Tonight, the Evil Dr. Mathra and I celebrated our Halfway Birthday with bellinis, pizzas from Fly, popcorn, and a host of new New Belgium beer with our awesome friends. We've decided that the only way to get through these Fridays is to make a party out of it and it's been quite successful. Belchimaera, in an effort to make me see the light, brought over the DVD case of the Dune mini-series. She wanted me to see the cover, so I would know that Alec Newman wasn't always Heinous Dias. I'm sorry, but he's still ugly and the only thing the Dune thing does for him is make him look a bit like Robert Patrick.
So, big props go out to Belch, Gytha Ogg, and Mr. Gytha. I don't think I've spent a more hilarious night in a long time and it was a perfect way prolong our birthdays into a two-week celebration. For the record, it took us two hours to get through this episode because we kept pausing it to screech, pop in a tape of Picard doing the mambo, or drink more Frambozen, Trippel, and Sunshine Wheat in order to get Picard doing the mambo out of our heads. We even managed to watch the TNG episode, "Masks," also known in our house as "Rainforest Archaeology," just so the entire room could be familiar with the line, delivery, and nasal tones of "Moussaka is coming," which unfortunately ended up making Belch crave Greek food for the rest of the night.
Phlox announces that the containment breach is imminent. Without a climbing song, Quantum climbs. Once he reaches the primary junction, Reed tells him what to do. It's all about diverting relays. Again. Quantum pushes some buttons and Dr. Lucas announces, "He's isolated this room -- the pathogens can't reach us." "What about the captain?" Reed inquires urgently. What do you think, Reed? He's gonna die, of course. Just like he has about ten times before. One of these days they're going to make good on that promise. I have faith. Dr. Lucas pretty much says the same thing. About the dying, not the faithing.
I don't believe in the no-win scenario except where this song is concerned.
Quantum's got a plan. He tells T'Pol to blow a hole in the hatch of his tube. "Captain, the core will decompress," T'Pol frets. "That's the idea," Quantum bravados. "Stand by for transporter!" I never really noticed the texture of T'Pol's catsuits before -- there are these weird striations on the sides and arms. I think they're ribbed for her pleasure. Quantum bounces oddly in the tube as the pathogens are announced to be worming their way up. "Fire!" he yells at T'Pol. Enterprise fires and Cold Station 12 flushes Quantum down the toilet. Just as he gets into space, Quantum is beamed out. T'Pol confirms that Trip has Quantum on board. On the transporter pad, Trip rushes to his frigid captain's side. I'm not kidding, the guy has been sprayed with Sno-in-a-Can. "And you thought he was stiff before!" Gytha yuks.
On the Bridge of the Klingon ship, Dain'ta glares Mullet out of the captain's chair as they enter Klingon space. Mullet preens that he killed everyone on Cold Station 12, which makes Dain'ta haveth with the righteous anger. "You disobey me again and I'll lock you in the targ pit. You won't see the light of day for a month! Do I make myself clear?" I don't know, is it the La Brea targ pit? Mullet mutters, "Yes. Father," and proceeds to sulk around the Bridge. Something has gone agley in engineering, so Dain'ta orders Mullet off to fix it. "I'm not an engineer," Mullet mewls. "You're a bright boy, Mullet, I'm sure you'll figure it out," Dain'ta thinks. But we've no evidence proving that he would be able to figure it out! I know those big foreheads are supposed to be a sign of big brains, but the only sign I've seen is "Sspace for rent." Mullet snits off. Dain'ta glares.
Sickbay. T'Pol logs that they evacuated Cold Station 12 and that the Captain shows no sign of thawing. Well, maybe she says "infection," but the footnote in her log says "thawing." The team discusses going after Dain'ta and the Khannabees with out being detected. "I culd paint a Bird-of-Prey on the hull," Trip says. No, that's what the Romulans do, jackass. Don't even TRY to make me believe that they will attempt to credit Trip with that invention. Shut up, Trip. Quantum's got a bad case of freezer burn around the eyes. They decide to fake a Klingon warp signature. T'Pol says that Dr. Lucas and his crew want to return to the station and begin the decon immediately. "That's quite a mess they have to clean up," Trip comments. Yeah, they gotta wipe down that bloody tube. I'm so going to hell for that. "Dr. Lucas estimates it will take more than a year," T'Pol adds. Phlox does this weird double-take that is never explained. Maybe he wants to stay behind to help his lover?
