve him. What changed yer mind?" Trip asks. "A lesser man would have told me what I wanted to hear even if it wasn't true. There's been too much suspicion -- too many lies on both sides," Shran says, and hands over the coordinates of where the Andorians and the Vulcans will run into each other. The Andorians think it would be helpful if Enterprise came along.
The Geordi. The High Commandos hear a sehlat who is late for dinner. They spread out. We see that T'Pau is also a B'eastmaster, as her multiphonic voice is the one faking the sehlat call to draw off the Vulcans. Two of the High Commandos start shaking their lirpas and soon electrical charges attack them. Looks like they came upon one of those rocks that ate Quantum's Klingon knife. Head High Commando witnesses this and looks hysterically down at his lirpa before he throws it aside. Quantum attacks him from above and delivers a few kidney punches before he holds a lirpa to Head High Commando's neck and demands to know where T'Pol is. Head High Commando says T'Pol's been taken to the High Command. Quantum snatches back the lirpa and administers the VULCAN FUCKING NECK PINCH. T'Pau observes that his technique is improving. WhatthefuckEVER! They took something away from Bones -- BONES! -- and gave it to this furrowing jackass? Granted, McCoy weighed 1/18 what Quantum does and almost folded in half when he tried it, but STILL! I can't believe they dare to do this -- Bakula could very well go down as they most hated captain in Trek history, and giving him SURAK'S FUCKING KATRA and the VULCAN FUCKING NECK PINCH is just making matters worse. He is SO not WORTHY!
High Command. Dub'ya is sarcastically happy to see T'Pol, and reminds her that treason is still punishable by execution on Vulcan. Col'n Pow'll announces that seven alien ships have taken up position directly in the path of their fleet. Dub'ya looks worried.
Enterprise. Reed still doesn't think they're doing the right thing. Before Trip can respond, Hoshi announces that the Vulcan fleet will be arriving in a few hours. Shran McCain comms them to say that the rest of the Andorian fleet won't arrive in time, so they're on their own. Now, I call that a tactical fuck-up on the part of the Andorians. Why didn't Shran and Enterprise wait until they and the Andorian fleet could arrive at Vulcan at the same time? It's not like the Vulcans were about to attack that day.
The Geordi. T'Pau explains to Quantum -- who should have gotten this information from SURAK'S FUCKING KATRA if you want my honest opinion -- that the Dead Surak Scrolls will stop a war, because Dub'ya can't govern without approval from the rest of the Council. Apparently, something within the Dead Surak Scrolls could make the Council reconsider their support. Still don't see how that works, but then again, I don't have a dead Vulcan rattling around in my brain. Quantum and T'Pau stand on some rocks and look down at the Emerald Blood City. Quantum doesn't suppose they can just walk into the High Command. "We can transport in but we'll need access codes," T'Pau offers. Quantum looks at T'Pau and says, "I know someone who might have them." Okay, if it's either SURAK'S FUCKING KATRA or The Chuckling Vulcan, then these Vulcans have even more security breaches than I previously thought and shouldn't be invading anyone. Oh, wait.
The Vulcan fleet flies and powers up weapons. The Andorians power up as well. Trip tells May-Milli to put them between both fleets. "If the Vulcans wanna start a war, they're going to have to git through us first." Reed looks disapproving. Shut up, Reed. Shran gets on the horn to yell at Trip to get back in formation, which makes me giggle as I imagine the Andorians and Enterprise in a marching band with Shran as the majorette and Trip as a flag twirler with little booties. Trip yells back that he's buying them time.