Dain'ta gives instructions where they are to go once they get through Klingon space. "The Klingons call it Klack d'Kel Brakt," Dain'ta turns to deliver the Let's Just Work in a Reference to Every Possible Trek Movie anvil, and adds, "I like to call it The Briar Patch. It's a little catchier, don't you think?" Br'er Khannabenigma cocks his big ugly head and duhs, "The Briar Patch?" "You should have read more of the books I left you," Br'er Dain'ta tsks. And watched more of the Disney videos, evidently. Instead all they've been doing is searching the web for blog rumors about Khan and downloading Netflix copies of The Blue Lagoon onto their TiVo. As Khannabenigma looks chastened, Dain'ta turns back to the viewscreens. This Klingon viewscreen is so weird -- it shows really low-tech graphics, yet it has smoke wisping over them. "The region is flooded with radiation from supernova remnants. The Klingons have never mapped it but there are signs of at least two habitable planets. It's unlikely anyone will find us," Dain'ta goes on. Hm, the "Briar Patch" entry in The Star Trek Encyclopedia says, "The Briar Patch was full of supernova remnants...and low-levels of metaphasic radiation." It's like the guy who wrote that book works for the show or something. Mullet is angry at the fact that Dain'ta wants to hide. Again. Dain'ta reminds him that the Khannabeggs need a safe environment to mature, grow, and get ugly. Mullet argues that Starfleet won't give up so easily and will send more ships after them: "This gas cloud won't protect us!" No, but it might end up making you less loathsome -- remember what it did or is doing for the Ba'ku? Maybe Dain'ta would even start to notice that his boobs had gotten firmer. Sadly, Quantum's way too stiff to mambo in a red wrap-around shirt. Dain'ta indulges Mullet and patiently asks him what course he would set. "I'm not certain," Mullet says. THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL STUPID! God. What Mullet does know is that running away isn't the answer. "Are you familiar with the name Botany Bay?" Mullet asks. Botany Bay? Botany BAY? Oh, NO! We've got to get out of here! Dain'ta looks down. "It's a penal colony on the shores of Australia," Jennifer "Dawsonella" Khannolly announces. First of all, she's stupid. Second of all, "penal." Heh heh heh. "It's also the name of a pre-warp vessel launched at the end of the Great Wars," Mullet explains, "The ship carried many of our brethren, including Khan Noonien Singh." And then my head explodes. "Botany Bay is a myth," Dain'ta says, "There's no evidence it ever existed." Man, where's Snopes when you need it? "All records of the launch were destroyed -- they didn't want to be followed," Mullet argues. Okay, if all records were destroyed then how the HELL did YOU know about it? YOU, who have NEVER been to Earth! YOU, who grew up on some DISTANT ISOLATED PLANET! How do YOU know about it? Yeah, and Mullet's probably heard of Chekov as well, even though he wasn't on board the ship at the time! Just stop. Don't even try.
The Evil Dr. Mathra: And here's another thing -- why does your name sound soooo much like Khan's, huh, Father? I've always wondered that!
Keckler: Uh, his name's not Noonien, it's Arik.
The Evil Dr. Mathra: Oh.
Dain'ta says that even if all the galaxy legends are true, the ship was lost. "Exactly my point," Mullet wanks, "Khan was a great leader, but he made one fatal mistake. He ran from his enemies rather than face them." Oh, no. Oh, NO -- you do NOT get to talk shit about Khan! Don't even go there, you Gene Rottenberry. "He's not worthy to buff Khan's pecs," Gytha adds. This whole time Dawsonella is looking more and more unattractive. I think it's because she's not standing with a superior posture and it is so very unflattering. "Okay, here's the deal: Dain'ta hears the name 'Noonien' and thinks it has a nice ring to it, so later, when he has real kid of his own, he decides giving his kid that name would be a fitting tribute to these freaks and then it becomes a family name," the Evil Dr. Mathra announces. And that, my friends, proves just how stupid wanking is. By the way, how is Dain'ta ever going to pass along his actual genes to Data's line if he's incarcerated? Don't tell me Data's great-great-grandwhatever was one of those women who freakishly fall in love with convicted criminals and then marry them, so they can have conjugal visits. Because, ew. Dain'ta finally shuts Mullet down for good and says they are going to the Briar Patch whether he likes it or not. Okay, I think you're being a little bit weird about your "Briar Patch." I mean, no one's going to want to go to a place with that name. Call it "Antares Maelstrom" and maybe they'll want to go. "I'll be in my lab," Dain'ta announces, and leaves. Wait, how did he have time to make a lab? Klingons don't care about science, they don't have labs. Oh, he tasks me!
Bridge. Quantum walks on. "I wasn't aware the doctor had discharged you," T'Pol says. "He didn't," Quantum says. Because he's just so hardcore. They're holding position on the Klingon border, and Trip confirms that they will now look like a Klingon battle cruiser to the Khannabee sensors. However, they won't if they get within eighty thousand kilometers. May-Cantaloop takes them in.
Dain'ta's "Lab." Mullet enters and mentions that he's there at Dain'ta's summons. Dain'ta reprimands him for constantly challenging his authority in front of everyone. Before Dain'ta can wallow too much in his abandonment guilt, Mullet quickly changes the subject and asks after the embryos. Dain'ta says they will be ready to incubate in a few hours. "You're modifying its DNA," Mullet notes. Dain'ta says he's removing all aggression and violent behavior. "You're changing its personality," Mullet says. Yes, just like he did to you. Unfortunately, in your case, the microscopic laser-scalpel slipped and he lopped off your pretty genes. Dain'ta and Mullet argue whether Dain'ta has the right to tamper with the genomes. "You don't know if this is a defect -- maybe this is the way our creators wanted us to be!" Mullet mewls. "Father, you're wanted on the Bridge," Dawsonella comms. I think Mullet and Dain'ta are having what is called a khanflict of interest. Buckle up, people, I've got a whole bag of those right to my case of beer and it's gonna be a long night!
Dain'ta stalks onto the Bridge. Dawsonella thinks a Klingon ship is approaching. "Let's see them," Dain'ta orders. The viewscreen shows us Enterprise. Well, so much for Quantum's plan. It worked for all of the time it took the Khannabees to get a visual on their viewscreen.
Quantum logs that they rescued the Denobulan pilot and that her injuries are minor. Trip and T'Pol on working on sensor enhancement in order to find the Bird of Prey. T'Pol gives Trip some directions and stares up at him. Trip doesn't look down. T'Pol CRACK WHORES her face like she's about to say something and then turns away. Oh, please don't talk about your personal life. T'Pol paces. You're going to talk about your personal life, aren't you? T'Pol asks how Trip's parents are. Wait, so he has parents? What about all that crap that, since his sister was dead, he had no one to visit? Does he hate his parents? "They're...fine," Trip says, a bit puzzled, "They moved to a new house in Mississippi. It's not like the old place in Panama City but it's pretty nice -- why do you ask?" T'Pol whines that Trip hasn't spoke of them or anything else recently. "There hasn't been a lot of time to catch up," Trip says, not looking at her. T'Pol walks around to stand to him: "You also haven't joined us at the Captain's table since we left Earth." Maybe he hasn't been ordered to. "What are you trying to say?" Trip asks, looking at her briefly before turning away. "You've been avoiding me!" T'Pol CRACK WHORES. Trip says maybe he has, but it's awkward now that she's married and he needs time to adjust. "I'm still adjusting to it myself," T'Pol CRACK WHORES. Trip looks at her as her chest heaves with unsuppressed CRACK WHOREAGE. Trip admits, "This is gonna sound strange, but as tough as it was watching you go through with the ceremony, I was proud of you for what you did." T'Pol heaves some more. Whatcha gonna do, CRACK WHORE? You gonna cry? Trip says that it's all probably for the best. "What do you mean?!" T'Pol CRACK WHORES. Trip says they wouldn't have made an ideal couple: "A Vulcan and a human? Romeo and Juliet probably stood a better chance." That's like the easiest Shakespearean play to reference. Something beeps to interrupt them. After technobabbling a bit, Trip comms Quantum that he thinks they've found them. "You don't sound one hundred percent sure," Quantum retorts. Shut up, Quantum, you jackass. Quantum orders May-I-Got-It-Goin'-On to lay in a course.