Beige Coruscant. Col'n Pow'll announces that the Andorians have more ships on their way. "They won't arrive for several hours," Dub'ya says. "You told us this strike would be a surprise -- that there would be minimal casualties on both sides. The Andorians are armed with standard particle canons -- there is no evidence of Xindi technology! Not only that but you don't have a viable exit strategy -- if you broke it, you bought it!" Col'n Pow'll says most of that, and insists they call off the attack. "Our forces are committed, we can't turn back," Dub'ya argues. The Vulcans get word that they are being hailed by Enterprise. Dub'ya nods to put it through and then cracks me up by rolling his eyes when he hears it's Trip. Trip tells Dub'ya that the Andorians know what they're planning, and suggests they turn their ships around. Dub'ya tells them to take a hike. Trip won't, saying that the Andorians helped them when Earth was under attack and they're returning the favor. Dub'ya says they'll be fired upon if they stay. Trip says he's already sent word to Starfleet about what they are doing, so if Enterprise is destroyed, they'll know who's responsible. Dub'ya hangs up on them and orders his ship to engage the enemy fleet. Col'n Pow'll says he can't allow this. Dub'ya has a subcommander pull a weapon on Col'n and says, "If you attempt to interfere again, I'll have you arrested." And then get replaced by someone who mistakenly refers to Dub'ya as her husband at cocktail parties. Twice in the same night.
Enterprise. Reed announces that the Vulcans are locking weapons on the Andorians. Trip tells him to standby with weapons. Enterprise flies through the green and blue crossfire, and it totally reminds me of that scene in the beginning of Star Wars when C3PO and R2D2 just walk down the corridors as the Imperial Guard and the Rebel Alliance fight. Enterprise takes a hit by a Vulcan weapon. Hoshi announces that an Andorian ship is in trouble and a Vulcan cruiser is closing in. Trip orders Reed to "see if [he] can get their attention."
High Command. Dub'ya gets the report that Enterprise has opened fire on them. "Destroy them," Dub'ya says calmly. Enterprise is attacked and can't even dent the Vulcan cruiser's shields. Suddenly, an Andorian ship comes to the rescue. Shran comes on the viewscreen and shouts amid explosions on his ship, "Tell Quantum that's TWO his owes me!" Wait, what about the fact that Enterprise just went to the aid of a vulnerable Andorian ship, and the fact that Enterprise warned the entire Andorian race about this Vulcan threat? I'd say they're about even now. Trip just nods ruefully, because sadly, he's still not very bright.
High Command. Two cloaked Jedi masters walk in with their heads bowed. As T'Pau and Quantum throw back their hoods to reveal themselves, Col'n Pow'll takes the opportunity to administer the Vulcan neck pinch on the subcommander who has a weapon on him. He grabs the gun and orders everyone to stay where they are. Quantum says they need to talk. Dub'ya natters on that T'Pau is a lying anarchist. "T'Pau didn't bomb our embassy, you did," Quantum says. Quantum goes on that the bombing was an excuse to round up the Syrrannites so they wouldn't find the Dead Surak Scrolls, which Quantum places on the table. "Is that --?" Col'n Pow'll breathes in awe. T'Pau nods. Dub'ya hisses, "The Dead Surak Scrolls are a myth!" Yeah, well, this myth is looking right back at ya, Shrub. Quantum touches the Dead Surak Scrolls in their secret places. The Dead Surak Scrolls respond by projecting Surak's writings in green holographic forms and suddenly we're in a scene from A Beautiful Mind. Not that I saw that piece of crap, but I saw the previews.
Enterprise takes on a lot of damage, and Shran can't help them, as the Vulcans are keeping him busy.
Dub'ya calls the Dead Surak Scrolls "holographic trickery" but Col'n Pow'll says they have to examine the artifact in detail. "No!" Dub'ya says. "Quantum dating will confirm it's from the time of Surak," T'Pau says. You know, in this case, good ol' carbon dating would work just fine since it's only from two thousand years ago. I think they just like to say "quantum dating." Dub'ya rants. "The Dead Surak Scrolls will show us our True Path," T'Pau says calmly. This enrages Dub'ya. I don't think he's been doing his meditations lately. "It must be destroyed!" Dub'ya lunges at the Dead Surak Scrolls but a blast of green fire drops him. At first I thought the shot came from the Dead Surak Scrolls and I was all, "Cool, it can defend itself!" but then I saw it came from Col'n Pow'll's phaser and I was sad. Col'n Pow'll comms someone to get him the fleet commander immediately.