Mullet broods on his bed. Dawsonella enters, sighing that she doesn't have much time what with all the extra work she has to do. Mullet announces that he's taking control of the ship. "You can't," Dawsonella protests. Mullet says he's spoken to everyone else and they are all behind him. He just has to know if he has her support. Dawsonella says he can't do this to their father. "He may have raised us but that doesn't make him our father. He'll never be one of us," Mullet argues, and then whines about how Dain'ta won't listen to him and his plans. He tells Dawsonella that Dain'ta is futzing with the genomes to make the Khannabees 2.0 docile and weak. Dawsonella doesn't believe him but Mullet invites her to ask Dain'ta herself. She's just so squinty and pasty and sweaty, and the eyebrows? Are, like, brushed on with eyeshadow. And what's that in her hair? Is it a ribbon? No, it's a piece of leather. Yeah, well, nice try, maybe Xenot. Clearly they don't have superior hairstylists aboard. Demian told me he thought the Khannabees got uglier with each passing week, and he's so right. Mullet takes Dawsonella's sweaty, ugly hands and gazes into her sweaty, ugly face: "I know how much he means to you -- I have feelings for him too." Yeah, murderous feelings. Mullet promises that Dain'ta will be treated with respect: "Are you with me?" Dawsonella just stares at him.
A bunch of Khannabees invade Dain'ta's lab to incarcerate him. "Dawsonella?" Dain'ta says in disbelief. Dawsonella looks down at the tops of her shoes. Dain'ta can't believe it's going to take four of them to subdue him. Mullet blusters that the crew is united behind him. If they're all so smart, why are they falling into a mob mentality? Dawsonella and Mullet tell him that there's no other way. Dain'ta and Dawsonella exchange a look. Mullet looks from one to the other and orders Dain'ta locked in his quarters. Dain'ta fixes Dawsonella with a disappointed look as he puts on his jacket. So, if they jail him, who will bring the embryos to term? Because I'm sorry, but I don't know nuthin' about birthin' no babies, Miss Mullet! Plus, they only have nineteen incubators for over eighteen hundred embryos and I think one of the incubators could be considered defective since it produced Khannabee Student.
Enterprise is going to be intercepted by a Klingon battle cruiser. At Quantum's inquiry, Trip says there's nothing wrong with their camouflage. Reed says the Klingons will be in visual range within two minutes. Hoshi confirms that the UT has been updated with seven Klingon dialects. "Let's hope this guy speaks one of them," Quantum says, and opens a channel. Is he going to tell him that they are taking "stuff" and "things" to Rura Penthe? Quantum bluffs a bit and says they are on important classified business from the High Council. "I'm not detecting a Council transponder signal. Perhaps you forgot to activate it," the Klingon snarks. "You expect me to turn on a transponder and let every ship know that we have the Chancellor on board?" Quantum lies. T'Pol raises her eyebrow when Quantum says that the Chancellor had business with the Orions and is now being brought back to Kronos. "The Orions! Ha ha ha ha ha!" the Klingon Jabba laughs. Everyone on the Bridge looks worried. The Klingon says he's heard rumors of the Chancellor's "negotiations" with the Orion females. Reed and May-Knowledge-of-Self exchange smirks. "If I were you, I wouldn't be making allegations about Chancellor M'Rek over an unsecure [sic] channel!" Quantum blusters. The Klingon says he meant no insult. "I'm sure you didn't," Quantum says with this great look back at his crew, like, "Hey, it worked!" It's the best acting I've seen from his stiff ass in years. I gotta stop watching Quantum Leap, it only depresses me. Quantum presses his luck, "It would be best if you didn't mention this to your superiors or you might find yourself commanding a garbage scow!" But will it be hauling rubber dog shit out of Hong Kong? The Klingon understands and says they are honored to have the Chancellor in their system. "Q'apla'!" the Klingon says. Now, why was that the only thing not translated? I can't, I just can't. "Kerpla!" Quantum says. "You suck, Quantum. Picard had ways of saying 'Q'apla' that would make you cry -- like when he said it to Worf. Quantum just sucks!" the Evil Dr. Mathra yells from the kitchen where he's whipping up his extra-special tacos for dinner. The Klingons alter their course.
Dawsonella visits Dain'ta in his cell. She just goes from one bed to the , doesn't she? She's a Khannaho. Khannaho of the Sweaty Sex Sheets. "That's her Indian name," Gytha agrees. Dawsonella says if she hadn't gone along with Mullet, he would have killed her. Daint'a tells her that if Mullet proceeds with his plan, it will be confirming everything everyone has said about the ruthlessness of Augments. He wants Dawsonella to help him sabotage the torpedo bays. Dawsonella nixes this, saying Mullet posted guards everywhere. Dain'ta comes up with another plan: "You have to get me off this ship!" Dawsonella opens her mouth.
Dawsonella and Dain'ta creep through the ship as Dawsonella reports that she's disabled the internal sensors: "It should be some time before anyone notices that one of the escape pods is missing." Escape pods? ESCAPE PODS?! Klingons don't have ESCAPE PODS! They'd prefer to die aboard an exploding ship -- escape pods have no honor! Dain'ta gets into one of the honorless escape pods and warns Dawsonella to be careful. He slobbers kisses all over her hands.
The honorless escape pod launches from the ship and flies backwards.
Hoshi picks up a faint beacon.
Inside his honorless escape pod, Dain'ta hears clanging and banging on the outside. He looks around in confusion. The escape pod jolts around. More clanging, and then Quantum opens the door. He's all angry and shit. "Captain, what took you so long?" Dain'ta asks. Reed rolls his eyes.
In the Brig -- oh, my god, I am so sick of the Brig! -- Dain'ta paces. Quantum enters. Countdown to neck grab...now. "You have to alter you --!" Dain'ta starts to shout. Quantum holds up his hand and clicks the comm button. Okay, and that was all about what, exactly? Dain'ta says they have to alter their course, "My childr-- the Khannabees are planning to attack a Klingon colony." See, because they have so fallen from grace, he can't call them his children anymore. He's disassociating himself with the murderous progeny he brought forth. Things like that are just so complex that I wouldn't have realized it if they hadn't made it so patently obvious. For some reason that surpasses understanding, Quantum cares more about what Dain'ta was doing in the honorless escape pod. "What do you think? I was waiting for you -- you're the only ones who can stop them!" Dain'ta yells. Quantum doesn't look like he believes him. Daint'a snorts, "I didn't come back because I missed our lively debates -- please, please, you have to do what I ask!" Quantum, the dumbass, still doesn't believe him and thinks Dain'ta put himself in the honorless escape pod to distract Enterprise from their course. Shut up, Quantum. Dain'ta says that if the Klingons attack Earth it will make the Xindi incident look like a lovers' quarrel. Yeah, sure it will. If the Klingons have a planet-vaporizing weapon that they could only have constructed with certain genius minds and help from beings from another dimension. Dain'ta, you weaken your argument with your two-dimensional thinking. Quantum pffts Dain'ta's tales of Earth: The Final Khanflict and goes to leave. Dain'ta stops him in his tracks by yelling at him to contact Cold Station 12, where he will learn about all those viruses being abducted. Quantum tosses his head that Dr. Lucas already updated him on that. Okay, if that's so, isn't Quantum worried about what happened to those germs? Because he's being quite cavalier about it. Dain'ta tells him that Mullet stole them and is going to use them on the colony. Quantum just stares at him. "You saw what he did on the colony -- you know what he's capable of!" Dain'ta yells. Quantum muses that Dain'ta had to watch Mullet killing someone in front of him before he knew the depths of his ugly heart. Dain'ta whines that if only he had been there for them, if Starfleet hadn't locked him away, all this could have be altered. Quantum reminds Dain'ta that the Khannabees were engineered to be exactly what they are. Yeah, yeah, nature vs. nurture. Move it along. "'Superior ability equals superior ambition' -- one of their creators wrote that. He was murdered by a Khannabee," quoth the Quantum.
In Trip's Ready Room. Trip, T'Pol, and Quantum discuss their course of action. In my place, we all discuss how much food it's going to take for T'Pol to look normal again. I think the words "not with all the rice in China" were uttered. T'Pol thinks it could be a trap, and Trip thinks that at the high speed they need to intercept the Khannabees before they reach the colony, they might not be able to fool the Klingons with their phony warp signature. "Do what you have to do," is Quantum's sage advice as he stubbornly resists the urge to go to his Weight of the World Window.