Enterprise is in serious trouble. May-Vanilli loses helm control and they start venting atmosphere. Suddenly, the shooting stops. All is quiet. Reed announces that the Vulcan ships are withdrawing. Trip gets a comm from the High Command. "Trip -- is everything all right?" Quantum asks. "More or less," Trip shrugs, looking really confused. "What's goin' on Cap'n?" "There've been a few changes here. Get back to Vulcan as soon as you can," is all Quantum says. I'm sorry, but if I were Trip I'd be like: "No, fuck you: we're venting atmosphere, we almost died, so you're going to just sit there and tells us what's going on RIGHT NOW!"
Vulcan. Quantum is sadly back to being captain, and he blogs that Dub'ya has been impeached and his role in the bombing is being investigated. For the moment, the conflict between the Andorians and the Vulcans appears to have been averted.
Captain's Ready Room. Frank Lloyd Vulcan enters, and T'Pol tells him that Quantum wanted her to thank him for handing over his transporter access codes. You know, if he was really grateful, you would've thought Quantum could have thanked the guy in person. Whatever. Frank Lloyd Vulcan releases T'Pol from their marriage. T'Pol sort of protests, but really CRACK WHORES more than anything. Frank Lloyd Vulcan bids her adieu. T'Pol's eyes fill with CRACK WHORES.
Vulcan. A priest melds with Quantum and intones, "The katra is with me now." That is one creepy-looking dude. I mean, if that's a priest, I wouldn't go to church much. He sort of looks like Reggie Nalder, who was the assassin in The Man Who Knew Too Much as well as the real Andorian in "Journey to Babel." Sort of an interesting choice. Col'n Pow'll asks how Quantum feels. Thankfully, Quantum doesn't say that he doesn't understand the question, and instead says he feels like a giant weight has been lifted from him. "Word has already spread of the discovery," T'Pau says. Well, I'd hope so -- don't they have VNN? I assume the opening of the Dead Surak Scrolls was the most T'vo'd moment in Vulcan history. Col'n Pow'll says that the people of Vulcan are in his debt. What about Trip's debt? He played a major role in this, too! Quantum got to walk around acting insufferable, self-satisfied, and know-it-all, and he gets a planet full of grateful people. Trip just gets demoted. That's annoying. Col'n Pow'll holds up his hands in the Vulcan salute and says, "Peace and long life." Quantum salutes silently back. Co'ln Pow'll nods satisfied, smiles (SMILES?!), and leaves. As Soval looks on, T'Pau says he might be witnessing the start of a new era for Vulcan as well as Earth. Soval explains that Col'n Pow'll as Administrator plans to allow Earth to do what it wants in space: "The High Command will be dissolved." "You'll no longer have us looking over your shoulder -- it's time for Earth to stand on its own," T'Pau adds. "We're ready," Quantum grimaces.
In the Geordi, Dub'ya walks in dark caverns and accuses a shadowy figure of failing. "Am I to be blamed for your incompetence?" a voice suspiciously like Shower Guy's says. Dub'ya says that Quantum was supposed to be killed. Shadow says that it's all Dub'ya's fault and now he has to leave Vulcan. "What about me?" Dub'ya demands. "Not now, your disappearance would cause suspicion," Shadow says. "This is simply a minor delay," Shadow continues as he walks into the light and shows off his Evil Fashion Romulan's ugly attire. "The reunification of our people is only a matter of time," Shadow the Romulan says as we catch full sight of his brow ridges. Quantum's going to get furrow-envy, and I hate to burst your bubble, big guy, but two hundred years later, reunification still hasn't happened.