Khannabee Ship. A sheen of ugly sex sweat covers Dawsonella and Mullet as they lie in bed together. They discuss how Dain'ta got away. Clearly Mullet knows Dawsonella helped him. Clearly we know Dawsonella is dead, because Dawsonella is no khan artist. Dawsonella can't believe Mullet suspects her. Mullet leans in and whispers, "Your heart is beating faster -- maybe it's trying to tell me something." Yeah, it's saying, "You are a freakish fug with tendencies toward stalkerhood. Go away." This is where I realize he totally reminds me of Grima. Dawsonella snatches a blade from a sheath. "Are you going to use that on me?" Mullet asks. The camera pans up to show Dawsonella in this awkward and laughable "defensive" stance. She's got her legs spread apart, she's half squatting, and her arm holding the knife is bent at the elbow and partially raised. If Mullet was crawling on the floor, this might be an effective posture, otherwise, no. Mullet moves to get off the bed, and Dawsonella strikes. Mullet and his black bike pants fall off the bed. When Mullet rises, all he has is a cut even though Dawsonella struck with such force, and with such whistling sound effects, using such a large bowie knife, that his head should have flown right off. "You shouldn't have done that," he whispers, touching the blood and then licking his hand. With an ugly yell, Dawsonella jumps on the bed and takes a few swings at him. It's unfortunate that Dain'ta wasn't around to teach them why jumping on the bed is dangerous. Mullet punches and kicks her before he grabs the knife, flips her on the floor, and stabs her through her back. She gapes at him and bugs her eyes. As she dies, still with the mouth gaping, Mullet pulls her into an embrace and rasps, "I'll miss you." Dawsonella's mouth continues to gape its way to rigor mortis. I'll bet he has sex with her because he sees an opening. Mullet kisses her and, unbelievably, the Dawsonella actress saw fit for her character to purse her GAPING DYING MOUTH together to receive the kiss. Mullet drops her on the floor and looks uglier than he has this whole arc. With the veins and the retchiness and the sex sweat sheen and the bleh.
Enterprise. Trip, T'Pol, and Dain'ta do stuff in Engineering. Dain'ta apologizes to T'Pol for the stuff with the Orions: "Hope you weren't permanently injured." Trip tells him to stay focused on the task at hand. "Ooh, someone's a little protective of Commander T'Pol," Dain'ta sniggers. A Klingon vessel approaches them.
Bridge. Reed says it's a much bigger ship than the other one. The Klingon ship comms them to surrender and prepared to be boarded.
After the Klingons fire on Enterprise, Quantum tells the Klingon captain that if they don't get to the Bird of Prey, millions on the colony will die. Klingon captain isn't disposed to believe him. Dain'ta steps into to speak Klingon and says that Quantum and his qrew are jelly doughnuts and should be allowed on their way. Hoshi smiles, perhaps because her dialect might have translated Dain'ta calling the crew "honorable." The Klingons don't care one way or the other and continue to blast the ship. Quantum drops the ship out of warp and when the Klingon ship does as well, he deploys the grappler and goes ahead at full impulse while still connected to the Klingon ship by way of the grappler. Stuff on the Klingon ship explodes, and I'm confused as to what just happened. "I think he ripped them a new one, basically," the Evil Dr. Mathra responds. Now I'm even more confused, because that means Quantum did something cool. T'Pol reports that the Klingons can't get their warp up. Maybe they should try Viagra? Enterprise takes off.
Khannabees. Mullet shows them a graphic of the Klingon planet. It's just like the Genesis planet graphic, although, considering what they intend to do to it, I guess it's the Revelations planet. Mullet explains how and where they will launch the anti-Genesis device to ensure maximum death. A Khannabee announces the approach of Enterprise. Mullet gives orders and when Khannabenigma protests, Mullet yells, "Do as I say!" and throws himself in the captain's chair all "It's tough to be the king, especially when I'm so ill-favored that I might as well be the piss boy!"
Enterprise. Trip comms, "If we go any faster the nacelles are going to fly off the pylons!" Well, fly them off, then! Since they still aren't close enough, Trip realizes he's going to have to try harder.
The Bird of Prey drops out of warp and goes into low orbit.
T'Pol reports that the Khannabees are getting ready to fire. Reed readies their weapons as May-It's-Like-That prepares to drop them out of warp as close as he can.
Khannabees. Mullet orders to fire. They fire. The germ torpedoes zing toward the planet.
Enterprise drops out of warp, and T'Pol reports that the weapon will reach the atmosphere in ten seconds. "Malcolm," Quantum orders. Malcolm nods. He fires three shots. The shots catch up to and destroy the Khannabees weapon in an awesome exploding halo effect. Does someone want to explain to me just when their aim got so good? Quantum orders them hard about.
Firefight.
Enterprise loses hull plating and their torpedo launchers. The aft cannons are online and locked on the Bridge of the Khannabee ship. Dain'ta argues that they'll never penetrate the Bridge because of all the ugly. Instead, he gives directions to attack behind the sensor array, since the Khannabees' ship's main plasma junction is there and a direct hit would give them a blackout. "Trust me!" Dain'ta hisses. "Do as he says, fire when ready," Quantum says.
Enterprise fires. T'Pol reads twelve bio-signs left.
Khannabee ship. Mullet -- with the exact same wound on the EXACT SAME side of his face that Khan had -- drags himself through the rocks on the floor of the Bridge. He falls onto a console and pushes buttons.
Random blond ensign we've never seen before announces a power surge on the Khannabee ship. Reed announces, "He's over loading his dilithium matrix. He'll destroy the ship." How does he know it's a he? Dain'ta begs to talk to him. How does he know it's a him? Quantum nods at Hoshi. Dain'ta gets to a console and says, "Mullet --" How does he know it's Mullet? No, seriously, HOW DOES HE KNOW? There's no way they could...because...with the...and the...no, no, I can't. Dain'ta pleads with Mullet that some of his brothers and sisters are still alive. And ain't they everyone? Every father's daughter, every mother's son. I'm very sorry for all of you who don't know the "Free to Be, You and Me" lyrics by heart. Yours is a sad state. Mullet asks if Dain'ta would rather they all go to prison with him. "But the embryos!" Dain'ta begs. "There's no place for us on Earth or anywhere else. Better to die here," Mullet gasps, dying on the khansole. "I'll see you soon!" "Mullet!" Dain'ta shouts. The ship explodes. Dain'ta is stunned.
Back in the irons, Dain'ta and Quantum walk down the corridor. Quantum says he will contact Starfleet and let them know he helped. Daint'a can't believe his murderous, villainous, wallowing in primeval slime children are gone. He realizes that Quantum is letting him stay in crew quarters rather than the God I'm So Sick of the Brig brig. Behind an Uh-Oh, Mullet jumps from the ceiling. The Uh-Oh fires. It does nothing to Mullet because THEY STILL HAVEN'T MODIFIED THEIR FREAKING WEAPONS! Mullet hammers out the Uh-Oh and then kicks Quantum in the face. "You're alive!" Dain'ta shudders, half ecstatic, half scared. Mullet tells Dain'ta that he betrayed them all and throws him across the corridor. He lifts Dain'ta by the throat and says, "Goodbye, Father." He starts to squeeze but is shot at. We get a look at Quantum THROUGH THE HOLE IN HIS STOMACH! I'm not kidding. Quantum somehow blasted a smoking baseball-sized hole through his bellybutton and we can see all the way through to the other side. Now, since this wouldn't exactly kill him right away, I'm expecting him to walk around in a sort of Death Becomes Her kind of way. Mullet, however, falls to the floor.
Earth. Quantum logs that the Klingons have decided to call off their attack on Earth, since they are happy with what Enterprise did at the colony. So, Quantum saves Earth. Again. Dain'ta returns to a cell that has been stripped of all his John Gnashings. Dain'ta looks all around his cell and says, "You could have at least let me finish my work before you destroyed it." "We haven't destroyed anything," Quantum says. "It's being stored in a secure location." With Dick Cheney. "Maybe some day we'll figure out how to use it to benefit humanity," Quantum goes on. Without it being finished? Isn't that a bit risky? "I wouldn't count on it," Dain'ta sniffs. The doors close behind Quantum, who presses a button to release the cuffs' magnetic field. "I've been thinking," Dain'ta muses, "perfecting humanity may not be possible. Cybernetics, artificial life forms." Quantum bobs his head in that weird way he's picked up of late: "Goodbye, Doctor." Dain'ta doesn't really respond, and goes on to himself, "I doubt I'll finish the work myself -- might take a generation or two." And right after my head had pieced itself back together, it explodes again. Dain'ta sits down at his desk and starts to write.
week: Oh, WHATEVER! So, this whole three-week arc was Wrath of Khan and week's will be The Search for Spock?! Of course, then they'll turn to The Voyage Home and go back in time to rescue over-fished sea bass or something.